Freakshow (2013) s02e10 Episode Script

1 Right now, on "Freakshow.
" This man is gonna go for his 30th world record.
This week, we've got a big, world-record event.
[Audience groaning.]
I invited some neighbors over for dinner.
- What? - What do you guys do? We run a place called "The Venice Beach Freakshow.
" - Uh-huh.
- Okay.
[Screaming.]
[Screaming.]
- [Screaming.]
- Oh, God.
[Laughing.]
Folks, today, you will witness the strangest creatures on earth, the living wonders of the world, and the most amazing people on the planet.
They're all inside.
What you thought was a myth, you will see with your own eyes.
Welcome to "The Freakshow.
" You're thinking of it Too much of an angle to do the rap-around, so just just make the crack there perfect.
I want this act to be, like, kind of a release performance.
For your anger management program.
Yeah, kind of.
- I like that.
- Whoa! Uh-oh! - There you go.
- Great wow! This week, I'm holding a world-record event you will remember forever, and Asia is working on a death-defying act that involves whips, Morgue, and sword-swallowing.
She's gonna try to use her whip to hit a target on the end of a sword that's in his belly, and if she hits it wrong, that sword is gonna slice him inside out.
I mean, if she hits that handle, I I I'm either gonna die or go to the emergency room.
You can trust me.
- Hey, Danielle! - What? Look what I got.
My friends sent me some new presents.
- Oh, my gosh! - I know, right? You got any friends in there for me? Uh, maybe I don't know.
Let's see.
Oh, yeah Here's you a new friend, right there.
- What the hell is that? - [Laughing.]
That is a pig that was born with his brain on the outside of its head, and the vet decided to cut it off to preserve it.
- Aw, it's so cute.
- For us.
And listen, this is from a farmer in Texas, and he killed this animal.
The animal was in an animal trap and had chewed its foot off.
What the hell kinda animal is it? He believes it was a real chupacabra.
He's got the body He's getting it tested And I got the foot that the animal chewed off.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, look at that! - Whew! - Look at that.
Ew, that stinks, Todd.
- Oh, my gosh - How cool is that, though? And look right there That's where the animal actually chewed its foot off.
Seriously I feel like we need to, like Do things like invite people over for dinner, have cocktails.
Maybe, it is our time to, like, kinda have fun Like, what about neighbors? Like, we've been here so long, we know no We don't even, like, meet any Do you really want the neighbors to come over? Have you thought about it? Why? I don't know they might bug out.
I can't believe I'm actually at this point of my life that the kids are, like, growing up and I'm becoming, like, an empty-nester.
Me and Todd were like 20 years old when we got pregnant with Asia, so I'm like, now, it's kind of our turn to get back to being just me and Todd and having fun.
You know, it's pretty suburban here, and, you know - Yeah, it's very - People are pretty straight-laced.
But you never judge a book by its cover.
You should know that.
I I I know you're right.
How about this, let's think about it, for right now, let's just But promise me you're gonna think about it.
- I will think about it.
- Okay.
But for right now, let's just try to find a place for this foot.
It is really cool.
It could be a back-scratcher.
[Laughing.]
You want me to? Oh, oh I see my friend! - Wow! - What's up, man! Good to see you! Well, this week, we've got a big, world-record event going on.
We hope to break some world-records right here in front of "The Freakshow.
" I've invited my friend, Chayne the Space Cowboy, all the way from Australia.
This man is an incredible side-show performer.
He holds 29 world records for everything from underwater sword-swallowing to chain-saw juggling.
Something crazy is gonna happen this week.
Wow, look at this.
Chayne, we expanded a little bit.
Yeah, it's definitely changed.
I'm just really happy you're here.
What put you on your trail for having all these world-records, big dog? Uh, I've been performing since I was a little kid, when I was eight years old.
- Okay.
- I started unicycling and juggling, and then, I wanted to do more extreme things, so I started sword-swallowing when I was 16.
I've been into knife-throwing my whole life and just kind of Yeah, I like the bizarre, I like the extreme, and so, that's what I do.
You really are, in my opinion, one of the greatest in the world.
- Wow.
- And so for you to be here for this event's a big deal for me.
Yeah, this is amazing.
Chayne, you should tell them about some of your world records.
I've got 29 guinness world records.
I'm Australia's most prolific record breaker.
- So, yeah - Wow.
Speaking of world records, you are really close to having that world record.
You could have the longest beard On a woman.
There's only two women, maybe three in the world, that have full coverage beard.
What is the record? 10.
04 which is We gotta get just a little past ten.
You need to be working on that for the next couple of days.
Got it.
Do you want the world record, or not? Yeah! [Indistinct chatter.]
I think you could get it.
Nice! Todd, you know how, like, we wanted to meet the neighbors and stuff? You mean, you wanted to meet the neighbors.
Well, I invited them for dinner.
What? So, I gotta, like, clean up.
I wanna get the house together.
It's not that I don't like having people over at my house, but I prefer hanging out with show people, people I have things in common with.
- It'll be so good.
- I don't know, Danielle.
- You don't know.
- I mean, we got Chayne here this week.
- Perfect.
- He's staying with us.
He's from Australia.
He'll get to come in to a small dinner party, just us and the neighbors and him, and he'll get to have, like, a nice, American dinner.
If she's gonna bring over the neighbors, I've got some surprise guests, and they'll be here around dinner time.
- [Sighing.]
- I'm not gonna cancel.
So that goes, this goes, this maybe can stay.
I'm thinking the human skull needs to go.
You're really taking this off the table.
Yeah, and then, I'm gonna get this one.
I don't necessarily feel like I gotta clean up for the neighbors, but I don't wanna freak 'em out.
I just feel if people get to know us, like, a little bit, a little bit more, it makes it a little easier, you know what I'm saying? If you come in, and there's like a human skull staring at your face, while you're trying to eat dinner, to a person who's never seen stuff like that, that can be a little weird.
So what do you think would be too freaky? That thing kinda smells.
That is definitely a no-no.
They might accidentally mistake it for a meatball.
[Chuckling.]
This opens, you know? You could put like food in here.
You can put like a bowl of dipping sauce.
Does dad know that you're moving all this stuff? Well, he knows I gotta clean up.
I mean, I gotta have a place to put the food.
Dad was okay with having neighbors over for dinner? Let's just say For once, he's doing something I wanna do.
I don't believe this.
All right, what you got, Chayne.
Uh-oh.
I got a whole bunch of dangerous stuff.
- I love dangerous things.
- Yeah.
Is that what I think it is? Yeah.
Got some, uh, nice juggling knives here.
- Oh, man! - Juggling knives? Those are meat [Indistinct.]
.
I know, right? It was actually a bit of a mission getting all of this on the plane, that's for sure.
Wait, do you mind juggling just a little bit? Yeah yes.
So there we go.
- Yeah.
- Pretty cool.
So yeah so the current record for blindfold juggling on a unicycle is ten throws, ten catches.
So if I can beat that, it's another world record for "The Freakshow.
" Yeah! - That's cool.
- That is cool.
If there's one thing everybody knows about me, it's that I'm a history buff, especially for side-show.
So Space Cowboy can break a world record or two here at "The Freakshow," it's gonna go in the history books, and people will remember it, forever! All right, well Chayne, love you, man.
- Thanks anytime.
- Thank you so much for coming.
I'm really excited.
Perfect.
- What are you doing? - Hey.
I'm decorating the table Doesn't it look so pretty? I don't know if it looks pretty or not, I'm wondering where all my stuff is.
Where's the big alligator skull? I moved some stuff, so I can fit Do you know how delicate the teeth are on that thing? I do one fell off.
You're not this is not comedy.
I'm only kidding I'm only kidding.
- No-no-no! - Where's the monkey head? Right there.
Wait you got the babies covered.
Uh, yeah! - Where's the big devil fish? - And actually, - I had to fix that because - Where's the chupacabra foot? I put it in the front room.
What do you mean, you put it in the front room? What do you mean, I'm getting ready for a dinner party with our friends.
Look, this is cool they'll love this! They're gonna think we're head hunters.
Let 'em think that.
Look how nice that looks right there.
I'm willing to let you keep the alligator skull minus the headhunter's necklace and that's it I'm going to get ready.
I wanna fix my hair.
Uh, I'll see you in a minute.
Okay.
Danielle says she wants friends.
She's invited the neighbors, and I believe she should have friends, all of her friends Including "The Freakshow" family.
The headhunters necklace goes, but the flowers stay.
All right.
[Doorbell ringing.]
Oh, my gosh, they're early.
Hey, Danielle how's it going? What are you doing here? Todd told me to come over for dinner.
Yeah, you said you wanted friends over.
The more the merrier, right? - How's it going, man.
- Now that you're here, we're gonna have fun! I'm hungry, man.
I love everybody at "The Freakshow," but tonight, I thought was gonna be me and Todd and the neighbors, low key dinner.
I'm already nervous enough about them seeing the house, and now Creature's here and I don't mind, but I'm a little nervous what their reaction's gonna be like.
Now we'll really have some fun.
- Put these here.
- All right, there you go.
[Doorbell ringing.]
Oh, my gosh be on your best behavior.
- I will I'll be really good.
- Seriously.
- Hey! - How are you? - So nice to see you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much for inviting me.
- Thank you for coming.
Oh, my gosh wow! This is different.
A little different.
Oh, wow wow! This is my husband, Todd, I told you about.
- Hey.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- I'm Sally.
- Hi, Sally nice to meet you.
My husband Sam couldn't make it.
- Oh, that's okay.
- So next time.
Yeah, next time.
- There's a lot to look at here.
- Yes, there is.
- This is - You never get bored.
Oh, my God yeah.
[Doorbell ringing.]
- Hey, come on in.
- Hello hello.
Thank you so much for coming.
- Great thank you.
- Wow finally.
Come on in I want you to meet my husband.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hey, Todd Barbara.
- Barbara, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Steven Woo.
- Nice to meet you, as well.
- Well, I didn't expect this.
What do you guys do? We run a place called, "The Venice Beach Freakshow.
" - Uh-huh.
- Okay.
Wow.
This is actually our friend, Chayne, from Australia.
- He's visiting with us.
- Chayne This is Steve.
- How are you? - Lovely to meet you.
Hi, Chayne hi, nice to meet you.
Likewise.
- What are these? - Are those piercings? - Yeah.
- Ow-ow-ow! Ah! Oh, that hurts.
Oh, just put it right there.
[Screaming.]
[Laughing.]
Yikes what did we get ourselves into? I'm really scared because you know how you hear these stories like, oh, they're gonna lock us up.
- This is wild.
- Oh, my gosh.
I don't think we're gonna make it past appetizers.
Barbara is ready to haul ass out the front door.
- So how's dinner? - Oh, it's lovely.
Fabulous.
- She is such a good cook - Oh, my God.
- [Doorbell ringing.]
- This is wonderful.
- Who's that? - I don't know go see.
Company.
- Hurry go check.
- I'm coming.
- Hey, mom.
- Sorry we're late.
Hey, come on in.
Y'all late! I want you guys to meet George and then, this is Jessa, the bearded lady.
- Hi, Jessa.
- And then, this is amazing Ali.
- You guys hungry? - Uh, I'm starving! - Sit down sit down.
- So hungry.
So you wanna see a few other interesting things? - Yeah - Yay! Honestly, like, I am thinking everything is going good, but maybe they're not enjoying themselves.
Maybe they're like paralyzed, frozen in fear and they're getting ready to like, run out of our house and, like, tell the whole neighborhood we're crazy.
So this is the first way that I would get you into "The Freakshow.
" Oh, my God, can I touch it? Oh! Danielle worries too much.
I know she wanted to hide all my cool stuff, but let me tell you something I know people, and everybody loves a two-headed turtle.
So this is a dingo trap from Australia.
It's strong enough to break bones.
Just y'all stay back.
I mean, if you put your hand in there, it'd probably just snap it right off.
- [Screaming.]
- Oh, God! - Are you okay? - Are you okay? - Are you all - Oh Are you kidding me! What the? - Okay, so look up here.
- Baby.
Two headed baby.
Todd, I think we should wait for next time Todd.
Todd Ray save it for next time.
Well, let me say this, what's under this: Is just one of many mysterious things - Todd! - That are in "The Freakshow.
" And tomorrow, we have a big event.
- Are you coming? - I'd love to.
I'd love to! You know, when I first got into Todd and Danielle's house, I was definitely taken aback, but you know, after getting to know them, they're just like us and Danielle and I, I can see us hanging out and having coffee, talking about our kids.
I'll save this, Danielle, for another time.
There are some things that are hard to see.
'Cause I don't know if I'm gonna go tomorrow.
Are you ready for dessert, though? Yeah, right.
I want you to give a big, Venice Beach welcome to the one, the only, Jessa the bearded lady! [Crowd cheering.]
What we're gonna go for right now is the world record for the longest beard on a woman in history.
The world record right now Is 10.
04 inches.
Are y'all ready to see if she can beat this record? [Cheering.]
Okay, here we go.
- Uh-oh! - Is it, is it, is it? - Is it? - Hold on.
- The longest is - Ooh, still going.
Wait, that's a little over Eleven and a half inches! - [Crowd cheering.]
- Jessa the bearded lady.
She's got a world record for the longest beard on a woman in history! Are you really ready for this? If you can, make some noise! [Cheering.]
Today is our big, world-record breaking event here at "The Freakshow.
" And to start it all off, we've got Asia doing a very dangerous stunt with Morgue.
And if anything goes wrong, the only world record we'll be breaking, is how fast we can dial 911.
Now folks, if you pay attention, right here.
Morgue has a sword, but on the handle, they've attached a target.
If she misses the target and hits the handle Oh, my God! Make some noise! Come on, folks! Give them a round of applause! Wow that was insane! All right, folks, don't move a muscle.
We're about to bring out Space Cowboy.
He's going for a world record right here in front of "The Freakshow.
" Oh, there she is Sally! Hey, you really came! I gotta admit it, I was freakin' nervous to invite the neighbors over for dinner, but the fact that Sally showed up here at "The Freakshow" makes me so happy, I feel like I finally made a new friend.
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
I'll see you up there.
All right, I'll see you guys in a minute.
All right, bye! All right, folks, all the way from Australia, this man has 29 guinness world records.
Give it up for Space Cowboy! Space cowboy is gonna try to break his 30th world record here at "The Freakshow.
" This man has a nine foot tall unicycle he's gonna climb up on.
He's then, gonna try to juggle knives while he's blindfolded.
This stunt has so many things going on, anything could go wrong.
Y'all make some noise if you're ready to see this! [Cheering and applause.]
Okay, Space Cowboy, are you ready to go for the world record? The big one! Now how many times do you have to do it? Ten throws, ten catches - Blindfolded.
- Come on, Space.
Okay, here we go, ten throws, ten catches, blindfolded if that happens, it's a world record.
Here we go.
[Indistinct yelling.]
[Cheering and applause.]
I did it! Folks, do you realize he just accomplished his 30th world record! [Cheering.]
It's true! I knew that my 30th world record needed to be a big one and I'm so happy that I did it here at "The Venice Beach Freakshow.
" That was awesome.
All right good job, man! Thank you, man that was a rush! This week was full of new experiences for everyone here at "The Freakshow.
" Danielle opened our home to our neighbors, and we showed them the world of the side-show that they never knew existed.
We also held our first, world-record breaking event, with the Space Cowboy all the way from Australia and made it into the history books.
It was a lot of fun, and another chapter in the story of "The Freakshow.
" Make some real noise! [Cheering and applause.]
Here we go.
Come on, make some noise.
Look what he's doing.
He's going now.
Make some noise for Space Cowboy! Come on, make some noise!