Space: 1999 s02e10 Episode Script

- Hello.
- Hi.
- Did you get some oil on yourself? - Sure.
- Can I take these? - Mm-hm.
Help yourself.
- Where did this come from? - What are you talking about? This funny box.
I wonder who Oh, I can't see.
- 'Medical Centre.
' - Emergency.
Commander, medical emergency in the recreation centre.
'Recreation Centre, report.
' - I can't see.
- Come on, let me see it.
Come on.
We've got some head abrasions, shock, blindness.
She just picked that thing up.
(Koenig) 'What happened?' It's a small glowing object she picked up.
'Nobody touch it.
I'll get security on it.
'Alpha personnel! Report immediately any object of unfamiliar appearance.
'Objects have been small, multi-coloured, and may be glowing.
'Do not touch.
' Report at once.
Repeat, do not touch.
The abrasions are superficial.
The blindness SEEMS temporary.
The science lab computer says they're not weapons.
How did they breach security? (Man) 'Ahoy there! Permission to land.
' Identify yourself.
'Ahoy, Alpha.
Permission to land.
- 'Can you hear me?' - Anything, Maya? Screen clear.
'AHOY! Alpha!' Permission to land refused.
Alert security.
- I want Eagles ready for lift-off.
- 'Hold it! 'I come in peace.
Don't go setting off Eagles to fly on my account.
' - I said identify yourself.
- 'Coming, ready or not!' The name of your ship? Who are you? (Man) Taybor's the name.
Taybor's the name.
Trading's my game.
Master of the SS Emporium.
Greetings, friends.
(Chuckles) (Taybor) Rather ominous and lethal appearing, isn't it? But as harmless as an infant's rag doll, I do assure you.
No fears.
A mere illusion.
I myself am quite unarmed, as you can see.
But weapon-like instruments of any kind rattle my nerves, so if you woulder You didn't identify yourself and sudden appearances unnerve us.
I have been scanning you for some little time so I knew it would be perfectly safe for me to come aboard.
There.
Now I truly am among friends.
You know, from my scanning observations I would say you are Commander Koenig, the skipper of this trusty moon.
And the charming Dr Russell.
Mr Verdeschi, your security really is splendid.
And you? You must be the one who goes by the name of Maya.
Such beauty is food to intoxicate the soul.
(Koenig) Where'd you come from? Just now? Trading my wares at the Three-World Fair on Azoth.
Or do you mean, where do I come from? Soil, did I say? Dust is the truth of it if you know Pinvith the Lesser.
Pinvith? frontier world of Shmagod, on the inner vesica route.
You may well wonder at my humble origins and how a lad from Pinvith the Lesser has dragged himself from the wrong side of the world on the wrong side of the wrong galaxy in the wrong universe to haul himself up by the graviton straps, so to speak, and to venture forth in search of beauty.
Beautiful things, beautiful people.
I've made it my special trade among other items, of course.
My credentials, sir.
My Trader's Licence is renewed.
It's valid anywhere for the next four years.
But enough gossip about myself.
I surely hope my little gifts announced my honest intentions preceding my coming aboard.
Gifts? Your gifts have put one of my technicians into a catatonic trance and badly burned and nearly blinded a hydroponic assistant.
Skipper, believe me, only a baby could mishandle those simple toys! Oh, I see I presumed too much on the intelligence of your people.
Letting children play with fire.
The instructions were clearly colour-coded.
The coding was supposed to be idiot-proof Is your race colour-blind by any chance? No.
Doctor, can I do anything? I have excellent medicines.
Yes.
The burns are healing, but we can't diagnose the trance caused by the cylindrical object.
- The memory amplifier? - A technician picked it up.
Picked it up?! It's harmless, but you're supposed to TOUCH it.
You can recall a forgotten number, or where you put something if you can't remember where Holding it.
I'd say your technician will be in a trance state for about 12 hours.
The treatment? Treatment! Your technician is blissfully happy recalling forgotten childhood memories.
It would be harmful to disturb him! Especially if he has an eye for beauty.
Does your species of humanoid require food and drink for sustenance? We do.
Then I beg you to extend your hospitality to this traveller.
I'm starving! I'm sorry.
I imagined on your ship Deep space rations, all very well but the satisfaction of fine food and drink trusting your food is edible, makes bargaining a pleasure, don't you agree? (Laughter) Ah! Nectar, Mr Verdeschi.
Pure nectar.
Best meal I've had since the Rainbow Room at the Astra.
That merited two starbursts in "The Gourmet's Guide to The Galaxy.
" - You brew the hops? - Yes, it's a hobby of mine.
I'm getting closer to perfecting it all the time.
That On a scale of one to ten, I'd give it six for potency and three for flavour.
I'm glad you like it.
Some people don't appreciate it.
Who, me? Well, it's my doctor.
Well, medically speaking, I'd have to label it "unfit for human consumption.
" Much as I hesitate to disagree with two such beautiful ladies, your beer is a delight to the palate.
- Mr Taybor - Taybor! Just Taybor, Skipper.
Taybor If we could discuss Trade? I'm always ready to discuss trade.
I'm interested in this ale of yours, for instance.
A sign of friendship on my planet, Maya.
(Gasps) Now, we're friends.
Yes.
Well, now, Skipper, what exchange interests you? Well, I'm curious about one thing, how did your ship appear without our sensors picking it up? Your tracking devices cannot penetrate hyperspace.
Hyperspace? Where is hyperspace? (Drunkenly) Everywhere that isn't space.
What drives your ship? My old tub? Just a normal jump-drive intergalactic! - Jump-drive? - You know, switch on, set direction co-ordination in hyperspace.
Oh, have to let the old girl warm up a bit nowadays.
Thenjump! Anywhere in the universe in a minute! Anywhere? Could we build this jump-drive? Could you explain how it works? I don't know how it works.
I am Taybor the Trader, not a mechanic.
The lousy old girl takes me where I want to go! Surely you have a drive manual, diagrams that explain how it works? Diagrams! A diagram? Ship diagram for people You, who You (Laughing) .
.
can't even manage a child's toy without danger to life and limb.
(Belches) Drunk as a trader.
He won't be able to answer any more questions until he sleeps it off.
(Koenig) He knows more about that ship's drive than he's telling.
Most people can do a lot of things, operate a computer, for instance, without the slightest idea how it works.
That ship is inter-galactic.
If I could trade him for the plans to that jump-drive and get us home, I'd give the Earth.
- You can only give him the moon.
- Alpha is primitive junk to him.
- What do we have that he wants? - You are suspicious, Tony.
Anybody who likes my beer can't be trusted, right? (All) Right! (Taybor grumbles) My dear friends not much to look at, is she? But after all, she is just a cargo ship.
Could she carry human cargo? - To where? - A habitable planet.
In your travels you must have seen a planet compatible with our needs.
Well, I've docked at many a space port, Skipper, but while they all have their share of goods to offer there's none that would suit you.
Could you take us on an exploratory trip? Let us check out the planets you think are most habitable? And let us decide for ourselves.
In hyperspace with jump-drive, I can take you anywhere.
What about Earth? Can you get us to Earth? (Grumbles) Yes, I suppose so! Earth.
He could take us home.
You my lovely bird you share Dr Russell's joy at the prospect of going home? Enough to grant me some small token of that joy? My home is the planet Psychon.
Psychon? Well, I bypassed it once.
I didn't stop.
The mist was too murky.
Very poor visibility for landing.
I can take you there after we drop the others off.
It no longer exists.
Well, now, Skipper, what's in all this for me? Draw up a contract for one moon.
Its fixtures, fittings, spacecraft, libraries, machines, it's all yours.
Are you the rightful owner of this moon in law? Well, I guess, yes.
You guess? How can you guarantee I won't find you've landed me with a pack of whole-worlders disputing your claim of possession with outstanding mortgages on the property? Get us back, it's all yours.
You haven't, by any chance, been sent away, have you? - What do you mean? - This could be a penal colony.
No, this isn't a penal colony.
Maybe you should be in the brig for injuring our people with your playthings.
- Tony.
- Well.
My apologies, Skipper.
I'm sorry, I You meet some strange types in space.
I got carried away by overprecautions.
Of course, you're all good people.
I-I'm sorry.
Could I doubt ladies of such beauty and distinction? A beauty unequalled on a thousand planets.
So, you want to return to your Earth? This galaxy? - No.
Galaxy M-104.
- Oh (Taybor) Ah, 104.
I can't say I recall it.
Interesting, though.
It's the first inter-galactic moon I've come across.
I can't explain it.
- There have been spacewarps.
- Doors into hyperspace.
So you DO jump.
Now, let me find this M-104 of yours on my charts.
Which quadrant? It's halfway between PKS 114800 and 3C454.
Can't say that rings a bell.
Which universal quadrant? It's a spiral galaxy.
It's right near NGC 185 and M33.
It's a small cluster of 30 or so.
- You DO know the quadrant, skipper? - I can screen a general diagram.
I'm sure you can match it with your charts.
General diagram? Match up? It doesn't work that way.
If you can't tell me the quadrant, you can't give me the routing angle, - can you? - No.
Or the sub-cluster or the spindrift.
Well, I'm sorry.
I just can't fix co-ordinates.
At least, where are we now? That's where you are.
It's a big universe.
A lonely place to wander in.
Come on, let me cheer you up.
Come aboard the SS Emporium, see what you fancy.
Thank you, Taybor.
John.
Is it a good idea to board his ship? - I want that jump-drive.
- I know.
But he may have ideas about jump-driving us into space and taking over Alpha.
I've already offered him Moonbase Alpha.
He's turned it down.
All right, Taybor, let's go.
Splendid, Skipper.
Come.
Allow me to pipe you aboard.
My home.
The old Emporium.
Registered in Kantonrex for tax purposes.
It's like an art gallery.
Without beauty surrounding him, a man's soul corrodes into dust.
Do you know how many years, how much effort to accumulate this incomparable collection? Taybor.
If we adapted your drive to our Eagles we'd have a chance.
Show me how it works and I'll trade you anything, anything we've got.
There you are, Skipper.
The jump-drive.
I honestly do not understand it myself.
That terrifying jumble is cast in one piece with no moving parts.
How do you start it? You switch that on.
Something happens to all this, I suppose.
Once activated, it sets up some sort of chain reaction.
If we come to terms I'll let you study it.
But all you'll get is a headache, I can assure you.
And that jumps you into hyperspace? I never did understand.
But let me show you the most beautiful sight in creation.
Tony! John! Do you read me? Come in, John! (Helena) What's he up to? Taybor the Trader.
- They must be in hyperspace.
- Security, get Fraser and McDougall.
Check out the area where the alien ship landed.
(Man) 'Yes, sir.
' What does he want with John? Ransom? No, that wouldn't make sense.
He could've taken anything anytime.
'Eagle 1 to Command Centre.
'Empty space here.
No sign of anything.
' Search patterns.
Everything in the book! Maya, you know about hyperspace.
Where is that ship? I don't know.
It could be a million light-years away.
- There's no way of figuring.
- If you can't figure, guess! (Taybor) Beautiful, isn't it? The unending totality of hyperspace.
It never ceases to move me deeply.
How can this ship register hyperspace? We're not just registering it.
We are there! - You've left Alpha? - You too, Skipper.
No! No, we haven't left Alpha.
Koenig to Alpha.
Come in, Alpha.
(Taybor chuckles) That won't work out here, my friend.
Out here? What do you mean? You said we haven't left Alpha.
We haven't.
Space has.
The Emporium is positioned exactly where she was on your moon.
Not moved one inch.
But WE have shifted from common-or-garden continuum space to this dimension.
More of a non-dimension, to be precise.
Put me through to my Command Centre.
I can't with the shift on stasis and the jump-drive not warmed up.
You were able to teleport before.
Yourself and your gadgets.
Yes.
The drive was still warm after the jump.
I thought you said you wanted to get away from Alpha.
Where are you taking me? To the zoo where you belong or better still, the slave market on Shaymonol.
No games, Taybor.
Get me back.
That was a joke, Skipper.
Right now I don't have a sense of humour.
One teensy little joke and you think you're on your way to the zoo.
You actually take me seriously.
The zoo! (Laughs) The slave market.
All right, Taybor.
I enjoyed seeing hyperspace and your joke was very funny.
Do we get down to discussing a trade or do you get me back to Alpha? Both, Skipper, both, I promise you.
Ah, look, the old drive has warmed up.
We could still sneak off for a couple of drinks on Aion Five.
Only kidding, Skipper.
Can't resist it.
Estimated time of arrival, (Beep) - Alpha, do you read me? - 'John! Where are you?' - ETA, 30 seconds.
- (Helena) 'Where?' Same place as before.
Fraser, McDougall, get the hell out of there.
- What? - Step on it.
- 'Clear that area.
' - Why? If you want to stay alive, get out fast.
Faster! You're all clear.
Well done.
OK, Eagles, return to base.
Satisfied? Taybor Just what is it you want to trade? Maya, Skipper.
Maya! Think of her amidst all this beauty.
Think of this beauty enhanced by her essence.
No, Taybor, the answer is still no.
You want the jump-drive, Skipper? - Maya is not mine to give away.
- Pity.
Those are my terms.
- Maya for the jump-drive.
- No deal.
You don't value your return to Earth as much as I thought.
Anything.
Anything else on Alpha.
Well, that seems to put an end to all discussion, doesn't it? Alone.
Alone all alone.
Alone on a wide, wide sea.
But you wouldn't know about that, would you, Skipper? Being alone.
Loneliness.
Taybor.
What if it didn't have to be that way? What if I did give Maya to you? Skipper, you mean that? A duplicate Maya.
An exact likeness.
A perfect image.
To travel with you everywhere you go in the universe.
Able to talk to you in her voice, in Maya's voice.
You'd never be alone again.
You'd always have Maya with you.
What's more, she'd never grow old.
She'd always be beautiful, Taybor.
Always be beautiful.
Never grow old.
Oh, Skipper, you're as adept a trader as Taybor.
If she'll be as you say, it's a deal.
A bit more of a smile on her face.
Ah, lovely.
Dr Russell, could she have a little more of a wide-eyed expression? How's that? (Sighs) Perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
Are you really my beauty? (Maya clone) Yes, Taybor.
Ahoy there, Skipper.
Well, Taybor? 'She is beyond perfection.
'As if she's been aboard forever.
'A creature of beauty to bring cheer and warmth 'into the life of this lonely wanderer.
' A waxwork dummy with a computer voice.
He's not right in the head.
He's too all right in the head.
Then you accept, Taybor? 'I accept, Skipper.
The jump-drive is yours.
'It's going to take me some time to decipher the master diagram.
'Meanwhile, you can concentrate on the more rudimentary elements.
'Call it a pre-orientation before you get to the brain-boggling parts.
'You should be receiving it now.
' Got it, Taybor.
Thanksfor the diagram.
Everyone on Alpha is very anxious to trade wares with you.
- 'Delighted.
' - In the recreation centre.
One hour.
Mr Verdeschi and Maya will help.
I'll join you later.
'I'll be waiting for you.
' There's a little man in my head that says you trust him less than I do.
- If that's possible.
- It's possible.
I shall take you to the ends of the universe, my flower, to sights unseen except by these eyes of mine.
There is one planet far beyond the beaten stars.
A paradise.
You will love it.
- I will love it, Taybor.
- That's what I like to hear.
(Taybor) Come, come, dear people, don't be bashful.
I shall repeat again, it will bring you sunshine where there is none.
Or it will bring you soft trade winds from the planet Med where the sound of gentle waters rolling upon the sands will lull you in peace as though it were a symphony, as though the music of the universe were being piped into your ears.
Or THIS a mirror from the mountain mystics from the planet Shand.
Look into this mirror and see your former images come to life again.
Renew your youth.
See your loved ones.
What am I traded for this priceless item? - The silver ball for my bonsai tree.
- Done.
- This sweater for the mirror.
- Done.
The silver ball and mirror for this.
Took me three years to make.
Done.
Dear Dr Russell, one precious moment.
Patience, my friends.
I wanted to thank you for the creation of my lovely Miss Maya.
A small token of my appreciation.
It is essence of the planet Hermosia, gathered from hyperspace by robot ships while its sun was going nova.
It's aptly named Infidelity, considering the sudden disappearance of its life-giving orb.
- That's very kind of you but - Say no more.
It is my gift.
I insist.
Try it at once, for me.
All right.
I'll try it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Well, my dear Alphans, I am afraid that is the last of my wares.
(Groaning) Oh, oh, the last.
You have stripped me bare.
However, I will see what I can rummage up when I return to my ship.
I thank you all for the honour of being able to trade with you.
OK, Maya, we better get back to Command Centre.
Taybor, I'm sure the commander will be in touch.
I'm sure.
I can compute the figures of the trading.
That won't be necessary, my dear Miss Maya.
I could not leave without presenting you with a small memento.
- It's beautiful.
- Not so beautiful as you.
From the rocks of the ice caves of the planet of North Iridescence.
My eternal gratitude for your patience in helping to bring the image of your beauty into my life.
- I must show it to Helena.
- Allow me to accompany you.
No objections, Mr Verdeschi? All right.
I'll see you in Command Centre.
Who is she? You don't know who she is? Never saw her before in my life.
- What are those? - Collections, my jewel.
Priceless riches for the gratification of those who can appreciate true beauty.
We are leaving? Soon.
But I've promised the Skipper that I will be waiting for him.
I always keep my promise.
For we must say goodbye.
Taybor's trading session over? Yeah.
He does put on a good sideshow! I've got to admit.
- Where's Maya? - She stopped off at Helena's.
Wanted to show her a going-away present from Taybor.
(Bleep) Helena - Come in, John.
- Helena, I The fragrance of this perfume is beautiful, isn't it? - It's out of this world.
- Hmm, out of this world.
- Where did you get it? - Don't ask questions.
Justtalk to me.
Make me laugh.
Love me.
- It's beautiful.
It's strong and - Oh, it's beautiful.
And the wonderful thing about Taybor's perfume is that it makes you feel like doing whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it.
And the moon can just keep rolling by.
Taybor's perfume.
Wait a minute, it's not right.
- It's beautiful.
- Something's not right.
- It's right, John.
- Taybor's perfume.
Helena, it distorts the mind.
Be free, John, float in space.
'Taybor's tricked us.
Listen to me! 'Helena, listen, we've been tricked! - 'We've been tricked.
' - 'No.
' Are you all right? Yeah, I-I'm all right.
Relax.
Relax.
We shall be leaving soon.
Leaving soon.
Link me up with Taybor's ship.
(Taybor) 'You've never been unlinked, Skipper.
' 'I just couldn't depart without saying goodbye.
' I must say, you Alphans are children when it comes to trading.
We've kept our end of the bargain, Taybor.
Give Maya back.
Give her back? Well, I wouldn't want you wandering around the universe saying Taybor the Trader was dishonest.
Can't afford to have my licence revoked.
So you shall have your Maya back.
(Taybor cackles) 'Did you think I'd settle for a copy, Skipper? 'I only collect originals.
' Send me back, Taybor.
Now, now, Miss Maya.
I'm willing to marry you, if being a bride is what you wish.
They're moving into hyperspace.
Yasko, scan the area where Taybor's ship was standing.
(Yasko) There, sir.
(Koenig) Nothing.
- OK.
- What do you mean, OK? We will travel the galaxies together, tasting of their wonders.
I want to go back to Alpha.
Not only is your beauty breathtaking, but you have the spirit of a wild, untamed beast! You don't know how wild, Taybor.
(Growls) A transmorph! 'You never told me that my beauty was a transmorph! 'Now, that wasn't very honest of you, Skipper.
' You never asked.
- 'Goodbye, Skipper.
' - Wait! 'Taybor the Trader has completed his transaction - 'the best to date.
' They're in hyperspace, we'll never get her back.
I think we will.
I planted a limpet transmitter on his ship.
- We have contact? - Exactly.
- Yasko, open channel D-4.
- Yes, sir.
You'll come to love it here, one day, my pretty.
- Send me back.
- What? Lose my most beautiful possession? We're in hyperspace.
There is no way you can return.
Alpha cannot even contact us.
Frequency open, Commander.
Maya, we have a limpet transmitter attached to Taybor's space ship.
'We know you're in hyperspace and cannot get you back.
' Remember, Taybor surrounds himself with beauty, that's why you're there.
'Please try to understand.
'Try to understand.
' It seems the skipper is more perceptive than I thought.
Yes.
I understand.
You wanted no longer to be lonely, Taybor.
You wanted companionship.
Yes, my beauty.
Yes.
Then you shall have it, Taybor, my love.
(Laughs) No.
No! Please, you can't do this to me.
You can't be the one to desecrate the beauty of all I've gathered.
Please change.
I have locked myself in this form and I will stay with you forever.
You foolish metamorph.
I'm giving you the opportunity to be surrounded by beauty forever.
Taybor, you know everything about hyperspace.
But you know NOTHING about inner space.
I will be the judge of where I want to be and I want to be back on Alpha! Please change.
Change back again.
You've got to stay with me.
I'll make you stay with me.
All right, Taybor.
I will stay with you.
It will be your pleasure to look at me in this form, a female reflection of yourself, forever.
(Wails) Forever.
Forever.
- Maya! - Maya! - You all right? It's really you? - Thank you, Commander.
He only wanted beautiful things around him.
- Lucky you don't qualify.
- Not nice.
You know, I could've had a hairdo at the Astra on Azoth.
You could have.
If I'd said the word, Taybor would have given me the universe.
Universe, sure! Rabbits out of a hat.
He was nothing more than a con man.
Commander, I'm getting reports that the trader's goods are vanishing.
All our things are reappearing.
Kate's sweater, Yasko's bonsai, Dr Vincent's ship, outside the bottle.
Well, looks as if Taybor's a sore loser after all.
If you'd said the word he'd have given you the universe(?) Well, he had a nice way of speaking, unlike some people I know.
The thing is to beware of traders bearing gifts.
I was just thinking of that perfume Taybor gave you.
Keep thinking.
We don't need Taybor's perfume.