Reginald the Vampire (2022) s02e10 Episode Script

1
Previously on "Reginald the Vampire"
That is the flame that
will sweep across your Earth.
Wait. Stop everything.
He wants you to do
the one thing he can't,
look into the future.
War is coming.
Vampire will turn against vampire.
But to save them,
Reginald Andres must die.
You saved us!
Emma was my mom's name.
Landlord wants to sell
the building I'm living in.
And I am done begging for my life.
Oh, but this isn't
when you beg, Reginald.
This is when you receive your gift.
- [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING]
- Oh!
You killed my toaster.
I'm about to walk
into the darkest dark,
and I can't get Todd off my mind.
Where's your white light?
He killed Sarah.
- I know that.
- I'm gonna find Uriel.
And then I'm gonna kill
him with my bare hands.
Please exit through the gift shop.
Stop playing that game.
Not going through that door.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
Please exit through the gift shop.
Nope.
No.
Please exit through the gift shop.
Please exit through the gift shop.
- Please exit through the gift shop!
- Fucking no!
I go where I want to go.
I exit when I want to exit.
I'm not here to take orders from anyone.
I want answers, and
I'm not going anywhere
until I get them.
[DARK, MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
♪
Huh.
Weird.
Claire called it a battle for the soul
of the Vampire Nation, good versus evil,
vampire against vampire.
Yeah, well, Claire also
doesn't remember a word of it.
A new beginning will
require great sacrifice.
- That's what she said.
- Yeah, about that.
The sacrifice?
"Reginald Andres must die."
Not my favorite part of the prophecy.
All the more reason for
us to get it sorted out.
Look, I'll be more than happy to
once I cross a couple
things off my itinerary.
When you say itinerary
I'm going to pluck Uriel's
wings one feather at a time.
And then I'm gonna burn him alive.
That's pretty specific.
I've given it a lot of thought.
[TENSE MUSIC]
But there's something we
should talk about first.
Other than celestial revenge killings?
After Balestro put out his little fire,
he gave me a gift.
- Wait. What?
- No one noticed,
but we went back to the shack.
It was just me and him.
That dude loves moving us around.
Balestro gave me a
gift because, and I quote,
"my troubles are only beginning."
What kind of gift did he give you?
I don't know.
He said it was a surprise,
a gift that I needed.
A gift of knowledge? Gift of power?
Power. Let's go.
We can't let Uriel get away.
Do you really think
Uriel's gonna be there?
That's where he took Sarah.
And do you understand
what you're up against,
killing an angel?
I'm killing him one way or another.
There's more than one way?
- Just an open question.
- And what's that?
Whether or not Uriel's
gonna take me with him.
♪
Maybe Uriel moved on.
Could be.
Or maybe he's hiding someplace new.
Left all his souvenirs.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What's that?
♪
Tiny surfboard.
I got it at the Hartville flea market.
I knew she'd love it.
Come on, Reggie.
- Let's get out of here.
- She wanted to live at the beach.
She wanted to learn how to surf.
But she stayed because
of me, and now she's dead.
Look, man, none of
that is your fault, okay?
You got to know that.
For as long as I live,
it'll always feel like my fault.
♪
When I wake up in the morning,
there's a couple of
seconds before it hits me.
For brief moment, Sarah's alive.
Maybe she's making coffee in the kitchen
or an early shift at the Shack.
Maybe she's laying next to me.
She's alive and not dead.
♪
It's the only part of my day
where I don't miss her so much
that I can hear my heart break.
♪
You okay?
Never better.
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
You can tell me if you're not.
I'm an excellent listener.
♪
I was just thinking about
how easy things used to be.
We had fun here.
You bet we did.
After you stopped fat shaming me.
Yeah.
Then I was your meal plan.
Then you became my friend.
I feel like screaming [SIGHS]
Every second of the day.
[SIGHS]
But I don't, because that's weird.
So instead I keep
all that noise inside.
I'm very much not okay.
I understand how you feel.
I know.
You lost Mike.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Yeah.
Everywhere I look, there he is.
♪
I know the feeling.
There are five stages of grief.
No, no, Todd.
I'm totally informed about grief.
Anger, running errands, acceptance,
ugly crying, and depression.
Pretty sure that's all wrong.
Mm, pretty sure it's not.
Wrong stages, wrong order.
- Agree to disagree.
- Well, whatever the case is,
now's not the right time, all right?
Oh, errands, acceptance,
anger, ugly crying
Todd, just stop. [WHOOSH]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
♪
Uh
Todd?
Uh
Oh! Uh, hey.
What's up? What's up? Hey.
Can you hear me? Can you see me?
Todd, hey.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Todd. Todd. Todd.
- [WHOOSH]
- And depression.
Although I think that
perhaps ugly crying
actually comes first.
[DRAMATIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
Reggie, you okay?
♪
Rude.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
Reggie?
What's up? Everything okay?
Why is everyone asking me that?
Well, it seems like
a relevant question.
Okay, well, for the second time today,
let me make it perfectly clear.
I'm definitely not okay.
So tell me what's wrong.
You wouldn't believe me if I did.
Come on, man.
Look, after everything
we've been through,
disbelief is not really an option.
Whatever it is, just tell me.
Okay, yeah. Sure.
I could tell you, or I could show you.
Show me what?
I know what Balestro gave me.
His gift?
Gift, curse, superpower.
At the moment, not sure which.
Okay, so to be determined.
- But what is it?
- I can stop time
like he did to you.
Like, Todd, I stopped him,
like, his entire reality.
I pressed pause on it.
How did you do that?
- I don't know.
- But?
I wanted him to stop
talking, so I yelled it.
And because I wanted him to, he did.
Okay.
So you think it, you want it, and
and then it happens?
- Maybe.
- [CHUCKLES]
No, Reggie, that's not a curse.
That is a superpower.
But I have no idea how to use it.
Okay.
So we beta test it.
We map it out.
Yeah.
Right.
Like, figure out the parameters,
like how long does it last
or how many people I can freeze at once.
This is good.
But we're gonna need test subjects.
And this is another thing.
I'm a little concerned
about the unfreezing part.
[CURIOUS MUSIC]
I know just the two.
Oh, thank you for this
unexpected invitation.
You are truly the very
best deacon of them all.
So noble, so kind.
We are thrilled to serve you.
Well, go on, Reggie.
Give it your best shot.
I mean, I'm not really
sure how it works still.
Oh, well, how may we assist you
in this mysterious endeavor?
Just say the word,
and it shall be done.
[SIGHS] Okay.
Stop. [WHOOSH]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
♪
[SCREAMS]
What dark magic is this?
It's something I can do now.
But apparently, it's
only one person at a time?
So it's an up close and
personal superpower.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
♪
- Nothing.
- It's like like a beautiful statue.
That's sweet but not relevant.
Okay, uh,
try saying "go" or
- maybe "come back" or
- Mm.
- [WHOOSH]
- Whatever you want or need,
we are here to do your bidding.
Did I say something wrong? [CHUCKLES]
I apologize.
♪
Why are you all looking at me like that?
♪
What if she's frozen like this forever?
No such luck, I'm afraid.
Oh, you bite your tongue.
She's not frozen.
I just stopped her time.
But only temporarily?
Yes, but what if she is
frozen like this forever?
Patience, LeBron.
Any second now.
No. No. I object.
This is cruel and unusual.
Wait for it.
♪
- There she is.
- Mm.
- Duration?
- 11 1/2 seconds.
♪
Okay, pretty simple.
So I can stop time for one person.
- At a time.
- And then to do that, I just direct
a thought in their direction.
Don't even need to say it out loud.
And then their time stops
but never for longer than a minute.
Reggie, that's your superpower.
Yeah, superpower, sure,
with a significant
amount of limitations.
♪
Well, nothing's worse
than an avenging angel
with a sense of humor.
But in the end, I mean,
all things considered,
it's more than enough.
Sorry. More than enough?
For what?
I'm gonna find the angel Uriel,
I'm gonna freeze his ass,
and I'm gonna take him apart
piece by piece.
Well, this has been fun.
Glad to be of service.
And good luck with your angelic murder.
Please act like we never met.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
♪
Mr. Flint.
Hello, Irma. How you doing?
- How am I doing?
- Just being polite.
Feel like maybe we got
off on the wrong foot
with the rent strike and everything,
so I'm trying to manufacture
a better attitude.
Would you please
explain this padlock to me?
- Oh, right. That.
- Mr. Flint
Turns out, I gave this
some serious thought.
- You don't live here anymore.
- What?
You look confused but shouldn't be.
You definitely should not be surprised.
But you can't evict me
without probable cause.
This is my legal residence
until the rental period ends.
Got to admit, you got the law down pat.
But me, I've got the key.
You can't do this.
This is my home.
You have no right to keep me out.
Don't tell me what I can
and cannot do with what I own.
I want you out.
I'm asking nicely.
Don't push your luck.
Have a nice day.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
So when you say stop
time, you mean it just stops?
Like Balestro did to
me, like he did to you.
Except Reginald has that power now.
Yeah, he does, more or less.
So any idea how he plans on using it?
According to Claire,
there's a war coming.
Reggie's not thinking about that.
Ah, he's thinking about Uriel.
He said he's gonna kill him.
[SCOFFS]
That's what he said.
Reginald Andres is not a killer.
There was a time when the thought
would have made me laugh.
I mean, it's making me
laugh a little bit right now.
Now Reggie's different.
Losing Sarah changed him.
So do you think he's
actually gonna try and do it?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
How about you?
How does it feel being
out on the other side?
And what side is that?
No more Balestro,
no more death sentence for all of us.
It was a very big
weight, and now it's lifted.
Everything can go back
to the way it used to be.
Well, maybe it doesn't
have to be like that.
You've got a better idea. I can tell.
Patrolling, keeping an eye out
for anyone who needs our help.
That's a better idea.
That just sounds like dinner to me.
Do you remember how it
felt when we first met?
You believed in something.
And you taught me how to believe.
Are we really gonna go over this again?
Yes, because I keep thinking
you'll come back to it,
the way you were.
Well, I'm thinking I
might go back to Paris.
I'm gonna change your mind.
But first, I'm gonna find
Uriel before Reggie does.
♪
And off to the rescue he goes.
[DOOR CLICKS SHUT]
[DARK MUSIC]
♪
I tried to be good.
I tried to find goodness in this place.
But I am not worthy of it.
I thought I had found a home.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
And I murdered all the good I found
♪
Those who walked with me
who took me in.
His name was Mike.
Her name was Sarah.
♪
His name was Raphael.
And he was my brother.
♪
I am drowning in loss.
I am drowning in sorrow.
♪
I am alone in the
dark, and I do not know
what to do because
you will not answer me.
[EERIE MUSIC]
Please.
Please.
Please answer me.
♪
Hey, that looks yummy.
- [PHONE RINGING AND BUZZING]
- Oh.
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[PHONE BEEPS]
Welcome to Slushy Shack.
How may I help you?
A, uh, Pineapple Surprise.
- That's an excellent choice.
- Thanks.
♪
[PHONE RINGING AND BUZZING]
Robo-spambot infiltrator.
[PHONE BEEPS]
♪
- And there you are.
- Thanks.
- Ah, thanks. Have a great night.
- Thanks, man.
[PHONE RINGING AND BUZZING]
Hi. Could I get a Tropical Coconut?
[DISTORTED SPEECH]
- Uh, excuse me, can I get a
- What in God's name do you want?
A slushy.
[PERSON GROANS]
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING]
[THUMPING]
- Do you hear that?
- [DISTORTED, MUFFLED SPEECH]
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
Whoa, oh!
Whoa!
This is not happening.
♪
Stop this evil madness!
♪
I cast thee out, evil demon.
I command'st thou to
stop everything at once!
[LIQUID SPLATTERING]
Hello?
Is anyone there?
Here?
- You stayed outside?
- I didn't go inside.
Good.
Don't want him running off again.
Reggie, man, I heard his prayers.
Fuck his prayers.
What's in the bag?
What I need.
Look, I don't have time for
this conversation, Maurice.
I just want to make sure you
understand the burden of this.
Do you think I don't?
Taking a life, taking
the life of an angel.
That's why I'm here.
It's what I'm going to do.
If I'm gonna live forever, I
know with absolute certainty
that I can't keep carrying
this pain and anger with me.
It's gonna rot me, leave me empty.
If one of us has to die
better him than me, right?
Don't interfere.
Don't come to the rescue.
I'm doing this alone.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Under her spell like voodoo ♪
Under her spell like voodoo ♪
[MUSIC DISTORTS]
Hello?
[EERIE WHOOSHING]
Hi. Uh
[EERIE WHOOSHING]
Can I help you?
[SCREAMS]
- Mike.
- Unbelievable.
- No kidding.
- Not what I meant.
- You're here.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC]
But you were dead. I watched you die.
Trust me, that, I remember.
Are you alive?
Is that what's happening right now?
Uh
Oh, my God.
Did you return from the dead?
[ETHEREAL WHOOSH]
Uh, guess you didn't
return from the dead.
I'm guessing not.
[BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY]
But you're really here.
Wow.
I guess the third stage of grief
really is wishful thinking.
No, it really isn't.
That's an awesome look, by the way.
A little embarrassing, if
you want to know the truth.
Wait. Wait. How did you come back?
No idea. I exited
through the gift shop.
I walked into the dark.
Isn't it supposed to
be walk into the light?
Maybe that wasn't my destiny.
Vampire after all.
- You're a ghost.
- No, I'm not.
- You're haunting me.
- I doubt it.
You're like my guardian angel ghost.
That can't be true, can it?
Why else would you be here?
Maybe this is hell.
Dude, way too harsh.
Sorry.
Still formulating an
opinion about all of this.
No problem, amigo.
Got all the time in the world.
[ETHEREAL WHOOSH]
- Weird.
- Yeah.
[DOORS CLATTER]
[GAS HISSING]
Whoa!
[WOOD CREAKING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[GAS HISSING]
♪
- You.
- Me.
♪
I prayed for deliverance,
but there was no answer.
That's what you deserve.
But now I understand.
Your vengeance is the
answer to my prayers.
You are here to deliver me.
Stop!
You took Sarah from me.
You took my world, and
you broke it into pieces.
Now I want you to suffer.
I want you to hurt like I hurt.
I want you to burn.
[WHOOSH] Stop.
[WHOOSH]
She was the best person I ever knew.
She was funny and smart and kind
and so, so brave.
I'm not the one who
deserves to live forever.
She is.
[WHOOSH]
Stop. [WHOOSH]
You broke my world.
♪
[SCREAMS]
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
[WHOOSH]
♪
What is that?
Flamethrower.
What does it do?
It shoots fire.
Will it hurt?
I was hoping it would.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
You killed Mike.
You killed Sarah.
I will never forget
all the wrong you did,
all the lives you've ruined.
♪
But I
♪
[SOBS]
♪
Forgive you.
♪
I never knew humans
were capable of such grace.
I'm not a human.
I'm a vampire.
But maybe grace is what we need.
Leave.
Go far away from here.
Never come back.
♪
I can read your mind.
It's full of her
everything you did together,
all the things you never did.
Fuck off, angel.
I can take you to her.
[HOPEFUL MUSIC]
What did you say?
I can take you to Sarah.
♪
Please do that.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Reggie.
♪
[ETHEREAL MUSIC]
♪
- What is this place?
- It's a place between places.
Cryptic.
It's true.
Is this heaven?
Everything is heaven.
Really not letting go
of the cosmic, are you?
♪
Nothing on the walls?
The walls are for pictures
of the recently arrived.
- But not me?
- You're not dead.
Good to know.
♪
Where's Sarah?
Follow me.
♪
- There you are.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
- Thanks.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- No one can see you but me.
- [SIGHS]
This is so weird.
An inevitable by-product
of the whole ghost situation, I guess.
So you admit it. You're a ghost.
Well, I'm not sure what
else to believe at this point.
Oh.
[CLEARS THROAT]
You really love it here, don't you?
This is your purpose.
You don't need to be a vampire
to be a better version of yourself.
You're already worthy,
waiting for the next customer
to walk through those doors
because you can't wait to say
Welcome to the Slushy
Shack. How may I help you?
- You're so weird.
- Shut up. I'm trying to work here.
Maybe I'll stick
around for a little while.
- Seriously?
- Yeah, maybe I can help you out,
understanding that I will never
offer an opinion of any kind
- regarding snack rotation.
- Oh. Yeah.
Snack rotation is off the table.
Okay, well, first, we should
establish some ground rules.
[WHOOSH]
Mike?
Mike?
♪
Have you seen Reginald?
You are not gonna
believe what happened.
- Todd.
- But it's pretty darn exciting.
- Todd, have you seen Reginald?
- Oh, no.
Uh, he hasn't been in, but,
uh, it's still pretty early.
Anyways, back to my big surprise
If you see him, let him
know I'm looking for him.
- Copy that.
- Thank you.
But also, Mike's a ghost now
and basically my guardian angel.
Ah. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Sorry, you said
What exactly did you mean by that?
I mean he sits right
here on the counter,
and only I can see him.
♪
A ghost?
Yeah. He haunts me.
Sitting on the counter?
Yeah. It's his favorite spot.
Don't ask me why.
Maybe Mike knows where Reginald is.
Yeah, 'cause that makes perfect sense.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Mike, sorry to bother you.
Sorry about what happened.
I'm looking for Reginald,
and I was wondering
Dude, he's not there right now.
He'll be back. You can ask him then.
Yeah.
♪
What?
- Okay, bud, you good?
- Yeah, I'm great.
Yeah? Okay.
Irma?
Hey, Maurice.
Hey.
You all right?
No, I'm really not.
Got some bolt cutters there.
- Yes, I do.
- How do you plan on using them?
The dispute with my
landlord took a turn.
Not for the better, I'm guessing.
The man padlocked the
door to my damn home.
He doesn't have the right to do that.
What I told him.
What are you gonna do?
What do you think?
Irma, do me a favor.
Wait till dark before you go.
Why would I do that?
'Cause I asked you to.
♪
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Sarah.
We pretended we bought a house
on a beach in Mexico together.
Looks like she did.
This place belongs to her.
Reginald?
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
♪
You're here.
I found you.
♪
- One sec.
- Oh, yeah, sure.
I don't know how time
works here, anyway.
Okay.
Hello, Sarah.
Hello, angel.
[GRUNTS]
Yeah, I mean, definitely had it coming.
But, uh, you'll never guess, uh
He killed me.
He killed Mike.
And it looks like he killed you too.
Fair point.
But I, in fact, am very much alive.
But you're here.
- Uriel brought me.
- What? Why?
Because I
forgave him.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
You took my life from me.
I didn't understand how
love made the world go round.
Understatement.
I was infected by that world,
just like Raphael said.
Weird.
It sounds like you're
trying to blame the victim,
which is me.
I'm just trying to explain.
No, you're making excuses, you fucker.
♪
I did this.
Nothing excuses what I did.
No, it doesn't.
Please, forgive me for what I've done.
Reginald forgave you, but I can't.
♪
Please exit through the gift shop.
Was that always there before?
- Nope.
- They pop up, and they disappear.
Just ignore them.
Not this one.
Why?
It's for me.
♪
Thank you.
I don't deserve what you gave me.
[SIGHS]
♪
Wait.
How will Reginald get
back home without you?
♪
[SIGHS]
Where do you think he went?
No idea.
- Quick question.
- Oh, sure.
What are you doing here?
And don't you dare lie to me.
I came here to find you, Sarah.
I came here to bring you home.
♪
You understand that what you're
hoping for is impossible, right,
bringing me back?
I don't think that's a thing.
Only one way to find out.
Which is?
Find whoever's in charge.
There has to be a higher power, right?
Saint Peter at the gate,
big dude with a beard.
You don't believe in that stuff.
No, but every time
I do believe something,
it turns out to be the opposite
of what I should have been believing.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
Huh.
♪
You know, I'm pretty
sure I know that toaster.
Toaster's a friend of yours?
No, but I've been using it to make
perfectly consistent
toast from top to bottom.
Completely lost now.
♪
Uh, those weren't there before.
No, they were not.
Should we see what's at the top?
♪
Yes.
♪
- I just want to say
- Yeah.
Um, in case we become
one with the universe
and turn into stardust and
don't have mouths to speak,
I'm really glad we met.
There's nothing in my
life it did not change.
I have to say, I know the feeling.
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
♪
Oh.
Okay.
Very strange.
The same place but a different place.
How many times have
we sat on this bench?
A lot.
Good memories.
Couple bad ones too.
I remember.
♪
So I wonder what happens now.
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh!
♪
Greetings.
Hello?
I hear you're looking for me.
♪
I don't want any trouble.
I just want what's legally mine, please.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Told you already, you
don't live here anymore.
Coming back like this with a weapon?
Man has a right to stand his ground.
[WHOOSH]
Give her what she wants,
and no one has to get hurt tonight.
[SCREAMS]
[ALL GRUNTING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
You can't stay here tonight.
We'll wait while you pack what you need.
That wasn't your dad in
Oakland all those years ago.
It was you.
What the hell are you?
Oh, we're vampires.
And we're here to save the world.
♪
That was a surprise.
What?
You.
Oh, I'm always a surprise.
I mean you showing up like that.
I like a good fight.
Yeah, you do, but
Okay, we do not have to
make a big deal out of it.
Look, what's on your mind?
You know I can tell, Angie.
[SIGHS] Okay.
What you said, it made me
think about where and when we met
and what that felt like.
I mean, I have had so
many different lives,
but remembering that one, Oakland,
you and me,
I don't know, it just
Thought you were going back to Paris.
Think I want to stay in Akron.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
It's not exactly the
city of lights, is it?
Yeah, well, you don't
always choose your home.
Sometimes your home chooses you.
That's not why you're staying.
Not really.
What do you want, Maurice,
out there in the world?
What is it that you want?
♪
If war is coming
and I'm not gonna bet against Claire,
I want to be ready for it as deacon.
Makes sense.
And I want you to be there with me
as deacon,
the two of us fighting together
like we did before.
Two deacons side by side.
That's what I'm proposing, yeah.
♪
- Can I think about it?
- [SIGHS]
Sure.
♪
Okay.
Thought about it.
And I accept your generous offer.
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
♪
Hi, Mike.
It's me, Todd.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Can you hear me?
Um, don't be weird.
♪
Look, kind of just vanished
there mid-sentence, but
I want you to know I'll
wait for your return.
♪
I'll wait right here
until I see you again.
♪
Please come back, Mike.
♪
Okay, got to say it. This
is blowing my mind, but
you're my toaster?
Heaven is what you want it to be.
Tell me what you want.
I have a limited amount of
time, as you can imagine.
Toaster is apparently
not one for small talk.
So many breads, too little time.
Mm.
Did you come here to make jokes
or to find the answers you seek?
- Sorry.
- Force of habit.
You have questions?
Just the basics, you know,
who made the universe
and everything in it.
I'm afraid there isn't time for that.
On the clock, like you said.
In a manner of speaking,
I'll tell you anything you want to know,
grant you any wish that
is within my power to grant
until the toast inside me pops.
Nothing like a God appliance
with a sense of humor.
Bring Sarah back home.
- What?
- That's the request.
That's the wish I want you to grant,
and I know you can grant it.
Ah, that's a very popular
request but not easily done.
Yes, yes, the cosmic balance
that must be maintained,
death for a life, life for a death,
so on and so forth.
Reginald, what are you saying?
Do it. Send her home.
She deserves it. She earned it.
You want to take my place.
Sarah is a human filled with light.
I'm a creature of the darkness,
subsists on the blood of the innocent.
This is not a difficult decision.
- Reginald, stop.
- Sarah, please.
It's the only way to get you home.
You know what's weird?
I don't remember anyone, you,
asking if this is what I want.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[SIGHS]
♪
I'm trying to be a hero
without really thinking about
the person who I want most
to look at me like a hero.
Yes.
I'm trying to turn
you into my litmus test
for my awesomeness without
caring what you feel about it.
Wow.
Okay, since when are you this guy?
Done a lot of personal
growth since you've been dead.
[TOASTER DINGS]
Good news.
I believe there's a way for both of you
to get what you deserve.
- Wait.
- What?
Who wants toast?
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Hello, sunshine ♪
♪
Hello, blue sky ♪
♪
Hello, good times ♪
♪
Hello, sunshine ♪
♪
Doo-doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo-doo ♪
♪
Doo-doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo-doo ♪
♪
Hello, warm breeze ♪
On my shoulder ♪
♪
Hello, morning ♪
♪
There's a universal
balance that must be honored
in life and in death.
Yeah, we've already talked about this.
That's delicious.
A life for a life, my life for Sarah's.
A deal I'm not willing to
make under any circumstances.
But wait. There's more.
It's a loophole.
I do love loopholes.
Oh, he really does.
Reginald, luckiest
of men, has two lives:
His life as a human,
his life as a vampire.
Reginald has a life to spare.
So I give Sarah one of my lives,
she gets hers back,
and I keep the one that's left.
In this way, the
balance of life is honored.
Everybody goes home.
Hello, sunshine ♪
Sarah.
Hello, blue sky ♪
♪
Hello, good times ♪
♪
Hello, sunshine ♪
♪
Sarah?
♪
Sarah!
Sarah!
♪
Doo-doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo-doo ♪
♪
Doo-doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo-doo ♪
♪
- [FLAMES WHOOSHING]
- Ah!
Sarah?
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪
[FANGS CLICK]
[GASPS]
♪
I'm a motherfucking vampire?
♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Come hold me ♪
I got the fever, baby ♪
Come hold me ♪
I got the fever, baby ♪
If you want to help me ♪
Get myself together, maybe ♪
Come on in and let's all ♪
Introduce the fever, baby ♪
Come hold me ♪
I got the fever, baby ♪