Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s02e10 Episode Script
Eid's a Wonderful Life
Have you seen the Hutchinson's Christmas display? You know those cheap plastic reindeer's aren't cheap.
Darling, how long have you been Muslim? You spent more Christmases missing Christmas than you have actual Christmases.
Well, I just miss it.
The sleigh ride, the wassailing, the figgy pudding Did you really do those things? Or are you just remembering song lyrics? Oh, I remembered I liked it anyway.
Eid al-Adha's coming up.
That's fun.
Big Muslim festival, we all have dinner.
- Big deal, I eat dinner everyday.
- Yeah, but this is dinner at the mosque.
That doesn't exactly fun it up, sweetie.
Well, Eid falls so close to Christmas this year.
Maybe we could put up a few extra decorations.
Add some holiday spirit.
Decorations are bad.
There's nothing un-Islamic about decorations.
I know, I just hate putting them up.
Well, do you think Fatima would let us? - She's pretty protective about Eid dinner.
- Dinner? We'll be fine.
Good idea, honey.
This is going to be the best Eid ever.
You know what? I am going to whip up a batch of figgy pudding.
Do we have any stale bread in the house? I am already nostalgic for when she is nostalgic.
- Season 2 Episode 10 - Eid You know, dad, I want to tell you something, and I don't want you to get mad.
Why you always assume I'm going to get mad when you tell me things? There's been a precedent.
Anyway, there is a show at our school, and they picked me to do dramatic reading.
Layla, I'm so proud of you.
What are you reading from? Oh, some old book by Charles Dickens.
It's a something Carol? Astaghfirullah, A "Christmas Carol"? I ask Allah's forgiveness, A "Christmas Carol"? You know, could be.
I mean it's a Christmas show so that'd makes sense.
- Well, bye.
- Layla.
You are a Muslim.
There's no Muslim in the Christmas Carol.
Are you sure? I mean I think there might be a couple of crowd scenes? Enough.
I am putting a stop to this.
I'm supposed to back up, because my dad won't let me, what can be more embarrassing? I am coming to your school to talk to your principal.
And it just got more embarrassing.
By the way, Amaar, I was looking at your calendar, - and I notice a problem.
- Yeah.
Wuesday.
It's a - typo.
I know.
- No.
Not that.
It's your Eid dinner.
It's on the same night as the Anglican choir Christmas time Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along.
Ha ha hah.
A What? It's very popular.
There won't be enough parking.
We're in the middle of the prairie.
It's all parking.
You tried hobbling down an unpaved street with a bad hip in -20C wind chilled.
Look, I don't see the problem.
The lot is 30 spaces, and my people won't take more than 20.
Amaar, I may not get the turnout I used to get, but I can pack them in for the holidays.
You just have to reschedule your - thingy.
- Look, it's not a thingy.
It's Eid al-Adha.
Islamic festival of sacrifices.
It's a tradition that stretches over 1000 years.
Well, can you change it? It's on the same night as Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along.
No.
I don't want to disparage your Sing-Along-Dingle-Fest.
Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along.
How many times do I have to say it.
- We're not moving Eid.
- Well, I don't want to disparage Eid, but it's our parking lot.
You don't mess with Christmas! - Oh yeah? You don't fuss with Eid.
- Fuss? Alright, that wasn't very good.
But I am not backing down.
Grrrr So, mum and I were thinking.
To make this year's Eid dinner a little more fun, - may be we have some decorations.
- But we always have decorations.
Oh, look.
A chain of hoops, made with gold construction paper.
Correction.
Two chains of hoops, made from gold construction paper.
Oh.
Pretty.
Well, we were thinking this year may be we can do more some garland and tinsel and strings of lights.
But what about my hoops? Oh yes.
The hoops, - the hoops are integral - Oh yeah.
The hoops give us a link between - the old and the better.
- The new.
- The hoops are good.
- Yeah.
Mr Bomen, I am not comfortable with my daughter being in a Christmas show.
Well, it's a "holiday show".
And all faiths are welcome.
So, I suppose you'll let her be in a show telling the story of Islamic festival of Eid? Oh! That would be wonderful.
Would you do that? No! - And I could appear in it with her.
- Oh, even better.
Oh no.
This isn't happening.
- Mr Bomen, is it happening? - Mr Siddiqui, welcome to the show.
What am I supposed to do now? Tell everyone to walk to Eid dinner? Here's what I can do to help.
I'll stay at home.
- Huh? - One less car to park.
You don't want to come to Eid? It's not that I don't want to come to Eid.
It's that I don't want to come.
Are you going to Sing-A-Rama-I-Am-A-Ding-Dong? No! I'm trying to avoid - Boutros.
- Boutros? Yes, he's another contractor in town.
He only comes to mosque for Eid Every year he corners me and talks my ear off.
- Does he drive a car? - Yes.
I don't like him either.
Look.
If you want to get somewhere with Magee, you have to find a way to get on his good side.
- You think? - You catch more flies with honey, than you do with vinegar.
Uh.
Now I just have to figure out what's honey to Magee.
I think I know.
Oh.
Honey! Gee thanks, Amaar.
You know, I think I I think I might have been a little hasty with the parking lot, we - we can split it.
- That's very big of you.
- We can spare five spots.
- Five, what good is that going to do us? I didn't say split it down the middle.
Take it or leave it.
Oh, I see, your way or the high way.
I wouldn't recommend parking on the highway.
Why don't we just throw it open? First come first served? Uh.
First Eid, year 600.
First Christmas, year one.
First come first served.
Ah.
- So, excited about the show? - I am mortified.
I sense excitement.
We have to work on your acting.
- Dad - Hear me out.
It is just a short play.
Telling the story of Eid.
When Allah asked the prophet Ibraham, peace be upon him, to sacrifice his only son.
Huh? Poor kid.
Was his dad going to do it in front of the entire school? Be serious.
I wrote the script.
So what? I play prophet Ibraham and you're Allah? Of course not.
Islamic law forbids the direct portrayal of Allah and the prophets.
Oh well.
Back to Charles Dickens.
Nonsense.
We will play people who claimed to have heard, what Allah and the prophet Ibraham have said.
Huh huh.
Can you play someone who claimed to have heard what my character said, so I don't have to be in it? Christian really have to buy all these stuff? Thank god we're Muslim.
- We should get spray-on snow.
- But mum, there will be real snow.
- I know, but this is pink.
- OK.
Good point.
Hey, why do I know this? Ah, that's slappy the elf with the eye patch.
It's one of these TV special they show every year.
I used to let you watch when you were a kid.
- Can I get it? - Sure.
Now.
Do we want the lights that light up sequentially, or the ones that light up in sequence? - Um, I don't really know - You're right, let's get both.
OK.
OK, OK, you know, that's enough.
- Well - That's enough.
And one of these.
Don't be nervous.
It is just a rehearsal.
Not nervous, still mortified.
Now, it is important that the audience know you're not playing a prophet.
So, hmm hmm.
You will be playing a character called "not a prophet".
Now, let's break our legs.
I just heard from a town merchant, who overheard, that Ibrahim, has been asked by Allah, to sacrifice his son, Ismail.
That is the most astounding thing I've heard indirectly, through the word of mouth disseminated by ordinary towns people, all day.
Wake up, Felger! I need to talk to the principal, dad.
Shhh.
Don't call me dad.
I like to stay in character.
Mr Bomen, what do you think so far? It's a little like Star Wars, isn't it.
That you don't get to see Darth Vader.
- Any suggestions? - Yeah, I'll keep it short.
Ah.
This is so great.
Reminds me of Christmas when I was a little girl.
Are we double booked? Is there a Christmas party in here? No.
These are Eid decorations.
You said: They would be tasteful.
I don't remember saying tasteful.
What about my rings? My cardboard rings? Oh.
The rings felt a little over the top.
Well, there's too much clutter.
With this snowman here there's no room for the buffet table.
Do we really need a buffet table? May be you could just stay in the kitchen and spoon it up from there? That's it.
I quit! You can't quit.
- Who's going to cook? - Yeah! That's your problem.
I will have my own dinner at my cafe, and you can have yours here, in "Christmas town".
The fighting reminds me of Christmas when I was a little girl too.
I can't believe Magee is taking such a hard line on this parking thing.
- He's being a real - Hard line Charlie? Sure.
Who'd have thought, bringing Muslims and Christians together can lead to conflict.
Well, it does bring up the worst in people.
- Christmas? - Parking.
Well, at least I know when I get there, the food will be great.
How is the food coming along? Oh! You should see the decorations that mum and I bought.
- Really fun.
- What about the food? We bought these lights.
They light up sequentially, - in sequence - What about the food? - And these candles, when you light them, - Turned into food? I'm working on the food.
OK? I thought Fatima was working on the food? I am.
For my Eid dinner at my cafe.
This dinner is having at the cafe! That's great.
There's lots of parking here.
Except no one is going to her dinner, because they are coming to ours.
There's two dinners? Well.
No one is going to your dinner, when they find out I am serving - Fresh lamb.
- Why are they two dinners? Oh yeah? Well, we are serving our famous "turkey chili".
- Pfft.
You have a famous "turkey chili"? - Ho Ho.
We will.
Hey! Can someone please tell me why we're having two dinners? Wow! That's a lot of lamb.
That's a big order.
Thank you for your business.
- You're welcome.
- I can't do it.
- What!? - My suppliers are down for the holidays.
All I need is 55 lbs of lamb! When you need 55 lbs, you don't need lamb.
You need a lamb.
Talk to a farmer.
Bah Sure hate to see little Dolores go.
Please! Don't tell me it's name.
Come back later.
I've have it butchered for ya.
Wait! It has to be Halal.
What's Halal? The animal must be killed according to the precise rules as set down by Islamic law.
- First, you must - Yeah, wait wait That, that sounds too difficult.
I'm not going to do that.
Never mind.
I will do it.
Fine.
I'll get the axe.
Wait! I must do it after sundown.
Your religion's got a lot of rules.
No.
I just don't want to do it right now.
Can you make it stop looking at me? No.
- What's in the bag? - Props.
And huh hoo.
Here is your costume.
Um.
You know.
I was thinking, dad.
I found another passage in that Dickens book, one that works for all religions.
You'll like it.
You have the pre-show jitters.
Your "not a prophet" will steal the show.
Huh huh.
Pull it down.
I can't see your face.
That's the general idea.
And now, there's two Eid dinners.
Well, well, well.
I like it.
Um, how's your parking problem? Terrible.
Haven't got anywhere with Magee.
- You tried demanding? - Yep.
You tried gifts.
You only have one option left.
- Begging.
- Begging? You have to completely lowered yourself.
The most pitiful level of humiliation.
He has to be disgusted to look at you.
Take it from me, I'm a contractor.
It works great.
Well I can beg.
Come on.
- Stop being such a big jerk! - Your begging needs work.
Amaar, I'm begging you.
- Please stop pestering me.
- You see, that's more like it.
Look.
Our lot is our lot.
We all have our lot in life.
And your lot is to not have a lot.
It's a lot to take in.
What am I supposed to do? Hire a valet to park cars all night? I'll do it.
- You'll be stuck outside.
- Exactly.
0% chance of Boutros.
I like it.
Who's Boutros? Yes.
Ooh.
Hello Fatima.
Sarah, buying the ingredients to your supposedly famous turkey chili? Yes.
And it's going to be delicious.
I'm sure it will be.
Made with turkey.
The driest of the chili meat.
Well, we're going to spice it up.
That generic hot sauce is a step in the right direction.
Woah.
What about your lamb? I assume it will be as fresh as promised? - It will be.
- Well, it's very cute.
Thank you.
- Bah.
- Let's go, Delores.
Ah.
Layla.
We have to juggle the order of some of the acts.
So we moved your skit to the end.
We're closing the show? Yeah.
Make sure you have lots of energy, because you are following them.
Astaghfirullah! Huh? Thanks so much for doing all these fun stuff with me this year, sweetie.
I, I feel just like a kid at Eid.
Aw, you're welcome, mum.
OK.
Ready for a few hot peppers? A few? Any pepper called a Scotch Bonnet can't be that hot.
Yeah.
OK.
Oh, speaking of hot All the better to valet in, my darling.
The mosque was in need, I answered the call.
You're just doing this to avoid that guy Boutros.
You insult my sacred offers.
Right.
I'm off to park other people's cars.
Hmm.
Hot but not too over - Oh! Oh mum, mum! Mum! - More paprika? Ambulance! Excuse me, Mrs Fatima.
We want to play with your lamb.
I'm sorry children.
Delores is gone.
Was it difficult? Very.
- Eid Mubarak.
- Happy Eid.
Hah.
- Eid Mubarak, brother Baber.
- Eid Mubarak, brother Yasir.
You're parking cars? Well, just doing my bit.
Between you and me, it's quite clever what I'm doing.
I'm avoiding this man, Boutros.
If I stay out here all night, I won't see him.
Except when you have to park his car.
I owe you one.
I can't do this.
I have to go to my daughter's play.
- Just until Boutros is safely inside.
- Ugh! - How's your mouth? - Not good.
Who'd have thought that Scotch peppers to be the world hottest? When do we tell them the food is ruined? Let them enjoyed the decorations.
When people insist on eating at Eid dinner, then we'll go to Fatima's.
Rayyan, Sarah.
I'm here to apologize.
Where is the chili? No, no.
We want to apologize to you.
We want to go have lamb.
There is no lamb.
Long story.
- No lamb? - So we have chili! No chili.
Long story.
There is NO FOOD? I have gum in my purse.
- Baber, you're doing this? - Where is Yasir? He said he would be right back.
Honey, we have a little problem with the food.
Darling, have you met Boutros? Eid Mubarak.
I was just telling Yasir about this opportunity I have, to make a great deal of money, in a very short period of time.
- Oh! - Have you met my wife? Lovely decorations.
They remind me of my childhood.
Would you excuse us? Thanks for saving me, darling.
They are insufferable couple.
I can wait no longer.
I still have to get my bags of props.
Well, who's going to valet? You don't need a valet.
The church lot is empty.
Empty? What happened to Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along? Hey, you said it right! - Law of averages.
- Ha ha.
So, what happened? Ah.
I did the same thing in '98.
Scheduled it opposite Slappy the elf with the eye-patch.
- It's a good holiday special.
- Yeah.
Well, you want to come over our place, have some food? Thanks.
By the way, the honey you gave me was terrible.
You dad is running a little late.
Is there any version of this you can do alone? Yeah.
Can you turn off the smoke machine? Who knows.
You got to be 16 to drive a car.
But the smoke machine is completely unregulated.
Are you still here? Hmm.
Smells like - nothing! - There is no food! Oh.
I see.
It's an Islamic thing.
Where you celebrate sacrifice by having a dinner without any food.
- It's beautiful.
- No.
We were supposed to have food.
We just screwed up.
I was going to say it sounds stupid.
Why is there no food? You want food!? Well, I have Joan and Alice packing up the food from Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along right now.
- What's Ring-Ding - Don don don't.
Peace Train Cat Stevens Now I have been happy lately, Thinking about the good things to come.
And I believe it could be, Something good has begun.
Oh I have been smiling lately, Dreaming about the world as one.
And I believe it could be, Some day it's going to come.
Cause out on the edge of darkness, There rides a peace train.
Oh peace train take this country, Come take me home again.
A kind, forgiving, charitable season.
The only time in the long calender of the year.
When men and women seem by one consent, to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave.
And not another race of creatures abound on other journeys.
And so I say, God bless it.
Thank you, Layla.
It's lovely.
Oh, you are here! Everyone, we have time for one final guest before it ends.
It's Santa! - I'm sorry, mum.
- What do you mean? Well, this whole thing was kind of a disaster.
Oh.
It was a nice disaster.
meals are disasters.
You replicated the experience perfectly.
- Really? - What do you think, honey? I'm Boutros.
I'm sorry, I doubted you.
Your reading, it stole the show.
It was the only part of the show you saw.
Trust me, I know.
Layla, you must do your reading for everyone here.
Who's Layla? I'm "not a prophet".
Ah hem.
A shopkeeper in the village overheard prophet Ibrahim.
My hairdresser claimed he heard, that someone has been told, that the prophet Ibrahim, peace be upon him, has received a vision from Allah! Subtitle by: Kiasu
Darling, how long have you been Muslim? You spent more Christmases missing Christmas than you have actual Christmases.
Well, I just miss it.
The sleigh ride, the wassailing, the figgy pudding Did you really do those things? Or are you just remembering song lyrics? Oh, I remembered I liked it anyway.
Eid al-Adha's coming up.
That's fun.
Big Muslim festival, we all have dinner.
- Big deal, I eat dinner everyday.
- Yeah, but this is dinner at the mosque.
That doesn't exactly fun it up, sweetie.
Well, Eid falls so close to Christmas this year.
Maybe we could put up a few extra decorations.
Add some holiday spirit.
Decorations are bad.
There's nothing un-Islamic about decorations.
I know, I just hate putting them up.
Well, do you think Fatima would let us? - She's pretty protective about Eid dinner.
- Dinner? We'll be fine.
Good idea, honey.
This is going to be the best Eid ever.
You know what? I am going to whip up a batch of figgy pudding.
Do we have any stale bread in the house? I am already nostalgic for when she is nostalgic.
- Season 2 Episode 10 - Eid You know, dad, I want to tell you something, and I don't want you to get mad.
Why you always assume I'm going to get mad when you tell me things? There's been a precedent.
Anyway, there is a show at our school, and they picked me to do dramatic reading.
Layla, I'm so proud of you.
What are you reading from? Oh, some old book by Charles Dickens.
It's a something Carol? Astaghfirullah, A "Christmas Carol"? I ask Allah's forgiveness, A "Christmas Carol"? You know, could be.
I mean it's a Christmas show so that'd makes sense.
- Well, bye.
- Layla.
You are a Muslim.
There's no Muslim in the Christmas Carol.
Are you sure? I mean I think there might be a couple of crowd scenes? Enough.
I am putting a stop to this.
I'm supposed to back up, because my dad won't let me, what can be more embarrassing? I am coming to your school to talk to your principal.
And it just got more embarrassing.
By the way, Amaar, I was looking at your calendar, - and I notice a problem.
- Yeah.
Wuesday.
It's a - typo.
I know.
- No.
Not that.
It's your Eid dinner.
It's on the same night as the Anglican choir Christmas time Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along.
Ha ha hah.
A What? It's very popular.
There won't be enough parking.
We're in the middle of the prairie.
It's all parking.
You tried hobbling down an unpaved street with a bad hip in -20C wind chilled.
Look, I don't see the problem.
The lot is 30 spaces, and my people won't take more than 20.
Amaar, I may not get the turnout I used to get, but I can pack them in for the holidays.
You just have to reschedule your - thingy.
- Look, it's not a thingy.
It's Eid al-Adha.
Islamic festival of sacrifices.
It's a tradition that stretches over 1000 years.
Well, can you change it? It's on the same night as Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along.
No.
I don't want to disparage your Sing-Along-Dingle-Fest.
Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along.
How many times do I have to say it.
- We're not moving Eid.
- Well, I don't want to disparage Eid, but it's our parking lot.
You don't mess with Christmas! - Oh yeah? You don't fuss with Eid.
- Fuss? Alright, that wasn't very good.
But I am not backing down.
Grrrr So, mum and I were thinking.
To make this year's Eid dinner a little more fun, - may be we have some decorations.
- But we always have decorations.
Oh, look.
A chain of hoops, made with gold construction paper.
Correction.
Two chains of hoops, made from gold construction paper.
Oh.
Pretty.
Well, we were thinking this year may be we can do more some garland and tinsel and strings of lights.
But what about my hoops? Oh yes.
The hoops, - the hoops are integral - Oh yeah.
The hoops give us a link between - the old and the better.
- The new.
- The hoops are good.
- Yeah.
Mr Bomen, I am not comfortable with my daughter being in a Christmas show.
Well, it's a "holiday show".
And all faiths are welcome.
So, I suppose you'll let her be in a show telling the story of Islamic festival of Eid? Oh! That would be wonderful.
Would you do that? No! - And I could appear in it with her.
- Oh, even better.
Oh no.
This isn't happening.
- Mr Bomen, is it happening? - Mr Siddiqui, welcome to the show.
What am I supposed to do now? Tell everyone to walk to Eid dinner? Here's what I can do to help.
I'll stay at home.
- Huh? - One less car to park.
You don't want to come to Eid? It's not that I don't want to come to Eid.
It's that I don't want to come.
Are you going to Sing-A-Rama-I-Am-A-Ding-Dong? No! I'm trying to avoid - Boutros.
- Boutros? Yes, he's another contractor in town.
He only comes to mosque for Eid Every year he corners me and talks my ear off.
- Does he drive a car? - Yes.
I don't like him either.
Look.
If you want to get somewhere with Magee, you have to find a way to get on his good side.
- You think? - You catch more flies with honey, than you do with vinegar.
Uh.
Now I just have to figure out what's honey to Magee.
I think I know.
Oh.
Honey! Gee thanks, Amaar.
You know, I think I I think I might have been a little hasty with the parking lot, we - we can split it.
- That's very big of you.
- We can spare five spots.
- Five, what good is that going to do us? I didn't say split it down the middle.
Take it or leave it.
Oh, I see, your way or the high way.
I wouldn't recommend parking on the highway.
Why don't we just throw it open? First come first served? Uh.
First Eid, year 600.
First Christmas, year one.
First come first served.
Ah.
- So, excited about the show? - I am mortified.
I sense excitement.
We have to work on your acting.
- Dad - Hear me out.
It is just a short play.
Telling the story of Eid.
When Allah asked the prophet Ibraham, peace be upon him, to sacrifice his only son.
Huh? Poor kid.
Was his dad going to do it in front of the entire school? Be serious.
I wrote the script.
So what? I play prophet Ibraham and you're Allah? Of course not.
Islamic law forbids the direct portrayal of Allah and the prophets.
Oh well.
Back to Charles Dickens.
Nonsense.
We will play people who claimed to have heard, what Allah and the prophet Ibraham have said.
Huh huh.
Can you play someone who claimed to have heard what my character said, so I don't have to be in it? Christian really have to buy all these stuff? Thank god we're Muslim.
- We should get spray-on snow.
- But mum, there will be real snow.
- I know, but this is pink.
- OK.
Good point.
Hey, why do I know this? Ah, that's slappy the elf with the eye patch.
It's one of these TV special they show every year.
I used to let you watch when you were a kid.
- Can I get it? - Sure.
Now.
Do we want the lights that light up sequentially, or the ones that light up in sequence? - Um, I don't really know - You're right, let's get both.
OK.
OK, OK, you know, that's enough.
- Well - That's enough.
And one of these.
Don't be nervous.
It is just a rehearsal.
Not nervous, still mortified.
Now, it is important that the audience know you're not playing a prophet.
So, hmm hmm.
You will be playing a character called "not a prophet".
Now, let's break our legs.
I just heard from a town merchant, who overheard, that Ibrahim, has been asked by Allah, to sacrifice his son, Ismail.
That is the most astounding thing I've heard indirectly, through the word of mouth disseminated by ordinary towns people, all day.
Wake up, Felger! I need to talk to the principal, dad.
Shhh.
Don't call me dad.
I like to stay in character.
Mr Bomen, what do you think so far? It's a little like Star Wars, isn't it.
That you don't get to see Darth Vader.
- Any suggestions? - Yeah, I'll keep it short.
Ah.
This is so great.
Reminds me of Christmas when I was a little girl.
Are we double booked? Is there a Christmas party in here? No.
These are Eid decorations.
You said: They would be tasteful.
I don't remember saying tasteful.
What about my rings? My cardboard rings? Oh.
The rings felt a little over the top.
Well, there's too much clutter.
With this snowman here there's no room for the buffet table.
Do we really need a buffet table? May be you could just stay in the kitchen and spoon it up from there? That's it.
I quit! You can't quit.
- Who's going to cook? - Yeah! That's your problem.
I will have my own dinner at my cafe, and you can have yours here, in "Christmas town".
The fighting reminds me of Christmas when I was a little girl too.
I can't believe Magee is taking such a hard line on this parking thing.
- He's being a real - Hard line Charlie? Sure.
Who'd have thought, bringing Muslims and Christians together can lead to conflict.
Well, it does bring up the worst in people.
- Christmas? - Parking.
Well, at least I know when I get there, the food will be great.
How is the food coming along? Oh! You should see the decorations that mum and I bought.
- Really fun.
- What about the food? We bought these lights.
They light up sequentially, - in sequence - What about the food? - And these candles, when you light them, - Turned into food? I'm working on the food.
OK? I thought Fatima was working on the food? I am.
For my Eid dinner at my cafe.
This dinner is having at the cafe! That's great.
There's lots of parking here.
Except no one is going to her dinner, because they are coming to ours.
There's two dinners? Well.
No one is going to your dinner, when they find out I am serving - Fresh lamb.
- Why are they two dinners? Oh yeah? Well, we are serving our famous "turkey chili".
- Pfft.
You have a famous "turkey chili"? - Ho Ho.
We will.
Hey! Can someone please tell me why we're having two dinners? Wow! That's a lot of lamb.
That's a big order.
Thank you for your business.
- You're welcome.
- I can't do it.
- What!? - My suppliers are down for the holidays.
All I need is 55 lbs of lamb! When you need 55 lbs, you don't need lamb.
You need a lamb.
Talk to a farmer.
Bah Sure hate to see little Dolores go.
Please! Don't tell me it's name.
Come back later.
I've have it butchered for ya.
Wait! It has to be Halal.
What's Halal? The animal must be killed according to the precise rules as set down by Islamic law.
- First, you must - Yeah, wait wait That, that sounds too difficult.
I'm not going to do that.
Never mind.
I will do it.
Fine.
I'll get the axe.
Wait! I must do it after sundown.
Your religion's got a lot of rules.
No.
I just don't want to do it right now.
Can you make it stop looking at me? No.
- What's in the bag? - Props.
And huh hoo.
Here is your costume.
Um.
You know.
I was thinking, dad.
I found another passage in that Dickens book, one that works for all religions.
You'll like it.
You have the pre-show jitters.
Your "not a prophet" will steal the show.
Huh huh.
Pull it down.
I can't see your face.
That's the general idea.
And now, there's two Eid dinners.
Well, well, well.
I like it.
Um, how's your parking problem? Terrible.
Haven't got anywhere with Magee.
- You tried demanding? - Yep.
You tried gifts.
You only have one option left.
- Begging.
- Begging? You have to completely lowered yourself.
The most pitiful level of humiliation.
He has to be disgusted to look at you.
Take it from me, I'm a contractor.
It works great.
Well I can beg.
Come on.
- Stop being such a big jerk! - Your begging needs work.
Amaar, I'm begging you.
- Please stop pestering me.
- You see, that's more like it.
Look.
Our lot is our lot.
We all have our lot in life.
And your lot is to not have a lot.
It's a lot to take in.
What am I supposed to do? Hire a valet to park cars all night? I'll do it.
- You'll be stuck outside.
- Exactly.
0% chance of Boutros.
I like it.
Who's Boutros? Yes.
Ooh.
Hello Fatima.
Sarah, buying the ingredients to your supposedly famous turkey chili? Yes.
And it's going to be delicious.
I'm sure it will be.
Made with turkey.
The driest of the chili meat.
Well, we're going to spice it up.
That generic hot sauce is a step in the right direction.
Woah.
What about your lamb? I assume it will be as fresh as promised? - It will be.
- Well, it's very cute.
Thank you.
- Bah.
- Let's go, Delores.
Ah.
Layla.
We have to juggle the order of some of the acts.
So we moved your skit to the end.
We're closing the show? Yeah.
Make sure you have lots of energy, because you are following them.
Astaghfirullah! Huh? Thanks so much for doing all these fun stuff with me this year, sweetie.
I, I feel just like a kid at Eid.
Aw, you're welcome, mum.
OK.
Ready for a few hot peppers? A few? Any pepper called a Scotch Bonnet can't be that hot.
Yeah.
OK.
Oh, speaking of hot All the better to valet in, my darling.
The mosque was in need, I answered the call.
You're just doing this to avoid that guy Boutros.
You insult my sacred offers.
Right.
I'm off to park other people's cars.
Hmm.
Hot but not too over - Oh! Oh mum, mum! Mum! - More paprika? Ambulance! Excuse me, Mrs Fatima.
We want to play with your lamb.
I'm sorry children.
Delores is gone.
Was it difficult? Very.
- Eid Mubarak.
- Happy Eid.
Hah.
- Eid Mubarak, brother Baber.
- Eid Mubarak, brother Yasir.
You're parking cars? Well, just doing my bit.
Between you and me, it's quite clever what I'm doing.
I'm avoiding this man, Boutros.
If I stay out here all night, I won't see him.
Except when you have to park his car.
I owe you one.
I can't do this.
I have to go to my daughter's play.
- Just until Boutros is safely inside.
- Ugh! - How's your mouth? - Not good.
Who'd have thought that Scotch peppers to be the world hottest? When do we tell them the food is ruined? Let them enjoyed the decorations.
When people insist on eating at Eid dinner, then we'll go to Fatima's.
Rayyan, Sarah.
I'm here to apologize.
Where is the chili? No, no.
We want to apologize to you.
We want to go have lamb.
There is no lamb.
Long story.
- No lamb? - So we have chili! No chili.
Long story.
There is NO FOOD? I have gum in my purse.
- Baber, you're doing this? - Where is Yasir? He said he would be right back.
Honey, we have a little problem with the food.
Darling, have you met Boutros? Eid Mubarak.
I was just telling Yasir about this opportunity I have, to make a great deal of money, in a very short period of time.
- Oh! - Have you met my wife? Lovely decorations.
They remind me of my childhood.
Would you excuse us? Thanks for saving me, darling.
They are insufferable couple.
I can wait no longer.
I still have to get my bags of props.
Well, who's going to valet? You don't need a valet.
The church lot is empty.
Empty? What happened to Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along? Hey, you said it right! - Law of averages.
- Ha ha.
So, what happened? Ah.
I did the same thing in '98.
Scheduled it opposite Slappy the elf with the eye-patch.
- It's a good holiday special.
- Yeah.
Well, you want to come over our place, have some food? Thanks.
By the way, the honey you gave me was terrible.
You dad is running a little late.
Is there any version of this you can do alone? Yeah.
Can you turn off the smoke machine? Who knows.
You got to be 16 to drive a car.
But the smoke machine is completely unregulated.
Are you still here? Hmm.
Smells like - nothing! - There is no food! Oh.
I see.
It's an Islamic thing.
Where you celebrate sacrifice by having a dinner without any food.
- It's beautiful.
- No.
We were supposed to have food.
We just screwed up.
I was going to say it sounds stupid.
Why is there no food? You want food!? Well, I have Joan and Alice packing up the food from Ring-Ding-A-Sing-Along right now.
- What's Ring-Ding - Don don don't.
Peace Train Cat Stevens Now I have been happy lately, Thinking about the good things to come.
And I believe it could be, Something good has begun.
Oh I have been smiling lately, Dreaming about the world as one.
And I believe it could be, Some day it's going to come.
Cause out on the edge of darkness, There rides a peace train.
Oh peace train take this country, Come take me home again.
A kind, forgiving, charitable season.
The only time in the long calender of the year.
When men and women seem by one consent, to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave.
And not another race of creatures abound on other journeys.
And so I say, God bless it.
Thank you, Layla.
It's lovely.
Oh, you are here! Everyone, we have time for one final guest before it ends.
It's Santa! - I'm sorry, mum.
- What do you mean? Well, this whole thing was kind of a disaster.
Oh.
It was a nice disaster.
meals are disasters.
You replicated the experience perfectly.
- Really? - What do you think, honey? I'm Boutros.
I'm sorry, I doubted you.
Your reading, it stole the show.
It was the only part of the show you saw.
Trust me, I know.
Layla, you must do your reading for everyone here.
Who's Layla? I'm "not a prophet".
Ah hem.
A shopkeeper in the village overheard prophet Ibrahim.
My hairdresser claimed he heard, that someone has been told, that the prophet Ibrahim, peace be upon him, has received a vision from Allah! Subtitle by: Kiasu