Reaper s02e10 Episode Script
My Brother's Reaper
That is ridiculous.
I cannot get behind that.
Come on, Ben! Help me out here.
I'm sorry, man, i'm with Sock on this one.
I don't care.
I'm right on this.
It's not gay to bang a clone of yourself.
It is absolutely gay to bang a clone.
I thought we'd celebrate.
Right, Nina, yeah! A little pizza, a little bubbly, a little Suitcase.
- What are we celebrating? - Ben didn't tell you? I was just about to.
- Tell us what? - I'm moving in with you guys! Yeah, that'll be the day.
Wait, Sock, what's the problem? I don't like it Ben.
I don't like it one little bit.
Having a lady in the house opens the window to lady trouble.
Next thing you know, we'll all be on the same cycle! Sam, what do you think? You know, to be honest, Ben, I don't think it's such a good idea.
Are you uncomfortable because of that time that I kissed you? - What?! - What?! You kissed Nina? Damn, man.
- That was for you, Benji.
- Thank you! Baby, it wasn't his fault.
Actually, it was me.
I kissed him.
It was a long time ago, and I thought that there was something evil about him that I was extremely attracted to.
But now, I realize that he isn't remotely wicked.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I mean, look at him.
He's so white bread.
He's just bland, and he's Yes, he's blah.
- Exactly.
- I am not blah.
Baby, listen to me.
I've been doing a ton of work on myself, and I am proud to say now that I can control my urges.
I'm only just a little bit attracted to evil now.
- OK, I believe you.
Let's move past it.
- Really? It's been a while, but I get it.
You're a demon, and certain things are just in your nature.
You like to eat live animals, make out with my friends, and you hate wearing synthetic fabrics.
I like clothes that breathe.
OK, now that this is out, are we good? I mean, can Nina stay? - Yeah, sure, why not? - All right! Socky! Fine, whatever.
Pop the bubbly, let it flow.
Zhite bread? Definitely not white bread! Total bad-ass! Sam, this is all your fault! I had everything and you stole it for me! I never wanted it! This all you deserve! Who am I kidding? Man, I can't kill you.
I can't kill anybody.
I just never had the instinct.
It's all gone, Sam.
The cars, the clothes.
Last night I had to go on a date with an actress, Sam.
An actress! I can't even date models anymore! That's rough.
God! - You OK? - I just tweaked my ankle a little bit.
I'm sorry, man.
I should have never come here.
None of this was even your fault.
So what now? Where are you gonna go? I mean You have somewhere to stay a friend's place, right? Funny thing is about my friends, Sam, once my money disappeared, they did, too.
You wanna crash here? Don't you yank my chain right now, Sam, I am fragile.
Just until you get back on your feet.
Thanks, man.
- All right.
Can I get some help? - Yeah, yeah, sure, man.
Morgan! I just - I just needed a hand! - It's OK, man.
You're light.
Like a kitten! Man, this is gonna be so great! -= 210 =- " My Brother's Reaper " Sub VO : ¤Aka¤ Subs-Addicts" [Sub-way.
fr.]
So it's me and the countess on her plane, and by this point, - she's just wearing her Tiara.
- Filthy royals, I love it! Yeah, then she says to me, "haven't you ever been on a private plane before?" - What did you say? - I said, "no, countess, I never have.
" But you had been on one before, right? Yeah, I had.
The week before.
With her mom.
Morgan, you're so bad.
Dude, you can stay here as long as you want, man.
With you around, I'm bound to catch a little lady shrapnel.
I don't know, Sock.
Those days seemed to be long gone.
No, you have plenty of callous, sociopath tendencies left in you.
I can see these things.
I'm a demon.
Seriously? A full-blown demon? Would you like more cereal? Please.
Damn, Ben, I had no idea you were a pervert.
I mean, I can't say I blame you for going there.
I'd like to propose a dress code for the breakfast table.
T- shirts should accompany boxers.
Boxers should not be worn, unless under pants, regular, loose-fitting pants.
Shall we vote? Cart boy? - Nice ride! - Yeah, back at you.
What's with your leg? I was just messing around with the guys.
Good old-fashioned game of grab ass? I remember those days.
Lucky for you, I only have a little light duty for you.
Here you go.
I want you to deliver this puppy for me.
OK, go on, get in.
All right.
Yeah, baby! Now it's to go to Mr.
Gary Martin.
All the info's on the waybill.
Who is this guy? Just another weak schmoe who sold me his soul.
Yeah, the car's part of the bargain.
Now don't forget to get his signature before you give him the car.
Right, right.
This car have.
Seat warmers? Samuel, do you realize that we are holding the keys to a piece of art? And art, my friend, is meant to be shown, driven and made out in.
Just the man I was looking for.
Baby Stevie! She's getting so big! Guys, I have a bunch of returns and I can't find the receipts.
Could you, hook a demon brother up? - Yeah, what do we got? - Baby proofing supplies.
You aren't wearing any product in your hair! Are you OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
I just haven't been out of the house in days.
You know I've been so busy, and this little lady's been just wearing me down.
You know, why don't you get a sitter? Let's take you out.
I don't know.
I haven't done that yet.
No, you need some full on grown-up time.
Yeah, we will not take no for an answer, young man.
You know what OK, fine.
Fine, but I am buying the first round.
Yes.
Probably the second and the third, too.
All right, hey, thanks, guys.
- For everything.
- You got it.
Say bye-bye.
- Bye, cutie! - Excuse me, everyone.
- I have an announcement to make.
- This should be stunning.
Just, Scoot in.
Customers are allowed.
something special, nay, transcendent has happened to me, and I just have to shout it to the world.
Last night, i, Ted Gallagher, went on a date with a lovely angel named Linda.
And she has agreed to marry me, so Don't use the PA system.
Congratulations, Theodore! That is big! Seriously? You hear that, ladies?! Yeah! This guy's off the market, so hands off.
- You know what that means? - What? We gotta throw this guy a bachelor party.
- What? - Send you off in style.
A little booze, couple of naked ladies.
Let's get weird.
Yeah, I'd like that.
Let's do that, bert.
Thank you.
Sure thing, chumpalyfriend.
You want to throw a party for Ted? - Yeah, you hate Ted! - Like Rainy days and sundays, but I love bachelor parties.
And I am about to throw a bachelor party that's gonna slap all other bachelor parties in the face with its private parts.
This way, sir.
A Mr.
Oliver is here to see you, sir.
- What can I do you for? - I have your car.
That's very exciting news.
- I just need you to sign this.
- Let's have a looksie.
- Thank you, Benson, that'll be all.
- Thank you, sir.
- And Benson, one more thing.
- Yes, sir? Oh, my god! - It's a paintball gun.
- Why would you why Knock it off, Benson! You're supposed to be a gentleman's gentleman, ot a gentleman's wussy.
- It's little game we play.
He loves it.
- Right, yeah.
If you could just sign that.
- I'm not signing this.
- Why? - It's the deal for my soul.
- What?! - And I don't like being tricked.
- No, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
I honestly thought this was a delivery slip.
- I'd start running if I were you.
- Running? Why? I just called for Barry Manilow.
Did the devil give you Barry Manilow? Damn it! Hey, numb nuts.
You dropped something.
You're lucky this is just a sprain, Mr.
Oliver.
You should have come see me a day or two ago.
Looks like it's been aggravated.
Well, take a rest for about a week, and come back to see me.
Got it.
Thank you.
You are lucky you didn't break anything.
Has anyone ever told you you have the bone density of a canary? I thought you said this was going to be light duty.
The bear? Yeah, I should have given you a little head's up on that.
I did give him the damn thing after all.
Mea culpa.
Why didn't you tell me I was actually going to have this idiot - sign his soul over? - I was just trying to protect you, from yourself.
The minute you saw what was on that paper, you get all nervous and blow it.
Ignorance is bliss.
- Well, I know now.
- Well, that changes nothing.
I want that guy's John Hancock on that document.
I need the guarantee that only a signature can provide, all right? You know how verbal agreements hold up in court.
They fold like a dutch hooker.
He's no innocent.
You know, that guy is a douchebag.
You saw how he lives.
I own your soul, you got to live up to the bargain.
So why should that character just skate into the high life? Beep beep beep! Wait, take it easy! This equipment's expensive.
Nice robo-cast, by the way.
You finally went to the doctor.
Yeah, I really screwed it up after I was chased by a bear.
What?! A bear? Yeah.
One minute I'm dropping off a car for the devil, the next thing I know, - a bear! It's not funny.
- Come on.
- All right, maybe it's a little funny.
- I just wish I would have been there.
I really miss hanging with you guys.
I can't believe i'm about to say this, but I think I might prefer missions for the devil than this suck ass management job.
Well, we're about to go out there in a little bit.
You want to join? Who do I have to screw around here to change out my register? That's my life right now.
Next order of business Entertainment.
Right.
So I reached out to some folks at the clown college.
What? And they said that their first year students can work for cheap, and they're great at doing balloon animals.
However, they're very limited in their unicycle skills.
What are you talking about, clowns? It's a bachelor party, Ben! Well, key word there is party.
So when I think of party I think clowns.
Well, I disagree.
Keyword there is bachelor, all right? So go ahead and call the stripper college.
- Sock, trust me, clowns! - Ben, trust me, strippers.
I got it.
Stripper clowns! - That's gonna be.
- Oh, my god! I can't believe we just had a genius idea at the same time! It's like the reese's cup of party entertainment! You got your peanut butter in my chocolate.
- I'm swirling.
- Ted! Just the man we wanted to see.
You are not going to believe what we just invented for your bachelor party.
Forget about it.
The wedding's off.
- No, no, no! What'd you do?! - Nothing.
I went over to discuss flower arrangements, and it seems my fiancé had no idea that she was my fiancé.
Apparently she thought my proposal was some kind of joke.
- A sick, sarcastic, dark joke.
- Listen, know what we're going to do? We are still gonna have this party.
- I don't want to I don't think right.
- No, Ted, it's so right, OK? Listen, it's a bachelor party, right? You are a bachelor.
Hell, you are the bachelor! Know what I mean? You're probably going to be single for the rest of your life.
- Probably.
- Yeah, so let's celebrate that.
The world is your oyster, and a man with an oyster world deserves a party.
- You think so? - I know so.
- Now get away from me.
- OK.
I can't believe he almost ruined our party with his stupid wedding.
Some people can just be selfish! - Are you two on break? - Always.
How do you guys feel about doing some undercover work? I don't remember ordering Listen, sir, we just deliver the stuff, all right? I don't know why i'm doing this.
I like to keep my bear hungry.
- You guys know what I'm saying.
- Thank you.
I got you, Gary! That form you signed, the last page was your contract.
You thought you could screw me over? Take all this stuff and get away with it? I do, and I did.
- "Jim Fartington?" - It's called an alias.
What's up! You know what? I don't need your stupid signature, OK? Look at the way you're living your life.
Right now at this very moment, you're committing about a million sins.
Greed, gluttony, - sloth, pride.
- Littering! You're a terrible person, and you're going to end up in hell when you die! No, I'm not.
Because I got it all worked out.
I can get all this neat crap without signing.
I live it up, and then on my death bed, at the eleventh hour, I repent.
You can't just repent! - Can you? - That's what religion's all about, bro.
I'm sorry.
My bad, god.
He'd look like a total Jerk if he shut me out.
It's brilliant in its simplicity.
Thanks.
Now get the hell out of here before I bust out my bear.
He's hungry And horny.
What's going on?! Who ate all the cereal? - Guilty.
- Yeah, I can see that.
Listen, Morgan, there are rules in this society, OK? And rule number 6 is I like to enjoy a bowl of cereal while I catch up on my soaps during the din-din hour.
Everybody knows that, OK? I'm gonna let it slide, though, 'cause you're a good guy.
- You ever watch one life to live? - Can't say that I have.
Brother, you're in for a treat! Man, if you're gonna waste your life sitting on the sofa, you might as well do it with a little oltl you know what I mean? It's crazy train.
That's weird.
I had a whole week's worth of episodes saved on here.
I erased them.
ESPN classic was running a Marathon on the America's cup! - Man, I had to capture the memories.
- No! Morgan, you do not touch another man's DVR! - You might as well hump my grandma! - Easy, guy! It's just a soap opera! You shut your mouth! - Everything OK? - No.
Morgan erased my stories.
- What?! - Whatever.
- Cute running suit.
- Thank you.
I was talking to Nina.
No, seriously.
You look hot.
Thanks, Morgan.
Thank you.
You OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm gonna go take a shower.
That's not cool, Morgan.
You do not hit on Nina.
I love that girl.
Hey, man, listen.
I may not live by a lot of rules, but if there's one that I stick to, it's bros before hoes.
I would never do anything to get in between you and Nina.
- All right.
- OK, look.
Come on, Benji, i'll let you make me a sandwich.
Let's go.
Just like the way you like to.
Sorry.
The, the door was open.
It's all right.
Accidents happen, right? OK, did she cry and then spit up, or did she spit up and cry? What does the spit smell like? All right, if she does it again, just take a whiff and call me back.
All right, bye.
- Sorry, sorry.
- Is the baby OK? That was like your fifth call to check in.
She's fine.
I'm just being a stereotypical nervous parent.
So, what have you guys been up to? - How are things? - Well, not super.
I need to get this guy for the devil, but he keeps giving us the slip.
- So what was his scene before he died? - He hasn't died yet.
Wait-he's still alive? Yeah.
He sold his soul to the devil.
I gotta get him to sign his paperwork.
- No, no, no.
Sam, you can't do this.
- Yeah, no, I can, and I want to.
You don't know this guy.
Sam, sending escaped souls back to hell, that is one thing, but you don't want to be the one damning a mortal for an eternity of torment.
That's crossing a line that you just don't want to cross.
That is pure evil.
You'd be no different than the devil himself.
OK, now in all fairness to Samuel here, the guys is an enormous Dick.
No, he's right.
You're right.
You know, I guess I just got used to putting my head down and doing the job.
- I lost sight of the big picture.
- Well, that's why I'm here.
And I have to go.
Oh, my god, you are so baby whipped.
No, actually, I have some friends coming over.
You know what, why don't you guys, why don't you guys join me? - I think you can get a lot out of it.
- Sounds good.
Let's go.
- Is that jessie's girl? - That's my jam.
Wait until you see what we've got.
And now, a reading from one of Steve's favorite works, the between boyfriends book.
Don't you love it? All Steve, all the time.
What is all this? These chosen few are what's left of our failed rebellion against Satan.
But we're all on the path of Steve now.
You see, Sam, Steve was a demon who ascended to heaven.
That means that god is willing to forgive a multitude of sins and that there's a chance for us all.
You see, through him, through Steve, we've learned that we can regain the right to enter heaven again.
We're living his way, earning our wings one good deed at a time.
Steve anthology.
Nice.
If you ever feel like you're slipping in your fight against Satan, please use us a refuge.
We're here for you, Sam.
- Thank you.
- Goose pate, anyone? What are you doing here? I thought You were going to be out drinking too much.
What are you doing here? Following the "Path of Steve.
" What other secrets are you hiding from me? None, babe.
I swear.
I just didn't know how to explain this one to you.
And let's face it.
You can be a little bit judgy at times.
I'm sick of you hiding stuff from me.
You should be happy about this.
I'm doing it for you.
How's that? You make me want to be a better demon.
- Just no more secrets, OK? - No, no more secrets.
Steve's honor.
Hey, you.
How's it going? Honestly? Not great.
I have to fill out, like, 220 hr forms.
To fill out, and then I still have to correct an inventory Right, Yeah your life is in the crapper.
Listen, I needs me a little favor? As you may know, we've been planning a party for Ted.
Little bachelor party.
And in the midst of planning, we may have hit one or two little budget restraints.
- Yeah.
I'm not giving you any money.
- Andi, please! I don't want your money, all right? What I want is the work bench for one night, please.
- Absolutely not.
- Why not? Because it totally goes against company policy, and it violates about a bajillion codes.
Codes? Policy? Come here.
I want to show you something.
Listen.
Listen to me.
All right.
You see that big bag of sadness standing right there? That's what this party's about.
He's dead inside.
Sorry.
No party.
The conversion is complete? All hail Andi palpatine, dark lord of the work bench.
- I guess people are right about you.
- What does that mean? Nothing.
You know.
Just don't think people really like this new - Andi-thing you've become.
- That's crap.
- You know, people like me.
- They do? OK.
Tell me this, smarty-pants.
Where were you last week when the entire paint department went go-carting? - I didn't know that they went.
- Exactly.
Because no one told you because nobody likes you, boss lady.
- Throw your party.
- Yes.
Hot dog! Andi, I knew you'd come through.
You're going to become a legend for this.
A legend.
Ladies, we have discovered the fountain of youth.
Right here in this little vial, a purified protein that relaxes the muscles, smoothes the skin, eliminates the wrinkles.
Who would like to go first? - Phyllis? - Yeah! Come here, darling.
We'll continue on with the rest of you after I grab a quick snack.
Well, that was gross.
Vanity is one of my favorites.
Look how happy I make them, Sammy, injecting them with botulism.
You got some pretty nasty crows feet.
Want me to pump you up? No, I'm good.
Thank you.
- Did you get Gary to sign? - No.
No, and I'm never going to.
It's not my job to acquire souls, and I don't appreciate you setting me up to cross that line.
Well, you can't blame me for trying.
Still, you know, that Gary really chaps my ass.
I rarely ever do verbal agreements.
I just assumed you'd be able to close the deal on him.
I think he's a lost cause.
He has a plan to repent in the eleventh hour.
That old elenth hour chestnut? I love that one.
God's perfect loophole.
- Does that work? - Not if I get him in the tenth hour.
I guess maybe I'll just reel him in right now, while he's running around sinning like a nun at Mardi Gras, before he even thinks of repenting.
Wait, wait.
Hold on.
You can't just kill him, can you? I don't need to kill him myself.
I know it may be hard to believe but you know, I hang with a pretty rough crowd.
You know, I got a guy who literally kills for Madonna tickets? - All right.
- Thanks for the info, though.
Nice job buddy.
Don't you worry about Gary.
I'll take care of him.
Yeah, on the one hand, Gary is a turd.
If it's brown, flush'er down.
But if I don't warn him that the devil's going to have him killed, that makes me responsible.
I'd be an accomplice to his murder.
That's a lot for one man's conscience.
Why are we even doing this dance? We all know you're not going to sit back and watch this guy get killed.
That's not the game you play.
- He's right.
- So I guess i'll just, what, tell him that the devil's putting a hit on him? Exactly.
Sounds good to me.
Now, since we're already having a house meeting.
- We need to talk about your brother.
- Morgan's got to go.
Why? You guys love him.
We did love him until he ate everything in house and erased one life to live.
Seriously? I was, like, 5 episodes behind.
And I think he's gonna make a move on Nina.
She's a decent lady, Sam.
But she has her weaknesses.
And it's only a matter of time before she falls for those glorious pecs and glistening abs.
You need to nudge that little birdie out of the nest.
- We need to talk.
- You're kicking me out, right? I was listening to your meeting.
You really think I got a shot with Nina? Come on.
Forget Nina.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are? You are free of the devil! - You can do anything you want.
- Yeah.
What's that? That's something you got to figure out for yourself.
I mean.
That's what life's all about, finding something you want and going out and getting it.
The important part is - Going out.
- How am I going to do that? Look at me.
I'm useless without dad's backing.
Come on.
That's ridiculous.
You can do it because you're Morgan! You get stuff done.
You got focus, charm, good looks, a massive, massive ego.
You just, you got to find yourself a goal.
Something to reach for.
Easy for you to say, Sam.
You got everything you want.
- Hell, man.
You have everything I want.
- And if I could, i'd give it to you.
Look, Morgan, I got to go.
Find yourself a goal.
'cause you got to get out of here.
Enough, already.
The cat-and-mouse stuff was fun, but I'm tired of it.
Now leave before I send 1,000 volts from your eyeballs to your a-hole.
Listen.
I came to warn you.
The devil's not going to give up on your soul.
He knows about your eleventh hour plan, he's putting a hit out on you right now.
Oh, crap! Oh, crap! You better do your repenting thing now.
You might not have a lot of time.
About that.
How exactly does one repent? - You don't know? - Not really.
That was your whole thing.
Repent in the eleventh hour.
But that's when I thought the eleventh hour was decades away.
I figured I'd join a class or take up bible study.
I may know somebody who could help.
Cheer up, sad clown.
This forecast calls for rain.
You are a beautiful clown.
Oh, my gosh.
Could you? - What do you want? - A doggie.
- Nice balloon dog.
- What are you doing here? "New Andi" is here to make sure you don't burn the place down.
I'm sure she is.
"Old Andi" is here to laugh at stuff like that Time of my life! I love it! Come on in! This is the best time ever! Ted I love you.
You are never going to see something like that again.
That is a once-in-a-lifetime event right there.
Andi, boilermaker.
Let's do it Do it for "old Andi.
" Come on.
- Yeah, drop it in there.
- You know what? Screw it.
- Let's do it! - Come on, chug! Chug! Hey, wrong party, guy.
Didn't order any office strippers, sorry.
We're from the home office.
Who's in charge here? I am the master! Welcome to the work bench.
Can I help you? We received a call tonight about a party here from mister Ted Gallagher? Hey, guys.
Thanks for coming.
Ted? Why, after all the stuff we did for you.
And I appreciate it.
This is the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me.
But rules are rules, and this tiger doesn't change his stripes for nobody.
Miss prendergast, can we speak to you for a moment? That's That's a shame.
- Such wasted talent.
- Run.
- Sorry? - Run! Ted! Where is everybody? The boys went to a bachelor party.
Why would Ben leave you behind for a bachelor party? It's OK.
I trust Ben.
He's a good guy.
Not like you.
You're a bad boy, aren't you? - You have no idea.
- I think I can imagine.
I've always wanted to be with a demon.
I shouldn't.
Why not? I'm Trying to break this cycle that I'm in of Going after evil guys like you.
Yeah, but I'm not even really a bad boy.
- You said you were.
- That was just to get you in bed.
I don't know.
What do I have to do to prove it to you? You could Go to my prayer meeting with me tonight.
Religion.
Sounds kinky.
I'll go get my coat.
So you see, Gary, praying is great.
Never hurts to communicate.
But if you want to get into heaven, it's about more than words.
It's about the path of Steve.
And that path is paved through action, Gary.
Good deeds.
I see.
That is the dumbest load of crap that I've ever heard.
The path of Steve? Good lord! Tony's right, Gary.
There's still hope.
There's time to seek redemption.
Listen to Tony.
How are you guys doing that? - Doing what? - That.
- What are you talking about? - The guy on the Tv.
He's talking to me.
- They can't see me, Gary.
- This isn't funny.
Don't mock us.
I know how to make him believe you.
Kiss him.
It's OK.
Go ahead.
But when you do, make sure you give him one of these.
He's telling me to do this.
Well, he's definitely getting pointers from Steve.
- You can tell by that? - Well, he did the double butt grab.
That's Steve's signature move.
- What does Steve want? - I need you to warn Sam.
He's telling me to warn you.
- Warn me about what? - Probably me.
You should be really proud of yourself, Sam.
You gave me some good advice.
I mean, I have a goal now.
Not to mention - I found my killer instinct.
- Where did you get a gun? - I'm always strapped, honey.
- Morgan, what are you doing? Taking your advice.
Taking charge.
I want to be back on dad's good side, and I'm going to do that by getting rid of you, and then, I'm going to turn in these traitors and be rewarded.
Thanks for the pep talk.
That's unfortunate.
I just had this carpet cleaned.
Just watch the doorway.
Great.
Heavy? Thank you.
- Sorry about the mess.
- What are you going to do? I can't believe that just happened.
I can't believe you killed Morgan.
We had to do it, Sam.
We're required to hunt the devil's offspring and destroy them in order to prevent Armageddon.
Sorry.
I just couldn't tell anyone.
Yeah, but what about me? I'm the son of the devil.
You're different.
You have your own destiny.
Steve told me that, too.
How am I different? What else did he say? Nothing.
Everything.
I can't explain.
I heard his thoughts, I felt his presence.
I've never experienced anything like that before.
I have to go.
- I have to give it all away.
- Give what away? I'm shedding all my material possessions and helping those who need it.
Don't worry.
I won't tell anyone about the murder that occurred here tonight.
Well, look who's together.
- Ben, come on.
It's not like that.
- I know.
I trust you.
You're not like Morgan.
Nina, I don't know what I'd do if you were with that guy.
No.
What did you do? And I want the truth.
I I'm gonna go get something to eat.
I sort of Acted like I would have sex with Morgan so he would come with me to Tony's house so I could kill him.
I'm still assigned to kill the offspring of the devil, like I tried to do with Sam.
- So all that flirting was - Was just me setting a trap.
You're a demon assassin.
You're just a demon assassin! A faithful, not-cheating-on-me assassin.
Give me some sugar, baby.
Don't mind me.
Just looking for this right here.
Did you bring home a stripper clown? Let's try it again with the nose off.
Where is our lovely host? Young lady? Could you get your mother Phyllis for me? You.
What could I possibly do to improve on this look? Bigger lips! They are a bit flat.
Here, take this.
Why don't you practice on each other? What gives, Sammy? It seems that Gary has turned down my deal, and he's driving his bear to the shambala wildlife preserve tonight.
Really? &He's planning to help Tippi hedren care for her wild animals.
- Well, good for him.
- Don't be coy with me.
I think you know something about this.
I had to call off his hit when he took the martyred highway straight to heaven.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't stand by and let someone die.
You mean like watching as a man, a brother, is ripped apart by demons? - You know anything about that? - I didn't do it.
Fratricide, Sammy? You constantly amaze me, man.
Morgan is being tortured in hell right now.
Keeps calling out your name.
I just hope ol'Morgan doesn't figure out a way to escape from hell, for your sake.
I don't think he's your biggest fan right now.
Well, where were we, ladies? Jeez! Good one.
- That was a solid double.
- Thank you.
I'm a little wet.
OK, so let me get this straight.
Steve possessed this guy, and then he told you that you're different than the other sons of the devil? He wasn't possessed.
He was speaking to him on a karaoke DVD.
That makes much more sense.
Right.
- You know, different is good, right? - Different is definitely good.
Right.
So You got demoted? Yeah.
I'm not even allowed to work the registers.
- I can't believe Ted.
- It's OK, actually.
You know, I was sick of all the stress.
You know? And now, I have more time to do other stuff.
Like this.
I missed this.
Me, too.
Things almost feel like they're back to normal.
I know! Close enough for now, right? Team Subs-Addicts"
I cannot get behind that.
Come on, Ben! Help me out here.
I'm sorry, man, i'm with Sock on this one.
I don't care.
I'm right on this.
It's not gay to bang a clone of yourself.
It is absolutely gay to bang a clone.
I thought we'd celebrate.
Right, Nina, yeah! A little pizza, a little bubbly, a little Suitcase.
- What are we celebrating? - Ben didn't tell you? I was just about to.
- Tell us what? - I'm moving in with you guys! Yeah, that'll be the day.
Wait, Sock, what's the problem? I don't like it Ben.
I don't like it one little bit.
Having a lady in the house opens the window to lady trouble.
Next thing you know, we'll all be on the same cycle! Sam, what do you think? You know, to be honest, Ben, I don't think it's such a good idea.
Are you uncomfortable because of that time that I kissed you? - What?! - What?! You kissed Nina? Damn, man.
- That was for you, Benji.
- Thank you! Baby, it wasn't his fault.
Actually, it was me.
I kissed him.
It was a long time ago, and I thought that there was something evil about him that I was extremely attracted to.
But now, I realize that he isn't remotely wicked.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I mean, look at him.
He's so white bread.
He's just bland, and he's Yes, he's blah.
- Exactly.
- I am not blah.
Baby, listen to me.
I've been doing a ton of work on myself, and I am proud to say now that I can control my urges.
I'm only just a little bit attracted to evil now.
- OK, I believe you.
Let's move past it.
- Really? It's been a while, but I get it.
You're a demon, and certain things are just in your nature.
You like to eat live animals, make out with my friends, and you hate wearing synthetic fabrics.
I like clothes that breathe.
OK, now that this is out, are we good? I mean, can Nina stay? - Yeah, sure, why not? - All right! Socky! Fine, whatever.
Pop the bubbly, let it flow.
Zhite bread? Definitely not white bread! Total bad-ass! Sam, this is all your fault! I had everything and you stole it for me! I never wanted it! This all you deserve! Who am I kidding? Man, I can't kill you.
I can't kill anybody.
I just never had the instinct.
It's all gone, Sam.
The cars, the clothes.
Last night I had to go on a date with an actress, Sam.
An actress! I can't even date models anymore! That's rough.
God! - You OK? - I just tweaked my ankle a little bit.
I'm sorry, man.
I should have never come here.
None of this was even your fault.
So what now? Where are you gonna go? I mean You have somewhere to stay a friend's place, right? Funny thing is about my friends, Sam, once my money disappeared, they did, too.
You wanna crash here? Don't you yank my chain right now, Sam, I am fragile.
Just until you get back on your feet.
Thanks, man.
- All right.
Can I get some help? - Yeah, yeah, sure, man.
Morgan! I just - I just needed a hand! - It's OK, man.
You're light.
Like a kitten! Man, this is gonna be so great! -= 210 =- " My Brother's Reaper " Sub VO : ¤Aka¤ Subs-Addicts" [Sub-way.
fr.]
So it's me and the countess on her plane, and by this point, - she's just wearing her Tiara.
- Filthy royals, I love it! Yeah, then she says to me, "haven't you ever been on a private plane before?" - What did you say? - I said, "no, countess, I never have.
" But you had been on one before, right? Yeah, I had.
The week before.
With her mom.
Morgan, you're so bad.
Dude, you can stay here as long as you want, man.
With you around, I'm bound to catch a little lady shrapnel.
I don't know, Sock.
Those days seemed to be long gone.
No, you have plenty of callous, sociopath tendencies left in you.
I can see these things.
I'm a demon.
Seriously? A full-blown demon? Would you like more cereal? Please.
Damn, Ben, I had no idea you were a pervert.
I mean, I can't say I blame you for going there.
I'd like to propose a dress code for the breakfast table.
T- shirts should accompany boxers.
Boxers should not be worn, unless under pants, regular, loose-fitting pants.
Shall we vote? Cart boy? - Nice ride! - Yeah, back at you.
What's with your leg? I was just messing around with the guys.
Good old-fashioned game of grab ass? I remember those days.
Lucky for you, I only have a little light duty for you.
Here you go.
I want you to deliver this puppy for me.
OK, go on, get in.
All right.
Yeah, baby! Now it's to go to Mr.
Gary Martin.
All the info's on the waybill.
Who is this guy? Just another weak schmoe who sold me his soul.
Yeah, the car's part of the bargain.
Now don't forget to get his signature before you give him the car.
Right, right.
This car have.
Seat warmers? Samuel, do you realize that we are holding the keys to a piece of art? And art, my friend, is meant to be shown, driven and made out in.
Just the man I was looking for.
Baby Stevie! She's getting so big! Guys, I have a bunch of returns and I can't find the receipts.
Could you, hook a demon brother up? - Yeah, what do we got? - Baby proofing supplies.
You aren't wearing any product in your hair! Are you OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
I just haven't been out of the house in days.
You know I've been so busy, and this little lady's been just wearing me down.
You know, why don't you get a sitter? Let's take you out.
I don't know.
I haven't done that yet.
No, you need some full on grown-up time.
Yeah, we will not take no for an answer, young man.
You know what OK, fine.
Fine, but I am buying the first round.
Yes.
Probably the second and the third, too.
All right, hey, thanks, guys.
- For everything.
- You got it.
Say bye-bye.
- Bye, cutie! - Excuse me, everyone.
- I have an announcement to make.
- This should be stunning.
Just, Scoot in.
Customers are allowed.
something special, nay, transcendent has happened to me, and I just have to shout it to the world.
Last night, i, Ted Gallagher, went on a date with a lovely angel named Linda.
And she has agreed to marry me, so Don't use the PA system.
Congratulations, Theodore! That is big! Seriously? You hear that, ladies?! Yeah! This guy's off the market, so hands off.
- You know what that means? - What? We gotta throw this guy a bachelor party.
- What? - Send you off in style.
A little booze, couple of naked ladies.
Let's get weird.
Yeah, I'd like that.
Let's do that, bert.
Thank you.
Sure thing, chumpalyfriend.
You want to throw a party for Ted? - Yeah, you hate Ted! - Like Rainy days and sundays, but I love bachelor parties.
And I am about to throw a bachelor party that's gonna slap all other bachelor parties in the face with its private parts.
This way, sir.
A Mr.
Oliver is here to see you, sir.
- What can I do you for? - I have your car.
That's very exciting news.
- I just need you to sign this.
- Let's have a looksie.
- Thank you, Benson, that'll be all.
- Thank you, sir.
- And Benson, one more thing.
- Yes, sir? Oh, my god! - It's a paintball gun.
- Why would you why Knock it off, Benson! You're supposed to be a gentleman's gentleman, ot a gentleman's wussy.
- It's little game we play.
He loves it.
- Right, yeah.
If you could just sign that.
- I'm not signing this.
- Why? - It's the deal for my soul.
- What?! - And I don't like being tricked.
- No, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
I honestly thought this was a delivery slip.
- I'd start running if I were you.
- Running? Why? I just called for Barry Manilow.
Did the devil give you Barry Manilow? Damn it! Hey, numb nuts.
You dropped something.
You're lucky this is just a sprain, Mr.
Oliver.
You should have come see me a day or two ago.
Looks like it's been aggravated.
Well, take a rest for about a week, and come back to see me.
Got it.
Thank you.
You are lucky you didn't break anything.
Has anyone ever told you you have the bone density of a canary? I thought you said this was going to be light duty.
The bear? Yeah, I should have given you a little head's up on that.
I did give him the damn thing after all.
Mea culpa.
Why didn't you tell me I was actually going to have this idiot - sign his soul over? - I was just trying to protect you, from yourself.
The minute you saw what was on that paper, you get all nervous and blow it.
Ignorance is bliss.
- Well, I know now.
- Well, that changes nothing.
I want that guy's John Hancock on that document.
I need the guarantee that only a signature can provide, all right? You know how verbal agreements hold up in court.
They fold like a dutch hooker.
He's no innocent.
You know, that guy is a douchebag.
You saw how he lives.
I own your soul, you got to live up to the bargain.
So why should that character just skate into the high life? Beep beep beep! Wait, take it easy! This equipment's expensive.
Nice robo-cast, by the way.
You finally went to the doctor.
Yeah, I really screwed it up after I was chased by a bear.
What?! A bear? Yeah.
One minute I'm dropping off a car for the devil, the next thing I know, - a bear! It's not funny.
- Come on.
- All right, maybe it's a little funny.
- I just wish I would have been there.
I really miss hanging with you guys.
I can't believe i'm about to say this, but I think I might prefer missions for the devil than this suck ass management job.
Well, we're about to go out there in a little bit.
You want to join? Who do I have to screw around here to change out my register? That's my life right now.
Next order of business Entertainment.
Right.
So I reached out to some folks at the clown college.
What? And they said that their first year students can work for cheap, and they're great at doing balloon animals.
However, they're very limited in their unicycle skills.
What are you talking about, clowns? It's a bachelor party, Ben! Well, key word there is party.
So when I think of party I think clowns.
Well, I disagree.
Keyword there is bachelor, all right? So go ahead and call the stripper college.
- Sock, trust me, clowns! - Ben, trust me, strippers.
I got it.
Stripper clowns! - That's gonna be.
- Oh, my god! I can't believe we just had a genius idea at the same time! It's like the reese's cup of party entertainment! You got your peanut butter in my chocolate.
- I'm swirling.
- Ted! Just the man we wanted to see.
You are not going to believe what we just invented for your bachelor party.
Forget about it.
The wedding's off.
- No, no, no! What'd you do?! - Nothing.
I went over to discuss flower arrangements, and it seems my fiancé had no idea that she was my fiancé.
Apparently she thought my proposal was some kind of joke.
- A sick, sarcastic, dark joke.
- Listen, know what we're going to do? We are still gonna have this party.
- I don't want to I don't think right.
- No, Ted, it's so right, OK? Listen, it's a bachelor party, right? You are a bachelor.
Hell, you are the bachelor! Know what I mean? You're probably going to be single for the rest of your life.
- Probably.
- Yeah, so let's celebrate that.
The world is your oyster, and a man with an oyster world deserves a party.
- You think so? - I know so.
- Now get away from me.
- OK.
I can't believe he almost ruined our party with his stupid wedding.
Some people can just be selfish! - Are you two on break? - Always.
How do you guys feel about doing some undercover work? I don't remember ordering Listen, sir, we just deliver the stuff, all right? I don't know why i'm doing this.
I like to keep my bear hungry.
- You guys know what I'm saying.
- Thank you.
I got you, Gary! That form you signed, the last page was your contract.
You thought you could screw me over? Take all this stuff and get away with it? I do, and I did.
- "Jim Fartington?" - It's called an alias.
What's up! You know what? I don't need your stupid signature, OK? Look at the way you're living your life.
Right now at this very moment, you're committing about a million sins.
Greed, gluttony, - sloth, pride.
- Littering! You're a terrible person, and you're going to end up in hell when you die! No, I'm not.
Because I got it all worked out.
I can get all this neat crap without signing.
I live it up, and then on my death bed, at the eleventh hour, I repent.
You can't just repent! - Can you? - That's what religion's all about, bro.
I'm sorry.
My bad, god.
He'd look like a total Jerk if he shut me out.
It's brilliant in its simplicity.
Thanks.
Now get the hell out of here before I bust out my bear.
He's hungry And horny.
What's going on?! Who ate all the cereal? - Guilty.
- Yeah, I can see that.
Listen, Morgan, there are rules in this society, OK? And rule number 6 is I like to enjoy a bowl of cereal while I catch up on my soaps during the din-din hour.
Everybody knows that, OK? I'm gonna let it slide, though, 'cause you're a good guy.
- You ever watch one life to live? - Can't say that I have.
Brother, you're in for a treat! Man, if you're gonna waste your life sitting on the sofa, you might as well do it with a little oltl you know what I mean? It's crazy train.
That's weird.
I had a whole week's worth of episodes saved on here.
I erased them.
ESPN classic was running a Marathon on the America's cup! - Man, I had to capture the memories.
- No! Morgan, you do not touch another man's DVR! - You might as well hump my grandma! - Easy, guy! It's just a soap opera! You shut your mouth! - Everything OK? - No.
Morgan erased my stories.
- What?! - Whatever.
- Cute running suit.
- Thank you.
I was talking to Nina.
No, seriously.
You look hot.
Thanks, Morgan.
Thank you.
You OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm gonna go take a shower.
That's not cool, Morgan.
You do not hit on Nina.
I love that girl.
Hey, man, listen.
I may not live by a lot of rules, but if there's one that I stick to, it's bros before hoes.
I would never do anything to get in between you and Nina.
- All right.
- OK, look.
Come on, Benji, i'll let you make me a sandwich.
Let's go.
Just like the way you like to.
Sorry.
The, the door was open.
It's all right.
Accidents happen, right? OK, did she cry and then spit up, or did she spit up and cry? What does the spit smell like? All right, if she does it again, just take a whiff and call me back.
All right, bye.
- Sorry, sorry.
- Is the baby OK? That was like your fifth call to check in.
She's fine.
I'm just being a stereotypical nervous parent.
So, what have you guys been up to? - How are things? - Well, not super.
I need to get this guy for the devil, but he keeps giving us the slip.
- So what was his scene before he died? - He hasn't died yet.
Wait-he's still alive? Yeah.
He sold his soul to the devil.
I gotta get him to sign his paperwork.
- No, no, no.
Sam, you can't do this.
- Yeah, no, I can, and I want to.
You don't know this guy.
Sam, sending escaped souls back to hell, that is one thing, but you don't want to be the one damning a mortal for an eternity of torment.
That's crossing a line that you just don't want to cross.
That is pure evil.
You'd be no different than the devil himself.
OK, now in all fairness to Samuel here, the guys is an enormous Dick.
No, he's right.
You're right.
You know, I guess I just got used to putting my head down and doing the job.
- I lost sight of the big picture.
- Well, that's why I'm here.
And I have to go.
Oh, my god, you are so baby whipped.
No, actually, I have some friends coming over.
You know what, why don't you guys, why don't you guys join me? - I think you can get a lot out of it.
- Sounds good.
Let's go.
- Is that jessie's girl? - That's my jam.
Wait until you see what we've got.
And now, a reading from one of Steve's favorite works, the between boyfriends book.
Don't you love it? All Steve, all the time.
What is all this? These chosen few are what's left of our failed rebellion against Satan.
But we're all on the path of Steve now.
You see, Sam, Steve was a demon who ascended to heaven.
That means that god is willing to forgive a multitude of sins and that there's a chance for us all.
You see, through him, through Steve, we've learned that we can regain the right to enter heaven again.
We're living his way, earning our wings one good deed at a time.
Steve anthology.
Nice.
If you ever feel like you're slipping in your fight against Satan, please use us a refuge.
We're here for you, Sam.
- Thank you.
- Goose pate, anyone? What are you doing here? I thought You were going to be out drinking too much.
What are you doing here? Following the "Path of Steve.
" What other secrets are you hiding from me? None, babe.
I swear.
I just didn't know how to explain this one to you.
And let's face it.
You can be a little bit judgy at times.
I'm sick of you hiding stuff from me.
You should be happy about this.
I'm doing it for you.
How's that? You make me want to be a better demon.
- Just no more secrets, OK? - No, no more secrets.
Steve's honor.
Hey, you.
How's it going? Honestly? Not great.
I have to fill out, like, 220 hr forms.
To fill out, and then I still have to correct an inventory Right, Yeah your life is in the crapper.
Listen, I needs me a little favor? As you may know, we've been planning a party for Ted.
Little bachelor party.
And in the midst of planning, we may have hit one or two little budget restraints.
- Yeah.
I'm not giving you any money.
- Andi, please! I don't want your money, all right? What I want is the work bench for one night, please.
- Absolutely not.
- Why not? Because it totally goes against company policy, and it violates about a bajillion codes.
Codes? Policy? Come here.
I want to show you something.
Listen.
Listen to me.
All right.
You see that big bag of sadness standing right there? That's what this party's about.
He's dead inside.
Sorry.
No party.
The conversion is complete? All hail Andi palpatine, dark lord of the work bench.
- I guess people are right about you.
- What does that mean? Nothing.
You know.
Just don't think people really like this new - Andi-thing you've become.
- That's crap.
- You know, people like me.
- They do? OK.
Tell me this, smarty-pants.
Where were you last week when the entire paint department went go-carting? - I didn't know that they went.
- Exactly.
Because no one told you because nobody likes you, boss lady.
- Throw your party.
- Yes.
Hot dog! Andi, I knew you'd come through.
You're going to become a legend for this.
A legend.
Ladies, we have discovered the fountain of youth.
Right here in this little vial, a purified protein that relaxes the muscles, smoothes the skin, eliminates the wrinkles.
Who would like to go first? - Phyllis? - Yeah! Come here, darling.
We'll continue on with the rest of you after I grab a quick snack.
Well, that was gross.
Vanity is one of my favorites.
Look how happy I make them, Sammy, injecting them with botulism.
You got some pretty nasty crows feet.
Want me to pump you up? No, I'm good.
Thank you.
- Did you get Gary to sign? - No.
No, and I'm never going to.
It's not my job to acquire souls, and I don't appreciate you setting me up to cross that line.
Well, you can't blame me for trying.
Still, you know, that Gary really chaps my ass.
I rarely ever do verbal agreements.
I just assumed you'd be able to close the deal on him.
I think he's a lost cause.
He has a plan to repent in the eleventh hour.
That old elenth hour chestnut? I love that one.
God's perfect loophole.
- Does that work? - Not if I get him in the tenth hour.
I guess maybe I'll just reel him in right now, while he's running around sinning like a nun at Mardi Gras, before he even thinks of repenting.
Wait, wait.
Hold on.
You can't just kill him, can you? I don't need to kill him myself.
I know it may be hard to believe but you know, I hang with a pretty rough crowd.
You know, I got a guy who literally kills for Madonna tickets? - All right.
- Thanks for the info, though.
Nice job buddy.
Don't you worry about Gary.
I'll take care of him.
Yeah, on the one hand, Gary is a turd.
If it's brown, flush'er down.
But if I don't warn him that the devil's going to have him killed, that makes me responsible.
I'd be an accomplice to his murder.
That's a lot for one man's conscience.
Why are we even doing this dance? We all know you're not going to sit back and watch this guy get killed.
That's not the game you play.
- He's right.
- So I guess i'll just, what, tell him that the devil's putting a hit on him? Exactly.
Sounds good to me.
Now, since we're already having a house meeting.
- We need to talk about your brother.
- Morgan's got to go.
Why? You guys love him.
We did love him until he ate everything in house and erased one life to live.
Seriously? I was, like, 5 episodes behind.
And I think he's gonna make a move on Nina.
She's a decent lady, Sam.
But she has her weaknesses.
And it's only a matter of time before she falls for those glorious pecs and glistening abs.
You need to nudge that little birdie out of the nest.
- We need to talk.
- You're kicking me out, right? I was listening to your meeting.
You really think I got a shot with Nina? Come on.
Forget Nina.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are? You are free of the devil! - You can do anything you want.
- Yeah.
What's that? That's something you got to figure out for yourself.
I mean.
That's what life's all about, finding something you want and going out and getting it.
The important part is - Going out.
- How am I going to do that? Look at me.
I'm useless without dad's backing.
Come on.
That's ridiculous.
You can do it because you're Morgan! You get stuff done.
You got focus, charm, good looks, a massive, massive ego.
You just, you got to find yourself a goal.
Something to reach for.
Easy for you to say, Sam.
You got everything you want.
- Hell, man.
You have everything I want.
- And if I could, i'd give it to you.
Look, Morgan, I got to go.
Find yourself a goal.
'cause you got to get out of here.
Enough, already.
The cat-and-mouse stuff was fun, but I'm tired of it.
Now leave before I send 1,000 volts from your eyeballs to your a-hole.
Listen.
I came to warn you.
The devil's not going to give up on your soul.
He knows about your eleventh hour plan, he's putting a hit out on you right now.
Oh, crap! Oh, crap! You better do your repenting thing now.
You might not have a lot of time.
About that.
How exactly does one repent? - You don't know? - Not really.
That was your whole thing.
Repent in the eleventh hour.
But that's when I thought the eleventh hour was decades away.
I figured I'd join a class or take up bible study.
I may know somebody who could help.
Cheer up, sad clown.
This forecast calls for rain.
You are a beautiful clown.
Oh, my gosh.
Could you? - What do you want? - A doggie.
- Nice balloon dog.
- What are you doing here? "New Andi" is here to make sure you don't burn the place down.
I'm sure she is.
"Old Andi" is here to laugh at stuff like that Time of my life! I love it! Come on in! This is the best time ever! Ted I love you.
You are never going to see something like that again.
That is a once-in-a-lifetime event right there.
Andi, boilermaker.
Let's do it Do it for "old Andi.
" Come on.
- Yeah, drop it in there.
- You know what? Screw it.
- Let's do it! - Come on, chug! Chug! Hey, wrong party, guy.
Didn't order any office strippers, sorry.
We're from the home office.
Who's in charge here? I am the master! Welcome to the work bench.
Can I help you? We received a call tonight about a party here from mister Ted Gallagher? Hey, guys.
Thanks for coming.
Ted? Why, after all the stuff we did for you.
And I appreciate it.
This is the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me.
But rules are rules, and this tiger doesn't change his stripes for nobody.
Miss prendergast, can we speak to you for a moment? That's That's a shame.
- Such wasted talent.
- Run.
- Sorry? - Run! Ted! Where is everybody? The boys went to a bachelor party.
Why would Ben leave you behind for a bachelor party? It's OK.
I trust Ben.
He's a good guy.
Not like you.
You're a bad boy, aren't you? - You have no idea.
- I think I can imagine.
I've always wanted to be with a demon.
I shouldn't.
Why not? I'm Trying to break this cycle that I'm in of Going after evil guys like you.
Yeah, but I'm not even really a bad boy.
- You said you were.
- That was just to get you in bed.
I don't know.
What do I have to do to prove it to you? You could Go to my prayer meeting with me tonight.
Religion.
Sounds kinky.
I'll go get my coat.
So you see, Gary, praying is great.
Never hurts to communicate.
But if you want to get into heaven, it's about more than words.
It's about the path of Steve.
And that path is paved through action, Gary.
Good deeds.
I see.
That is the dumbest load of crap that I've ever heard.
The path of Steve? Good lord! Tony's right, Gary.
There's still hope.
There's time to seek redemption.
Listen to Tony.
How are you guys doing that? - Doing what? - That.
- What are you talking about? - The guy on the Tv.
He's talking to me.
- They can't see me, Gary.
- This isn't funny.
Don't mock us.
I know how to make him believe you.
Kiss him.
It's OK.
Go ahead.
But when you do, make sure you give him one of these.
He's telling me to do this.
Well, he's definitely getting pointers from Steve.
- You can tell by that? - Well, he did the double butt grab.
That's Steve's signature move.
- What does Steve want? - I need you to warn Sam.
He's telling me to warn you.
- Warn me about what? - Probably me.
You should be really proud of yourself, Sam.
You gave me some good advice.
I mean, I have a goal now.
Not to mention - I found my killer instinct.
- Where did you get a gun? - I'm always strapped, honey.
- Morgan, what are you doing? Taking your advice.
Taking charge.
I want to be back on dad's good side, and I'm going to do that by getting rid of you, and then, I'm going to turn in these traitors and be rewarded.
Thanks for the pep talk.
That's unfortunate.
I just had this carpet cleaned.
Just watch the doorway.
Great.
Heavy? Thank you.
- Sorry about the mess.
- What are you going to do? I can't believe that just happened.
I can't believe you killed Morgan.
We had to do it, Sam.
We're required to hunt the devil's offspring and destroy them in order to prevent Armageddon.
Sorry.
I just couldn't tell anyone.
Yeah, but what about me? I'm the son of the devil.
You're different.
You have your own destiny.
Steve told me that, too.
How am I different? What else did he say? Nothing.
Everything.
I can't explain.
I heard his thoughts, I felt his presence.
I've never experienced anything like that before.
I have to go.
- I have to give it all away.
- Give what away? I'm shedding all my material possessions and helping those who need it.
Don't worry.
I won't tell anyone about the murder that occurred here tonight.
Well, look who's together.
- Ben, come on.
It's not like that.
- I know.
I trust you.
You're not like Morgan.
Nina, I don't know what I'd do if you were with that guy.
No.
What did you do? And I want the truth.
I I'm gonna go get something to eat.
I sort of Acted like I would have sex with Morgan so he would come with me to Tony's house so I could kill him.
I'm still assigned to kill the offspring of the devil, like I tried to do with Sam.
- So all that flirting was - Was just me setting a trap.
You're a demon assassin.
You're just a demon assassin! A faithful, not-cheating-on-me assassin.
Give me some sugar, baby.
Don't mind me.
Just looking for this right here.
Did you bring home a stripper clown? Let's try it again with the nose off.
Where is our lovely host? Young lady? Could you get your mother Phyllis for me? You.
What could I possibly do to improve on this look? Bigger lips! They are a bit flat.
Here, take this.
Why don't you practice on each other? What gives, Sammy? It seems that Gary has turned down my deal, and he's driving his bear to the shambala wildlife preserve tonight.
Really? &He's planning to help Tippi hedren care for her wild animals.
- Well, good for him.
- Don't be coy with me.
I think you know something about this.
I had to call off his hit when he took the martyred highway straight to heaven.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't stand by and let someone die.
You mean like watching as a man, a brother, is ripped apart by demons? - You know anything about that? - I didn't do it.
Fratricide, Sammy? You constantly amaze me, man.
Morgan is being tortured in hell right now.
Keeps calling out your name.
I just hope ol'Morgan doesn't figure out a way to escape from hell, for your sake.
I don't think he's your biggest fan right now.
Well, where were we, ladies? Jeez! Good one.
- That was a solid double.
- Thank you.
I'm a little wet.
OK, so let me get this straight.
Steve possessed this guy, and then he told you that you're different than the other sons of the devil? He wasn't possessed.
He was speaking to him on a karaoke DVD.
That makes much more sense.
Right.
- You know, different is good, right? - Different is definitely good.
Right.
So You got demoted? Yeah.
I'm not even allowed to work the registers.
- I can't believe Ted.
- It's OK, actually.
You know, I was sick of all the stress.
You know? And now, I have more time to do other stuff.
Like this.
I missed this.
Me, too.
Things almost feel like they're back to normal.
I know! Close enough for now, right? Team Subs-Addicts"