Big City Greens (2018) s02e10 Episode Script

[theme song plays]
One, two
One, two, three, four ♪
[vocalizing]
[chicken clucks]
-[BILL] How about this?
-[GRAMMA] Keep.
-[BILL] Okay. This?
-[GRAMMA] Keep.
-This?
-Hm. Keep.
Ma, the point of spring cleaning
is to get rid of stuff.
You haven't put a single thing
in the trash pile.
Hey, I put something in the maybe pile.
I'm a maybe baby.
Cricket, you are loved and appreciated.
Face it, Ma, you're a pack rat.
The garage is full of your old junk.
Like, look at this. It's clearly trash.
Fifty years ago it was trash.
Now it's an antique.
[TILLY] Look what I found.
I took the liberty of picking the lock.
I taught you well.
Ugh, what is this, a dirty rag?
[GRAMMA] To the untrained eye, maybe.
But this scarf is actually priceless.
And just how, exactly,
is a raggedy old piece of scarf priceless?
Because everything in this here trunk
is part of the greatest adventure
of my life!
Can we hear about--?
It all started in an Egyptian tomb.
Legend had it that whoever
stole the pharaoh's treasure
would be rich.
And I was the only one
crazy enough to do it.
Or so I thought.
Of course, getting inside
the pyramid was the easy part.
The hard part was the never-ending
barrage of booby traps.
-[snickers] Booby traps.
-Listen up, boy!
This won't be easy.
But it's nothing Alice Green can't handle.
[panting]
[yells and laughs]
-Huh?
-[roars]
[grunts]
I'm getting that treasure,
and nothing's getting in my way.
Nothing.
[laughs]
You got be worth a fortune.
Uh-huh. Mm-hm.
Hm.
Huh?
Ah-ha.
[yelps]
Huh?
-[groans]
-Need some help?
Who are you? A thief?
A drifter? A thrifter?
Just a guy passing through.
Here, let me give you a hand.
No, wait. Don't come closer.
Really, it's no trouble at all.
No, you idiot! Don't take another step!
Do what now?
-Real smooth.
-[rumbling]
Great, now this whole place
is coming down.
[gasps and pants]
Don't worry. I got you.
Hey!
Ah!
Later, sucker.
[grunts]
[GRAMMA] And so, I made it out alive.
Yeah!
But I had no treasure.
Aw.
[humming]
And that's how my passport
got permanently revoked.
-Wow!
-Whoa!
Wait, what?
Dang! Young Gramma went hard.
Yeah. I can't believe you entombed a man.
No, wait. Hm yes, I can.
Hey.
No, Tilly, your gramma
never entombed anyone.
None of that story is true.
Wrong. It's all true.
And that's just the beginning.
What? You mean there's more?
I wonder what other relics
this memory chest contains.
First things first.
Just got to get this stuffing
out of the way.
Huh? Aah!
Boy, the only stuffing here
is in your head.
This newspaper is the next piece
of the story.
-[BOTH] What?
-That's right.
Now, the next chapter of my story
takes place deep in the jungles of Mexico,
which I stealthily infiltrated
in order to hunt down
the legendary
[thunder crashes]
- [GRAMMA] Chupacabra!
A local village was offering
a healthy bounty,
and I was there to collect.
I was hot on the beast's trail.
-The only problem was
-[twig snaps]
-Ah!
-I wasn't alone.
You again? What are you doing here?
[laughs] Same as you.
[gasps and growls]
If you know what's good for you,
you'll turn around right now.
Oh, I will, after I collect what's mine.
Fella, you better stop
following me or I'll--
[creature snarls]
[roaring]
The chupacabra.
-It's here.
-Don't get in my way.
Don't get in my way.
-[creature snarls]
-[gasps] What was that?
I said, don't uh, fly away?
Shut up. Not you.
Something's out there.
-Ah! No, no, no.
-[glass shatters]
[roars]
[both scream]
Chupacabras fear the light.
Without it, we're as good as dead.
Can't believe I'm saying this,
but stay close.
Come on. Come on.
Ugh!
Hurry, hurry.
Ha! Got it.
[roars]
-[both scream]
-Woah!
[snarling]
Here. Take this newspaper.
You can light it on fire and-- Huh?
Ah, that works too.
[grunting]
I could use some help here.
Oh, right. Sorry.
[straining]
Whew. Nice work.
Say there, we make a pretty good team.
Huh. Yeah, I guess we do.
Put her there.
[GRAMMA] And so, the village was saved.
And against all odds,
my greatest rival
became my closest friend.
- [CRICKET] Yeah! Chupacabra!
- [TILLY] Incredible.
Goodness, Gramma,
that story was even crazier
than the last one.
And also completely false.
I feel like I'm slurping down
goofy juice over here.
Ma, you've never even been to Mexico.
Have too, and I got the proof right here.
Huh? I don't understand--
-Oof!
-You don't know me!
Don't worry, Gramma, we believe you.
Yeah. I'll believe anything
if it's convenient.
The Earth is flat,
and you can't tell me otherwise.
Boy, I keep telling you,
the Earth is round.
If it were round,
people would be falling off the sides.
Ugh! We're not having
this conversation again.
If the Earth were flat,
the oceans would drain.
No, they wouldn't, on account
of the towering walls of ice.
Now that I think about it,
Gramma, I do have one question.
Who was that strange man
that kept showing up?
Ah-ha! Found it.
This right here
is the last piece of the story.
Ooh, a box in a box.
You old people are crazy.
Can your story at least be true this time?
As a matter of fact,
this story begins on this very farm.
The farm? Now that's more like it.
I'm listening.
There I was, minding my own business
[rooster crowing]
Ah, what a beautiful day.
Be a shame if it was obscured
by some sort of big city.
Good thing that'll never happen.
[GRAMMA] Suddenly, there was a beep
coming from my super-cool
spy watch that I lost.
Don't ask about it.
My partner was in trouble,
and I was being called
for the most important mission of my life.
[BILL] Of course you were.
Let me guess,
you had to go to some crazy
underwater city.
[GRAMMA] Don't be ridiculous.
I mean, I was there at one point,
but this story takes place
in an enemy laboratory
in the sky.
[grunts]
I had to get to my partner, and fast.
[liquid bubbling]
[ROBOT] Intruder alert.
Prepare yourself to die.
-[punches landing]
-[Gramma grunting]
Sorry I took so long.
Technical difficulties. [gasps]
[muffled screams]
Oh, biscuits.
Alice, you shouldn't have come.
It's a trap.
This whole place is rigged to blow.
Then we'd better get a move on. Let's go.
Ah, you could've got yourself killed.
What were you even doing here?
Oh, just getting this.
[gasps]
Not bad.
But we can admire that later.
Let's get out of here.
[bomb beeping rapidly]
Wow! Wait, I'm lost.
Yeah, what was in the box?
Are we missing something?
Oh, now I get it.
This is the story of how you met Dad.
-[both] Grampa?
-Yeah.
Although the facts are all wrong.
No way. It was all true.
-Hm?
-Half true.
-Hm?
-Fine.
Loosely inspired by true events.
Let me tell you how it really happened.
It all started when
your gramma's car broke down
on the side of a dusty country road.
[grunts]
-[groans]
-[vehicle approaches]
[truck door opens and closes]
Your grampa stopped and offered to help.
Need some help?
But your gramma had other ideas.
-[truck door closes]
-[engine starts]
-Huh?
-[engine revving]
Later, sucker.
What? Hey!
-[tires squeal]
-[coughs]
A few weeks later, they met again
on the rainiest day of the summer.
Huh?
That's when Gramma realized
it's nice to accept
somebody's help once in a while.
But that wasn't the last time
your grampa managed to surprise her.
Hm?
[gasps and chuckles]
[grunts and gasps]
He had fixed Gramma's car up so good,
it looked brand-new.
[gasps and laughs]
[GRAMPA] Ahem. Uh, Alice?
[BILL] Your Grandpa didn't
have enough money for a ring,
so he offered the most
precious thing he had.
Your mother's pearls.
Alice, will you marry me?
Oh, my gosh, yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
But you're taking my last name.
Okay.
Come here, you.
Whoa!
All right, now slap them on me.
[BILL] And that's the story
of how Gramma and Grampa Green
fell in love.
[sighs]
Dad was a great guy, but he
wasn't some swashbuckling hero.
Ha. He was to me.
Wow, Gramma,
you never told us
Grampa had such cool stuff.
Oh, how dashing.
What else is in here?
[both laugh]
-Oh, dang, check this out.
-Cricket! No!
[sighs]
Phoenix. Where are you, girl?
Oh, there you are.
My trusty, rusty, kind of crusty
puppy dog old pal.
We're loading up to head to
the farmer's market for the day.
So we're leaving you
in charge to protect our home,
because you're such a good girl.
Yes, you are. Who's a good girl?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[babbling]
Yes, he's a good boy.
He's a very good boy.
I will protect the good boy's house.
Oh, that's the spot.
[BILL] Blah-blah!
Blah, blah, blah, blah?
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Mmblah.
Blah, blah, blah.
Ride on, kind humans.
Your kingdom is in good hands.
Wait, the humans are gone?
The humans are gone?
[ALL] The humans are gone!
-[COW] Oh, no.
-What?
[panicked chatter]
Everyone, calm down.
The humans will return.
This has happened before.
I don't remember that.
That's because you just hatched yesterday.
That's true.
Loyal subjects, as your queen,
I will make sure
you all remain safe and sound.
With help from my trusted
advisor, Dirtbag.
Present.
I promise we can make it through this.
[ALL] Oh, yeah!
Thank you, Queen Phoenix.
Oh! All hail Queen Phoenix.
Ha! They're all a bunch of sheep.
Especially the sheep.
Always following that old dog.
It's the same thing
day after day after day.
Oh, what I'd give for a change of pace.
Well, cock-a-doodle-doo.
Ah, order is restored.
Yeah, and because of that,
I'm going to punch out and take
the rest of the day off.
-[grunts]
-Dirtbag, you are always trying
to wiggle out of your responsibilities.
Can I count on you
while the humans are away?
Strange things can happen
in their absence.
[Dirtbag hacking]
Wow, look at the size of that thing.
I'm sorry, were you saying something?
[COGBURN] Attention, fellow farm animals!
Opportunity knocks if you are
[clucking]
bold enough to seize it.
Cogburn, what are you talking about?
See for yourself.
-The door?
-[ALL] The door?
Yes. The dumb little boy left it open.
And what are we going to do
with the open door?
Shut it.
No, you idiot.
We go inside it.
[ALL] Oh.
No. I forbid it.
The humans insist we stay outside.
Easy for you to say.
You get to go inside whenever you want.
[disapproving chatter]
These are the rules
that the humans have made,
because they know what's best for us.
[approving chatter]
Or maybe they're keeping us
from the good stuff.
Inside the house there's table scraps,
cozy pillows, and
[groans]
pie.
I mean, inside the house
there are comforts
beyond your wildest dreams.
[disapproving chatter]
Admit it, you've been holding out on us,
oh, fair ruler.
Or should I say, old and weak ruler.
[ALL] Oh!
Maybe it's time for a new kind of queen.
Maybe it's time
for a king.
But who's going to be king?
Me. I'm going to be king.
Setting up my stand.
Doo, doo, doo, doo-- Whoops.
Gotcha. Hey, thanks stranger.
I like a man who knows
the value of a good 'mater.
What's your name, friend?
My name? Well, my name is Bill Green.
Pleased to meet you.
Bill Green?
But that's my name.
Wow, isn't that weird, Dad?
Dad? Earth to Dad!
I mean, uh
Hi, my name's also Bill Green.
Well, what are the odds?
So, what do you do for a living, Bill?
Oh, I'm a farmer.
How very nice.
Isn't that nice, son?
Dad, you're hurting me.
I'm across the aisle
if you want to come say hi.
Well, I'd better get back to it.
Goodbye, other Bill Green.
Other Bill Green?
Cogburn, I do not wish to fight you.
That's where you and I differ.
[both yell]
I've got him!
[all laugh]
You call this a ruler?
[grunts]
Yeah! All hail King Cogburn!
[ALL] All hail King Cogburn.
As my first decree,
I say we go inside the house.
[excited chatter]
Not on my watch.
[grunting] One sec. Just--
Give me a minute.
Hey, there. I'm Bill Green
of Green Family Farms.
I'm the original one. That's me.
Wait. No, ma'am. come back.
Just wanted to clarify.
Papa, what's wrong?
Dad met another Bill Green
and it's freaking him out.
It just feels weird. If--
If there's two Bill Greens,
then what makes me special?
Who told you you were special?
Not me, that's for sure.
Dad, it's not a big deal.
Names are just names.
It's not like you're the same person.
Why don't we go see what makes
the other Bill different?
Yeah, that's not a bad idea.
Ma, watch the stand, please.
Hm. Nah.
[COGBURN] My loyal subjects,
it is time to claim
what is rightfully ours.
-[POULTRY] Rightfully ours!
-[excited chatter]
My subjects, you must cease this madness.
Oh, wow, nice and cozy.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
[ALL] Ooh.
[all chattering]
Looking good, looking good.
You are destroying the humans' home.
This is bad animal behavior.
[belches] Yeah, maybe.
But I like it here.
Me too. It's different.
Yeah, it's fun. Why did you
think we would not like this?
[all, squawking] Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
No! Wait. I
Yes! Your time is over, doggy.
[all, chanting] King! King! King!
I deserve to rule.
Let us away.
What are we going to do, King Cogburn?
To the kitchen, royal subjects.
We're going to bake us a pie. [cackles]
[ALL] King! King! King!
No! Wait, I
Hey. Silver lining.
I get my day off after all.
Am I right? Hm.
[BILL] Oh, come on.
[ALL] Wow.
[ROBOT] Would you like to try a zunana?
A zucchini and a banana?
Would you like to try an apricorn?
A corn-apricot hybrid?
Who would do such a thing to a vegetable?
What was that, friend?
I'm just wondering
how a first-time farmer's market seller
has such a sleek setup?
Well, I worked for years in biotech,
made a ton of money.
I mean a ton.
Uh-huh?
But one day I realized
my true passion was farming.
So I started my own high-tech farm
using only cutting-edge new techniques.
Wow, Dad, this guy's a financial success.
See? You're nothing like him.
Dang it!
[fly buzzing]
You've made your king very happy.
[chomping]
Well, now that you got your pie,
we're all going to go back outside.
[clucks]
Back outside?
Well, yeah. This place isn't
really made for us, for one.
[chomps]
The grass in here tastes terrible.
Yeah, I want fresh air and sunshine.
We miss the coop.
And that strange loud box.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Oh, I hate it so much.
You fools. You're too idiotic to
realize that this is paradise.
We have everything
we could possibly want here.
More pie than you could eat
in a whole lifetime.
But I don't care about pie.
[ALL] Me neither.
[COW] We just want to go back
-to where it's comfortable.
-[door shuts]
You're not going anywhere.
You're all going to stay in here
and make me pie after pie
until I decide I've had enough.
Day after day,
until I decide that I'm full.
Do you hear me?
[ALL] Yes, Cogburn.
Good. Now, get to baking.
[HEN] Almost there.
Baking pie is hard, and I do not like it.
I'm so sick of making pie.
[grunts]
[sobs]
Mm-mm. Smells like freedom in here.
Or maybe that's cherries.
Dirtbag, please, you got to help us.
We hate Cogburn.
-Hate him.
-Cogburn is very mean.
Cogburn, mean?
I almost can't handle the shock.
Should I go tell Queen Phoenix?
[overlapped chatter]
Okay. Oh, wait.
Queen Phoenix isn't the queen anymore.
I kind of remember a bunch of folks
stripping her of her collar.
Who did that?
-We did that.
-[ALL] Yeah.
Oh.
Anyhoo, at least your new life
is as easy as pie.
[laughs]
I crack myself up.
Dirtbag, if you happen to see Phoenix,
tell her we're sorry.
I'll try to remember that.
Look at Other Bill over there.
He thinks he's the greatest thing
since sliced bread.
Well, guess what?
Not everybody likes bread.
Dad, that's ridiculous.
Everybody likes bread, Papa.
So, what if there's
another farmer named Bill Green?
It's just that
the other Bill Green is younger,
more handsome, richer.
Probably got all his fingers, too.
There's only one thing to do.
I must challenge him
for the name of Bill Green.
Uh, really?
[sighs]
[PHOENIX] Dirtbag, perhaps
[sighs] perhaps I was wrong.
Ah, come on, now. Don't talk like that.
[PHOENIX] I don't deserve to be queen.
Well, what if I told you
the animals were already
starting to regret their choice?
[COGBURN] Bow down to the lord of pies!
And what if I told you I made
them all feel guilty about it?
Now they realize how wrong they were.
Youdid that for me?
Ah, well, I decided I don't need
a day off after all.
Now, who's going to get that rooster?
Me. I'm going to get him.
-Who's going to get him?
-I'm going to get him!
I'm going to get him!
Whoa, there she is.
[barking and growling]
Okay, okay, you're kind of
freaking me out.
Listen up, Other Bill Green.
Big City ain't big enough for both--
There you are, Bill.
Oh, I'm so glad you're here,
because I've been thinking
about something all day,
and I just need to tell you
how inspired I am by you.
Inspired? By me?
I don't understand.
Yeah. You're doing what you love,
and you're surrounded
by a beautiful family.
Beautiful?
I spent years at a job
that left me little time
for anything else,
and, well, I guess I'm embarrassed to say,
you got it all, Bill Green.
Hey, are you that Bill Green
with all the super-cool super fruits?
No, I'm the other Bill Green.
Oh, cool, I'll just take
my money over there then.
Bring me
Oh, let me think. I know! More pie.
I think you've had enough.
-[ALL] She's back!
-Back for more, eh?
As long as my tail still wags,
I will fight for my subjects.
And I'll be by her side.
Well, I suppose the reason you
can't teach old dogs new tricks
is because they're dumb!
[Cogburn yells]
[gasps] What-what?
This is for our just and wise ruler,
Queen Phoenix.
[blows landing]
No. No. No, no, no, no--
[ALL] Yay! All hail Queen Phoenix!
Thank you, everyone.
I promise to always have
your best interests at heart.
Now let's go outside.
[all chatter]
The door. It's closed.
How do we open it?
I have an idea that just might work.
[barks]
[all gasping]
[ALL] She did it!
Phoenix, I'm home.
-[cow lows]
-Huh? Whoa!
[sheep bleat]
Phoenix! Who's a good girl?
She's my good girl.
[BILL] Oh, my gosh!
[clucking weakly]
What happened?
I got sweat in my eyes ♪
Lost a bet and got bit
By a hundred flies ♪
I fell out a big old tree ♪
Hit every branch
And scraped up both my knees ♪
I got chased by a dog ♪
Licked by a frog ♪
Got a rash on my leg ♪
Dropped a dozen eggs ♪
I got splinters at seven and ten ♪
And tomorrow I'll do it all again ♪