Mighty Med (2013) s02e10 Episode Script

I can do this.
No you can't! Ahh.
Come on, man, don't let it get you down.
Just because you can't even do one chin-up doesn't make you any less of a man.
I know that.
And I do not need to prove my masculinity.
My abundant forest of armpit hair more than proves that.
Okay.
First of all, stop showing me that.
It's weird.
And secondly, everybody knows that it's fake.
Give that back.
It's expensive! I ordered it from the Philippines.
And I'm not concerned about looking manly.
Mr.
Payton told me I was on my way to getting a B in phys ed.
I've never gotten a B in my life.
Neither have I.
Because you get C's and D's.
And F's.
Don't forget F's.
This is impossible.
Nobody can climb a rope.
I knew I left my bell somewhere.
What are you doing? Just effortlessly lifting hundreds of pounds.
Who's manly now? Incognito.
He's doin' all the work.
Hey.
It's the alien superhero who can weave unbreakable spider webs! What's her name again? Arachnia.
But on her home planet some of the local newscasters call her Arrrrrrachnia.
Anyway, a villain tried to steal her eggs.
What?! That's insane! You don't steal eggs.
You borrow them from a neighbor, then you never pay them back, then it gets awkward and you hope that they move.
That's true.
I've had to move twice because of that.
But I'm talking about her embryonic eggs.
Arachnia's pregnant.
Her vital signs are dropping.
Ready the pre-natal ionic scanner! What the heck?! Arachnia must be too weak to carry her eggs, so the embryonic sac latched onto the nearest warm-blooded individual.
Someone get this thing off of me! I would, but then you'd look so much less funny.
Stop! You'll damage the eggs.
Plus, the egg sac has formed a mind-body link to your brain.
So if you try to remove it, the pain you'd feel would be excrrrrutiating.
I love rolling R's! I can't have an egg sac attached to me.
I look ridiculous! Speaking of looking ridiculous, you dropped your armpit toupees.
Also, I have a bunch of tests tomorrow.
How can I go to school with this attached to me? I'm sorry, Oliver, but there's no other choice.
You have to be the host for the next few days until the eggs hatch.
Wait.
So Oliver is basically gonna become a mother? Wow.
I did not think you could get any less manly.
Oliver, don't listen to Kaz.
You should feel proud to help a superhero with such a precious task.
And it suits you.
I mean, you're positively glowing.
Aww.
Ohhh.
Uncle Horace.
Are you okay? Yes, I just have a little something in my eye.
Tears.
Lots and lots of tears.
Because I'm crying.
Well, what's wrong? Well, for one thing, you caught me crying but also, Dr.
Bridges sent me an email this morning saying she wants to shut down Mighty Med forever.
What?! No, that's terrible! Did she give a reason? Is it because you broke up with her via text? No.
I would never break up with someone via text.
I'm a romantic.
I broke up with her via skywriting.
But that's not the reason.
I've heard rumors about plans to open a new superhero hospital in New York.
What?! You can't let Dr.
Bridges close Mighty Med! So many amazing things happen here.
Like the time the air vent got a piece of paper stuck in it and it made a whistling noise like this: Ooooohhhh Actually, I think it was a higher-pitched whistle, Eeeeeeee So, like this? Eeeeee Eeeeee Anyway Horace, you need to tell Dr.
Bridges to come to Mighty Med so she can see firsthand all the important work that we do here.
I wish I could, but she absolutely refuses to ever step foot in here again.
To be fair, the last time she was here she was almost eaten alive by a man-shark.
She was fine.
I said almost eaten alive!!! Wait.
What if we make a video that highlights all the great things about Mighty Med, and send it to Dr.
Bridges? That's a terrific idea.
A video would be a way to demonstrate how unique and important we are to the superhero world.
And I've always wanted to make a movie about me, produced by me, and starring me! Well, the two of you can also be in it to talk about me.
Well, can I tell the story about how I caught you crying? You're out of the movie! Oliver, come on, already.
Get it over with.
I don't want to.
Dude, you wanted to hide your condition, and I hid your condition.
Fine.
This is never going to work.
People are going to ask questions.
Yeah, like, "Why is that Santa Claus so mopey?" Ah-choo! Are you wearing your armpit toupees as your mustache? I paid a lot for these, and I intend to get my money's worth.
I don't want to go into school like this.
Isn't there any other way I can hide my stomach? Stop worrying.
No one will even notice you.
They're too concerned about themselves.
Oliver, why are you dressed like that? I can't believe we're wearing the same outfit! This is so embarrassing.
One of us is going to have to change.
Uh, well, I-I can't, because I know why.
Because you're expecting me to change! Well, it's not going to happen.
Stop it! Wait.
I think I figured it out.
Oliver, you're having alien babies will be the first line of the sci-fi novel I'm writing! O-kay.
Only seven more hours to go.
Here.
Use my phone to film the video for Dr.
Bridges.
And make sure to get my good side.
What side is that? My backside! Hello.
I'm Dr.
Horace Diaz, here to demonstrate some of the groundbreaking, cutting edge technology we use here at Mighty Med.
This is a giant shrinking ray.
And this is a tiny enlarging ray which we use to turn the tiny shrinking ray into the giant shrinking ray.
And what does this machine that regrows ears do? This machine regrows ears.
But it's still in the testing stage.
Hey, Dennis.
I don't know what you're so upset about.
I mean, now you're an ear, ear, ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor.
Why don't you tell us what this is? That's a countertop.
This.
What is this? This is an infrared scalpel.
It can slice cleanly and instantly through even the most impenetrable material in the universe the roast beef from the cafeteria.
Mmm.
And it's extremely safe.
In fact, there's a button on it that prevents it from accidentally firing.
I told you we should have rehearsed.
Stop filming! I'm so sorry that happened.
Can I make it up to you with a free ear? Ohh my back hurts, my feet hurt, and I've never been so hungry in my entire life.
I need a snack.
What? I'm eating for 400.
Ha.
Uhhh! That's the saddest thing I've ever seen.
Do it again! Who are you? I am Hunter! A notorious bounty hunter known throughout the seven galaxies! Well, our galaxy must not be one of them because I've never heard of you.
And you're a bounty hunter named Hunter? And my last name is Bounty! But that's none of your concern.
My tracking device has detected the egg sac of Arachnia.
Now, which one of you has it? Take a guess.
I've been waiting for years to get my hands on some arachnoid eggs.
On my planet, they'd be worth almost twelve million dollars.
How much is that on Earth? Almost twelve million dollars.
What don't you understand about dollars? Well, sorry.
You can't take these eggs.
And they're fused to me, so looks like you're out of luck.
Then I guess I'll have to twist your head off like a bottle cap and then take 'em! Okay, hold on a second.
So your name's Hunter Bounty? You better back off.
This store was owned by villains and most of these weapons are real! Okay, that one was wasn't real.
But this one is! Okay, that one wasn't real either.
But.
.
That one's definitely real.
And now for my prize.
Stop or I'll shoot is what I would say if I had my camera.
Beat it, kid.
Don't move! You're surrounded by beauty, if you open your eyes to it.
Arrgghh! You'll never get away with this! Is the last line of my novel.
Now all I need to do is write the middle and I got myself a book! I knew this video was a bad plan.
Now we're gonna get shut down and I'll have to get a real job, like celebrity or billionaire.
Oh, stop being so dramatic.
Yes, because you're terrible at it.
This is how you be dramatic.
I kneeew this video was a bad plaaan! You just gave me an idea.
Our first video was just boring information about Mighty Med.
We need to show this place in action! You know, make it more dramatic.
Like on that TV show "Dramatic Hospital.
" That's a brilliant idea.
A video that showcases the real heroes here.
I even have a snappy title for it.
The Place Where the People Who Save the People Who Save People, Save People.
" Or just "Mighty Med in Action.
" That's kind of a mouthful, but sure, okay.
Now, time to capture all the drama, emotion and action that unfolds here every day.
Well, every day except today.
Now what?! Uncle Horace, you said Dr.
Bridges needed that video by tonight.
Then we'll just have to stage the drama ourselves.
Splendid! I was very big in the theater scene back in the 1970s.
This'll give me a chance to showcase my acting chops! And my mutton chops.
Alan, you pretend to have irreparably injured your legs, and then I'll miraculously heal them, enabling you to walk again! But I can't act! My pain won't be believable.
Don't worry.
I'll help you out.
Ahhh! Ohh! My legs! I can't move! Now, through my amazing medical technique you are healed! Ooohhh! Ohh.
My good side! At least now you can hear people talking about you behind your back.
I tracked the eggs here, Oliver.
You can't hide from Hunter Bounty, bounty hunter! I can see your giant stomach stickin' out.
Maybe it's my hormones, but I find that very hurtful.
No! Keep your hands off my babies! Aaahhhh!!! Seems like the Hunter Bounty bounty hunter has become the Hunted Bounty bounty hunted.
Yeah, that lines up.
That was incredible.
How'd you do that? I just took his name and made it past tense, and then I No, I was talking about how'd you do all the moves? Oh, that? I have no idea.
You know what? I was wrong.
You are manly.
And all it took was you as a pregnant man doing beautiful acrobatic rope maneuvers to make me see that.
Thanks, Kaz.
And from one man to another, I think I'm going into labor.
Oh.
Are the ears removed yet? Because I do not like hearing myself go to the bathroom.
Oliver's about ready to hatch these eggs.
Let's boil some water, people! Why do we need boiling water? I thought we could make some ramen noodles or something.
I'm starving! The miracle of alien birth.
Skylar! Start filming.
This is the perfect way to showcase Mighty Med! Aaaah! I think something's happening! Here it comes! I thought I was gonna sneeze.
Never mind, we're good.
Aaah! It's hard to tell from in here.
Aaaah! Are you okay, buddy? Is it the contractions? No! You spilled hot ramen on me! This is the contractions.
Aaaaahhhh!!! You're almost there, Oliver.
Here come four hundred sweet little angels.
Now, where's the slop bucket?! Congratulations, my boy.
Well done! I know! I finally figured out how to do finger glasses! Not you, Alan.
Oliver! Arachnia! Looks like you're improving nicely.
Pretty soon you'll be strong enough to care for your babies yourself and take 'em back to your planet.
Wait.
Arachnia.
I know I have to give 'em up, but can't I just hold one or two hundred of them? Ohhh! Take 'em! Take 'em! So gross! So gross! Talk about a face only a mother could love.
I guess, but I mean, which part's the face? Wow.
The birth of those babies is exactly what our movie needed.
There's no way Dr.
Bridges will close down Mighty Med now! Especially when I add the dramatic score that I composed.
Ooohh Oooeee Ooooeee Anyway Oh.
Ugghh.
Another email from Dr.
Bridges.
More bad news? Heh.
It seems I may have misread Dr.
Bridges' earlier email.
She wasn't considering shutting down Mighty Med forever she was considering shutting it down for Easter.
Heh heh.
Ah funny mix-up, huh? I cannot believe he put us through all this, and now Are you talking about me behind my back?! Now I wish I hadn't had my butt ears removed! Yes!