Whitney s02e10 Episode Script

Hey! What are you doing? Your dad's gonna be here any second.
Aw, it's so cute that you actually think he's gonna show up.
Even if he does, he's gonna be three hours late with a four-hour excuse.
Yeah, I just hope he doesn't try and sell us something again.
Oh, my God.
Like that stupid tooth whitening kit? You know, I think that thing actually made my teeth bigger.
I think it just made your face smaller.
Wonder who that is.
It's your dad.
- Alley-oop, how are you? - Hey.
There's my beautiful bug.
Dad, you're here.
And you're not wet.
Um, how was your trip? Not bad.
I sat next to a very nice lawyerette from California who invited me into the Admirals Club.
A little biscotti, a little networking, pretty good Saturday.
Vince, you want us to turn the music up real loud before we start talking? Nope.
We can speak freely.
And I have a little something I would like to give to you-- a belated wedding gift.
I love you, and I am proud of you.
It's $5,000.
Oh, my God.
Are you dying? No.
Things have really been going my way recently.
Things really started popping once Mercury got out of retrograde.
Okay, okay, oh.
So you need me to bury this in the desert? No, honey, it's yours.
Look, I know I haven't been the most dependable dad, but I'm really trying to change some things.
It takes some people longer to get their act together.
Please let me do this.
You deserve it.
Aw, that's really touching.
It's not fake.
I invested in a water well construction company a few years back, and they just got a government contract to start drilling all over the southwest.
Oh, that sounds really boring and real.
Okay, I'm gonna go check into the hotel.
I'll give you a call.
We'll meet up later.
Okay, sure.
Love you.
Okay.
And hey, start thinking about what you wanna do with that money.
My advice? Turquoise.
It's the new gold.
- Alex.
- Yeah? One word.
What is it? Turquoise? Boom.
- Was that just my dad? - Who cares? That guy just gave us 5,000 bucks.
You know what I'm gonna do with some of that money? I'm gonna get you some of those playoff tickets.
So are the playoffs still in town? That's so many nos.
And you're not spending it on me, all right? I have a better idea.
You're gonna use it to rent out a gallery and finally have a showing of your photos.
Now you won't have any more excuses.
Oh, pfft, now? It's too windy for art.
Bummer Oh! - Where you been? - Hey.
Let's see, uh, one vodka rocks.
One Heineken light.
That'll be $5,000.
I'm sorry.
Was it a secret? So your dad's gone legit, huh? No more mini horses in Paraguay? No floating malls in the Amazon? I don't know.
It was weird.
He was acting like a dad.
I--it's just, I don't know.
I feel like I've spent my whole life waiting for this.
- It's just kinda surreal.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We get it-- you're whole again.
But what are you gonna do with the money? You know, I was thinking about getting Alex some new jeans that don't have yellow stitching on them.
No, I told you, it's your money.
You're gonna spend it on you.
Honey, that is for me.
Ah, man, I'll tell you what I'd do.
If 5 grand fell into my lap, I'd sink it into this bar.
Some of this stuff's getting worn out.
The ice machine, the kegerator, that guy over there.
I would fly first class and stock up on those mini bottles.
I like them because when you drink too much, you only make mini-mistakes.
You know, I'd pay my student loans off from grad school.
Y'all don't know me.
I would just get my life back together.
I'd start looking for my own place.
Then I'd visit my family for the first time in two years.
I could see my grandma who's, uh, not doing great.
And I would fix this tooth that's always bleeding.
Here.
- What? - You win.
Uh, you know what, if I could-- Can I just--can I see that for a second? No, no.
You said this was my money.
I wanna use it to help Lily.
Whits, no, I can't.
Can I? Uh, no, I can't.
I--really.
Lily, come on.
I want to help you get back on your feet.
You need it way more than me.
Unless Alex breaks up with me, in which case, I'll need it back immediately.
I love you.
Come on, I love you too.
Oh, my God.
- Hey, Lily? - Huh? You wanna go out sometime? Alex, stop.
I just--I can't believe you gave Lily all that money.
She's family.
She has helped me through some really hard times.
You know how many cups she's peed in for me? Okay, and now she-- she doesn't have a cup to pee in.
Look, I'm not saying it wasn't an amazing thing to do.
You're a great friend, it's just-- you wanna know what I think? I think this is you avoiding putting your photos in a gallery, and, I mean, you had a perfect chance to invest in yourself, and you just blew it.
Hey, don't make me more complicated - than I already am.
- All right.
Well, you know what? I'm gonna pay for the space.
This way you can't make any more excuses.
How's that? Okay, I--I just-- Look, I'm just not ready.
You said the same thing about turning 30.
Fine, I'll turn 30.
Whitney.
Okay.
I'll put some photos together.
No, I want you to be excited about it, like the time you saw Urkel at the outlet mall.
Hey, I'm a 30-year-old photographer, and I'm finally gonna get to show my photos in a cool place, like a gallery.
Ooh, whoo-hoo! - What are you doing? - Sorry.
It's just what I'd be doing all day if I had those.
Okay, would you stop it? There you are, sleepyhead.
Here is your coffee.
Thanks, mouse.
Oh, the MacGuires across the hall invited us over for dinner.
So can you make that go away? I'm on it.
Andhere.
What's this? Open it.
Uh, your 5,000 bucks? Yeah.
I've been living off you for a year.
So that's for rent, food, and the side panel of your car.
I could never repay you with all the money I lose on my blog.
Lil, you don't owe me for anything, okay? You more than pull your weight around here.
You cook, you listen to my problems, and you threw away my magnifying mirror.
I just--I've never had this much money before.
And last night I was online, looking at land in new Mexico and bumpits.
I-I just-- I don't know how to be rich.
So can you please just at least hold it for me? You're the most responsible person I know I mean, with money.
Okay, all right, fine.
You know what? I'll put it in my account.
And then when you really need something, I'll give it to you.
Okay.
Now I'm gonna go change again, for no reason at all.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- How's it going? - Terrible.
People are gonna hate these.
- I mean-- - No, they're not.
They're great, all right? And since when do you care what people think? You voted for Roseanne.
Why are you so self-conscious all of a sudden? A couple months ago, I put some of my photos on this online gallery and-- People wrote some really nasty comments.
I mean, none of them were spelled correctly, but they were really mean.
Why didn't you tell me this? 'Cause I was embarrassed.
People said they were weird and aggressive.
But you are weird and aggressive.
That's what makes you different.
Plus, the whole thing about art is that people get to have opinions about it.
The only thing that matters is if you like it or not.
Okay, but what if they're right? - What if it's bad? - And what if they're wrong? - Well, what if they're right? - What if they're wrong? You're right.
Okay, I just-- I don't know.
I'm not into this right now.
I'm just-- after seeing those comments, I'm feeling kind of, like, traumatized.
You know, I think that's just this week's excuse.
I mean, last month it was that you didn't have the right film.
The month before that, you didn't have the right computer software.
The month before that, you had vertigo.
I can't wait to see what your excuse is gonna be next month.
Oh, so you wanna check back next month? You know what? I'm done begging you to do this.
Okay? If you're not gonna try, then I'm not gonna try.
Is this a picture of my-- Oh, yeah, you were sleeping.
- Ooh, hey, R.
J.
- Hey.
Listen, I am in a rush.
I gotta get to the bank before it closes, so I can only stay for three drinks.
Why didn't you just go to the bank first? Because they don't serve drinks at the bank.
All right, listen.
I am just gonna give you my card first so we can-- - Oh, my God.
- What? I-I think I'm gonna throw up.
Already? No, the $5,000 isn't in here! Lily gave it to me to hold for her this morning.
- This is not happening.
- Okay.
When was the last time you remember seeing it? Um, before I left for work this morning.
Lily gave me the envelope.
And then I finished my coffee, and I put it in my purse.
I-I think.
Maybe I didn't.
Here, let me look in your purse.
Sometimes you'll be looking right at something and not see it.
Well, the money's not in here, but I'm pretty sure you need a permit for that.
Hey, dad.
Sorry I didn't call you guys.
I-I wanted to come over and talk to you in person.
Oh, boy.
I-I hate to ask this.
But I need that money back-- temporarily.
Okay.
Yeah, I got a call from a neighbor.
We had a freeze last night.
Pipe burst in the ceiling, a lot of water damage.
I gotta give it to the contractor until the insurance kicks in.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, it's fine.
Um, I--I don't have the money on me.
But, um-- but it's cool.
I'll just, uh-- I'll bring it by your hotel tonight, okay? And then maybe we can get dinner after.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go to that hot dog place where the employees insult the customers.
Uh, maybe some place else.
Whitney got banned from that place for being rude.
Well, we'll figure it out.
- Thank you, honey.
- Okay.
- I'll see you tonight.
- Okay, yeah.
In the windy city the city by the lake Hello, ma'am.
Why, thank you.
Oh, no, man.
How am I gonna get that money? Ugh.
Well, just ask Lily for it back.
No, I can't do that.
She has nothing.
She's, like, desperate and sleeping on someone's couch.
Wow.
She really is like your family.
Oh, although, I technically would just be borrowing it.
And I can just pay her back as soon as my dad reimburses me.
Well, yeah, I mean-- you really think your dad's gonna pay you back? I know, I get it.
I see how you could think that, but I don't know.
I just-- I have this really good feeling that there's something different this time.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Oh, man, it's gonna be so awkward to ask her for that money back.
Ugh.
There has gotta be another way that I could get that money.
Oh, where's that picture of your thing? - Hey, what are you doing? - Whoa! Uh, when did you get home? Five hours ago.
What are you doing? Ooh, well, somebody is certainly full of questions today, huh? Oh, hey, I talked to the MacGuires.
I told 'em you moved out.
So if you run into them, you're a twin.
Whoa, whoa, uh-- where you going with that? To the mall.
The garbage chute.
- You taught me this.
- Well, you know what? Let me just, um, take a look and make sure you separated everything correctly.
Oh.
Okay.
Thank God someone is here.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Oh, no, this again? Rox, you okay? I'm fine.
Everything checks out.
It's ready for the chute.
She double-checks your garbage work? This just started.
Um, hey, I have to ask you, um, for that money back.
What? What?What? Why? It's kind of a long story, but my dad needs it.
But as soon as he pays me back, - the money's yours again.
- Yeah, sure.
I gave it to Roxanne to hold for me.
Yes, and I gave it to the bank.
So Okay, I'm pretty sure the bank will give it back to you if you just write me a check, so Yep.
Yes, yep.
No, totally.
Uh, sure.
Let me just get a check.
Check, check, check, check, check, check, check.
Uh, all right, so five-zero-zero.
Zero.
Hey, after dinner let's take your dad down to Navy pier.
Yeah.
Look at me, having a family.
It's gonna be so cool to hang out with him without having to wear a fake mustache.
- Oh, hey.
- Hi.
I thought we were gonna meet down in the lobby.
Oh, well, we got here a little early and the bar was crowded, so-- Can we come in? Oh, of course, of course.
Come on in.
Wow, a suite.
Nice, Vince.
Oh, I'm not actually paying for this.
Between the airline miles and the trip I won on the radio, it's basically free.
Can you believe it? Nope.
Dad, I-I thought we were going to dinner.
I made a reservation.
Oh, we can still go to dinner.
That's from this afternoon.
They still haven't taken it away yet.
This place is terrible.
Okay, nice.
Kobe beef and truffles.
You spent $200 on lunch, yet you need to borrow money? No, it was comped.
I had a drink with the chef last night.
Turns out we were both at the Atlanta Olympics at the same time.
There's no burst pipe, is there? Oh, no, there is a burst pipe.
My buddy in Argentina's plumber had to have heart surgery.
Okay, dad, just stop.
Okay, there-- there's no pipe.
There's no plumber.
There's no heart surgery.
There's no yacht.
There's no alpaca.
There's no boy band that you're trying to sign.
Just--just stop.
Bug.
Dance with me - No, no, no.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
You know what? Don't be.
Okay, it's-- it's always just gonna be one excuse after the other with you.
And it's just-- you know what? It's actually my fault for thinking that you had changed.
I mean, you're my dad and I love you.
But this is how it's always been, and this is how it's always gonna be.
And that's totally-- totally fine.
See ya, dad.
Wait.
And the money? You know what? I, um-- I'm actually gonna keep that, 'cause you're right.
I deserve it.
I-I'm sorry about this, Alex.
Look, Vince, in the future, if you need money, don't ask her, ask me.
All right, I'll help you out, but we gotta keep it between us.
It's just too stressful for her.
What's your cell? Okay, Lily, here is your $5,000 back.
Are you sure? Don't ask questions.
Thank you so much, again.
Oh, you know, why don't you just make this out to me? Since it's gonna go into my account anyway.
Okay.
- Uh, wait.
- Why? I've been thinking that I need to be able to handle my own money, you know? And I just wanna be a more responsible person.
You mean like Roxanne? I wanna give this money to someone who's always supported me.
So make the check out to Mark.
- What? - Huh? Oh, cold.
Lily, I'm not taking that.
Why do you guys hate money? Lily, this is crazy.
No, no.
You always give me free food.
And you've given us all this awesome place to hang out.
This is, like, my home now.
I love this bar, you know? Kinda wish it was in new Mexico, but I believe in it.
And I want to invest in it.
But we're gonna take this seriously.
You're gonna be a real investor.
Which means you're gonna be entitled to everything that a real investor in this bar gets, which so far is nothing.
I'll take it.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Congratulations.
I'm gonna need you to sign some paperwork and junk.
Paperwork and junk? You guys, I have something.
Well, then it's worth it.
Here you go.
Hey, Mark? You wanna go out sometime? Surprise! Low bar? We need to work on your definition of the word surprise.
No.
Over there.
Oh, you put your photos up.
Awesome.
Look, I know that it's not, like, a gallery.
No, you know what? It doesn't matter.
I'm so proud of you.
I didn't think that you were ever gonna do this.
And that's exactly what my dad does.
He always says he's gonna do something, and he never does it, and I am not gonna be that person.
So no more excuses.
Okay, fine, then that means you finally need to learn how to pronounce urlacher.
Let me just preface this by saying, I think it's great having your photographs hanging in my bar.
But my new investor has been up my crack about them.
Hi.
Listen, Mark.
Those top two photos need to be hung higher.
They're not catching the light.
And then after that, we're gonna talk about the dim sum menu.
No, we're not.
Whitney! This is huge.
Ahh, man.
These photos are beautiful.
I'd love to buy one, but I made a couple of bad investments lately.
- This one, I really like.
- Thank you.
Yeah, you know, that's one of my favorites too.
The poses are very provocative.
It's like Diane Arbus meets an early Sally Mann.
Art history minor.
Y'all don't know me.