iCarly s02e10 Episode Script

Okay, everyone's seen a horse do this.
Pblpblpblpbl! We don't know what it means, we just know that horses always say-- pblpblpblpbl! Pretty interesting, right? But it's even more interesting in slow motion.
So, let's take a look at Sam and me from earlier today going-- pblpblpblpbl! But all slow-mo-ified.
Go, Freddie.
Playback ready.
Okay, first me.
And now me.
And now both of us.
And now Freddie.
And Spencer.
And last but not least my crazy grandmother who we call-- she's actually half horse! Okay, next on the iCarly-- --Sam and I are gonna show you one of the funniest guys on the Web.
Even funnier than the burping giraffe.
His name is Fred, Fred is awesome.
He makes these insanely hilarious videos that are sorta impossible to describe.
So we'll shut up and you just watch.
All right, people.
We give you-- hey, it's Fred, and it's really nice out, so I think I'm gonna go swimming later.
My mom found this really cool pool at the dump.
It's really big and really deep.
I think I might drown.
I also got a letter in the mail.
It might be from my dad.
"To Fred--" what the heck is this? "Ha ha.
You probably thought "this was your dad, you loser.
"Anyways, I told you "that I know where you live.
P.
S.
Your voice is weird.
" So the crazy guy really does know where I live.
What if he comes over here and steals all the food out of our fridge? I don't want anyone to steal our food.
If you're wondering why I'm wearing my shirt while I'm going swimming it's because I'm uncomfortable with my body.
Oh, my God! There's a shark! This pool is small.
Oh, my God.
Kevin's chasing after me.
Okay, well, since I'm really mad, I think I'm gonna go because I don't think I wanna take all my anger out on you.
Bye.
Okay, I say that video deserves a-- Yeah, all right.
Okay, next on iCarly, Sam and I, we're gonna shave some stuffed animals.
Which is always a good time.
But now I'm thinking that instead we should watch another Fred video.
What you think, Sam? I think we should.
Freddie? I think you guys should shave the stuffed animals.
You don't wanna see another Fred video? Not really.
Why not, fudge face? Because I don't think Fred is all that funny.
Uh, do you know how popular his videos are? Each one gets like a billion views.
How can you not think Fred is not funny? I didn't say he was unfunny.
I just don't love his videos.
Well, apparently Freddie's got his little anti-bacterial underpants in a bunch.
I stopped wearing antibacterial underpants and I'm entitled to my opinion.
And it's my opinion that we're out of time anyway.
So till the next iCarly-- stay in school.
Recycle.
Pour milk on your parents.
Hug a duck.
Eat a stick of butter.
And shampoo a squirrel.
Bye.
See ya on the next iCarly.
Ciao.
Peace.
And we're clear.
Yeah.
Whoo! You guys done with the show? Uh-huh.
Yup.
Just finished.
Cool, check out what I found.
What is that? Looks like something my aunt Maggie would cough up.
Well, she's a smoker.
What is it? It's my magic meatball.
I carried this thing around with me like all during seventh grade, which was arguably the best year of my life.
What does a magic meatball do? It gives you perfect advice.
You ask it any yes or no question, shake it and then, boom, it tells you what to do.
That's so stupid.
It is not.
I read an article about a guy who made $3 million using one of these to pick stocks.
Dude, it's a toy.
A magic toy.
Here.
Watch.
Will my phone ring in the next five seconds? The answer is no.
Spooky, huh? In 5, 4, 3, 2-- I know, you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one every time you see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give it your best Should I drink a glass of this iced tea? Negative.
Aww.
Wahoo punch? The meatball says no.
Aww.
That's all we have.
What am I supposed to drink? Ketchup? The answer is yes.
Well, you haven't steered me wrong yet, magic meatball.
Hey.
Wh-when did you-- what are you doing here? I was in the neighborhood, wanted food, didn't wanna to pay for it.
Here I am.
All right.
Hey.
Carly home yet? No, but everyone else is.
Why are you drinking ketchup? My magic meatball told me to.
I'm tired.
I'm gonna go take a nap.
Hey, do you know what's going on? I've gotten about 10 texts in the last 5 minutes telling me to check out splashface.
Yeah, Carly just texted me saying the same thing.
She says to look up "Fred is dead.
" Huh.
"Fred is dead.
" Here it is, just posted an hour ago.
Click on it.
Hey.
It's me.
If you saw the last iCarly, then you heard Freddie Benson say he doesn't like my Fred videos-- 'cause I don't think Fred is all that funny.
Well, thank you for crushing my feelings.
Now I'm not gonna post any more Fred videos ever again.
Internet, I click you goodbye.
You see what you did? You killed Fred.
Aah! I just gave my honest opinion.
Hey, you guys gonna be okay here alone till Carly gets back? Sure.
Why? I thought you were tired.
Yeah.
But my meatball says I wanna go surfing.
Oh.
I see you girls are fans of Fred.
Heh.
Oh, dear.
Guys, guys.
Unh! Augh! Aah! Yeah, thank you.
Boo.
Oh, come on, guys, it's not my fault.
Aah.
All right, who threw this at my head? Who threw this low-fat fat cake at my head? Huh? Well, I'm keeping it.
Yaah.
What's up, guys? We just had an emergency meeting of the mathletes.
Oh, well, how come I wasn't invited? 'Cause you killed Fred.
All I did was give my opinion.
Well, your opinion stinks.
Easy, Shawn.
I'm very sorry to say this, but the mathletes are subtracting you from the team.
What? Come on, I'm our best long divider.
Then you should be able to handle this long division-- --between us and you.
Oww! Hey, Benson, this Fred thing is getting way outta control.
Kids keep booing and throwing things stuff at us.
Get up! You just had to trash talk Fred.
I didn't trash talk him.
It's not Freddie's fault.
He just gave his opinion.
Yeah.
And anyway it's not like-- Uh-oh, check it out.
Augh! Why are they blaming our whole show? It's all Freddie's fault.
Hey! Well-- well, it's way worse for me, I've been kicked out of everything except the junior bow and arrow club.
I'm out.
--Because I just don't see what's funny about Fred.
It's not my fault he quit.
Hey, you don't have to call me names.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're a bigger one.
Who was that? My aunt Jennifer.
Who texted you? Gibby.
He wants us to check out some website called neverwatchicarly.
com.
Well, that can't be good.
I know it can't be good.
Freddie.
Already on it.
neverwatchicarly.
com.
Oh, man.
Some guy started a whole website just to try to stop people from watching iCarly? All 'cause you irritated Fred.
Aaaah! Oww.
Ah.
Okay, let's not panic.
How many people have signed up to support him? Um, a few hundred.
Okay.
That's not so many.
Wait.
I just refreshed the page.
Now it's up to 3,000.
How many? Refreshing.
Yikes, 18,000.
Are you sure? Refreshing.
90-- okay, why don't we stop refreshing.
Unh! Uh, what you got there? It's a smoothie.
I think she meant the gigantic bird.
Oh! This is Marvin.
He's an ostrich.
I just bought him.
Your magic meatball told you to? Yes.
Hey, would you get that? Marvin wants a root beer.
We're gonna go into the kitchen.
Carly, any comment on the Fred fight? What? It's not a fight.
But iCarly killed Fred.
Don't you feel guilty? No.
Freddie was just expressing his opinion.
Do you agree with his opinion? Yeah, do you also think the Fred videos are terrible? I never said the Fred videos are terrible.
Sam, is it true that you've been arrested four times? Three times.
Get your facts right.
And get outta here.
Arrrgh, Marvin bit my pants.
No, Freddie was just expressing his opinion.
You agree with Freddie's opinion? Get outta here.
This whole thing is getting insane.
Did you check and see if the Fred guy answered your e-mail? I check every 10 minutes.
What won't he write back? Because he's a jerk.
You're the queen of the jerks.
Why pick on me? Two reasons.
Number one, I love it.
Number two, this whole fight between iCarly and Fred is your fault.
I just said I didn't think his videos were all that funny.
He's the one who overreacted and started this whole brouhaha.
Brouhaha.
You can't say things like brouhaha and not expect people to hit you.
Fred wrote back.
He did? What did he say? Uh-- will he start making the Fred videos again? No, but he says he'll meet with us and talk about it.
He wants us to go to his house.
Where does he live? Shelby, Idaho.
That's about 4 hours from here.
My mom could drive us.
She got her license back? I didn't say that.
Well, did she get her van back from the police? Maybe someone else should drive us.
This is going to be a very important art exhibit that will feature the most promising young artists in Seattle, and we'd really like to include some of your sculptures.
Wow! That is such an honor for you to ask me.
So you'll do it? Could you excuse me for just one second? Of course.
Okay, magic meatball.
Should I let him use my sculptures in his art exhibit? Definitely not.
Oh, please.
This is such a huge opportunity.
Ask again later.
But we need to discuss this now.
I must advise against it.
Come on! I drank ketchup, I bought an ostrich.
I did everything you told me to.
Help me out this one time.
The answer is no.
That's it! You're not magic.
You're just a mean meatball.
Oh! I'm sorry.
I was just arguing with my meatball.
Marvin, get back in your room.
Is that an ostrich? Yeah.
He's friendly-- when he's not biting my pants.
I see.
Well, about your sculpture-- mm-hmm.
I think we should-- wait! Mr.
Feldon, come on.
I know it seems--Aargh! Hey, will you drive us somewhere? Sure.
Where? Shelby, Idaho.
Mm, okay.
Marvin, I'm going to Idaho.
Stay off of the Internet.
Hello! We're here.
It's Carly, Sam and Freddie.
Okay.
This is the coolest treehouse in the universe.
Yeah.
It's nicer than where I live.
Whoa! Check out this editing setup.
Don't touch it.
Hey! Hi! You're here.
Hey! Hey! How cool is this treehouse! You know when I was a kid, I wanted to build one like this, but dad always said they--aah! I'll wait down here.
Who was that? Skip it.
Yeah.
Look, Freddie is really sorry that he hurt your feelings.
Yeah, I'd like to hear that from the guy in the Bumblebee shirt.
Hello! I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings.
I didn't mean to.
Okay.
I forgive you.
You do? Nope.
What? Say you think my videos are funny.
No.
Come on.
Freddie! We're in a treehouse in Idaho, just say it.
Why should I say it? Let me talk to the boy.
Sam.
Can I use this? Please.
Sam, no.
Get away from me.
Aw! Ooh, not that! Ooh, ow! Oh, good gravy! Oh! Oh, no! Your videos are hilarious.
Aagh! I don't know what I was thinking when I said I didn't get him.
What's not to get? Aagh! You're a comedy wizard.
Well? Are we cool? He's chuckling.
I see him chuckling.
Why are you chuckling? 'Cause you guys are cute.
We're cute? Yeah.
I was never mad.
I love iCarly.
But you said that Freddie hurt your feelings.
And that's why you stopped making your Fred videos.
Come on.
I'm not gonna stop making the Fred videos.
Okay.
I get it.
The real problem here is that you're insane am I? Uh, pretty much, yeah.
Kind of psycho.
Yep.
Guys, since this war between iCarly and me started, do you realize my Fred videos have gotten like 10 times more popular than they already were? So you did all this for publicity? Totally.
Just to make your Fred videos more popular? Not just the Fred videos, iCarly too.
What are you talking-- when was the last time that you guys checked your website ratings? Uh, I don't know, like a few weeks ago.
Well, check them now.
See? Web traffic to iCarly.
Com is higher than it's ever been.
People love a good fight.
Ooh, that's terrible.
I mean, it was brilliant in a terrible way.
It was terribly brilliant, okay? Hey, there's something huge down there trying to kill me.
Aah! It's either a large dog or a small bear.
Aah! That's my dog Tibbals.
Tibbals has my foot.
Aah! Will you guys go make sure he's okay? I'm not going down.
Come on.
Ow, ow! I'm coming.
Aah! Oh! Ow! You know, you could have at least told us what you were doing.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
So are we friends? I guess.
You sure? Sure.
Should we kiss? No.
In 5, 4, 3, 2-- me llamo Carly! Me llamo Sam! And this is iCarly.
The only show on the Internet that fights global warming-- --and prevents pimples.
Now, a lot of you guys have been following the fight that's been going on between us and Fred.
Yeah, well, guess what.
The fight is over! Over.
Yeah, baby.
And to prove it-- --say hello to our new best friend-- --the genius behind Fred.
Yeah! Yeah! Whoo! Okay, Freddie, switch to the b-cam.
Come out here and show the love.
Switching to b-cam.
See, we made up.
We're all good.
Oh, come on, you guys can do better than that.
Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! All right, all right.
Okay, just to prove that we're all buds now-- --check out this brand-new video.
Watch it.
Do it.
Playback.
Hey, it's Fred.
Look at my cabbage.
Why can't it speak Spanish? Muchacho.
My stomach feels queasy.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Have you seen my cabbage? Oh, my gosh, a person.
Why did Fred flee? People scare me.
Aah.
This ostrich thinks I'm a lady.
I wanna go to cranberry parade.
I buried Paul.
More people.
Aah! I'm eating chips with trans-fats.
Oh, my God, I'm so happy.
I'm hiding under a Toyota.
It's a sports utility vehicle.
The cabbage.
Aah! Me and the ostrich are getting married.
Aah! We're wearing matching ties.
I'm running.
Who invented marshmallows? What's wrong with David Schwimmer? I like to sniff cheese.
Cheese! My mother ate my turtle.
My bathroom is purple.
How do you like me now, junior? Is Kevin still better than me? I'm pretty sure I'm way better than Kevin now.
Who wants to swim in my pool? Swimming! Swimming! Swimming! Swimming! Ah! I'm not gonna take off my shirt.
No! I'm swimming.
I bet you Kevin's so jealous right now.
Jealous.
What if these noodles are Kevin's intestines? That'd make me so happy.
My friends are here.
We're swimming with noodles.
My shorts are too tight.
It's like a community bath.
Cabbages cabbages.
Cabbages.
Aaaaaaaah! This pool is so tiny.
Bye!