Animaniacs (2020) s02e11 Episode Script

theme song playing ♪
‐ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
‐ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
‐ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan‐ey, totally insane‐y ♪
‐ Mirage arcane‐y ♪
‐ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
♪
[shaking, clattering]
‐ Ah! Snake eyes!
‐ Yeah, that means you
married your prom date
and you both shop for
jeans at the grocery store.
‐ But I never got to live abroad!
Or try stand‐up comedy!
‐ And you never will.
‐ That's why they call it settling!
[rumbling]
[screaming]
[crashing]
intimidating music ♪
[whirring]
[clicking]
[beeping]
[alien noises]
‐ You know, this would be scarier
if we hadn't already done aliens
twice this season.
[beep]
‐ Sorry about that.
Are you the one they call
The Yak?
‐ It's Yakk‐O.
And it depends who's asking,
four plus four plus four eyes.
‐ We hear you are best at
condensing complex information
into catchy jingles.
‐ Well, maybe not the best
But yeah, objectively the best.
You heard right.
‐ What is everything about Earth? Please.
‐ Everything about Earth!?
♪
Uh
[sighs] Okay.
Well, I'm gonna need a 92‐piece orchestra
and a lukewarm green tea
with lemon and honey.
[snap]
[whirring, zap]
I said luke warm!
Luke!
[snap]
[zap]
That's more like it.
Maestro, if you please.
At first there was nothingness,
then some unknown process ♪
Lead to a great big explosion ♪
The universe grew
from a subatomic stew ♪
Of quarks, gluons, plasmas, and bosons ♪
Then gas and dust settled
on hot cores of metal ♪
And one of these
cores was called Earth ♪
It was covered with goop,
a primordial soup ♪
From which all of Earth's
life was then birthed ♪
At first, single cells,
some swam or grew shells ♪
Still others evolved to hunt prey ♪
Some hid in the sand,
some crawled onto land ♪
So life, well, life found a way ♪
‐ Uh, we already did this bit.
Uh huh, in the pilot. Mm‐hmm.
‐ There were mosses and gymnosperms,
seven‐foot‐long earthworms ♪
Huge dragonflies ruled the sky ♪
Amphibians, cephalopods,
pedallers both bi‐ and quad‐ ♪
Reptiles started to fly ♪
We had lizards grow big and small,
mammals not big at all ♪
Sharks were the size of a house ♪
Then, one little meteor
killed all the dinosaurs ♪
So, we evolved from a mouse ♪
8,000 BC, Creation Theory ♪
Would dictate the song
should start here ♪
Though most of our herd
agree it's absurd ♪
Some teach it in place
of Shakespeare ♪
Let's skip evolution,
there're two revolutions ♪
Agriculture took us to towns ♪
Humans learned to grow wheat,
got all fat, loved to eat ♪
Stopped walking and just settled down ♪
Industrial next, its major effect ♪
To take us from towns to the city ♪
We mined coals and built trains,
machines plowed our grains ♪
And we treated the workers real shi‐‐ ♪
‐ How many more of your Earth
seconds is this going to take?
‐ Well‐timed interruption.
Almost there, I promise!
We recorded some tunes,
put a man on the moon ♪
Fought more wars
than we care to recount ♪
Sent the Phoenix to Mars,
built electric cars ♪
And polluted a shocking amount ♪
Skipping to now,
we survived, not sure how ♪
It's getting real hard to keep track ♪
[inhales deeply]
There's Wikipedia, smartphones,
tablets, unmanned drones ♪
Pick your own genomes,
ride‐sharing, sheep clones ♪
Earthquakes and cyclones,
valleys of Silicone ♪
Gluten‐free vegan scones,
temperature milestones ♪
Keystones and sword thrones,
high‐interest payday loans ♪
Cyclists' testosterone,
and everything Musk owns ♪
But at least now us Warners are ♪
Back! ♪
We are back, baby!
♪
[clapping]
‐ You have been most helpful, The Yak.
‐ Yes. While we absorb the essence
of all species on your planet,
we will ensure your carbon atoms
are re‐purposed for only
the highest quality nutrient paste.
[slurping]
♪
‐ Joke's on them!
We aren't even a species!
NARRATOR: CEO Michael Benton.
[applause]
Silicon Valley venture capitalist,
egomaniac,
searching for everlasting life.
Then, a freak accident transforms
his biological makeup
[fizzling, boom]
turning him into an angry gnome.
[yelling]
The creature is driven by rage
[yelling]
and must now live in people's mouths
‐ Who do you think you are,
bullying somebody around!?
NARRATOR: and speak for them when
they cannot speak for themselves.
‐ You're just waiting around
for the clock to tick!
[car rumbling]
♪
[roar]
NARRATOR: He is
The Incredible Gnome In People's Mouths.
♪
‐ Oh What?
Where's my pudding?
[slurping]
Hey! Uh That's my pudding!
‐ I don't see your name on it.
Besides, it's just butterscotch.
You probably wouldn't even like it.
Don't want you getting cavities.
Bad for your teeth.
‐ Hey! Uh Oh
[gagging, grunting]
‐ Hey! Get your hands off that pudding!
[screaming]
Don't you know how to respect
your elders and their puddings?
Lemme talk to your supervisor!
♪
‐ Now, I'm sure if we just talk calmly
about what happened.
‐ The time for calm
talking has passed, sister!
She boosted that butterscotch
right out from under
that baby boy's booger box!
‐ I'm sorry!
I have low blood sugar,
and I don't get a lunch break.
So, I get irritable.
‐ You're irritable!?
I'm stuck in this old man's mouth,
and he quit brushing in 1972!
I know your job is hard,
but you can't lash out
by pilfering pudding! And you
I wonder how the governor
would feel about your blatant disregard
of the revised California labor laws,
section 22 G, requiring lunch breaks
for all employees whose
shifts exceed seven hours!
‐ Oh, I‐I'm sure we can resolve this.
♪
‐ Someone stole all the corner pieces!
‐ Hold on one minute, Mrs. Miller.
I'm on my lunch break.
[slurp]
[grunting]
‐ You're welcome!
[laughing]
‐ Help!
[rumbling]
[grunts]
‐ Hm!
[revving]
[tire screech]
[laughing]
‐ I wonder where he'll go next.
‐ I suppose wherever
there's a helpless person
whose problems can be
solved by violent screaming
and reckless intimidation.
♪
[thunder]
Pinky & The Brain theme ♪
‐ Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder]
♪
‐ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
One is a genius ♪
The other's insane ♪
They're laboratory mice ♪
Their genes have been spliced ♪
They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
♪
[typing, beeping]
‐ Oh. [grunts]
How much longer do
I have to hold this, Brain?
[grunts] It's almost
a quarter to 11:00! [gasps]
It's way past my lunchtime already.
[groans]
‐ Patience, Pinky. I am attempting
to hack into the control
unit for this traffic light.
‐ Oh! Are we going to throw
a traffic light party?
Well, I shall have to
wear yellow because
[typing, beeping]
It's complicated.
‐ We have no time to carouse, Pinky.
I'm working on a scheme to triple
the length of every red light
on Earth, causing mankind
to go insane with road rage,
paving the way for me to seize control
of a world torn asunder!
[beep]
Ha!
[buzz]
[tires screech]
[cars honking]
‐ Gah!
Come on!
[honking]
I'm late for my anger management class!
[cars honking]
‐ Ha! You see? It's working!
[bike approaching, brakes squeal]
♪
[coughing]
Pinky! [cough]
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
‐ [woozy]: I think so, Brain,
but if the house is pickles,
who would horse the hose down?
Ah! I've got you by the gills now,
Wet Gregory!
♪
[gasps]
♪
MAN:
Fine weather we're having.
‐ Fine weather we're having.
‐ Fine weather we're having.
‐ Fine weather we're having.
[gasps]
[bicycle clicking]
‐ Pinky, wake up. We've been mouse‐napped.
‐ Well, I've was been napping,
until you waked me up.
‐ We must escape this
horrendous place at once.
Looks like Wes Anderson had
a seizure at Brooks Brothers.
♪
‐ Sorry. There's no way out.
Except by ferry,
but that won't come
until tomorrow at 8:30 AM.
It's always a pleasure to meet
two fellow super‐villains.
I am Dr. Doppler.
‐ Fellow super‐villains?
You think I'm super?
Well, I'm flattered, honestly, but
No, no. I want answers, Doppler.
Where have you brought us?
‐ Why, this
is Dopplerville!
A super‐duper
super‐villain island retreat,
where my hench‐people and hench‐sheeple
can live and work together
to harness the weather
and create global chaos!
[zap]
[evil laugh]
Why? Do you not have
a super‐duper super‐villain
island retreat?
‐ Um, of course I do.
‐ [laughs] No, you don't!
‐ Well, I have a lab. Though,
I guess it's not technically my lab.
‐ It's a cage!
‐ It's more of a rental space,
but it keeps overhead low.
‐ It's got a major rodent problem!
[grunts]
DOPPLER: I see.
Well, if everything goes
according to my plan,
you'll be out of that
rusty rat trap faster than
a winter cold front.
Now then, why don't we let
your weary selves sit a bit?
‐ Ooh!
I haven't seen so much food
since a second ago
when I saw all this food
for the first time! [laughs]
Do you mind if I have some?
I still haven't had lunch!
‐ Yes, of course!
Help yourself to some refreshments
while I introduce the others.
Here, on my left,
we have my right‐hand woman,
Mrs. Kettle.
Her Yorkshire pudding recipe
is to die for. Literally.
‐ Ah!
‐ Next, we have Phoenicia Leatherpants,
a skilled stunt pilot
who's the scourge of the skies.
[grunts]
Baldo Billions,
famously bald American businessman.
His corporation,
[giggling]
CRUELCO, maximizes profits
and pain.
[grunts]
‐ Enough small talk, Doppler!
Why have you brought
us all to this island?
More importantly,
what's the Wi‐Fi password?
‐ It's "Doppler," but the O is a zero.
‐ I have spent years
toiling in solitude.
Hurricane Randy,
Typhoon Mary, Karl the Fog
Each of them, my precious creation.
But alas, none have had the power to cause
long‐lasting destruction.
That is why I decided to assemble
the best and brightest villains
this wondrous,
thunderous world has ever known!
♪
With our powers combined,
we can conquer the planet
and split the spoils.
Here's what I propose.
[hissing]
Using my ingenious weather technology,
Phoenicia will the seed the clouds
from her aeroplane,
creating the perfect conditions
[sprinkling]
for a massive hailstorm.
Then, Mrs. Kettle shall
activate my patented
Dr. Doppler Doomsday Device.
[squeaking, whistling]
It will produce a powerful storm,
unleashing the largest
hailstones ever recorded.
ALL:
Ooh.
DOPPLER: Once the buildings
of every major city are destroyed,
they will turn to Mr. Billion's
CRUELCO Construction to rebuild,
making us trillionaires
and de facto rulers
over a crushed world.
[panting]
[cheering]
‐ And what, may I ask,
is my contribution in all of this?
‐ You, Mr. Brain,
have the most important task of all.
[sighs]
You will climb
hundreds of meters into the sky,
battling high winds and other
fantastically adverse
weather conditions
‐ Naturally.
DOPPLER: until, finally
you press the little red button
that opens the giant umbrella over
my beloved Dopplerville.
BRAIN: Wait, that's it?
All I'm supposed to do
is open an umbrella?
‐ But, of course!
You're the only one who's
teensy weensy enough to do it!
[grunting]
Now, who wants
to see if they can outrun a tornado?
[laughs]
[excited chatter]
[splattering]
‐ Ha!
Ah
BRAIN:
This is ridiculous, Pinky.
I must prove to Dad‐‐ I mean, Dr. Doppler,
that I am worthy of his respect
and utmost confidence.
[rumbling]
Oh!
‐ And how will you do that, Brain?
Oh, please say dance off,
please say dance off.
‐ No, Pinky. I will showcase
my ample talents
and prodigious genius
by neutralizing them.
[laughter]
‐ Say no more, Brain. I'll make
an appointment with the vet.
♪
BRAIN:
You're just in time, Pinky.
With a drop of this tincture
in Baldo's coffee,
his businesses won't be the only
thing shooting raw sewage
into the nation's water supply.
Watch me strike first
in this war of wills.
‐ Ooh! My money's on Will Smith.
Or maybe Will Ferrell?
No, no. Smith to win it all!
[grunts]
‐ Quiet, Pinky.
Both because we have to be stealthy,
and because you're an idiot.
♪
[groans]
[crash]
What in the world?
‐ Oh dear. He's got himself into
quite a pickle, hasn't he?
Ugh! I would kill for a pickle right now.
[gasps] There's one!
‐ [sighs] Come, Pinky.
Things are getting interesting.
It appears, in this game,
I'm not just playing with myself.
‐ [Yakko voice]:
Good night, everybody!
[normal]:
[laugh] I did it! I crossed over!
‐ Quick! There's no time to lose!
♪
Listen carefully, Pinky.
If Mrs. Kettle took down Baldo Billions,
we must put her out of commission
before she does the same to us.
Every day, Mrs. Kettle dusts
the busts in the great hall.
I will make her slip
and fracture her spine
by covering all 3,240 square feet
of hardwood floors
with 1,200 sticks of butter.
‐ Oh, sure.
When we need 1,200 sticks
of butter for your thing
[clank, whirring]
BOTH:
Ah!
♪
‐ Egad, Brain! She's frozen.
Like Jack Dawson in Titanic.
Or Jack Nicholson in The Shining!
Or Jack Frost in Michael Keaton!
‐ If Mrs. Kettle has been eliminated,
[squeaking, sliding]
that means my adversary must be
[thud]
Phoenicia, the aviatrix!
Quickly, Pinky,
before she takes to the skies!
[plane rumbling]
Phoenicia! I know it was you!
You may have dispatched the others,
[muffled]:
but you won't get rid of me that easily!
For I am the Brain, the cleverest
and shrewdest mastermind
[muffled]:
in the world!
‐ What!? I can't hear you!
You're gonna have to come closer!
[plane rumbling]
Eh, forget it.
[plane roaring]
[zooming overhead]
♪
[plane sputtering]
[explosion]
‐ Yeah! Egad, Brain, you did it! [laughs]
You showed those rotten
evil‐doers what's what!
‐ But, I didn't, Pinky.
I didn't do anything to anybody.
DOPPLER:
You tried your fuzzy‐scuzzy best,
but there was someone even more devious
and dastardly than you.
Someone who created
a torrent of torment!
[beep]
[clang]
‐ Narf!
‐ Ah! [grunts]
[crash]
[groaning]
[static]
‐ Ooh, you poor thing.
I can't believe you haven't eaten all day.
‐ Narf!
[bang]
‐ Oh my!
[click]
[muffled banging]
[muffled]: Hey! Let me out!
[static]
[glugging]
[shaking]
[boom]
[sizzling]
‐ Narf.
I'm sorry. It was an accident!
I was just hungry!
‐ Hungry for power!
[laughing]
Pinky, you're the most maniacal madman
this side of the Gulf Stream!
I want the two of us
to rule the world together!
‐ This is ridiculous!
Pinky's not a super‐villain.
I'm the brains of the operation!
My name is literally The Brain.
How much more clear‐cut can you get?
‐ Oh! Let's celebrate our new partnership
with some ittle‐biddle vittles, shall we?
[unicycle squeaking]
‐ Pinky, don't you dare!
‐ Oh, I'm sorry, Brain,
but I'm so hungry,
my body is eating itself up,
and I don't taste very good! Ah!
[chomp]
♪
‐ Can you pass a biscuit?
‐ Sure, but it might take me 24 hours.
[laughing]
‐ Oh, Pinky!
You are quite the cut‐up.
Let's toast with some bubbly.
[straining]
[pop]
Oh!
[screaming]
[splash]
[gasps]
‐ Well done, Pinky!
Maybe you are an evil genius.
Was that your plan all along?
‐ What's a plan?
‐ Right. Well, at any rate,
Dr. Doppler's doomsday device
is now ours for the taking.
[squeak]
[straining]
[both yell]
[spinning]
♪
[pumping, whistle]
[thunder, wind howling]
[screaming]
[maniacal laugh]
It's working! It's working!
[smashing]
PINKY: Ah!
BRAIN: No, wait!
I never put up the umbrella!
[smashing]
[Brain screaming, Pinky laughing]
‐ Fine weather we're having!
[smash]
[wind stops]
♪
‐ It just goes to show you, Brain.
There are no small parts.
Only small packages.
No, wait. Good things come with tiny,
easy to swallow parts.
No, no, that's not it.
‐ Come, Pinky. We must go back to the lab
to prepare for tomorrow night.
‐ Why, Brain? What are we
going to do tomorrow night?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the‐‐
[smash, cracking]
world
[thud]
♪
[panting]
‐ See? I knew Jack and Rose
could have both made it.
♪
♪
‐ Good evening, and welcome to
Math‐terpiece Theater.
Tonight, a community torn apart by greed.
A forbidden love blossoms,
perhaps for the last time.
A meditation on capitalism, if you will.
[coughing, hacking]
A beach ball at the store usually costs
$5.50.
This week, the store sells the beach ball
for $3.25.
How much money will Carlos save
if he buys one beach ball?
♪
[zombie chatter, groaning]
[muffled wailing]
‐ I'm scared!
‐ We're gonna be okay, baby.
They‐they look more worked
up than they really are.
[smash]
[screaming]
[growling]
Carlos! Is that you?
[growls]
‐ Save yourself!
Ah!
[screaming]
[clattering, smashing]
[squeaking]
[growl]
♪
[evil laughter]
[bones cracking]
[crackling]
‐ Carlos, please, get a hold of yourself!
It's not worth it!
You're only saving‐‐
$2.25.
[chalk scraping]
‐ Oh, the humanity.
[glass shattering]
[screaming outside]
NARRATOR:
Next time, on Math‐terpiece Theater
♪
‐ I need six rubber bands
for each puppet I build,
and I need to build seven puppets.
How many rubber bands will I need?
CREEPY VOICE [muffled]:
Six times seven is 42.
‐ Ah! Who said that?
horror music ♪
♪