Big Nate (2022) s02e11 Episode Script

- Who can say
where the road goes? ♪
- Brought to you
by the letter Zee!
- What are we even watching?
It's confusing my soul.
Change channels!
- Ugh. I wish.
My dad cut the cord.
Now all we get is
public-access TV, channel 12.
- [groans]
- [laughs] Aah!
-This is your off-hours
associate content producer,
Wink Summers, with today's
"News Nanosecond!"
- They let
a failed meteorologist
become a producer?
I guess Hollywood people
really do fail up.
- This just in!
Rackleff's been voted
the "Most Boring
and Forgettable Town in Maine."
The Map Makers Guild is voting
to remove it
from the map entirely,
citing that writing
the word "Rackleff"
is a "pointless waste of ink."
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What?
We're way too awesome
to be from the most boring town
in Maine.
And meow, here's
everyone's favorite segment,
"Grooming with Godfrey!"
[cat meows]
- Mrs. Godfrey has
her own show and I don't?
How is this possible?
- Uh, yeah.
This show's worse than school.
At least stuff happens
at school.
[bell dings]
- Teddy, you're a genius!
I should pitch Wink
a reality show set at P.S. 38!
We're all more attractive
and talented
than anyone else they've got
on this stupid channel.
- A reality show would be
the perfect opportunity
to make a name for myself.
- Let's do it!
[laughter]
[upbeat music]
Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught,
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- Hmm.
[glass shatters]
- Young man, you can't go
in there.
- Wink, old buddy, old pal.
Hey!
Congrats on the producing gig.
You know, you're really
putting out some, uh
[clears throat] Unique content.
- You like it, huh?
- Didn't say that.
- Yeah, it's--it's been--
[wails] Oh, it's been terrible!
Oh, my boss is gonna fire me!
[sobs]
- Well, maybe it's because
your content is exclusive
to a platform
that not everyone has access to
or even knows about yet.
Uh, either way, you're lucky
I came here today, Wink.
I've got just the thing
to bring in fresh eyeballs.
My show is gonna be way hotter,
way cooler,
and way juicier than anything
you've got on air.
- Color me intrigued.
- It's--drumroll.
A middle-school reality show!
- That sounds
amazing!
I love reality shows!
All right, kid.
You've got a deal!
- [gasps]
- Just sign this contract
giving me full creative control
so you won't have
to worry about a thing.
- [laughs] Okay,
nothing bad has ever come
from someone blindly
signing a contract, right?
[upbeat music]
- [laughs]
I can't believe I'm about
to make my reality show debut!
- I'm not getting involved
with some reality show.
"Aww, that girl uses
a wheelchair.
She'll provide
a heartwarming story."
[sighs]
- Ha ha! Yeah!
I get to show people
how awesome I am
and I get free food?
My Swag-Life dreams
are coming true!
[vocalizes guitar riff]
- All right,
where are your stars?
I canceled "Indoor Hog Hunting
with Coach John" for you.
- There she is.
- [snorts]
- What a beauty.
- [squeals]
- Aah!
- You want stars, Winkmeister?
Well, we've got stars up
to our armpits.
We make Rackleff Rackleff.
Jazz hands.
- Yeah, yeah, just point me
to the comedy,
the tragedy, most importantly,
the conflict!
- Good afternoon,
I'm your host, Nate Wright,
P.S. 38's
most in-demand cartoonist
and all-around heartthrob
[laughing]
If I do say so myself.
And over there,
Francis is the brainiac
of our friend group.
Hey, Francis!
Say something brainy.
- Uh, well, um--
[groans] Uh.
- Now that is good TV.
- [shudders]
- [winces] Want me to explain
the Pythagorean theorem
or--or identify all historic
U.S. battle sites on a map?
- No!
- Uh, can I have my bike back?
- No, I'm stealing it!
This is mine now!
[bell dings]
Aah!
You made me crash
my bike, you losers!
- Don't waste your time filming
that jerk-wad Randy.
Huh, yeah, he's basically known
for being a villain.
- Which is exactly
what we need!
Not this Randy kid, though.
He's the quiet, brooding type.
Our villain should be
more theatrical!
- Oh, okay.
Well, uh, we're focusing
on everyone's talents anyway,
and Randy doesn't have any.
- He is talented at defying
all human laws of evolution.
[chuckles]
- You're a riot.
- I am?
- Ooh, a girl using
a wheelchair.
- Amy's from New York City.
She's an amazing chef.
You know, if you viewers are--
- I see you use a wheelchair,
Amy.
What happened?
[dramatic music]
- Sorry, it's just so hard
to talk about.
See, I was trying
to save an orphaned kitten
on the railroad tracks
when I was brutally attacked
by a feral, uh, moose!
[sobs]
- [laughs] You're such a dork.
Can you please take
this seriously?
- Ugh, fine.
Hi, audience.
I have cerebral palsy,
which is a condition
that affects
my muscle coordination,
and, in my case,
it's due to a brain injury
that occurred during birth.
- Ah, so that's why
you couldn't run
from a feral moose!
Keep fighting the good fight.
We're rooting for you, Amy!
- You're on your own
with this clown.
- [laughs] Okay.
See you inside.
Now "Who is Dee Dee Holloway,"
you ask?
Wait, wait, wait! Come back!
[upbeat electronic music]
- Uh, uh.
- [chomps]
- That girl is a star!
- Whoa! What--
what am I looking at there?
- Ooh, ooh!
Last year I played a cat in--
- Ooh, this kid looks like
trouble.
- That's Chad.
He's impossibly adorable.
Right?
- I just realized
that fingernails are basically
toenails for your hands.
[dramatic beat]
- Aah!
- Whoa, never thought about
my fingernails that way.
- [clears throat]
Shall I start with
A song? ♪
Or a tap dance?
- Boring!
- Check it out!
I'm Teddy Krueger.
[laughs]
- This is Teddy,
the class clown.
- Don't quit your day job, kid.
- Pfft, I don't need
your validation, brah.
I'm just here
for the corn dogs!
Swag Life!
[vocalizes guitar riff]
- [laughs] Great content, kid.
Let's find some more.
- Wait!
Wait! Don't forget about me!
I will do literally anything
to be on camera!
- Hold up,
is this the girl you said
was gonna bring the drama?
- Yep, Dee Dee is all drama
all the time.
- Oh, it's true! I love drama
What do you wanna see?
I've played Bonnie and Clyde,
Lady Macbeth's
equally corrupt cousin,
Katie Macbeth, okay,
and Captain Hook's hook!
- You specialize in villains,
I see.
Go ahead and show us
what you got.
- Whew! Thanks!
[laughs]
Being on TV is
kind of my thing.
[exhales] And now,
Shakespeare's "King Lear."
Thou art a boil, a plague sore,
an embossed carbuncle in my--
- This is perfect.
- Mm!
Gah! This is so exciting!
People all over Maine are gonna
meet the real Dee Dee Holloway!
- [laughs] Yeah,
and all those people
are gonna find out that
Rackleff isn't boring at all.
It's super dope.
Tonight on "Nate & Friends"
we've got drama,
we've got intrigue,
we've got a star.
- [grunting]
[chomping]
- Our class clown
- [groans, shrieks]
[laughter]
What the?
- The brainiac
- Fingernails are basically
toenails
for your hands.
I never knew that.
- Here's Teddy!
- I'm only here
for the corn dogs. [burps]
Ha, accurate!
- This is Amy
- [cries]
- [sighs]
- Introducing our impossibly
adorable heartthrob,
Randy.
- [farts]
[cackles]
- What?
- Um--
- Gross!
- Hunky.
- Last but not least
- Ooh, here I am!
- She's known
for being a villain,
Dee Dee Holloway.
- You're such a dork.
- [wails]
- Thou art a boil,
a plague sore.
[all crying]
[cackles]
What?
- Wink, Wink, baby,
I say this with love.
You're insane!
There is no world, none,
in which Randy Betancourt
is a heartthrob!
And Dee Dee being mean?
She's, like, the nicest person
I know!
- Trust me, kid.
I'm an associate producer.
You didn't bring the drama,
but the Winkster,
he gets results.
"Nate & Friends"
is posed to become
the highest-ranked program
in channel 12 history!
[cash register dings]
- [laughs]
I knew my friends and I
were just the ones
to finally get Rackleff
some respect.
Booyah!
But seriously,
we gotta lay off Dee Dee, okay?
- Sure, sure, kid.
You just worry
about being famous.
[cheers and applause]
[lively music]
- I'm just here
for the corn dogs.
- Yeah, you are, bro!
- [gulps]
[tires screeching]
- Hmm? [grunts]
- [squeals]
He's such a wild child.
- Total bad boy.
- [coughs]
- [laughs nervously]
Uh, hi, guys.
[crowd booing]
- Go home!
- Guys, guys,
it was just
a little editing mishap!
I'm really a good person.
- Dee Dee's a bully!
- [gasps]
- There's Amy,
the moose-attack victim!
- Stop being so gullible,
people.
Ugh, suburbanites.
- For the moose annihilation
fund.
- Dude, that didn't really--
- The moose assassins need it
more than me.
My family is rich.
- Uh
- Aah!
[laughter]
Oh, maybe I am funny.
- "Nate & Friends"
is my favorite show.
- They love us!
They really love us!
- I should go tell the fans
a joke.
Hey, guys, what did the neuron
say to the electron?
- More free food! Dope!
- Dude, will you sign
my corn dog?
- Um, maybe later, brah.
Right now I'm all about
this sweet sandwich.
- You aren't a sandwich guy.
You're here for the corn dogs.
Corn dogs, corn dogs!
- You wanna keep
this free food train rollin',
then you better go sign
that man's corn dog.
- Fine, but don't let anyone
eat my sammie.
- Nate, did you talk to Wink?
- Oh-ho-ho, sure did.
And guess what!
We are getting mad eyeballs.
[laughs] Yeah, our ratings
are off the charts!
- How is that good news?
That just means more people
think I'm a jerk.
- Hoo, ha, jerk, jerk, jerk!
- Aw, come on.
Don't worry, Dee Dee.
Wink promised
he's makin' some changes.
The rating are great,
and you'll have tons of time
to show everyone
just how awesome you are.
I mean, show out.
Have some ciabatta.
- Dee Dee sure dropped
a bombshell last night,
didn't she, calling you all
boils and plague sores?
- Yeah, maybe Dee Dee's
not here for the right reasons.
- Reality Show
Super Phrase Alert.
- Hillary, what--
what are you saying?
- Uh, I don't know.
This guy told me to--
- Let's dive deeper
into your harrowing experience,
Hillary B.
- Uh, rude.
- Wink, can I steal you
for a sec?
I wanted to let everyone know
that I'm donating my lunch
to the needy today.
- Hey, that's the Dee Dee
we all know and love.
- Would you like
to give me your lunch
so we can feed the needy?
- I guess.
I mean, I guess.
- Would you like
to give me your lunch
to donate to the needy?
- Uh, sure.
- Randy, would you like
to give me your lunch to--
- No, I'm the needy one.
I don't wanna share.
You can't make me.
- Oh, I am so sorry, Randy.
I didn't realize
you were so hungry.
Here, you can have mine.
Hey, guys, would you like
to give your lunches
to the needy?
- Mmm, mmm.
Oh, it tastes like validation.
[bright music]
[laughs]
- [sneezes]
Curse you pollen, dust,
and mold spores.
[laughter]
Mom! Dad!
I've decided to become
a professional comedian.
- [gasps]
You seriously got a pony?
- Yup, had to do something
with all that cash
people keep giving me
to get rid of mooses.
Meese?
I don't know.
This is Hork.
- See, reality TV isn't so bad
after all.
You got a pony,
needy people got
tons of sandwiches,
and after tonight's episode,
my reputation will be restored
and all of Maine will love me.
Everybody's winning.
- Maybe Dee Dee's not here
for the right reasons.
- Whoa, I've been pushed!
[groaning]
- [laughs]
- Actions speak louder
than words, am I right?
- Gimme your lunch.
Gimme your lunch.
- [cackles]
- [crying]
- Wow, Dee Dee, just wow.
All of us here
at "Nate & Friends"
pledge our ongoing support
to poor Randy.
- Why is Wink doing this to me?
- I knew Wink was a sleazeball.
He only cares about ratings
and that sweet
public-access cash.
- If only I could give him cash
to make me look good.
Oh, hang on!
How much moose money is left?
- Aw, come on.
I was gonna get Hork a brother.
- Sad Hork!
- [cackles]
- [screams]
- Wink, this is my show,
and we gotta make some changes,
pronto.
I'm taking over as editor.
- Ah-ah-ah-ah.
Don't you remember?
You signed a contract giving
me full creative control
of "Nate & Friends."
It's my way
or the highway, kid.
- Seriously, Wink?
Then it's the highway.
Dee Dee is one
of my best friends,
and there is nothing
that upsets her more
than being disliked.
Well, except for pigeons.
- Pigeons, you say?
[knock at door]
- Hang on.
- Mayor Klatchko?
- Nate Wright,
I just went online
and discovered
that "Where is Rackleff?"
Was tonight's
third most-searched term
right after
"Why foot itchy middle-aged?"
Rackleff's back, baby!
Here's a bucket
of chicken wings
and the key to the city.
- [groans]
[key clangs]
Rackleff is back on the map,
and it's all thanks to me!
- I helped too.
- Gotta go, Wink.
Make Dee Dee look good.
See you tomorrow.
- Can't get enough
of dreamboat Randy?
Dying to see what trouble
Dee Dee will kick up next?
Tune in tomorrow for our
most shocking episode yet!
[doorbell rings]
- You got the cash?
- Ugh, no.
My mom busted me for collecting
fake moose money.
- No! How'd she find out?
- Someone named Hork
ate her entire shampoo bottle.
- [neighs]
- Ugh, what am I gonna do?
Paying off Wink was
my only hope
to salvage my image.
- [gasps]
- Hey.
Whatcha here for, little buddy?
- [laughs] Okay, okay.
I gotta go to school, man.
- Ya here for the corn dogs?
[chuckles]
- [groans]
- Come on, little dude.
You gotta say it
before I can let you pass.
- [sighs] I'm here
for the corn dogs.
- Boom! You said it!
You totally said it! [laughs]
- Corn dogs!
- [screams]
[siren wails]
- Oh, pardon me.
Pardon me, Miss.
- [groans]
- Miss Kressley!
I'm with Shining Star
Talent Agency,
and I would love to sign you
and put your name in lights.
- That's supposed to be me.
- Can I get some privacy,
please?
I'm trying to have breakfast
with my family.
[growls]
- Aah! Not again!
[birds chirping]
- [sighs]
Chad?
- Uh, no!
There's no Chad here.
Just a regular tree.
[scats]
Aah!
- There he is,
the only person smart enough
to solve climate change!
The polar bears need you!
[all yelling]
[dramatic music]
[car alarm blaring]
[alarm beeps off]
- [yowls]
- I love you, Randy.
- [yowls]
- [chokes]
[grunting]
[laughter]
- [sighs]
- Ah, another day of proving
Rackleff's awesomeness.
- Nate, the viewers are
ravenous for more content.
What's on the menu today?
- Yeah, uh, hey, over there!
Chad, what's two plus seven?
- Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no!
- Hey there, Randy.
Whatcha got?
- This is my face
and my sandwiches.
You can't have them!
- Ha ha, um, okay.
That's fine.
I'm sure we can find someone.
- Don't you worry about it,
Nate.
I've got it covered.
- What's in the box?
- Little something to showcase
Dee Dee's vulnerability.
Viewers love vulnerability.
Here's our drama queen!
Some fans have sent you
a special gift, Dee Dee.
- I have fans? For real?
- Why don't you open it?
[cooing]
- Aah! Pigeons!
Aah! No! Get away, get away!
Aah!
- [laughs] This is pure gold.
- Hey, that wasn't cool!
If putting Rackleff
on the map means
throwing my friends
under the bus,
then, well, it's not worth it.
You've driven everyone away.
[bird squawking]
- Nonsense!
You signed a contract,
remember?
We just need to get creative.
Your buddies
can't quit the show
if they don't realize
they're filming the show!
[cackles]
It's a hidden camera!
Go capture
some juicy private moments
and I'll work my magic on it.
Reality TV viewers are idiots!
We can make people
believe anything.
Just get that footage
to me by 5:00.
- So Nate, wanna tell me
how Wink knew
to give me a fit like that?
Nobody knows I'm afraid
of pigeons.
Nobody except
my so-called friends.
- Uh, I'm sorry, Dee Dee.
I didn't meant to tell him,
and I didn't mean
to sign your lives away
on that contract.
I got so wrapped up in ratings
and putting Rackleff
on the map,
I just went all in.
I didn't realize it would
lead to hurting my friends
and Randy,
but the good news is,
I can fix this.
Uh, check it out!
I have a professional TV camera
hidden in my hair.
- Are you kidding me right now,
Nate?
- No, no, no! Wait!
Wait, wait, wait! Hear me out.
We can make our own show,
Dee Dee, starring you!
We'll show everyone
you're not a jerk
and give Wink a taste
of his own medicine.
- Hmm, okay.
Teddy can edit,
Francis is on script duty,
Nate, you're on voice-over,
and I'll be starring
and directing.
- Could not have made
a better plan myself.
[adventurous music]
[phones ringing]
- Episode 214 is on the way.
[laughs] We're just running
a tad behind schedule.
It'll be ready
at the end of the day.
We're handling it in post!
Oh, you can't rush the process.
There you are!
You almost left me hangin',
kid.
It's nearly 5:00!
- Oh ho-ho.
I'm sorry about that, Winkypoo.
Hey, Francis, email Wink
the footage!
- Done.
- This better be good
'cause there's no time
to edit it.
- [laughs] Don't worry.
It's perfect.
- "After the Final Bell,"
ooh, I get it!
Viewers will think
they're getting
a behind-the-scenes exposé.
- Exactly.
It's time to show the world
who I really am,
the unedited, unfiltered
Dee Dee Holloway.
Ooh.
[cash register dings]
I smell scandal.
Love it.
- This is my friend,
Dee Dee Holloway.
She's great under pressure.
[cheers and applause]
Dee Dee is a model citizen.
- Whoa! Whoa!
- A hero to all
[dolphin chatters]
- While still being
super talented.
Did I mention that?
- [yodels]
- Incredible! Incredible!
- Dee Dee is all-around
super awesome.
[monitor beeping rapidly]
- [roars]
[sweet music]
- Think that polar bear is off
to get a brrr-ito?
[laughs]
[booing]
- We aren't airing this.
No one's gonna watch
this nonsense.
- [laughs] Oh, it's already
airing, Winkybear.
Yep, up to 150,000 views.
both: Sweet.
- This link is on the Internet?
[gasps]
You don't have permission
to post "Nate & Friends"
on the Internet.
It belongs to me.
- Correction.
"Nate & Friends" belongs
to you.
"After the Final Bell" belongs
to me and my friends.
Oh. [laughs] Look at that!
200,000 views.
Looks like we've gone viral.
- What can I say?
The people love me.
The real me, that is.
- But this is drivel!
It's pointless!
It doesn't even have a villain.
- Oh, don't worry, Wink.
There's a villain. [laughs]
Wait for it.
[ominous music]
- [laughs darkly]
I'm failed meteorologist
Wink Summers.
I think reality TV viewers
are idiots.
Puppies are stupid.
This will ruin me!
You have to take this down!
- Oh, yeah, we'll take it down
just as soon as you rip up
our contract.
- Otherwise, there's more where
this came from.
- Look, you're famous!
- [guffaws] I eat babies.
[gasps, screams]
Fine!
I'll rip up your contract,
but now that you've gotten the
sweet, sweet taste of stardom,
you'll be crawling back
for more.
You'll see!
I've learned nothing!
Whoo!
[loud crash]
[cheers, laughter]
- [sighs] Good episode, guys.
[upbeat music]
- Hork, punk rock pony ♪
He'll take your testimony ♪
He eats
grain-free rigatoni ♪
That's Hork ♪
Ain't made for matrimony ♪
His daughter's name
is Joanie ♪
He wants to win a Tony ♪
That's Hork ♪
[driving
electric guitar music]
♪
That's Hork ♪