Empty Nest (1988) s02e11 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery one by one we fill the days we find a thousand different ways Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need Rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on good morning.
You're five minutes late.
Laverne, there were some Christmas carolers down in the lobby.
I stopped and joined them in a chorus of deck the halls.
Fa la la on your own time.
You got doctorin' to do.
Now Jay Babcock's momma called, he got into the nativity scene and swallowed a wise man.
Well, all right.
I'll call the pharmacy and see if we can help that wise man finish his "journey to the east" so to speak.
Exam room one, slight burn.
Oh? The horowitz boy singed himself on his menorah.
I respect their tradition, but those people are asking for trouble with eight candles.
Oh, and your trip to Vermont is all set.
Hotel and air, accommodations.
Laverne! You worked it out! All confirmed.
Your flight leaves Miami at 2:15.
Arrives Logan airport at 5:20.
Barbara is in row 12-window, Carol, row 26-aisle.
Wait, so Wait a minute.
They're not sitting together? Barbara likes to sit over the wing and feel the thrust of the engines.
Carol likes to sit in the rear.
Says it's the safest place, in case the plane breaks in two.
I'm here to serve, not to judge.
You know, I love this trip more every year.
The whole family together in Vermont.
I mean, horse-drawn sleighs, egg nogs, cozy little fires.
Yeah, it's a shame that Norman Rockwell fella passed away.
You'd have had yourself some magazine covers.
Now you say your daughter Emily's taking care of her own arrangements? Yeah, the airlines were all booked.
So she's driving up from college, and, uh, she'll join us on the 26th.
Your youngest ain't gonna be with you on Christmas day? That's like having all the Jacksons together except tito.
Laverne, this is the busiest travel week of the year.
You actually think you're gonna get her a flight? Do old people eat in cafeterias? Hello, this is Laverne Todd.
I'd like a flight.
If you put me on hold and play muzak you're a dead man.
Well, at least it's bing.
Honey, listen.
You did an incredible job putting this trip together.
And I've got a Christmas gift planned for you that's gonna knock you for a loop.
No gifts this year.
What? I told you after last Christmas.
Don't you read your memos? Laverne! I don't believe this.
All right, let me find a duplicate copy of it.
Never mind that.
It's Christmas.
We always exchange presents.
Not anymore.
This gift givin' thing's a-gettin' out of hand.
One year you get me a silk scarf, I get you a fruitcake.
You get me a leather handbag, I get you a fruitcake.
You get me a color TV, I get you a fruitcake.
So stop with the fruitcakes.
That's not the point.
I can't match your gifts, and lord knows I've tried.
Laverne, all right.
Don't get me anything.
But I wanna get you something.
Not this year.
Now we have an agreement, and I don't want you breaking it, no gift.
Hello, I didn't appreciate that little musical interlude.
Now I want a flight from New York to Boston.
With a connecting flight to stowe on the 24th.
Nothing available? Perhaps you didn't catch the name, Laverne Todd? You might remember me from the thanksgivin' incident of '86? Yeah, that's more like it.
I'll hold.
Uh, Laverne, exactly what happened at the Thanksgiving incident of '86? Well, let's just say there's a reservation agent named Wendy still goin' around on one of them baggage carousels.
Whoosh! Whoosh! Oui, Jean-Pierre.
I'm right behind you.
Oh, Carol.
We've been going to this lodge for three years, and you've never even left the lobby.
I know.
Whoosh! Carol, why don't you try skiing this year? Barbara, god knows I need thrills in my life.
But slush in my pants is not one of them.
Don't knock it.
It could be the highlight of your weekend.
You know something, Barbara? Sometimes I wish we could just spend an old-fashioned Christmas at home, like we used to when mom was alive.
I know, me too.
But I don't think daddy's ready for that.
I know, the closer we get to the holidays, the more frantic he is to get out of here.
Oh, I wish there was just some way to Barbara.
Uh, get that stain off gorbachev's head.
Good, Barbara.
Ladies, I just got off the phone with the ski lodge.
I have great news, Barbara.
They have six inches of new powder! Carol! They have new carpeting in the lounge! Ha ha! Oh, I can't wait! Man, this is gonna be terrific.
To see Emily, and have the whole family together.
Oh, daddy, let's bring dreyfuss this year.
Honey, I really would love to.
But he's gotta go to the kennel.
I don't blame him.
It's not fair.
Mom gave dreyfuss to us as a Christmas gift.
And now every Christmas we board him.
Dreyfuss if you think this guilt-inducing tactic is going to work, you have another Come on, dreyf.
Dreyf Dreyf Come on, I'll let you eat off my plate.
Come on.
Season's greetings, westons.
Can I borrow some stamps? - Sure, how many you need? - 200.
Charley, you want to borrow 200 stamps? I'm mailing out my Christmas cards.
Oh, here's yours.
All right.
Wait a minute.
This is a picture of our family.
Charley, how did you get in there? Oh, some clever airbrushing, and a ten-spot to your photographer.
Why would you do a thing like that? Look, it's Christmas.
And you know I don't get along with my own family.
I mean, you people are the closest thing to a family I have.
Daddy.
Look where his hand is.
Yeah, that cost me But hey, it's Christmas.
Okay, my sweet Julia.
Have a happy Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Well, that's the last patient till after holidays.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
It's all right, dear.
I'll file it away myself.
Don't waste your time checking my size.
We are not exchanging gifts this year.
Laverne, I really want to get you something for Christmas.
I am losing Patience with this gift givin' harassment.
Now we had an agreement.
No gifts, no way.
This conversation is over.
Besides, I've got some packin' to do if I'm gonna spend Christmas back home in hickory.
God, I'm looking forward to that.
Heh, I'm guessing colorful.
Well, pretty much your traditional Christmas.
Women in the kitchen, chit-chattin'.
Huddled around a Turkey, decidin' which one gets to wring its little neck.
Usually the honor goes to the eldest, which is kind of a pity since it often takes 'em four of five tries.
And you've got your men folk off to the parlor, smokin', chewin' tobacco.
While the young 'uns run around dodgin' spit.
Well, that's pretty much like what we've got planned.
And roundabout midnight, the house falls silent and the kids perk up, and we hear the sound of footsteps on the roof.
It's old tater Norton.
Ha-ha! Dressed up as Santa, huh? Nope, just up there countin' shingles again.
But I should mention that Santa thing to him.
At least one night a year he wouldn't be the town nut.
Come on, girls! Let's go.
Here, dreyf.
Your food.
Come on, let's go! Cab's gonna be here any minute now.
Laverne's got this thing planned down to the very second.
We miss this cab, dominoes fall from here to Vermont.
Dreyf, come on.
Don't look so sad, pal.
Look, think of it as a pet hotel instead of a kennel.
Dreyfuss, you know what that look does to me.
Come on, please? Come on, give me a smile.
Give me a smile.
Let me see it.
That's close enough.
Girls, ladies, come on! If you got any more luggage Though I don't know how that's possible.
Bring it down now.
Oh, it won't be long before I feel those engines thrusting.
Hang on, dear.
There's the cab! I'll get dreyfuss.
Come on.
Honey, please.
Let's go! Daddy, we can't leave yet.
I have to put on my face.
Carol, considering what you're taking, we don't have room in the cab for your face.
Daddy, Carol, come here.
All right.
Come on, let's go! Dreyfuss is gone.
He chewed through his leash.
All right, honey, he's gotta be around here somewhere.
Daddy, he's gone.
Darling, he's done this before.
But he never leaves the neighborhood.
It's just a matter of finding him.
In the next 30 seconds.
Daddy, what about the cab? Look, you guys go.
Have Christmas in Vermont.
Have a good time.
I'll find dreyfuss, I'll get there as soon as I can.
Go.
Daddy, that's crazy.
You know you can't get a flight.
I will be fine, dear.
Daddy, we're not going without you.
Absolutely not.
Well, then tell the cab to go.
Looks like we're spending Christmas at home this year.
Oh, dreyfuss.
Hi, Carol, honey.
It's me, I'm at the office now.
Any news on dreyf? Well, I posted signs on every pole from rossmoor to the medical center.
As of now, the two biggest attractions in town are dreyfuss and the grateful dead.
No, honey.
I'll come home looking for him, and I'll post some more signs and I'll be there.
Bye-bye, dear.
Well, I thought I might find you here.
You heard about dreyfuss? Saw the signs.
I'm sorry about your dog.
But on the other hand, I am excited the dead's coming to town.
Laverne, what are you doing here? My flight to hickory doesn't leave till 6:00.
I's hopin' to use the morning to get the office in order without the usual distractions.
You gon' be leaving soon, distraction? Yes, I'm heading home now.
I wanna be there in case somebody finds dreyfuss and comes to collect the reward.
Don't worry, that dog of yourn will show up.
I hope you're right, dear.
He's never been gone this long before.
Anyway, you have a good trip.
And a very happy, happy holiday.
Oh, wait a minute.
Before you go.
Merry Christmas.
What is that? Well, I's gonna federal express it to you in Vermont.
But since you're here and everything Laverne, this is a gift.
It's Christmas, ain't it? We had an agreement! There was no gift exchanging this year.
Open it up.
Oh Oh A wristwatch.
I had it permanently adjusted ten minutes ahead so you can never be late again.
Read the inscription.
"This is permanently adjusted ten minutes ahead so you can never be late again, Laverne.
" Laverne, we had a deal.
A pact.
You said absolutely no gifts.
Well, I obviously cared enough that our deal meant nothing to me.
Well, I got something for you too.
You did? It's in the car.
Take me about an hour to get it.
- Any sign? - No.
I keep asking myself, if I were a dog and I ran away, where would I go? Ooh, I know! First I'd go over to the Taylors' yard, and smell their fence.
Then I'd run over to the playground, because I like kids and they'd pet me.
And then I'd go over and get a drink of water out of the gutter because I probably would be thirsty, and then Barbara.
Down, girl.
So, any news on dreyf? No news.
But I think Barbara's due for a flea dip.
Hello? Yes, that's our ad.
You did? That's great! Do you know where we live? Okay, we'll be waiting.
What, what? I know what, but what? Dreyfuss, this guy found him down at the beach.
He'll be here in a couple of hours.
Oh, all right! This is so Wait a minute, hey, we could still put a trip together.
I mean, there's gotta be someplace that's not booked up.
On Christmas Eve? Besides, with dreyfuss coming back we can't just turn right around and put him in a kennel.
Yeah, I can imagine how he'd handle that.
First he probably Barbara.
You know, daddy.
I was just thinking.
Since dreyfuss is coming back, and it looks like we're spending Christmas at home, maybe we could get a tree or something.
What do you think? Uh, tree.
Uh Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I guess we could, uh, get a tree.
And we have all those ornaments up in the attic, I could bring those down.
Yeah, a couple of ornaments.
Ornaments, that's fine.
And daddy, you're okay with this? Sure, yes.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Uh, I'll go down to Henderson's lot and I'll pick up a tree.
Oh, good! It's going to be a good old fashioned Christmas at home.
Just like it used to be.
With a big fir tree pine.
Fir.
- Pine.
- Fir.
Yeah, just like it used to be.
No, no, Emily.
Emily, dear.
You just enjoy Vermont, all right? We love you! - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas, Emily! Merry Christmas, dear.
But we'll call you tomorrow.
All right, baby.
Bye.
Well, girls.
That's a nice tree, huh? Daddy, you remember when we were little and every year we used to go to the drug store and get you that really cheap Cologne because that's all we could afford with our allowance? That stuff was so awful.
I always pretended I loved it.
Oh, girls.
Look what I found.
Stockings.
Your mother was so good at this stuff.
Cutting out the felt and the stitching, and putting the little bows and sequins and all.
She put so much love and care into every little detail.
They are beautiful.
Well, daddy.
That's everything.
Everything but the final touch.
The angel.
Ah-ha-ha.
Oh, our angel.
Our old tree-topper.
Okay, here we go.
You know, I've never done this before? Your mother always did this.
Yeah.
Uh, sweetheart? Why don't you put it up there.
I like to watch it go up.
I can't.
You do it, Barbara.
I can't do it, either.
Hey, that's dreyfuss.
At least we're getting our dog back.
That's something to be happy about.
Come on, let's go.
Welcome home! Hey-hey! - Dreyfuss! - Dreyfuss! Hello.
I'm Mr.
ritter, I have your dog.
Where? Right here.
Dreyfuss, you're home.
Could I have my $250 reward, please? This is not dreyfuss.
Oh, sure it is.
Dreyfuss, you're home.
There they are, huh.
This isn't our dog.
Dreyfuss is a This is a 12-pound terrier.
Hey, he's been depressed.
Okay, I'll take $150.
This is not dreyfuss.
I cannot do this with dreyfuss.
This dog is not our dog.
It is the wrong breed, wrong size, wrong color.
Wrong sex.
Well, I can explain that.
You see Hey, merry Christmas.
You believe that guy? What a scuzzy thing to do on Christmas Eve.
I thought for sure we'd get dreyfuss back.
If I were dreyfuss, I would have come home by now.
This is the worst Christmas ever.
Come on.
Come on, come on.
Oh, girls.
This has been a rotten day.
And I think the best thing we can do is just pray that dreyfuss comes home, go to bed, and forget about Christmas.
Come on.
You sit around here and you spin your little webs, and you think the whole world revolves you and your money.
Well it doesn't, Mr.
Potter.
I hate you, Potter.
I've seen this film 47 times I hate you more every time.
Couldn't sleep, huh? No, I'm just watching it's a wonderful life.
Ooh, I hate that Mr.
Potter.
Sure, come on.
We'll hate him together here.
Mary, I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow, and the next day, and the next year, and a year after that.
I'm shaking the dust of this crummy little town off my feet, and I'm gonna see the world! Daddy, did you hear that? Dreyfuss! Oh, dreyfuss! Dreyfuss.
Been looking for you.
We were worried sick about you.
- Dreyfuss, dreyfuss.
- You've been gone three days.
No word, no explanation.
Now you come waltzing in here at 3:00 in the morning with drool on your face.
My god, I used to have this exact same conversation with my husband.
Hey, what's going on? Dreyf! Dreyf-a-roni! Yes! Yes, yes.
Oh, dreyf.
Daddy, I hope he's okay.
Oh, now wait.
All right, come on.
Let go, let go.
All right.
All right, dreyf.
Down, dreyf.
Beg, dreyf.
Go, dreyf.
He's fine! - Aah! - Aah! Such a good boy.
Dreyf.
What's the matter with you? Running away from home at Christmas? You don't run away from home on Christmas.
That's crazy.
That's what I've been doing, huh? I'm sorry, girls.
I I was just afraid to make Christmas at home without your mother here.
But the truth is, she's here.
And her angel.
Her stockings.
Dreyfuss.
You girls.
Come on, what do you say we give Christmas a shot? All right.
Come on, yeah.
Listen, I know how we start this.
Here we go.
You ready? There you go.
Get it up here.
Yay.
Oh! Oh, I forgot how beautiful she looked.
Oh, wait, wait! Okay, lights out.
And power on.
- Oh.
- Ah-hah-hah! Merry Christmas.
Honey.
- Merry Christmas, Barbara.
- Merry Christmas, Carol.
- Merry Christmas, daddy.
- Merry Christmas, daddy.
Well! All: Merry Christmas, dreyfuss! Come on in, girls.
Don't bother to wipe your feet.
'Cause I don't care about my carpets.
Ah, hah, hah, hah! You're supposed to be in Vermont.
Uh, the trip was canceled, Charley.
What are you doing here? We We We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas All: we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year Bum-bum-bum-ba-bum-bum All: and a happy new year Hello, dreyfuss!