Retired at 35 (2011) s02e10 Episode Script
My Best Friend's Wedding
[Frantic knocking at door.]
Brandon! Brandon! Brandon! Dude! I've been trying to get a hold of you for the last hour.
What are you doing here in the dark? Just trying to block out the pain of losing the best girl a guy never had.
I've been sitting like this since Amy got married.
What's it been? Five days ago? Brandon, this is the day of Amy's wedding.
Amy needs your help.
She specifically asked for you.
Come on, I'll explain on the way.
So wait, Amy and Jared haven't gotten married yet? No, and I don't know if she's gonna go through with it at all.
So I'm still in the game.
[Whimsical piano music.]
Hey there, proud parents.
Ready to see your little girl married off by Sarasota's newest minister? Oh, Richard, not that we're not honored to have you perform Amy's wedding ceremony, but are you sure you're legal? Absolutely.
Look, my certificate is on OnlineMinisters.
com Buffering Buffering Buffering Just trust me, okay? You want to practice? Maybe Elaine and I could renew our vows.
Oh, Alan, that's sweet.
We don't have time for that nonsense.
Enjoy the ceremony.
Julia, my God, the place looks amazing! You really pulled it together.
And in two weeks, wow! Well, I'm great at making dreams come true.
Not my own.
Other people's.
Hasn't really worked out for me yet, you know? But who knows? Maybe someday.
Um I found out Jared is only marrying Amy to get his green card.
What? That is quite an accusation, Buster.
Why didn't you tell me last night? Really, Dad? You want me to say why I couldn't get your attention at the bachelor party? David, how do you even know this is true? Hit me with the facts.
All right, well, Jared's mom is friends with Kat's mom-- Kat's the stripper-- and Kat the stripper told me.
That's quite a string of reliable sources there.
Did her pimp happen to pipe in? So listen, listen, I know that this is gonna hurt Amy, but she has to know the truth before she walks down this aisle.
Absolutely.
Whoa, whoa, let's slow this train down for a second.
David, even if it is true, did it ever occur to you that maybe Amy already knows about this? If she knew about it, why didn't she tell us? Because it's embarrassing.
And I'm not going to barge in there on my daughter's wedding day and tell her "Jared's only marrying you to get his green card.
" Jared's only marrying me to get his green card? On the other hand, maybe she didn't know.
So Jared's marrying Amy just to stay in the country? I knew something was up with that guy.
Poor Amy, she must be crushed.
Well, I don't know what she wants with you, but whatever you do, you cannot let her walk down the aisle with that guy.
Unless "that guy" is me.
Let's face it, your sister and I have a connection.
Why do you think she's calling for me now? But you only kissed once.
I'm one hell of a kisser.
If it weren't totally gay, I'd show you.
Well, you know, as crazy as it sounds, hey, she's asking for you, she's in a wedding dress.
I--maybe you're right.
Ooh, I can get over my jitters! I'm in! Let's go by the thrift store and get me a tuxedo.
You know what? It's my wedding day.
I'll spring for a rental.
Amy decided she had to get to the bottom of it, so she summoned Jared.
[Knock at door.]
Come in, baby.
[Glass shatters.]
You're marrying me for a green card? What? Who--who told you that? My mom repeated it from David, who heard it from your stripper! Stripper? What? Her mom told her that your mom said that you needed a green card.
Is that true, Jared? Yes, it is true.
I need a green card.
God, how can you do this to me? But I swear, that's not why I'm marrying you.
Oh, it's because you love me so much, is that why? And you just couldn't wait? That's a huge part of it.
That's all of it! Over here on the side, there is this small, little, silly thing where I'm gonna be deported if I don't get married.
Why didn't you just tell me this before? I panicked.
I have never been in love like this before, and I was afraid that if I told you the truth you would react L-like this.
Well, you were right.
I could've married anyone for a green card, but I'm marrying you because I love you, and I only want to be here because you're here.
I really want to believe you, Jared.
You should.
I mean, Florida's nice, but without you, it's just hot, sticky, and really angry at Fidel Castro.
But then I met my angel, and it changed everything.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth, and I swear, if you wanted to move to Canada with me, I'd do that, because I just want to be where my Amy is.
Really? You mean it? Yeah, I really do.
You'd move back to Canada if I were willing to do it with you? Absolutely.
I'm not moving to Canada.
I wouldn't ask that of someone I love.
So You wanna get hitched? Sound good? Sounds great.
Sounds awful.
So if Amy's gonna go through with the wedding, how come you didn't tell me before I rented this tux? Three words-- Enter my dad.
Why would I want to enter your dad? No, I mean my dad got involved.
Oh, that almost got weird.
Yeah, almost.
[Knock at door.]
Come in! Well Are we getting married, or are we flushing $20,000 down the drain? $20,000? You said $15,000! I rounded down.
Don't worry, the wedding is on.
Are you sure? Granted, the way I found out was bad, but he convinced me that he really loves me.
How? He said he was willing to move to Canada if I was willing to move with him.
I will not have grandchildren raised in a country that has another French country inside it trying to get out! Mom, we're not moving to Canada, but the fact that he was willing to go made me realize that he's not just marrying me for a green card.
Makes sense.
Unless he's bluffing.
What do you mean? I mean, it's what men do.
What? Nothing! Men do nothing, dear.
Pop out a rug rat and you'll find out soon enough.
Of course he would offer that, because there's no way in hell you'd ever move to Canada.
Do you think Jared did that? Of course not.
He's not as sneaky as me.
You are just on fire.
I'm telling you, everything was perfect.
The flowers, the music, the lighting.
Amy must have looked exquisite.
It looked like everything was going according to plan.
Do you, Jared, take our beautiful Amy to be your lawfully wedded wife? I do.
And do you, Amy, take Jared to be your lawfully wedded husband? I I want to move to Canada.
Uh That response was not covered in my online training.
Uh, I need to look up a contingency plan.
Does anyone know the Wi-Fi password? Are you happy now? Unless he was "bluffing," that just cost you 25 grand.
25? How does it keep going up? I can't tell what you do slower, tell stories or drive.
Just skip to the part where she asks for me.
What do you mean you want to go to Canada? Well, I just think we should hold off getting married today and wait until we're sure.
But we are sure, and we're here.
You can't do this.
Can she do this? I'm not sure.
I'm new.
Jared, you said you would live in Canada with me if I was willing to wait.
Well, I'm willing to move there.
Unless you were bluffing.
Yeah, when I said that, I-I meant it symbolically.
You know, like when people say "I'd go to hell and back.
" Yeah, Canada.
Look, I love you so much that I'd be willing to move there.
And I love you so much that I'd advise you not to move there.
Look, once you get married, you can go to Canada, but only until you have kids.
Then you move back here, because I need to dote on my half-breed grandchildren.
Yeah, why don't we just say our "I Dos", and then we'll go visit Canada.
Jared, I'm serious.
If you love me, you could live anywhere with me.
I do love you.
But I also love America.
[Huffs.]
I Amy, I'm back! Is he with you? Yes, and I would have been here sooner, but the tux shop was out of top hats in my size.
[Lock clicks.]
All right, no funny business.
Brandon comes alone! I don't know why she needs to talk to you, but do what you have to do, say what you have to say, just get my daughter down that aisle! Don't worry, Mom, she'll be walking down the aisle.
Thank you, and don't call me mom.
I'm coming in! Hey, Amy! What up? Hey.
I need to talk to you about something.
And it's a little awkward.
It doesn't need to be awkward.
Look, I know you've been back and forth with this thing and you've needed to sort some stuff out, but I'm here and I'm ready.
So let's do this.
I am so glad you feel that way, because I really need a friend to help me sort things out.
Wait, what? "A friend"? Yeah.
You've always been so honest with me, so just be honest with me about Jared.
Oh, this is about Jared.
Yeah.
What did you think it was about? [Awkward laugh.]
Of course it's Jared.
You needed a friend to talk to, and I'm just a friend, so that's why I showed up to the wedding in a tux.
As a friend! [Sighs.]
Brandon I'm just so confused.
I mean, I think Jared loves me, but What if he's just marrying me to stay in the country? Well As a friend I can see why Jared loves you.
Yeah? I mean, you got a lot of nice qualities.
And I can see why he wants to stay here.
I mean, what's not to love about Florida? The weather's always nice, we got Disney World and Seaworld.
Oh, and there's also EPCOT Center, because someday they may do something interesting with that.
What's going on in there? Do you hear anything? Yeah, you, asking me if I hear anything.
Brandon, please! The bottom line is, the circumstances of how he asked you to marry him really don't matter.
Do you feel like he loves you? I think he kind of adores me.
Well, I get that.
And do you love him? I do.
I really do.
Well, there's your answer.
- Really? - Yeah, I mean, what's it matter if it's six months from now or six minutes? Sometimes you just have to go for it.
Thank you, Brandon.
Any updates? Wait, I think they're coming out.
I'm sorry about all of this.
I'm good.
I'm ready to get married.
[Gasps.]
Honey, that's fantastic! Wait, what were you doing in there with the pool boy? Hey, this pool boy just talked Amy into marrying you.
Wait a minute, you're telling me that this guy, who is clearly in love with you, who you have an unnatural friendship with, just convinced you of something that I couldn't? Yeah Okay, thank you, Brandon.
I want to thank you too, Brandon.
I've seen the way you look at her, and I know whatever you said in there couldn't have been easy for you.
How did you do it? Well, I ignored my own feelings and told Amy what she wanted to hear.
Someday you'll make a very good husband.
And we're back.
So, uh, the website says to start at the beginning, so that's what we have to do.
Oh, for the love of Pete, he's already said "I do.
" Just ask her so we can get to the reception.
Do you want me to lose my license, Elaine? Just let him do it.
He's already lost his fishing license.
Fine! Go on.
I'll paraphrase.
"Join these two in holy matrimony," blah blah blah "If anyone here objects to this union," yadda yadda "Let him speak now or forever hold his peace," and-- I object! Brandon, what are you doing? You're the one who said I should marry Jared! That was as your friend.
Now I'm speaking as your unconsummated lover.
That's right, Aunt Gertrude.
You heard me.
What are you doing, Brandon? I'm objecting.
You can't object! The whole objection thing is just a formality! It's like the "for richer or poorer" thing.
Yes, it's a lovely thought, but nobody's really in it for the poorer.
Brandon, I don't understand why you're doing this.
You're the one who said I should marry Jared.
You said, "go for it.
" Well, now I'm going for it.
Do you know why I came here in tux? Because I thought maybe you'd changed your mind about Jared and wanted to marry me instead.
Look, I know Jared loves you.
I just happen to love you more.
Look, Amy, if you wanted to marry this guy, you would have done it already.
And when you're in trouble, who do you call? Well, maybe she wouldn't have to call you if you weren't constantly interfering in our lives, which, by the way, actually pretty good without you.
Do you know how much I love you, Amy? I rub your feet.
I am disgusted by feet in general, but yours I rub religiously.
It's true.
You do.
You're very good to me, Jared.
I would rub your feet and suck every one of your toes.
Did you hear that, Alan? It's not happening.
This is getting really old, Amy.
What's it going to be? Yeah, Amy, what's it gonna be? Man, the tension is too much.
I wish I could get a drink.
The bar just opened.
This--this is empty.
Luckily, the pharmacy's open too.
All right.
Brandon, I care about you, really, I do, but not the same way as I care about Jared.
You're my friend, and you'll always be special to me, but I promised to marry Jared, soI guess I should marry him.
Are you sure? Yes.
Damn.
Okay, carry on, your honor.
Finally.
Great.
"We gather today--" I object! Mom, what are you doing? You "guess" you should marry him? You should know if you want to marry him! I know I want to marry him I guess.
Amy, $30,000 or not, you can't go through with this unless you're sure.
30 grand? Now I object! I feel kind of responsible for all this.
I know I've been pushing for this marriage, but maybe somewhere in there, I lost sight of why someone should get married.
This man may be the most annoying person at times, but I love him.
I married him because I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without him.
Amy, if you don't feel the same way, you shouldn't do this.
You find me annoying? It's not just me.
Jared I'm sorry, I can't marry you.
So that's it? We're through? No, I'll see you at home tonight.
I just think we need a little time to sort this out.
Yeah, not to keep harping on it, but time is something I don't have a lot of.
I'm going to be deported tomorrow unless someone marries me.
"To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, from this day forward?" I do.
"And do you, Julia, "take Jared to be your lawfully wedded husband, "to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, from this day forward?" Damn right I do.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Nice to meet you, by the way.
Mmm, hi.
[All sighing.]
It was weird catching the bouquet at my own wedding.
What's even weirder is Jared's wife going home with the valet.
Yeah, you think you know a person.
Hell, if I had known dad was gonna pay someone all that money to keep Jared in the country, I would have married him.
That's a really nice thing you've done, Alan.
Who would have thought that I would spend $30,000 on a wedding for none of my kids? $45,000.
Elaine.
$50,000, all in, I swear!
Brandon! Brandon! Brandon! Dude! I've been trying to get a hold of you for the last hour.
What are you doing here in the dark? Just trying to block out the pain of losing the best girl a guy never had.
I've been sitting like this since Amy got married.
What's it been? Five days ago? Brandon, this is the day of Amy's wedding.
Amy needs your help.
She specifically asked for you.
Come on, I'll explain on the way.
So wait, Amy and Jared haven't gotten married yet? No, and I don't know if she's gonna go through with it at all.
So I'm still in the game.
[Whimsical piano music.]
Hey there, proud parents.
Ready to see your little girl married off by Sarasota's newest minister? Oh, Richard, not that we're not honored to have you perform Amy's wedding ceremony, but are you sure you're legal? Absolutely.
Look, my certificate is on OnlineMinisters.
com Buffering Buffering Buffering Just trust me, okay? You want to practice? Maybe Elaine and I could renew our vows.
Oh, Alan, that's sweet.
We don't have time for that nonsense.
Enjoy the ceremony.
Julia, my God, the place looks amazing! You really pulled it together.
And in two weeks, wow! Well, I'm great at making dreams come true.
Not my own.
Other people's.
Hasn't really worked out for me yet, you know? But who knows? Maybe someday.
Um I found out Jared is only marrying Amy to get his green card.
What? That is quite an accusation, Buster.
Why didn't you tell me last night? Really, Dad? You want me to say why I couldn't get your attention at the bachelor party? David, how do you even know this is true? Hit me with the facts.
All right, well, Jared's mom is friends with Kat's mom-- Kat's the stripper-- and Kat the stripper told me.
That's quite a string of reliable sources there.
Did her pimp happen to pipe in? So listen, listen, I know that this is gonna hurt Amy, but she has to know the truth before she walks down this aisle.
Absolutely.
Whoa, whoa, let's slow this train down for a second.
David, even if it is true, did it ever occur to you that maybe Amy already knows about this? If she knew about it, why didn't she tell us? Because it's embarrassing.
And I'm not going to barge in there on my daughter's wedding day and tell her "Jared's only marrying you to get his green card.
" Jared's only marrying me to get his green card? On the other hand, maybe she didn't know.
So Jared's marrying Amy just to stay in the country? I knew something was up with that guy.
Poor Amy, she must be crushed.
Well, I don't know what she wants with you, but whatever you do, you cannot let her walk down the aisle with that guy.
Unless "that guy" is me.
Let's face it, your sister and I have a connection.
Why do you think she's calling for me now? But you only kissed once.
I'm one hell of a kisser.
If it weren't totally gay, I'd show you.
Well, you know, as crazy as it sounds, hey, she's asking for you, she's in a wedding dress.
I--maybe you're right.
Ooh, I can get over my jitters! I'm in! Let's go by the thrift store and get me a tuxedo.
You know what? It's my wedding day.
I'll spring for a rental.
Amy decided she had to get to the bottom of it, so she summoned Jared.
[Knock at door.]
Come in, baby.
[Glass shatters.]
You're marrying me for a green card? What? Who--who told you that? My mom repeated it from David, who heard it from your stripper! Stripper? What? Her mom told her that your mom said that you needed a green card.
Is that true, Jared? Yes, it is true.
I need a green card.
God, how can you do this to me? But I swear, that's not why I'm marrying you.
Oh, it's because you love me so much, is that why? And you just couldn't wait? That's a huge part of it.
That's all of it! Over here on the side, there is this small, little, silly thing where I'm gonna be deported if I don't get married.
Why didn't you just tell me this before? I panicked.
I have never been in love like this before, and I was afraid that if I told you the truth you would react L-like this.
Well, you were right.
I could've married anyone for a green card, but I'm marrying you because I love you, and I only want to be here because you're here.
I really want to believe you, Jared.
You should.
I mean, Florida's nice, but without you, it's just hot, sticky, and really angry at Fidel Castro.
But then I met my angel, and it changed everything.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth, and I swear, if you wanted to move to Canada with me, I'd do that, because I just want to be where my Amy is.
Really? You mean it? Yeah, I really do.
You'd move back to Canada if I were willing to do it with you? Absolutely.
I'm not moving to Canada.
I wouldn't ask that of someone I love.
So You wanna get hitched? Sound good? Sounds great.
Sounds awful.
So if Amy's gonna go through with the wedding, how come you didn't tell me before I rented this tux? Three words-- Enter my dad.
Why would I want to enter your dad? No, I mean my dad got involved.
Oh, that almost got weird.
Yeah, almost.
[Knock at door.]
Come in! Well Are we getting married, or are we flushing $20,000 down the drain? $20,000? You said $15,000! I rounded down.
Don't worry, the wedding is on.
Are you sure? Granted, the way I found out was bad, but he convinced me that he really loves me.
How? He said he was willing to move to Canada if I was willing to move with him.
I will not have grandchildren raised in a country that has another French country inside it trying to get out! Mom, we're not moving to Canada, but the fact that he was willing to go made me realize that he's not just marrying me for a green card.
Makes sense.
Unless he's bluffing.
What do you mean? I mean, it's what men do.
What? Nothing! Men do nothing, dear.
Pop out a rug rat and you'll find out soon enough.
Of course he would offer that, because there's no way in hell you'd ever move to Canada.
Do you think Jared did that? Of course not.
He's not as sneaky as me.
You are just on fire.
I'm telling you, everything was perfect.
The flowers, the music, the lighting.
Amy must have looked exquisite.
It looked like everything was going according to plan.
Do you, Jared, take our beautiful Amy to be your lawfully wedded wife? I do.
And do you, Amy, take Jared to be your lawfully wedded husband? I I want to move to Canada.
Uh That response was not covered in my online training.
Uh, I need to look up a contingency plan.
Does anyone know the Wi-Fi password? Are you happy now? Unless he was "bluffing," that just cost you 25 grand.
25? How does it keep going up? I can't tell what you do slower, tell stories or drive.
Just skip to the part where she asks for me.
What do you mean you want to go to Canada? Well, I just think we should hold off getting married today and wait until we're sure.
But we are sure, and we're here.
You can't do this.
Can she do this? I'm not sure.
I'm new.
Jared, you said you would live in Canada with me if I was willing to wait.
Well, I'm willing to move there.
Unless you were bluffing.
Yeah, when I said that, I-I meant it symbolically.
You know, like when people say "I'd go to hell and back.
" Yeah, Canada.
Look, I love you so much that I'd be willing to move there.
And I love you so much that I'd advise you not to move there.
Look, once you get married, you can go to Canada, but only until you have kids.
Then you move back here, because I need to dote on my half-breed grandchildren.
Yeah, why don't we just say our "I Dos", and then we'll go visit Canada.
Jared, I'm serious.
If you love me, you could live anywhere with me.
I do love you.
But I also love America.
[Huffs.]
I Amy, I'm back! Is he with you? Yes, and I would have been here sooner, but the tux shop was out of top hats in my size.
[Lock clicks.]
All right, no funny business.
Brandon comes alone! I don't know why she needs to talk to you, but do what you have to do, say what you have to say, just get my daughter down that aisle! Don't worry, Mom, she'll be walking down the aisle.
Thank you, and don't call me mom.
I'm coming in! Hey, Amy! What up? Hey.
I need to talk to you about something.
And it's a little awkward.
It doesn't need to be awkward.
Look, I know you've been back and forth with this thing and you've needed to sort some stuff out, but I'm here and I'm ready.
So let's do this.
I am so glad you feel that way, because I really need a friend to help me sort things out.
Wait, what? "A friend"? Yeah.
You've always been so honest with me, so just be honest with me about Jared.
Oh, this is about Jared.
Yeah.
What did you think it was about? [Awkward laugh.]
Of course it's Jared.
You needed a friend to talk to, and I'm just a friend, so that's why I showed up to the wedding in a tux.
As a friend! [Sighs.]
Brandon I'm just so confused.
I mean, I think Jared loves me, but What if he's just marrying me to stay in the country? Well As a friend I can see why Jared loves you.
Yeah? I mean, you got a lot of nice qualities.
And I can see why he wants to stay here.
I mean, what's not to love about Florida? The weather's always nice, we got Disney World and Seaworld.
Oh, and there's also EPCOT Center, because someday they may do something interesting with that.
What's going on in there? Do you hear anything? Yeah, you, asking me if I hear anything.
Brandon, please! The bottom line is, the circumstances of how he asked you to marry him really don't matter.
Do you feel like he loves you? I think he kind of adores me.
Well, I get that.
And do you love him? I do.
I really do.
Well, there's your answer.
- Really? - Yeah, I mean, what's it matter if it's six months from now or six minutes? Sometimes you just have to go for it.
Thank you, Brandon.
Any updates? Wait, I think they're coming out.
I'm sorry about all of this.
I'm good.
I'm ready to get married.
[Gasps.]
Honey, that's fantastic! Wait, what were you doing in there with the pool boy? Hey, this pool boy just talked Amy into marrying you.
Wait a minute, you're telling me that this guy, who is clearly in love with you, who you have an unnatural friendship with, just convinced you of something that I couldn't? Yeah Okay, thank you, Brandon.
I want to thank you too, Brandon.
I've seen the way you look at her, and I know whatever you said in there couldn't have been easy for you.
How did you do it? Well, I ignored my own feelings and told Amy what she wanted to hear.
Someday you'll make a very good husband.
And we're back.
So, uh, the website says to start at the beginning, so that's what we have to do.
Oh, for the love of Pete, he's already said "I do.
" Just ask her so we can get to the reception.
Do you want me to lose my license, Elaine? Just let him do it.
He's already lost his fishing license.
Fine! Go on.
I'll paraphrase.
"Join these two in holy matrimony," blah blah blah "If anyone here objects to this union," yadda yadda "Let him speak now or forever hold his peace," and-- I object! Brandon, what are you doing? You're the one who said I should marry Jared! That was as your friend.
Now I'm speaking as your unconsummated lover.
That's right, Aunt Gertrude.
You heard me.
What are you doing, Brandon? I'm objecting.
You can't object! The whole objection thing is just a formality! It's like the "for richer or poorer" thing.
Yes, it's a lovely thought, but nobody's really in it for the poorer.
Brandon, I don't understand why you're doing this.
You're the one who said I should marry Jared.
You said, "go for it.
" Well, now I'm going for it.
Do you know why I came here in tux? Because I thought maybe you'd changed your mind about Jared and wanted to marry me instead.
Look, I know Jared loves you.
I just happen to love you more.
Look, Amy, if you wanted to marry this guy, you would have done it already.
And when you're in trouble, who do you call? Well, maybe she wouldn't have to call you if you weren't constantly interfering in our lives, which, by the way, actually pretty good without you.
Do you know how much I love you, Amy? I rub your feet.
I am disgusted by feet in general, but yours I rub religiously.
It's true.
You do.
You're very good to me, Jared.
I would rub your feet and suck every one of your toes.
Did you hear that, Alan? It's not happening.
This is getting really old, Amy.
What's it going to be? Yeah, Amy, what's it gonna be? Man, the tension is too much.
I wish I could get a drink.
The bar just opened.
This--this is empty.
Luckily, the pharmacy's open too.
All right.
Brandon, I care about you, really, I do, but not the same way as I care about Jared.
You're my friend, and you'll always be special to me, but I promised to marry Jared, soI guess I should marry him.
Are you sure? Yes.
Damn.
Okay, carry on, your honor.
Finally.
Great.
"We gather today--" I object! Mom, what are you doing? You "guess" you should marry him? You should know if you want to marry him! I know I want to marry him I guess.
Amy, $30,000 or not, you can't go through with this unless you're sure.
30 grand? Now I object! I feel kind of responsible for all this.
I know I've been pushing for this marriage, but maybe somewhere in there, I lost sight of why someone should get married.
This man may be the most annoying person at times, but I love him.
I married him because I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without him.
Amy, if you don't feel the same way, you shouldn't do this.
You find me annoying? It's not just me.
Jared I'm sorry, I can't marry you.
So that's it? We're through? No, I'll see you at home tonight.
I just think we need a little time to sort this out.
Yeah, not to keep harping on it, but time is something I don't have a lot of.
I'm going to be deported tomorrow unless someone marries me.
"To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, from this day forward?" I do.
"And do you, Julia, "take Jared to be your lawfully wedded husband, "to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, from this day forward?" Damn right I do.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Nice to meet you, by the way.
Mmm, hi.
[All sighing.]
It was weird catching the bouquet at my own wedding.
What's even weirder is Jared's wife going home with the valet.
Yeah, you think you know a person.
Hell, if I had known dad was gonna pay someone all that money to keep Jared in the country, I would have married him.
That's a really nice thing you've done, Alan.
Who would have thought that I would spend $30,000 on a wedding for none of my kids? $45,000.
Elaine.
$50,000, all in, I swear!