Portlandia (2011) s02e10 Episode Script
Brunch Village
Peter, honey, so what's on tap for our Sunday? Ah, that mandolin festival is still going on.
Oh, that's great.
Listen to this.
Coffee.
There's a new brunch place.
- Fisherman's Porch.
- Ooh! Got something called Marionberry pancakes - that everyone's ordering.
- Yum.
"The Fisherman's Porch offers a" Eggs Benedict.
The same with Benedict.
"The best syrups I've had.
" "Coffee" Peter, let's go.
I want to have a mimosa.
I want to have some Marionberry pancakes.
And I want to go with my guy.
OK.
It opens at It says, "Get there early.
" - Let's go.
- On a Sunday? Yeah.
We can go today.
Today? Let's just be spontaneous and go right now.
Should we go? I I want to go today.
Come on! I don't know.
I mean, jeez.
I mean, why don't we go next week? I have to say it's not that attractive when you're indecisive.
Parking - Peter - You know what I mean.
- Come on.
- Crowds - We just had coffee.
- You know what? We're going to take it to go.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- Let's do it.
- Come on.
Hello.
Hey, Fred.
Hi, it's the mayor.
Good morning.
Am I waking you up? Yes.
Oh, well let me be the first to say "good morning!" if could invite you to brunch this morning.
Just as a thank you for all you've done for the city.
Where do you want to meet? That brunch place down on Deakam.
Get there, say, around 9:00? Oh.
- Is that going to work? - OK.
OK.
Good.
Hey, listen, if you see Carrie, will you tell her too, please? Yeah.
Hold on.
Carrie? - Carrie? - Huh? Carrie.
Hmm.
What? Hey, the mayor's calling.
He's inviting us to brunch.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, uh, that sounds great.
OK.
On my way.
- Long line.
- Yeah.
Are they open? Not yet.
Water! H2O! Water! $6 water! Is the line for Fisherman's Porch? Crazy.
Whoa.
Hey, guys.
Calm down.
One at a time, OK? I'll get to you one at a time.
All right, how many in your party? OK.
Your name? Barbara.
OK.
Great.
And 2? And your name? Great.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you? - Good.
How are you? - Good.
- How many? - 2.
- 2, all right.
- And the name? - Peter.
Peter, all right.
Great.
- Quick question.
- Yeah.
How long until we get seated? You know, it could be maybe an hour and a half.
You know what? We'll sit at the counter.
Yeah, there's no-- there's no counter.
Yeah.
So I mean, a table.
Is that all right? And--and can you-- can you-- is it possible-- can you order in advance and send the order up to the chef so that it's waiting for us when we get there? No.
I think maybe you could have gone to McDonald's for that.
Maybe--you might be at the wrong restaurant.
- No.
No.
- Yeah.
No? We're trying to think of it like an adventure.
- You guys want to see a menu? - Yeah.
- We'd love to.
- All right.
- OK.
So you got that? - Peter.
Peter, party of 2.
P-e-t-e-r.
You got that, right? Yeah.
Peter.
- There's 2 of us.
- Party of 2.
OK.
All right.
Marionberry pancakes.
I'll have that for me.
You get those.
And I'm going to get the frittata.
But I want Turkey Breast Benedict.
Oh, fruit plate! I'm getting that.
- Peter! - I'll do the frittata.
OK.
I would like the frittata.
And you get the Marionberry pancakes.
- OK? - OK.
Why don't we do this? Why don't we get-- I don't know what I want.
I hate how indecisive you're getting.
- I'm not indecisive.
I just can't decide.
- Yes, you are! Peter, I want you to want something.
- The Breakfast Burger.
- Great.
- And the pancakes.
- No, I'm done with this.
I'm just going to be honest with you.
This is just such a turnoff when you do this.
It is? OK.
I'm freezing.
I'm going to go to the car, and get my jacket.
When I come back, you'd better have decided on your order.
OK? Figure it out.
She's not really mad.
It's when--when in relationships when you're together a long time you have your own volume and language.
It sounds to strangers like it's heated.
And that's just a common-- that happens when-- just any time.
Who is it? Oh, it's the mayor.
Hey.
Fred, I'm--I'm stuck on the bridge.
Oh, really? He's stuck on a bridge.
Yeah.
Hawthorne bridge.
- Great.
- Uh, it's a very long line.
- You know that, right? - Really? Well, maybe maybe it's caught on.
Do you know an alternate way I can get to you? Maybe the Esplanade, the west side Esplanade around.
Is there an alternate route? He's on the Hawthorne bridge.
- Is it up? - Yeah.
There is no alternate route.
It means all the bridges are up.
Ai-yai-yai.
No, I think they're done with the construction on the Morrison.
So I think I can take that.
Oh! I have an idea.
Yeah, I know how I'm going to get around this.
All right, good.
We'll see you here.
- All right.
- Oh.
We're moving.
Hi.
What is this-- what is this for, Toni? This our store.
You're in the way of our store.
What are you all waiting for? This is a sacred storefront and a women's space.
We can't get in.
Look.
Our customers need a safe passage as do we.
This is no longer a safe space for women.
We're going to go in.
And we're going to come out in 20 minutes.
And I want you guys gone.
We are a peaceful organization.
But at this time, this makes me very warlike.
So help me God, I will jump from head to head using your skulls as stepping stones into the river that is the street.
And I'm going to take tea and take a sip of it and spit it into each and every one of your mouths.
Oh, it'll burn me.
But it'll burn you twice.
Burn me once with tea, shame on me.
Burn you twice in your own mouth, shame on everybody involved.
Okay, right this way to your table.
So here's my report.
There's a table of 4.
They're just chit-chatting.
There's a table of 2.
They've already paid.
I think you're about Whoo! Long line.
We got some food ready to go and tables open right here, folks.
We got the Triple Play.
We got the Cup of Joe, Side of Dough.
And we got the Early Morning Eye-Opener.
All 1.
99.
Actually Cup of Joe, Side of Dough is 99 cents today.
So We got a lot of tables.
You could get a refill right now of that coffee if you come on in.
You get free refills.
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry.
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
OK.
Hey! Hey, you're cutting! Hey! She's cutting! Boo! Can't see what's going on down there.
They're all--boo! I'm not cutting.
I was already in line.
Come on, love.
Come on.
- Aah! - Come on.
I'm not cutting.
Come on.
Let's go.
Thank you.
Peter! Peter! I don't even know - Please! Ow! - Come on! You're hurting my arm.
Come on! I just--I just want to go back to my husband.
Please.
Where am I? Your Excellency.
Uh! Um, hi.
I'm Nance.
Silence! I'm not exactly-- Silence! I'm not exactly sure why I'm here.
Silence.
Explain yourself.
Do you want me to be silent, or do you want me to explain myself? Explain yourself in a silent voice using words.
Well, I was in line with my husband Peter.
And he gets very, very indecisive about food and just kind of in general.
And so I started walking towards the car.
And it's--you know, it's a little chilly out.
And I just--I wanted to get my jacket.
Grabbed a jacket from the car.
A jacket! She wanted to get a jacket.
She wanted to get a jacket.
I mean-- It's a nice-- It's a nice-- I don't appreciate the-- Being how hot it is in here, why would you need a jacket? Well, I wasn't really expecting to end up here.
Silence! You cut the line! I-- You cut the line! Do you have any idea what kind of chaos would ensue were I to allow your transgression to go unpunished? Absolute anarchy.
Now I want to be in anarchy.
But we all have to be adults, don't we? Not psychotic children, cutting the line, chewing on human flesh-- bleed piggy, bleed! - Ahh! - I, uh-- Ahh! - I-- - No! I must punish you to save the children.
I want to save the children.
I donate every year.
Please.
- *.
- Yes, my lord.
The synthetics, please.
Aah! - party of four.
- Look, we're moving.
Oh, now the mayor's calling me.
Hello.
Hey, Carrie, the mayor.
It's taking me a little longer than I thought.
Listen, you don't know the Willamette River topography, do you well? Are you still on the Hawthorne bridge? Yeah.
I was on the Hawthorne bridge, and now I just passed under it.
Ahoy there! Would you know the brunch place on Deakam? Am I going in the right direction?! Hey, Mr.
Mayor, I don't know if maybe you could call the restaurant and drop your name.
I can't really do that, Carrie.
I--yeah-- I've never done that as a mayor before.
I really can't.
I don't know.
Just saying, like, you might need to pull some strings.
Would you shut up?! Make U-turn No! Sorry, Carrie, not you.
I'm talking to my Garmin-- OK.
I mean, just get here.
I see OMSI [Oregon Museum of Science and Industry.]
up ahead.
I think I'm going to be OK.
See you soon! OK.
See you soon.
OK.
That was really weird.
Oh, look! There's a submarine! Oh, I know where I am.
Yeah.
I can't find my wife.
She just Will you do me a favor? I got to look for Nance, my wife.
Can you just hold my spot? I'll be right back.
Sure.
Nance? Nance? Sorry.
I'm looking for my wife.
Nance, are you around? Nance? You didn't see a woman in here, did you? My wife? My wife? Hey! Trespasser! Trespasser! This is a riot! Get off our property! This is a protest! We're sorry that we had to do this.
But we asked you kindly.
Get out! Get off our property! Go! Go! I will silence your rebellion! I declare this space free of trespass.
Thank you.
Also, we're having a sale on some of our short stories.
It's going to be half off for the next hour or so.
So, please come in and look at them.
Goddess bless.
Have you seen my wife? This is Nance.
I can't find her.
She was in line with me.
This is her.
- Yeah, I have seen her.
- You have?! Where is she? It's a bad place.
You really don't want to go down there.
Why not? It's end of the line, south of Burnside.
SoBu.
Seem like nice people.
I just-- I'm just going through.
I don't mean any harm.
Is it a fee? I have money.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
That was very kind of you.
Hi.
Uh, I'm just going through there.
I'm just going through-- I'm looking for-- My wife is back there, I think.
Nance! Nance, it's Peter! What happened? Margaret, party of 2.
OK.
This is going to take forever.
We're never going to get there.
I'm starving.
It's going to take forever.
It goes a mile back.
Really? Crazy.
Will you text the mayor? - Yeah.
- Hey! Catch the show this weekend? Beef Garden? - Great show.
Great set.
- No.
- Missed it.
What are your names? Fred.
Carrie.
Oh, yeah.
We got your table ready.
You asked our name first? Fred and Carrie, right here.
Party of 2.
Let's go.
- Really? - Come with me.
Are you sure? We're, like, really far back in line.
No, you got a special table.
- Oh, we did? - We did? - Oh, yeah.
- OK.
I don't think this is Fisherman's Porch.
- Obviously.
- What is this? I guess it's a restaurant.
It also seems like a drug store.
- Totally.
- Let's just go.
Good morning! Let me tell you about our specials.
We got the Triple Play for 1.
99.
And we got the Cup of Joe, Side of Dough for 0.
99.
Oh, well, we actually made a mistake.
We meant to were supposed to meet someone-- That's great.
'Cause there's a 3-fer.
There's a 3-fer.
If you order something, a free meal, free beverage.
So, you can't beat a bargain like that.
That's very kind of you.
I just--I feel bad, 'cause we were supposed to meet them next door.
And we-- You want me to give them a ring? No, no, no.
You don't have to do that.
We have cell phones.
I don't want you to be charged.
I don't know how many minutes you got on your plan.
I could call them right now if that's the issue.
How about this? We promise we'll come back.
It seems like a cool place.
How about just a beverage or something right now? Bring you a cup of coffee or something? All right, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Cup of coffee.
Great.
Cup of coffee for you? We want brunch.
We want these Marionberry pancakes.
And I've got some blueberries I'm sure are still good in the basket.
I'll put some blueberries in.
You'll have some nice cakes.
I'll take one.
I'll have blueberry.
Fantastic! There is a difference in berries.
- You know that, right? - Yeah.
- That's fine.
- That's fine.
It just tastes sweet, that's all.
OK.
Why are you pouting? He's just trying to keep a business together.
You know what? You have daddy issues.
Some people don't like this.
So I got the good stuff for you right here.
This is a really good stuff.
Are those hand wipes? Yeah.
You can use one too.
There's some gum under the table.
I just remembered.
I'll get that for you.
OK.
I hope these people saved our place in line.
- Yeah, me too - OK.
Hurry.
Stacy, party of 3.
Nance! Nance! Nance, it's Peter.
You want your brunch before everyone else.
Little piggy, piggy! Well, here it is.
Your brunch.
And there's corn oils and some kind of preservatives all mixed together in some kind of chemical stew.
It's awful.
I just--I haven't eaten anything like that for years.
Well, I'm very sorry.
Feed her.
No, please.
Feed her her brunch.
- No! - Eat your brunch.
That's really--it's going to give me a stomach ache.
And I'm so excited for those pancakes.
Buh buh buh I mean--would-- I just want to go through.
I don't want to be too full.
I want to eat those pancakes.
Eat your brunch, Nance! I'll be a minute.
I just--that--I know her.
Peter, party of 2.
Our table.
We're up.
Move! Nance! Aah! Are you OK? What is this? What is this?! What are you doing? - Silence! - What? No.
- Silence.
- Why? - Silence.
- No.
No silence.
Loudness! Who do you think you are? Who do I think I am? I am Peter, party of 2.
They just announced our name.
We have a table.
And we're going to go get our table And we're going to eat brunch.
Because we waited in line.
He's the best.
Oh, excuse me.
One more thing.
What do you think you're going to have? You know, I'm kind of feeling the frittata.
I'm back to the pancakes.
I mean, I know everyone gets them.
But I'm a sucker.
The Marionberries are very, very good.
I hear, I've never been.
Great.
Well it was really great meeting you.
- Thanks.
- Enjoy! Go! Go! Go! Go! Peter, party of 2.
Peter, party of 2.
We have a table.
We're next.
Last call, Peter, party of 2.
That's our table.
We're never going to make it.
Peter, I'm so tired.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
Oh.
Should we try it? - Get on! - Let's go.
Coming.
We're coming.
We're coming.
Coming.
Please wait.
Please hold our table.
Is this really helping? Is this allowed even? Last time I moshed was Pearl Jam 1993.
We're on our way! Please hold our table! - Peter.
- Thank you.
Hello.
Hi.
Peter, party of 2.
Peter, party of 2.
Right this way.
My hero.
OK.
2 orders of Marionberry pancakes.
Enjoy.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
That was so good.
Those pancakes are unreal.
What happened to you today? I don't know.
Something just kind of took over.
Seeing you struggling like that I don't know.
I just couldn't be without you.
I just found myself.
Yeah, you did.
I kind of drank too many of those little glasses of orange juice, huh? You can drink as much as you want.
I ordered, like, 6.
You're a thirsty guy.
Yeah.
I've been told that a lot.
That's all we need to have a good time-- just me and you maybe a little bit of breakfast.
And juice.
Those green eyes.
You like 'em, don't you? Mmm.
Yeah.
Which one you like better? You know what? We are a party of 2.
Guess who's invited.
Me.
Am I invited? Let me think about it Uh yeah.
Uh Well, you know what? I'm RSVPing right now.
OK.
What are you saying? I'm saying yes.
I would love to come.
He just never showed up.
Oh well.
Let's just go somewhere else.
Hey! Hi! Fred, Carrie! - Hey.
- Hi.
You made it.
Thanks for waiting.
They just closed.
It's over.
- Huh? - They closed.
- What?! - Yeah.
- Here? - Yeah.
Oh, no.
This isn't the place.
- Oh, it-- - No! No! Our place is up there.
Hey, Ed! Table for 3! Hey, Mr.
Mayor! We'll be right there! You know that guy? Oh, yeah.
He's great! Oh, Cup of Joe, Side of Dough.
I'm so ready.
Hope you're hungry.
- Oh, yeah.
- All right.
Come on! It's really cheap.
I'll pay.
Even better!
Oh, that's great.
Listen to this.
Coffee.
There's a new brunch place.
- Fisherman's Porch.
- Ooh! Got something called Marionberry pancakes - that everyone's ordering.
- Yum.
"The Fisherman's Porch offers a" Eggs Benedict.
The same with Benedict.
"The best syrups I've had.
" "Coffee" Peter, let's go.
I want to have a mimosa.
I want to have some Marionberry pancakes.
And I want to go with my guy.
OK.
It opens at It says, "Get there early.
" - Let's go.
- On a Sunday? Yeah.
We can go today.
Today? Let's just be spontaneous and go right now.
Should we go? I I want to go today.
Come on! I don't know.
I mean, jeez.
I mean, why don't we go next week? I have to say it's not that attractive when you're indecisive.
Parking - Peter - You know what I mean.
- Come on.
- Crowds - We just had coffee.
- You know what? We're going to take it to go.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- Let's do it.
- Come on.
Hello.
Hey, Fred.
Hi, it's the mayor.
Good morning.
Am I waking you up? Yes.
Oh, well let me be the first to say "good morning!" if could invite you to brunch this morning.
Just as a thank you for all you've done for the city.
Where do you want to meet? That brunch place down on Deakam.
Get there, say, around 9:00? Oh.
- Is that going to work? - OK.
OK.
Good.
Hey, listen, if you see Carrie, will you tell her too, please? Yeah.
Hold on.
Carrie? - Carrie? - Huh? Carrie.
Hmm.
What? Hey, the mayor's calling.
He's inviting us to brunch.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, uh, that sounds great.
OK.
On my way.
- Long line.
- Yeah.
Are they open? Not yet.
Water! H2O! Water! $6 water! Is the line for Fisherman's Porch? Crazy.
Whoa.
Hey, guys.
Calm down.
One at a time, OK? I'll get to you one at a time.
All right, how many in your party? OK.
Your name? Barbara.
OK.
Great.
And 2? And your name? Great.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you? - Good.
How are you? - Good.
- How many? - 2.
- 2, all right.
- And the name? - Peter.
Peter, all right.
Great.
- Quick question.
- Yeah.
How long until we get seated? You know, it could be maybe an hour and a half.
You know what? We'll sit at the counter.
Yeah, there's no-- there's no counter.
Yeah.
So I mean, a table.
Is that all right? And--and can you-- can you-- is it possible-- can you order in advance and send the order up to the chef so that it's waiting for us when we get there? No.
I think maybe you could have gone to McDonald's for that.
Maybe--you might be at the wrong restaurant.
- No.
No.
- Yeah.
No? We're trying to think of it like an adventure.
- You guys want to see a menu? - Yeah.
- We'd love to.
- All right.
- OK.
So you got that? - Peter.
Peter, party of 2.
P-e-t-e-r.
You got that, right? Yeah.
Peter.
- There's 2 of us.
- Party of 2.
OK.
All right.
Marionberry pancakes.
I'll have that for me.
You get those.
And I'm going to get the frittata.
But I want Turkey Breast Benedict.
Oh, fruit plate! I'm getting that.
- Peter! - I'll do the frittata.
OK.
I would like the frittata.
And you get the Marionberry pancakes.
- OK? - OK.
Why don't we do this? Why don't we get-- I don't know what I want.
I hate how indecisive you're getting.
- I'm not indecisive.
I just can't decide.
- Yes, you are! Peter, I want you to want something.
- The Breakfast Burger.
- Great.
- And the pancakes.
- No, I'm done with this.
I'm just going to be honest with you.
This is just such a turnoff when you do this.
It is? OK.
I'm freezing.
I'm going to go to the car, and get my jacket.
When I come back, you'd better have decided on your order.
OK? Figure it out.
She's not really mad.
It's when--when in relationships when you're together a long time you have your own volume and language.
It sounds to strangers like it's heated.
And that's just a common-- that happens when-- just any time.
Who is it? Oh, it's the mayor.
Hey.
Fred, I'm--I'm stuck on the bridge.
Oh, really? He's stuck on a bridge.
Yeah.
Hawthorne bridge.
- Great.
- Uh, it's a very long line.
- You know that, right? - Really? Well, maybe maybe it's caught on.
Do you know an alternate way I can get to you? Maybe the Esplanade, the west side Esplanade around.
Is there an alternate route? He's on the Hawthorne bridge.
- Is it up? - Yeah.
There is no alternate route.
It means all the bridges are up.
Ai-yai-yai.
No, I think they're done with the construction on the Morrison.
So I think I can take that.
Oh! I have an idea.
Yeah, I know how I'm going to get around this.
All right, good.
We'll see you here.
- All right.
- Oh.
We're moving.
Hi.
What is this-- what is this for, Toni? This our store.
You're in the way of our store.
What are you all waiting for? This is a sacred storefront and a women's space.
We can't get in.
Look.
Our customers need a safe passage as do we.
This is no longer a safe space for women.
We're going to go in.
And we're going to come out in 20 minutes.
And I want you guys gone.
We are a peaceful organization.
But at this time, this makes me very warlike.
So help me God, I will jump from head to head using your skulls as stepping stones into the river that is the street.
And I'm going to take tea and take a sip of it and spit it into each and every one of your mouths.
Oh, it'll burn me.
But it'll burn you twice.
Burn me once with tea, shame on me.
Burn you twice in your own mouth, shame on everybody involved.
Okay, right this way to your table.
So here's my report.
There's a table of 4.
They're just chit-chatting.
There's a table of 2.
They've already paid.
I think you're about Whoo! Long line.
We got some food ready to go and tables open right here, folks.
We got the Triple Play.
We got the Cup of Joe, Side of Dough.
And we got the Early Morning Eye-Opener.
All 1.
99.
Actually Cup of Joe, Side of Dough is 99 cents today.
So We got a lot of tables.
You could get a refill right now of that coffee if you come on in.
You get free refills.
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry.
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
OK.
Hey! Hey, you're cutting! Hey! She's cutting! Boo! Can't see what's going on down there.
They're all--boo! I'm not cutting.
I was already in line.
Come on, love.
Come on.
- Aah! - Come on.
I'm not cutting.
Come on.
Let's go.
Thank you.
Peter! Peter! I don't even know - Please! Ow! - Come on! You're hurting my arm.
Come on! I just--I just want to go back to my husband.
Please.
Where am I? Your Excellency.
Uh! Um, hi.
I'm Nance.
Silence! I'm not exactly-- Silence! I'm not exactly sure why I'm here.
Silence.
Explain yourself.
Do you want me to be silent, or do you want me to explain myself? Explain yourself in a silent voice using words.
Well, I was in line with my husband Peter.
And he gets very, very indecisive about food and just kind of in general.
And so I started walking towards the car.
And it's--you know, it's a little chilly out.
And I just--I wanted to get my jacket.
Grabbed a jacket from the car.
A jacket! She wanted to get a jacket.
She wanted to get a jacket.
I mean-- It's a nice-- It's a nice-- I don't appreciate the-- Being how hot it is in here, why would you need a jacket? Well, I wasn't really expecting to end up here.
Silence! You cut the line! I-- You cut the line! Do you have any idea what kind of chaos would ensue were I to allow your transgression to go unpunished? Absolute anarchy.
Now I want to be in anarchy.
But we all have to be adults, don't we? Not psychotic children, cutting the line, chewing on human flesh-- bleed piggy, bleed! - Ahh! - I, uh-- Ahh! - I-- - No! I must punish you to save the children.
I want to save the children.
I donate every year.
Please.
- *.
- Yes, my lord.
The synthetics, please.
Aah! - party of four.
- Look, we're moving.
Oh, now the mayor's calling me.
Hello.
Hey, Carrie, the mayor.
It's taking me a little longer than I thought.
Listen, you don't know the Willamette River topography, do you well? Are you still on the Hawthorne bridge? Yeah.
I was on the Hawthorne bridge, and now I just passed under it.
Ahoy there! Would you know the brunch place on Deakam? Am I going in the right direction?! Hey, Mr.
Mayor, I don't know if maybe you could call the restaurant and drop your name.
I can't really do that, Carrie.
I--yeah-- I've never done that as a mayor before.
I really can't.
I don't know.
Just saying, like, you might need to pull some strings.
Would you shut up?! Make U-turn No! Sorry, Carrie, not you.
I'm talking to my Garmin-- OK.
I mean, just get here.
I see OMSI [Oregon Museum of Science and Industry.]
up ahead.
I think I'm going to be OK.
See you soon! OK.
See you soon.
OK.
That was really weird.
Oh, look! There's a submarine! Oh, I know where I am.
Yeah.
I can't find my wife.
She just Will you do me a favor? I got to look for Nance, my wife.
Can you just hold my spot? I'll be right back.
Sure.
Nance? Nance? Sorry.
I'm looking for my wife.
Nance, are you around? Nance? You didn't see a woman in here, did you? My wife? My wife? Hey! Trespasser! Trespasser! This is a riot! Get off our property! This is a protest! We're sorry that we had to do this.
But we asked you kindly.
Get out! Get off our property! Go! Go! I will silence your rebellion! I declare this space free of trespass.
Thank you.
Also, we're having a sale on some of our short stories.
It's going to be half off for the next hour or so.
So, please come in and look at them.
Goddess bless.
Have you seen my wife? This is Nance.
I can't find her.
She was in line with me.
This is her.
- Yeah, I have seen her.
- You have?! Where is she? It's a bad place.
You really don't want to go down there.
Why not? It's end of the line, south of Burnside.
SoBu.
Seem like nice people.
I just-- I'm just going through.
I don't mean any harm.
Is it a fee? I have money.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
That was very kind of you.
Hi.
Uh, I'm just going through there.
I'm just going through-- I'm looking for-- My wife is back there, I think.
Nance! Nance, it's Peter! What happened? Margaret, party of 2.
OK.
This is going to take forever.
We're never going to get there.
I'm starving.
It's going to take forever.
It goes a mile back.
Really? Crazy.
Will you text the mayor? - Yeah.
- Hey! Catch the show this weekend? Beef Garden? - Great show.
Great set.
- No.
- Missed it.
What are your names? Fred.
Carrie.
Oh, yeah.
We got your table ready.
You asked our name first? Fred and Carrie, right here.
Party of 2.
Let's go.
- Really? - Come with me.
Are you sure? We're, like, really far back in line.
No, you got a special table.
- Oh, we did? - We did? - Oh, yeah.
- OK.
I don't think this is Fisherman's Porch.
- Obviously.
- What is this? I guess it's a restaurant.
It also seems like a drug store.
- Totally.
- Let's just go.
Good morning! Let me tell you about our specials.
We got the Triple Play for 1.
99.
And we got the Cup of Joe, Side of Dough for 0.
99.
Oh, well, we actually made a mistake.
We meant to were supposed to meet someone-- That's great.
'Cause there's a 3-fer.
There's a 3-fer.
If you order something, a free meal, free beverage.
So, you can't beat a bargain like that.
That's very kind of you.
I just--I feel bad, 'cause we were supposed to meet them next door.
And we-- You want me to give them a ring? No, no, no.
You don't have to do that.
We have cell phones.
I don't want you to be charged.
I don't know how many minutes you got on your plan.
I could call them right now if that's the issue.
How about this? We promise we'll come back.
It seems like a cool place.
How about just a beverage or something right now? Bring you a cup of coffee or something? All right, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Cup of coffee.
Great.
Cup of coffee for you? We want brunch.
We want these Marionberry pancakes.
And I've got some blueberries I'm sure are still good in the basket.
I'll put some blueberries in.
You'll have some nice cakes.
I'll take one.
I'll have blueberry.
Fantastic! There is a difference in berries.
- You know that, right? - Yeah.
- That's fine.
- That's fine.
It just tastes sweet, that's all.
OK.
Why are you pouting? He's just trying to keep a business together.
You know what? You have daddy issues.
Some people don't like this.
So I got the good stuff for you right here.
This is a really good stuff.
Are those hand wipes? Yeah.
You can use one too.
There's some gum under the table.
I just remembered.
I'll get that for you.
OK.
I hope these people saved our place in line.
- Yeah, me too - OK.
Hurry.
Stacy, party of 3.
Nance! Nance! Nance, it's Peter.
You want your brunch before everyone else.
Little piggy, piggy! Well, here it is.
Your brunch.
And there's corn oils and some kind of preservatives all mixed together in some kind of chemical stew.
It's awful.
I just--I haven't eaten anything like that for years.
Well, I'm very sorry.
Feed her.
No, please.
Feed her her brunch.
- No! - Eat your brunch.
That's really--it's going to give me a stomach ache.
And I'm so excited for those pancakes.
Buh buh buh I mean--would-- I just want to go through.
I don't want to be too full.
I want to eat those pancakes.
Eat your brunch, Nance! I'll be a minute.
I just--that--I know her.
Peter, party of 2.
Our table.
We're up.
Move! Nance! Aah! Are you OK? What is this? What is this?! What are you doing? - Silence! - What? No.
- Silence.
- Why? - Silence.
- No.
No silence.
Loudness! Who do you think you are? Who do I think I am? I am Peter, party of 2.
They just announced our name.
We have a table.
And we're going to go get our table And we're going to eat brunch.
Because we waited in line.
He's the best.
Oh, excuse me.
One more thing.
What do you think you're going to have? You know, I'm kind of feeling the frittata.
I'm back to the pancakes.
I mean, I know everyone gets them.
But I'm a sucker.
The Marionberries are very, very good.
I hear, I've never been.
Great.
Well it was really great meeting you.
- Thanks.
- Enjoy! Go! Go! Go! Go! Peter, party of 2.
Peter, party of 2.
We have a table.
We're next.
Last call, Peter, party of 2.
That's our table.
We're never going to make it.
Peter, I'm so tired.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
Oh.
Should we try it? - Get on! - Let's go.
Coming.
We're coming.
We're coming.
Coming.
Please wait.
Please hold our table.
Is this really helping? Is this allowed even? Last time I moshed was Pearl Jam 1993.
We're on our way! Please hold our table! - Peter.
- Thank you.
Hello.
Hi.
Peter, party of 2.
Peter, party of 2.
Right this way.
My hero.
OK.
2 orders of Marionberry pancakes.
Enjoy.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
That was so good.
Those pancakes are unreal.
What happened to you today? I don't know.
Something just kind of took over.
Seeing you struggling like that I don't know.
I just couldn't be without you.
I just found myself.
Yeah, you did.
I kind of drank too many of those little glasses of orange juice, huh? You can drink as much as you want.
I ordered, like, 6.
You're a thirsty guy.
Yeah.
I've been told that a lot.
That's all we need to have a good time-- just me and you maybe a little bit of breakfast.
And juice.
Those green eyes.
You like 'em, don't you? Mmm.
Yeah.
Which one you like better? You know what? We are a party of 2.
Guess who's invited.
Me.
Am I invited? Let me think about it Uh yeah.
Uh Well, you know what? I'm RSVPing right now.
OK.
What are you saying? I'm saying yes.
I would love to come.
He just never showed up.
Oh well.
Let's just go somewhere else.
Hey! Hi! Fred, Carrie! - Hey.
- Hi.
You made it.
Thanks for waiting.
They just closed.
It's over.
- Huh? - They closed.
- What?! - Yeah.
- Here? - Yeah.
Oh, no.
This isn't the place.
- Oh, it-- - No! No! Our place is up there.
Hey, Ed! Table for 3! Hey, Mr.
Mayor! We'll be right there! You know that guy? Oh, yeah.
He's great! Oh, Cup of Joe, Side of Dough.
I'm so ready.
Hope you're hungry.
- Oh, yeah.
- All right.
Come on! It's really cheap.
I'll pay.
Even better!