Taxi (1978) s02e10 Episode Script

( theme music playing ) Bobby, I really appreciate you taking the time to console me.
Oh, that's okay, that's okay.
Must be a real drag for you.
Now, come on, you got to look on the bright side of things, huh? Now, look at me.
I was dropped from the same stupid soap opera, right? You don't see me crying, do you? What do you see me doing, huh? Driving a cab! ( wails ) A beer, please.
Oh, excuse me a second, Joyce, okay? Thank you.
Hi, Alex.
Hi, Bob.
How are you? Okay.
Am I glad to see you.
Yeah? Listen there's this girl I-- lady-- you know, that I think you'd really like to meet.
I'd like to introduce Oh, Bob, thanks, but no thanks.
The last lady you introduced me to kept talking about how all the world's problems could be solved if everybody practiced nude skydiving.
Thank you very much.
But Alex, I mean, really, you're going you're going to like Joyce, believe me.
Bob, no, no, no.
Bob, please, will you? She's really nice.
Oh, Joyce? Joyce, I'd like you to meet my friend and fellow cab driver Alex Rieger.
Alex, this is my friend and coactor Joyce Rogers.
Hello.
How do you do? I believe this is yours.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What? You realize that, in some primitive cultures, that would mean we're married? ( giggles ) ( brays ) Well, you two don't need me hanging around, do you? What are you talking about? Bob, what are you doing? Alex, Alex, please, listen.
I got to go.
I got to go.
( Joyce cries loudly ) ( sobbing ) ( keens ) So, uh tell me, you cry here often? Believe it or not, I'm crying like this because I just got fired.
Oh.
That's one good thing about being a cab driver: You never have to worry about getting fired from a good job.
For eight years, I played Blanche Bain, the villain, on For Better, For Worse.
I was voted the most despised woman on daytime TV three years in a row.
Hey, hey, hey.
Congratulations.
Suddenly they decide I'm a little too old to destroy happy homes.
No kidding? Hey, listen, if I ever have a happy home, you have a standing invitation to come and destroy it anytime you like.
I'll remember that.
( starts to laugh ) Ah ( bawls again ) Hey, come on, come on.
Joyce Joyce, Joyce.
Look, the way I see it, you have two choices.
I mean, you can stay here and feel sorry for yourself or you can look this thing square in the eye and say, "I'm not going to let this get me down! "At least not until I've had dinner "with that swashbuckling ne'er-do-well Alex Rieger.
" Do you often lose control like that? No.
I guess I must have meant it.
Well, in that case, let's have dinner.
What a great idea.
Come on, let's go.
Wait.
What's wrong with this place? Mario's? No, you don't want to eat here.
Why not? You see those framed documents on the wall? Well, those are subpoenas from the Board of Health.
This is my winter home.
Wow.
Where's your summer home? I open the windows.
Well, Alex, it's, uh, very nice.
Yes.
I'm kind of proud of it.
I've decorated it myself.
Really? Yep.
That's very interesting.
Oh, you like that? That's my favorite.
The vase is from the Ming Dynasty.
The Ming dynasty? Yeah.
The Ming Dynasty.
That's a little shop down on 17th street.
( laughs ) Oh Alex, there's something I got to tell you.
You're a man! I just don't think you should get involved with me.
I'm trouble.
I'm a basket case.
And I just happen to be an extraordinarily stable human being.
Isn't it fortunate that we should meet? One like you and one like me? I'm serious.
So am I.
Okay, let's make an agreement right now.
while we both have clear heads, that we're not going to get involved.
I mean, we're just two people out on a nice date.
Oh, right.
That sounds like a lot more fun anyway.
( cackles ) So tell me something about yourself.
I mean, have you been married or? Oh, yes.
How'd it turn out? So far, terrific.
( loudly: ) Dear, I have company.
Don't come out for a while.
She stays in there all the time.
God, you make me laugh.
Come here and kiss me.
Kiss you? You just made me promise not to get involved.
We didn't shake on it.
Right, and I had my fingers crossed all the time.
Oh, this is ( groans ) It'll never work.
This is crazy.
Crazy? Right.
Who'd want to do a thing like that? Lips touching lips! Yuck! What a terrible thought.
Alex, I'm no good for you.
I mean, you're a terrific guy and I don't want to hurt you Okay, fine.
fine.
So what we'll do is just have a couple of glasses of wine, and talk.
That's very wise.
That requires a trip to the wine cellar.
To the wine cellar.
Well, but Alex you do kind of sense some kind of attraction between us.
No, only a strong animal one.
This could be very dangerous, Mr.
Rieger.
I think we have a definite problem here.
Well, the only problem that I can see is that you seem to be running hot and cold, and I seem to be running hot and hotter.
Every time you say something funny I want to kiss you.
Oh I wish you didn't tell me that.
I'm going to be very self-conscious now because, every time I make a joke, you're going to think I'm just doing it to try to get a A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar The priest said, "So, rabbi, what will you be drinking now?" And the rabbi said, "So what's it to you?" Do you mind if we just jump to the punch line? Hello, everybody.
ALL: Hi, Alex.
Hey, Jim, how are you, Jim? Louie, how's tricks? Ooh, somebody's in good spirits today.
Oh, that's the reason I caught myself whistling while shaving.
You wild, impetuous fool.
Yeah.
And, just before that, I bumped into a chair and told the chair I was sorry.
I guess I'm in trouble when I start talking to the furniture, right? No, you're in trouble when it goes to the door and scratches to go out.
Well I got to go.
See you later.
So long, Jim.
Hey, Alex, Does the good mood have anything to do with Joyce? No, Tony.
He's just thrilled about being a cab driver.
Oh, I get that way myself sometimes.
Is it Joyce? Well, we've been getting along quite well.
Actually, we've been getting along very well.
Actually, she's one of the most interesting women I've ever met.
Hey, that's great, Alex.
These have been the most interesting two weeks.
I mean, they've been fantastic! There's always something interesting about her.
I mean, you know, when she's happy, she's the happiest person in the world.
And, when she's sad, she could break your heart.
I mean, she goes full out, you know? It's like being on a roller coaster and hoping the ride never ends, if you know what I mean.
( men oohing ) LOUIE: Latka! What do you think you're doing? Listening to my friend Alex talking about his girlfriend.
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Yes.
He's talking about his girlfriend? Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you supposed to be working? Oh, but this is where you are wrong.
I'm supposed to be on the coffee break.
The coffee break.
Oh, okay, all right.
You just go right ahead there and you have yourself a coffee break.
Okay, I will.
All right, you do what you like.
If you want to be un-American, it's up to you.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What do you mean, "un-American"? Well, Latka, do you think that, when George Washington was crossing the Delaware, he said, "Ooh! We got to stop the boat.
I got to have a coffee break"? No.
Well, do you think that Abraham Lincoln, when he was delivering the Gettysburg address, he said to the guys, "Oh! I got to stop.
I got to have a coffee break"? No, I guess not.
All right.
You think, when Ike was figuring out what day is supposed to be D-Day, he said to the other generals, "Hey, guys, I got to have a cup of java"? Hmm? Hmm? I'm sorry, Louie.
Please forgive me.
I'm sorry, Louie.
You are right.
Good boy.
No more eat, no more sleep.
You just get in those cabs and work.
Yeah, all right.
I'm sorry.
You red pinkie! Alex, hi! Joyce! BOBBY: Hey, Joyce! Hey, Bobby, hi.
Joyce, these are my friends: Elaine Nardo, Tony Banta, Nice to meet you.
You know Bobby.
( clears throat ) I think there's somebody else here.
You don't want to meet him.
Hello, there.
Joyce Rogers, this is Louie De Palma.
JOYCE: Hi.
Don't let this go to your head, but you could have your way with me.
You're right.
I didn't want to meet him.
Yeah.
So what's up? What happened? Well, I came by because I got some great news.
I called you at home but I guess you'd already left.
Yeah, yeah, yeah? What is it? What is it? I think I might have a job.
ALEX: Oh, Joyce, is it a part? It's a lead in a TV series.
The problem is the where.
It's in L.
A.
And I'd have to move out there.
Ah.
Uh-huh.
I see.
Well, it's a real big decision.
What do you think I should do? I don't know.
What do you think you should do? Well, I'd prefer to stay in New York, but I guess I don't have any choice.
Hmm.
Well, I got to go pick up a script at my agent's.
We'll talk about it later, okay? Yeah, sure.
Bye.
Nice to meet you.
Bye, Joyce.
Bye, Joyce.
Well that's that.
Tough break, Alex.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I should have told you this before, but she's a little flaky, you know? ELAINE: You know, Alex, I know it hurts but, um, in all honesty, I don't think you two were right for each other.
Yeah, she wasn't that great anyway, Alex.
Just forget about her, Alex.
I got a better idea.
I'm going to ask her to marry me.
Great idea.
What a pro.
Perfect.
Aw It's never going to work.
Hello! Hi.
Wow.
The place looks great! Yeah.
What's the occasion? It's Thursday night.
Ah.
Yeah, Thursdays have always held a special magic for me.
Oh, all this is for my new job, right, Alex? Oh.
So I guess you've decided to take the job, huh? I guess so.
I didn't want to make my final decision till I talked it over with you.
Mmm.
That's very good to hear.
Alex, you look great in a suit.
Well, it's Thursday.
This is my Thursday suit.
Wouldn't be Thursday without this suit.
What's all this about? Thursday.
Joyce? Hmm? Uh, we've known each other for two weeks now and, uh, I know it's not a very long time but, I think, in those two weeks, I've gotten to know you better than I've known some people forever.
I've seen all of your moods.
I love them all.
Joyce, you've brought life into my life.
You're a little crazy, but I can live with that.
In fact, I'd love to.
Oh, God, Alex, you're not proposing, are you? Please tell me you're not proposing.
Proposing? My heavens, no.
I'm running for governor, and this is my way of asking you for your vote.
I hope I don't have this much trouble with everybody in the campaign.
Alex, I thought we'd gone over all this the first night.
Oh, yes, Joyce, you're right.
I don't know what came over me just now.
It was just a whim, really.
A whim? You can't tell me this is a whim.
You've got candles and flowers and a bell.
A bell? No, don't! Just forget that bell.
Alex, believe me, I would make a terrible wife.
Yes, yes, I know.
We've been all over that.
And I-I-II don't know why I proposed.
I mean, just forget the proposal, you know? Maybe it was just the best two weeks of my life that clouded my thinking there for a moment.
I was thinking that we had something special, that's all.
We have.
No, I mean something long-lasting.
It's been two weeks.
That long? Oh, my God.
You're right.
I'm tired of you.
No, I withdraw the proposal.
Can I pour you some champagne before I chug it all myself? Alex, what I think we should do What I think we should do is just go our separate ways, right? Alex, listen to me.
No.
There's nothing more to talk about.
Will you listen to me? I heard all you have Damn it! Will you listen to me?! Okay, I will listen, but you better be quick, because you're not the only girl I'm proposing to tonight.
How can you be so glib? I mean, you're treating this like it means nothing.
All right.
Okay, you're the actress.
Tell me how I'm supposed to do rejection, please.
Oh Okay, Alex Okay.
Oh, Alex, what possible reason could you have to want to marry me? I have the audacity to believe that I'm good for you.
Oh.
Oh, right, I forgot.
You're the stable one.
Forgot about that.
Slipped right out of my mind.
Well, the fact of the matter is, Joyce, I happen to be a fairly down-to-earth, rational kind of guy.
Yes.
We've known each other two weeks, and you want to get married, and you're down-to-earth.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're crazier than I am.
I mean, we barely know each other and you're hearing wedding bells! I told you, not the bell! ( playing "As Time Goes By" ) ( jabbering ) They're here to, uh They came to pick up my violins.
Thanks.
Thanks, fellas.
Do they have to go back to the shop? Oh, that's terrible.
I guess they need a couple of tubes, that's all.
Thank you very much.
No, no, I don't want a loaner.
No, I don't need a loaner.
Be better to do without the violins for a week.
Thanks, guys.
Oh, God! Oh, God! Well, where was I? Oh, yes, I was telling you what a rational, down-to-earth kind of human being I was.
( Alex giggles ) Oh, Alex I'm sorry.
I really am so sorry.
You're sorry? ( laughs weakly ) Oh, what the hell.
We're fighting because we care too much, and we're breaking up because we don't care enough.
When do you have to go to L.
A.
? Three days.
How long will it take you to pack? A day.
That means we have two whole days to say good-bye.
Starting now.
Would you follow me? ( loud pop ) What was that? What? It came from inside that door.
No, I didn't hear anything.
Alex No.
There's nothing in there.
Open that door.
You don't want Open that door.
( whimpers ) Now.
Well, if you insist.
( cries out ) Will you marry me? No! Just checking! ( Joyce squeals ) You okay? Hmm? Yeah, of course.
Why? I just thought maybe you'd want to talk about it.
Talk about what? The fact that Joyce left today.
Oh, was it today? My, how time flies.
BOBBY: Oh poor Alex.
I know He shouldn't keep it all bottled up like that.
I tried to talk to him, too, but he just clammed up on me.
Poor Alex.
Let me give it a try.
You? I am a man of the cloth.
What do you mean? That "Church of the Peaceful" stuff? Hey, hey.
Just because the draft ended doesn't mean I can't save a soul now and then.
Hey, Jim, are you sure you can handle this by yourself? Why don't you take Bobby with you? Okay.
Come on, Bobby.
Give me a hand.
Sure.
What's up? We got to help Alex.
Hi, Alex.
Hi, Jim.
Hi, Alex.
Hi, Latka.
Alex we have to talk to you.
Oh? Wait a minute, Jim.
I think, if this is personal, I think we should talk alone.
No, no, I want Alex to hear.
I mean the three of us alone.
Come on, Alex, let's go into the tool room.
Come on.
Tool room? Yeah.
Okay.
Sit down and, uh listen to me.
( clears throat ) Every time you get knocked down, you got to get right back up again.
That's right.
Now, don't ask me why.
That's the way it is.
You got to forget yesterday and forget tomorrow.
There's only today, and you got to get everything out of it that you can.
He know what he's talking about.
Life is like an ice cream cone.
You got to eat it when you get it.
That's right.
Got to eat it fast.
Because, if you don't, it's going to melt all over your hand and down your arm.
That's no good.
JIM: Do you want to go through life licking your arm? Uh No.
I know I don't.
LATKA: Me, too.
So live, live, live! And never let an empty moment go by.
That's right.
Hallelujah.
You are right, Jim.
You are right.
I am going to live very good, and then I'm going to report back to you.
I'm going to to be good, and live my life the most I can, and I'll always eat my ice cream, and all my problems are solved.
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
You should listen to him.
He knows what he talking about.
Thank you very much.
I knew I could help him.
Yes, that was very nice what you did for him, Jim.
Very nice.
Well Bobby's had it pretty rough.
Trying to make it as a boxer, and raise the two kids By the way, how are you doing? Oh, fine, fine, Jim.
In fact, I'm doing better by the minute, I'm sure.
Things going okay at the gallery? Couldn't be better, Jim.
Okeydoke.
( chortling ) WOMAN: Night, Mr.
Walters.
( Walters mutters )