The Cleveland Show s02e10 Episode Script

Good.
All right, now accelerate just a little bit.
- How am I doing, Daddy? - Fine.
Just put your pinkies down.
Oh, my God, you hit a cyclist.
What should I do, Daddy? Drive, drive, drive.
Pinkies.
- Five-0, Five-0.
- Faster, Junior.
[POLICE SIRENS WAILING.]
I can't shake him.
- Aah! - You're hit.
No.
He's hit.
Look out for that tree! So this is what your dad does every day.
Wow, being a cable installer is stressful.
No wonder you're always drunk.
[SINGING.]
My name is Cleveland Brown And I am proud to be Right back in my hometown With my new family There's old friends and new friends And even a bear Through good times and bad times It's true love we share And so I found a place Where everyone will know My happy mustache face This is The Cleveland Show [CHUCKLES.]
Now, Junior, Take Your Kid to Work Day is a chance for fathers to pass on their trade to their kids like Archie Manning did with his loaf-of-bread-faced sons.
These are our cable access studios where people no one would ever listen to produce shows no one will ever watch.
ANNOUNCER [ON TV.]
: You're watching Things I Hate with Freight Train Brown.
You know what I hate? The Chinese.
ANNOUNCER: This has been Things I Hate with Freight Train Brown.
I love Take Your Kid to Work Day.
It's basically just a paid day off.
No, it's not.
If it's a day off, why are we here? I didn't mean it.
It was just a joke.
Jokes were supposed to be funny.
You laughing, Keith? - No.
- Keith is not laughing.
Do you ever laugh, Keith? Only get four laughs a week.
Not gonna waste one on that.
Oh, there's Terry.
Let's go see Terry.
- No.
- I wasn't talking to you, Arch.
Then why were you looking in my direction? Oh, God, he's roping me back in.
Run, Junior, run.
Hey, Terry.
Boy, this must be a difficult day for you seeing as you've never had the good fortune to have kids of your own.
Man, you know I ain't the fathering type.
Hey, Darlene, who's the little guy? - My name is Terry.
- Mine too.
[LAUGHING IN UNISON.]
- What does this switch do? - I don't know.
Well, there goes the rest of my day.
Can't believe I'm the only kid whose parent didn't take him to work.
I forgave Cleveland the time he forgot me in the car at Cheesy Charlie's.
I forgave him the time he forgot my flight from Dallas was coming in and I had to take a $75 SuperShuttle home.
You should've called me, Rallo.
I would have picked you up for 50.
I would have spent the day with my real father but after what happened last year, my mom wouldn't let me.
[DICK DALE'S "MISERLOU" PLAYING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GASPS.]
[SCREAMING.]
Good job, Rallo.
Let's dance.
[CHUCK BERRY'S "YOU CAN NEVER TELL" PLAYING.]
It was a teenage wedding And the old folks wished them well You could see that Pierre Did truly love the mademoiselle And now the young monsieur and madame Have rung the chapel bell So how was your day, Junior? It was a dream.
Did Rallo have fun today too? How would I know? I haven't seen the kid all day.
I know.
Mrs.
Lowenstein drove him home from school.
Cost me 50 bucks.
All because someone forgot to take him to work today.
It's okay, don't be so hard on yourself.
One day this parenting thing is all gonna click into place.
If it were easy, it would be called soccer.
Cleveland, you promised at dinner yesterday that you would take Rallo to work with you.
Remember, it was ham night? Yeah.
Cleveland, do not forget to take Junior and Rallo to Take Your Kid To Work Day tomorrow.
Huh? Yeah, okay, yeah.
Mm.
Ham.
No, my ham, my ham.
[GROANS.]
[GROWLING.]
He's your son.
Why didn't you take him to work with you? Because I thought this would be a perfect opportunity for the two of you to bond.
Rallo needs two parents.
What if something happened to me? Heavens, Donna, don't say that.
I don't know what I would do.
Wait a minute, I would marry the gal at the grocery store.
What's that? I said, "I would marry the gal at the grocery store.
" You know, Big-Boob June.
You probably know her as June.
I need you to spend some time with Rallo.
Well, on Saturday, Big-Boob June and I are running a 5k for Just you and Rallo, alone.
But Rallo's boobs are tiny.
Rallo, your mother says you and I should really get to know each other.
- What do you say? - No.
See? He doesn't want to either.
Out.
[GROANS.]
Sorry, Junior.
It's just me and Rallo today.
Force field.
I wanna go with you.
Turn it off, turn it off.
Oh, man.
Where am I gonna find a wizard on a Saturday? What in the world is this place? It's called a record store.
It's where insufferable people come to find obscure music no one likes.
Where do they keep the MP3s? MP3s? Rallo, LPs offer a full warm sound you just can't get digitally.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
[RECORD SKIPPING.]
Mm.
Take me back.
Hibachi.
[GRUNTS.]
Oh, the heck with this, man.
What? [SHOUTING.]
Look, let's just bag this, tell Mama we bonded and silently resent each other for the rest of our lives.
Hey, look, a fair.
Can we go? Paying $5 to throw darts at a balloon for a Def Leppard cocaine mirror? Well, maybe that could be fun.
Step right up and win a cheap, unlicensed knock-off toy.
Brat Simpson, Spider-Buddy and Family Dude's Stevie.
STEVIE [ON RECORDING.]
: I'm gay.
[SHEEP BAAING.]
A petting zoo.
I would like to go poke a comatose goat.
Excuse me, sir, how much will it cost for the boy to pet the animals? Petting? No, these sheep are for mutton busting.
Alrighty, then.
Come on, Rallo, let's go so this nice man can rape his livestock in peace.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't worry, we leave the lamb-Ioving to the Amish, partner.
I'm Tuff Hogland and that there is mutton busting.
[SHOUTING.]
[CRYING.]
- Can I give it a try? - I don't care.
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING.]
Let her rip.
[SHOUTING.]
[SHEEP BAAING.]
That your boy? [CROWD CHEERING.]
Yes, sir, that's my son.
That was a championship ride, partner.
Hey, and I was just looking to replace this too.
Your boy is a natural athlete.
Got any more like him at home? [PHONE BEEPS.]
No.
God, no.
And the man, who you'll remember is covered in his grandmother's poop, replies: "The aristocrats.
" [BOTH LAUGHING.]
Oh, man.
I thought the act would have a much less sophisticated name.
Mama, this man is funny.
He's like what Bill Cosby must have been like before he started hating black people.
Daddy's home, Daddy's home, Daddy's home.
- Look what I won mutton busting.
- Mutton busting? I thought the same thing.
But it's pretty much just kids peeing their pants while riding terrified sheep that smell like sheep and kid pee.
- I wanna do that.
- Sorry, but you're too old.
- Oh.
- Let me finish.
And fat.
You're too old and fat to mutton bust.
I tell you, our boy here was born to straddle a farm animal.
Our boy? Well, I'm glad you two bonded, but that sounds dangerous.
After giving this a moment's thought, I don't want Rallo doing it anymore.
BOTH: Ain't nothing but mutton busting.
- I said no.
This is more depressing than being a programming executive at AMC.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up next, an all-new Mad Men.
Followed by a special encore presentation of Mad Men.
Then a Mad Men marathon featuring hours of before-seen footage.
And later tonight, an all-new series Mad Men.
We are AMC.
Oh, Mad Men is on.
Mutton busting, sport of kings, c-bro.
Check it.
Virginia State Champion, Pee-wee Division.
'98 throughout '06.
Well, even sadder than that, Donna won't let us go anymore.
She thinks it's too dangerous.
Dangerous? The sheep is like, what? Eight inches off the ground? You're right.
If I weren't so afraid of Donna I would march up to her, tell her a little danger is good for kids.
Who says you need to tell her? She's the one who wanted you two to bond, right? Here's how you bond.
Have a secret you're both keeping from his mother.
Like my dad did when he told me about his second family a couple counties over.
I never felt closer to him.
Plus, that's how I met Kendra.
Oh.
Well, dip my nads in cream and lock me in a room full of kittens.
- Look who is back.
- Ha, ha.
I just knew by your weathered hands and super smelly breath that you would be good for a funny saying or two.
[CHUCKLING.]
Aw, he remembers you.
Aw, yeah, you're a good boy.
I'm gonna name you Barnaby.
And I'm gonna name you Jeffrey.
Jeffrey? Yeah, I like that.
You ready to ride? I was born ready, Jeff.
It's Jeffrey.
[RINGING.]
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Well, we're off for another day of father-son bonding.
Again? Where you guys headed? We're going to see a stage version of Roots as performed by the band The Roots.
Roots, Roots? Can I come? No, you little weirdo.
- Have fun.
- Okay.
I may be weird, but I'm not stupid.
Or am I? I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
Rallo, you are mutton busted.
The next sheep you ride is gonna buck you up.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY.]
Hey, guys, keep on the lookout for Borat.
He comes to stuff like this and, uh, makes everybody look stupid.
Hey, that's Cleveland Brown.
His boy is the champ.
MAN: And there is the bear that walks among us.
Here comes Rallo.
Yay! This is it, boy.
What do you say once we win this championship we retire on top like The Simpsons.
Shoot, there's no retirement for these little guys.
They're agricultural sheep on loan.
Well, what happens to them? We murder them.
Combo of them getting too slow and us getting too hungry.
Like Penelope or Lady Suzette here.
See their cute, cuddly little faces? Well, we're fixing to smash them in with a mallet.
Oh, now don't you look sad or we'll bash your face in too.
Ha, ha.
Just kidding.
But not about your sheep.
We definitely will kill him.
Have a good ride, cowboy.
This place is so stinky and gross.
And it's so hot in this costume, I can barely breathe.
Getting lightheaded.
Can't even finish this funnel cake.
ANNOUNCER: And your next rider is Rallo Tubbs.
I can't let them do that to you, Barnaby.
I won't let them turn you into gyros and condoms.
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING.]
Yee-haw! Don't worry, he's on a sheep.
How far can he possibly go? [TRAIN HORN HONKING.]
Bye-bye.
- Who wants ice cream? - Ice cream? Oh, my God, Cleveland, what did you do? What makes you think I did anything? Now, we've got vanilla, chocolate, Rallo is missing, cookie dough Rallo is missing? How could you lose him? You guys were just taking father-son notary classes.
Well, that's the thing right there.
We weren't notary-ing.
We were mutton busting.
And his mutton busted loose, hopped a train.
Hopped a train? I don't know mutton busting lingo.
What does that mean? Little Mr.
Rallo, he gone.
My baby.
Donna, I don't wanna play the blame game, but this is your fault.
You never should have left me alone with him.
But I forgive you.
The police are on it and I will not rest until our family is back together.
Wait.
Why is this ice cream still here? Where is Junior? Hello, police? Hey, uh, Cleveland Brown here.
We spoke earlier about the missing boy.
See, the funny thing is we also have another kid missing.
Ha, ha.
Yes, I realize how serious this is.
Thank you, officer.
Hmm.
So did you remember to record Mike & Molly? Waking up on a toilet again.
I got to take a long hard look at myself because this is not living.
But first, revenge.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
What magical place is this? Why, it is 17th Century Scotland, enchanted lamb child.
Seventeenth Century Scotland? Oh, my God, that gross port-a-potty is a time machine.
I have to warn them about the future.
Don't have sex with Magic Johnson.
You'll find out why.
[RALLO CLICKING.]
Seems like this place would be sheep-friendly.
Hi, what can I get you? Apple juice, neat.
Leave the bottle.
Lot on your mind? Just looking for a good home for my sheep.
You mean the one that got hit by a car in the parking lot? What? - He just ran out in front of me.
- Barnaby.
[BARNABY BAAING.]
Oh, thank God.
[TIRES SQUEALING THEN LAMB BAAING.]
[THUDS.]
[GUN COCKS.]
We got to get out of this town.
You know, C-cup, it's not the end of the world.
Good thing about kids is you can always make more.
Thank you, Father.
Well, I used all my psychic powers, but I couldn't feel any dead children.
Donna, I know we've had our differences in the past.
Mrs.
Brown, don't worry.
We're doing everything we can and we will find your son.
Now, do you have one of Rallo's T-shirts that I could let the cadaver dog sniff? - What's his name? - Corpsey.
Oh.
Give me a kiss, Corpsey.
You're cute, yes, you are.
Please, be in Star Wars times.
Please, be in Star Wars times.
Ideally, before the disbanding of the Galactic Senate, please.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Hippies? I must be in the 1960s where there's no structure or schedules.
Help.
Barnaby, slow down, that's not a real sheep.
They don't get that fat.
- Junior? - Rallo.
How did you end up here in the 1960s? Do you have a time-traveling Porta Potty too? Even if you weren't dressed in a sheep costume I wouldn't know how to respond to that.
This ain't the '60s.
This is just some dirty hippy festival.
Yeah, that does make more sense.
I think my rational side might have known that the whole time.
Maybe we should just go home.
Hop on.
Thanks, man.
But what am I gonna do with Barnaby? I think Barnaby will be just fine.
[CLICKING.]
[JUNIOR HUMMING.]
Please, dear Jesus, lead these children home.
Let me finish.
Rallo.
Junior.
Thank God, you're home.
Oh, we were so worried.
Oh, Junior, you being gone made me realize something.
You're my son and I love you.
I'm sorry for lying to you, Mama.
I'll never do it again.
It's okay.
I'm just happy to have our kids home safe and sound.
Let's go buy a ham to celebrate.
I'm home.
Anybody have $50 to pay Mrs.
Lowenstein? Oh, yeah, three.
We have three children.
[CROWD LAUGHING.]
[CAR HORN HONKING.]