People of Earth (2016) s02e10 Episode Script
Game Night
1 [WEAKLY.]
Trust Walsh.
He has the truth.
Eric wants to eliminate all you guys.
And he wants to go after everybody in StarCrossed.
JONATHAN: This is our way to defeat Eric.
We grab him when he's charging.
Ha ha ha ha! I got rid of the bee! I just found out I have a sister.
Oh, crap, I'm pregnant.
I just want to make sure that you're all coming to our Game Night.
ERIC: Take this, Gerry.
You will need this for when the 5s are two.
Do you understand your instructions, Gerry? There must be no survivors.
I understand.
Remember Don't let your emotional attachment to the group get in the way.
StarCrossed must be eliminated.
Anything for the mission.
We're a good team, Gerry.
You're very special to me.
You're like the son I always wanted.
Dad.
You're going to do a great job building the game, son.
And when you're finished, you'll feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
Now, when the 5s are two, what do you do? Activate.
It will be as easy as rolling the dice and Pushing the button.
- Hey, babe.
- Hi, sweetie.
So, I got everything that we need for Game Night.
- Chips for nachos? - Yes.
- Cheese? - Yep.
- Olives? - Gerry, this is not my first time making nachos.
I'm sorry.
I'm just so excited.
I feel such a sense of accomplishment and purpose because - We agreed to host our first party as a coup le - I finished my board game.
I'm also excited about our first party.
Great.
Now get excited about helping me with the groceries.
Yeah.
Did you get the jalapeños? Gerry, I swear to God! No.
Sorry.
I can't do it.
Babe, we talked about this.
We can't have StarCrossed over with all these traps and weapons around.
Now give me the ax.
[WHIMPERS.]
Okay, you're right.
Okay.
Now, is this everything? Mm-hmm.
[TRACY BRYANT'S "HEY SPACEMAN!" PLAYS.]
The opportunities come breaking in the room Only when I loosen my grip and forget all that I knew Hey, Spaceman, oh, I'd really like to know [SIGHS.]
Okay, be honest.
Does this outfit say "cool new sister" or "woman who's trying too hard to look chill", and it's not working"? Alex, relax.
Your sister's gonna be just as nervous as you are.
And that is why I've asked Margaret to help us with a little role-playing exercise today.
Yeah, I did a bit of guerilla theater back in the '70s.
That was really groovy stuff.
We broke the fourth wall.
We went nude over the audience.
But we're we're gonna wear clothes today.
Oh, yeah.
Not to worry about that, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Margaret, you'll be playing the sister.
- Okay.
- And, Alex, you'll be playing yourself.
- That's great.
- Okay.
Great.
Ooh! I'm really nervous.
Just stay in the moment and embrace your feelings, okay? - Okay.
- Margaret, enter.
I'm so happy to finally meet you, Alex, and I brought you a gift.
Wait I didn't bring her a gift.
Okay, this is good.
Stay in the moment.
Accept the gift, and then maybe say something like, "The real gift is finally getting to meet you.
" Ooh.
That's good.
I like that.
I'll remember that.
I should bring her a gift, though, right? I can't just show up empty-handed.
- Well - What does that say? "Hi.
I'm cheap, and I have no manners"? That's That sucks.
This is good You're identifying a fear, and now you're addressing that fear with giving the gift.
Really great work.
Proud of you.
All right, let's do another scenario.
Oh.
Okay.
So I-I am getting her a gift, though.
So remind me to do that.
Margaret, enter.
It's so nice to finally meet you, Alex.
I need money for drugs.
Stay in the moment.
You got this.
The real drug is finally getting to meet you.
Fantastic.
Great work.
Oh! - Really, really great work.
- Ohh! - All right.
Today's the day.
- Yeah.
No more oppression under Eric.
- It's "go" time.
- Okay.
I sense some nervousness in the supply closet.
Yeah, genius.
We're about to do a mutiny.
We could get executed for this.
Okay, let's stay positive.
Um, how about we focus on what we'll do after we've taken the ship back? That's a good idea.
I'm gonna go down to Earth, find other rogue Reptilians, like me who want to expose the alien agenda.
I think I'll take the ship and see if there's any Greys left.
Hey, Kurt, you wanna come with? Sure.
I want to get as far from this car-infested planet as possible.
- You know what I'm gonna do? - No.
- Not really.
- I do, Don.
Jonathan, thank you.
Uh, well, I'm going back to Earth to do some good Help the humans.
I already signed up for Habitat for Humanity.
They gave me a free t-shirt.
I'll miss you guys.
Whatever.
All right.
Good chat.
Let's go out there and have a great mutiny.
Yeah yes.
[BEE BUZZING.]
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS.]
Brown rice or Are there more? I can help if there's So, have you told Doug you're pregnant yet? You know, I can't even be sure if it's Doug's or if it's John's.
So what if it's not Doug's? And then he'll think that he left the church and and ruined his life for nothing.
And then I would have ruined the baby's life.
You know what? I'll suss him out.
I'll just ask a few subtle questions that'll reveal his true feelings about parenting a kid that's not biologically his.
- Oh, M-Margaret.
- No, no, no, no, it's okay.
I've done this a million times.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Okay, listen up.
This is "Experiencers: The Game," and it's what we're gonna play tonight.
GINA: Wow.
Gerry, this is very detailed.
Yeah.
Cool spaceship.
You built this yourself? - Yeah.
- Impressive.
Yeah, it's very impressive.
ERIC: You don't know how impressive.
GERRY: Okay, the rules are simple.
Let's pretend Richard rolls a 3.
1, 2, 3.
- You got abducted.
- Oh.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, my gosh! Don't laugh.
By a white! Ooh-ooh! Ooh! Whoa! Ooh! At least it's not a Reptilian.
GINA: No kidding.
Okay, but seriously, uh, now what? You're on the ship, and you have to roll two 5s to get off it.
- Okay.
- Okay, so the object of the game is to move your cube around Beacon without getting abducted? Yes.
And whoever gets abducted the least wins? No.
There are no winners.
Everyone's a winner.
- What's the point? - That makes no sense.
Come on, guys.
It's not about winning and losing.
It's about the experience.
- We can't win.
- That is really therapeutic, Gerry.
- No stakes.
- I love it.
Thank you, Gina.
You can go first.
Oh, great.
Yay.
A 5 and a 1.
Oh, not that it matters.
[HORNS HONKING IN DISTANCE.]
[SIGHS.]
Okay, you can do this.
You can do this.
You were born to be a sister.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my gosh.
We're twins? I can't believe it.
I know.
I honestly never thought this day would come.
Come in.
My whole life, Mom's been saying I have a twin, and now I know she's not a big ol' liar.
It's so exciting.
I cut my own hair.
Oh.
I Is that a gift for me? Uh, yeah.
It's a candle.
It's peach.
So I just light it and look at it? Yeah, it's a candle.
I got you a present, too.
I hope you like it.
Um What is it? It's our baby book.
Mom was abducted by aliens, and you were born on a spaceship.
Um what? Three, two, one [MOTORS POWERING DOWN.]
[ALARM BLARING.]
What's going on? I don't know.
I was gonna ask you.
Aah! Okay.
Sorry.
There we go.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
[SIGHS.]
Wow.
Don's got skills.
Yeah! [HIGH-PITCHED WHINING.]
He looks so harmless and innocent.
JEFF: Oh, don't be fooled.
Turn your back, and he'll jab one of those corners right into your eye.
Uh, he's waking up.
Let's get him in the box.
ERIC: [SLEEPILY.]
What's going on? It's a mutiny, bitch! Your time of being a jerk to me is over.
ERIC: You betrayed the mission, Walsh! So, the mutiny is over? I think it is, yeah.
I'm sorry.
Is this some sort of prank? No.
One night, when Mom was super-pregnant with us, she saw this crazy bright light.
The next thing she knew, she was going into labor on a spaceship.
[ECHOING.]
That's where you were born.
[BABY CRYING.]
Hang on.
W-We were born on a spaceship? [CHUCKLING.]
No.
Just you.
I was born a few minutes later in a tourist booth outside Niagara Falls.
That's where the aliens dropped Mom off.
Because they took you, Mom was paranoid that they were gonna come back for me.
She never let me out of her sight.
That's insane.
I mean, I didn't hate it.
I had a lot of great imaginary friends Jared and Doreen.
No, I mean the alien stuff.
Oh, yeah, that was insane.
But now that we've found you, Mom's gonna be so stoked.
Mom's been looking for me? Since the day we were born.
Can we call her? No, Mom doesn't like telephones.
She really lives off the grid.
You know, so that [WHISPERING.]
they can't find her.
[SMACKS LIPS.]
I need to use the restroom.
So I'm just gonna be right back.
Go do your thing.
I-I miss you already.
- Wow, that's a big - Oooh! You're black? - [CELLPHONE RINGS.]
- Right? You're the black cube? - Okay, ready? - It doesn't matter, though.
- It does It does matter.
- It matters where Hello? Hey, Gina? Gina, it's Alex.
Hey! How's it going with your sister? Well, there was one major scenario we did not go over The one where my sister tells me our mom was abducted by aliens and I was born on a spaceship.
- What? - Yeah.
I think I need your help.
All right.
Tell us what you're doing to StarCrossed, or we'll launch your ass into space.
- No.
- Who cares about StarCrossed? We care! Fine.
It was nice working with ya.
Okay, you called my bluff.
I took control of Gerry's mind.
When he is triggered, he will kill all of your human pets that have been distracting you from the mission.
- When? - When the 5s are two.
What the hell is he talking about? You guys, don't let him out of your sight.
If something happens to StarCrossed, you can push that button.
Oh, yes! With pleasure.
Hey, everyone.
Sorry to interrupt.
Sorry.
Uh, this is my sister Jasmine.
Come on.
It's okay.
I uh, you two are, um Twins.
- Yeah.
- Yep.
This looks like a really cool party.
You guys have any soda? Oh, sure Orange, cola, and grape.
Yes, please.
We already started the game, so we can't start it over.
Got it.
Gina, can I please just talk to you for a second? Okay, the night of your birthday party, I-I did have this weird I don't even know what you would call it A vision, a-a memory that I was on a ship.
Well [SIGHS.]
it could explain why you're an orphan.
And there's only one person who can corroborate that story.
The head of the FBI.
Your mother, I was thinking.
- Oh my mother, yeah.
- Yeah.
[CLACKING.]
Two times around the board.
No abductions.
Suck it, losers.
[CHUCKLES.]
So, uh, Douglas, I have a question about ethics that I'd love your take on.
Okay, sure.
Say there's this man, and, uh he loves his girlfriend so much that he left his job for her.
And one day, she says, "Surprise!" I have this CD that my ex-husband gave me.
"I'd like to take it into our home.
" So, would you be okay playing that CD in your CD player as though it were your own? Margaret, uh, is the man me? And is the man's girlfriend Chelsea? And is the CD a baby? And is Chelsea pregnant with John's baby? - But it could be your baby.
- What? Look, I've s-said too much.
- Okay, my go.
- CHELSEA: Hey.
Hey.
Um [DICE ECHOING.]
[MONOTONE.]
When the 5s are two, what do you do? Activate.
Wait, is this part of the game? Gerry, no! Walsh! Oh, my God! [SCREAMS.]
Hey! What's going on?! Walsh? Get your skinny Reptilian hands off my man.
Hey, dummy, where's the cube?! It's in the bo Uh, no, he's not.
He was right there.
I swe He Where did he go? I was just talking to him about mistakes we made in life and love.
I'm right over here, traitors.
He shrunk.
He shrunk.
He shrunk.
Did you know he could shrink? No one knew, you idiot! Prepare for punishment.
[LAUGHING.]
I didn't want a mutiny! It It was Jonathan's idea! Oh, shut up, Jeff.
He put us up to it! Blame him! - Yvonne, give me the gun.
- GERRY: Activate.
You don't want to do something you're gonna regret.
Yvonne, I thought you said you got rid of all your guns.
- I lied.
- You don't understand.
Gerry's trying to kill you.
I don't know how, but trust me.
He was about to do it.
Gerry.
W-Wait,that Gerry? - Activate! - Reptilian lies! Shoot him, Yvonne! Come on.
Give me the gun.
No one's shooting anyone today.
Activate! [SIGHS.]
Thank you.
Activate.
Except for maybe me.
What What are you doing?! You're under arrest, Jonathan Walsh.
I just saved your lives.
Shut up! Put your fingers together, your hands behind your back.
Activate! Come here.
Gerry, are you okay? Activate.
Activate.
Come on.
Come on, Gerry.
Activate.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
Gerry, you're scaring me.
Whoa.
What happened? Did I win? I'm taking him in.
No! You can't take him in.
We have too many important questions.
Like, what did you do with Ozzie? What did you do to Nancy? I didn't do anything to Ozzie.
I tried to save him.
And now I'm here to save you.
Yeah, thanks, but we don't need your saving.
If you save us like Ozzie, we'd all end up dead.
Aliens abducted my mom and my sister.
We don't know that.
See, this is what I was talking about.
What did you do with my ovaries? Hey, guys, this isn't a witch hunt.
Don't be crazy Witches aren't real.
Get the Reptilian! Everybody, back off.
The only one getting him is the FBI.
Yeah, my sister's a badass.
Mom's gonna freak! [SIGHS.]
Hello, Don.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry I have to do this.
What's that? Is Is that new? Ow! Ow! Why would you do [YAWNS.]
[CHUCKLING EVILLY.]
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
[LAUGHING EVILLY.]
Are you really an alien? Yup.
He's not an alien.
He's a white-collar criminal who stole from old ladies and escaped from a Russian prison.
Is that what the FBI told you? Because they're lying.
If you take me there, they're gonna kill me, kill you, and probably your sister.
Okay, so maybe we don't go to the FBI, 'cause if they're gonna kill me Don't worry The FBI wouldn't do that.
Who are you gonna believe Your sister or a criminal? I believe my sister Krystal.
By the way, that's the name Mom gave you when we were born.
Go on.
Why don't you call them Krystal? Shut up, Walsh! [PARKING BRAKE ENGAGES.]
Agent Saunders? It's Foster.
Hey, any word on Walsh? Still in a Russian prison.
Okay.
I'm on my way in.
Just tying up some loose ends.
I'll see you soon.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Shit.
Makes you wonder what else they're lying about.
Walsh, can you just shut up for, like, five seconds? I just found out my whole life is a lie.
I'm sorry, Alex, but you need to know there are people in the FBI who aren't even people.
He means aliens.
I know you don't believe in this alien stuff, but maybe it's time we end that right now.
What are you talking about? - Oh, my God! How did you do that?! - Oh, my freaking God! What What What's happening to his eyes?! [WHIMPERING.]
Guys.
Guys, settle down.
You can trust me.
Those were Ozzie's last words.
He told me I could trust you.
He did? Well, do you? Hello, Don.
[BUZZING.]
He could be anywhere.
Uh, hey, Kurt.
I have something I've been meaning to tell you.
Uh-huh.
Uh how do I put this? Every time you walk into a room, my heart starts to beat fast and What What are you trying to tell me? I love you! Damn it.
I wasn't giving you CPR.
I kissed you on the lips because I love you.
What? Feels good to trim the fat.
Everybody take a weapon.
All right, everybody needs to calm down.
And take a weapon.
I'll never doubt you again, babe.
Um, so is it mine? I don't know.
- Okay.
- It could be.
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING.]
Uh, it could also be [RUMBLING.]
[GASPS.]
No.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
[RUMBLING CONTINUES.]
[INDISTINCT TALKING, WHIMPERING.]
Aah! No! Stop, stop, stop, stop! [ALL SCREAMING.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
ALEX: Gina? Richard? [DOOR CLOSES.]
Where are they? I think I might know.
He means aliens.
Kurt? Don? [WHIMPERING.]
Okay, stay cool.
[OWL HOOTS.]
[WHIMPERING.]
- Ooh, shoot.
- [GROWLING.]
Uh nice doggie.
No, no, no.
Nice, nice nice doggie.
[BARKING.]
[SCREAMING.]
No! Bad dog! Bad dog! [SCREAMING, WHIMPERING.]
[HORN BLARES.]
Oh, not today, car! [THUD.]
Everybody, everybody, try Try to stay as calm as possible.
Three, two, one! [GRUNTS.]
Damn it! Holy Mary, Mother of God Is that Don? Welcome back to the ship, everyone.
[BEE BUZZING.]
[DON'S AND ERIC'S VOICES.]
Don't get weird.
Trust Walsh.
He has the truth.
Eric wants to eliminate all you guys.
And he wants to go after everybody in StarCrossed.
JONATHAN: This is our way to defeat Eric.
We grab him when he's charging.
Ha ha ha ha! I got rid of the bee! I just found out I have a sister.
Oh, crap, I'm pregnant.
I just want to make sure that you're all coming to our Game Night.
ERIC: Take this, Gerry.
You will need this for when the 5s are two.
Do you understand your instructions, Gerry? There must be no survivors.
I understand.
Remember Don't let your emotional attachment to the group get in the way.
StarCrossed must be eliminated.
Anything for the mission.
We're a good team, Gerry.
You're very special to me.
You're like the son I always wanted.
Dad.
You're going to do a great job building the game, son.
And when you're finished, you'll feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
Now, when the 5s are two, what do you do? Activate.
It will be as easy as rolling the dice and Pushing the button.
- Hey, babe.
- Hi, sweetie.
So, I got everything that we need for Game Night.
- Chips for nachos? - Yes.
- Cheese? - Yep.
- Olives? - Gerry, this is not my first time making nachos.
I'm sorry.
I'm just so excited.
I feel such a sense of accomplishment and purpose because - We agreed to host our first party as a coup le - I finished my board game.
I'm also excited about our first party.
Great.
Now get excited about helping me with the groceries.
Yeah.
Did you get the jalapeños? Gerry, I swear to God! No.
Sorry.
I can't do it.
Babe, we talked about this.
We can't have StarCrossed over with all these traps and weapons around.
Now give me the ax.
[WHIMPERS.]
Okay, you're right.
Okay.
Now, is this everything? Mm-hmm.
[TRACY BRYANT'S "HEY SPACEMAN!" PLAYS.]
The opportunities come breaking in the room Only when I loosen my grip and forget all that I knew Hey, Spaceman, oh, I'd really like to know [SIGHS.]
Okay, be honest.
Does this outfit say "cool new sister" or "woman who's trying too hard to look chill", and it's not working"? Alex, relax.
Your sister's gonna be just as nervous as you are.
And that is why I've asked Margaret to help us with a little role-playing exercise today.
Yeah, I did a bit of guerilla theater back in the '70s.
That was really groovy stuff.
We broke the fourth wall.
We went nude over the audience.
But we're we're gonna wear clothes today.
Oh, yeah.
Not to worry about that, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Margaret, you'll be playing the sister.
- Okay.
- And, Alex, you'll be playing yourself.
- That's great.
- Okay.
Great.
Ooh! I'm really nervous.
Just stay in the moment and embrace your feelings, okay? - Okay.
- Margaret, enter.
I'm so happy to finally meet you, Alex, and I brought you a gift.
Wait I didn't bring her a gift.
Okay, this is good.
Stay in the moment.
Accept the gift, and then maybe say something like, "The real gift is finally getting to meet you.
" Ooh.
That's good.
I like that.
I'll remember that.
I should bring her a gift, though, right? I can't just show up empty-handed.
- Well - What does that say? "Hi.
I'm cheap, and I have no manners"? That's That sucks.
This is good You're identifying a fear, and now you're addressing that fear with giving the gift.
Really great work.
Proud of you.
All right, let's do another scenario.
Oh.
Okay.
So I-I am getting her a gift, though.
So remind me to do that.
Margaret, enter.
It's so nice to finally meet you, Alex.
I need money for drugs.
Stay in the moment.
You got this.
The real drug is finally getting to meet you.
Fantastic.
Great work.
Oh! - Really, really great work.
- Ohh! - All right.
Today's the day.
- Yeah.
No more oppression under Eric.
- It's "go" time.
- Okay.
I sense some nervousness in the supply closet.
Yeah, genius.
We're about to do a mutiny.
We could get executed for this.
Okay, let's stay positive.
Um, how about we focus on what we'll do after we've taken the ship back? That's a good idea.
I'm gonna go down to Earth, find other rogue Reptilians, like me who want to expose the alien agenda.
I think I'll take the ship and see if there's any Greys left.
Hey, Kurt, you wanna come with? Sure.
I want to get as far from this car-infested planet as possible.
- You know what I'm gonna do? - No.
- Not really.
- I do, Don.
Jonathan, thank you.
Uh, well, I'm going back to Earth to do some good Help the humans.
I already signed up for Habitat for Humanity.
They gave me a free t-shirt.
I'll miss you guys.
Whatever.
All right.
Good chat.
Let's go out there and have a great mutiny.
Yeah yes.
[BEE BUZZING.]
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS.]
Brown rice or Are there more? I can help if there's So, have you told Doug you're pregnant yet? You know, I can't even be sure if it's Doug's or if it's John's.
So what if it's not Doug's? And then he'll think that he left the church and and ruined his life for nothing.
And then I would have ruined the baby's life.
You know what? I'll suss him out.
I'll just ask a few subtle questions that'll reveal his true feelings about parenting a kid that's not biologically his.
- Oh, M-Margaret.
- No, no, no, no, it's okay.
I've done this a million times.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Okay, listen up.
This is "Experiencers: The Game," and it's what we're gonna play tonight.
GINA: Wow.
Gerry, this is very detailed.
Yeah.
Cool spaceship.
You built this yourself? - Yeah.
- Impressive.
Yeah, it's very impressive.
ERIC: You don't know how impressive.
GERRY: Okay, the rules are simple.
Let's pretend Richard rolls a 3.
1, 2, 3.
- You got abducted.
- Oh.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, my gosh! Don't laugh.
By a white! Ooh-ooh! Ooh! Whoa! Ooh! At least it's not a Reptilian.
GINA: No kidding.
Okay, but seriously, uh, now what? You're on the ship, and you have to roll two 5s to get off it.
- Okay.
- Okay, so the object of the game is to move your cube around Beacon without getting abducted? Yes.
And whoever gets abducted the least wins? No.
There are no winners.
Everyone's a winner.
- What's the point? - That makes no sense.
Come on, guys.
It's not about winning and losing.
It's about the experience.
- We can't win.
- That is really therapeutic, Gerry.
- No stakes.
- I love it.
Thank you, Gina.
You can go first.
Oh, great.
Yay.
A 5 and a 1.
Oh, not that it matters.
[HORNS HONKING IN DISTANCE.]
[SIGHS.]
Okay, you can do this.
You can do this.
You were born to be a sister.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my gosh.
We're twins? I can't believe it.
I know.
I honestly never thought this day would come.
Come in.
My whole life, Mom's been saying I have a twin, and now I know she's not a big ol' liar.
It's so exciting.
I cut my own hair.
Oh.
I Is that a gift for me? Uh, yeah.
It's a candle.
It's peach.
So I just light it and look at it? Yeah, it's a candle.
I got you a present, too.
I hope you like it.
Um What is it? It's our baby book.
Mom was abducted by aliens, and you were born on a spaceship.
Um what? Three, two, one [MOTORS POWERING DOWN.]
[ALARM BLARING.]
What's going on? I don't know.
I was gonna ask you.
Aah! Okay.
Sorry.
There we go.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
[SIGHS.]
Wow.
Don's got skills.
Yeah! [HIGH-PITCHED WHINING.]
He looks so harmless and innocent.
JEFF: Oh, don't be fooled.
Turn your back, and he'll jab one of those corners right into your eye.
Uh, he's waking up.
Let's get him in the box.
ERIC: [SLEEPILY.]
What's going on? It's a mutiny, bitch! Your time of being a jerk to me is over.
ERIC: You betrayed the mission, Walsh! So, the mutiny is over? I think it is, yeah.
I'm sorry.
Is this some sort of prank? No.
One night, when Mom was super-pregnant with us, she saw this crazy bright light.
The next thing she knew, she was going into labor on a spaceship.
[ECHOING.]
That's where you were born.
[BABY CRYING.]
Hang on.
W-We were born on a spaceship? [CHUCKLING.]
No.
Just you.
I was born a few minutes later in a tourist booth outside Niagara Falls.
That's where the aliens dropped Mom off.
Because they took you, Mom was paranoid that they were gonna come back for me.
She never let me out of her sight.
That's insane.
I mean, I didn't hate it.
I had a lot of great imaginary friends Jared and Doreen.
No, I mean the alien stuff.
Oh, yeah, that was insane.
But now that we've found you, Mom's gonna be so stoked.
Mom's been looking for me? Since the day we were born.
Can we call her? No, Mom doesn't like telephones.
She really lives off the grid.
You know, so that [WHISPERING.]
they can't find her.
[SMACKS LIPS.]
I need to use the restroom.
So I'm just gonna be right back.
Go do your thing.
I-I miss you already.
- Wow, that's a big - Oooh! You're black? - [CELLPHONE RINGS.]
- Right? You're the black cube? - Okay, ready? - It doesn't matter, though.
- It does It does matter.
- It matters where Hello? Hey, Gina? Gina, it's Alex.
Hey! How's it going with your sister? Well, there was one major scenario we did not go over The one where my sister tells me our mom was abducted by aliens and I was born on a spaceship.
- What? - Yeah.
I think I need your help.
All right.
Tell us what you're doing to StarCrossed, or we'll launch your ass into space.
- No.
- Who cares about StarCrossed? We care! Fine.
It was nice working with ya.
Okay, you called my bluff.
I took control of Gerry's mind.
When he is triggered, he will kill all of your human pets that have been distracting you from the mission.
- When? - When the 5s are two.
What the hell is he talking about? You guys, don't let him out of your sight.
If something happens to StarCrossed, you can push that button.
Oh, yes! With pleasure.
Hey, everyone.
Sorry to interrupt.
Sorry.
Uh, this is my sister Jasmine.
Come on.
It's okay.
I uh, you two are, um Twins.
- Yeah.
- Yep.
This looks like a really cool party.
You guys have any soda? Oh, sure Orange, cola, and grape.
Yes, please.
We already started the game, so we can't start it over.
Got it.
Gina, can I please just talk to you for a second? Okay, the night of your birthday party, I-I did have this weird I don't even know what you would call it A vision, a-a memory that I was on a ship.
Well [SIGHS.]
it could explain why you're an orphan.
And there's only one person who can corroborate that story.
The head of the FBI.
Your mother, I was thinking.
- Oh my mother, yeah.
- Yeah.
[CLACKING.]
Two times around the board.
No abductions.
Suck it, losers.
[CHUCKLES.]
So, uh, Douglas, I have a question about ethics that I'd love your take on.
Okay, sure.
Say there's this man, and, uh he loves his girlfriend so much that he left his job for her.
And one day, she says, "Surprise!" I have this CD that my ex-husband gave me.
"I'd like to take it into our home.
" So, would you be okay playing that CD in your CD player as though it were your own? Margaret, uh, is the man me? And is the man's girlfriend Chelsea? And is the CD a baby? And is Chelsea pregnant with John's baby? - But it could be your baby.
- What? Look, I've s-said too much.
- Okay, my go.
- CHELSEA: Hey.
Hey.
Um [DICE ECHOING.]
[MONOTONE.]
When the 5s are two, what do you do? Activate.
Wait, is this part of the game? Gerry, no! Walsh! Oh, my God! [SCREAMS.]
Hey! What's going on?! Walsh? Get your skinny Reptilian hands off my man.
Hey, dummy, where's the cube?! It's in the bo Uh, no, he's not.
He was right there.
I swe He Where did he go? I was just talking to him about mistakes we made in life and love.
I'm right over here, traitors.
He shrunk.
He shrunk.
He shrunk.
Did you know he could shrink? No one knew, you idiot! Prepare for punishment.
[LAUGHING.]
I didn't want a mutiny! It It was Jonathan's idea! Oh, shut up, Jeff.
He put us up to it! Blame him! - Yvonne, give me the gun.
- GERRY: Activate.
You don't want to do something you're gonna regret.
Yvonne, I thought you said you got rid of all your guns.
- I lied.
- You don't understand.
Gerry's trying to kill you.
I don't know how, but trust me.
He was about to do it.
Gerry.
W-Wait,that Gerry? - Activate! - Reptilian lies! Shoot him, Yvonne! Come on.
Give me the gun.
No one's shooting anyone today.
Activate! [SIGHS.]
Thank you.
Activate.
Except for maybe me.
What What are you doing?! You're under arrest, Jonathan Walsh.
I just saved your lives.
Shut up! Put your fingers together, your hands behind your back.
Activate! Come here.
Gerry, are you okay? Activate.
Activate.
Come on.
Come on, Gerry.
Activate.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
Gerry, you're scaring me.
Whoa.
What happened? Did I win? I'm taking him in.
No! You can't take him in.
We have too many important questions.
Like, what did you do with Ozzie? What did you do to Nancy? I didn't do anything to Ozzie.
I tried to save him.
And now I'm here to save you.
Yeah, thanks, but we don't need your saving.
If you save us like Ozzie, we'd all end up dead.
Aliens abducted my mom and my sister.
We don't know that.
See, this is what I was talking about.
What did you do with my ovaries? Hey, guys, this isn't a witch hunt.
Don't be crazy Witches aren't real.
Get the Reptilian! Everybody, back off.
The only one getting him is the FBI.
Yeah, my sister's a badass.
Mom's gonna freak! [SIGHS.]
Hello, Don.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry I have to do this.
What's that? Is Is that new? Ow! Ow! Why would you do [YAWNS.]
[CHUCKLING EVILLY.]
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
[LAUGHING EVILLY.]
Are you really an alien? Yup.
He's not an alien.
He's a white-collar criminal who stole from old ladies and escaped from a Russian prison.
Is that what the FBI told you? Because they're lying.
If you take me there, they're gonna kill me, kill you, and probably your sister.
Okay, so maybe we don't go to the FBI, 'cause if they're gonna kill me Don't worry The FBI wouldn't do that.
Who are you gonna believe Your sister or a criminal? I believe my sister Krystal.
By the way, that's the name Mom gave you when we were born.
Go on.
Why don't you call them Krystal? Shut up, Walsh! [PARKING BRAKE ENGAGES.]
Agent Saunders? It's Foster.
Hey, any word on Walsh? Still in a Russian prison.
Okay.
I'm on my way in.
Just tying up some loose ends.
I'll see you soon.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Shit.
Makes you wonder what else they're lying about.
Walsh, can you just shut up for, like, five seconds? I just found out my whole life is a lie.
I'm sorry, Alex, but you need to know there are people in the FBI who aren't even people.
He means aliens.
I know you don't believe in this alien stuff, but maybe it's time we end that right now.
What are you talking about? - Oh, my God! How did you do that?! - Oh, my freaking God! What What What's happening to his eyes?! [WHIMPERING.]
Guys.
Guys, settle down.
You can trust me.
Those were Ozzie's last words.
He told me I could trust you.
He did? Well, do you? Hello, Don.
[BUZZING.]
He could be anywhere.
Uh, hey, Kurt.
I have something I've been meaning to tell you.
Uh-huh.
Uh how do I put this? Every time you walk into a room, my heart starts to beat fast and What What are you trying to tell me? I love you! Damn it.
I wasn't giving you CPR.
I kissed you on the lips because I love you.
What? Feels good to trim the fat.
Everybody take a weapon.
All right, everybody needs to calm down.
And take a weapon.
I'll never doubt you again, babe.
Um, so is it mine? I don't know.
- Okay.
- It could be.
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING.]
Uh, it could also be [RUMBLING.]
[GASPS.]
No.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
[RUMBLING CONTINUES.]
[INDISTINCT TALKING, WHIMPERING.]
Aah! No! Stop, stop, stop, stop! [ALL SCREAMING.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
ALEX: Gina? Richard? [DOOR CLOSES.]
Where are they? I think I might know.
He means aliens.
Kurt? Don? [WHIMPERING.]
Okay, stay cool.
[OWL HOOTS.]
[WHIMPERING.]
- Ooh, shoot.
- [GROWLING.]
Uh nice doggie.
No, no, no.
Nice, nice nice doggie.
[BARKING.]
[SCREAMING.]
No! Bad dog! Bad dog! [SCREAMING, WHIMPERING.]
[HORN BLARES.]
Oh, not today, car! [THUD.]
Everybody, everybody, try Try to stay as calm as possible.
Three, two, one! [GRUNTS.]
Damn it! Holy Mary, Mother of God Is that Don? Welcome back to the ship, everyone.
[BEE BUZZING.]
[DON'S AND ERIC'S VOICES.]
Don't get weird.