Eagleheart (2010) s02e11 Episode Script
Bringing Down Bunju
Let me tell you the story of a man named Bunju.
A brutal dictator, he turned the once proud African nation of Mubalo into his personal death parlor.
Every Sunday, he would treat himself to a luxurious bath in the blood of his enemies.
But this would be his last.
Bath time's over, Bunju.
Who are you? I'm Chris Monsanto, U.
S.
marshal.
But you can call me Calgon, 'cause I'm about to take you away.
I hope you're a Brian Setzer fan, because you're gonna swing, baby.
I love Brian Setzer.
Ugh! I like you even less now.
Get him out of there.
Asshole.
I'm here at Winley Air Force base, where reporters have gathered to await the arrival of General Martin Bunju of Mubalo, one of the most brutal dictators this reporter has ever heard of.
I'm so tired.
It is I, Bunju, the Monster of Mubalo! I look forward to detailing my atrocities in your international court.
I think you will be most horrified.
All right, okay.
Down you go.
All right, no more questions, folks.
No more questions.
In.
We're taking you to a safe house so we can monster-sit you until your trial.
All of us in one car? Please, in my country, a man of my stature does not ride in a car with a woman.
Well, this isn't your country.
All right, sweetheart.
There you go.
That night, Bunju regaled the marshals with tales of his brutal reign.
and I went on to win the election in a landslide.
By that, I mean I had all opposing candidates crushed under rocks.
Oh, Bunju.
Seriously, look at me.
I got to tell you, Bunju, you're a hard guy not to like.
You're a real solid bastard.
You are right.
I am the pits.
Before I came along, Mubalo was a peaceful and prosperous nation.
People spent their days playing friendly games of Scribblers 8.
Scribblers 8? What's that? Would you like to play? Let's see.
"Get ready for fun as two to nine players add, subtract, multiply, and divide their way to victory.
" Geez.
Where's old red, huh? She'd eat up this egghead crap like it was fried shrimp.
Yeah.
Where is she? Huh.
Hello?! I'm still in here! Let me see what's in Bunju's bag.
Scribblers 8.
Might kill some time.
What are you doing? You can double your roll is you have passies on the yellow line.
Moron, you had triple 7s the last time you landed on a free square.
You're not even supposed to be touching the dice.
Is fun, right? Yeah, right.
It sucks.
Not sucks.
Just flip the multiplier coin.
If it comes up red, you can try and roll double 8s.
Aah! This game makes no sense.
But the game made perfect sense.
It was marshal Susie who had not the brain power to grasp it.
That's not true.
All you need to do is cross two triple-power scores of greater value and you get a bonus word.
Words?! I thought this was a numbers game! Shut up, Brett.
Marshals, I don't think we're supposed to leave the safe house.
Put a cork in it, banjo.
We're going back to the office.
Maybe someone there will teach us how to play this stupid game! It's fun.
Ugh! You need double 8.
Roll the dice, Susie, but not the blue dice.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Oh, God.
Scribblers 8 is making me crazy.
What is that game? This game blows.
Not blows.
It's fun.
Well, maybe you should stick to stapling people's eyelids to their nutsacks.
Your game's a real stink box.
Don't hate the game.
Hate the scribbler.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Picking my new tiles.
In negative pickup rounds, your opponent picks the tiles.
[Bleep.]
You.
Oh, no.
It's happening again.
Again? Susan.
It's been far too long.
Uncle Avery.
Can I get you something to drink? Save the goof juice, Avery.
I'm only here because I need your help.
You know games.
What can you tell me about Scribblers 8? Scribblers 8? It's here? Checkmate.
Aah! Oh, my God! If you're watching this, I just slit my own throat, which means that Scribblers 8 has spread to America, a prospect too terrifying for me to bear.
Scribblers 8 was created by an African inventor, Martin Bunju.
He came to America to pitch this atrocious game on the hit show "Inventican Hero.
" But he was laughed out of the studio.
Humiliated, Bunju went back to Mubalo and entered politics.
He rose to power through peaceful democratic elections, eventually becoming a benevolent, progressive-minded president.
But he never forgot his real dream.
He made Scribblers 8 Mubalo's national pastime and purged the country of all other games.
It didn't take long for the whole country to spiral into an annoyance-induced orgy of bloodshed.
If you're watching this, heed my words -- Scribblers 8 is not fun.
Unh! Bunju's not evil at all.
It's the game.
That's right.
It'sthe game.
I'm too late.
No, no, no, no, no! No, no! Wait.
No, no, no.
Just wait.
Just wait, wait! Hey, get over here, will you? For some reason, Brett does not want to be murdered.
Yes, I do.
I'm pulling! We have to stop people from playing Scribblers 8! It's evil! For God's sake, look around! Yeah.
Okay, fine.
I'll talk toJobejo.
Where is he? They took him to be executed about 20 minutes ago.
What about his trial? I think they were going to try him in the van on the way to the firing squad.
Come on.
No.
It's not annoying.
It's a fun game.
Wait! Ah, marshals.
Come to join in the fun? Bunju, you killed the witnesses and the executioners? Wow.
Don't you see, Chris? Bunju didn't kill anyone.
He never has.
Liar! Oh, really? Strangle me.
Squeeze, Bunju, squeeze! Her neck is slippery.
Oh, cut it out.
It's the game that's evil! It's stupid and annoying, and it makes everyone kill each other.
Bunju's just a patsy.
Bunju, say it ain't so.
It's true, Chris.
Bunju not evil.
My whole life has been a lie.
But what about the blood baths? Just tomato juice, Chris.
Just tomato juice.
Of course.
Bunju is skunkproof.
Tomato juice is a skunk's worst enemy, and he's been bathing in it for years.
I just wanted to help people have fun.
- But it got bigger than me.
- Uh, what did? I did! Scribblers.
There's no use trying to stop me now, marshals.
I have already begun to spread.
Bunju, tell us how to end the game.
Marshal Susie, what makes Scribblers Have existed for thousands of years, manifesting in everything that is a pointless waste of time.
Mankind will soon be a memory.
The games will be all that remain.
Monopoly will play scattergories against checkers, and chute will lie down with ladder! Bunju?! Martin, it is time we become one and fulfill our destiny.
N-o-o-o-o! Y-e-e-e-es.
Just like in our deal that we worked out.
Bunju, Scribblers 8 is not fun! No board game is fun! Families just play board games so they don't have to talk to each other! Really? Not fun? Yes! This game sucks! Let's do something else! The words! He has said the seven words! - N-o-o-o-o-o-o-- - You have ended it, Brett By saying the words as written in the prophecy -- "This game sucks.
Let's do something else.
" Goodbye.
Bunju! Ah.
The skunks are back! The games ended, and there was peace throughout the world, even in Mubalo.
Families talked, friends stopped killing each other, and Bunju -- he ended up right where he belongs.
Checkmate.
Aah!
A brutal dictator, he turned the once proud African nation of Mubalo into his personal death parlor.
Every Sunday, he would treat himself to a luxurious bath in the blood of his enemies.
But this would be his last.
Bath time's over, Bunju.
Who are you? I'm Chris Monsanto, U.
S.
marshal.
But you can call me Calgon, 'cause I'm about to take you away.
I hope you're a Brian Setzer fan, because you're gonna swing, baby.
I love Brian Setzer.
Ugh! I like you even less now.
Get him out of there.
Asshole.
I'm here at Winley Air Force base, where reporters have gathered to await the arrival of General Martin Bunju of Mubalo, one of the most brutal dictators this reporter has ever heard of.
I'm so tired.
It is I, Bunju, the Monster of Mubalo! I look forward to detailing my atrocities in your international court.
I think you will be most horrified.
All right, okay.
Down you go.
All right, no more questions, folks.
No more questions.
In.
We're taking you to a safe house so we can monster-sit you until your trial.
All of us in one car? Please, in my country, a man of my stature does not ride in a car with a woman.
Well, this isn't your country.
All right, sweetheart.
There you go.
That night, Bunju regaled the marshals with tales of his brutal reign.
and I went on to win the election in a landslide.
By that, I mean I had all opposing candidates crushed under rocks.
Oh, Bunju.
Seriously, look at me.
I got to tell you, Bunju, you're a hard guy not to like.
You're a real solid bastard.
You are right.
I am the pits.
Before I came along, Mubalo was a peaceful and prosperous nation.
People spent their days playing friendly games of Scribblers 8.
Scribblers 8? What's that? Would you like to play? Let's see.
"Get ready for fun as two to nine players add, subtract, multiply, and divide their way to victory.
" Geez.
Where's old red, huh? She'd eat up this egghead crap like it was fried shrimp.
Yeah.
Where is she? Huh.
Hello?! I'm still in here! Let me see what's in Bunju's bag.
Scribblers 8.
Might kill some time.
What are you doing? You can double your roll is you have passies on the yellow line.
Moron, you had triple 7s the last time you landed on a free square.
You're not even supposed to be touching the dice.
Is fun, right? Yeah, right.
It sucks.
Not sucks.
Just flip the multiplier coin.
If it comes up red, you can try and roll double 8s.
Aah! This game makes no sense.
But the game made perfect sense.
It was marshal Susie who had not the brain power to grasp it.
That's not true.
All you need to do is cross two triple-power scores of greater value and you get a bonus word.
Words?! I thought this was a numbers game! Shut up, Brett.
Marshals, I don't think we're supposed to leave the safe house.
Put a cork in it, banjo.
We're going back to the office.
Maybe someone there will teach us how to play this stupid game! It's fun.
Ugh! You need double 8.
Roll the dice, Susie, but not the blue dice.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Oh, God.
Scribblers 8 is making me crazy.
What is that game? This game blows.
Not blows.
It's fun.
Well, maybe you should stick to stapling people's eyelids to their nutsacks.
Your game's a real stink box.
Don't hate the game.
Hate the scribbler.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Picking my new tiles.
In negative pickup rounds, your opponent picks the tiles.
[Bleep.]
You.
Oh, no.
It's happening again.
Again? Susan.
It's been far too long.
Uncle Avery.
Can I get you something to drink? Save the goof juice, Avery.
I'm only here because I need your help.
You know games.
What can you tell me about Scribblers 8? Scribblers 8? It's here? Checkmate.
Aah! Oh, my God! If you're watching this, I just slit my own throat, which means that Scribblers 8 has spread to America, a prospect too terrifying for me to bear.
Scribblers 8 was created by an African inventor, Martin Bunju.
He came to America to pitch this atrocious game on the hit show "Inventican Hero.
" But he was laughed out of the studio.
Humiliated, Bunju went back to Mubalo and entered politics.
He rose to power through peaceful democratic elections, eventually becoming a benevolent, progressive-minded president.
But he never forgot his real dream.
He made Scribblers 8 Mubalo's national pastime and purged the country of all other games.
It didn't take long for the whole country to spiral into an annoyance-induced orgy of bloodshed.
If you're watching this, heed my words -- Scribblers 8 is not fun.
Unh! Bunju's not evil at all.
It's the game.
That's right.
It'sthe game.
I'm too late.
No, no, no, no, no! No, no! Wait.
No, no, no.
Just wait.
Just wait, wait! Hey, get over here, will you? For some reason, Brett does not want to be murdered.
Yes, I do.
I'm pulling! We have to stop people from playing Scribblers 8! It's evil! For God's sake, look around! Yeah.
Okay, fine.
I'll talk toJobejo.
Where is he? They took him to be executed about 20 minutes ago.
What about his trial? I think they were going to try him in the van on the way to the firing squad.
Come on.
No.
It's not annoying.
It's a fun game.
Wait! Ah, marshals.
Come to join in the fun? Bunju, you killed the witnesses and the executioners? Wow.
Don't you see, Chris? Bunju didn't kill anyone.
He never has.
Liar! Oh, really? Strangle me.
Squeeze, Bunju, squeeze! Her neck is slippery.
Oh, cut it out.
It's the game that's evil! It's stupid and annoying, and it makes everyone kill each other.
Bunju's just a patsy.
Bunju, say it ain't so.
It's true, Chris.
Bunju not evil.
My whole life has been a lie.
But what about the blood baths? Just tomato juice, Chris.
Just tomato juice.
Of course.
Bunju is skunkproof.
Tomato juice is a skunk's worst enemy, and he's been bathing in it for years.
I just wanted to help people have fun.
- But it got bigger than me.
- Uh, what did? I did! Scribblers.
There's no use trying to stop me now, marshals.
I have already begun to spread.
Bunju, tell us how to end the game.
Marshal Susie, what makes Scribblers Have existed for thousands of years, manifesting in everything that is a pointless waste of time.
Mankind will soon be a memory.
The games will be all that remain.
Monopoly will play scattergories against checkers, and chute will lie down with ladder! Bunju?! Martin, it is time we become one and fulfill our destiny.
N-o-o-o-o! Y-e-e-e-es.
Just like in our deal that we worked out.
Bunju, Scribblers 8 is not fun! No board game is fun! Families just play board games so they don't have to talk to each other! Really? Not fun? Yes! This game sucks! Let's do something else! The words! He has said the seven words! - N-o-o-o-o-o-o-- - You have ended it, Brett By saying the words as written in the prophecy -- "This game sucks.
Let's do something else.
" Goodbye.
Bunju! Ah.
The skunks are back! The games ended, and there was peace throughout the world, even in Mubalo.
Families talked, friends stopped killing each other, and Bunju -- he ended up right where he belongs.
Checkmate.
Aah!