The Guild (2007) s02e10 Episode Script
Socializing Sucks
I've never felt comfortable at parties.
I just don't enjoy meeting people.
Well, meeting strangers.
I guess strangers are technically people, too I mean, people I'll never see again.
Or at least I hope I won't after I develop a crush on one of them and then they turn out to be jerks and then show up to my party uninvited.
Or accidentally invited by my crazy, drunken Guildmate.
Whatever.
I'm certainly not giving them any of my Healing Potion Punch.
Maybe this is the reason I don't have a lot of friends.
Huh.
You got the neighbor to encrypt his wireless? Yeah.
It was easy sauce.
The guy let me right in.
He was, like, acting really out of it, too.
He kept calling me Betty and asking me if the muffins were cool.
Bladezz, that was my lifeline! Oh, phantom limb pain! Look, guys, all I'm saying is let's get some offline action.
Now, look, I got the password, and you can have it before I go home.
Well, just look at it this way, at least the connection will be better.
- Less lag.
- Don't justify his heinous activity! This is domestic terrorism! You're going to Vorktanamo Bay! - What? - What? All right, Vork, come on.
Chillax, man.
Fine.
But for the record, I refuse to enjoy myself.
Great! So, what do you guys want to play? We've got Texas Hold 'Em, Five Card Stud Stud! Stud, totally stud.
'Cause we're studly studs.
Stud'd.
That's him! With his ginormous, hot-chick girlfriend! He's Asian? And hot? That makes you more interesting.
He's got some nerve bringing that girl here who he prefers over me! Clara! The stunt guy is here! He's in the doorway.
That anus face! I'll show him to reject my best friend in the entire world! Let me at him! - Oh, he's smokin'! - Ooh, body shots! I'm there! Hey! Your party, right? I'm Riley.
I think you tried to sell me something earlier.
Oh, Riley? That's the name of one of my alt characters.
Cuts deep.
Yeah, Wade said you were a gamer.
- That's bitchin'! - Uh, yeah.
His roommate's a gamer too, right? I'm his roommate.
So, yeah.
Oh oh! Stupid! Ow.
I thought you were his girlfriend.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Just roommate.
And occasional fuck buddy, of course.
But mostly roommate.
That I did not see coming.
It's so hot to meet another girl who games! It's tight! What games do you play? You know, role-playing games mostly.
Oh.
I'm a FPS girl.
Halo.
Boom! Headshots! I'm ranked and stuff.
That's truth.
Well, I kill stuff too! It's just, I wear prettier outfits.
That's cool.
I'm gonna grab a drink.
All right.
Each candy is one dollar, one real dollar that you pay up at the end of the game.
A dollar?! This pile alone exceeds my net worth after capital gains! I think I just ate 10 dollars.
Okay, you guys, I thought this was men's night, not little-girls' panties night.
96 minutes till the server's up.
96 minutes till the server's up.
Okay, look, look, look.
Fifty cents a bean.
I'm okay with that.
Let's just get started.
Yeah, I'm detecting magic.
Sack up or pack up, ladies.
Just deal.
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Hey! Wade is single! Stupid Tall Hot Girl is just a roommate f-buddy! Fantastic! Go tear his pants off! Codex, did you know Stunt Guy did motion capture for our game? What? Really?! When an elf swings a twohander, that's him.
Oh, my God! Could it get any hotter? And the roommate she's just an f-buddy! It's meant to be.
But I can't approach him alone.
I don't solo well.
We can be your wing-women! We'll sell you good, right, Tink? - Well, she has to go.
- Aw, screw it.
- This is more interesting.
- I thought you had a date.
Not anymore, I don't.
Really? Okay, yes, we're gonna do this.
- I'm sweating.
- Let's go! Three of a kind, I believe? F that! How'd you beat me? You have the street smarts of a cartoon princess! I simply play the odds.
When I surmised that you were going for a straight that included a four, I noticed that I had three of those fours in my hand.
Which means the probability of you achieving that straight with that four was 1.
8 percent.
OMG! Seriously I'm supposed to be the ringer here! I'm out! But I was just getting to a portfolio level of winning! I have no money! I maxed out all of my mom's credit cards buying stupid crap for Tink! You can charge Gorgon Ears for the orb quest? No.
Like real crap.
Like purses and tuition and hockey tickets! That's why I'm playing this game in the first place! Oh, my God! I'm so going to military school next year.
Women.
Can't live with them.
They will not go out with me.
I'd be happy to log on immediately and act as a mediator between the two of you in order to reacquire the objects in question.
Give me the password.
Hey, actually, Clara's hanging out with Tink right now.
It says on her status update, "Tink and me playing wing-women at Codex's.
Gonna get her laid!" Well, wait a second! Get who laid? Codex?! But I'm not even over there! What does that mean? Trouble.
When I visited Codex today, she was interacting with another male.
It was akin to a mating ritual.
Had they been baboons, her nether-regions would have been slightly swollen and ruby-red.
She's pugging already? Well, that has to hurt.
Holy crap'd! Someone's mining my ore! We've got to get over there right now! You're driving! - I don't want to! - Password.
Why are we still talking? Yeah, I put some of my stunts online.
That video with my arm on fire has, like, 500 hits.
Practically viral.
- Let's cut to it.
She's doable, right? - Um, wait All her ex-boyfriends were gay, so she's probably a virgin, at least with a few positions.
I'd do her.
Not really.
Um, hey, guys, put the brakes on! I'm sorry.
My friend here has had a lot to drink, and the other one's just kinda rude.
No problem.
I'm used to taking a pounding from all sides.
- But I give as good as I get.
- See? Cheesy double entendre.
He's into you.
Yeah, and nerd girls are easy! You could basically ignore her.
A little attention goes a long way with this one! So, let's cut to the chase.
When are we going to arrange the humpity bumpity? Clara! Okay, forget it! You guys clearly don't have the social skills to make this work, and, quite frankly, neither do I, so Make what work? I'm sorry! My friends clearly are trying to, uh, hook us up.
It's 'cause I told them that I thought you were attractive, in an objective kind of way, and it was only because we were conversing a couple of days ago, which I thought was good, I thought it was a sign.
And then I vomited on you, which was not good, and I thought that was a sign, and then I just when and then I saw you, and then I just I think I might have to go, too.
I hate people! I cancelled my date for that?
I just don't enjoy meeting people.
Well, meeting strangers.
I guess strangers are technically people, too I mean, people I'll never see again.
Or at least I hope I won't after I develop a crush on one of them and then they turn out to be jerks and then show up to my party uninvited.
Or accidentally invited by my crazy, drunken Guildmate.
Whatever.
I'm certainly not giving them any of my Healing Potion Punch.
Maybe this is the reason I don't have a lot of friends.
Huh.
You got the neighbor to encrypt his wireless? Yeah.
It was easy sauce.
The guy let me right in.
He was, like, acting really out of it, too.
He kept calling me Betty and asking me if the muffins were cool.
Bladezz, that was my lifeline! Oh, phantom limb pain! Look, guys, all I'm saying is let's get some offline action.
Now, look, I got the password, and you can have it before I go home.
Well, just look at it this way, at least the connection will be better.
- Less lag.
- Don't justify his heinous activity! This is domestic terrorism! You're going to Vorktanamo Bay! - What? - What? All right, Vork, come on.
Chillax, man.
Fine.
But for the record, I refuse to enjoy myself.
Great! So, what do you guys want to play? We've got Texas Hold 'Em, Five Card Stud Stud! Stud, totally stud.
'Cause we're studly studs.
Stud'd.
That's him! With his ginormous, hot-chick girlfriend! He's Asian? And hot? That makes you more interesting.
He's got some nerve bringing that girl here who he prefers over me! Clara! The stunt guy is here! He's in the doorway.
That anus face! I'll show him to reject my best friend in the entire world! Let me at him! - Oh, he's smokin'! - Ooh, body shots! I'm there! Hey! Your party, right? I'm Riley.
I think you tried to sell me something earlier.
Oh, Riley? That's the name of one of my alt characters.
Cuts deep.
Yeah, Wade said you were a gamer.
- That's bitchin'! - Uh, yeah.
His roommate's a gamer too, right? I'm his roommate.
So, yeah.
Oh oh! Stupid! Ow.
I thought you were his girlfriend.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Just roommate.
And occasional fuck buddy, of course.
But mostly roommate.
That I did not see coming.
It's so hot to meet another girl who games! It's tight! What games do you play? You know, role-playing games mostly.
Oh.
I'm a FPS girl.
Halo.
Boom! Headshots! I'm ranked and stuff.
That's truth.
Well, I kill stuff too! It's just, I wear prettier outfits.
That's cool.
I'm gonna grab a drink.
All right.
Each candy is one dollar, one real dollar that you pay up at the end of the game.
A dollar?! This pile alone exceeds my net worth after capital gains! I think I just ate 10 dollars.
Okay, you guys, I thought this was men's night, not little-girls' panties night.
96 minutes till the server's up.
96 minutes till the server's up.
Okay, look, look, look.
Fifty cents a bean.
I'm okay with that.
Let's just get started.
Yeah, I'm detecting magic.
Sack up or pack up, ladies.
Just deal.
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Hey! Wade is single! Stupid Tall Hot Girl is just a roommate f-buddy! Fantastic! Go tear his pants off! Codex, did you know Stunt Guy did motion capture for our game? What? Really?! When an elf swings a twohander, that's him.
Oh, my God! Could it get any hotter? And the roommate she's just an f-buddy! It's meant to be.
But I can't approach him alone.
I don't solo well.
We can be your wing-women! We'll sell you good, right, Tink? - Well, she has to go.
- Aw, screw it.
- This is more interesting.
- I thought you had a date.
Not anymore, I don't.
Really? Okay, yes, we're gonna do this.
- I'm sweating.
- Let's go! Three of a kind, I believe? F that! How'd you beat me? You have the street smarts of a cartoon princess! I simply play the odds.
When I surmised that you were going for a straight that included a four, I noticed that I had three of those fours in my hand.
Which means the probability of you achieving that straight with that four was 1.
8 percent.
OMG! Seriously I'm supposed to be the ringer here! I'm out! But I was just getting to a portfolio level of winning! I have no money! I maxed out all of my mom's credit cards buying stupid crap for Tink! You can charge Gorgon Ears for the orb quest? No.
Like real crap.
Like purses and tuition and hockey tickets! That's why I'm playing this game in the first place! Oh, my God! I'm so going to military school next year.
Women.
Can't live with them.
They will not go out with me.
I'd be happy to log on immediately and act as a mediator between the two of you in order to reacquire the objects in question.
Give me the password.
Hey, actually, Clara's hanging out with Tink right now.
It says on her status update, "Tink and me playing wing-women at Codex's.
Gonna get her laid!" Well, wait a second! Get who laid? Codex?! But I'm not even over there! What does that mean? Trouble.
When I visited Codex today, she was interacting with another male.
It was akin to a mating ritual.
Had they been baboons, her nether-regions would have been slightly swollen and ruby-red.
She's pugging already? Well, that has to hurt.
Holy crap'd! Someone's mining my ore! We've got to get over there right now! You're driving! - I don't want to! - Password.
Why are we still talking? Yeah, I put some of my stunts online.
That video with my arm on fire has, like, 500 hits.
Practically viral.
- Let's cut to it.
She's doable, right? - Um, wait All her ex-boyfriends were gay, so she's probably a virgin, at least with a few positions.
I'd do her.
Not really.
Um, hey, guys, put the brakes on! I'm sorry.
My friend here has had a lot to drink, and the other one's just kinda rude.
No problem.
I'm used to taking a pounding from all sides.
- But I give as good as I get.
- See? Cheesy double entendre.
He's into you.
Yeah, and nerd girls are easy! You could basically ignore her.
A little attention goes a long way with this one! So, let's cut to the chase.
When are we going to arrange the humpity bumpity? Clara! Okay, forget it! You guys clearly don't have the social skills to make this work, and, quite frankly, neither do I, so Make what work? I'm sorry! My friends clearly are trying to, uh, hook us up.
It's 'cause I told them that I thought you were attractive, in an objective kind of way, and it was only because we were conversing a couple of days ago, which I thought was good, I thought it was a sign.
And then I vomited on you, which was not good, and I thought that was a sign, and then I just when and then I saw you, and then I just I think I might have to go, too.
I hate people! I cancelled my date for that?