Home Economics (2021) s02e10 Episode Script

1 Chapter 17.
It was a new year, a time to look forward.
But as Denise and her sister, JoJo, were enjoying a fresh start to their relationship, for Tom and Marina, the new year marked an ending.
To finishing Sofía Salazar's book.
- Whoo-hoo! - Whoo! So what's the book called? "EVEN WHEN POOR, I FELT RICH: My Story.
" That's a good title.
It's like a riddle.
I just have one more proof, I gotta change a couple accent marks, and then adios, Sofía.
Book comes out in a couple months, and with our back-end deal You might be looking at two people who finally have their heads barely above water.
Oh, that is the dream.
Tom finally felt flush enough to replace his old watch.
Waterproof up to 100 metres, so yeah, won't be taking this bad boy off in the shower.
[LAUGHS.]
Wow, even your happy things are sad.
Problem is, the band is loose no matter how much I tighten it.
Curse of the bird-wristed boy.
My watch guy can probably fix that.
You have a watch guy? Well, no, he's technically my Jet Ski guy, but watches are his side hustle.
- I'll call him right now.
- You don't have to call him right now.
No, no.
No big deal.
Yeah, I'll just excuse myself and handle that right now.
Just go do that right now.
Okay.
Thank you.
[LAUGHTER.]
I'll be right back.
You guys keep practicing.
[GIGGLES.]
Wait, do you actually have a Jet Ski guy? Did that come off a little douchey? Not a little.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay, we need to be more careful.
Yeah, that's a good point.
No need to rock the boat.
Unless we're having sex on a boat.
I have a boat, you know.
You know you don't have to try so hard to impress me.
It's not like we're a thing or anything.
It's just fun.
Yeah, so much fun.
Secret fun in closets.
That's all it is.
We should get back.
Garage in 45 minutes? See you there.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey.
Hey, what's up? How are you? Kelvin went beast mode on his TikTok dance and spilled some cranberry juice on the rug, so I'm just gonna grab some stain remover.
- No, no, it's cool.
- No, I don't mind.
- It's fine.
- It's all good.
No, seriously.
It's all good.
But it's gonna set.
Cranberry sets.
I've been meaning to replace that rug anyway.
I never really liked the foot the foot feel.
Are you okay? Me? I'm just lonely.
Yeah, you know.
Especially with Gretchen at her mom's house, I just just don't have that special someone in my life.
Yeah.
Sometimes it's like I forgot how to kiss.
- Connor, you poor thing.
- It's tough.
You know, he who has family is never truly alone.
- Aw, that's beautiful.
- Yeah.
That's beautiful.
Wow.
Yeah.
Powerful words.
Forgotten how to kiss, huh? I really liked that rug too.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Sorry, lo siento.
Can you check again, por favor? Hey, I'm talking to this woman in Puerto Rico.
I'm trying to figure out the spelling of Sofía's elementary school, but she keeps saying that she didn't go there or something.
- Can you please? - You better credit me in your book.
Hola! - Marina? - I have my own interview style.
Sí, oye.
Okay.
Yeah, she didn't go there.
What? No.
She did.
Listen, "Across from the plantain farm" "where my family toiled in the sun "sat a one-room schoolhouse.
"It was here that I learned not just my ABCs but the value of community, of breaking bread together.
" Wow.
Toiled in the sun.
Huh.
- What? - Plantain farm, you say? Where are you going with this? Put on a pot of coffee.
University district hospital.
Come on, she told me she was born "in the back of my parents' tiny shack, "a structure held together with equal parts tar paper and love.
" God, that is good writing.
I knew she was bad news.
I mean, look at all of this.
Her whole rags-to-riches story is a lie.
She was born in the best hospital in San Juan.
She attended the Dorado Preparatory School, and her father, he isn't a farmer.
He owns a copper mine.
This is a disaster.
And she doesn't have an alibi for the night of the murder of Miguel Alvarez.
Wait, what? That one's more of a reach.
I don't know what to do.
I mean, I'm complicit in fraud.
Let's not freak out just yet.
The first thing that we need to do is just talk to Sofía.
Right.
Okay.
Hey, yes.
There are certain parts of my life that I, um Cómo qué se dice? Um fudged? Fudged? You told me you lived in a shack.
Because there was a shack on the grounds of our estate.
You know, the gardener lived there.
The title of the book is "Even When Poor, I Felt Rich.
" You felt rich 'cause you were rich.
My God, you're overreacting, Tom.
You are so cute.
Marina, if I squint, I I can see why you're attracted to him.
Flattery's not gonna work anymore, Sofía.
Tell us what you know about Miguel Alvarez.
- Who? - I don't know.
This this one's her thing.
Her eyes darted to the left.
That's a tell.
- Yeah, okay.
- Look, Tom.
Now, if this information goes out, the book might not.
And there is a lot Listen to me a lot of money at stake for both of us.
Okay, okay.
Tell you what, we'll just delay the book and rewrite it.
Or we do nothing, and nobody will ever know the truth, hmm? But we will.
[LAUGHS.]
My God, you're so dramatic.
Tom, I I love her, but I I gotta go.
You know, I am introducing a new ceviche tonight, so bye-bye.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
Yeah, I'm starting to think she did murder that guy.
Right? Kel, we all love your dance moves.
They are very sick and dope.
But we don't love it when you jump out of a loft.
- Mm.
- Yesterday Connor's rug.
Today your elbow? Uncle Connor said he didn't care about the rug.
Well, he's not himself right now.
He's lonely.
He just needs someone to come along and knock him off his feet.
BOTH: Oh! I'm so sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
- No, it's my fault.
I tend to not look where I'm going.
One of these days, I'm gonna end up in a hospital.
Get it? Hospital? Yes.
Yeah.
A sense of humour.
Check.
Hey, Kelvin.
I'm Dr.
Kylie.
I hear you hurt your elbow.
Yeah, I'm an active preteen.
Been here twice this month.
Same as me.
I just started yesterday.
Welcome to Resource Urgent Care.
You're going to want to check out the vending machine on four.
Sometimes it gives two Snickers.
- Good tip.
- [LAUGHS.]
I'm still getting my bearings.
New job, new city, new everything.
New everything? Did you move to town alone or Yep.
Single doctor in the big city.
Single.
All right, I'll be right back.
Okay.
We'll be here.
What's your game here? I think she might be a good match for Uncle Connor.
Hmm, I can see it.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, could I go to jail? I mean, I don't think so.
My name's not on the book.
People are gonna know that I wrote it.
Remember what "The Dallas Morning News" said? - I have - You have BOTH: A very distinctive writing style.
- Yup.
- Hey.
Got your watch.
My guy had to replace the band with one called the Little Executive.
It's very popular amongst bar mitzvah boys.
- Sorry, men.
- [SIGHS.]
What's up? What's going on with you guys? There is a um situation.
What kind of sitch? Let's just say we know something about someone.
A secret that person wants to keep quiet.
Oh.
What do you mean? What kind of secret? Is it about someone close to you? - Very close, yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, in that case, I'd say how about we keep this quiet and be cool about this, huh, guys? But how can we? Keeping the secret feels so dirty.
Although there is the potential for money if we we keep quiet.
Looking for a bribe, really? That's how you want to play this? What? No.
I I don't think the publisher would pay a bribe even if we were.
Wait, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? Publish Oh, is this about the cookbook? Hypothetically.
And it's a memoir.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, well, if you kept this work-related secret, would you be breaking the law? Like, would you be smuggling in millions of off-brand Korean emery boards or, like, violating any Bulgarian laws governing resource extraction or anything like that? No.
There might be a murder, but, um, I don't have enough to convict.
Ah, well, then keep the money.
It's business.
You earned it, my little executive.
- What were you talking about? - What? No, earlier, what were you talking about? Man, that's crazy.
Damn, it's getting late.
Gotta dip.
Hey, how's Kelvin? Oh, it's just a sprain.
And urgent care gave us a punch card.
One more visit, we get a free splint.
Mm.
And I want to let you know that I met someone.
- You met someone? - Yeah, a doctor.
Her name's Elizabeth, and she is so smart and so funny and athletic, and she's just so cool.
Wow.
Okay.
That's she sounds great.
- Yeah.
- So, um, just to be clear, you're leaving me? No, I want to introduce her to Connor.
Oh, Denise, no, no, we we have got to stop interfering in Connor's relationships.
Do you remember what happened with Jessica and Lindsey? Exactly.
We kind of messed things up for him, so karmically, it's on us to help him find someone.
You should've seen him at brunch, Lulu.
He is so lonely.
Well, I mean, it could be handy to have a doctor in the family next time - Kelvin goes full Kelvin.
- Mm-hmm.
Plus, I have this thing happening with my jaw.
It's like a like a clicking sound.
- Do you hear that? - I don't.
It's like Pop Rocks in there.
The book will probably be a hit.
I'd buy it.
A lot more money for us.
Money never hurt anyone.
So we're gonna let the book be published? I think we have to.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's the right move.
[SIGHS.]
[WATCH TICKING.]
- It's just so loud.
- I know.
Connor's watch guy must have jacked up the sound or something.
- Stash it in the rice.
- Bye.
Good.
Now we can sleep.
Actually, you know, I'm gonna do a little cleaning.
Good idea.
I'm gonna sweep the floors.
I'm gonna get the kids' high chairs.
God, this house is so dirty.
Okay, I'm off to my work thing.
Not that I don't know what your work is, but what is your work? Well, like, tonight, I'm attending this climate change fundraiser and I'm being paid to take selfies by an energy water.
- Hmm.
- Hmm, cleared that right up.
So what are you guys up to? Well, Connor's coming over, and so is a woman we're setting him up with.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Cool.
Fun.
- Yeah! Yeah.
So does he know about this big setup or No, no, it's gonna be a surprise, like a, um, "Oh, hey, now that you're both here," you know? Oh, good.
I mean, not that I care.
I'm just trying to go to work.
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- Hey.
- Hello.
- Hi.
It's nice to see you again.
As it is to see you as well.
What are you, vice presidents at a bank? Hey, you guys should let him in on your big plans for tonight.
I just think it'll be so fun.
Okay, fine, instead of boring old pizza and another lesbian historical drama Neither are boring.
We invited over a lady that we think you'll like.
She's great.
She's a doctor.
- You set me up? - Mm-hmm, yeah.
Oh, that's so nice.
That's so nice.
I kinda wish you had told me first, though.
Well, just go in with an open mind.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you never know.
- She could be the one.
- Uh, maybe.
- Yeah.
- Okay, bye.
Yeah, I'm gonna you guys have so much fun.
- We will, yeah.
- Okay.
Okay, bye.
- Oh, hi.
- Damn.
Elizabeth.
Hi, welcome.
You were just going.
Actually, climate change can wait.
This seems like the place to be tonight.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- And, Connor, Elizabeth used to play lacrosse just like you did.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Well, women's games are totally different than men's.
- Women's are all about - BOTH: Finesse.
- Yeah - Yeah.
Men's are more like run and smash.
[LAUGHTER.]
Look at these two with their inside jokes.
Okay.
You know, I actually almost played in college, but then I busted my knee stage diving at a Blink-182 concert.
No way.
Connor, Connor, did you hear that? Yeah, yeah, no, I heard it.
I'm right here.
His bedroom used to be covered in Blink-182 posters.
Aw.
[LAUGHS.]
So cute.
I'm gonna go get another glass of wine.
So lacrosse, Blink-182, discuss.
Yeah, I'm gonna go get some more ice.
Um, while you're here, I have this clicking happening in my jaw.
Do you think you could check that out for me? - Yeah, absolutely.
- It's like a Do you hear that? You know I had nothing to do with this.
I know.
I mean, my sister's got a good eye.
She's a hot lacrosse-playing, Blink-180 whatever.
182.
You don't have to be jealous.
[SCOFFS.]
Who's jealous? I'm saying it's a great match.
You should go for it.
But what about What about what? You and me? Like we said, it's not anything, right? Right.
Yeah.
Look, if you want to go after homegirl, don't let me stop you.
Fine.
Maybe I will.
- Good - Great.
- Awesome.
- Sublime.
Do you hear that, though? You can hear it, right? - Yeah.
- It's like a medieval drawbridge.
[VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING.]
What are you doing? - Ah! Hey, sweetie.
- Ah.
Remember how I was vacuuming in the kitchen, the dining room, and then under our bed and under your bed and then out on the patio for a little bit? Now I'm doing up here.
And I am de-linting the couch.
Oh, and look what I found in here, a fidget spinner.
Do you still like using a fidget spinner? You guys never clean.
- That's not true.
We do.
- We love cleaning.
Let me get a little bit of that.
Hey, do you think that maybe we feel just a little bit guilty about keeping Sofía's secret? What? No.
Nah, I think it's just, when you really open your eyes, you realise everything's very dirty.
You know, we live in a dirty, dirty world, and you and I are just trying to clean it up, and, oh, my God, I think I can still hear that watch ticking.
- It's insanely loud.
- Right? And that's the crazy thing about diphtheria.
It's super infectious.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Kind of like Blink-182.
[LAUGHS.]
That's hilarious.
We're both so into Blink.
Yeah, we get it.
You know, we we should do this again sometime but like a a real date, you know, in a in a sister-free environment.
And I am a lock for maid of honour.
Okay.
Be cool.
That'd be fun.
I'd love to do something by the water.
I feel like I've barely seen the bay since I moved here.
Oh, they say the best way to take in the bay is is by boat, and I have a boat.
I pretty much grew up on a boat.
- What? - Yeah.
- Ah! Oh, my God.
- [CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Look, I just got a match on Raya.
I'm gonna go.
Oh, no.
Bye.
So should we set it up for this Saturday? For what? Sailing.
You two.
On a boat.
'Cause of me.
It's gonna be so fun.
Okay, you must have heard that, right? It's like a woodpecker.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do it again.
Here's one, the book's a hit, it'll lead to more jobs.
So another sock for the keep quiet pile.
And I mean, Sofía lied, but it's not like she committed a crime that we know of.
We'll call this Sofía not a murderer yet.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, still just one sock in the expose Sofía's secret pile.
Seeing it laid out like this, I feel better.
- I do.
- Yeah, it's the right move.
- Yeah.
- More cleaning? Oh, no, sweetie.
This is kind of a complicated grown-up thing.
We had to make a decision, so we decided to separate baby sock piles into two.
And for every reason we decided one way, we'd put a sock in this pile, and for the other way, that pile.
What's that one by itself for? Oh, this one's just a Well, it's kind of 'cause Daddy felt guilty about not being able to tell 100% of the truth.
- You mean lying.
- Um well, I wouldn't say I didn't say lying because it's not technically lying.
But if you I guess if you look at the definition of Okay, um, Camila, can you give us a minute? And please stop silently judging us.
- Thank you.
- [SIGHS.]
- Disappointing our daughter.
- Yeah.
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
It's my agent.
Remember, we did the right thing.
Right.
Amanda, what's going on? An anonymous source leaked some info about Sofía Salazar.
She made up her rags-to-riches story.
- What? - She lied to us, Tom, and now it looks like the book's not coming out.
Oh, my what are you talking that's crazy.
- That's crazy.
- Okay, pull it back, honey.
- Okay.
- So what are we gonna sell next? There's always my novel.
Ooh, a novel.
What's it about? You've already read half of it.
Remember, it's about my family.
Three siblings, different levels of financial success.
Sounds great.
Too bad you wasted your time on Sofía's book.
You talked me into it.
Who can remember who did what? You just get back at it, Tommy boy.
[SIGHS.]
Well, back to square one.
Yeah, we got nothing without the victim's phone records.
Oh, you meant financially.
Yeah, sorry.
It's just, I was looking forward to some stability.
I guess that's gone.
Listen, we're gonna be okay, okay? We're gonna work through this together.
You're gonna finally finish that novel, and in the meantime, I'm gonna go back to work.
Really? Are you sure? Yes.
You know, investigating Sofía made me realise I really miss practicing law.
And hey, at least now you can wear that that watch.
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, it's cold.
But you know what? Feels good.
Watch bought with lies is now a watch of righteousness.
No more telltale ticking.
I can't hear it at all.
Me neither.
Yeah, that's cause it's broken.
Cold broke it.
I think I'm gonna bring this back to Connor's watch guy.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry, I I think I left my clip-on ring light here.
Don't you have, like, five of those? I guess.
Yeah.
So how was the rest of your date with Dr.
Hot Doctor? Fine, I guess.
Probably not gonna see her again.
Why not? I thought by now, you'd be out on the bay blasting Blink-311.
It's 182, and you know it.
How was your big date? I was tired and didn't feel like meeting some club DJ with frosted tips.
Also, uh, I made it up.
I couldn't compete.
I'm living on my sister's couch, and she's this She's great, but she's not She's not you.
I feel like I can be myself around you.
You make me laugh.
You're not impressed by my incredibly sick house.
[LAUGHS.]
Not to mention you're absolutely adorable.
Oh.
Well, shoot.
I guess now I have to kiss you.
Oh.
I'm starting to think this thing might actually be a thing.
- Oh, it's definitely a thing.
- Mm-hmm.
But let's just keep it between us for now.
Plus, it's kind of hot sneaking around.
Right? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! So what do you say to your fans who feel like you've lied to them about your entire life? Well, uh, I would say I am so sorry.
And then I would say thank God.
Thank God? Yes, because now I am able to you know, to to embrace my truth and tell them my real story.
And I'm gonna expose it all in my new book.
And I'm writing it with Michael Chabon.
- [GROANS.]
- I can't wait to read it.
Chabon.
To think I liked her flan.
It's gonna be amazing.
[LAUGHTER.]