What About Brian (2006) s02e10 Episode Script

Previously on "What about Brian": He's supposed to be the dad.
He's not supposed to date the girl I date.
I think you're great and smart.
But we're friends, right? This is Heather Hillman.
We just got married! Is that the - Stripper? - Yeah.
- Yeah, that'd be her.
- Sweet.
What was he doing in Naples? It's nonsense, so let it go.
What if there is something, some secret? - How'd your date go? - Fine.
- Yours? - Awesome.
All right, everybody.
We've got some fresh homemade chicken straight out of the bucket.
Come and get it.
- I'll help out.
- That smells good.
You're hilarious.
You got any mac and cheese? 'Cause I'm craving it big time.
Here you go, mommy.
Mac and cheese.
Enjoy.
I think I'll pass.
I hear some monkeys.
Come on.
Let's get some dinner.
Can I have some chicken, please? Of course you can have some chicken.
- No baked beans, okay? - No baked beans.
Okay.
Wanna know why? - Nobody wants to know why, honey.
- Why? 'Cause Beans, beans they're good for your heart.
- The more you eat, the more you - You eat more chicken.
There you go, my little lovebug.
All right, girls.
Come on.
Let's eat.
Come on, guys.
Come on.
You need to keep going.
When is mommy coming home? I told you, honey, that she's she's gonna be home soon.
Where is Deena? Well, they've decided not to do the group functions together anymore.
Why not? Well, it's Because because we decided we decided that we should switch off on these events, you know, to make it easier on you guys.
So while I'm here with you, Deena's out on date with a rich guy.
You know, avoid awkward moments.
Sort of just like this one.
Well, I would like to make a toast and also change the subject.
Yes, please.
Hear, hear.
To the last time you will see me at one of these weekly dinners without a baby.
May god help us all.
Cheers.
Hear, hear.
A game that you don't even believe in, you know? I mean, it's, like, you got cott candy mountains and peppermint stick ladders.
Who cares? Just kill me.
Well, it's hard selling something when you don't really believe it, you know? Trust me, I know.
What? You try doing your job in a g-string.
You'll see what I mean.
You know, some nights I go out there, and I just feel like I'm phoning it in.
Why don't we go over to the living room? Perfect example, all right? The other night I was supposed to do this number with Anastasia, and she's supposed to grab the pole and then I do this thing, right? No one wants to hear it.
Oh y-yes, we do.
Are you kidding me? Why don't you go ask Nicole? See if she needs any help.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
What what is the matter with you? It's the first rule of life.
You never interrupt a girl-on-girl story.
That girl happens to be my wife.
Yeah, okay.
I'm sorry about that.
Yeah, that's uncomfortable, I guess.
I mean, like, on the way over here, a bunch of frat guys recognized her.
Yeah, it's like being married to a movie star.
You know, I mean, one who's not in movies.
You know, and one who takes her clothes off for money.
You know what I'm saying? Adam, why don't you just tell her to stop? Obviously it bothers you.
What am I gonna tell her? I mean, she makes good money and pays for school.
Who am I to tell her to stop? Who are you to say anything? You're her husband.
You say to her, "Honey, I'm your husband, and I do not want you dancing naked.
" You don't hear that very often, do you? That's not fun.
Let's scrub some dishes.
So What'd you think? Why were they all running around like that? They're trying to catch the bad guy.
There was a bad guy? Did you not read the title cards? I kind of forgot my glasses.
I just didn't want to tell you 'cause I didn't want to ruin it for you.
Well, I guess it's 2-for-2 in the bad date department, huh? No, this was fun, and the first one wasn't bad.
It was just too much, you know? It's just kind of way too much.
It's a baby book.
We made it ourselves.
I love it! Don't cry.
I can't help it.
This this is so beautiful.
I can't believe you made this for me.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
These are coupons for babysitting.
I'm available.
you're too young to babysit.
All right.
No one's old enough to babysit.
That'll last for a half-hour.
I must have done something right, huh? They're amazing.
Yeah, not bad.
How are you feeling? I'm a little nervous.
You're gonna be great, and it's not so bad.
What do you know? Deena would squeeze my arm so hard.
I felt ever contraction, believe me.
Did I ever show you this? Right there.
That scar At's Carrie's delivery.
That's 'cause I told Deena to keep up the good work.
I won't have Angelo there to squeeze.
Of course I'd like to punch him out, but then when he came to, at least I'd have him there to squeeze.
I'm sorry, honey.
I know this isn't working out the way you wanted it to.
I'm just still so angry at him, you know? And I don't I don't want to carry that anger into the to the delivery room.
Well, then don't, babe.
Let it go.
I can't.
I don't want to do this alone.
I'm scared, and he should be there with me even though he was a cheater.
I can go with you.
Yeah, I'll take you.
I took you to the movie premiere.
You know, that turned out okay, sorta.
Well, that was a little different.
Yeah, Nic, I can do this.
I'm a pro.
Okay, I've done 3 times.
I know everything there is to know about it.
I mean, I-I know I know where to park, I know what to bring, I know how to push.
If I were in labor, I'd definitely want me with me.
Well, there is a lot of exposure going on, you know? Yeah, I can totally stay north of the equator, you know.
I'd just be an arm to squeeze, someone to scar.
You'd really do this for me? Are you kidding me? I'd do anything for you and Angelo, too.
'Cause if I weren't around and Deena was alone, he would totally stand in for me.
Yeah.
What do you think? I like it.
What are you looking at? You.
Stop.
I look terrible.
You wanna watch some tv before bed? I don't want you to do it anymore.
You can quit.
I can take care of you.
I want to take care of you.
And I want to take care of myself.
That's just the way I am.
You know, you don't have to be so independent all the time.
It's just a job, Adam.
I'm just a performer wearing a costume, that's all.
Well, you deserve a better job then.
I make my own hours, enough money to pay for school.
It just works for me.
- Heather, I - Adam, you've seen the place.
They serve lunch, for god sakes.
Just try and be supportive, okay? That's all I'm asking.
Look, I know what's going on here.
You said a lot of things to me at the church and made yourself vulnerable, and now you're embarrassed when you see me, but there is nothing to be ashamed of.
- This isn't about that.
- It isn't? You mean I practiced that whole speech for nothing? No, it was nice.
- Thanks.
- Look, I like you.
Obviously, I find you very attractive.
In a perfect world, we'd be together.
So what's your problem? You had an affair with my father.
- Stop being such a moron.
- Exactly.
Treat me like that like I disgust you.
If that's what you want.
I just think it's best if we stay away from each other for now, okay? So I decided, what better way for all of us to get to know one another than a company retreat? We're off to Ojai all of us, the whole company.
Overnight in a hotel, a little bonding a lot of group activity and attendance is mandatory.
You don't want to bring this one.
It's got pit stains.
You don't bring pit stains to a company retreat.
You know, it looks like you don't care.
I don't.
Let me ask something.
You're gonna be spending the night with Bridget at a hotel tonight? You're not planning on having sex with her, are you? - No, no way.
- Good.
Good for you, 'cause that's rule number two in life never go after your dad's sloppy seconds.
You hear me? 'Cause it's just it's just wrong on so many levels.
Where are you getting these rules from? Right here, buddy.
All this coming from a guy who spent the last hour googling some guy named T.
K.
? Well, I didn't name the guy.
I just don't like him.
What kind of name is T.
K.
anyway? Thaddius Korn multimillionaire, software designer, pharmaceutical stuff That's fun.
Wait, what do you care? I thought you were going out with sandwich girl.
Nah, she's a baby.
She's barely older than Geneva.
She lives with her parents, dude.
I can't I can't date anybody who doesn't have their own place.
You don't have your own place.
Well, I did.
I mean, I do.
Sometimes I do.
Anyway, look at it, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna get involved with somebody that I work with.
Remember how that turned out last time? It was a complete disaster.
She delivers sandwiches to your cubicle.
You don't exactly work together.
"Cubicle" that's low.
What's this now? What? Let me see the bag.
You got Cologne in here? I don't need you smelling all manly when you're trying to avoid Bridget.
Look, I already told her we need to keep our distance, no matter how attractive I think she is.
You told her that you thought she was attractive? What the hell are you thinking, man? Are you thinking clear right now? I don't think you're thinking clear, 'cause that's rule number three.
- No more rules, Dave.
- Fine.
You don't need rules.
I'm telling you right now, you're stuck in her little web, and she's gonna spin you around, and she's gonna eat you.
No, no, no.
I'm tired of being in the wrong relationships.
- I'll be strong.
- All right.
Fine.
I'm gonna help, okay? You need to keep your phone on you at all times and call me often.
If you ever feel a little tingle down below, think about your buddy Dave.
- Don't I always? - Yeah.
So you are 1 cm dilated 1 cm dilated.
Okay, so what does that mean? It means that your cervix is no, I know what it means, but what does it mean? It's hard to say.
Some people walk around for weeks like this, and others progress quickly.
I'll be right back.
I need to draw blood so we can check your levels.
Great.
It'll be worth it soon.
When you hold your little baby girl in your arms for the first time, you'll see.
I promise.
Your girls were so cute last night.
Yeah? Tell me everything.
They were bursting at the seams to give me that beautiful baby book.
Dave let them give you the book? Why? Was he not supposed to? Well, the girls and I have been working on that book for months.
It wasn't Dave's fault, it was the girls.
They were just so excited to give it to me, and he was not trying to steal your thunder.
Whatever.
It's just it's typical.
Dave doesn't think about those things, you know? Dave doesn't think, period.
Look, Dave's been so great to me since Angelo died.
He really has been there for me, you know? Really.
I mean, even when I told him how scared I was about the delivery, he offered to be there in the room with me You didn't say yes, did you? Should I have said no? Well, I Nicole, I just assumed.
I mean, I am the one standing here right now with your dilated cervix, you know, and and and I bought you that, you know, doughnut hole pillow to sit on when you get hemorrhoids.
Not to mention the fact that I am the one who birthed three babies and not just stood there like a like a deer caught in the headlights.
Jeez.
You're right.
You're right.
You're totally right.
I just got caught up in the moment, okay? I am sorry.
I will take care of it.
- Okay.
- I'll I'll go tell him.
- Okay? - All right.
Okay, I promise.
"Life sucks"? Is that really what you think? No, this is this is a game I'm working on.
So just because I told you I was 20 years old, now life sucks? - Is that it? - No, that's not it.
Life sucked way before that, and then life got better for a brief moment on our date, and then life pretty much went back to sucking.
Can we go out again or what? You know what I-I don't I don't think so, Roxanne.
Why is it such a big deal that I'm 20 years old and live with my parents? I should be the one freaking out that you're divorced with three kids.
Separated.
Worse.
You're still in limbo.
You're right.
You see that? You should run away as fast as you can because I'm a walking time bomb, baby.
- No, you're not.
- No, I'm not.
Some friends of mine are going to moonlight rollerway tonight.
Really? What's that? It's a roller-skating rink.
- It's kinda old school.
- Yeah.
Like you.
Like me.
That's good.
Make me feel better.
I don't I don't skate.
Neither do I.
That's why it's fun.
Okay, then.
- Guess I'll see you around.
- You'll see me around.
You know, I don't think you should develop that game, "life sucks.
" Why not? Because it doesn't.
Really? Okay.
Welcome.
Hi, Brian.
Bye, Brian.
That's it? You disgust me, remember? Yeah, it's me.
You better keep your phone on.
The spider's starting to weave its web.
I will, dude.
Absolutely.
You know that I'm here for you 100%, okay? Just stay out of the web, or or the girls will kill ya.
All right.
Later.
You ready? Yep.
All right.
What the hell are we doing here again? - We're getting lunch.
- Awesome.
I think I've been overreacting.
This place isn't so bad.
You're not actually gonna eat this food, are you? Look, it's no different than going to someone's office and eating in their cafeteria.
Yeah, except here, they got butter patties in the shape of an ass.
Hey, baby.
Hey, baby.
There's my girl.
What are you guys doing here? Where you in the neighborhood or something? No, no, we came to see you.
I'm just trying to be supportive.
That's what you wanted, right? Yeah, of course You're not staying, are you? And that's the point of this retreat to make our team stronger, make Davis realty synonymous with success.
And in an effort to achieve that goal, I'd like to introduce Martin First.
I know what you're all thinking.
What does this sweet, mild-mannered guy know about the cutthroat world of real estate? Don't be fooled, 'cause I am an animal! Unite! Fight! Excite! That's what we're here to learn today.
What, no, no beef stroganoff for you? No, no.
No, I'm gonna stick with the crackers.
They're hermetically sealed.
You know, it's weird.
Who are all these folks, you know? I have no idea.
Hey, a little ass butter? Hi.
I'm Anastasia.
No way! I heard about you.
All bad, I hope.
I don't know.
I didn't hear the end of the story.
Dude, this so doesn't happen at subway.
No, it's good.
And now taking the main stage Summer! You know what, man? I'm gonna I'm gonna head outside.
- I'll see you out there, all right? - Yeah, you sure? Now open your eyes and the human knot! Now here's the challenge Without dropping hands, I want you to work together to untangle yourselves.
How are we supposed to do that? Move to your right.
And go under my arm like this.
You, too.
Let's go! We can do this, people.
My wrist.
You know, you're surprisingly strong for a little woman.
Yeah, someone's breaking my wrist, too, Davis.
Let's just do this, so we can go back to our rooms and check listings.
By the way? - I'm on to you.
- What are you talking about? Don't pretend this isn't all part of some elaborate ruse to get closer to me.
Keep dreaming.
Having fun, son? Actually, yeah.
Yeah, it's better than I thought 'd be.
It's great.
I'm sorry to pop in like this.
No, it's not a problem.
Come on in.
We're gonna order some dinner.
You know, a little pizza.
- Are the girls here? - Yeah, they're upstairs with Maria.
What's up? Well, it's about the delivery.
Well, it's perfect timing, 'cause I gotta show you something.
Look.
I made some playlists, you know? Look at that.
Okay, now look, this is what you got here.
You got some mellow labor.
You know, that's for when things are just starting off.
You know, you want just a little bit of chill music, and then you got the up-tempo labor, which you have two options you have the '70 and '80s up-tempo and then you have Contemporary up-tempo.
You know, I didn't know exactly how you'd be feeling, So I figured I'd give you some options 'cause it's always good to have a few options, you know? Yeah.
Dave? Yeah? Hold on a second.
I gotta show you this really quick.
Look, you're gonna love this.
Energy food.
Well, you know, I won't be allowed to eat anything.
No, no, no, it's not for you.
It's for me.
In case of a marathon labor, you know, I want to be able to go the distance.
- Here's the thing, Dave.
- Yeah? Do you sure you know a lot about this? Yeah.
I'm an expert.
Well, how do you know what it feels like when your water breaks? Well Oh, my god.
That means you Yeah, you just did.
Okay.
Maria, you're gonna have to stay late tonight! We should get going.
Now you can say a real estate without information, and this guy gets info faster than anyone else.
This year's best-connected agent award goes to Brad Sheldon.
Congratulations.
Just so you know, the only reason I won this is because I just started.
Next year, you're going down.
No one can close like me.
No one.
- It's just a fact.
- Is that right? Yeah, that's right.
I'm the closer.
We'll see about that.
Let's see if we can't make this year the best year ever, and we can do that by working as a team, all together.
So thanks for coming and enjoy the rest of your evening.
Hello! Hey, Deen! We're in here in the bedroom.
okay, it's not in here.
- It's it's in the hall closet.
- Hall closet.
- W-what's going on? - I'm in labor.
- What?! No! - Yes! I know.
It's nuts.
I'm in labor! She's doing great! Breathing's fine, contractions are six minutes apart.
We called the doctor.
She's on her way to the hospital.
She's gonna meet us there.
I got the bag! You know what? Dave, uh, Dave, thank you very much, Dave, for getting her this far, but I have got it from here.
What? No.
No, no, no.
Deen, I'm going with her.
We had this kind of little deal here.
I was gonna help her through the whole thing.
- You didn't tell him? - You didn't tell me what? I'm gonna be with her in the delivery room, all right? Why didn't you tell him? I guess 'cause I went into labor.
I had a lot on my mind.
That's funny, but here's the thing, okay? I've got the playlist, and I've got the Ipod, so she needs me.
You know what? She needs me, too.
- I'm gonna go get my coat.
- Yeah, you do that, sweetie.
Listen, I am not gonna miss this, all right? I am gonna be in that room with her, so back off.
No, I'm gonna be in that room with her, okay? - So you back off.
- You back off.
Come on.
Come on.
Let's take the stairs.
Stairs, stairs, yeah.
The stairs are this way.
Wait, you can't go to bed yet.
The night's young.
What do you say we go get a drink? Come on.
Great banquet huh? You should have seen this guy when he was a kid.
He was all over the place.
Football one week Then soccer.
He even got into drama.
- Drama? - I wasn't into drama.
Yeah, you were in that play.
I never did a play.
Yeah, you started to do that play, and then, oh, yeah, I guess you fell out, but always had a little problem with commitment in those days.
You know what? I think I'm gonna turn in.
Hey, you haven't finished your drink.
I'm done.
I've had enough.
Good night.
What do you say we go outside and have a couple of cigars? I got some excellent cubans.
What are you doing, dad? What do you mean, "what am I doing"? Why are you trying to make me look like a jerk in front of Bridget? I was just telling cute stories about when you were a kid.
And what's with the drinks and the cigar? You got a problem with a father wanting to spend some time with his son? No, if that were true.
Since when did you want to spend time with me? Brian, all the time.
You're trying to keep Bridget and I away from each other.
That's all this is.
This place is kinda dead.
Let's go over to the other joint.
Have a drink.
They got live music.
I'm going to bed now.
Listen, Nicole is my friend.
I should have been the one to give her the baby book.
I should be the one driving this car, and you know what? I should be the one in the delivery room with her.
You've got to be kidding me.
Nicole is your friend? The only reason you know Nicole is through me.
- What?! - Cause Nicole is Brian's sister! I am Brian's friend.
I met Brian first! - You didn't meet Brian first.
- I saw him first.
You saw him first? Who cares? I saw him at the student union during registration.
When did you see him? I'm having another contraction.
Dave, stopping at a yellow light does not mean stopping really, really early.
You know what? Just listen to me.
Because these are all my friends we're talking about.
My best friends, okay? And you know, I-I don't even get to see my friends anymore half the time because of you.
Honey, you're doing great.
Just keep on breathing, okay? Can it with the breathing, would you, Dave? You two need to shut up, okay? This is not about you.
It's about me, okay? And I could use a little support in my labor.
Really, Dave? Just step on it, okay? You're driving like a grandmother! Okay, we're gonna move right now.
We're getting out of here.
contraction! What took you so long? Please go away.
Brian, it's me.
Open up.
Your sister's in labor.
We gotta go.
We need to go now, or we're gonna miss it.
I'll meet you in the lobby.
Can I come in? No.
No, you can't.
I need to use the phone to call the valet.
O-one minute! Just tell him I'm here.
This is ridiculous.
No, I can't.
He's too pathetic.
I feel bad.
Come on, Brian.
We're gonna miss it.
Hey, dad.
Let's go.
It doesn't matter if you see someone first, okay? It's not like calling shotgun.
We were actually friends.
We were friends.
You can't claim all these people as your friends, Dave.
I have known them as long as you have.
Whatever, Deen.
Whatever.
Why are you making this so difficult? I'm being difficult? You were the one that told Nicole to come to the house to tell me that I couldn't be in the delivery room was difficult.
That is because I was supposed to be in the delivery room with her.
I shouldn't have even let you drive us.
Now I can't drive.
What were you gonna get to drive with your boyfriend, K.
T.
Tunstall, with his fancy limousine, huh? He's not my boyfriend.
I've only been out with him twice, and that's probably all I'll ever be out with him, and the other night, I only went with him because I needed somewhere to go because you were with all of our friends.
Where's Nicole? Excuse me, do you know where Nicole Varzi went? She's in labor and delivery now.
- Okay, where's that? - Oh, wait.
Which one of us does she want with her? Neither of you.
W-wait a second.
We're supposed to be in the delivery room.
Are you Dave and Deena? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Nope.
No mistake.
But Hey, so what happened? Did she have the baby? Wait a second.
Aren't you supposed to be in the delivery room with her? Yeah, kinda.
Can I ask you a question? Who was friends with Nicole first, me or her? Oh, please.
- Just answer the question.
- Don't.
- Just - Zip it.
How are you feeling, hon? Good.
You sure? You don't have to be brave around me.
My feet are kinda cold.
Could you get my socks out of my bag, please? No problem.
These will keep your whole legs warm.
Those are Angelo's socks.
What are they doing in there? You have a game after this? Oh, my god.
Dave grabbed the wrong bag.
You want me to tell someone to get you the right bag? Could you please just bring it to me? Thank you.
I got your message.
I guess she hasn't had the baby yet.
Not yet.
Look how tiny they are.
They have their whole lives ahead of them.
You left the club without saying good-bye.
I know.
I probably shouldn't have even come.
What are you thinking right now? Well I'm actually thinking it's kind of a crazy question to ask my wife since I should already know Do you want kids? Yeah, I do.
Me, too.
I want a whole bunch of 'em.
Okay, when you say "whole bunch," how many do you mean like, three? Oh, no, no.
Nothing nothing like that.
I was thinking more like five.
- Five? - Yeah, maybe six.
- Where is she? What's happening? - She's in the delivery room.
Who's with her? She wanted to be alone.
Yeah.
Brian.
I'm here.
I'm okay.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I hate that you were alone.
I'm not.
I wasn't.
I have Angelo.
he should be here no matter what he did.
Well, I'm here, too, and I'm not going anywhere.
So let's do this.
Come on, baby.
Let's do this.
You're amazing.
Can I hold her? Of course.
She is so beautiful.
That's what we'll call her Bella.
You're gonna have to hold her a lot, you know.
You're gonna have to be like a daddy to her.
Hey, dad.
Come in.
Come in.
Come in.
She looks just like you, hon.
Her name is bella.
This is what it's all about, son.
In the end, this is all that matters.
You know, I know I haven't been a great dad, but I hope you know that I always loved you.
And I still love you, and I'm proud as hell of the man you've become.
Thanks, dad.
You want to hold her, dad? You know what? Let's go get some drinks.
There's a bar on third.
We can walk there from here.
Okay.
Sounds good.
You know what? I think you should go.
Oh, no, you come, too.
We can be together with the group without killing each other, I think, for one night.
No, I think you should go.
I mean, that was the plan.
We should stick to it.
- Okay? - All right.
Have fun.
Hey, you coming? You guys go ahead.
I'll be right there.
I can't go.
Why? I have to go back to work.
I'm sorry.
Go on.
What the hell is this place? That was a major accident.
You're here.
Yeah.
Weird, huh? Wanna skate? Oh, right, right.
You don't know how.
No, I can skate, kinda.
Not really.
Actually, the only reason I came here is 'cause I wanted to see you.
Come here.
That's why I don't put wheels on my feet, you know? 'Cause that's the kind of thing that happens when you do that.
What's going on? I don't want them looking at you.
What? You're my wife.
I don't want people looking at my wife so I bought out the whole place tonight.
I'll buy it out every other night for the rest of my life, if that's what it takes.
- Adam - Say you're done.
I'm done.
What? I quit as soon as I got here.
Tonight's my last night.
You're kidding me, right? After seeing those babies at the hospital, I just Well, I know what I want now.
You have no idea how happy that makes me because there's absolutely no way I could afford to buy is place out every night, especially with six kids.
- I love you.
- I love you, too, baby.
I felt something, too, that night at the hospital something big.
We're in this forever.