According To Jim s02e11 Episode Script
The Brother-in-Law
Daddy, can you do everything? Me, yeah.
Can you do a handstand? Is the Pope Catholic? He is Catholic.
So, that means yes.
Do it.
I'm reading the paper here, honey.
You can't do it.
I can so.
You can't do it.
You can't do it.
Yes, I can.
BOTH: You can't do it.
Yes, I can.
BOTH: You can't do it.
Yes, I can.
Yes, I can.
BOTH: You can't Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it.
I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it.
All right? See? I can do anything.
BOTH: Yay! Yay! CHERYL: Hey! What's going on down there? (EXCLAIMS) Oh, baby! (BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) (PLAYING SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT RIFF) Andy, why do you have to do that Shave and a Haircut riff? That's kind of fun, don't you think? But, the blues aren't supposed to be fun.
Not with that attitude, they won't be.
I think this makes us stand out from all the other groups.
What other groups? We're five guys in a garage.
Hey, when we get our first gig, that'll be a great name for our band.
Five Guys in a Garage.
Yeah, too self-aware.
Oh! Hey! How about The Funky Wizards? Huh? We wear long robes, pointy hats Yeah, then we'll take ourselves out in a parking lot and beat ourselves up.
Skirt alert! Hey, guys.
Hey.
This is Eddie.
Hey, Eddie, how are ya? Hey.
Jim.
Good to see you.
Is this new boyfriend here? Oh, well, I mean, he is a boy and he's also my friend but, we haven't discussed commitment.
I mean, no pressure.
You can call me your boyfriend.
Boyfriend! Whoa! Slow down! (LAUGHING) I mean, it's all happening so Okay.
So I heard you guys out there.
You sound great, you got chops.
Well, thanks.
Eddie's a musician.
Oh, great.
What do you play? Uh, keys.
Well, well, well.
(LAUGHS) The 88s, the ivories, the motherboard.
Hey, you want to take my Maybelline for a spin? Yeah.
Okay.
Hey, treat her rough.
She likes it that way.
I mean my the keyboards not my sister.
Oh.
(PLAYING PIANO) Wow! (LAUGHS) Oh! That was hot, man.
It was incredible.
It was really good.
What, are you in a band? Not right now.
Well, don't give up.
Piece of advice, you wanna play the blues, you gotta live the blues.
How many Diet Snapples for The Funky Wizards? Come on, let's go tell my sister you're my boyfriend.
Cheryl! Hey, Eddie.
Yeah.
You ever play professionally? Here and there, you know.
Bonnie Raitt, Blues Traveler, Dave Matthews.
What about you guys? Yeah, same kind of stuff, you know.
Same kind of deal.
Cool.
You know what, I've got a gig at the House of Blues.
Actually, I need to put a band together.
Uh, you guys want to do it? (SIGHING) You know, we got to think about it really.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Great! We have We have two keyboard players.
Yeah! No, actually, I'd be the keyboard player.
Is that all right? Cool.
Yeah.
Sure.
You kidding me? Absolutely.
Great.
All right.
Well, I'll call you with the details.
Thanks.
All right, see you.
Yeah! Hey, what are you guys talking about? We can't do this gig without Andy.
Eddie's the real deal, man.
He uses all ten fingers.
CHRIS: Yeah.
Oh, come on.
No way, man.
No way.
Jim! No, man.
This is my garage, this is my beer, it's my wife, who you get to gawk at when she's hanging the laundry.
No! Andy stays in the band.
Period.
End of discussion.
Yeah, maybe Jim's right.
It's a lot more fun playing out here in the garage, pretending that the paint cans are an audience.
Jim, come on, it's one gig.
Well Maybe, you know I guess if the band took a vote.
Majority does rule Cheryl! Yeah? Cheryl, what's my dream? Jennifer Lopez is sleep-walking, climbs into bed with us.
Not that one.
Not that one.
The other one.
Oh, Brian Urlacher's sleep-walking and climbs into bed with us.
No, that's your dream.
Oh, right.
My dream, my dream about the band.
The band! The band just got a gig at the House of Blues.
Oh, my God! Jim! Yes! I've heard of that.
That's a real place.
Yes, it is.
(EXCLAIMING) Ah, it's great, isn't it? There's one thing I need you to do though, honey.
Oh.
I'm not going to the airport meeting Japanese business men again.
No.
Cheryl, this is much easier.
You just gotta tell Andy he can't play in the gig.
It's just one gig.
Well, what ever happened to loyalty.
Honey, this is the music biz.
It happens all the time.
(SIGHS) Come on, The Beatles got rid of Pete Best and replaced him with Ringo.
And then the band took off.
Pete Best wasn't Paul McCartney's brother-in-law.
You don't know that, Cheryl.
Look, I'm not doing this for you.
Your band, your problem.
Fine! Guess who's not going to appear semi-nude on our next album.
Oh.
(EXCLAIMING) Wow! Andy, I forget what a great architect you really are.
I mean, look at that.
Raw energy.
Fiery passion.
These are schematic drawings for a public toilet.
Yeah, yeah, and I would be honored to relieve myself in one of those.
Okay.
Andy, I need to talk to you about the band.
What? Oh, oh.
You're not changing the name, are you? Because I already had the T-shirts made.
Here's the thing, Andy.
The guys and I were talking about you and we think that Think what? We think that I was a little too harsh judging your you know Shave and a Haircut riff.
See? Yeah.
It works.
Yeah.
It's like, "I'm sad, I'm sad, but I'm gonna be okay.
" Yeah.
Hey! Oh, what time is practice Saturday? Saturday? Uh, I cancelled practice.
Oh, how come? Because you have to finish the Isenberg project by Saturday.
Oh, those aren't due for two weeks.
What, what, you question everything I say now? Just do it! All right, I'll do it.
You okay? I'm okay, I'm fine.
Fine.
All right.
Well, (CHUCKLING) I was gonna save this and show you at practice.
But since we're not having it Funky! (BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) Band sounds good with Eddie, huh? Yeah.
It's amazing how one incredible boyfriend can touch so many lives.
Don't you feel at all feel weird going out with a guy who replaced your brother? (SIGHING) Yeah.
But I'm trying to stay neutral like Switzerland.
You mean, creepy Switzerland that hid Nazi money? No, the fun Switzerland with the watches and the chocolate.
Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
Where's Jim? What are you doing here? Oh, well, Jim wanted me to put a rush on these drawings for Sunday, but there's a problem I need to go over with him.
Oh.
Well, he's in the garage, but you don't want to go in there.
Why? Well It might be a tad awkward because you know Yeah.
Didn't Jim talk to you about the band? Yeah, yeah, he told me he was cancelling practice.
(SIGHING) Oh, my God.
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) Is that the band? Oh, no, no, that's Ruby and Gracie out there, goofing around.
Yeah, I really should get them into a music program.
What's going on here, Jim? Wait a minute! You're not Andy! Andy, wait up.
Wait up, Andy.
Daddy, bet you can't drink this whole thing.
Oh! BOTH: Yay! What was that? Salad dressing.
Andy, will you just stop and talk to me? Why? Kicked me out of the band, didn't talk to me then.
We didn't kick you out of the band, all right? We were just rehearsing with Eddie for a thing.
What thing? A gig.
You got a gig? Yeah, but Look, the only way that we can get the gig is without you.
And that's the truth, Andy.
Oh, well, if it's the truth you want, I'll give you the truth Mr.
Fatty-Baldy-Needs-A- Breath-Mint.
You tell him, Andy.
Cheryl, you're slowing down the healing process.
Jim, I've been with this band for five years, from the beginning.
First gig we've ever gotten, and you're dumping me? I'm dumping you.
You're not out of the band, Andy.
It's just this gig, and it's not a big gig.
It's a dive.
It's nothing.
House of Blues.
Thank you.
What if I did this to you? Which, by the way, is something I would never do.
Well, I think, you kind of answered your own question there.
You know what hurts the most, Jim? What? Is that you lied to me.
No.
No, no.
The House of Blues hurts more.
Okay, they're tied.
Andy.
Andy, Andy, Andy, look, I know that you're upset, but this was for the band.
And I know you.
You're not the kind of guy that wants to stand in the way.
Are you? No.
A friend wouldn't do that.
Of course, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Is he gone? Yeah.
I didn't have anywhere to go.
I just felt the moment called for an exit.
Andy.
You know what, I don't blame him.
I stink.
I'd dump me, too.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't say that.
You're not the greatest keyboard player in the world.
Who cares? You know what, maybe it's time to start concentrating on your real talent.
Yeah, like karaoke.
Nobody belts out the theme from Titanic better than you.
Dana, I was talking about him being an architect.
Don't focus on what you can't do.
Embrace the things you can do.
You are a bright, talented guy.
You know, Andy, you have a gift.
Be proud of that.
Aw, sweetie.
Hey, you know, I could use a hug, too.
I mean, I finally have a boyfriend and it's tainted by controversy.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I appreciate the pep talk.
I think I'll be okay.
Okay.
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) Oh, God.
Snacking is not forgiving.
Come on, Andy, don't be mad.
It isn't personal.
Did you hurt me very deeply? Yes.
Am I a person? Yes.
Uh, personal.
So, come on.
Does that mean you don't want to pick up a burger with me, sit on the sidewalk and watch the chicks of the 12:30 spin class today? They painted the windows.
Besides, I have a lunch meeting today.
With whom? Daniel Back from Back Hart Design.
What? Yeah.
They've been courting me for a while, so I figured I'd see what they're putting on the table besides a donut.
I see, I see.
This is payback time for Jim, huh? You know what, Jim, for once, this isn't about you, okay? It's about me.
Andy.
I'm a bright, talented guy.
I have a gift and I should be proud of that.
Wait a minute.
Doesn't sound like you.
Who have you been talking to? Why would you assume that? I'm a big boy.
I can think for myself.
Cheryl! Yes.
But it's not her fault.
All she did was remind me of my potential.
Great! I specifically asked her never to do that.
So, what? So, what are you going to do? You're just gonna move on to this other job and just leave me hanging? I don't know what I'm going to do.
But, I don't think you're the kind of guy that would want to stand in the way.
Are you? I see.
Throwing my words back in my face, huh? Huh? Dana's idea.
Dana.
Hey.
You sold me out.
(LAUGHS) What? You told Andy he was a great architect.
You built up his ego.
You've undone all my good work.
(EXCLAIMING) I was just being supportive.
Supportive? Yeah.
Cheryl, you're either his sister or my wife.
You can't be both.
Oh.
Come on, now, look it, now, at what you did.
He's thinking about taking another job.
What? I don't know what you're so upset about.
I mean, you did what's good for you.
Why can't Andy do what's good for him? Because it's not good for me.
Oh.
Well, Jim, neither is bacon, but you eat that every morning.
Cheryl, you eat yogurt.
That's bacteria.
I hope you wash it down with a big glass of soap.
I don't want to talk about breakfast.
Why? I'm winning the breakfast thing.
Jim, I don't know why you even care if Andy gets another job.
I mean, you could always hire another architect.
No, I can't.
Andy and I have a communication.
We've got this short hand.
He gets me.
You know Honey, I don't know if you realize this or not, but I'm a little difficult to get along with.
(CHERYL GASPS) Yeah.
No! Jim! You're a constant delight.
Around the house and to you, but, you know Listen.
Honey, let me ask you something.
What exactly does Andy mean to you? Huh? I mean, is he just your brother-in law, a co-worker? Is he a friend? He's my son.
Why do you have to make everything so melodramatic? Well, Jim, you know what? Andy would know the answer to that question.
And just for your information, he called 20 minutes ago.
He turned down the offer for that job.
He did? Yeah.
Well, what is it with you and your family? What, are you all saints? Listen, honey, I just think you need to figure out your relationship with Andy.
I haven't even figured out my relationship with you.
(HARMONICA PLAYING) Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing? I just came to get my keyboard.
Why? I'm quitting the band.
You guys don't need me.
You should go for it.
I mean, we've all dreamt about that garage door opening someday, right? So, I heard you turned down that job offer.
Yeah.
I decided I like going to work every day and sitting across from my friend.
That'd be you.
Makes me happy.
And you can't buy that kind of happiness.
Yeah, you can.
They low-balled me.
Uh-huh.
Well, I decided that we're not going to do the gig.
What? Yeah.
It just wouldn't be the same, you know.
I mean, you're part of the group.
Eddie's not.
Yeah, but he's really good, Jim.
Yeah.
He's so good that he makes the rest of the band sound bad.
Really? Yeah.
Well, I mean, especially for, you know, John and Chris and Tony, you know.
And look, you know, Eddie plays, then Eddie leaves and hangs out with Dana.
Yeah, but you, when you're here, we have a couple of beers and You know, we hang out, we talk Then I stay for dinner, and then watch TV.
Maybe play a game of Boggle or Risk.
Yeah, and it gets late and then I'd tell you "You got to go home.
" And I look at my watch and say, "Where did the time go?" and act all surprised.
Good times, good times.
I don't know, it's not the same with Eddie.
Andy, you know, I could've You know, I could've told you sooner.
You know, I could've talked to you about the thing.
I owe that to you because you're, you know You mean, you're saying I'm your friend? You're not wearing a wire, are you? Thanks.
Yeah.
You're not really quitting the band, are you? Well, I won't on two conditions.
The first, I insist you guys play that gig with Eddie.
Yes! I mean, you know, whatever you think, Andy.
But I want free tickets, front row seats, and all the dirty martinis a fat man can knock back.
That's four conditions.
No, that's my first condition with three subsets.
All right, all right.
Here's my second.
The name Funky Wizards stays.
I would rather spend my weekends watching Antiques Roadshow than call the band Funky Wizards.
It's good to have you back.
Hello, Maybelline.
Daddy's home.
(PLAYING SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT RIFF) Andy! I can blues that up.
You better.
One, two, three, four.
(PLAYING BLUES MUSIC)
Can you do a handstand? Is the Pope Catholic? He is Catholic.
So, that means yes.
Do it.
I'm reading the paper here, honey.
You can't do it.
I can so.
You can't do it.
You can't do it.
Yes, I can.
BOTH: You can't do it.
Yes, I can.
BOTH: You can't do it.
Yes, I can.
Yes, I can.
BOTH: You can't Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it.
I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it.
All right? See? I can do anything.
BOTH: Yay! Yay! CHERYL: Hey! What's going on down there? (EXCLAIMS) Oh, baby! (BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) (PLAYING SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT RIFF) Andy, why do you have to do that Shave and a Haircut riff? That's kind of fun, don't you think? But, the blues aren't supposed to be fun.
Not with that attitude, they won't be.
I think this makes us stand out from all the other groups.
What other groups? We're five guys in a garage.
Hey, when we get our first gig, that'll be a great name for our band.
Five Guys in a Garage.
Yeah, too self-aware.
Oh! Hey! How about The Funky Wizards? Huh? We wear long robes, pointy hats Yeah, then we'll take ourselves out in a parking lot and beat ourselves up.
Skirt alert! Hey, guys.
Hey.
This is Eddie.
Hey, Eddie, how are ya? Hey.
Jim.
Good to see you.
Is this new boyfriend here? Oh, well, I mean, he is a boy and he's also my friend but, we haven't discussed commitment.
I mean, no pressure.
You can call me your boyfriend.
Boyfriend! Whoa! Slow down! (LAUGHING) I mean, it's all happening so Okay.
So I heard you guys out there.
You sound great, you got chops.
Well, thanks.
Eddie's a musician.
Oh, great.
What do you play? Uh, keys.
Well, well, well.
(LAUGHS) The 88s, the ivories, the motherboard.
Hey, you want to take my Maybelline for a spin? Yeah.
Okay.
Hey, treat her rough.
She likes it that way.
I mean my the keyboards not my sister.
Oh.
(PLAYING PIANO) Wow! (LAUGHS) Oh! That was hot, man.
It was incredible.
It was really good.
What, are you in a band? Not right now.
Well, don't give up.
Piece of advice, you wanna play the blues, you gotta live the blues.
How many Diet Snapples for The Funky Wizards? Come on, let's go tell my sister you're my boyfriend.
Cheryl! Hey, Eddie.
Yeah.
You ever play professionally? Here and there, you know.
Bonnie Raitt, Blues Traveler, Dave Matthews.
What about you guys? Yeah, same kind of stuff, you know.
Same kind of deal.
Cool.
You know what, I've got a gig at the House of Blues.
Actually, I need to put a band together.
Uh, you guys want to do it? (SIGHING) You know, we got to think about it really.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Great! We have We have two keyboard players.
Yeah! No, actually, I'd be the keyboard player.
Is that all right? Cool.
Yeah.
Sure.
You kidding me? Absolutely.
Great.
All right.
Well, I'll call you with the details.
Thanks.
All right, see you.
Yeah! Hey, what are you guys talking about? We can't do this gig without Andy.
Eddie's the real deal, man.
He uses all ten fingers.
CHRIS: Yeah.
Oh, come on.
No way, man.
No way.
Jim! No, man.
This is my garage, this is my beer, it's my wife, who you get to gawk at when she's hanging the laundry.
No! Andy stays in the band.
Period.
End of discussion.
Yeah, maybe Jim's right.
It's a lot more fun playing out here in the garage, pretending that the paint cans are an audience.
Jim, come on, it's one gig.
Well Maybe, you know I guess if the band took a vote.
Majority does rule Cheryl! Yeah? Cheryl, what's my dream? Jennifer Lopez is sleep-walking, climbs into bed with us.
Not that one.
Not that one.
The other one.
Oh, Brian Urlacher's sleep-walking and climbs into bed with us.
No, that's your dream.
Oh, right.
My dream, my dream about the band.
The band! The band just got a gig at the House of Blues.
Oh, my God! Jim! Yes! I've heard of that.
That's a real place.
Yes, it is.
(EXCLAIMING) Ah, it's great, isn't it? There's one thing I need you to do though, honey.
Oh.
I'm not going to the airport meeting Japanese business men again.
No.
Cheryl, this is much easier.
You just gotta tell Andy he can't play in the gig.
It's just one gig.
Well, what ever happened to loyalty.
Honey, this is the music biz.
It happens all the time.
(SIGHS) Come on, The Beatles got rid of Pete Best and replaced him with Ringo.
And then the band took off.
Pete Best wasn't Paul McCartney's brother-in-law.
You don't know that, Cheryl.
Look, I'm not doing this for you.
Your band, your problem.
Fine! Guess who's not going to appear semi-nude on our next album.
Oh.
(EXCLAIMING) Wow! Andy, I forget what a great architect you really are.
I mean, look at that.
Raw energy.
Fiery passion.
These are schematic drawings for a public toilet.
Yeah, yeah, and I would be honored to relieve myself in one of those.
Okay.
Andy, I need to talk to you about the band.
What? Oh, oh.
You're not changing the name, are you? Because I already had the T-shirts made.
Here's the thing, Andy.
The guys and I were talking about you and we think that Think what? We think that I was a little too harsh judging your you know Shave and a Haircut riff.
See? Yeah.
It works.
Yeah.
It's like, "I'm sad, I'm sad, but I'm gonna be okay.
" Yeah.
Hey! Oh, what time is practice Saturday? Saturday? Uh, I cancelled practice.
Oh, how come? Because you have to finish the Isenberg project by Saturday.
Oh, those aren't due for two weeks.
What, what, you question everything I say now? Just do it! All right, I'll do it.
You okay? I'm okay, I'm fine.
Fine.
All right.
Well, (CHUCKLING) I was gonna save this and show you at practice.
But since we're not having it Funky! (BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) Band sounds good with Eddie, huh? Yeah.
It's amazing how one incredible boyfriend can touch so many lives.
Don't you feel at all feel weird going out with a guy who replaced your brother? (SIGHING) Yeah.
But I'm trying to stay neutral like Switzerland.
You mean, creepy Switzerland that hid Nazi money? No, the fun Switzerland with the watches and the chocolate.
Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
Where's Jim? What are you doing here? Oh, well, Jim wanted me to put a rush on these drawings for Sunday, but there's a problem I need to go over with him.
Oh.
Well, he's in the garage, but you don't want to go in there.
Why? Well It might be a tad awkward because you know Yeah.
Didn't Jim talk to you about the band? Yeah, yeah, he told me he was cancelling practice.
(SIGHING) Oh, my God.
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) Is that the band? Oh, no, no, that's Ruby and Gracie out there, goofing around.
Yeah, I really should get them into a music program.
What's going on here, Jim? Wait a minute! You're not Andy! Andy, wait up.
Wait up, Andy.
Daddy, bet you can't drink this whole thing.
Oh! BOTH: Yay! What was that? Salad dressing.
Andy, will you just stop and talk to me? Why? Kicked me out of the band, didn't talk to me then.
We didn't kick you out of the band, all right? We were just rehearsing with Eddie for a thing.
What thing? A gig.
You got a gig? Yeah, but Look, the only way that we can get the gig is without you.
And that's the truth, Andy.
Oh, well, if it's the truth you want, I'll give you the truth Mr.
Fatty-Baldy-Needs-A- Breath-Mint.
You tell him, Andy.
Cheryl, you're slowing down the healing process.
Jim, I've been with this band for five years, from the beginning.
First gig we've ever gotten, and you're dumping me? I'm dumping you.
You're not out of the band, Andy.
It's just this gig, and it's not a big gig.
It's a dive.
It's nothing.
House of Blues.
Thank you.
What if I did this to you? Which, by the way, is something I would never do.
Well, I think, you kind of answered your own question there.
You know what hurts the most, Jim? What? Is that you lied to me.
No.
No, no.
The House of Blues hurts more.
Okay, they're tied.
Andy.
Andy, Andy, Andy, look, I know that you're upset, but this was for the band.
And I know you.
You're not the kind of guy that wants to stand in the way.
Are you? No.
A friend wouldn't do that.
Of course, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Is he gone? Yeah.
I didn't have anywhere to go.
I just felt the moment called for an exit.
Andy.
You know what, I don't blame him.
I stink.
I'd dump me, too.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't say that.
You're not the greatest keyboard player in the world.
Who cares? You know what, maybe it's time to start concentrating on your real talent.
Yeah, like karaoke.
Nobody belts out the theme from Titanic better than you.
Dana, I was talking about him being an architect.
Don't focus on what you can't do.
Embrace the things you can do.
You are a bright, talented guy.
You know, Andy, you have a gift.
Be proud of that.
Aw, sweetie.
Hey, you know, I could use a hug, too.
I mean, I finally have a boyfriend and it's tainted by controversy.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I appreciate the pep talk.
I think I'll be okay.
Okay.
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) Oh, God.
Snacking is not forgiving.
Come on, Andy, don't be mad.
It isn't personal.
Did you hurt me very deeply? Yes.
Am I a person? Yes.
Uh, personal.
So, come on.
Does that mean you don't want to pick up a burger with me, sit on the sidewalk and watch the chicks of the 12:30 spin class today? They painted the windows.
Besides, I have a lunch meeting today.
With whom? Daniel Back from Back Hart Design.
What? Yeah.
They've been courting me for a while, so I figured I'd see what they're putting on the table besides a donut.
I see, I see.
This is payback time for Jim, huh? You know what, Jim, for once, this isn't about you, okay? It's about me.
Andy.
I'm a bright, talented guy.
I have a gift and I should be proud of that.
Wait a minute.
Doesn't sound like you.
Who have you been talking to? Why would you assume that? I'm a big boy.
I can think for myself.
Cheryl! Yes.
But it's not her fault.
All she did was remind me of my potential.
Great! I specifically asked her never to do that.
So, what? So, what are you going to do? You're just gonna move on to this other job and just leave me hanging? I don't know what I'm going to do.
But, I don't think you're the kind of guy that would want to stand in the way.
Are you? I see.
Throwing my words back in my face, huh? Huh? Dana's idea.
Dana.
Hey.
You sold me out.
(LAUGHS) What? You told Andy he was a great architect.
You built up his ego.
You've undone all my good work.
(EXCLAIMING) I was just being supportive.
Supportive? Yeah.
Cheryl, you're either his sister or my wife.
You can't be both.
Oh.
Come on, now, look it, now, at what you did.
He's thinking about taking another job.
What? I don't know what you're so upset about.
I mean, you did what's good for you.
Why can't Andy do what's good for him? Because it's not good for me.
Oh.
Well, Jim, neither is bacon, but you eat that every morning.
Cheryl, you eat yogurt.
That's bacteria.
I hope you wash it down with a big glass of soap.
I don't want to talk about breakfast.
Why? I'm winning the breakfast thing.
Jim, I don't know why you even care if Andy gets another job.
I mean, you could always hire another architect.
No, I can't.
Andy and I have a communication.
We've got this short hand.
He gets me.
You know Honey, I don't know if you realize this or not, but I'm a little difficult to get along with.
(CHERYL GASPS) Yeah.
No! Jim! You're a constant delight.
Around the house and to you, but, you know Listen.
Honey, let me ask you something.
What exactly does Andy mean to you? Huh? I mean, is he just your brother-in law, a co-worker? Is he a friend? He's my son.
Why do you have to make everything so melodramatic? Well, Jim, you know what? Andy would know the answer to that question.
And just for your information, he called 20 minutes ago.
He turned down the offer for that job.
He did? Yeah.
Well, what is it with you and your family? What, are you all saints? Listen, honey, I just think you need to figure out your relationship with Andy.
I haven't even figured out my relationship with you.
(HARMONICA PLAYING) Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing? I just came to get my keyboard.
Why? I'm quitting the band.
You guys don't need me.
You should go for it.
I mean, we've all dreamt about that garage door opening someday, right? So, I heard you turned down that job offer.
Yeah.
I decided I like going to work every day and sitting across from my friend.
That'd be you.
Makes me happy.
And you can't buy that kind of happiness.
Yeah, you can.
They low-balled me.
Uh-huh.
Well, I decided that we're not going to do the gig.
What? Yeah.
It just wouldn't be the same, you know.
I mean, you're part of the group.
Eddie's not.
Yeah, but he's really good, Jim.
Yeah.
He's so good that he makes the rest of the band sound bad.
Really? Yeah.
Well, I mean, especially for, you know, John and Chris and Tony, you know.
And look, you know, Eddie plays, then Eddie leaves and hangs out with Dana.
Yeah, but you, when you're here, we have a couple of beers and You know, we hang out, we talk Then I stay for dinner, and then watch TV.
Maybe play a game of Boggle or Risk.
Yeah, and it gets late and then I'd tell you "You got to go home.
" And I look at my watch and say, "Where did the time go?" and act all surprised.
Good times, good times.
I don't know, it's not the same with Eddie.
Andy, you know, I could've You know, I could've told you sooner.
You know, I could've talked to you about the thing.
I owe that to you because you're, you know You mean, you're saying I'm your friend? You're not wearing a wire, are you? Thanks.
Yeah.
You're not really quitting the band, are you? Well, I won't on two conditions.
The first, I insist you guys play that gig with Eddie.
Yes! I mean, you know, whatever you think, Andy.
But I want free tickets, front row seats, and all the dirty martinis a fat man can knock back.
That's four conditions.
No, that's my first condition with three subsets.
All right, all right.
Here's my second.
The name Funky Wizards stays.
I would rather spend my weekends watching Antiques Roadshow than call the band Funky Wizards.
It's good to have you back.
Hello, Maybelline.
Daddy's home.
(PLAYING SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT RIFF) Andy! I can blues that up.
You better.
One, two, three, four.
(PLAYING BLUES MUSIC)