Duck Dodgers (2003) s02e11 Episode Script
Surf the Stars / Samurai Quack
Go, boys, go.
Whoa, yeah, ha, ha.
Whoo! Ha, ha.
Woo-hoo! Hooray! [LAUGHING.]
Oops.
- Whoa! - Aah! Heads up, ho dads! Coming through.
Once again, Duck Dodgers remains the surf king.
Hang 10.
Shoot the curl.
Loose lips sink ships.
Yay, Duck Dodgers! - I remember when this was our spot.
- You gotta admit, he is pretty good, bro.
That's right.
I take to surfing like a duck to water.
Hey, that makes sense if you think about it.
All hail the surf king.
Hail King Dodgers! It's good to be the king, baby.
And here is your fruit smoothie made solely from canned pineapples.
Everyone knows the freshest pineapples come from cans.
He's not very smart, is he? I'm afraid that his ridiculous antics are less than aspirational.
Captain, shouldn't we be getting back to Earth? We've been on this beach for six years.
Go back? But I'm the king of the surf, baron of the beach, sire of the swell.
And I, Surf King Duck Dodgers, am no wave hogging goon.
I will gladly take on all challengers to my throne.
[BOOMING NEARBY.]
Aah! Huh? What is that? It's a ship.
[YELLS.]
Seems like a friendly chap.
I am the Crusher, the mightiest surfer in the universe! Surf King Dodgers, I thought you were the mightiest.
Well, I--I, um.
And the Crusher claims this planet for his own.
But Dock Dodgers is the surf king here.
[LAUGHING.]
You made this stupid duck your king? Well, I was actually appointed during an ill-conceived corporate merger.
You may have the skills to impress these locals but can you out-surf the Crusher? Something tells me we'll be spending the next several minutes finding out.
Ooh, maybe you could have, like, a surfing contest.
That's a terrific idea.
That's a terrible idea.
A surfing contest it is.
See you at dawn.
Oh, please let me land in the big soft bush full of beautiful flowers.
Typical.
[HULA GIRLS LAUGHING.]
I brought your smoothie, Mr.
Crusher.
Don't get too comfortable in that throne, buster.
Oh, who am I trying to kid? You think I can win this contest, don't you, little fella? [LAUGHING.]
You, beat that monster? You don't have a prayer, buddy.
[LAUGHING.]
Even this worthless, disgusting slug doesn't believe in me.
BRIAN: That doesn't matter, chum.
I'm Brian Wilson.
What matters is that you believe in yourself.
What are you doing here? I often appear as a sort of spiritual advisor to surfers in need.
I thought you didn't know how to surf.
- Do you want my advice or not? - Hey, really, what do I have to lose? Then get your karma in balance, focus your chi and you'll hear a song in your inner gourd.
Holy carp! I wish I could think that deep.
Well, this is it.
The big day.
Captain Dodgers, did you remember to wax your board? Surfboard? No.
But I did have my eyebrows done.
Just remember to listen for the song in your inner gourd.
A what in my inner where? You know, the song Brian told you to listen for.
- Who? - Your spiritual surfing advisor.
You mean a ghost? Don't you remember this guy? Oh, yeah.
Good to see you again, buddy.
Hey.
Ooh! Sorry.
Guess I don't know my own strength.
Don't you get it? He is not a corporeal being.
He's a psychic manifestation of spiritual energy.
Uh, captain? Captain Dodgers? Whee! Whee! - Excuse me, captain? - Yes, Cadet? Hey, you guaranteed this guest spot would be handled with dignity.
Sorry, Brian.
So, captain? [DODGERS GRUNTING.]
Stupid psychic manifestations.
Gotta break free! [DODGERS CRASHING.]
Where's my dignity? You can beat the Crusher, Dodgers.
Just remember to listen for my song.
- What? - I said, listen for my song.
Sorry, I think I've still got some tuna in my ear.
Listen for my song! [GROWLING.]
[DODGERS YELPS.]
[BUOY DINGING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[CRUSHER GRUNTS.]
[CRASHING.]
[CRASHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[LAUGHING.]
[GULPS.]
[SCREAMING.]
Clearly a case of canned pineapple deficiency.
Duck Dodgers wins! Yeah! All right! Cool! Way to go! BOTH: Hooray, Duck Dodgers! Thanks, Brian Wilson.
I owe it all to your strange and confusing advice.
No problem.
Hey, I gotta split.
Some kid in Maui has some serious wave anxiety.
Hang loose, dude.
[HULA GIRLS CHEERING.]
Awesome! HULA GIRLS: Yeah! Hooray, surf king! Oh, uh, sorry, Cadet, but I don't think we'll be returning to Earth anytime soon.
- What's the rush? - It's good to be the king.
[SIGHING CONTENTEDLY.]
[CLOCK LAUGHING.]
CLOCK: Happy Cat say nap time is over.
Wake up.
You sleep too much.
[LAUGHING.]
My snooze button is broken.
That's not all that's gonna be broken if you don't shut up.
[CLOCK LAUGHING.]
CLOCK: Very funny, lazy duck, but you can never defeat me.
Never! Nothing makes me hungrier than a nap.
Hey, Cadet, supper ready? I said, what's cooking, cook? Tonight I'm preparing sushi with all the trappings.
Impressive.
You did all this while I was taking a nap? You were sleeping for three days.
Three days? Did I miss anything important? I'll fill you in on the defeat of the Klunkin Armada after we've eaten.
Good, because my tummy needs some grub.
[RUMBLING.]
We can begin as soon you get out of my kitchen.
Fine.
Okay, let's go.
I'm starving.
Gotta go wash my hands.
I'll be back in a minute.
Well, I'm hungry right now.
[CHOMPING.]
Yum.
All sterile.
What are you doing? Well, I just thought I'd get started without you.
- But you don't know what you're doing.
- Oh, yeah, I do.
Making sushi.
Sir, this is a rare and dangerous talosian puffer.
I think I better handle this one my-- I think I know what I'm doing.
Sir, it contains a powerful nerve toxin and must be carefully prepared.
But, captain.
Perfect.
Nice presentation, huh? Don't eat it! No! - Oh, dear.
- I don't know what you were so worried about.
Eek! [YELLING.]
Whoa! [YELLING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
It's a little drafty.
[YAWNS.]
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Frog.
Frog.
Walking.
Walking.
Wind.
Walking.
Cricket.
Cricket.
Drop.
Walking.
Walking.
[SERVOS WHIRRING.]
Huh? [GRUNTS.]
[YELLING.]
Robot! Hi-yah! [GRUNTS.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
Robot.
Robot.
Robot! Robot.
Robot.
Robot! Stop! Not a robot! Not a robot! You're lucky I didn't cut you to ribbons.
Not with a Y7 rating, you won't.
DODGERS: So, my defeated adversary, how mayeth I escape this here taco stand and returneth to whence I came? Only the evil tyrant wizard, the master of masters Ah-Choo, has the power to send you home.
Or you could just use this time portal right here.
But then, of course, you wouldn't be able to defeat Ah-Choo and end the oppression of my people.
[DODGERS GRUNTING.]
- Where are you going, noble champion? - So is there a button I gotta press? Please, you must battle the evil wizard! That time portal is just a prop.
It's supposed to introduce a moral conflict.
Not on this show, it doesn't.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wizard to battle.
He lives in yonder spooky castle.
I knew that.
This must be the place.
To do the impossible, I must call upon the strength of my ancestors.
[STUDIO AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
Hey, Dad, can I have a nickel to go to movies? FATHER: Did you mow the lawn? - Yep.
FATHER: Did you clean your room? - Sure did.
FATHER: Did you finish your homework? - Yes, sir.
FATHER: Then ask your mother.
[STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
Dear old Dad.
That must be Ah-Choo's evil, spooky castle.
[YELPS.]
Yep.
Them bats are a dead giveaway.
Walking.
Walking in spooky castle.
Terrified.
Looking around.
AH-CHOO: Stop right there, samurai.
Thanks, bud.
I haven't walked this much in two seasons put together.
I think I'm getting a charley horse here.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey, you're just my stupid alarm clock guy! AH-CHOO: I am no simple piece of talking plastic.
I am a heap, big, powerful wizard! Then I demand you use your paltry powers to send me home! Behold my messy hair of determination.
- Aah! - Wait! What are you doing? [YELLING.]
Stop! Cheap, counterfeit Manolo Blahniks.
First, Samurai Quack we must have our customary battle preparation montage.
Why? Well, its many interesting compositions will build dramatic tension.
Then let's get to it, Kurosawa.
[SCREAMS.]
Begin the stare down.
[KNUCKLES CRACKING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Are we ready to start fighting? Gee, I hope so.
Well, I stopped paying attention.
How does my hair look? More editing! [GROWLS THEN AH-CHOO ROARS.]
[RUBBER DUCK SQUEAKING.]
[GIBBERS.]
DODGERS: What the heck is that? I think it's a monkey wearing lederhosen.
- Is he building dramatic tension too? - No.
I think the editor is playing a dumb joke.
Try to ignore him.
DODGERS: Ew.
Now he's eating an apple with his foot.
Ugh.
Oh, I can't ignore something like that.
Then fight! You have skills, samurai.
I'm a yellow belt.
[LAUGHING.]
Yowza! Become my apprentice, samurai.
- Never! - It is your destiny.
Join me and we will rule the galaxy as father and son.
[LAUGHING THEN STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Man, that nerve toxin is some funky stuff.
Clear! [DODGERS SCREAMS.]
You're alive.
The monkey's wearing lederhosen.
Aah! And Happy Cat's my dad.
Don't worry, captain.
That's just the blowfish poison working itself out of your system.
But it all seemed so real.
I guess it's no more sushi for you.
Come on.
I'll fix you a nice deep-dish pot sticker and kielbasa pizza.
[AH-CHOO LAUGHING.]
[English - US -SDH.]
Whoa, yeah, ha, ha.
Whoo! Ha, ha.
Woo-hoo! Hooray! [LAUGHING.]
Oops.
- Whoa! - Aah! Heads up, ho dads! Coming through.
Once again, Duck Dodgers remains the surf king.
Hang 10.
Shoot the curl.
Loose lips sink ships.
Yay, Duck Dodgers! - I remember when this was our spot.
- You gotta admit, he is pretty good, bro.
That's right.
I take to surfing like a duck to water.
Hey, that makes sense if you think about it.
All hail the surf king.
Hail King Dodgers! It's good to be the king, baby.
And here is your fruit smoothie made solely from canned pineapples.
Everyone knows the freshest pineapples come from cans.
He's not very smart, is he? I'm afraid that his ridiculous antics are less than aspirational.
Captain, shouldn't we be getting back to Earth? We've been on this beach for six years.
Go back? But I'm the king of the surf, baron of the beach, sire of the swell.
And I, Surf King Duck Dodgers, am no wave hogging goon.
I will gladly take on all challengers to my throne.
[BOOMING NEARBY.]
Aah! Huh? What is that? It's a ship.
[YELLS.]
Seems like a friendly chap.
I am the Crusher, the mightiest surfer in the universe! Surf King Dodgers, I thought you were the mightiest.
Well, I--I, um.
And the Crusher claims this planet for his own.
But Dock Dodgers is the surf king here.
[LAUGHING.]
You made this stupid duck your king? Well, I was actually appointed during an ill-conceived corporate merger.
You may have the skills to impress these locals but can you out-surf the Crusher? Something tells me we'll be spending the next several minutes finding out.
Ooh, maybe you could have, like, a surfing contest.
That's a terrific idea.
That's a terrible idea.
A surfing contest it is.
See you at dawn.
Oh, please let me land in the big soft bush full of beautiful flowers.
Typical.
[HULA GIRLS LAUGHING.]
I brought your smoothie, Mr.
Crusher.
Don't get too comfortable in that throne, buster.
Oh, who am I trying to kid? You think I can win this contest, don't you, little fella? [LAUGHING.]
You, beat that monster? You don't have a prayer, buddy.
[LAUGHING.]
Even this worthless, disgusting slug doesn't believe in me.
BRIAN: That doesn't matter, chum.
I'm Brian Wilson.
What matters is that you believe in yourself.
What are you doing here? I often appear as a sort of spiritual advisor to surfers in need.
I thought you didn't know how to surf.
- Do you want my advice or not? - Hey, really, what do I have to lose? Then get your karma in balance, focus your chi and you'll hear a song in your inner gourd.
Holy carp! I wish I could think that deep.
Well, this is it.
The big day.
Captain Dodgers, did you remember to wax your board? Surfboard? No.
But I did have my eyebrows done.
Just remember to listen for the song in your inner gourd.
A what in my inner where? You know, the song Brian told you to listen for.
- Who? - Your spiritual surfing advisor.
You mean a ghost? Don't you remember this guy? Oh, yeah.
Good to see you again, buddy.
Hey.
Ooh! Sorry.
Guess I don't know my own strength.
Don't you get it? He is not a corporeal being.
He's a psychic manifestation of spiritual energy.
Uh, captain? Captain Dodgers? Whee! Whee! - Excuse me, captain? - Yes, Cadet? Hey, you guaranteed this guest spot would be handled with dignity.
Sorry, Brian.
So, captain? [DODGERS GRUNTING.]
Stupid psychic manifestations.
Gotta break free! [DODGERS CRASHING.]
Where's my dignity? You can beat the Crusher, Dodgers.
Just remember to listen for my song.
- What? - I said, listen for my song.
Sorry, I think I've still got some tuna in my ear.
Listen for my song! [GROWLING.]
[DODGERS YELPS.]
[BUOY DINGING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[CRUSHER GRUNTS.]
[CRASHING.]
[CRASHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[LAUGHING.]
[GULPS.]
[SCREAMING.]
Clearly a case of canned pineapple deficiency.
Duck Dodgers wins! Yeah! All right! Cool! Way to go! BOTH: Hooray, Duck Dodgers! Thanks, Brian Wilson.
I owe it all to your strange and confusing advice.
No problem.
Hey, I gotta split.
Some kid in Maui has some serious wave anxiety.
Hang loose, dude.
[HULA GIRLS CHEERING.]
Awesome! HULA GIRLS: Yeah! Hooray, surf king! Oh, uh, sorry, Cadet, but I don't think we'll be returning to Earth anytime soon.
- What's the rush? - It's good to be the king.
[SIGHING CONTENTEDLY.]
[CLOCK LAUGHING.]
CLOCK: Happy Cat say nap time is over.
Wake up.
You sleep too much.
[LAUGHING.]
My snooze button is broken.
That's not all that's gonna be broken if you don't shut up.
[CLOCK LAUGHING.]
CLOCK: Very funny, lazy duck, but you can never defeat me.
Never! Nothing makes me hungrier than a nap.
Hey, Cadet, supper ready? I said, what's cooking, cook? Tonight I'm preparing sushi with all the trappings.
Impressive.
You did all this while I was taking a nap? You were sleeping for three days.
Three days? Did I miss anything important? I'll fill you in on the defeat of the Klunkin Armada after we've eaten.
Good, because my tummy needs some grub.
[RUMBLING.]
We can begin as soon you get out of my kitchen.
Fine.
Okay, let's go.
I'm starving.
Gotta go wash my hands.
I'll be back in a minute.
Well, I'm hungry right now.
[CHOMPING.]
Yum.
All sterile.
What are you doing? Well, I just thought I'd get started without you.
- But you don't know what you're doing.
- Oh, yeah, I do.
Making sushi.
Sir, this is a rare and dangerous talosian puffer.
I think I better handle this one my-- I think I know what I'm doing.
Sir, it contains a powerful nerve toxin and must be carefully prepared.
But, captain.
Perfect.
Nice presentation, huh? Don't eat it! No! - Oh, dear.
- I don't know what you were so worried about.
Eek! [YELLING.]
Whoa! [YELLING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
It's a little drafty.
[YAWNS.]
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Walking.
Frog.
Frog.
Walking.
Walking.
Wind.
Walking.
Cricket.
Cricket.
Drop.
Walking.
Walking.
[SERVOS WHIRRING.]
Huh? [GRUNTS.]
[YELLING.]
Robot! Hi-yah! [GRUNTS.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
Robot.
Robot.
Robot! Robot.
Robot.
Robot! Stop! Not a robot! Not a robot! You're lucky I didn't cut you to ribbons.
Not with a Y7 rating, you won't.
DODGERS: So, my defeated adversary, how mayeth I escape this here taco stand and returneth to whence I came? Only the evil tyrant wizard, the master of masters Ah-Choo, has the power to send you home.
Or you could just use this time portal right here.
But then, of course, you wouldn't be able to defeat Ah-Choo and end the oppression of my people.
[DODGERS GRUNTING.]
- Where are you going, noble champion? - So is there a button I gotta press? Please, you must battle the evil wizard! That time portal is just a prop.
It's supposed to introduce a moral conflict.
Not on this show, it doesn't.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wizard to battle.
He lives in yonder spooky castle.
I knew that.
This must be the place.
To do the impossible, I must call upon the strength of my ancestors.
[STUDIO AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
Hey, Dad, can I have a nickel to go to movies? FATHER: Did you mow the lawn? - Yep.
FATHER: Did you clean your room? - Sure did.
FATHER: Did you finish your homework? - Yes, sir.
FATHER: Then ask your mother.
[STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
Dear old Dad.
That must be Ah-Choo's evil, spooky castle.
[YELPS.]
Yep.
Them bats are a dead giveaway.
Walking.
Walking in spooky castle.
Terrified.
Looking around.
AH-CHOO: Stop right there, samurai.
Thanks, bud.
I haven't walked this much in two seasons put together.
I think I'm getting a charley horse here.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey, you're just my stupid alarm clock guy! AH-CHOO: I am no simple piece of talking plastic.
I am a heap, big, powerful wizard! Then I demand you use your paltry powers to send me home! Behold my messy hair of determination.
- Aah! - Wait! What are you doing? [YELLING.]
Stop! Cheap, counterfeit Manolo Blahniks.
First, Samurai Quack we must have our customary battle preparation montage.
Why? Well, its many interesting compositions will build dramatic tension.
Then let's get to it, Kurosawa.
[SCREAMS.]
Begin the stare down.
[KNUCKLES CRACKING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Are we ready to start fighting? Gee, I hope so.
Well, I stopped paying attention.
How does my hair look? More editing! [GROWLS THEN AH-CHOO ROARS.]
[RUBBER DUCK SQUEAKING.]
[GIBBERS.]
DODGERS: What the heck is that? I think it's a monkey wearing lederhosen.
- Is he building dramatic tension too? - No.
I think the editor is playing a dumb joke.
Try to ignore him.
DODGERS: Ew.
Now he's eating an apple with his foot.
Ugh.
Oh, I can't ignore something like that.
Then fight! You have skills, samurai.
I'm a yellow belt.
[LAUGHING.]
Yowza! Become my apprentice, samurai.
- Never! - It is your destiny.
Join me and we will rule the galaxy as father and son.
[LAUGHING THEN STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Man, that nerve toxin is some funky stuff.
Clear! [DODGERS SCREAMS.]
You're alive.
The monkey's wearing lederhosen.
Aah! And Happy Cat's my dad.
Don't worry, captain.
That's just the blowfish poison working itself out of your system.
But it all seemed so real.
I guess it's no more sushi for you.
Come on.
I'll fix you a nice deep-dish pot sticker and kielbasa pizza.
[AH-CHOO LAUGHING.]
[English - US -SDH.]