Charmed s02e11 Episode Script

Piper, have you seen slides anywhere? By the TV.
Thank God.
I thought that I had lost them.
Jack would have killed me.
- Jack? - The boss is sending two employees with the best presentation to New York for a conference, all expenses paid.
And Jack and I are hoping that he picks us.
Are you gonna sleep with him? Piper, it is just a business trip.
That is all.
- Who's the present for? - Lisa Kruger's baby shower.
- I forgot.
- I know.
So did Phoebe.
But I'm making it from all of us.
- What all is in here? - Stuff.
And I just knitted her a little baby blanket.
That's all.
You knit.
I didn't know that you knit.
Yeah.
I even had some extra yarn left over, and I made her a little bear to match.
Kind of cute, huh? Hi.
He's adorable.
I guess this is really good practice for you, huh? - What are you talking about? - You, Dan, little Dan.
Whoa, slow down.
Dan is the one that has our relationship on the fast track, not me.
But don't get me wrong, he's He's great.
But that doesn't mean I'm ready to move in with him - or anything else of that nature.
- You know, I just hate guys that aren't afraid to commit, they are so atypical.
It's not funny, Prue.
It's a problem.
Piper, I don't really see what the problem is.
I mean, you and Dan are great together, and you think that you love him, right? I think so.
It's just, every time I feel I'm ready to commit to him, I flash back to our little trip to the future - and seeing me with Leo and the - Piper.
Dan is here now, in the present.
That's all that matters.
I know.
I know.
But I'm not ready for a baby shower either.
Come on, Morris, open your mind.
This can so work.
Look, Phoebe, it's not that I don't appreciate your offer.
It's just my stock in this precinct is not exactly blue-chip.
The last thing I need is for word to get out that I'm using a psychic to solve my cases.
So no one needs to know.
You just give me the evidence, I touch it, and if I get a flash, then we're in business.
Oh, my God.
I see blood flesh.
You had the sausage for breakfast, didn't you? I hate sausage.
It's a little joke.
All right, people, move along, nothing to see here.
Who would bring a baby to a police station? - It was abandoned.
Now, look - Abandoned? That's awful.
That's why they call it a crime.
Now, Phoebe You know, they're really scaring him waving that rattle in his face like that.
Excuse me, officers.
Mind if I try this? Thanks.
Thanks.
We got it from here.
It's okay, sweetie.
It's okay.
It's okay, Matthew.
There you go.
You're okay.
See, I told you I could help you.
All babies need is love.
Hi.
Oh, yeah.
Big boy, huh? Phoebe, are you okay? So I can't figure out if the premonition was the future or the past.
But if it was the past, it would make sense that they would abandon him to try to save him.
You know, I'm not really good with these things.
They're called babies, and just do the rock-and-walk, he loves the rock-and-walk.
- Are you sure it was a ghost? - Yeah, I think I know ghosts by now.
I just can't figure out why a mean ghost would wanna hurt that cute little baby.
And how did you talk Darryl into letting you take him home? I just told him about the premonition.
Only problem is, he says we have 24 hours before Social Services starts asking questions.
So, what are we supposed to do with him now? Raise him in the ways of witchcraft? Teach him how to fight ghosts? Okay, okay.
Maybe you should take him.
Okay.
Come here.
It's okay.
It's all right.
There's a good baby.
There's a very good little baby.
Okay.
- Wow, you really are a natural at this.
- Yeah.
I can't wait to have a baby of my own someday.
I'm beginning to think Dan fell in love with the wrong sister.
Nothing, never mind.
Hi, sweetie.
Do you like bears? Lookie.
Yeah.
He doesn't like things being waved in his face.
- Obviously.
- Well, let's do him.
All right, this better be good, because my New York trip is at stake.
We have a baby? Phoebe picked it up at the police station.
Okay, I thought that you were going to go ask Darryl about a job, not a kid.
I was.
And I was trying, but then this abandoned baby came in.
- Abandoned? - Yes.
In a Eddie Bauer car seat and a blanket lined in silk? Oh, no.
You guys, I think he's finally falling asleep.
Okay, I don't get it.
If the parents could afford such expensive stuff, then how come they couldn't keep the kid? I don't think that's why he was abandoned.
Oh, no.
He's like a car alarm.
The smallest vibration just sets him off, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
- She's got baby issues.
- I know.
Look, okay, Phoebe had a vision of a ghost chasing the baby.
And a man carrying the baby, probably his father.
Darryl said I could stop by, and he'd get a sketch artist to help me ID him.
Good, because the only way to find out why the ghost is after the baby is by finding out who he belongs to.
- I better go.
- What? Yeah, I gotta get back to work.
Just keep me posted.
Whoa, wait, you can't leave me here alone with him.
Piper, you're gonna be fine, don't be afraid.
- Yeah, just think of it as a test run.
- I don't need a test run.
I remember when Phoebe was a baby.
And it was hard on Mom, and endless.
And with you dropping her all the time - What? - Oh, moving on, what's the point? The point is we need things like diapers and bottles and formula - and a million other things.
- I'll go shopping.
And I'm gonna go see Morris.
You're gonna be fine, okay? Just do the rock-and-walk.
Okay? You're gonna be fine.
Bye.
All right.
Oh, God.
- Prue.
- Jack.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Getting my ass kicked by a 5-year-old.
Hey, you little rug rat, best two out of three.
Come on.
- So how did you find me? - Your assistant told me.
What she didn't tell me is what the hell you're doing here.
Oh, just a little bit of a family emergency.
- And you needed diapers? - Yes, they're for my cousin.
My baby cousin Matthew.
Just staying with us a day or so.
And you'd be coming back to work when? Right after I drop this stuff off.
And believe me, there will be no more interruptions after today.
Good.
Because for a second there, I thought maybe you'd changed your mind about going to New York.
Okay, wait a second.
Who has been working late for the past three nights to get our presentation done? Yeah.
Well, that's before I thought we had a chance to win.
So when you disappeared, I figured that maybe you had second thoughts.
No, I want to go to New York.
And believe me, I would much rather be at work right now than trying to figure out whether to get aloe-lined or Velcro-tabbed or elastic-leg-cuff-thingy diapers.
You wouldn't happen to know anything about diapers, would you? Me? No.
See, that would involve knowing something about babies, which I know absolutely zero about.
But what I do know something about is the Big Apple.
Specifically, romantic restaurants, hip clubs, secret getaways.
Okay.
Presentation's today at 3, plane leaves tomorrow at 9.
I got a kid to catch.
This is called the jiggle.
It gives the babies that nice, warm moving-around-in-the-womb feeling.
You're absolutely amazing.
I tried everything, and nothing worked.
Well, it helps to come from a big family.
Once you've mastered the jiggle, you'll be able to do the wave.
- Wanna give it a try? - No.
Let's not mess with a good thing.
You're staring.
I like seeing you this way.
You have no idea how expensive having a baby is.
So I'll tell you: $312.
46, to be exact.
No way.
Well, your timing's perfect.
Cousin Matthew needs a change.
- Okay, here.
- Okay.
All right, here we go.
- Oops-a-daisy.
- Hi.
That is ripe.
What does this kid live on, wheatgrass? - I can change him.
- No, no, we got it.
All right, I've got hypoallergenic wipes, diaper-rash cream and super-absorbent diapers.
- What are we supposed to do with? - Just toss it.
- All right.
- Don't forget to clean up under his Okay, so maybe only one of us should change him.
- Be my guest.
- All right.
On the count of three.
Ready? One, two, three.
Boys will be boys.
Hi.
It doesn't It doesn't fit.
Doesn't fit.
Probably the wrong size.
Okay, how was I supposed to know what size to get? - Look, I got it.
- You got it? Oh, how nice.
There we go.
How's that? Wow, you're like MacGyver with oestrogen.
Thanks, I think.
Actually, cloth diapers are more environmentally friendly, but harder to use.
There.
Such a good boy.
- Yes, he is.
- All right.
If you want, I can pick up the right size on the way home.
- Thanks, that'd be great.
- Not a problem.
See you tonight.
Hi.
- What? - You know what is so weird? What? Why are you giving him to me? Because Because I gotta go.
That's twice.
I'm counting.
Hi.
- Yeah, I'm off for a few days.
- Heading to the lake? I think his brows should be a bit more arched and his hair a little lighter.
Yeah, that's better.
And his nose is bigger, wider.
So we looking for a murder suspect? Just do me a favour, Hernandez.
No questions.
Need to know what to do with him when I'm done with the sketch.
I mean, what, do I put it on the wire, put out an APB or ship it to the psychic hotline? Oh, wait.
Wait, that's it, that's him.
- Are you sure? - Positive.
All right, print us up a copy, run it through the database, try to get us a name.
Just do it.
- Gilbert Van Lewen.
- You know him? Well, I know the name.
His family has a huge art collection, part of which they wanted to sell when his father mysteriously died last summer.
Wait.
I just read somewhere that his brother died a couple of days ago too.
So it sounds like the ghost isn't just after baby Matthew.
Hey, you wanna meet me and Morris down at the Van Lewen estate, have a little chat with Gilbert? It would help to have an active power there just in case the ghost shows up.
Sure.
Who wants to go to New York anyway? Bye.
That's for you.
And thank you very much.
Lunch is served.
Alexandra, for God's sakes, keep your voice down, please.
Where's Matthew? What did you do with him? You have got to believe me, I did this for his own good.
You can't just abandon our baby.
You can't just do that.
I had to.
He would have gotten to him tomorrow at the christening, I know it.
That's when he strikes, at the moment of greatest joy.
Okay, Gilbert, listen to me.
I know that you've been under a lot of strain because of what happened to your brother.
But this whole ghost thing has got to stop.
Don't you understand? It's crazy.
There's no such thing as a It's him.
Gilbert, you've gotta get out of here now.
Too late, Martha.
- He's next.
- No, not again.
I have suffered enough.
Please spare my last son.
If he brings the baby back, perhaps.
Never.
You're stuck here, Martha.
I won't let you leave until you have watched me kill every last male in your family.
Hey, what's going on? Apparently Gilbert Van Lewen fell over the banister.
The medical examiner is gonna list the cause of death as accidental.
Sure have been a lot of accidents around here lately.
- Yeah, well, welcome to Homicide.
- Poor Matthew.
We don't know for sure that Gilbert was his father.
- Well, we have to find out for sure.
- Well, hold it.
Number one, this isn't my crime scene.
Number two, you ain't cops, remember? Darryl, we cannot just walk away from this.
We have to find out whether this is Matthew's home or not.
- They're with me.
- Let me guess, your psychic friends? Let me guess.
You wanna be a meter maid.
- Who called it in? - The victim's mother, Martha Van Lewen.
She's around the corner.
I'll do all the talking to Mrs Van Lewen.
Are we clear? Perfectly.
Easy.
Coming through.
Mrs Van Lewen, I'm Inspector Morris.
- I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
- Thank you.
I have a couple of questions for you and your daughter-in-law.
Well, Alexandra's off resting, she's in a great deal of pain, as you can imagine.
- Of course.
She's with her baby then? - No.
My grandson's staying at his aunt's in Sonoma.
I'm sorry, inspector, I really don't feel like talking anymore.
I understand.
Again, my condolences.
Yeah, no question about it.
They must love him dearly.
Can't imagine how painful it must have been to let him go.
We probably shouldn't mention where the baby is, in case Casper's still around.
What are you doing in here? Oh, hi.
Sorry.
Alexandra? Who are you? I'm Phoebe, and this is my sister Prue.
And we are Grief counsellors with the police department.
I don't need any counselling.
I just need to be alone.
- We understand.
- More than you know.
- We can help you, Alexandra.
- Oh, yeah? - Can you bring back my husband? - No.
But maybe somebody else.
Please leave.
Just go.
Okay, isn't it anybody else's turn yet? I'm dying here.
Just a bit longer, Piper.
I had no idea there was so much information about the Van Lewens on the Internet.
Yeah, and Jack pushed the presentation, which means I've got until morning to salvage it.
I don't understand why you didn't come out and tell them we had Matthew.
Because we couldn't risk the ghost following us home and finding him.
We have to figure out how to vanquish the ghost.
Yeah, in less than 12 hours, before Darryl comes and takes him away.
Well, the thing about ghosts is they always haunt for a specific reason.
And it's always personal.
So I know the Van Lewens know this ghost.
- And I am going to find him.
- No.
I'm gonna find him.
Okay, time's up.
He's all yours.
Come here.
Okay.
I know.
It's okay, baby.
It's okay.
Why isn't he stopping? He's not stopping.
- Maybe it's a hungry cry.
- But you just fed him.
Maybe it's a sleepy cry.
If it was a sleepy cry, wouldn't he just fall asleep? Maybe it's a burpy cry.
Do you have gas? Something tells me it's going to be a very long night.
I thought that babies slept a lot.
Yeah, obviously one of those lies they tell you so you'll wanna get pregnant.
- So much for being the natural.
- Hey, everyone has their limits.
- Anything in Dr.
Spock? - Nothing that we haven't already tried.
- How's the search going? - Not so good.
The Van Lewens are seriously loaded.
There could be hundreds of dead people holding a grudge against them.
Well, why don't you just focus on the time of Martha's husband's death.
- I mean, that was the first - What did you do? - I didn't do anything.
- Well, do something.
Okay, okay, okay.
Here we go.
I'm sorry.
I know.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Okay.
Doesn't that fall under the personal-gain category? Oh, who cares? We're desperate, and it's working.
He likes it, that is so sweet.
Oh, no, not again.
Here, this might be something.
The Van Lewen family chauffer, Elias Lundy, disappeared suddenly just before Martha's husband died.
Well, disappeared doesn't mean dead.
Maybe it just means he took off.
Well, if he did, he took off without anything he owned, including his savings account and his car.
That's definitely something that we should ask Martha Van Lewen about.
Yeah, if she'll talk to us.
Well, if she ever wants to get her grandson back safe, she will.
Okay, forget Dr.
Spock.
This is the only book we need.
The Book of Shadows? I don't think so.
Well, Mom wrote spells in it, right? And with three girls, there has to be something in here about, you know, how to do Oh, here it is.
- "Sometimes a baby just has to cry.
" - Thanks, Mom.
I don't understand why this is so hard.
We're women, it should be in our DNA.
I can't keep doing this all night.
- What? - Just wondering if you're too good to be true.
Maybe someday you'll find out through personal experience.
- I have to go to work.
- Hi, silly.
- Thanks, really.
- It was my pleasure.
He really is beautiful.
Just like his cousin.
Bye.
Silly.
Oh, what time is it? Quarter till 8.
I'm late.
I've gotta go to Martha Van Lewen.
Piper, will you come with me? Yeah.
Right behind you.
- Oh, I think we forgot something.
- What are we gonna do with him? Hey.
You ready to wow Caldwell? Well, actually You get that through Office Supplies? Okay, I had to bring him.
There was nowhere else to put him.
And I think we should talk to Caldwell about a day-care centre.
I mean, I'm not the only one with a child around here.
Prue, unless you have a really big surprise for me, you don't have a kid.
I know that.
But I'm going to one day.
Hey, it's okay.
He only likes this finger, and it took me all night to figure that out.
But you should see me at diapering.
I'm really good at it.
Yeah, okay, you know, this mothering instinct is really something.
But me, I've got my own inner child, and right now he's thinking about New York.
Right.
Jack, I didn't really finish the presentation.
You know, I figured you were probably still in a family crisis, especially after the tenth unanswered call, so I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of finishing the presentation myself.
Anything to get you to New York.
- You're the best.
- He certainly is.
And since I need my best and brightest in New York, I'm taking you out of the running, Halliwell.
Mr Caldwell, you know, I finished the presentation based on her file.
I mean, she had a family emergency.
She has a lot of those, doesn't she.
We'll show your presentation to the client at noon, Sheridan.
- Yes? - We need to talk to you.
- Are you with the police? - No, not really.
- But we are here to help.
- I don't understand.
Does the name Elias Lundy mean anything to you? Martha, the funeral home called, and they wanted to know if What are you doing here? I'm here because we really need to talk to you.
- And I think you know what about.
- Who are you people? What do you want? Please tell me he's okay.
Please come with us, someplace safe, where we can talk about this.
Oh, no.
- Where is the child? - No, please don't tell him.
He didn't freeze.
Why didn't he freeze? What are you? Witches? - I've frozen ghosts before, haven't I? - Okay, Piper, now is not the time.
Just unfreeze them so we can get them out of here.
Down.
Let's go.
Bring me the child, or she's dead.
Looks like I'm not the only one stuck here.
You know, you'd be more comfortable at our place with your baby.
It's too much of a risk.
As much as I am dying to see him and to hold him I just can't.
- I don't think the ghost can follow you.
Or us.
I mean, he couldn't chase us out of the house.
I don't think he could leave the house.
But you're not positive.
I mean, you don't know that for sure, do you? I've seen what he can do.
I watched him kill my husband.
- I won't watch him hurt my son.
- It's okay.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Now, what did you husband tell you about Elias Lundy? He was their chauffeur.
But he was obsessed with Martha.
Even carved his and Martha's initials on the largest oak on the ground.
I've seen it.
But one day, apparently his obsession got out of hand, and Lundy attacked Martha.
My father-in-law lured him out to that same tree and shot him in the back.
Buried him on the grounds.
Covered it up.
Well, that would explain why he suddenly disappeared.
A week later, my father-in-law mysteriously died.
At the house too.
And then Gilbert's brother and his uncle, and then They all just look like accidents, you know, bad luck.
Martha knew, but she just couldn't convince anybody.
I don't understand why you stayed in that house.
Why didn't Gilbert get you out of there? Until Gilbert's brother died, he didn't believe the story either.
Martha tried to sell the house once, but I guess Lundy wouldn't let her.
He wants her to suffer for what her husband did to him.
And he's not gonna quit until he gets Matthew too.
Yeah, well, we won't quit until we get him.
Now, do you have any idea where on the grounds Lundy's body is buried? Supposedly by that tree.
Under the initials.
Whoa, Prue.
Hey, don't touch that dial.
I just came back from Caldwell's office.
I told him I couldn't have finished the presentation without the work you did, and I couldn't do the job to his level of quality without my beautiful partner.
Plane leaves in two hours.
Sorry, squirt, I only got two.
- Kids under 2 fly free.
- Afraid you were gonna say that.
You know what? Whatever.
I'm game.
Jack, that's sweet.
Thank you so much for sticking up for me, but I can't.
I gotta get home.
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, me too.
- Hey, you two make a nice couple.
- Thanks.
Prue's on her way back.
That stuff could melt your nostrils.
Yeah, like all the diaper changing didn't melt them already.
Okay, some mandrake root You know, I could have sworn that I'd be good at this whole baby thing.
I mean, I love kids.
I'm giving, I'm a good person Phoebe, I don't think Matthew was rejecting you personally.
- At least, no more than the rest of us.
- Then why do I feel like a failure? Every time I get close to the little guy, he either opens his mouth or his bowels.
I mean, call me kooky, but that feels like rejection to me.
It takes a lot of time to figure out how to take care of babies properly.
- It's a lot of work.
- A lot more than I thought, actually.
We should be grateful we have a little time off.
Absolutely.
I miss him.
It is a little quiet around here.
Okay, let's just focus.
Okay, do you wanna get the shovels? Shovels? I thought we were vanquishing Lundy with a potion.
- What do we need shovels for? - Because the only way it works is if you spread it over his bones, which happen to be buried.
- We have to dig him up? - I'm afraid so.
Is that it? Or is there some other disgusting detail - you're just waiting to spring on me? - No.
The only other way to vanquish him is to destroy the object of the curse, which is Martha.
And we're supposed to save Martha.
So get the shovels.
Hi, Matthew, how's the little man? What are you doing? The baby's home.
Hi, baby.
Hey, I'm home too.
- Okay, guys, are we ready? - Yes, we're ready.
I really think someone should stay here with Matthew.
I'll stay.
Looks like we finally all fell for the same guy.
Hi, baby.
What you doing? Time's up, ladies.
Social Services called, - they wanna know where the baby is.
- Tell them he's with us.
Three witches and a baby.
I don't think that's gonna fly.
But you can't take him now.
We're this close to vanquishing I don't wanna hear another ghost story.
In the real world, that baby was abandoned.
Which means if I don't account for him, I could lose my shield.
Not if you can offer a plausible explanation, right? I mean, what if he was kidnapped and then abandoned? You would be a hero.
You would be the one reuniting him with his mom.
Look, just hold off for a few hours, okay? If we're not back, then do what you have to do.
And here, take this, he really likes it.
And don't wave things in his face, because he does not like that.
He likes the jiggle.
Do you know the jiggle? Of course I know the jiggle.
I'm a father.
Okay, and if he starts to cry, just hold him really close, because it comforts him.
Okay.
Bye.
Prue, you're not gonna wear that, are you? Didn't think so.
We'll meet you in the car, all right? You can't keep hiding from me, Martha.
I'll always find you.
You can punish me all you like, Elias, it doesn't matter.
I don't know where Matthew is, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.
- Did she say where the oak tree was? - I assume around back.
Okay, you two go dig him up, and I'll protect Martha for as long as I can.
All right.
Prue.
Over here.
This has gotta be it.
Okay, hold this.
Pheebs, I think I have a much quicker way of doing that.
Oh, yeah, you do, don't you? Okay.
- All right.
- All right.
Are you ready? Hello, Elias.
There are many things worse than death, Martha.
You taught me that.
I can keep doing this forever.
I don't think so.
Bring me the child, and I'll spare you.
Actually, I think it's a little late for that.
My bones.
My grave.
All right, here it goes.
You can't vanquish me without my bones, can you? - Busted.
- Run.
- Piper, where are you? - Upstairs.
- Have you seen Lundy? - What do you mean? Didn't you vanquish him? No.
And it doesn't look like we'll ever be able to.
He's hidden his bones someplace that we'll never be able to find them.
Then you have to get out of here now.
No, we're not leaving you.
You haven't got a choice if there's no other way to stop him.
- It's not an option.
- Agreed.
What? What is it? I think I have a right to know.
It's just that there is one other way to vanquish a ghost.
And that's to destroy the object of its wrath.
Meaning me? Are you saying that if I die, he dies too? No, our job is to protect the innocent, and that would be you.
No, it isn't.
It wasn't my husband who shot Elias in the back, it was me.
I did it.
He wanted me for himself.
He said he was gonna kill my husband.
Yet I did, didn't I? How could you, Martha? I loved you.
Well, I didn't love you.
- They can't protect you forever.
- You're absolutely right.
But I can protect Matthew.
Martha, no! No! Martha.
- What have you done? - Killed us both.
Go to hell, Elias.
- What do we do? - Don't do anything.
This is where I belong.
This is the only way to save my grandchild.
Thank you for protecting him.
Here they are.
Here, we wanted you to have this.
But we couldn't get all the throw-up off of it.
That's okay.
You're all so sweet.
How can I thank you? Oh, just let us babysit every once in a while.
Just take good care of him.
Bye, honey.
I know.
Bye, baby.
Hey.
Where did he go? - Bye.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay, so how many kids do you think I'm gonna have someday? - I'd say five.
- More.
At least six.
What makes you say that? Oh, please, Pheebs, you were born to be a mom.
- No doubt about it.
- Yeah? You think? Oh, I hope so.
I miss that little guy already.
Although being a surrogate mom for the last 24 hours has taught me I have a long way to go before I'm ready for it full time.
- I gotta get my life together first.
- Yeah, and find a guy, maybe.
That would probably help, huh? Unlike Piper's guy, who is, like, Mr.
Mom.
Dan was really great with Matthew, wasn't he? - More like a godsend.
- I think that's what scares me.
He's, like, flawless.
He's great at everything.
He's great-looking, he's fun, he's great with babies - But? - But I don't know.
He's just a little too perfect.
I feel a little imperfect around him.
Well, maybe that's why you were uncomfortable with Matthew.
Maybe because of Dan, you were resisting your own maternal instincts.
- Where did that come from? - Cosmo, where else? Look over there.
There's Jack.
- Jack? - Yeah, Jack.
Jack who? Hey.
Why aren't you in New York? I didn't wanna go without my partner.
I don't want you to think this gesture of mine is in any way a sign of evolving maturity, in case having your cousin Matthew around gave you any ideas.
You know, the only idea that I have is that one day, maybe sooner, maybe later, I'm gonna make a great mom.
And you know, hopefully, I'll find the right guy.
Well, then I think you should know that being as I'm still a kid myself, I don't think I'd be doing anyone any favours by pretending to be the right guy.
Well, I didn't say I was looking for the right guy tonight.
- You'll do.
Let's go.
Dance? - Sure.