Hiccups (2010) s02e10 Episode Script

I don't get it.
It's a Grumpaloo riding a flying horsephant being chased by a Stinkaloo on a crocodactyl.
That much I can see.
But what does it mean? It's art, doc.
It doesn't have to mean anything.
It just simply is.
Okay.
Well, what is the deal with that purple blotch up in the sky? It's the third moon of Jupiter, shining down on-- You know what? I don't have to explain this to you.
The people at the Animal Rescue loved it.
I think I'm missing something, like what we're talking about.
I painted this for the Animal Rescue celebrity art auction.
It's going to bring in enough money to stuff a goat.
Oh, I don't know if this is a good idea, Millie.
I mean, auctioneers have been known to send you into a white-hot rage.
This is a silent auction.
Do not get me started on those fast-talking gavel-smackers.
You're right, I shouldn't have-- And I've got a 10.
Does anybody else have a 10? Millie-- and coming around the corner it's who's-your-daddy with delectable donkey - Mille - neck and neck.
Swing, batter-batter-batter.
Swing, batter-batter! And sold! Millie? To the lady in the red dress! "Nouveau sitting?" Yeah.
I'm thinking about getting a sofa for the office.
One of my chairs collapsed and almost killed Millie this afternoon.
Oh, I know the perfect couch for your office.
Really? Is it shaped like a cheeseburger? 'Cause this one is.
No.
Take this couch to your office and then we get a new one.
Hmm.
I'm surprised you'd want a cheeseburger couch in our living room.
I don't.
And neither do you.
Oh.
Until you said that, I thought I did.
Great.
It's settled.
The Dirkos are getting a new couch! Well, that was fun.
Nothing like a healthy debate.
Now you need to call one of friends to help you get this hunk of crap to your office.
Right.
My friends You could ask Taylor.
No.
Taylor and I aren't really close enough.
I'll just ask one of my many other guy friends.
Hey, Taylor.
Would you help me move a couch? You got it.
It's half crocodile, half pterodactyl.
Does nobody watch the Discovery channel? It's lovely.
Now, can we get back to why I called you? Animal Rescue is hosting a meet-and-greet this afternoon.
What kind of meat? Oh, meet 'n' greet.
Well, that could be good, too.
Who are we meeting? Some local musicians, the mayor Gavin Tate is contributing a piece Who is Baxter Ruffington the Third? It's just some dog.
They dip his tail in paint and then he wags it against some canvas or something.
Aw.
Cute.
It's not art.
Now, Gavin Tate Now, he makes art.
Ooh.
Sounds like somebody has a lady crush on ol' Garvin.
Gavin.
No, I don't.
I just-- I like his work.
You know what else I bet you'd like? A Gavin sandwich-- him in between you and a piece of bread.
Would you go get ready for the meet-and-greet? Joyce and Gavin sitting in a tree H.
A.
V.
I.
N.
G.
Sex.
And down.
With your legs Nicely done.
Whoo.
Well, thanks for your help.
Should we break her in? I guess we could.
See how it feels.
Feels pretty good.
Yeah.
Comfortable.
These the original carpets? Not sure.
These were here when I moved in.
Pretty old.
Yep.
Yiperino.
Well, I should get going.
Yeah, hey, thanks again for your help.
No problem.
Is there a bus stop nearby? Yeah, that's right.
You came with me.
I could drive you I guess.
That would be the expected So, do you iron your coveralls or? Something wrong? I mean, you wanted us to put it there, right? Yes, I did It's just The coffee table looks kind of old and ugly now, doesn't it? Lady, that ain't none of my business.
But, now that you mention it, yeah, it looks stupid.
You have a good one.
Hello, I'm Millie Upton.
How's it going? Hi.
I'm Millie Upton.
Nice to meet you.
Hello.
I'm Millie Upton.
Who are you? Oh, Joyce! I have been meeting and greeting the hell out of this party.
Have you met and gret everybody? Not everyone.
Ooh! I'm guessing that's Gorvig.
It's Gavin.
He's not a viking warrior.
So go talk to him.
Maybe undo a button or two.
Let the girls introduce you.
I told you, I'm not interested in him.
Only his painting.
He is a prolific artist.
You know what else is prolific? His can! Hello, Joyce.
Oh, Mr.
Mayor! I heard you were contributing a piece.
Oh, yes.
I did a self-portrait.
Oh! That sounds-- It's a nude.
Oh This is an author of mine, Millie Upton.
Hello, your worshipness.
Actually, there was something I wanted to talk with you-- Was that Baxter? I have been dying to meet him.
Nice chatting with you.
Hello, Baxter! Good boy.
Circle.
Good boy.
Well, I got the office all set up.
If you ever get homesick for the old couch, you can always swing-- Say hello to your new living room! Crimeny Christmas, I thought we were just getting a new couch.
Well, the couch didn't match the coffee table, and the coffee table matches the end tables.
The TV stand was okay, but then I figured, "what the hell, I'm on a roll.
" What at all this rolling cost? You can't put a price on comfort.
$230 that should be the maximum price of comfort.
And our other stuff just sits in a pile there? That's gonna get old.
I need you to take it to the thrift store.
Call Taylor and have him help you.
Oh, sure, I'll just call Taylor again, out of the blue, and say, "hey, would you come over and help--" Oh, my God, it reclines! I was renovating the living room when Baxter sat in a paint tray.
Then he started wagging his tail, and I guess the rest is history.
Anyway, we call this one "The Wrath of Parvo.
" And he did all of this with his tail? The composition is perfect.
It's kind of smeary if you ask me.
I mean, it's no horsephant That one just confused me.
Left me cold.
Here's the man of the hour! Aw! What do you want? I think he wants to shake a paw! Do you mind if I get a picture with the two artists? I guess.
Oh, you did not just do that.
Hey! That dog has a wonderful spirit.
Get back here, you hairy sonofabitch! That's why these functions are so important-- to ensure that dogs like Baxter live long, happy lives.
That's why I'll be bidding on your Ramona piece for my office.
I'm flattered.
But a beautiful woman like yourself shouldn't have to bid on one of my paintings.
I'd be happy to create a work especially for you.
Beautiful Get out of here Let go, you sack of fleas! These are my favourite mittens! Drop it, you narcissistic, bone-biting hack! That was uncalled for.
Hey, Joyce, help me out here! The dog's a jerk, right? You said so yourself.
There must be another Joyce here.
Joyce? In light of yesterday's incident, we at Animal Rescue think it would be best if you withdrew from the art auction.
That is bull-dump! It's obvious there's bad blood between you and the lovable pooch.
Well, as long as you're not biased.
My mitt is missing her mate.
What hand will have her now? What if she apologizes to Baxter's owner in person? Nuts to that! I want an apology! Written.
He can do it with his tail if he's so great.
You are going to apologize to that dog and you're going to do it smiling.
Fine.
But only because you have the hot pockets for Gavin.
I don't have He's a very talented artist.
And quite handsome.
You should see him walking away! Okay, well, this should be the last of it.
See you soon, sweetie.
Taylor, what do you think of our new living-room set? It's nice.
When are you getting a new bookshelf? What's wrong with that bookshelf? Nothing.
Not everything has to match.
That bookshelf is fine.
Okay, but this shelf is the last thing.
Easy does it Whoo.
Thanks for your help.
So should I just drop you off at home, or What's the rush? Let's return the truck and head to Bump 'n' Fuzzy's for a little post-move brewsk.
Seems a little early in the day.
It's never too early for a couple of cold barley injections between friends.
Friends? Wow, that's Sure You know, I'm always up for a barley You're talking about beer, right? Shotgun! There's only two seats.
Okay, Millie, any time.
I just wanted to say that, even though Baxter does have a bit of an ego and he did ruin one of my best mittens And his paintings are rather marshmallowy and repetitive What Millie is trying to say is that she's sorry.
Well, Baxter is very hurt by all this.
You can see it in his work.
Really? You can? That's why we want to make it up to the little guy.
Baxtey! Baxter Ruffington, you get back in that room and do not come out until you've finished painting "Coquihalla Sunset!" Geez, you don't have to be such a slave driver.
He's just a dog.
He's a artist.
He's still a dog.
He needs to romp around and get into mischief.
Am I the only one who reads Marmaduke? Or has seen the hilarious film adaptation? Last I checked, romping and playing doesn't pay the mortgage.
Dogs hate playing anyway, from what I understand.
May I use your washroom? I just need a quiet place where I can go count to 10.
Just down the hall.
Thank you.
So Where did you get your hair cut? My mother.
Perfect.
There's nothing wrong with the dining-room table.
It's not even in the same room.
It was our wedding gift from Stan's parents.
And I cleared that parking meter with room to spare.
What about you, bud? How high can you jump? Oh, I guess it depends what shelf they put the cookie jar on.
Classic Stan.
Yeah, I'm a stitch.
Anyway, I guess I should probably-- Uh-oh! Who's this guy? Stan, say hi to Gordo, Jay and Bucky.
Guys, this is Stan.
He's part of the pack now.
- The what? - The wolf pack.
Hey, what do you say we head to the tap for some fish bowls and bumper pool? Sounds good.
Drink up, Stan.
Actually, I think I'll just call it a day.
Anna's probably waiting for me.
Aw, she'll understand.
I'll call her for you.
No, that's okay-- - What's your number? - No, that--that's-- Come on! What's your number? Taylor, look, I don't know if this is working out.
What? Maybe we'll just meet you there.
What isn't working out? Look, I know you helped me move.
And I'm very grateful for that.
But can't we just leave it at that? I see.
You don't want to be my friend.
No! No, it's not It's not it's not It's not It's fine.
As you can see, I have plenty of friends.
A whole pack.
So Taylor, wait.
Yeah? Well, it's just the tab still hasn't been You know what, never mind.
I'll take care of it.
I'll pay it.
You know, Millie has been gone quite a while.
Maybe I should check on her.
Excuse me.
Millie? Oh, no, she did not-- Run, Baxter! Run! You're free.
You're free! Okay.
That's enough running.
Let's walk to your freedom from here.
Come on.
Sorry that took so long.
Had to break things off with Taylor.
I may also be a little drunk Before you freak out, let me say, this carpet is very comfortable.
Where'd everything go? I sent it back.
It was the couch's fault.
First, the bookcase didn't match, then the dining-room table is not good enough If I hadn't put a stop to things, I'd be looking for a new husband right now.
I doubt if-- Trust me, Stan.
That couch did not like the looks of you.
Huh.
You'd think I would have picked up on that.
Joyce! Hey! What a surprise.
You live around here? No.
And neither does that dog, so give him back.
I had no choice.
You saw for yourself, it's like a sweat shop over there.
Well, dogs don't sweat, they pant-- So it's more like a pant shop.
But not a shop where you buy pants-- Millie, the only reason the cops aren't here is because I promised you'd return Baxter at the auction.
No can do.
Somebody's got to let them know.
Oh, great.
Lots of strange sounds coming from in there.
It's my niece, Wilma.
She's not right in the head.
Hey, stop chewing on my bra! It's so sad.
Well, I'd love to meet her Look, curious George, my friend and I are trying to have a private conversation here.
So, with all due respect, screw off.
I see.
Well No loitering.
Nice work, Joyce! You can help me kidnap a dog any day.
I didn't help you.
Now go get ready, grab Baxter and let's go.
Okay, now all that we're missing is the coffee table.
Dammit! That's what ties everything together.
Uh-oh.
I think I just found it.
Excuse me! This is my coffee table.
I don't think so.
I just bought it.
That's okay, honey.
Look, this one goes perfectly with our set.
I'll give you a hundred dollars.
And I'll throw in This lava lamp.
Toss in those Las Vegas dice pillows and you've got a deal.
Done.
Now we just get the couch back from your office and everything's back to normal.
But how are we going to get it all home? Taylor! How's it going, buddy? Uh-huh.
Let's get this over with.
You can give the dog back all you want, but I've got the wheels in motion and I'm going to blow this thing wide open! What wheels? Ms.
Haddison.
What are you doing with Baxter? Taking him for a walk.
I can't get enough of this little face.
Ew.
There they are! These are the two who stole my Baxter.
Give me that! I see the apology went well.
Okay, so I may have stolen the dog, but did you know that the dog is being forced to paint against his will? Baxter may not be able to frolic and play like the other dogs do, but his paintings raise a lot of money for Animal Rescue.
Well, that is ironic in the worst sense.
People should know.
Oh, sure, blow the whistle on us.
Then all the money that Baxter raises for needy pets will be lost.
Before we get today's auction underway, I've been made aware that Millie Upton wants to "blow all your minds with a truth-bomb.
" Sounds exciting.
Millie? Hello, everyone.
It is no surprise that Baxter and I have had our differences in the past, but you should all know that That he has the most refreshing breath for a dog.
Thank you.
That's your truth bomb? Weak.
No.
The truth bomb is Joyce Haddison has a crush on Gavin Tate.
Deal with that, people.
That should get you in the saddle.
I don't know what she's talking-- I just like his work! Okay.
That's it.
I'm officially never moving a single thing ever again.
Thanks for your help.
No problem.
Oh, and here's that 50 bucks I promised you.
Thank you very much.
I'll get out of your hair.
Well, wait.
You sure you don't want to stick around for a beer? Uh Stan? You don't have to feel obligated.
Well, it's just that, you know, you really helped me out.
I think we should relax Like a couple of guys With, you know, a malt missile.
Stan Well, a hop water does sound pretty good Great.
Stan! Yes? We're out of beer.
I see.
Would you say no to a milk? I don't know where Millie gets these crazy Joyce, I'd like to introduce you to my wife.
Wife Of course Joyce is interested in commissiongng a painting for her office.
Yeah, I just remembered.
I'm having all my office walls removed Kind of an open-concept thing, so See ya.
Circle back in a couple minutes with some scotch.
Thank you, Ms.
Upton.
I just wish there was a way that everyone could get what they wanted.
Maybe there is Go get it! Good boy! Good boy! Hey, you're supposed to do five more paintings today Better shake your tail.
I am shaking it, so just shut up.
You know why I like our old furniture? Tell me.
Because it's dependable, comfortable and not too fancy.
Kind of like you.
And you can bet it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
Well, I'm going to bed.
Good night.
Good night.
Yeah, I guess it is getting kind of late.
Oh, man, Die Hard is on! We've gotta catch that.
We do? I'll grab us a couple more Jersey juices.
Missy Grumpaloo was very excited because she knew the circus was coming to town.
She saved her pennies and bought a ticket so she could watch "Bucko the Wonder Pooch" do his amazing tricks.
But later, Missy saw how Bucko's owner trained him-- By being mean and nasty and using a big, scary stick.
Missy thought, "This trainer doesn't know that we should respect our animal friends.
" So she taught him.
Lesson #1: The tiger cage.