Best Friends Whenever (2015) s02e11 Episode Script

1 Thank you all for waking up early to attend our final Christmas Eve Party Planning Meeting.
Well, that 4:30 a.
m.
air horn really got the blood pumping.
Sorry about that.
But when it comes to waking up, some of us need a little tough love.
Right, Cyd? Right, Cyd? (Air horn blaring) I'm up.
Let's talk Christmas party.
It's finally our turn to host the neighborhood party, but we have a lot to live up to.
Last year the Vanderwoods had perfect decorations.
Amazing food.
They even had Prancer signing autographs.
He tried to charge me 25 bucks for a photo! Who does he think he is, Rudolph? All right, I need a status report.
Mom, how's the food? The pigs are tucked in their cute, little blankets.
All: Aw! And roasting in the oven till their juices boil and their skin splits.
Wow, that got dark fast.
What about decorations? All we have to do is pick up another string of lights from Barry and we're good to go.
And I'm all set for the grand finale.
The neighborhood kids are going to love it when I come out dressed as Santa.
Don't say that name in our house.
The real Santa is on our naughty list.
We're gonna trap him 'cause we need to have a little talk about the "gift" he gave us last year, socks! Why not just give us underwear or the flu? Maybe somebody should be assigned to keep an eye on Brettt and Chet.
I'm sure they'll be fine.
(Thud) We were testing the cookies.
They work! I know it sounds crazy But time doesn't faze me Ever since it lost its hold on me Hey, hey Hung out till midnight Missed the curfew, that's all right I'm back to bed and right on time, you'll see Whenever You need me I'm right there with you Whenever There's something You wanna redo The clock is ticking but not for me I'm living in a different reality Whenever Whatever Wherever I'm right there with you I'm right there with you Hey, hey Renaldo, your Santa transformation is almost complete.
Historically accurate costume, check, a beard attached with a super strong adhesive of my own design, check, and even an inflatable belly.
Check.
(Chuckles) That tickles! Hey Barry, we need to borrow some Christmas lights Whoa! Santa! Yes, I knew this would happen! Your sleigh broke down and you need our help! Come on, Shelbs, we're gonna save Christmas! It's Naldo, isn't it? That is a good costume.
The real Santa's busy delivering presents tonight, so I'm filling in for him down at the mall.
Oh, I better get going.
I got to catch the crosstown Blitzen.
That's what Santa calls the bus.
And I'll be staying here, far from those greedy germ bags known as kids.
Barry, you don't like children? It's not that I don't like them, it's just that they're dirty and smelly and dirty and I'd rather do anything else than be around them.
So, really, it's more like I hate children.
Well if you aren't going with Naldo, do you guys want to come to our party? Actually, I think I'm just gonna stay here and hang with A Christmas party? I'd love to go! Myself.
Hang with myself.
That's what I was going to say.
I'll go get those lights for you.
I always loved the holidays as a child.
My family had so many wonderful traditions, golden wreaths, lavish feasts watching the maids polish the good chamber pots.
Just thinking about it is making me homesick.
Daisy, I know.
Why don't you bring something that reminds you of home to our party? Really? I could put together a Yulebocken.
It was my favorite tradition.
A Yulebocken! Perfect! That's exactly what our party needs.
What's a Yulebocken? I thought you knew.
I just donated the toys.
I just peed in the fountain.
It feels good to give back, doesn't it? Brett, look, it's Santa! I bet he came here to stock up on socks so he can disappoint more kids.
That's not the real Santa.
Hello, Brett! Hello, Chet! Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho! How did he know our names? There's only one possible explanation.
That is Santa! Let's go have a little talk with him about what we're getting this year.
And if talking doesn't work, I'll punch my palm until I think of something else.
Hello, boys and girls.
It's Santa.
You know it's me 'cause I have my big bag of toys that, apparently I left in Barry's workshop.
Well, that cartoon was ridiculous.
If your heart grew three sizes, you'd die instantly.
Hello? Hello, Barry.
Santa has a problem.
Why are you talking like that? Because if people found out I wasn't the real big guy it would disappoint a lot of kids.
Listen, can you bring me my bag of toys? It's the bag of toys marked, "Bag of toys.
" Santa can't be Santa without a bag of toys sitting by his side.
I don't know.
I'm kind of busy.
Come on, we both know you're just sitting there pointing out plot holes in old Christmas movies.
That criticism is both scathing and accurate.
I'll get my jacket.
We have a bone to pick with you.
With me? Are you, or are you not Santa? Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be? Stuff a sock in it.
No seriously, Brett, stuff a sock in it.
(Cell phone vibrates) I can't believe this.
That snotty Krissi Vanderwood from down the road just RSVP'd.
But, I thought she stopped talking to you after she transferred to that fancy French school.
She did.
I bet she's only coming here to make fun of our party.
Like her family's party was so great.
It was so great.
(Knocking on door) Hi, Daisy! Is that your princess thingy? Yes.
You were so nice to include one of my traditions in your festivities.
This is perfect! Even Krissi Vanderwood will be impressed.
The minute she lays eyes on it, she'll be like Oh, holy night! What is that thing? A Yulebocken.
You know, the Christmas Goat.
In my kingdom, it was always displayed to ensure you had a great holiday feast.
Do you like it? It's creepy and stinky and repulsive.
I love it! Is it supposed to smell like that? Oh, heavens no.
He should smell way worse than that.
His garlic and manure crown must have fallen off in the yard! Be right back.
What are we gonna do? This thing is hideous.
If Krissi gets a sniff, she'll tell everybody our party was a joke.
All of her French friends will be like (Laughs mockingly) That's how French people laugh, right? Mom, you haven't hung the wreath yet? I ran out of time.
It smells terrible in here.
I thought we sent Brett and Chet to the mall.
It's okay, no problem, we've just got two minutes until the party starts, no wreath on the front door and a statue that smells like an inside-out dog! Shelby, you just go help your mom.
I'll hide the statue.
I can't believe we forgot to fill the ice bucket.
I'll get it! That's odd.
How did you get in there? Norm: Shelby, can you bring me the batteries? My tie won't light up.
Go, go.
I'll handle the goat.
Uh Oh.
Where'd you hide the Yulebocken? That's so strange.
What is going on? (Bell rings) The guests are here! Daisy, why don't you see if they'd like an hors d'oeuvre.
Okay.
Being a kitchen maid is so much fun.
I don't know what my servants were complaining about.
Where are we gonna hide this thing? Outside! Upstairs! The Yulebocken! What happened? It was an accident! Oh, this is bad.
The Yulebocken needs to be honored.
He protects your festivities.
But if harm comes to him, he unleashes a horrible curse on them.
Are you saying our Christmas party is cursed? Did I hear the doorbell? I just hope it isn't those insufferable Vanderwoods! Of course, you'd be the first to get here.
It's Krissi! Look at that stupid beret.
Man, I want one so bad.
Quick, Dad, light the tree! You have to send these people home.
They are in danger.
Daisy, there's no such thing as a Christmas curse.
(Lights exploding) And so it begins.
The Yule Goat rides! I'm sorry, I'm being very dramatic.
But you guys are super cursed.
Wasn't that exciting, Krissi? Just wanted to kick the party off with a bang.
A tree without lights is just a sad plant.
Of course we're not gonna leave it like that.
Dad, Krissi thinks our tree is lame! Do something! What do you want me to do? Get the ladder and steal some lights from the roof? That's what you want me to do, isn't it? This is how it begins.
The curse starts small, but before you know it your drink has turned into vinegar and your vinegar has turned into blood.
And your blood has turned into Okay! It's awful.
We got it.
Cyd, do you think we really are cursed? Is my party doomed? No.
Any minute now Norm is gonna come down from the roof with the lights and everything will be okay.
(Norm screaming) (Thud) I got the lights.
What are you guys doing here? Somebody throwing a party? Your dad falls so weird.
Oh, yeah? Well, your dad is a doctor and it would be really great if he could examine my dad.
I'm really worried about him.
Renaldo, where are you? Ugh, look at you all with your grubby little hands.
Digging in your noses like you don't know it's disgusting, grow up.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not Santa.
I just happen to be dressed in all red, standing outside Santa's workshop, carrying Santa's bag of toys.
(Children cheering) All right.
All right.
Just give me the beard.
(Laughing) I do not even want to know what Krissi just said.
Oh, then I won't tell you that she said, "This party is so boring.
"Also, Shelby sat on a gingerbread man.
" We need something to entertain everybody while my dad restrings the tree.
Hey, why don't you sing that song you planned? Great idea! My performance of "Deck the Halls" at the West Portland Senior Center won a "Granny".
I'll go introduce you.
This is definitely gonna turn the party around.
I now present to you my best friend, the hostess of this party, the girl who sat on a gingerbread man because she meant to The one, the only, Shelby Marcus! (All cheering) (Clears throat) Deck the halls (Farting sounds on keyboard) Shelbs, what is happening? I can't turn it off! It's the curse! Oh, don't you start! There's no such thing as (Frizzling) (All gasping) Cyd: curses.
Boys, please let Santa go! Not until you admit we were good enough this year to get laser tag stuff! Good? You tied me up in ribbons and stuffed a stocking in my mouth! Oh, that wasn't a stocking.
That was last year's gift.
Mom says I have the sweat glands of two boys! Ech! Okay guys, I didn't want to disappoint you, but I'm not the real Santa.
It's me, Naldo.
Naldo doesn't have a beard.
It's fake! (Screams) He doesn't think we're serious, Brett.
I think it's time to turn up the heat.
Guys.
I think I'm starting to sweat.
Now you know how my feet feel, even in flip flops.
Help! Help! All right.
Let's get this over with.
Come on you little urchin, get up here.
Now, tell Santa what inane, mindless toy you want for Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho.
(Inaudible) A chemistry set? Well, aren't you adorable! Tell Santa if you're more interested in alkaline or acidic solutions.
This is awful.
Everything is wrong.
It's the curse! Shelby, there is no curse and I'm gonna prove it.
Astrid, start passing out apple cider for the toast.
And I'm talking full pours, none of this two sips and you're done business! Norm, we're going to need your big Santa finale sooner than we thought.
Right! Oh, wait a minute, I can't get changed in here.
It's too dark.
Uh, here, take this.
And hands off the shelf marked "Cyd's Snacks.
" Cyd, this is my home and I If my parents are busy, who's going to give the toast? I'll do it.
I've made quite a few speeches at my cousins' coronations.
Always the princess, never the queen.
Ladies, gentlemen, we gather here on one of the shortest nights of the year.
Made shorter by the fact that we will all surely die here in this kitchen.
Merry Christmas! Cheers! The cider's awful! This has never happened to me before! This could not get any worse.
(Norm screaming) Hot Santa! Hot Santa! (Children screaming) No, wait.
Santa just lit his suit on fire! And it just got worse.
We have to jump back and fix everything.
Let's smack it! What happened? Why didn't we jump? Our power's gone! Shelby, we are cursed! This is so embarrassing! I lost my ability to time travel in front of Krissi! I can't believe the curse took away our ability to time travel! Does this mean I have to go back to solving my problems like a regular person? You are going to hate it.
Guys, the Santa finale was our last hope.
Maybe we can get another Santa suit.
On Christmas Eve? Where? Hey, Naldo's wearing one down at the mall! Come on, Shelby, we can fix this.
Yeah, you're right.
It's Christmas, it's a time of miracles! That's the spirit! We'll be home as soon as we can.
So hopeful in the face of certain doom.
This is why I love you girls! You want a book of animal facts? Delightful! Did you know in a single year, a colony of bats will drink the blood of 25 cows? Merry Christmas! For some reason that Santa reminds me of Barry.
But it can't be.
He hates children.
The last time Barry's eyes twinkled like that, he was trying to re-animate a dead spider.
Naldo: (Shouting) Help! Help! Please stop! Bret, Chet, what are you doing? Please! Turn off the fireplace! I'm so hot! And I'm not Santa! Sure, and I'm not an amateur magician with a B minus average and a recessive hair gene.
You guys, this is Naldo.
Really.
It is Naldo! Well, in that case Thanks, guys.
No problem, Naldo.
What is on your suit? It's a combination of regular sweat, fear sweat, and I'm not ashamed to admit it, a few tears.
We can't use this suit, it's soaked through.
We really are cursed.
You're cursed? Yeah, we ticked off Daisy's stinky goat man and now he's making sure we have a lousy Christmas party.
That's terrible! You didn't get to spend it with your friends and family? Well, yeah.
We did.
Actually, it was a pretty crazy night.
Norm fell off the roof.
And Shelby farted "Deck the Halls".
For the record, that was my possessed keyboard.
Wow.
That sounds like you guys threw a pretty awesome Christmas party.
Yeah, I guess we did.
Cyd, what if Naldo's right? What if there is no curse? Maybe between stressing out about Krissi Vanderwood and the Yulebocken, we convinced ourselves we were cursed.
Is that what you're saying, Naldo? Yes.
Maybe.
To be fair, I'm very dehydrated, and it's hard to understand all four of you when you talk at once.
So, if it was all in our heads, we should still be able to jump, right? Only one way to find out.
Our power's back! Now, we can jump back to the beginning of the night and fix everything that went wrong.
I don't want to fix everything.
I mean, maybe we didn't throw the perfect party.
But, it's a night I'll never forget.
Yeah.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Well, I'd like to change out of this Santa suit.
Any chance one of you guys could untie me? Right.
Sorry.
What's happening? I'm so glad you're back.
There has been a terrible turn of events.
The Vanderwoods invited everyone over to their house for a backup party.
Come on, everybody.
This Christmas party is the worst.
Krissi, I was so worried about impressing you with this party that I almost ruined it for the people who matter the most.
So if you want to go, go.
I think this party is perfect.
How is this party perfect? You don't even have a Santa.
Ho, ho, ho! Santa's here! (All cheering) Sweet Navidad, it's a Christmas miracle! He also replaced a dead fuse in the garage, gonna bill the homeowners later.
Merry Christmas! In your face, Krissi! We have three Santas.
Original, soggy and extra crispy.
Is that Barry? Hi, Santa.
We haven't been very good boys this year, but is there any chance there's anything in that bag for us? Well, let me have a look.
Barry, that's my dirty laundry! It's too late, I'm going with it! Ah, yes.
Here we go.
Two nice pairs of socks.
Both: Thank you.
Merry Christmas, Daisy.
You fixed him! I'm sorry we broke him in the first place.
It wouldn't be Christmas without a Yulebocken.
To a perfectly crazy Christmas.
And the end of the curse.
Seriously? The eggnog, too? (Both laughing) (Both groan) Guys, look what Santa brought us! Just like we asked for! Barry, did you give the twins laser tag gear? No.
I got them Junior Mechanical Engineering Software.
It was cheap, educational and quiet.
But if you didn't get it for them It must have been Santa! Renaldo.
As much as I enjoyed playing capitalism's greatest hero, you can't convince me that Santa listens to every request.
How do you know? Well, for instance, I didn't get my Christmas wish this year.
And what was that? Hey, guys.
Daisy, what are you doing here? I heard what you did for those children at the mall, and I just wanted to tell you I think it was very sweet.
You do? Yes.
You know, you have a bigger heart than people realize.
You were saying? I take it back.