I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e10 Episode Script

Synced and corrected By Katniss Everdeen Hey, Betty, we have a favor to ask you.
You know how Betty loves doing favors.
By the way, that was sarcasm.
Saturday is Lindy and Logan's 16th birthday, and we wanna throw them a surprise party.
Can we do it here? Absolutely not.
That wasn't sarcasm.
See the difference? Hey, remember when you said, since we spend so much time here, you started to think of us as family? I knew that was gonna get thrown back in my face.
Fine.
You can have your party here.
I am so glad we're related.
Get off me.
Yep.
Just like family.
Okay, so Delia and I will handle the party planning.
Garrett, you have one job.
Keep Lindy and Logan away from here while we set up.
Okay, but where do I take them? And how long should I keep them away? And when do I bring them back? I knew we should've put him in charge of balloons.
Sh! Here they come.
No more birthday talk.
Hey, guys, what's up? Nothing.
Okay.
We're gonna get some smoothies.
You came to the right place.
You know what's going on here, don't you? Linds, come on, I rarely know what's going on.
Didn't you notice? Garrett's acting nervous.
He always acts nervous.
Delia's acting weird.
She always acts weird.
Jasmine stopped talking for five seconds.
Oh, something is up.
What do you think it is? Isn't it obvious? We're turning 16 on Saturday.
They're our closest friends.
One more hint.
They're planning a surprise party for us.
Thanks for ruining it.
Listen, just don't let them know that we're on to them.
- Just play it cool.
- Got it.
Okay, guys, we got our smoothies.
- We're coming back over now.
- Well done.
I could do this all day.
Why are you listening to records anyway? Because the only way to appreciate the Weasels is on vinyl.
They sound so much better this way.
Oh, yeah, this is better.
Better.
Better.
Pop Go the Weasels.
That was their third album, right after Weasel While You Work.
It was all downhill after that.
Is this the band with that drummer guy you like? It's not just "that drummer guy," okay? Keith Edwards is one of the greatest rock drummers of all time.
He's the reason I took up the drums.
So I have him to thank every time I yell, "Logan, keep it down!" Last week, I was on the "all things Weasel message board, and read that the band sometimes plays at a club on the south side.
They have a Weasels message board, and I'm just now hearing about it? - Hey, guys.
- What's up? Don't ask about the Weasels.
I was just wondering, do you guys wanna come with me to a dog show on Saturday? My mom's showing Garret 4.
Your mother named her prize dog after you? That's quite a compliment.
Actually, I'm named after the dog.
That's still a compliment.
Just the other way.
Thanks, but, uh, Saturday's our birthday, and, no offense, but I'd rather, well, do anything than go to a dog show.
What are you talking about? Garrett, we would love to go to the dog show.
Well, great.
I'll see you guys Saturday.
Why did you say that? I don't wanna go to a dog show.
There is no dog show.
It's just a cover for whatever the birthday surprise is.
Surprise? You ruined it again.
And you're sure there's not gonna be a dog show? There is no dog show.
Okay, so there is a dog show.
Hey, Garrett, where's your mom? Flat tire.
You drive an 18-wheeler, one of 'em's bound to go flat.
So you have to show the dog? Yep.
I just hope I don't embarrass myself.
How could you embarrass yourself wearing a royal blue ladies' pantsuit? It's not royal blue.
It's azure.
Never argue with a man in a ladies' pantsuit.
And it's my mom's.
I'm wearing it because the dog's used to her scent.
I think it looks good.
You look almost as manly as your mom.
Introducing Garrett Wish me luck.
Whoa! Wow, that dog is moving really fast.
Hey, at least Garrett's still on his feet.
And he's down.
Oh! Oh, no, not the stairs, not the stairs! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Oh! I thought the dog was supposed to go through the hoop.
At least we don't have to stick around for the trophy presentation.
I just had a great idea for the party.
You don't mean the party that's already planned, Delia said hopefully.
That's the one, Betty said with disdain.
The idea is, we do a comedy roast.
We make funny speeches about Lindy and Logan, everyone laughs, it's hilarious.
That sounds fun.
So, something like, I'm not saying Betty's prickly, but put a bow on a cactus, and you can't tell 'em apart.
Yeah.
Like that.
But funny.
And not about Betty.
Look what I got.
White cake with buttercream frosting.
Lindy's favorite.
Jazz, I'm pretty sure her favorite cake is German chocolate.
Deels, I've known Lindy since the first grade.
It's always been white with buttercream.
Jazz, I've also known her since the first grade.
German chocolate.
Deels, I've known Lindy since the first day of first grade.
I remember because I was running across the playground to meet her, and this clumsy girl ran right into me.
That was me.
That's when I knew I needed glasses.
The point is, I saw her first.
Well, I smelled her first, and she smelled like German chocolate.
How does my face look? Which half? The rug burn half or the stair bruise half? I think you just answered his question.
So now that the dog show's over, hey, I just had a crazy idea.
Why don't we go to Rumblejuice? How is that a crazy idea? We go there all the time.
Let's do something else.
No, Logan, I think that's a great idea.
What could be better during a snowstorm than ice-cold smoothies? Hi, Mom.
Dad and Garrett are on their way home.
Yes, the dog is fine.
Yes, the pantsuit is fine.
But I fell and got dragged across the Yeah, I can hold.
So that's it.
The surprise party's gonna be at Rumblejuice.
- Okay.
- What is wrong with you? It's your birthday, and you're getting a big party.
Why aren't you more excited? I'm sorry.
It's just that birthdays aren't that big a deal for me.
- Why not? - I don't know.
I guess because we're twins, and we always celebrate together.
It feels like I only get half a birthday.
Half a birthday? I feel like I get two.
I don't wanna argue about math on my birthday.
I had no idea you felt this way.
Kind of makes me sad.
I'm not complaining.
It's just the way it is.
Right now, we're on a train rushing to a party with our friends.
How great is that? Attention, passengers.
Due to snow on the tracks, we are experiencing a delay.
Don't answer that.
Betty, I'm having a little trouble with the roast.
I can't come up with any funny insults for Lindy.
The secret to a good roast is making fun of someone's flaws.
Lindy doesn't have a lot of flaws.
Everybody's got flaws.
- Is she messy? - No.
- Cheap - No.
Does she have funky-looking toes? Ew.
Of course not.
You sure? I've never seen her wearing sandals.
What are you doing? I'm carrying precious cargo.
Unzip me.
What is that? I fixed the cake problem.
We don't have a cake problem.
We don't now.
German chocolate.
Can't believe you went out and got a cake when we already have one.
I had to.
Lindy would expect her best friend to get her the cake she likes.
Her best friend did.
Fine.
We'll just put Lindy's favorite cake right here next to this one, and when they get here, we'll see which cake mine she goes for.
Hey, watch it.
You dented my cake.
I'm sorry.
It was an accident.
I'm sorry.
That was an accident, too.
Oops! My bad.
Deels, you got a little something on your glasses.
Oh, now it's on.
- You wouldn't.
- Oh, but I would.
Lucky for you it's good.
Try that one.
It's better.
Attention, passengers.
We're still waiting for the snow to be cleared.
We appreciate your continued patience.
How long do you think we'll be here? Logan, he can't hear you.
It's just a speaker.
We hope to be on our way in about two hours.
Thank you.
You were saying? Two hours? That's not gonna work.
What time does the party start? Party? There's no party.
I don't know about any party.
Dude, this is an emergency.
There is no time for your clumsy lying.
Now when is our party starting? Fifteen minutes ago.
Surprise! We are not missing that party.
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
We'll pry open that hatch, crawl out onto the roof of the train, climb down the ladder, walk back to the station, where we'll catch a cab to Rumblejuice.
Sounds simple enough.
I'm not doing that.
It sounds dangerous.
I thought you'd wanna get out because of your claustrophobia.
Claustrophobia? I forgot all about that.
Get me out! Let me out! How does it look? Not too bad.
But you guys better be careful.
It's a little slippery Hey, Garrett found a shortcut.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Thanks for stopping.
Oh, don't thank me.
Thank the car I ran into.
We're going to Rumblejuice.
It's at 2624 Birkner Avenue.
Can you get us there? I'll try, but I'm gonna need some help.
Stick your head out there.
You're gonna be our navigator.
Anybody else wanna sit up front? - No thanks.
- I'm good.
All right, I got a general idea where we're going.
Just shout out anything else I should know about.
Okay, well, uh, I guess you can pull out.
All right, good.
Uh, stay to the right.
That's good.
Stop sign ahead.
- What's that? - Never mind.
Oh, man, I forgot to say good-bye to the speaker.
It was just a speaker.
It couldn't hear you.
I don't make fun of your friends.
Little close to some trees on your right.
Watch out.
Watch out! Okay, I'm done.
Sorry, kids, the roads are just too dangerous.
I can't get you there.
So that's it? We're just gonna spend our birthday stuck in where are we? The south side.
South side? Huh.
I think I chipped my tooth on a frozen acorn.
Maybe it happened when you fell off the train, or got dragged around the dog show.
And I fell in the shower this morning.
Why did I get up today? Can you take us here instead? Sure.
That's just around the corner.
- Where are we going? - You'll see when we get there.
Can you give us a couple more blocks, kid? Sure.
Why not? I still have some face left.
It's from Garrett.
They're not gonna make it.
They're stuck on the other side of town.
Oh, and he said Lindy's favorite cake - is white with buttercream.
- He did not! Oops.
Deleted.
They're not coming? So I wrote three pages of roast jokes for nothing? Well, I guess I can change Logan to Grandma and use them at Christmas.
This night has been a complete disaster.
No one showed up but us.
And I'm not that thrilled you're here.
Back at ya.
I still can't believe you ruined my best friend's cake.
You ruined my best friend's cake.
- Lindy's my best friend.
- She's my best friend.
Okay, that's enough.
I've had it with you two.
Throwing cake, arguing over whose best friend is whose.
You wanna know what a real problem is? Not having a best friend.
Who doesn't have a best friend? I don't.
The polite thing, at this point, would be to act shocked.
- That's awful.
- Betty, no! I would give anything just to have one best friend.
And you each have two, and you're fighting about it.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
She's right.
I'm sorry, Deels.
I just wanted everything to be perfect for Lindy, and I got carried away.
I did, too.
I'm sorry, too.
Thanks for saying all that, Betty.
Yeah.
Your pathetic story really straightened us out.
Just think of it as another life lesson from Betty Hello.
Oh, hey.
I gotta take this.
It's my BFF.
I thought you didn't have a best friend.
I just said that to prove a point.
Everybody loves Betty.
What are we doing here? Just grab a table.
I'll be right back.
Excuse me.
Is Keith Edwards playing here tonight? Usually, but it doesn't look like he's gonna make it because of the weather.
That's a bummer.
My brother's his biggest fan.
- The rest of the band is here.
- He doesn't care about them.
I mean, I'm sure the other Weasels are fine gentlemen.
It's just, my brother's a drummer.
Ah, yeah.
Drummers dig drummers.
It's a little creepy, but I get it.
Wait, so the band's just gonna play without Keith? I don't think they're gonna play at all.
Can't rock without a drummer.
This is gonna sound crazy, but Am I blinking now? No.
Am I blinking now? No.
When are my eyeballs gonna defrost? Excuse me.
I hear you play the drums.
Any chance you wanna fill in tonight? Me? I don't know.
I probably don't know their songs.
I think you might.
The Weasels? - The actual Weasels? - Yep.
That means these are Keith Edwards' drums.
This is that club that you heard about.
You want me to play Keith Edwards' drums? He's a little slow on the uptake.
Typical drummer.
Yes! You were awesome! Even with frozen ears, I could tell that was good.
That is officially the coolest thing I've ever done.
Happy birthday, Logan.
Hey, could you get a picture of me sitting behind Keith's drums? - How about a picture with Keith? - Keith Edwards? Yeah, I know.
I'm much better-looking in person.
It is such an honor.
You sounded good, kid.
When he giggles, it means "thank you.
" - Oh.
- Oh, here are your sticks.
Keep 'em.
You're welcome.
Surprise! Hey, we're supposed to say that.
Yeah.
Happy birthday.
Hey, you guys got us a cake.
Or two? Yeah, we had a little disagreement about what kind was your favorite.
Not that it matters, but - Red velvet.
- I knew it! Okay, let's get the roast started.
I'm not saying Lindy's too nice, but when she sneezes, cartoon birds come out of her nose.
And do you know how to make Logan laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Betty, that just sounds mean.
It is mean.
That's why it's funny.
This is the last party you're ever having here.
Guys, thanks for this party.
Sorry we missed it.
You three are the best.
Hey, we're your oldest friends.
Well, I am.
Technically.
- Don't start.
- Okay, whatever.
Linds, thanks for making this such an amazing birthday.
It was your 16th.
I had to make sure it was special.
Special? It was the best one ever.
Love you, sis.
Love you, bro.
Oh.
My eyes defrosted just in time.
Dad!