Axe Cop (2013) s02e10 Episode Script
Baboons Rising
It began like most things: in a top secret engineering lab filled with baboons.
Doctor, it's time to face the facts.
- Nothing's working.
- Confound it, Miles.
I promised your father I wouldn't quit until we found a cure for baboon rage.
If only we could understand what he is trying to tell us.
_ _ Oh, that's adorable.
Don't worry, bonzo, no one's giving up on No! _ The president never even saw it coming.
_ Baboons! Shoot your bullets at them with your guns.
Whoa! Oh god! But that was months ago.
With the president dead and Axe Cop missing in action, these people have put the last of their hope in me.
One day, the scene of the fire.
The cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! _ So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
_ _ I will chop your heads off! Brothers and sisters, please do not grow weary, but hold on to hope.
For I, Flute Cop, am with you.
- Hey! - Boo! We want Axe Cop! Oh! Tough crowd.
Hey, Grey, you got anymore candy we can throw at them? I don't know, I think Sockarang ate them.
What the heck? Baboons! We're under a baboon attack! Baboons, battle stations! Oh, no! There's something else headed our way! - Something big.
- Oh, no, no, no, no! It's bears! As if baboon-pocolypse wasn't bad enough, now we've got bear-mageddon! Hey, wait a second, it's Axe Cop! Bear army, kill all the baboons! Hyah! Oh my god, the baboons are gone! Axe Cop's the best! I'm gonna miss being the last hope of mankind.
Oh, Flutey, you've been my last hope since I first met you.
Hyah! Hey, the baboons are gone! You did it, Axe Cop! Wrong, they're not gone.
The baboons prayed to the Almighty Baboon.
He turned them microscopic, and they are now entering our bloodstreams.
Uh wait, there are little tiny baboons inside me? - Like, right now? - Why am I all itchy? Oh, you're itchy? That's weird.
I am not itchy at all.
My diamond is not stinging at all.
Oh! Oh, no! Look how red my butt is! - I need to put some sap on this! - Axe Cop, tell us what to do! It says here that we need to go visit the Almighty Bear.
- The Almighty Bear? - Yes, the Almighty Bear is the only one who can defeat the Almighty Baboon.
How are we going to find a microscopic baboon? It says right here that the Almighty Baboon is the one with the purple bum.
To Bearopolis! Hyah! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on.
You haven't answered my question.
There! In that tree is the slide to Bearopolis, the city of bears.
- How are we gonna get inside that tree? - I brought a key.
Let's go! Whoa! What the heck! Ow, I think I got a splinter.
Axe Cop, did you bring tweezers? Oh my goodness.
Are you seeing this? Bearopolis is amazing! Oh boy, I think I've been spotted.
Whew, that was a close one.
Those bears almost saw Oh! Axe Cop! No! Help! - Shush, play along.
- What? I have to wear a bear disguise to blend in.
Well, no fair! Why don't I get a bear disguise? I'm a husky guy, I could pass for a bear.
Don't worry, you are going to be my sacrificial offering in the temple of the Almighty Bear.
- Axe Cop, can we rethink this strategy? - There's no time.
We're here.
Almighty Bear! I have come to offer you a fat human sacrifice to show that I come in peace.
_ - Axe Cop! Wait, wait, wait! - Hyah! _ To make you my pet! _ Flute Cop, quick, chew through the stomach, break through its bones with your face, and bite it in the heart.
Hyah! Okay, this is gonna taste terrible.
- Why didn't you do this yourself? - Because it's gross.
Whew! I think I found the heart! - Hurry, bite it now.
- Ugh! Yeah! _ Flute Cop, order it to shrink down all the bears on Earth so they can enter our blood and kill the baboons.
Sure thing, Axe Cop.
It's been a week since we introduced the bears into our bloodstreams, and the acceleration of the disease has been stabilized.
Hey, bro, you got any of those purple vitamin C gummies left? Until we find the Almighty Baboon with the purple butt, there can be no cure.
But Axe Cop says he has a plan.
Attention survivors, while the bears are battling back the baboons in your blood, there will be no cure without the help of the president.
But, Axe Cop, the president is dead! No! The president that died was the normal president.
But the Secret President is still alive.
Wait, there's a Secret President? Yes! He's so secret, that no one knows who he is.
Except me.
His name is Larry, the almighty human, and he is sleeping on a park bench in Arizona City, Arizona.
Um, Axe Cop, do you think it's a good idea to announce where the Secret President is? I mean, the baboons are everywhere inside of us, they could be listening right now.
What if the Almighty Baboon finds the Secret President first? I'm counting on it.
Let's go! Hello, Mr.
Secret President, sir.
Shush! That was supposed to be a secret.
I know, but this is an emergency.
- Flute Cop, check his butt.
- What? It's an honor to meet you, Mr.
Secret President.
Oh, no! Axe Cop, his butt's turning purple.
The Almighty Baboon has taken our bait.
- Are we too late? - We're right on time.
Flute Cop, I command you to command the Almighty Bear pet to shrink us down so we can enter the Secret President, and kill the Almighty Baboon.
You heard him, bear! Shrink us down! To the Secret President's heart! Not so fast, Almighty Baboon! _ _ No, only you are doomed.
Now you're stuck inside Larry, the Secret President and we brought the ultimate weapon to defeat you.
Take a bite of my secret double shrink attack! Bear pet, now! Axe Cop, I'm at the heart.
Oh-ho-ho, it's so gross! Bite it now! _ Almighty Baboon, I command you to spit me out.
There's a good baboon.
And so in the end, the bears returned to Bearopolis.
The baboons became good guys and live inside us all, keeping the world free of disease.
Larry went back to sleep and for Axe Cop, well I guess he really did have a plan after all.
Whew! Oh, no one's here.
Doctor, it's time to face the facts.
- Nothing's working.
- Confound it, Miles.
I promised your father I wouldn't quit until we found a cure for baboon rage.
If only we could understand what he is trying to tell us.
_ _ Oh, that's adorable.
Don't worry, bonzo, no one's giving up on No! _ The president never even saw it coming.
_ Baboons! Shoot your bullets at them with your guns.
Whoa! Oh god! But that was months ago.
With the president dead and Axe Cop missing in action, these people have put the last of their hope in me.
One day, the scene of the fire.
The cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! _ So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
_ _ I will chop your heads off! Brothers and sisters, please do not grow weary, but hold on to hope.
For I, Flute Cop, am with you.
- Hey! - Boo! We want Axe Cop! Oh! Tough crowd.
Hey, Grey, you got anymore candy we can throw at them? I don't know, I think Sockarang ate them.
What the heck? Baboons! We're under a baboon attack! Baboons, battle stations! Oh, no! There's something else headed our way! - Something big.
- Oh, no, no, no, no! It's bears! As if baboon-pocolypse wasn't bad enough, now we've got bear-mageddon! Hey, wait a second, it's Axe Cop! Bear army, kill all the baboons! Hyah! Oh my god, the baboons are gone! Axe Cop's the best! I'm gonna miss being the last hope of mankind.
Oh, Flutey, you've been my last hope since I first met you.
Hyah! Hey, the baboons are gone! You did it, Axe Cop! Wrong, they're not gone.
The baboons prayed to the Almighty Baboon.
He turned them microscopic, and they are now entering our bloodstreams.
Uh wait, there are little tiny baboons inside me? - Like, right now? - Why am I all itchy? Oh, you're itchy? That's weird.
I am not itchy at all.
My diamond is not stinging at all.
Oh! Oh, no! Look how red my butt is! - I need to put some sap on this! - Axe Cop, tell us what to do! It says here that we need to go visit the Almighty Bear.
- The Almighty Bear? - Yes, the Almighty Bear is the only one who can defeat the Almighty Baboon.
How are we going to find a microscopic baboon? It says right here that the Almighty Baboon is the one with the purple bum.
To Bearopolis! Hyah! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on.
You haven't answered my question.
There! In that tree is the slide to Bearopolis, the city of bears.
- How are we gonna get inside that tree? - I brought a key.
Let's go! Whoa! What the heck! Ow, I think I got a splinter.
Axe Cop, did you bring tweezers? Oh my goodness.
Are you seeing this? Bearopolis is amazing! Oh boy, I think I've been spotted.
Whew, that was a close one.
Those bears almost saw Oh! Axe Cop! No! Help! - Shush, play along.
- What? I have to wear a bear disguise to blend in.
Well, no fair! Why don't I get a bear disguise? I'm a husky guy, I could pass for a bear.
Don't worry, you are going to be my sacrificial offering in the temple of the Almighty Bear.
- Axe Cop, can we rethink this strategy? - There's no time.
We're here.
Almighty Bear! I have come to offer you a fat human sacrifice to show that I come in peace.
_ - Axe Cop! Wait, wait, wait! - Hyah! _ To make you my pet! _ Flute Cop, quick, chew through the stomach, break through its bones with your face, and bite it in the heart.
Hyah! Okay, this is gonna taste terrible.
- Why didn't you do this yourself? - Because it's gross.
Whew! I think I found the heart! - Hurry, bite it now.
- Ugh! Yeah! _ Flute Cop, order it to shrink down all the bears on Earth so they can enter our blood and kill the baboons.
Sure thing, Axe Cop.
It's been a week since we introduced the bears into our bloodstreams, and the acceleration of the disease has been stabilized.
Hey, bro, you got any of those purple vitamin C gummies left? Until we find the Almighty Baboon with the purple butt, there can be no cure.
But Axe Cop says he has a plan.
Attention survivors, while the bears are battling back the baboons in your blood, there will be no cure without the help of the president.
But, Axe Cop, the president is dead! No! The president that died was the normal president.
But the Secret President is still alive.
Wait, there's a Secret President? Yes! He's so secret, that no one knows who he is.
Except me.
His name is Larry, the almighty human, and he is sleeping on a park bench in Arizona City, Arizona.
Um, Axe Cop, do you think it's a good idea to announce where the Secret President is? I mean, the baboons are everywhere inside of us, they could be listening right now.
What if the Almighty Baboon finds the Secret President first? I'm counting on it.
Let's go! Hello, Mr.
Secret President, sir.
Shush! That was supposed to be a secret.
I know, but this is an emergency.
- Flute Cop, check his butt.
- What? It's an honor to meet you, Mr.
Secret President.
Oh, no! Axe Cop, his butt's turning purple.
The Almighty Baboon has taken our bait.
- Are we too late? - We're right on time.
Flute Cop, I command you to command the Almighty Bear pet to shrink us down so we can enter the Secret President, and kill the Almighty Baboon.
You heard him, bear! Shrink us down! To the Secret President's heart! Not so fast, Almighty Baboon! _ _ No, only you are doomed.
Now you're stuck inside Larry, the Secret President and we brought the ultimate weapon to defeat you.
Take a bite of my secret double shrink attack! Bear pet, now! Axe Cop, I'm at the heart.
Oh-ho-ho, it's so gross! Bite it now! _ Almighty Baboon, I command you to spit me out.
There's a good baboon.
And so in the end, the bears returned to Bearopolis.
The baboons became good guys and live inside us all, keeping the world free of disease.
Larry went back to sleep and for Axe Cop, well I guess he really did have a plan after all.
Whew! Oh, no one's here.