Velma (2023) s02e10 Episode Script

1
Previously on Velma
Yes, I'll marry you!
But it has to be before William
and Diya get married.
What if you used my body? Maybe
if you possess me, you can hug him.
What's happening?
So, you're Doctor Edna Perdue
but in Daphne's body?
But you sound just like Daphne.
Because I have her vocal chords.
But to me, I sound like myself.
Now, all that's left is for you to say,
"oh, snap", before the police
throw your ass in jail.
That's what you think, Velma.
See, I have friends on the inside.
You tell Scrappy
that with a little work,
I'll have no problem transferring
his brain into one of these girls.
Stop looking for me
or your family will die.
I heard voices. Is the press now
hounding you at all hours
to see if William and I set a date?
Why is everyone so interested?
Mom, Uncle Scoobi was just here!
Who's that? Aunt Marsha's husband?
He can't have a plus one.
He's her plus one.
Wait, Uncle Scoobi?
Quick! Make sure we're alone.
So what do you do when the person
you're looking for threatens to kill
your family if you don't stop looking
for them?
You summon all your courage
and
I quit. It's too dangerous.
Smart. We often come to the same
conclusion in our investigations.
But Scrappy told us he plans
to escape with Uncle Scoobi.
The only way to stop that from
happening is to find Uncle Scoobi.
Scoobi, dude, where are you?
But no one in the military
is helping you, Don.
Your superiors are covering up
everything about Scrappy
and Uncle Scoobi.
Our conveniently timed news team has
just confirmed that last night's attack
at Nana's Nipples was caused
by a weather balloon.
Don, I get it. The only thing
I've ever given up on
is listening to guys' takes
on female directors.
But it's time to admit it's over.
Uncle Scoobi will most likely bust
Scrappy outta jail and get away,
and there's nothing
we can do about it.
You know, if you are still interested
in solving the case,
there is one thing you haven't tried.
- Don't say "cocaine like Sherlock".
- Do you have any?
No. Manifesting.
Let's ask the universe
and she will help you figure it out.
Daphne, even if I believed that,
the universe can barely figure out
a way
to make a constellation
look like a spoon.
So forgive me if I doubt its ability
to help my investigation.
Velma! Great news!
We've decided to have a double
wedding at Fred's house in a week.
Oh, my God, that's incredible!
See, I told you she'd be excited.
No, sorry. I think you're making
a huge mistake.
I'm amazed because I think
your manifesting worked.
I just figured out how
to keep investigating.
I'm here at Jones Manor where
preparations are underway
for Jones Gentlemen's Accessories
tycoon William Jones
to marry Diya Dinkley, the very woman
William's first wife kidnapped.
But that's not all.
It's actually a double wedding,
as local nobodies Aman Dinkley
and Sophie Who-Cares
are also tying the knot!
So why a double wedding?
Our idiot fiancés kept fighting over
who could be married first,
so I just figured this would be easier.
I said yes to the double wedding
first though.
Well, let's see who can consummate
their marriage first, buddy.
Ain't nobody faster at that than me.
Wonderful. Though, William, I hear
that with all of this media coverage,
the Jones Gentlemen's Accessories
board of directors has barred Fred
from being your best man?
It's true. Look, they, they wanted
someone less likely to embarrass
the company on TV.
And this fart machine wearing
a bowtie was available.
What? How could I embarrass
the company?
Since ripping Mother's soul from
my body and casting her to hell,
I've never felt more mature!
And because you said that
on live television,
the stock price just fell
to three cents.
Well, at least you don't have to worry
about Velma embarrassing you
on your big day.
So, Velma
Where's Velma?
We have no idea, but she's
not excited about the wedding.
I mean, she is.
Excuse me. Coming through.
But not because I'm investigating.
Damn, Velma.
Doves. Tigers. Elton John.
This wedding is gonna be insane.
If you think this is insane,
wait until you hear my plan!
You want Doctor Perdue
to swap our brains?
I know it's crazy, but so is the fact
that you manifesting a solution
actually worked.
So again, just to reiterate, you're
responsible for this idea, not me.
How is brain swapping a solution?
Uncle Scoobi is somehow
watching me.
So if I'm in your body,
I can investigate without him
finding out and killing my family.
I don't know, Velma,
will Doctor Perdue even agree to do it?
She has rules about this stuff.
I know, but she's not even here.
With all the workers
and news crews around,
she must be hiding in the caves.
Now, what?
Wait, there are news crews here?
Both legitimate and cable.
I'm supposed to be doing a television
interview with my family right now.
So if we switch bodies
I can be on broadcast television?
- Before it disappears forever?
- I guess.
That was too close.
And what are they doing down here?
No one can know I have you.
- Grandma, hi!
- Oh, God, that's me!
Why are you here?
To bring you a housewarming gift, obviously.
But why do you have
the hot girls' bodies?
Most grandmas just have, like
a problematic porcelain figurine.
I have them because I've been
painstakingly repairing them
for Lola and the other brains
as a surprise. So surprise!
What? I'm getting my body back?
Oh, my God, that's so sex!
I mean, wonderful,
I can go back to my old sex.
I mean life.
Who keeps saying sex? I'm sorry.
No one can know about this until
I find a more secure hideout.
If people see any of you Brains back
in your bodies, they'll ask questions.
Totally.
But what if you, like, put Lola's brain
back for just, like, an hour.
- Guys!
- Ten minutes. We're begging you.
- Fred?
- Hey, guys.
Welcome to Crystal Cove. How was
the flight from your tax havens?
Long. Now, where is our car?
We have people to scream at
on our phones.
Well, father got this carriage
for the wedding
and I thought the seven hour ride back
to my place would give me time
to convince you I've matured
and can be my father's best man.
Why won't they settle down?
Like everyone else,
they don't respect you, Fred.
And you can't just make the sound
of a whip cracking.
You have to actually crack it
My face!
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
How can I make it up to you?
- You can do it again.
- What?
Your mother would have.
Wow, Daphne, being you is even
cooler than I thought it would be.
Look at how long my strides are.
I'm gonna be early to everything.
And your low center of gravity
is amazing!
But why are your pockets filled
with chocolate?
Why aren't yours?
There's a killer dog in our midst!
Thankfully, given how the whole world
bends over to help hot people,
catching Uncle Scoobi before they're
onto me is going to be so much easier.
- Now let's go.
- You think it's easier being hot?
Congress just designated the comments
on my social media
a Superfund cleanup site.
It's still easier than being me.
I'm smart, adorable,
and witty without overdoing it
and I still had to catch a serial killer
to become popular.
Everything is looks based.
Beauty solves all your problems.
No way you're getting away now,
Uncle Scoobi.
Library card.
I apparently don't have one.
Unless a card for the Jennifer Lopez
Library of Moisturizers works here?
No. But you know what,
you have such a sweet face
you can just take the books.
I trust you.
How unsurprising even though
you required my friend Velma
to put down
a five hundred dollar deposit.
She burns the novels by sexist male
authors, which is most of them.
Whereas I seem like a nice, pretty girl?
Of course. Look at you checking
out these complicated books
for your father or boyfriend.
So sweet.
No, they're for me.
And you're funny.
For an attractive person.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Wanna get a coffee?
- No, thanks.
- Bitch.
- I'm here for the interview.
- It's too late.
And why are you smiling like
you're used to that fixing things?
Because it always has.
Please put me back in my body
for ten minutes.
Please, please, please.
Fine.
Gross.
Excuse me, could you please move
those tigers away from Elton John?
For you? No.
Hey.
Velma. Who said you could replace
the doves that were in these gift bags
with a necklace
that says "Soulmates"?
Probably the entire
animal rights community.
And I think those necklaces are nice.
Well if Daphne likes them,
I guess they're not terrible.
Right? I mean, I even love
this potato sack she's wearing.
It's to keep everyone
from hitting on me.
Well, too bad.
Because I think it looks great too.
You do? Maybe you should change
into that dress.
Daphne, I owe you an apology.
I didn't think there could be
a downside to being hot.
But I've been so busy being harassed
and even more underestimated
than usual, I'm not any closer
to finding Uncle Scoobi than before.
It's okay. I might also have misjudged
what it's like being you.
So, let's go switch back our brains
and agree that all women deal
with some really annoying shit.
And that is why I told you to keep the
tiger away from Elton John, you idiot!
I can't believe I'm getting
my body back.
I can't wait to once again feel the sun
on my face
as I throw up at a music festival.
Of course,
but that's not happening today.
Today is just a twenty-minute
test drive. You ready?
Oh, my God!
I forgot how hot I was.
- The hottest of the bunch.
- You think I'm the hottest?
No question.
Then why the hell
are you looking at Brenda?
What? No, this is you. Right?
That's Brenda! You thought
I was Brenda this whole time?
Lola, come back! I'm sorry!
I have hot girl blindness.
Who is Uncle Scoobi?
Hey, there. Have you ever been
scouted in a mall to be a model?
You don't talk to her! And what are you
doing standing without my permission?
You slither like a slug, you slime!
Sorry, Daph. Not sure
how he got out of his cage.
Getting hit on by gross guys is the one
thing I do not miss about being hot.
We don't even know if we want
to get our bodies back.
Get your bodies back?
What are you talking about?
Do not tell anyone, but Lola said
Norville's grandma has them for us.
Wait, Doctor Perdue has your bodies.
But they were at Project SCOOBI.
Oh, my God, that's it!
Lola, come back!
The jig is up, Doctor Perdue.
I know you're Uncle Scoobi.
No, I'm not, Daphne.
I'm Velma.
Daphne and I switched bodies.
So that's what you idiots were doing
down here.
It better not have led to any farce.
It led to me solving the case.
You have the hot girls' bodies.
You stole them from Project SCOOBI
while Scrappy distracted Don and me.
And now you're gonna use them
to escape!
Correct. But again,
I'm not Uncle Scoobi.
Then who is? Tell me, or I'll tell
the military where you are.
Fine. It started when I left the asylum
in Daphne's body.
Uncle Scoobi somehow figured out
I was alive and offered me a deal.
If I helped them escape, I could have
a body in which to start my life over.
And after thirty years of hiding,
the offer was too good to refuse.
But you own a brain swapping machine.
You could have a different
body every day.
True, but The Brains' bodies were
already assumed dead.
No one would be looking for them.
But the brains are still alive.
I'm sorry. Like the environmental
cost of affordable red meat,
I've made my peace with it.
And I told you to stop investigating,
Velma.
I'm not Velma, I'm Daphne.
My zodiac sign is Saga-torpius?
Spare me, I knew you switched bodies.
as soon as "Velma"
put up a decent fight.
What? Oh, God! You killed Daphne!
And now you're gonna kill me!
No, I just need you to stop meddling!
No!
I said put me down! Stop!
You won't get away with this.
You've made a very powerful enemy.
No, don't shut the door,
I'm afraid of the dark!
Wait! Oh, no! Daphne?
What's going on? Am I in heaven?
Am I the only one here?
Not surprised but still.
Daphne! Help!
The wedding is about to start
and I am live with the two grooms.
You gentlemen nervous?
Second thoughts?
Weirded out that everyone knows
you'll be having sex tonight?
No. We're good. Any nerves are buried
under the pride I feel having my son
as my best man.
I never knew you had it in you
to impress the board, Fred.
Call me a bellybutton, Father,
because over the past few days
I've found things in me
you can't even imagine.
I love a wedding! Suckers don't know
how miserable life is going to be yet.
Something's not right about this.
I feel it in my gut.
Homemade Kombucha
will do that to you.
No, it's something else.
Is it starting?
Have we seen the dresses?
Is Velma in here? She's supposed
to be wrangling your elephants.
I saw her half an hour ago
when she rewrote my vows.
Sure. But now at the most important
moment, she's gone?
Wait. Oh, my God! She still hates me
and wants to ruin my wedding.
Well, it's not going to work!
This wedding is off!
Sophie, wait.
Wait, what happened
to the vacuum cleaners?
Scrappy Dappy Die!
What do you mean I don't like you?
You're a brain in a jar.
I'm crazy about you.
The real you.
This is like loving a present
but finding the gift wrapping
underwhelming.
That came out wrong. My point is,
if someone as set in their ways
as my grandma can learn
to make room in her heart for me,
I'm sure I can find room in my heart
for your body and not Brenda's.
Okay. That also came out wrong.
Norville, stop talking.
Grandma, what are you doing here?
Wait, why do you have that shoe?
It's the same kind worn by whoever
attacked Velma in the graveyard.
I know. I'm helping Uncle Scoobi.
What?
These shoes are how they let Scrappy
know where they are.
Scrappy tracks the scent when
Uncle Scoobi needs to meet up.
Or, in this case, escape.
Scrappy escaped?
Help! Get me out of here!
Or at least give me the Wi-Fi password
so I can text someone!
I'll never get that right.
Help! Daphne!
Help! Daphne!
What? Velma?
Velma! Oh, no. Hold on.
No! I don't wanna die.
I wanna prove the doctors wrong
and grow old. No!
Velma, it's okay. You're alive.
Daphne, you saved me. How?
I know you'll think I'm crazy,
but I heard you yelling in my head.
And not like when I'm thinking
about cutting bangs.
I mean I actually heard you yelling.
I don't think that's crazy. When you
were in your jar I heard you too.
I just didn't tell you because it made
no sense.
But maybe we are soulmates.
Thank you. Took you long enough
to get there, though.
- Typical Taurus, right?
- Don't push it.
I know. Though you better thank my
Pisces moon for how much I love you.
Wait, Daphne, you love me?
I do.
Thanks. But I didn't mean that like
I'm realizing you love me.
I meant that like I'm realizing
who Uncle Scoobi is! Let's go!
Freeze, Uncle Scoobi!
I could have sworn they'd be here.
- Velma!
- It's okay, Daphne.
- They're not gonna do anything.
- Oh, yes, I will.
- Oh, no, you won't.
- It really feels like they will.
- Fine. Then do it.
- What?
Do it.
They're getting away.
Amber.
I knew to trust my gut. Shoot,
but maybe it was the kombucha.
Velma, you caught Uncle Scoobi?
How?
Two words. Love and lust.
From the time Uncle Scoobi
attacked me in the graveyard,
they could have killed me to stop
my investigation.
So why didn't they? Because they
must care about me on some level.
Yeah, okay, sure.
But now get to the lust part.
Of course. Sorry. The most confounding
question about Uncle Scoobi
is why they've always kept
their identity hidden
from everyone in Project SCOOBI.
It made no sense.
Until I spent forty-eight hours in the
body of a more conventionally hot girl
and realized it could be a liability.
So Uncle Scoobi is hot
and loves you? Is it Jesus?
No, Fred. The person I just stopped
from escaping with Scrappy is
Sophie!
Wait, so you can be an accomplice
in multiple homicides,
but I'm not allowed to park
in a handicapped spot?
Yes, Dad. And it makes total sense.
Because there's nothing more basic
than an evil step-mom.
So, how'd I do?
A-plus, as usual. I had to disguise
myself, just like you said.
As a young hot female officer
in the military,
no one took me seriously
and I was assigned
the worst job they had.
Managing Spooner's in order
to observe meddling kids
for Project SCOOBI.
It was grueling, thankless work.
My only joy came from watching those
videos of dogs who talk with buttons.
Why. Brownie. Alive.
Aw, so cute.
But then fate intervened.
Before my mom was kidnapped,
you saw her reading Doctor Perdue's
journals and realized
the research could be used to make
a talking dog meddling kids would love!
Yes.
Can I order?
Being hot, they only agreed to hear
my pitch over dinner and dancing.
So I wore this dog training outfit
and, unable to see my face or body,
their objectification was nullified
and they took me seriously.
Like how the school board makes girls
cover their shoulders at school
instead of making male teachers
just mature.
Exactly. So when work
on Scrappy began,
I just continued to hide my identity.
Everyone assumed I was a guy
and called me Uncle Scoobi.
But Scrappy was a monster.
And once he started killing everyone,
my superiors feared for their lives.
Worse, they denied any involvement
in Project SCOOBI and abandoned me.
Well, looks like it's just you
and me now, Uncle Scoob.
Unless you also decide to turn on me.
Knowing Scrappy was invincible,
I feared for my own life as well,
and helped cover up his murders.
But worst of all, to keep Scrappy
from potentially killing my family,
I knew I had to find a way to evade
the law
and escape with Scrappy forever.
Which you did when Doctor Perdue
left the asylum in Daphne's body.
Dr. Perdue is alive and in Daphne!
Correct. I followed her, and once
she was back in her body,
I offered her a deal.
A teenage body if she helped
Scrappy and me escape.
Okay, but why not just kill Scrappy
when you put his brain in a hot girl?
I couldn't risk him sensing
my nervousness and killing my family.
So please, Velma,
for everyone's safety, including yours,
just let me escape with Scrappy.
That might not be possible.
I had a change of heart
about helping you
and put The Brains
back in their bodies.
- You all remember Lola.
- That's Krista, you idiot.
No, you have to put them back.
When Scrappy arrives and sees
the bodies missing from your lab,
he'll assume something's up and
Let me at 'em!
Let me at 'em!
He's going for the JGA board!
Get out of there!
Only I'm allowed to strike fear
in your heart!
Too late.
- You.
- Oh, God! He sees us.
No, Scrappy, go back
to killing those other people!
- What do we do?
- You can get in!
Don! What are you doing here?
Saving your ass. Now, get in!
I called in a missile strike.
Gotcha!
Damn it.
Why is this house so big?
Velma, climb up first.
So you can look up my skirt?
Nice try, but that was my plan.
Also, this is my one chance
to kill him. So get out of here.
Velma. No!
Kill me?
What, are you gonna make me laugh
to death?
No. This is the last Saturday
morning you'll ever ruin!
Eat chocolate!
Oh, no! Daphne, you swapped out
my chocolate for baby carrots!
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
Chocolate makes me break out.
I'm alive. Is everyone okay?
No. Scrappy killing the board
really screwed me, Daphne.
They were gonna make me CEO.
What?
Well, at least a near death experience
fills everyone
with the spirit of forgiveness,
right, Lola?
No! You're gonna wish you died
in this crash, buddy. Oh, God!
Scrappy! No!
There's only one thing left to do.
Run away!
It's okay. I'm coming.
Velma?
What is happening?
He's dead. But how?
It looked like he was possessed.
He was.
By me.
Velma, you're dead.
Yeah. And I guess ghosts are real.
I'm sorry, Velma.
I have done everything,
but I can't revive your body.
Nor was I able to remove your
Cuomo-Fauci 2020 tattoo.
Damn it! So now what?
I just walk into the light
and hope I'm judged on my actions
and not the memes I liked?
No, there has to be something
we can do.
Mom, stop. It's okay.
I'm not going to leave.
I'd rather be a ghost in a world filled
with the people I love,
than have to go make
small talk with my grandparents.
Barf. That didn't come out
as romantic as I meant it.
It was plenty romantic. And who knows,
maybe you'll meet
some other cool ghosts.
Wait, other ghosts?
I hadn't thought about that.
You're not wrong to be scared.
Lost souls are nasty.
But according to this, I might be able
to bring you back
- On Halloween.
- Halloween?
Provided, of course,
I can find a spell that works
and no evil spirit drags you
to Hell or something.
Wait, what?