Single Ladies (2011) s02e10 Episode Script

Previously on single ladies Because of what I went through with Victor, I'm still gun-shy.
Yeah, but I can relate.
You know, when I was India, I thought I found the love of my life, but padma ended up marrying someone else.
Well, well, well, if it isn't laila twilight.
Sharon love.
We'll always be more than friends.
I know.
But what exactly are you saying? I'd like for us to start over.
"Start over"? I distinctly remember you telling me you wanted to give your relationship with Taylor a chance, but you couldn't do that because I was in the way.
So what happened? She left you? No.
We're still, you know, we're still doing our thing, and that's not exactly what I said.
Something else I distinctly remember is telling you I had nothing else to say to you, and I'm already breaking that promise by being here.
See, I miss that.
What? The smart mouth.
The attitude, everything.
Please, sit down.
You know your feet hurt.
I still don't even know why I'm here, Malcolm.
But if all you wanted to do was look at me, you could've pulled up a picture on your cell phone.
Or did your little girlfriend make you delete those too? Okay, it was unfair, all right? And hypocritical of me to cut off all contact with you because of Taylor.
I'm sorry.
Look, keisha, with the way that I felt about you, I had to do something drastic to try to move on.
So now you're trying to move back? I'm waving the white flag, keisha, and asking to have my friend back.
It's hard to get you out of my system.
You can make a lot of cash.
Well, I see you still know how to get my attention.
Pops is moving to the Bahamas, so I'm selling his mansion.
Would you be interested in being the realtor? Well, I've never been one to turn down a commission that big.
Hmm.
I'd do a grand estate auction.
That gets us a much quicker sale.
That's actually pretty smart.
I know.
It's what I do.
Then it's done.
You got the listing.
Well, how does Taylor feel about you wanting your friend back? I'm gonna have to ease her into this.
You know how it is.
But you're important enough to me that I'm willing to piss her off to have you back in my life.
So are we good? Yeah, until you piss me off.
Somebody's got scandalous plans.
Too obvious? Ooh.
The Teddy or your plans? I have decided tonight is the night with Reggie.
How exciting.
The first time you're with someone you care about is always so special.
I'm a little nervous.
I haven't had sex since Darryl.
I mean, I had fun with Dr.
Va-Jay-Jay, but we didn't do it.
Girl, it's been so long, I'm like a virgin.
And I'm like, "bitch, please.
" Thank you, keisha.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Me either.
Ha.
Did you ever drive a stick? I'm not trying to be nasty, but I hadn't driven one in ten years, and then I got behind the wheel, I put my hand right up on that knob-- mm-mm.
Mmm.
Mm, and it all came back to me.
So you said you weren't trying to be nasty? 'Cause I think my water just broke.
Have you and Charles been taking any rides? The moment hasn't presented itself yet.
But I trust the universe that when the time is right, it'll happen.
Well, the universe recently hooked me up at the laundromat.
His name is tom, and he's-- just look.
Here's his Facebook picture.
Ooh.
Ooh.
And that's us by the dryers.
Cute.
I liked the way he handled his delicates, so I asked him out.
Well, that's cool.
So, keisha, what's up with you and Sean? Just because you guys like to tell all your business doesn't mean I do.
Ah.
Hey.
Hey.
I thought we were meeting at my office later.
I was in the area, so I thought I'd save a trip.
Oh.
And here's my paperwork.
Thank you.
I'll fax over the preliminary auction invite list, so you can add your people.
Sounds good.
Good-bye, everybody.
Uh, excuse me.
What did I miss? Yeah.
I thought we hated him.
Is he still with Taylor? I can see why you wanted to keep your business to yourself, you hussy.
Nothing's going on.
But he finally apologized.
Then he gave me a listing.
So being the beautiful spirit I am, I have it in my heart to forgive And receive a hefty commission.
Hmm.
Wow.
Even though you guys aren't together, he is still trying to take care of you.
He needs to get a life.
I think it's romantic.
Like Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe, mm-hmm.
Even after their divorce, he was always there for her, coming to her rescue, checking her out of mental institutions.
Keisha, you have something to look forward to.
He even sent flowers to her grave twice a week until he died.
Y'all are tripping.
It's not that deep.
Huh? So I walk over to the blocks, feeling confident.
Then I look at the three girls I'm racing and think, "pfft, I've got this.
These bitches are out of shape.
" That gun went off, and all I saw were three fat asses in front of me.
No way.
They beat you? Smoked me.
I came in last.
I was so embarrassed.
But I learned my lesson.
Not to judge a book by its cover? Mm-mm.
To always win, because I can't stand how it feels to lose.
Well, most people would agree that winning is one of the best feelings in the world.
Actually, the moment right before you win, just before you cross that tape, the anticipation? That's the best feeling.
That's the smoke detector in my bedroom.
It's been going off randomly for the past two days, but I can't reach the damn thing.
Ah.
Okay.
Uh Well, this is kind of fun.
Come on, you're missing out.
Careful.
Okay, ready? Two Ah! Huh.
I am convinced there are certain things only a man can do.
Well, you know, I just--it's all good.
It's all good.
Mm, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guns? Those are nice.
That's nice? Yeah, that's real nice.
Whoa, whoa.
I don't want to do it like this.
Like what? We've both had a lot to drink tonight, so you know, I want us to be sober when we experience each other for the first time.
I appreciate that you're a gentleman, but we're adults.
I think we can ha-- trust me on this one.
Hi.
Hey.
Oh.
"Ten ways to make your man scream?" Oh, how'd I get on that page? I was reading recipes.
It's been a long time for me.
I just wanted to make sure I was up on my game tonight.
Tonight? I mean, if you're not busy.
I think I just confirmed some plans.
So good.
Getting tired yet? Nope.
Don't worry, I'll go all night till you get yours.
Mm-hmm.
Oh! Oh, God, yeah! Oh! Oh, God, yeah! Oh! Uh-huh.
You were that drunk? No, but we had had enough for Charles to think it'd be better if we waited.
Well, that was sweet of him.
Too sweet.
I was in full possession of my faculties.
So the next time I see him, I'm gonna be in full possession of his.
So what happened to all of that spontaneity? All these hormones.
Don't rush.
It may not live up to your expectations.
Uh-oh.
Sounds like things didn't go so well with you and Reggie.
It was bad.
Really bad.
Like, seriously, a trip to Walmart would've been more satisfying.
Oh, honey, sometimes that happens when you're both anxious and excited.
I guess, but he didn't seem nervous.
I mean, there was absolutely no finesse.
He was just on top of me, hammering away.
Ew.
I don't know.
Reggie and I are usually so in sync.
I mean, we have similar taste in music, in--in books and restaurants.
We even like the same kind of workout.
I just figured we'd click in bed.
I mean, we've all seen the dermatologist with bad skin, the dentist with jacked-up teeth, the beautician with crazy hair.
You can't assume a good friend will make a good lover.
Yeah.
Did you tell him it wasn't good for you? I didn't have the heart, especially after I faked an orgasm just to make him stop.
Well, that's not gonna help you with the real problem.
The man's not a mind reader.
If you want him to turn you on, you need to tell him how.
You're right.
And I feel so guilty for faking it.
Don't.
We've all done it.
Uh-uh.
No, we haven't.
Oh, come on, you've never? Not even once? Hell no.
Men get their egos stroked way too much as it is.
If I'm gonna lay down, he better be puttin' it down.
Agreed, but sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.
Name them.
Look, what if he's having a bad day and needs a pick-me-up, but you're just not in the mood? Or he's having a good day, wants to celebrate, and you're just not in the mood? Or it's his birthday, and you flew standby from Cleveland on a redeye in the middle seat next to a crying baby, and damn it, you're tired.
Girl, I'm gonna give you a pass on that one.
But still, faking it is not a good look.
Yeah, well, I'll tell you one person I've never had to fake it with.
Myself.
Holla! Okay, you sold me.
I'll get both sweaters.
And the jeans.
The way they fit, the women of Atlanta would be highly upset if I didn't make you buy them.
Well, when you put it like that, I'll take the jeans too.
Tyrone Bryant.
Call me Ty.
And you're Morgan, right? You know, I work down the street.
We should hook up for lunch sometime.
That sounds like fun.
Your total is $500.
32, but if you fill out an in-store survey, you can get an extra 10% off.
Thanks, but I don't have the time, and it's only gonna save me five bucks, so what's the point? Actually, 10% is $50, not $5.
Lucky you're cute, 'cause if you had to rely on your brains to impress women, you'd only get dates with strippers and skanks.
So see you soon? I don't think so.
I guess my joke offended him.
Well, he definitely wasn't laughing.
And it definitely was funny.
Oh, no.
Oh, hell no.
What's wrong? I just checked Facebook.
Tom posted pictures of us from our date.
Wow, you two are a gorgeous couple.
I know, aren't we? Look at this one.
Oh.
Still, that's a little fast.
We just started seeing each other.
He didn't even ask my permission to post them.
Not cool.
I was a little surprised when he friended me.
He what? He friended all my friends! What's wrong with that? Tom doesn't need to know everyone I know, and everyone I know doesn't need to know him, and definitely do not need to get updates on our every move.
This needs to be nipped in the bud.
You're breaking up with him? If he were an ordinary man, yes, but have you seen him? Mmm.
Exactly.
I'll just let him know he needs to back off--of Facebook, not me.
Better talk to him about Twitter too.
Okay, now that we've gotten the list completed, I'm gonna overnight the invitations.
I'm sure somebody on this list will meet your price.
I need it to go for $2 million.
And that's where we'll start the bidding.
Great.
As usual, you're on top of things.
Thank you.
Who'd have thought that we'd end up business partners? Stranger things have happened.
What the hell is going on? Taylor, lower your voice! Then tell your clingy little ex to let you go.
You need to move on.
You got it so wrong.
Do I? Really, keisha? Mm.
You look pathetic.
Check the mirror, honey.
I'm not the one causing a scene.
Malcolm, I'll be in touch.
She's got a lot of nerve.
No, Taylor, you've got a lot of nerve.
I'm not wrong here, Malcolm.
And you shouldn't be sneaking around behind my back.
Maybe not.
But you never should have asked me to stop seeing a friend.
She's more than that.
You're right.
Keisha's a good friend.
One I intend to keep.
And if you got a problem with that, then you need to reevaluate our relationship.
Now excuse me, I have to go show Mrs.
bowser the black diamonds that just came in.
Reggie! Reggie! That's right, call my name.
No, no! That is not why I'm calling your name.
I was hoping maybe we could slow it down? Huh? Maybe do it a different way? Yeah, I like it freaky too.
No.
No, no, no.
Not like that.
Just, um, okay, wait.
Uh, okay, maybe like this.
Oh, like this? Yeah, kind of.
You know what? Maybe I should get on top.
What's up with all these instructions? Last night you were screaming for this.
Yeah, because I was faking it.
What? I can't believe you did that.
No.
No, I know it was wrong, but no, Reggie, I just--I wanted our first time to be so great, and it wasn't, and I didn't know what else to do.
April, I've never gotten any complaints, so I'm not sure what your problem is.
No, Reggie, we can fix this.
Not tonight.
I'm out.
Come in, Charles.
Hey, babe, uh, I want you to meet my old college room-- aah! Whoa! Uh See, I knew I should have gotten security cameras after the robbery last year.
Seeing you fall off the couch with your ass hanging out would have been worth every penny.
Anyway, we ended up having a great dinner, and the way Charles and I were flirting with each other under the table, mmm, I thought for sure we were gonna sneak off to the bathroom.
Forget about dinner.
How was dessert? He didn't even come back to the apartment with me.
Instead, he took Zack out for drinks.
Interesting.
Reggie and I are sexually incompatible.
Well, good morning to you too.
I thought you were gonna talk to him, guide him through it.
I tried, but when he got all defensive and angry and told me how much I liked it last time, I told him how much I faked it.
You said it all agitated like that? Pretty much.
But, keisha, it doesn't matter how I said it or what I said because he doesn't know the difference between having sex and making love.
There's a difference? Uh, come on.
Yes.
Duh.
First of all, let me assure you, there's nothing wrong with hot, dirty, sexy sex.
Mm-mm.
Speak! The only dirty I do is the hot kind.
What's not to love about that? Nothing.
But making love has to have an emotional component.
Since when is horny not an emotion? Omar, stop being such a guy.
Yeah, sometimes we just want to be savored before we even get to intercourse, if we even get to it.
I mean, just touching and kissing and whispering and nuzzling all night can be so-- hey! I'm just playing.
I get it.
Women don't just want romance to get you into bed, you want romance in bed too.
Yes.
It's why when we really like a guy, we wait to sleep with him.
That's right.
The more sprung he gets, the deeper the connection gets.
It's what takes it to a higher plane.
I may not know what women want, but I do know men.
Reggie probably just felt stupid because you criticized him in bed.
No man wants to be told he can't rock your world.
Well, how else is he supposed to know what to do and how to do it? I think you should talk to him in a neutral place, away from the bedroom.
And sports.
That way he might be more receptive to hearing you out.
Maybe you should try it on Facebook like tom.
He just posted that Omar is a really wet kisser.
I am not! That bitch! Hey, you okay over there? Not really.
I think I might be coming down with something.
Aw, poor thing.
Go home and get some rest.
Are you sure? We're pretty busy, and you know I'm not one to just abandon my teammates when they need me.
I appreciate your dedication, Omar, but your health is more important.
Thanks.
I'd hug you, but I'd better keep my cooties to myself.
Ah! Congratulations.
When are you due? Word of advice, please give your baby a chance in life.
Don't name her sha-dynasty or cellular-phoniqua.
I'm not pregnant.
Oh.
My bad.
It's just your skin is so flawless, I thought you were glowing.
Morgan? I think you're doing a great job.
You fit right in, and you work really hard.
Thank you.
I love working here.
Good.
But I've gotten some complaints about your interpersonal skills.
You need to work on not blurting out whatever's on your mind.
I'm sorry.
I'll try.
It's not easy because I'm just being me.
But I guess I'm too honest and real for some folks.
Just a bit.
Excuse me, it's my daughter's school.
Hello? This is she.
Damn.
Hold on.
It's Nicole's principal.
She's in trouble, and he needs to meet with me.
Ooh.
I just sent Omar home.
But go ahead.
I'll manage.
Thanks again for lending us all those gorgeous pieces for my annual "damn! To glam" makeover show.
Did you get my flowers? Yes.
They were sweet but totally unnecessary.
Franks jewels will always be a friend to the Sharon love show.
Mmm, this I know.
And I appreciate you letting me crash your auction at the last minute.
Well, now that you've seen everything, tell me what you think, Sharon.
I think you're in excellent shape.
Thank you, but I was talking about the house.
Um, it's lovely, but it's way too big for little, ole me.
However, if you have any other large assets you're interested in showing, I'm interested in looking.
You flatter me.
But just so I'm clear, are you really saying it's a "no"? To the house.
"Yes" to anything else.
Sharon, you are too much.
So I've been told.
Oh, just look at that gorgeous crown molding.
It's so me, isn't it? It's imported from Italy.
The auction is starting soon.
Should we talk about a strong starting bid? Hmm.
I'm asking the house, and it's saying it has a lot of possibilities.
I love it! Really? 'Cause you just-- decided this place is perfect for me.
Okay.
I hope you're ready to bid high.
Hey, whatever it takes.
This house is mine.
Where shall I sit? I'm ready to acquire this property.
Don't even try it, you dusty witch.
Everybody knows, once I made up my mind, it's a done deal.
Oh? Haven't you heard? Whatever laila wants, laila gets.
Either way, I'm getting a big, fat commission, so may the best diva win.
Watch your step.
I love your music, Ms.
twilight.
I have all your cds.
May I get a photo? Of course.
Thank you.
Pleasure.
I love having fans.
Love it.
Oh.
I never got a chance to ask you how things went with Taylor after I left the other day.
Oh, it's been handled.
We're all good.
Well, I hope you were nice to her because I thought about it.
It would have made me feel uncomfortable to walk into that.
I handled it the way it needed to be handled, keisha.
She'll be fine.
Listen, we're not doing anything wrong, and this is gonna be rough for a minute.
Let's get this thing started.
Okay.
Good afternoon.
I'm keisha Greene of elkhardt realty.
I'm nervous.
It's my pleasure to begin the auction for this incredible property for the starting bid of $2 million.
$2 million several times over.
Excellent.
Do I hear 2.
1? Do I hear 2.
2? Do I hear 2.
-- $2.
5 million! Ms.
Sharon love at 2.
5 million.
Do I hear 2.
6? $3 million.
Hello, everybody.
Hi, how are you? In cash.
So there you go, trying to steal my house just like you stole the group 15 years ago! Save you anger for your little daytime show.
You really need to get a guru, meditate.
Shh.
Now the bidding stands at 3 million.
Do I hear 3.
1? Only if you're referring to her IQ.
Sharon.
Singing was my dream, and you stole that from me when you kicked me out of caramel and honey.
Please, this is not the time nor place.
Thank you.
Sit down.
You're embarrassing yourself and your whole race.
You are not Diana, and you are not the boss.
Ladies, please.
You better get your hand out of my face before I get it out for you.
A girl fight.
No, Bruno, I've got it.
This is something I've been needing to handle for a long time.
Don't let the light skin fool you.
I'm still from South Philly.
Come on.
Get it together, ladies! Have some dignity! Stop, damn it! You're ruining the auction! Now you've done it! No! Aah! Whoa! Aw, man! Aah! You are-- I gotta call my guru.
I feel the heat.
Why do we always end up in a pool together with our clothes on? I don't know, but I'm glad I finally got you back for throwing me in the pool that other time.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
Taylor.
Great.
You said it would be rough.
I believe it just got rougher.
Is everything okay with Nicole? It will be.
She got two weeks' detention for popping off at a substitute teacher.
Two weeks? What did she say? The guy spelled Germany with two "m"s, and she said, "you're lucky you're cute because your brains can't even attract oxygen.
" I'm sorry.
I know it's not a laughing matter.
She gets that mouth from me.
I need to set a better example.
And I will.
Everywhere.
Reggie, I am really sorry.
It was wrong of me to fake it, and I promise I will never do it again.
Why did you even have to? I've been thinking about it, and Is there something, you know, wrong down there? What? No! No, I am perfectly capable of hav-- look, Reggie, I really like you, and I want this to work, but I really need you to listen and understand why I did it.
I'm listening.
Okay.
Um, during sex, you're moving to the main event way too fast for me.
It's called desire.
Excitement.
At least that's what it is for me.
No, no, me too.
But I want to build to, then maintain the excitement.
You know, I just want you to consider both of our needs and not just yours.
I thought I was doing that.
It's like, um--oh, remember when you taught me how to lift weights? Yeah, yeah.
Your form was all girly and wrong and all over the place.
Right, but then you showed me how to position myself, breathe properly, and take every repetition slowly, and now I get the maximum results every time that I work out.
So you're trying to improve my form? So that we both get maximum results.
Every time.
Well, I'd like to get some tips right now.
Yep.
How's this? Master class.
My apartment now.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
You make me so mad, laila.
Like the time when I told my viewers that I was done with pork, and you told tmz it was a professional courtesy.
Well, I only said that because you said I was such a sellout, they should call my grammy award a "mammy award.
" I never said that, but I did laugh.
Well, I know you told Sony to make you lead singer of the group because I was a talentless diva that didn't know a major fifth from a fifth of vodka.
Well, they didn't call you "tilt" because your pinball game was lousy.
But I never told them to replace you as lead in the group.
Benny did that.
Hell no.
He said it was your idea.
Of course he did.
Because I found out he was skimming the profits.
What? He still works for me.
He probably still stealing too.
I can't believe a lying manager made me turn on my best friend.
Laila, I miss you so much.
Me too! We have so much time to make up for.
When you two are done bff-ing, the bidding stands at 3 million.
If you have your heart set on this place, shay shay, you take it.
No, lay lay, you take it.
I was just trying to outbid you out of revenge.
Oh.
Uh, speaking of, your bid is on record, laila.
Legally, I can hold you to it.
So sue me.
Come on, we have some major catching up to do.
You have to see my new plane.
Oh, my God, a plane? Yes.
Why don't we reveal it on the Sharon love show? You know, sweeps are coming.
Perfect.
I have a new cd to promote.
It's called all about me.
I like your English accent.
Wait.
Please, don't leave.
I can restart the auction in just a few minutes.
Wow.
Oh, wow.
Oh, what you said.
That was amazing.
Mm-hmm.
You go to the head of the class, Reggie westfield.
Thank you.
For hanging in and not bailing on me.
I had no idea how much better sex could be like this.
With guidance? With you.
That was quick.
I thought you had a date with jobari.
I did, but he apparently doesn't share my sense of humor.
I laughed when he tripped and fell on the sidewalk.
Did you apologize? No.
But when I said "doofus," it was with real affection.
I know.
I'm working on it.
Omar! Feeling better today? Yes, thank you.
It must have been that Good thing I toughed it out at home because it was not pretty.
Oh, I know.
If I had gone on every ride at six flags, I'd be sick to my stomach too.
Great pictures though.
Raquel, I'm sorry I-- don't worry, I'm gonna let you slideThis time.
But lie to me again, and I'll put you on a whole other kind of roller coaster ride.
Now, see if you can do as good a job tagging this new stock as tom did tagging your photos.
Ooh.
"Dear tom: De-tag me, de-friend me, de-vorce me.
We are d-o-n-e!" Oh! Ooh! Even though I'm unofficially boycotting all social media, your baptism video remains a guilty pleasure.
You know, whatever.
I still looked good.
And even though the auction didn't go as planned-- understatement.
Thanks to the pub from Sharon and laila's "reunion," the property's hot again.
I'm already fielding offers.
At the very least, you deserve a healthy commission out of it.
Which was all it was about in the first place.
Trust.
Taylor? Can I help-- hello, Raquel.
Excuse me.
We need to talk.
Uh, sure.
We don't really know each other, but there's something about me I think you do need to know.
And what would that be, Taylor? I love him.
But whoever said "love is blind" was dead wrong because I see what's going on here.
Okay, well, tell me then.
You have a hold on him.
Still.
And I don't need to dig through his pockets or search his emails because it's right here, staring me in the face.
If you've ever loved, I mean really, deeply loved, then you know how this has to feel.
Taylor, for the last time, there's nothing going on between me and Malcolm.
I know men can make you a little crazy, but I need you to get a grip for your own sanity.
Let him go, keisha.
Please.
Or else you need to realize that I will fight for my man.
Okay.
Sounds like we're done here.
I know I am.
Well, thanks for listening, just the same.
Good evening, beautiful.
I'd like for it to be, so I'm gonna get right to it.
Is there a reason you're holding out on meSexually? What? Because I really want to be with you, but you haven't seemed interested the last few times, and I can't figure out why.
Did I do something? Oh, God, no.
Uh, I thought you understood what I was doing.
You know, we talked about it, so I just assumed-- talked about what? About how much you love anticipation.
So I was trying to give you that.
Oh! That's what's been going on? Yeah.
What did you think was happening? I don't know.
Wow.
Okay.
That's really sweet of you.
But just for the record Totally done with anticipation.
I'm ready.
Really ready.
Have you ever tried tantric sex? No.
Why? Is that what you want to do now? I think you'll like it.
You game? Anything with you, I'm game.
Okay.
Let's get in the yab yum position.
Get down.
There you go.
Okay.
Now what? We stare at each other.
Okay.
Now what? We get as close as we can and take in each other's breath.
Sorry.
Mmm Something, isn't it? Oh, no, no, no.
Look at me.
I can't imagine it gets any better than that, ever.