Dirty Sexy Money s02e11 Episode Script
The Convertible
Henry insisted I show it to you first before it's in any stores.
Naughty.
Pass.
From Salon de Gorgeous.
- Thrilling.
- Pass.
Are you gonna say no to everything I like? Ding, ding, ding.
No one wants to buy lingerie their mother approves of.
I'm sorry, Adrian.
I'm just.
I'm not feeling it.
- What's the matter with you? - Nothing.
I guess when I buy underwear I just need to have someone in mind.
And, well, Mom, let's face it, after four failed marriages, four, and a failed wedding, where I was traded for stock.
Nonsense.
You're momentarily unappy.
And why wouldn't you be? I can't tell you the number of times I've been disappointed by men.
But do you know what never lets me down? Not ever? Well, if it has batteries, Mom, I'd really rather not.
No, I'm talking about you, dear.
You and my other wonderful children.
You are the great joys of my life.
Someday you'll know what I mean.
Children! Children! Line up! Come on, everybody.
Let's go, let's go.
Shake a leg, shake a leg.
- Hey! Hey.
Here it is.
- Mr.
George.
- Here it is.
I made it.
- Mr.
George? Yeah.
I forgot Kiki's permission slip when I dropped her off yesterday for the field trip.
Okay, your wife called and said Kiki wouldn't be coming to school today.
What? - Hi, Mr.
George.
- Hey, Molly.
- Where's Kiki? - I'm trying to figure that out right now.
When did my wife call and say this? This morning.
She said they were gone for the weekend.
Is there a problem? The problem? The problem is that you didn't tell me you were taking her.
It was a last-minute thing, Nick.
This client called out of the blue.
It's a beautiful house, right on the beach.
I'm gonna select some art pieces I don't care if you're painting them yourself with finger paints, Lisa.
You can't kidnap our daughter.
I am not having this conversation.
You are obviously insane.
I will have her back to you on Monday.
On Monday? This is my weekend, Lisa.
We made an agreement.
Lisa? Lisa? It feels pretty homey.
I mean, I've only been here a day, but I'm already getting the sense that this is where I belong.
That's so wonderful, Son.
So, what can I do for you, Dad? A few years ago, we put the kibosh on Simon Elder's biofuel project.
And now he's your partner, so his profits are your profits.
Precisely.
The key to the whole business was the chairman of the committee, a fellow named Charles Watley.
Yeah, if he could be persuaded to reverse his position, that would be very beneficial to everybody.
I'll talk to him, Dad, but that's it.
I'm not gonna push.
No, no, no, no.
Just feel him out.
See where he stands, you know? Yes, but I'm not going to be unethical.
I'll see what I can do.
Thanks.
Bye.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Look, I need to borrow a jet.
Lisa took Kiki out of state for the weekend without my permission, - without even notifying me.
- Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So I had the GPS company track the location of the car, and they're somewhere near the Maryland shore.
- You wanna go there and retrieve Kiki? - Yeah.
- Take the plane.
Go.
- All right.
Thanks.
Oh, yeah.
That's what it takes.
The memories are flooding back.
How long do you think you can keep this up? - All morning.
- I mean the amnesia act.
As long as it takes to convince Simon that I remember absolutely nothing about how he's got your little brother tucked away somewhere.
Then I'll move in, gain Simors trust, get close enough to figure out where he stashed the kid.
Baby, you're not really spy material.
Not to mention that Simon is a paranoid sociopath.
And that's on a good day.
You're never gonna get close to him.
Unless he thinks it's his idea.
Mmm.
So let's make him think it's his idea.
- Here's a crazy idea.
- Hello, Mr.
George.
Since it's just you and me on this trip, Clark, how about we switch the satellite radio to something a little less operatic? - It's not just you and me, Mr.
George.
- What are you talking about? I'm stowing away.
What do you wanna do? Listen to NPR? It's not gonna happen.
- I'm taking the jet to DC, Brian.
- Oh, yeah? So am I.
- Yeah? For what? - It's classified.
I could tell you, but that might lead to an actual conversation.
God forbid.
Hey, Clark, let's blow this popsicle stand.
As soon as the last passenger boards the aircraft, Mr.
Darling, the stand will be blown.
- What last passenger? - Hello, sailors! Going my way? Sorry.
- That depends.
Where are you going? - And the answer is no.
Little place outside of DC.
It's a boutique of sorts.
Very exclusive.
Yeah? What are you shopping for? Jewelry? Nope.
So, what are you going for? Sperm.
- Sperm? - Yeah, you heard me.
Buckle up, boys.
Karen Darling is gonna have a baby.
Mommy kind of gave me the idea, and at first, I was totally against it.
I mean, baby poo and holding things? But once I got a physical and started doing research on sperm and their banks, what can I say? - You got sucked in.
- I did.
- What a lovely thought, Karen.
- Don't.
Do not.
Do not try and talk me out of this.
You stopped me from marrying Simon, don't stop me from having Coco.
- Coco? - Coco? That's gonna be its name.
I'm gonna pick out a donor, and I'm gonna schedule a squirt, or whatever it is they call it.
Support me, people.
Come on! I want to, Karen.
I do.
I just think that.
You with a kid? Oh, yeah, like you have anything to teach anyone about parenting.
- Don't start with me, Brian.
- The minute you and Lisa broke up, you should have gone to the authorities and accused her - of child abuse and loose living.
- It's true.
- That wouldn't have been true.
- So what? At least you wouldn't be on this mission, going to kidnap your own kid back.
When it comes to kids, Nick, you gotta play dirty.
Thanks for the advice, padre.
Hey, what are you going to DC for anyway? You know, if you two need to know, I'm giving a benediction for a state dinner that Patrick's hosting.
Sorry about that, folks.
We're heading into a little bit of chop.
Should even out in no time.
Wait, Tripp isn't going to Paddy's dinner? That seems kind of odd for him.
Well, I guess Paddy wants everyone to stay the hell out of it and maybe mind their own business maybe.
Okay, okay, okay.
That can't be good, can it? Hey, Brian, my guess is that God feels the same way about you that everyone else does.
But just in case he's, like, a big-picture kind of guy, maybe you could just toss out a prayer.
No.
I am not gonna pray to God for protection from a world that he made dangerous.
Just tough it out.
Okay, I'm gonna put a word in, all right? So just bow your frigging heads.
Anxious? No, not at all, because there's no reason to be.
Everything's going as planned.
It's not overconfidence.
It's just.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
Do not threaten me.
When have I ever given you reason to doubt my loyalty? When have I ever.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Uh.
I promise.
I'll get it done.
Listen, Nola just arrived.
I gotta go.
- Sorry I'm late.
- What's this? The minutes to Patrick Darling's first session with the Senate Agricultural Committee.
- How'd he do? - He held his own.
You'll see.
- It's all in there.
- Whoa.
Wait.
- What is that? - What? You have a hickey.
- I do.
- And welcome to eighth grade.
Who gave it to you? Who are you seeing? - Jeremy Darling.
- Jeremy? Jeremy Darling has amnesia.
I thought he didn't remember you.
He didn't.
He doesn't.
It just so happens you two have fallen into bed together again? I guess we just have chemistry.
Yeah.
Let's hope that's true.
Because if I were to ever find out that his amnesia was anything less than genuine.
He doesn't remember anything.
Trust me.
So, what can I do for you, Senator? Well, I came to speak to you about Simon Elder's bio-diesel project.
Which is now a joint venture with Darling Enterprises, if I'm not mistaken.
That's correct, yes.
And your father would like me to reverse my negative position now that there's money to be made in it for him.
That's.
I'm not sure that's how he would put it.
Of course not.
But then again, your father never says exactly what he means, does he? Look, I tell you what, why don't you tell your father please, from me, Senator, that the position that he pressured me into taking all those many years ago is one I've actually come to agree with.
I will not reverse my position.
Congressman, I've looked at the data, and you should.
This meeting is over, Senator.
And why don't you tell your father from me, next time you see him, I hope he rots in hell.
Okay, we've got a problem.
I'm gonna pull back on the old joystick, see if we can get up above it.
Brian? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - What, what? - He's really praying.
Oh, what's that noise? Nick, what's that sound? - Clark? - Can't chat, Mr.
George.
Sorry, little busy here, but you should go ahead and buckle those seatbelts.
- Sweetie.
Nick, Nick.
- Hey! Karen! I know I've said this before, but if there was ever a time to say it again, - it's now.
- What, Karen? I don't know if you've ever really believed me, but I love you, Nick.
- I really do.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- Karen.
- Yeah? I don't know what in life or just everything that has kept us and made it impossible for us to be together, but I do know, in my heart, you're the one.
You always have been.
Oh, God! Oh, God.
This is wrong! Sorry about that.
Got a little hairy there, but we're fine.
Why don't you just sit back, relax, enjoy the flight, and, well, just go back to doing whatever you were doing? Here you go.
- So.
- What? You were saying? Where the hell are we? We're just outside of Wilkes-Barre.
- Pennsylvania? - Yeah.
Hey, get back in that cockpit and fly us out of here.
No can do, sir.
The FAA has grounded all flights into Dulles due to heavy winds.
Wind? You're afraid of a little wind? Just man up, you big sissy! Hey, it's not his fault, Brian.
Hey, what are you in such a rush for, anyway? Because I made a commitment.
People are counting on me.
I care.
Yeah, I have an appointment, too, but you don't see me throwing a hissy fit.
Well, I'd be calm, too, if I had a river of vodka running through me.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
You know what? Let's just drive.
I don't see why you get to drive.
Because you drive like Grandma Darling.
Yeah, and you drive like Bo Duke.
Hey, come on, Brian.
You're going 90.
Slow down.
- Hey, I've got places to go.
- So do we.
Yeah, and we'd like to get there alive.
- Damn it! - What? I gotta pee.
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna bring it up, - the thing you said on the plane.
- Good.
- About me being the one.
- I'm glad you're not gonna bring it up.
I don't need to.
I've heard enough declarations of love in my life to know the real ones from the knock-offs, and you meant it.
Look, Karen, I thought the plane was going down.
I know, and you spoke the truth from your innermost heart.
It was very romantic, but the question is, what are you gonna do with all those feelings? - Oh! Tell him I said hi.
- Hey, Patrick.
What's up? What do you know about Congressman Charles Watley? He voted against Simors biofuel a few years back.
That was before my time, Pat.
He really, really hates Dad.
That doesn't sound unlikely.
Your dad's made his fair share of enemies.
In this particular case, I have no idea why.
Listen, we're running a little late.
We got the last rental car, and we have your minister.
What are you talking about? Brian.
We've got Brian for your dinner.
What dinner? I thought there was supposed to be some big state dinner tonight that he's praying at.
That's news to me.
- I guess I misunderstood.
I'm sorry.
- No problem.
Right.
I'll see you later, Pat.
No.
No way.
You got five seconds to get in the back of the car.
One, two, three, four, five.
- Hey, Jeremy.
- Hey.
- You wanted to see me? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, have a seat.
I just wanted to talk over a little rumor I've heard about.
A rumor? Well, when it comes to gossip, I'm a bitch.
Let's dish.
- Who's it about? - You.
You know your father and I are partners now, so I hear things.
He mentioned, in passing, that you and Nola Lyons are having a romantic relationship.
Is she your girlfriend, dude? 'Cause if I had known, I would not.
No, no, no.
She's not my girlfriend, Jeremy, and she never would be.
That's what I need to talk to you about.
I need to give you a warning.
- About Nola? - Yeah.
Hit me.
Jeremy, she's a dangerous woman.
How so? Well, see, now, you don't remember any of this, but she's done a lot of harm to your family, Jeremy, and I think she intends to do more.
Well, I'm listening.
She got sexually involved with you the first time in order to gain inside information about your mother during her trial, and now she's insinuated herself into Patrick's life in order to gain political leverage against your father.
She's out to destroy you and your entire family.
- I just thought you should know.
- Oh, man.
Well, here we are.
Man-seed Central.
This doesn't look like the most exclusive sperm-bank in the world.
Trust me.
I did my homework.
It's the creme de la creme, so to speak.
- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
Yeah, good luck, and make it snappy.
In and out, so to speak.
What the hell's going on? Patrick called during your little potty break, and there's no state dinner tonight.
So why are you in such a rush to get to DC, Brian? My ex called.
Mei Ling Hwa.
- About what? Child support? - No.
She wants to sleep with me.
It's just a little Last Tango in Georgetown.
We broke up, she vamoosed to Hong Kong.
She just wants a little closure.
- And you're gonna do it? - Why the hell wouldn't I? - You just got married to Andrea.
- Andrea's got nothing to do with this.
- Unbelievable.
- Oh, come on, Nick.
You know what it's like to be married, the soul-crushing monotony, the routine.
You've been married for four weeks.
What's up? I just poked my head inside the bank, and it's a little.
- Spermy.
- Clinical.
It's called ambience.
I need you guys to come with me inside, into the clinic.
- Oh, come on.
- Inside.
Move it.
Come on.
You, too, pokey.
Come on.
I want someone super-special.
I can't bring just anyone's chromosomes into this family.
Of course, Miss Darling, but as you must know, we cater to only the most discerning clientele.
Yeah, yeah.
And I don't want any of these Nobel Prize people either.
Because the peace.
Yeah, the peace, peace, blah, blah, blah stuff, I don't want.
I don't want.
And no one too smart.
I don't want to breastfeed a nerd.
- You want someone well-rounded.
- Exactly.
Well-rounded and cute.
Cute? What's taking so frigging long? Hey, back off, Brian.
She's not buying a pair of shoes here.
Oh, God.
Do you have any particular physical attributes in mind, Miss Darling? Yes.
I want someone who looks good in the French designers but who can pull off the Italians, someone versatile.
I think you're gonna need to be a little more specific.
- Height, weight, that kind of.
- Oh, God.
Okay.
Um.
dirty blonde leaning towards sandy auburn.
And ixnay on the ack-bay air-hay because I keep a clean house.
- What? - I'm sorry, but I couldn't help noticing you fit her description perfectly.
He does, doesn't he? Oh, I'm sorry.
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
If you'll excuse me, I'll just go and pull some more profiles.
Excellent idea.
- What? - I think you need to face the facts.
- What facts are those? - That you should be my baby-daddy.
- Me? - Yeah.
- No.
- You.
I told you, Karen.
I am just not ready to be a father again.
Not yet.
But the baby would be mine, Nick.
You wouldn't even have to do anything except sleep with me.
You could make that little sacrifice, couldn't you? Like so many others before you have done.
Shut up, Brian.
Look, what I would really like right now is to concentrate on getting my own kid back.
- Hey, why don't you just say it? - What? - You think I'd make a lousy mother.
- Because I don't believe that.
Yes, you do.
I can see it in your eyes, Nick.
You know what you're doing? You're comparing me to your precious little Lisa.
- Nope, no, no.
- Yeah, you are.
Well, I got news for you, pal, your precious little Lisa stole your daughter away from you and didn't tell you, which is something that I would never do to you.
Look, I just wanna have one pure, simple relationship in my life, about me being my best for someone else.
And if that means it's with someone who wears a diaper and doesn't talk English, then so be it.
- Damn it! - What's wrong now? Karers sincerity killed the car.
Sorry.
I'm tired.
My toe hurts.
It's dead in the water, Dad.
I went to see Watley and, quite frankly, he still hates your guts.
What do you mean, still? You tell me.
He gave the impression you squeezed him pretty hard.
Squeezed? I never squeezed anybody, ever, anyone.
I don't wanna go back to Watley and push him on this.
This is your problem.
You caused it, you fix it.
Patrick, I very rarely ask you to do anything.
This is for the family, for the company.
You go back to Mr.
Watley and you get it done.
Right, Dad.
You've never squeezed anybody.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Our worries are over, princess.
- That doesn't seem quite likely.
- It is.
I've got Simon totally snowed.
He's so convinced I have amnesia, he told me about you.
- What about me? - Your checkered past.
It's nothing I don't already know.
- Jeremy, it's a test.
- For what? Don't you see? He's fed you information and now he's gonna sit back and see what you're gonna do with it.
So, what am I supposed to do with it? - How bad were the things he said? - Pretty bad.
Then you're gonna have to do something pretty bad.
To who? Me.
- Lisa.
It's me.
- What, Nick? I'm at a motel just outside of DC, and I will be there in the morning to pick up Kiki.
I told you.
I told you I would get her back to you on Monday.
Why did you come down here? Because that wasrt our agreement.
It's my weekend.
So you have to spoil hers? She is having a great time, Nick.
We went horseback riding today.
We have plans for tomorrow.
I thought you were working.
I am, and then we have plans.
Why are you making this about you? - I'm not.
- Arert you? Arert you feeling guilty because you have been an absentee father all these years and you are trying to make up for it with this grand gesture? Hard as it is for you to hear, Nick, she is fine without you.
She is having a great time, so please don't ruin her weekend trying to prove to yourself that you are a good father.
What happened now? Your wife retreated into the caves near the border of Pakistan? Yeah.
Hey.
What happened? It's Lisa.
Accused me of coming down here because I feel guilty for not being a better father from before the breakup.
And now she said Kiki's fine without me.
Whatever.
No, not whatever.
- What did you say to her? - Nothing.
What am I supposed to say? "You're a lying, cheating bitch.
"You care more about having your own art gallery "than you do about the integrity of our relationship.
" I mean, there are things you could say.
She's not all wrong, though, Brian.
Ever since I started working for the family, I've been distracted, absent.
You know, just like Dutch wasrt really there for me when I was a kid, I'm not there for Kiki, and, you know, maybe she's right.
Maybe I am doing this all for myself.
Kiki is fine without me, better off, even.
You know what? Get out.
- Are you serious? - I'm totally serious.
- Why? - Because for one, I'm your half-brother, and I'm not doing you any favors listening to this self-pitying crap.
Relationships are a two-way street, Nick, and you are a much better father than most.
- And, two.
- Yeah? I'm sex-texting with Mei Ling Hwa, and I think we're ready to take it to the next level.
So just take a hike.
You can sleep on the floor.
Oh, but not anywhere near the bed, because, you know, God forbid you would think an impure thought and accidentally impregnate me with your super sperm.
Karen, I just had my ass handed to me by Lisa and Brian.
- For what? Being superior? - Come on, move over.
For being a bad father and just generally sucking at everything.
Yeah, I don't wanna talk about it.
Cut me a break, would you? Okay, but just this once.
What are you watching? You're not a bad father.
You must know that, right? I don't know what I know anymore.
Well, God, Nick, if the proof is in the pudding, and Kiki's the pudding, you're a great dad.
Lisa didn't do that all by herself.
If you're trying to talk me into getting you pregnant tonight.
- I'm not.
I'm not.
- Okay.
But we could try for a practice run.
- Karen.
- What? We could.
If you and I are gonna be together in a good, constructive way, I'm pretty sure it doesn't start tonight, in a motel, - in a room that smells like curry.
- Okay.
Well, then, why don't you just sleep with me? Look, did you not listen to a word I said? I said, Nick, I said sleep with me, like hold me, like actually sleep with me.
Yeah.
- I'd like that.
- Okay.
Okay, sleep time.
- This is nice.
It's like junior high.
- Yeah, if we'd grown up in Bombay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Thanks for meeting me halfway.
- No problem.
Nice place.
Not exactly my idea of a love nest.
Well, you know, man plans, God laughs.
It's a long story.
You look good.
So do you.
You gonna keep the collar on? - You want me to? - No.
I don't.
No! - I've never done this before.
- Neither have I.
I mean, technically, I've only cheated on you, not with you.
You're such a bastard.
Why isn't Brian coming along? I don't know.
I am not my half-brother's keeper.
Hello? Yes.
Oh? Okay.
Yeah.
Thank you.
All right, bye.
- Who was that? - My doctor in New York.
He was the one who did the physical.
Just calling to confirm that all of my lady parts are good to go.
Ah.
- Senator.
- Another potcheen, please.
And one for my esteemed colleague from across the aisle.
To what do I owe the pleasure, Senator? Your father running low on whipping boys? The opposite.
I have come to apologize for my complete ignorance earlier.
I think I understand now why you were so frustrated with me.
You do? - Really? - Of course.
I've been subjected to a lifetime of bullying from my father.
Stands to reason I haven't been the only one.
Listen, I know my father will never give you the apology you deserve, but I hope you will accept mine.
Whatever he did to pressure you, I'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
Great.
Terrific.
I hope this means we can move forward.
I hope so, too.
- Excuse me? - What? What the hell was that? I thought you understood what your father had on me.
You have a wife and children.
And you have a thing for transsexuals.
Yeah, with female parts.
I'm not gay.
I'm sorry for the confusion, Senator, and I'm sorry, but you won't be getting my vote.
That went well.
Don't wander off.
Dad! - How are you? You having fun? - Yeah.
Now that you're here, though, it's even better.
Well, thank you.
Your mom's here.
Why are you doing this? Well, like I said, this is my weekend with Kiki, so I thought I'd come and pick her up.
- You drove all the way here for me? - Of course I did.
You can't just show up here unannounced, Nick.
We talked about this.
No, we didn't talk about anything, that's why I had to drive down here.
Ten minutes till dinnertime, baby doll.
Oh? Hi.
"Baby doll.
" - Edward, this is Nick.
- Nick.
Heard a lot about you.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey, Kiki, would you mind staying here for a second with Edward? - I just wanna talk to your mom.
- Okay.
Be right back.
- What the hell's going on here? - He's my client.
Unless you're a prostitute, he's obviously much more than just a client.
Funny.
Edward invited me here to update his art collection.
- We're getting along.
- Well, obviously.
"Baby doll"? You and I have been separated for two months, Nick.
I am allowed to date.
Lisa, you didn't inform me you were taking our daughter, and you took her across state lines.
Don't talk to me like we're in court.
I'm not on the stand, Nick, and you're not the judge.
What, you wanna tell me that you've been so pure? Never said I was pure.
Talk about getting in bed with your clients.
Hey, whatever I am, I'm still Kiki's father.
And for our daughter's sake I'm not gonna cause a scene.
I'm gonna get out of here, but you know and I know that after this little stunt you'll never get full custody now.
Fifty-fifty is the best you can hope for, which is what I've been offering all along.
Now you make sure that Kiki's back by Monday.
Hey, Kiki.
Man, I had no idea you were having such a good time and I gotta get back to the city, so is it okay if we see each other when you get back into town? - Okay.
- All right.
Hug? Bye.
- Dad? - Yeah? I love you.
I love you, too.
You ready for dinner? Come on.
Simon.
What did you say to Jeremy? - About what? - Me.
Dreiten, go start the car.
Tell me what happened.
He came screaming at me, saying that you told him everything about how I was plotting against the family, trying to tear them apart.
I told him he didn't understand, and then he hit me.
I assure you, I didn't tell him to do that.
Not at all.
Simon.
Simon.
Look.
I am under a lot of pressure right now, pressure you know nothing about.
You wanna make it easy for yourself, stay away from Jeremy Darling.
That was meant for you.
Looks like smooth sailing tonight, folks, so we should be home in no time.
You've been quiet.
- Mei Ling lightened your mood? - She changed it.
Was it everything you expected it to be? You wanna hear all the dirty details? She came to the motel.
I invited her in.
She took off her coat.
We sat on the bed for 20 minutes, and that was it.
So you didn't go through with it? No, I didn't.
Couldrt.
Those last three minutes, I tried.
- The monster wouldn't come to life.
- Well, maybe it's for the best, Brian.
You're actually one step closer to committing to something, to someone you really love.
Yeah, and what about you? What? What do you mean? Me and Karen? - Yeah.
- Look, I.
The two of you having a kid would be weird, sure, but it wouldn't be the worst thing that ever happened.
Oh, it's so good to be home.
That was exhausting.
Hey, thanks for the lift.
I owe you 4 bucks for the tolls.
- See you.
- See you.
- Hey, Karen.
- Here.
I know what it's like to wanna have a child.
I do.
And I don't know if I ever told you this, but Lisa and I had to try for six months before we got pregnant with Kiki.
And I remember what it was like, laying in bed thinking about this little person I wanted so badly to meet.
She just wouldn't show up, and it drove me crazy.
You know how I feel.
That's a real consolation, Nick.
Thanks.
Hey, no.
Karen.
Karen, I guess what I'm trying to tell you is I love you.
I do.
And I am open to being your baby-daddy.
You're what? You're open to it? Yeah.
I can't do it yet, and I'm sorry, but I can't do it yet.
Okay.
But if we were to take things slow, like, with us.
Like, going out.
- Yeah, yeah, going out.
- Yeah.
Maybe it wouldn't be such a long way away.
We might get there sooner than either one of us thinks.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
- Karen, I.
- That was just.
That was really.
That was really sweet, what you just said.
Get some sleep.
Dear? I thought that was you.
What's wrong? I'm pregnant.
Already? My, those sperm banks are very efficient.
No, no, no.
No, no, Mom.
Mom, it doesn't have anything to do with sperm banks.
It's.
The doctor that gave me the physical, he called this morning.
I'm pregnant.
- With Simors baby.
- With Simors baby.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Jeremy, I'm sorry I had to call you over so late.
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for having me, I think.
I'm sure you heard about the Maybach and Dreiten.
- I've got a vague memory.
- Vague? Know what? You gotta have a lot more than a vague memory.
Let's cut to the chase, Jeremy.
I know you don't have amnesia.
If I remember correctly, I do.
Do not waste my time.
See, I got this gut instinct that says you're not the kind of guy who's gonna punch a woman in the face.
That sounds a lot more like Nola's idea.
It's okay, Jeremy.
It's okay.
Because, see, you failed at fooling me about the status of your memory, but you succeeded in communicating to me how much you care for her and her little brother.
Brother? I didn't know she had a brother.
Yeah, yeah, you did.
Now, this is what we're gonna do.
See, I'm gonna let you be the big hero.
I'll arrange things so you can rescue Nola's brother, - but I'll need something from you.
- What? I'm gonna need you to kill someone.
Who? Me.
Naughty.
Pass.
From Salon de Gorgeous.
- Thrilling.
- Pass.
Are you gonna say no to everything I like? Ding, ding, ding.
No one wants to buy lingerie their mother approves of.
I'm sorry, Adrian.
I'm just.
I'm not feeling it.
- What's the matter with you? - Nothing.
I guess when I buy underwear I just need to have someone in mind.
And, well, Mom, let's face it, after four failed marriages, four, and a failed wedding, where I was traded for stock.
Nonsense.
You're momentarily unappy.
And why wouldn't you be? I can't tell you the number of times I've been disappointed by men.
But do you know what never lets me down? Not ever? Well, if it has batteries, Mom, I'd really rather not.
No, I'm talking about you, dear.
You and my other wonderful children.
You are the great joys of my life.
Someday you'll know what I mean.
Children! Children! Line up! Come on, everybody.
Let's go, let's go.
Shake a leg, shake a leg.
- Hey! Hey.
Here it is.
- Mr.
George.
- Here it is.
I made it.
- Mr.
George? Yeah.
I forgot Kiki's permission slip when I dropped her off yesterday for the field trip.
Okay, your wife called and said Kiki wouldn't be coming to school today.
What? - Hi, Mr.
George.
- Hey, Molly.
- Where's Kiki? - I'm trying to figure that out right now.
When did my wife call and say this? This morning.
She said they were gone for the weekend.
Is there a problem? The problem? The problem is that you didn't tell me you were taking her.
It was a last-minute thing, Nick.
This client called out of the blue.
It's a beautiful house, right on the beach.
I'm gonna select some art pieces I don't care if you're painting them yourself with finger paints, Lisa.
You can't kidnap our daughter.
I am not having this conversation.
You are obviously insane.
I will have her back to you on Monday.
On Monday? This is my weekend, Lisa.
We made an agreement.
Lisa? Lisa? It feels pretty homey.
I mean, I've only been here a day, but I'm already getting the sense that this is where I belong.
That's so wonderful, Son.
So, what can I do for you, Dad? A few years ago, we put the kibosh on Simon Elder's biofuel project.
And now he's your partner, so his profits are your profits.
Precisely.
The key to the whole business was the chairman of the committee, a fellow named Charles Watley.
Yeah, if he could be persuaded to reverse his position, that would be very beneficial to everybody.
I'll talk to him, Dad, but that's it.
I'm not gonna push.
No, no, no, no.
Just feel him out.
See where he stands, you know? Yes, but I'm not going to be unethical.
I'll see what I can do.
Thanks.
Bye.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Look, I need to borrow a jet.
Lisa took Kiki out of state for the weekend without my permission, - without even notifying me.
- Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So I had the GPS company track the location of the car, and they're somewhere near the Maryland shore.
- You wanna go there and retrieve Kiki? - Yeah.
- Take the plane.
Go.
- All right.
Thanks.
Oh, yeah.
That's what it takes.
The memories are flooding back.
How long do you think you can keep this up? - All morning.
- I mean the amnesia act.
As long as it takes to convince Simon that I remember absolutely nothing about how he's got your little brother tucked away somewhere.
Then I'll move in, gain Simors trust, get close enough to figure out where he stashed the kid.
Baby, you're not really spy material.
Not to mention that Simon is a paranoid sociopath.
And that's on a good day.
You're never gonna get close to him.
Unless he thinks it's his idea.
Mmm.
So let's make him think it's his idea.
- Here's a crazy idea.
- Hello, Mr.
George.
Since it's just you and me on this trip, Clark, how about we switch the satellite radio to something a little less operatic? - It's not just you and me, Mr.
George.
- What are you talking about? I'm stowing away.
What do you wanna do? Listen to NPR? It's not gonna happen.
- I'm taking the jet to DC, Brian.
- Oh, yeah? So am I.
- Yeah? For what? - It's classified.
I could tell you, but that might lead to an actual conversation.
God forbid.
Hey, Clark, let's blow this popsicle stand.
As soon as the last passenger boards the aircraft, Mr.
Darling, the stand will be blown.
- What last passenger? - Hello, sailors! Going my way? Sorry.
- That depends.
Where are you going? - And the answer is no.
Little place outside of DC.
It's a boutique of sorts.
Very exclusive.
Yeah? What are you shopping for? Jewelry? Nope.
So, what are you going for? Sperm.
- Sperm? - Yeah, you heard me.
Buckle up, boys.
Karen Darling is gonna have a baby.
Mommy kind of gave me the idea, and at first, I was totally against it.
I mean, baby poo and holding things? But once I got a physical and started doing research on sperm and their banks, what can I say? - You got sucked in.
- I did.
- What a lovely thought, Karen.
- Don't.
Do not.
Do not try and talk me out of this.
You stopped me from marrying Simon, don't stop me from having Coco.
- Coco? - Coco? That's gonna be its name.
I'm gonna pick out a donor, and I'm gonna schedule a squirt, or whatever it is they call it.
Support me, people.
Come on! I want to, Karen.
I do.
I just think that.
You with a kid? Oh, yeah, like you have anything to teach anyone about parenting.
- Don't start with me, Brian.
- The minute you and Lisa broke up, you should have gone to the authorities and accused her - of child abuse and loose living.
- It's true.
- That wouldn't have been true.
- So what? At least you wouldn't be on this mission, going to kidnap your own kid back.
When it comes to kids, Nick, you gotta play dirty.
Thanks for the advice, padre.
Hey, what are you going to DC for anyway? You know, if you two need to know, I'm giving a benediction for a state dinner that Patrick's hosting.
Sorry about that, folks.
We're heading into a little bit of chop.
Should even out in no time.
Wait, Tripp isn't going to Paddy's dinner? That seems kind of odd for him.
Well, I guess Paddy wants everyone to stay the hell out of it and maybe mind their own business maybe.
Okay, okay, okay.
That can't be good, can it? Hey, Brian, my guess is that God feels the same way about you that everyone else does.
But just in case he's, like, a big-picture kind of guy, maybe you could just toss out a prayer.
No.
I am not gonna pray to God for protection from a world that he made dangerous.
Just tough it out.
Okay, I'm gonna put a word in, all right? So just bow your frigging heads.
Anxious? No, not at all, because there's no reason to be.
Everything's going as planned.
It's not overconfidence.
It's just.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
Do not threaten me.
When have I ever given you reason to doubt my loyalty? When have I ever.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Uh.
I promise.
I'll get it done.
Listen, Nola just arrived.
I gotta go.
- Sorry I'm late.
- What's this? The minutes to Patrick Darling's first session with the Senate Agricultural Committee.
- How'd he do? - He held his own.
You'll see.
- It's all in there.
- Whoa.
Wait.
- What is that? - What? You have a hickey.
- I do.
- And welcome to eighth grade.
Who gave it to you? Who are you seeing? - Jeremy Darling.
- Jeremy? Jeremy Darling has amnesia.
I thought he didn't remember you.
He didn't.
He doesn't.
It just so happens you two have fallen into bed together again? I guess we just have chemistry.
Yeah.
Let's hope that's true.
Because if I were to ever find out that his amnesia was anything less than genuine.
He doesn't remember anything.
Trust me.
So, what can I do for you, Senator? Well, I came to speak to you about Simon Elder's bio-diesel project.
Which is now a joint venture with Darling Enterprises, if I'm not mistaken.
That's correct, yes.
And your father would like me to reverse my negative position now that there's money to be made in it for him.
That's.
I'm not sure that's how he would put it.
Of course not.
But then again, your father never says exactly what he means, does he? Look, I tell you what, why don't you tell your father please, from me, Senator, that the position that he pressured me into taking all those many years ago is one I've actually come to agree with.
I will not reverse my position.
Congressman, I've looked at the data, and you should.
This meeting is over, Senator.
And why don't you tell your father from me, next time you see him, I hope he rots in hell.
Okay, we've got a problem.
I'm gonna pull back on the old joystick, see if we can get up above it.
Brian? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - What, what? - He's really praying.
Oh, what's that noise? Nick, what's that sound? - Clark? - Can't chat, Mr.
George.
Sorry, little busy here, but you should go ahead and buckle those seatbelts.
- Sweetie.
Nick, Nick.
- Hey! Karen! I know I've said this before, but if there was ever a time to say it again, - it's now.
- What, Karen? I don't know if you've ever really believed me, but I love you, Nick.
- I really do.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- Karen.
- Yeah? I don't know what in life or just everything that has kept us and made it impossible for us to be together, but I do know, in my heart, you're the one.
You always have been.
Oh, God! Oh, God.
This is wrong! Sorry about that.
Got a little hairy there, but we're fine.
Why don't you just sit back, relax, enjoy the flight, and, well, just go back to doing whatever you were doing? Here you go.
- So.
- What? You were saying? Where the hell are we? We're just outside of Wilkes-Barre.
- Pennsylvania? - Yeah.
Hey, get back in that cockpit and fly us out of here.
No can do, sir.
The FAA has grounded all flights into Dulles due to heavy winds.
Wind? You're afraid of a little wind? Just man up, you big sissy! Hey, it's not his fault, Brian.
Hey, what are you in such a rush for, anyway? Because I made a commitment.
People are counting on me.
I care.
Yeah, I have an appointment, too, but you don't see me throwing a hissy fit.
Well, I'd be calm, too, if I had a river of vodka running through me.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
You know what? Let's just drive.
I don't see why you get to drive.
Because you drive like Grandma Darling.
Yeah, and you drive like Bo Duke.
Hey, come on, Brian.
You're going 90.
Slow down.
- Hey, I've got places to go.
- So do we.
Yeah, and we'd like to get there alive.
- Damn it! - What? I gotta pee.
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna bring it up, - the thing you said on the plane.
- Good.
- About me being the one.
- I'm glad you're not gonna bring it up.
I don't need to.
I've heard enough declarations of love in my life to know the real ones from the knock-offs, and you meant it.
Look, Karen, I thought the plane was going down.
I know, and you spoke the truth from your innermost heart.
It was very romantic, but the question is, what are you gonna do with all those feelings? - Oh! Tell him I said hi.
- Hey, Patrick.
What's up? What do you know about Congressman Charles Watley? He voted against Simors biofuel a few years back.
That was before my time, Pat.
He really, really hates Dad.
That doesn't sound unlikely.
Your dad's made his fair share of enemies.
In this particular case, I have no idea why.
Listen, we're running a little late.
We got the last rental car, and we have your minister.
What are you talking about? Brian.
We've got Brian for your dinner.
What dinner? I thought there was supposed to be some big state dinner tonight that he's praying at.
That's news to me.
- I guess I misunderstood.
I'm sorry.
- No problem.
Right.
I'll see you later, Pat.
No.
No way.
You got five seconds to get in the back of the car.
One, two, three, four, five.
- Hey, Jeremy.
- Hey.
- You wanted to see me? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, have a seat.
I just wanted to talk over a little rumor I've heard about.
A rumor? Well, when it comes to gossip, I'm a bitch.
Let's dish.
- Who's it about? - You.
You know your father and I are partners now, so I hear things.
He mentioned, in passing, that you and Nola Lyons are having a romantic relationship.
Is she your girlfriend, dude? 'Cause if I had known, I would not.
No, no, no.
She's not my girlfriend, Jeremy, and she never would be.
That's what I need to talk to you about.
I need to give you a warning.
- About Nola? - Yeah.
Hit me.
Jeremy, she's a dangerous woman.
How so? Well, see, now, you don't remember any of this, but she's done a lot of harm to your family, Jeremy, and I think she intends to do more.
Well, I'm listening.
She got sexually involved with you the first time in order to gain inside information about your mother during her trial, and now she's insinuated herself into Patrick's life in order to gain political leverage against your father.
She's out to destroy you and your entire family.
- I just thought you should know.
- Oh, man.
Well, here we are.
Man-seed Central.
This doesn't look like the most exclusive sperm-bank in the world.
Trust me.
I did my homework.
It's the creme de la creme, so to speak.
- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
Yeah, good luck, and make it snappy.
In and out, so to speak.
What the hell's going on? Patrick called during your little potty break, and there's no state dinner tonight.
So why are you in such a rush to get to DC, Brian? My ex called.
Mei Ling Hwa.
- About what? Child support? - No.
She wants to sleep with me.
It's just a little Last Tango in Georgetown.
We broke up, she vamoosed to Hong Kong.
She just wants a little closure.
- And you're gonna do it? - Why the hell wouldn't I? - You just got married to Andrea.
- Andrea's got nothing to do with this.
- Unbelievable.
- Oh, come on, Nick.
You know what it's like to be married, the soul-crushing monotony, the routine.
You've been married for four weeks.
What's up? I just poked my head inside the bank, and it's a little.
- Spermy.
- Clinical.
It's called ambience.
I need you guys to come with me inside, into the clinic.
- Oh, come on.
- Inside.
Move it.
Come on.
You, too, pokey.
Come on.
I want someone super-special.
I can't bring just anyone's chromosomes into this family.
Of course, Miss Darling, but as you must know, we cater to only the most discerning clientele.
Yeah, yeah.
And I don't want any of these Nobel Prize people either.
Because the peace.
Yeah, the peace, peace, blah, blah, blah stuff, I don't want.
I don't want.
And no one too smart.
I don't want to breastfeed a nerd.
- You want someone well-rounded.
- Exactly.
Well-rounded and cute.
Cute? What's taking so frigging long? Hey, back off, Brian.
She's not buying a pair of shoes here.
Oh, God.
Do you have any particular physical attributes in mind, Miss Darling? Yes.
I want someone who looks good in the French designers but who can pull off the Italians, someone versatile.
I think you're gonna need to be a little more specific.
- Height, weight, that kind of.
- Oh, God.
Okay.
Um.
dirty blonde leaning towards sandy auburn.
And ixnay on the ack-bay air-hay because I keep a clean house.
- What? - I'm sorry, but I couldn't help noticing you fit her description perfectly.
He does, doesn't he? Oh, I'm sorry.
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
If you'll excuse me, I'll just go and pull some more profiles.
Excellent idea.
- What? - I think you need to face the facts.
- What facts are those? - That you should be my baby-daddy.
- Me? - Yeah.
- No.
- You.
I told you, Karen.
I am just not ready to be a father again.
Not yet.
But the baby would be mine, Nick.
You wouldn't even have to do anything except sleep with me.
You could make that little sacrifice, couldn't you? Like so many others before you have done.
Shut up, Brian.
Look, what I would really like right now is to concentrate on getting my own kid back.
- Hey, why don't you just say it? - What? - You think I'd make a lousy mother.
- Because I don't believe that.
Yes, you do.
I can see it in your eyes, Nick.
You know what you're doing? You're comparing me to your precious little Lisa.
- Nope, no, no.
- Yeah, you are.
Well, I got news for you, pal, your precious little Lisa stole your daughter away from you and didn't tell you, which is something that I would never do to you.
Look, I just wanna have one pure, simple relationship in my life, about me being my best for someone else.
And if that means it's with someone who wears a diaper and doesn't talk English, then so be it.
- Damn it! - What's wrong now? Karers sincerity killed the car.
Sorry.
I'm tired.
My toe hurts.
It's dead in the water, Dad.
I went to see Watley and, quite frankly, he still hates your guts.
What do you mean, still? You tell me.
He gave the impression you squeezed him pretty hard.
Squeezed? I never squeezed anybody, ever, anyone.
I don't wanna go back to Watley and push him on this.
This is your problem.
You caused it, you fix it.
Patrick, I very rarely ask you to do anything.
This is for the family, for the company.
You go back to Mr.
Watley and you get it done.
Right, Dad.
You've never squeezed anybody.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Our worries are over, princess.
- That doesn't seem quite likely.
- It is.
I've got Simon totally snowed.
He's so convinced I have amnesia, he told me about you.
- What about me? - Your checkered past.
It's nothing I don't already know.
- Jeremy, it's a test.
- For what? Don't you see? He's fed you information and now he's gonna sit back and see what you're gonna do with it.
So, what am I supposed to do with it? - How bad were the things he said? - Pretty bad.
Then you're gonna have to do something pretty bad.
To who? Me.
- Lisa.
It's me.
- What, Nick? I'm at a motel just outside of DC, and I will be there in the morning to pick up Kiki.
I told you.
I told you I would get her back to you on Monday.
Why did you come down here? Because that wasrt our agreement.
It's my weekend.
So you have to spoil hers? She is having a great time, Nick.
We went horseback riding today.
We have plans for tomorrow.
I thought you were working.
I am, and then we have plans.
Why are you making this about you? - I'm not.
- Arert you? Arert you feeling guilty because you have been an absentee father all these years and you are trying to make up for it with this grand gesture? Hard as it is for you to hear, Nick, she is fine without you.
She is having a great time, so please don't ruin her weekend trying to prove to yourself that you are a good father.
What happened now? Your wife retreated into the caves near the border of Pakistan? Yeah.
Hey.
What happened? It's Lisa.
Accused me of coming down here because I feel guilty for not being a better father from before the breakup.
And now she said Kiki's fine without me.
Whatever.
No, not whatever.
- What did you say to her? - Nothing.
What am I supposed to say? "You're a lying, cheating bitch.
"You care more about having your own art gallery "than you do about the integrity of our relationship.
" I mean, there are things you could say.
She's not all wrong, though, Brian.
Ever since I started working for the family, I've been distracted, absent.
You know, just like Dutch wasrt really there for me when I was a kid, I'm not there for Kiki, and, you know, maybe she's right.
Maybe I am doing this all for myself.
Kiki is fine without me, better off, even.
You know what? Get out.
- Are you serious? - I'm totally serious.
- Why? - Because for one, I'm your half-brother, and I'm not doing you any favors listening to this self-pitying crap.
Relationships are a two-way street, Nick, and you are a much better father than most.
- And, two.
- Yeah? I'm sex-texting with Mei Ling Hwa, and I think we're ready to take it to the next level.
So just take a hike.
You can sleep on the floor.
Oh, but not anywhere near the bed, because, you know, God forbid you would think an impure thought and accidentally impregnate me with your super sperm.
Karen, I just had my ass handed to me by Lisa and Brian.
- For what? Being superior? - Come on, move over.
For being a bad father and just generally sucking at everything.
Yeah, I don't wanna talk about it.
Cut me a break, would you? Okay, but just this once.
What are you watching? You're not a bad father.
You must know that, right? I don't know what I know anymore.
Well, God, Nick, if the proof is in the pudding, and Kiki's the pudding, you're a great dad.
Lisa didn't do that all by herself.
If you're trying to talk me into getting you pregnant tonight.
- I'm not.
I'm not.
- Okay.
But we could try for a practice run.
- Karen.
- What? We could.
If you and I are gonna be together in a good, constructive way, I'm pretty sure it doesn't start tonight, in a motel, - in a room that smells like curry.
- Okay.
Well, then, why don't you just sleep with me? Look, did you not listen to a word I said? I said, Nick, I said sleep with me, like hold me, like actually sleep with me.
Yeah.
- I'd like that.
- Okay.
Okay, sleep time.
- This is nice.
It's like junior high.
- Yeah, if we'd grown up in Bombay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Thanks for meeting me halfway.
- No problem.
Nice place.
Not exactly my idea of a love nest.
Well, you know, man plans, God laughs.
It's a long story.
You look good.
So do you.
You gonna keep the collar on? - You want me to? - No.
I don't.
No! - I've never done this before.
- Neither have I.
I mean, technically, I've only cheated on you, not with you.
You're such a bastard.
Why isn't Brian coming along? I don't know.
I am not my half-brother's keeper.
Hello? Yes.
Oh? Okay.
Yeah.
Thank you.
All right, bye.
- Who was that? - My doctor in New York.
He was the one who did the physical.
Just calling to confirm that all of my lady parts are good to go.
Ah.
- Senator.
- Another potcheen, please.
And one for my esteemed colleague from across the aisle.
To what do I owe the pleasure, Senator? Your father running low on whipping boys? The opposite.
I have come to apologize for my complete ignorance earlier.
I think I understand now why you were so frustrated with me.
You do? - Really? - Of course.
I've been subjected to a lifetime of bullying from my father.
Stands to reason I haven't been the only one.
Listen, I know my father will never give you the apology you deserve, but I hope you will accept mine.
Whatever he did to pressure you, I'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
Great.
Terrific.
I hope this means we can move forward.
I hope so, too.
- Excuse me? - What? What the hell was that? I thought you understood what your father had on me.
You have a wife and children.
And you have a thing for transsexuals.
Yeah, with female parts.
I'm not gay.
I'm sorry for the confusion, Senator, and I'm sorry, but you won't be getting my vote.
That went well.
Don't wander off.
Dad! - How are you? You having fun? - Yeah.
Now that you're here, though, it's even better.
Well, thank you.
Your mom's here.
Why are you doing this? Well, like I said, this is my weekend with Kiki, so I thought I'd come and pick her up.
- You drove all the way here for me? - Of course I did.
You can't just show up here unannounced, Nick.
We talked about this.
No, we didn't talk about anything, that's why I had to drive down here.
Ten minutes till dinnertime, baby doll.
Oh? Hi.
"Baby doll.
" - Edward, this is Nick.
- Nick.
Heard a lot about you.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey, Kiki, would you mind staying here for a second with Edward? - I just wanna talk to your mom.
- Okay.
Be right back.
- What the hell's going on here? - He's my client.
Unless you're a prostitute, he's obviously much more than just a client.
Funny.
Edward invited me here to update his art collection.
- We're getting along.
- Well, obviously.
"Baby doll"? You and I have been separated for two months, Nick.
I am allowed to date.
Lisa, you didn't inform me you were taking our daughter, and you took her across state lines.
Don't talk to me like we're in court.
I'm not on the stand, Nick, and you're not the judge.
What, you wanna tell me that you've been so pure? Never said I was pure.
Talk about getting in bed with your clients.
Hey, whatever I am, I'm still Kiki's father.
And for our daughter's sake I'm not gonna cause a scene.
I'm gonna get out of here, but you know and I know that after this little stunt you'll never get full custody now.
Fifty-fifty is the best you can hope for, which is what I've been offering all along.
Now you make sure that Kiki's back by Monday.
Hey, Kiki.
Man, I had no idea you were having such a good time and I gotta get back to the city, so is it okay if we see each other when you get back into town? - Okay.
- All right.
Hug? Bye.
- Dad? - Yeah? I love you.
I love you, too.
You ready for dinner? Come on.
Simon.
What did you say to Jeremy? - About what? - Me.
Dreiten, go start the car.
Tell me what happened.
He came screaming at me, saying that you told him everything about how I was plotting against the family, trying to tear them apart.
I told him he didn't understand, and then he hit me.
I assure you, I didn't tell him to do that.
Not at all.
Simon.
Simon.
Look.
I am under a lot of pressure right now, pressure you know nothing about.
You wanna make it easy for yourself, stay away from Jeremy Darling.
That was meant for you.
Looks like smooth sailing tonight, folks, so we should be home in no time.
You've been quiet.
- Mei Ling lightened your mood? - She changed it.
Was it everything you expected it to be? You wanna hear all the dirty details? She came to the motel.
I invited her in.
She took off her coat.
We sat on the bed for 20 minutes, and that was it.
So you didn't go through with it? No, I didn't.
Couldrt.
Those last three minutes, I tried.
- The monster wouldn't come to life.
- Well, maybe it's for the best, Brian.
You're actually one step closer to committing to something, to someone you really love.
Yeah, and what about you? What? What do you mean? Me and Karen? - Yeah.
- Look, I.
The two of you having a kid would be weird, sure, but it wouldn't be the worst thing that ever happened.
Oh, it's so good to be home.
That was exhausting.
Hey, thanks for the lift.
I owe you 4 bucks for the tolls.
- See you.
- See you.
- Hey, Karen.
- Here.
I know what it's like to wanna have a child.
I do.
And I don't know if I ever told you this, but Lisa and I had to try for six months before we got pregnant with Kiki.
And I remember what it was like, laying in bed thinking about this little person I wanted so badly to meet.
She just wouldn't show up, and it drove me crazy.
You know how I feel.
That's a real consolation, Nick.
Thanks.
Hey, no.
Karen.
Karen, I guess what I'm trying to tell you is I love you.
I do.
And I am open to being your baby-daddy.
You're what? You're open to it? Yeah.
I can't do it yet, and I'm sorry, but I can't do it yet.
Okay.
But if we were to take things slow, like, with us.
Like, going out.
- Yeah, yeah, going out.
- Yeah.
Maybe it wouldn't be such a long way away.
We might get there sooner than either one of us thinks.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
- Karen, I.
- That was just.
That was really.
That was really sweet, what you just said.
Get some sleep.
Dear? I thought that was you.
What's wrong? I'm pregnant.
Already? My, those sperm banks are very efficient.
No, no, no.
No, no, Mom.
Mom, it doesn't have anything to do with sperm banks.
It's.
The doctor that gave me the physical, he called this morning.
I'm pregnant.
- With Simors baby.
- With Simors baby.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Jeremy, I'm sorry I had to call you over so late.
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for having me, I think.
I'm sure you heard about the Maybach and Dreiten.
- I've got a vague memory.
- Vague? Know what? You gotta have a lot more than a vague memory.
Let's cut to the chase, Jeremy.
I know you don't have amnesia.
If I remember correctly, I do.
Do not waste my time.
See, I got this gut instinct that says you're not the kind of guy who's gonna punch a woman in the face.
That sounds a lot more like Nola's idea.
It's okay, Jeremy.
It's okay.
Because, see, you failed at fooling me about the status of your memory, but you succeeded in communicating to me how much you care for her and her little brother.
Brother? I didn't know she had a brother.
Yeah, yeah, you did.
Now, this is what we're gonna do.
See, I'm gonna let you be the big hero.
I'll arrange things so you can rescue Nola's brother, - but I'll need something from you.
- What? I'm gonna need you to kill someone.
Who? Me.