Four Star Playhouse (1952) s02e11 Episode Script
The girl on the park bench
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
NARRATOR: "Singer Four Star Playhouse" presents Charles Boyer, Dick Powell, David Niven, Joan Fontaine.
Brought to you by your Singer Sewing Centers from coast to coast and the more than 32,000 members of the Singer organization who make, sell, and service Singer sewing machines for both industry and the home.
Remember, Singer sells its products and services for the home only through Singer Sewing Centers, identified by the famous red S trademark on the window.
Tonight on "Four Star Playhouse," Singer presents Joan Fontaine in "The Girl on the Park Bench.
" -Now, as you all know, the notice of our rent increase came in the mail exactly one day after the mayor of our city relaxed the rent controls.
I decided not to waste any time.
So I lodged an immediate protest with the manager of our building here.
And he agreed to contact the owner.
The owner of the building, if nothing else, has been prompt.
His answer came by special messenger an hour ago.
"Pay or get out.
" Pay or get out! -At least it's to the point.
-It doesn't leave much room for misinterpretation.
-I'm not surprised at all.
-Madeline! -Well, you showed it me before the meeting.
-Well? -Well? Why don't we pay up or get out? -Not on your life.
In the first place, this whole maneuver of the mayor's in getting out the rent controls is just a, a payoff for some of his political debts.
And in the second place, this old goat who owns this building, whoever and wherever he is, couldn't even wait for the smell of crooked politics to leave the air before he pounced in with both feet to get his disgraceful pound of rent.
Now naturally, none of us has the slightest intention of letting him get away with it.
So I thought we all ought to get together and, um, draft our outraged reply.
-Well, I've got to get to the market.
Thanks for inviting me.
It broke up the day nicely.
-But we've only just begun.
-Oh, heavens! I couldn't take any more time.
Anyway, we're always behind in our rent so it doesn't make much difference to us.
-Oh.
-And by the time we catch up, then the controls will probably be back on again.
Well, goodbye everyone.
-But what are we going to do? -I find the best procedures in cases like this is to keep your mouth shut.
-Oh, you doll! -Well, with the shortage of apartments, our landlord, that is the old goat as you prefer to call it, Miss Overmeyer, is holding all the aces.
I, for one, am going to pay up.
Between having a wife, three kids, and a couple of dogs, I simply can't get out.
-So if that's all, why don't we have a drink and get on to a subject of more general interest? -In my most pessimistic, it never occurred to me that I wouldn't have at least one of you on my side in this fight, identified of you who would stand up to this money grubbing landlord and tell him to go peddle his apartments.
You not only could, but undoubtedly would.
-All right.
The fact that I'm alone in this doesn't alter things in the slightest.
This rent increase is unbearable, intolerable, and completely un-American.
-Expensive, too.
-I am going to this mayor personally.
I am going to bid him in his vote-buying den.
And I'm going to tell him how crooked his administration is.
-Five will get you 1,500.
He can tell you how crooked it is, done to the last nickel.
-And then-- and then I shall give my answer to this miserable landlord of ours.
And I shall tell this blood-sucking old goat that I shall neither pay nor get.
I am off to see the mayor.
-We have another one of those outside, Mr.
Mayor.
-Oh no! I only managed to get two hours sleep this morning.
Find out what he wants? -It's a she.
A very trim and lovely she.
-Well, that's a little better.
-Trim or not, the fire of the true reformer blazes brightly in her eyes.
-I know the type.
They never come in and ask you whether or not you're crooked.
They just come in and tell who you are.
-And are you? -No.
But it would ruin her entire day if she ever found that out.
-Shall I send her away? -If she's really one of those, what good would it do? No.
Let's get it over with.
I wonder what would happen if I admitted everything she's going to accuse me of? -His Honor will see you now, Miss Overmeyer.
-I think it's only fair to tell you at once that if there's a recall movement around, I'm going to join it.
And if there isn't, I'm going to start one.
-Now how would you like it if somebody came busting into your house and said something like that to you? -If I remember one of your campaign promises, it was that the door of your office would always be open to citizens of this city.
-So that's what you are! A sneaky type of girl who remembers campaign promises.
-I not only remember them, but I burn them in my very fine memory.
And another promise that you have conveniently forgotten was that you would stop at nothing to hold the line on the rising cost of living.
Well, do nothing seems to be the point at which you stop, Mr.
Mayor? -Where were you when I needed speakers during the last election? -Studying law at night and taking down everything you said on the radio for future reference.
-What exactly is bothering you, Miss Overmeyer.
-A little notice from my landlord ordering me to either pay 30% more rent or, as he so gallantly puts it, get out.
-And what is it that you want to do? -Put the rent control back on.
-Oh, no.
The wealthy landlords who contributed thousands of dollars to my crooked campaign fund would never stand for it.
-I suppose you think I think you're kidding.
-Well, as long as I have to listen to drivel like that, I might as well enjoy the sound of my own voice.
-Don't be too sure, one, that the sound of your voice is enjoyable and, two, that I'm talking drivel.
-You're pretty fast on your feet, young lady.
-And you will find, should the occasion arise, in more ways than one.
-Well, it won't arise at this time, due to my rather prominent position in the public eye.
-A position in that eye side-by-side with many other clinkers and an overabundance of soot, which you also promised to get rid of in your campaign.
-Young lady, to get back to your silly point about controls, the war's over and also the necessity for all controls.
-That's your opinion.
-Yes.
I'm fairly sure it was.
At least I've been using it as if it were mine.
[CHUCKLES.]
-Well, in spite of the fact I'd think we do great in vaudeville, you either reimpose the rent controls or, uh, I'll get on with my next stop.
-Which is, I trust, to pay up or get out.
-Oh, I'll get out of my apartment, all right, Mr.
Mayor, but not very far.
-I don't like the sound of this.
-Nor will you like it any better when I tell you that I'm going to move smack into the city park, and set up light housekeeping, and hold countless press conferences regarding your qualifications as mayor.
-My infallible instincts tell me I'd better take time to think this over.
-Time is something you'll get not one wit of.
Either act like a good, honest little mayor or expect the immediate opening of hostilities.
-Fire away, honey.
I've just decided that I'm becoming overly alarmed about you.
Probably just something I had for lunch.
-Those martinis can do it to you.
All right, Mr.
Mayor.
In case you're wondering about your part in this drama, I'll be pitching and you will be caching for the next few days.
Any questions? -Was it a miserable love affair that got you this way? -No, Mr.
Mayor.
My lovable, darling personality is just the result of never ceasing to try.
Good day! -Suddenly, I don't think it is at all.
[CAMERA CLICKING.]
-Got a light? Well, boys, you just ask the questions.
And then I'll make a statement to cover anything you may have missed.
-Well, do you think this little stunt of yours will eventually lead to the White House? -Young man, if you'll pardon me for stretching that point, I don't think it's too improbable that the President might want to decorate me if I help clean up this political fever spot.
-What do you think you're going to accomplish by living here in the park.
-Well, I have a few things to say about the city administration.
And if I say them from here, they'll get in the paper.
You see, I happen to photograph fairly well against an outdoor setting.
-Do you think you qualify as an expert on city government just because somebody raised your rent? -I would be glad to prove my qualifications by debating you on any phase of government you name.
-Oh no.
Not me lady.
I'm just an uninformed sportswriter who happened to be in the city room when they were looking around for a patsy to send down here.
-Would you rather discuss batting averages? [LAUGHTER.]
-Oh, Ted Williams? -414 as of yesterday.
Anything else? -What's your position on dinner dates? -Oh, I think they're are a lot cheaper than eating alone.
-Well, how about tonight? -It's all right with me, honey, if you think you can afford both your wife and me on your shaky salary.
-Is it that obvious? -You have all the tattered, beaten qualities of a happily married man.
-Well, uh, [CLEARS THROAT.]
how about me? I'm single.
-And it's not hard to figure out why.
-Ooh.
That was a low blow.
-Well, you may be all right at that, honey.
-For a fairly intelligent looking man, it took you long enough to arrive at that.
-Do you really intend to sleep in the park? -Well, I had intended to sleep here.
But that look in your eye unsettles me a little.
What does your wife think about that look in your eye? -It's been a long, long time since she's seen it, honey.
-Well, boys, I'd like to spar with you all day.
But I'd also like to hit the early edition so, um, sharpen up your ballpoint pens and if you have any questions, just speak up.
- SECRETARY (ON INTERCOM): Yes, sir? -Have you located the city attorney? SECRETARY (ON INTERCOM): He just came through the door.
I'll send him right in.
-Sorry, your honor, I-- I was out having sort of a second breakfast.
-Hm? Well, I always approve members of my administration stuffing themselves while the stuffing is good.
The next election could leave us all cold and hungry.
Just the front page.
You can read the funnies later.
-Nice looking girl.
-And to think how close I came to not having you on my ticket.
Then I never would have known that.
-Something about this girl you want me to handle? -I'd reconstruct that sentence if I were you.
And yes, there is! That girl's making a fool of me.
And I left myself wide open for that on purpose, just to see if you dare and try and be funny.
Now you can speak.
-All right.
What is it you want me to do? -Get her out of that park before she ruins us.
She's saying things that are not only libelous but very possibly true! -Well, isn't that a job for the police department? -I don't think it's a good idea to bombard the police with straight facts about the government.
It might start them wondering.
-All right.
I'll go down and have a talk with her.
-That remark stamps you as the most over-optimistic idiot in city government today.
You'll never get a word in.
-Well, we'll see about that.
-There's something about a smug lawyer going in the battle that always brings out my sympathies for the other side.
-I'll handle it, your honor.
-Either that, or you'll move your law diploma over to the opposing party's headquarters.
Report your progress if you notice any.
SECRETARY (ON INTERCOM): Yes, sir? -Give me that list of possible replacements for the city attorney's office.
[BACON SIZZLING.]
-If you've come about the census, there's only me.
-Miss Overmeyer, may I say that the sight of you cooking eggs in the fresh morning air rivals any of the pitiful attempts ever made by the Great Masters? -Hm.
Another one of those.
-No, Miss Overmeyer, not another one of those but a man who having set eyes on you but once feels that his eyes are traitor to the cause for never having set on you sooner.
-Of all the contrived guff! -I see you're not used to the old-fashioned approach, Miss Overmeyer.
-There's a wide difference between old-fashioned and corny.
-Are you doing all this to show off for the newspapers? Or would you cook like this after you're married.
-What I will or won't do after my marriage may be of concern to an outsider, but will only be known to my husband.
-Oh, fortunate fellow.
-You happen to be saying a multiple.
That well-rehearsed pose of yours with your foot on the bench and every hair in place suggests that you had some reason for coming here.
-An unhappy reason, alas.
-What's unhappy about it? -Well, I happen to represent the powers that be.
And it's my sad duty to pass the word on to you that either you give up camping in this park or you'll be descended upon like a ton of bricks.
-By what? -The full force of a wrathful society.
As the attorney for the city and all of its parks, I'm going to give it to you straight, pack up or get acquainted with our penal system.
-You don't look like my idea of a city attorney.
-Well, legally, I'll do until your conception comes along.
Why don't you get your things together, Miss Overmeyer.
And we can move you into to a nice exorbitantly priced apartment and you can cook meat, sort of, a housewarming dinner.
-With an approach like that, you can only be unmarried.
-A point, I'm sure, that's had you barbecuing on a spit of uncertainty.
Relax.
I am.
-No, Mr.
Williams.
That question has hardly been ripping me into frantic shreds.
-Oh, you know my name.
-I have it down in my book for possible impeachment.
Go back to that laugh-a-minute mayor of ours and tell him that bribes are cheap.
I like it here in this park.
And I will stay anywhere I like.
-Oh, I'll run and do just that.
Then I'll try and talk him out of the order he'll issue, which will probably keep you out of this type of fresh air for about six months.
-What will be the charge? -Vagrancy or anything else unpleasant he might think of.
-That type of thinking won't tax him at all.
Goodbye, Mr.
Williams, I'm sorry to tear you away from your graft.
-That's quite all right, Miss Overmeyer.
I never graft on Thursdays anyway.
You're sure you want to go to jail? -Hm.
The possibility of that is so remote that it's funny.
-All right.
We'll continue our little conversation in any remote, funny jail of your own choice.
-Just try it, Mr.
Williams.
Just pull your inadequate courage together and try it.
You are aware, of course, of the full implications of false arrest? -Only too well.
The questions to that almost flunked me out of law school twice.
-And not only those simple questions, I'm sure.
When is my trial? -Tomorrow.
Unless you'd like to throw yourself on my mercy and walk out of this cold cell into a nice, warm nightclub.
-The cell for the juvenile delinquent girls is over there.
They might find you attractive but I'll lay long odds on that.
-Will I have to report back to the mayor that you still remained unmoved and appreciative of his warm and generous offer of leniency? -Advise your mayor that he'd better not get too settled in that office of his because moving day is closer than he thinks.
-Trudy, this is a terrible way to start a marriage.
-I thought from that defeated look you've been wearing lately that you've been probably regarding me in that light.
-Well? -George, believe me.
You wouldn't want me around for a lifetime reminding you of the terrible beating you're going to get in court tomorrow.
-Well, if that's all-- -And believe me, George, I wouldn't want you around with your ears all pinned back the way they're going to be.
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-There's something about your attitude indicates you underestimate the situation and we're probably on our way out.
Or more horribly, in.
-What's there to underestimate about a simple case of vagrancy? The girl's obviously going to court armed with nothing but her good looks, which would have been plenty if she hadn't gotten old Bad Eyes Johnson as her judge.
-Well, just in the event that you haven't prepared your case sufficiently or that for some reason Old Bad Eyes Johnson should become Old Good Eyes Johnson, I want to paint a bleak picture of your political future in this state.
That girl has hit me where it hurts, right in the newspapers.
Either I get her today in court or she's liable to emerge from this thing big enough to throw a large and complete book at us.
The sight of you wallowing in self confidence has a tendency to make me believe all the wretched things I've read about my official family.
-Will you be in court? -There.
And drawing a careful bead on the soft, unprotected part of your political back.
[PEOPLE MURMURING.]
[GAVEL BANGING.]
-Everybody rise.
This court is now in session.
The honorable Judge B D Johnson presiding.
-Be seated.
BAILIFF: First case, Overmeyer vs the city.
-I represent the prosecution, your honor.
[GRUMBLES.]
-I will defend myself, your honor.
-Never occurred to you that Old Bad Eyes would grow glasses of the sound of that girlish voice, did it? -Well, this seems to be a relatively simple case.
It's certainly one not calling for any dazzling, legalistic displays.
Now the charge of vagrancy.
What does the defendant plead? -Not guilty, your honor.
Not only not guilty, your honor, but the victim of a cruel and deliberate persecution by a crooked political machine.
JUDGE: Oh dear.
Hasn't the prosecution got something to say in defense of the crooked political body? -Your honor, I have a feeling that the defendant, finding herself with only a stunning but not a very legal leg to stand on, will do everything but call in the United Nations to spare herself this rap.
-Your honor, my opponent, a disarming but boppish young man had better stick to his badly prepared case rather than try to trade quips with me.
I'm afraid I'd murder him in that as well as every other department.
-I'll spare the defense the necessity of proving that as I'd like to get out to the ball game.
-A past time which would be more entertaining than what's about to happen to him here.
-Hm.
If either of you feel that I'm in the way, I hope you won't be shy about telling me.
But I'd like to remind the playful pair that contempt, when handled by a competent and irritated judge, can be most highly unamusing.
Now let's get on with this little farce.
On what do you base your defense? -Is your honor conversant with Section 647 of the penal code? -I probably am but I wouldn't care to be called upon to recite it word for word at this particular moment.
-Well, then let me refresh your honor's memory.
"Vagrants, defined, penalty one, every person, parentheses except an American Indian, parenthesis.
" -Yes, yes.
Young lady, go on.
Go on.
-The defense rests.
-And on what does the defense rest if, uh, if I may not be misunderstood by putting it that way? -On the specific exclusion of an American Indian from the vagrancy law.
-And how does that apply to the defendant? She doesn't appear to be an Indian.
-Then his honor should brush up on his Indian law because I happen to have more than enough Indian blood to qualify under this code.
-I object, your honor.
-Huh.
I wondered what happened to you.
What do you base your objection on? -Subterfuge, obscure tactics-- -Insufficient preparation! -Silence! Does the defendant have valid proof of her claim? Bailiff, examine the documents.
-It's ridiculous of the bench to think of allowing such a ridiculous claim! -The bench will decide whether the bench is ridiculous or not.
And it has decided that it doesn't it is.
-This state holds no future for you, George.
That is no future except one filled with poverty and disgrace.
Leave the country.
Change your name.
Even the opposition wouldn't have you now.
-This seems to be in order, your honor.
[GAVEL BANGING.]
-Case dismissed.
-Well, Mr.
Mayor, that was round one.
Look forward to the next nine with horror.
-Gentlemen, what can I say? Free drinks for everyone at the nearest pub.
-I could us a drink.
And I'm sure the gentlemen of the press will be more sympathetic to what I have to say while half loaded.
-You are really a terrible girl.
-Only in politics.
You'd find me great fun an a beach party.
Oh.
I hope you haven't come here on any wretched sort of sportsmanlike gesture.
-Where else can I go with my ears pinned back like this? -Back to law school.
George, um, what happened between you and the mayor? -Well, he tied a can to my political ambitions and brushed me off with a look of sheer hatred.
-George, what are your political ambitions? -Well, eventually, state's attorney.
But-- -George, the mayor will be most horrified to learn that I happen to look upon you most favorably as possible husband material.
-How can you make something so wonderful sound like a court decision? -I'm holding you off because there's something that has to be done before we get on this other thing you're thinking about.
George, you march right into the mayor's office.
And you tell him about us.
And then him since I have a happy prospect of being married in the near future, that I may want more park space from now on.
As a matter of fact, you go get him and I will tell him.
-You just shut your sweet little political mouth.
-Should I plan on your hacking around in my life for any considerable period of time? -For your sake, I hope not.
-Hm.
What do you want to marry for anyhow? -I think you're a little too old to be explaining that to him.
-Would you still be interested in him if I told you that he was the owner of your apartment house? That he was the blood-sucking old goat you've been yelling around about? -I've known that for two days.
Isn't it fortunate that I happen to be in love with a man of property? -You knew? -And I want to go on record that I am not joining the opposition.
-I have only your word for it that you're fun on a beach picnic.
You're murder every place else.
I know that.
-I take that as you meant it, as a complement.
-Now, when are you getting out of my park? -Only when you realize what a sterling, talented man George is and reinstate him with, of course, your promise that you'll keep your eye on him in the future for possible advancement.
-I'm forced to back down in the face of your foul tactics.
-Thank you! And now, you will take us down to your office, issue a special license, and marry us.
-I get all the good jobs, don't I? -I agree to this only if you'll promise never to invite me to your home for dinner.
-Oh, nonsense.
I've got great plans for the three of us.
I'm going to make a governor out of you and the state's attorney out of George.
Come along, George.
Don't keep the governor waiting.
NARRATOR: Your star, Joan Fontaine, will return in just a moment.
JOAN FONTAINE (VOICEOVER): Oh, what a wonderful Christmas with a real Singer sewing machine just like mommy's and all her very own.
Yes, a real sewing machine.
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Comes in a choice of colors-- blue, red, or black.
It's sold only at your Singer Sewing Center.
So stop in and reserve one for your little girl.
-It was a pleasure having you with us tonight as guests of the 32,000 members of the Singer organization.
And we hope you enjoyed our play.
And now let us give you a preview of next week's production on the "Singer Four Star Playhouse.
" -There is a policy in this town-- no outside doctors.
-Whose policy? -Doctor, we are a very ancient town.
We had beliefs and customs that might not make sense to somebody from the outside world.
-What's the matter with you people? It's your fear of Antonio Correll that keeps me from helping you.
I've studied the medical histories of the world.
And I tell you, there cannot be such a man.
It's your fear that keeps you in rags, and in filth, and in ignorance.
It's killing, crippling your children.
Don't you know that? You're cowards! You're crawling cowards! [GASPS.]
-What's wrong? -My father.
-Yes? -Something has happened to him.
Our house is marked for death.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
NARRATOR: "Singer Four Star Playhouse" presents Charles Boyer, Dick Powell, David Niven, Joan Fontaine.
Brought to you by your Singer Sewing Centers from coast to coast and the more than 32,000 members of the Singer organization who make, sell, and service Singer sewing machines for both industry and the home.
Remember, Singer sells its products and services for the home only through Singer Sewing Centers, identified by the famous red S trademark on the window.
Tonight on "Four Star Playhouse," Singer presents Joan Fontaine in "The Girl on the Park Bench.
" -Now, as you all know, the notice of our rent increase came in the mail exactly one day after the mayor of our city relaxed the rent controls.
I decided not to waste any time.
So I lodged an immediate protest with the manager of our building here.
And he agreed to contact the owner.
The owner of the building, if nothing else, has been prompt.
His answer came by special messenger an hour ago.
"Pay or get out.
" Pay or get out! -At least it's to the point.
-It doesn't leave much room for misinterpretation.
-I'm not surprised at all.
-Madeline! -Well, you showed it me before the meeting.
-Well? -Well? Why don't we pay up or get out? -Not on your life.
In the first place, this whole maneuver of the mayor's in getting out the rent controls is just a, a payoff for some of his political debts.
And in the second place, this old goat who owns this building, whoever and wherever he is, couldn't even wait for the smell of crooked politics to leave the air before he pounced in with both feet to get his disgraceful pound of rent.
Now naturally, none of us has the slightest intention of letting him get away with it.
So I thought we all ought to get together and, um, draft our outraged reply.
-Well, I've got to get to the market.
Thanks for inviting me.
It broke up the day nicely.
-But we've only just begun.
-Oh, heavens! I couldn't take any more time.
Anyway, we're always behind in our rent so it doesn't make much difference to us.
-Oh.
-And by the time we catch up, then the controls will probably be back on again.
Well, goodbye everyone.
-But what are we going to do? -I find the best procedures in cases like this is to keep your mouth shut.
-Oh, you doll! -Well, with the shortage of apartments, our landlord, that is the old goat as you prefer to call it, Miss Overmeyer, is holding all the aces.
I, for one, am going to pay up.
Between having a wife, three kids, and a couple of dogs, I simply can't get out.
-So if that's all, why don't we have a drink and get on to a subject of more general interest? -In my most pessimistic, it never occurred to me that I wouldn't have at least one of you on my side in this fight, identified of you who would stand up to this money grubbing landlord and tell him to go peddle his apartments.
You not only could, but undoubtedly would.
-All right.
The fact that I'm alone in this doesn't alter things in the slightest.
This rent increase is unbearable, intolerable, and completely un-American.
-Expensive, too.
-I am going to this mayor personally.
I am going to bid him in his vote-buying den.
And I'm going to tell him how crooked his administration is.
-Five will get you 1,500.
He can tell you how crooked it is, done to the last nickel.
-And then-- and then I shall give my answer to this miserable landlord of ours.
And I shall tell this blood-sucking old goat that I shall neither pay nor get.
I am off to see the mayor.
-We have another one of those outside, Mr.
Mayor.
-Oh no! I only managed to get two hours sleep this morning.
Find out what he wants? -It's a she.
A very trim and lovely she.
-Well, that's a little better.
-Trim or not, the fire of the true reformer blazes brightly in her eyes.
-I know the type.
They never come in and ask you whether or not you're crooked.
They just come in and tell who you are.
-And are you? -No.
But it would ruin her entire day if she ever found that out.
-Shall I send her away? -If she's really one of those, what good would it do? No.
Let's get it over with.
I wonder what would happen if I admitted everything she's going to accuse me of? -His Honor will see you now, Miss Overmeyer.
-I think it's only fair to tell you at once that if there's a recall movement around, I'm going to join it.
And if there isn't, I'm going to start one.
-Now how would you like it if somebody came busting into your house and said something like that to you? -If I remember one of your campaign promises, it was that the door of your office would always be open to citizens of this city.
-So that's what you are! A sneaky type of girl who remembers campaign promises.
-I not only remember them, but I burn them in my very fine memory.
And another promise that you have conveniently forgotten was that you would stop at nothing to hold the line on the rising cost of living.
Well, do nothing seems to be the point at which you stop, Mr.
Mayor? -Where were you when I needed speakers during the last election? -Studying law at night and taking down everything you said on the radio for future reference.
-What exactly is bothering you, Miss Overmeyer.
-A little notice from my landlord ordering me to either pay 30% more rent or, as he so gallantly puts it, get out.
-And what is it that you want to do? -Put the rent control back on.
-Oh, no.
The wealthy landlords who contributed thousands of dollars to my crooked campaign fund would never stand for it.
-I suppose you think I think you're kidding.
-Well, as long as I have to listen to drivel like that, I might as well enjoy the sound of my own voice.
-Don't be too sure, one, that the sound of your voice is enjoyable and, two, that I'm talking drivel.
-You're pretty fast on your feet, young lady.
-And you will find, should the occasion arise, in more ways than one.
-Well, it won't arise at this time, due to my rather prominent position in the public eye.
-A position in that eye side-by-side with many other clinkers and an overabundance of soot, which you also promised to get rid of in your campaign.
-Young lady, to get back to your silly point about controls, the war's over and also the necessity for all controls.
-That's your opinion.
-Yes.
I'm fairly sure it was.
At least I've been using it as if it were mine.
[CHUCKLES.]
-Well, in spite of the fact I'd think we do great in vaudeville, you either reimpose the rent controls or, uh, I'll get on with my next stop.
-Which is, I trust, to pay up or get out.
-Oh, I'll get out of my apartment, all right, Mr.
Mayor, but not very far.
-I don't like the sound of this.
-Nor will you like it any better when I tell you that I'm going to move smack into the city park, and set up light housekeeping, and hold countless press conferences regarding your qualifications as mayor.
-My infallible instincts tell me I'd better take time to think this over.
-Time is something you'll get not one wit of.
Either act like a good, honest little mayor or expect the immediate opening of hostilities.
-Fire away, honey.
I've just decided that I'm becoming overly alarmed about you.
Probably just something I had for lunch.
-Those martinis can do it to you.
All right, Mr.
Mayor.
In case you're wondering about your part in this drama, I'll be pitching and you will be caching for the next few days.
Any questions? -Was it a miserable love affair that got you this way? -No, Mr.
Mayor.
My lovable, darling personality is just the result of never ceasing to try.
Good day! -Suddenly, I don't think it is at all.
[CAMERA CLICKING.]
-Got a light? Well, boys, you just ask the questions.
And then I'll make a statement to cover anything you may have missed.
-Well, do you think this little stunt of yours will eventually lead to the White House? -Young man, if you'll pardon me for stretching that point, I don't think it's too improbable that the President might want to decorate me if I help clean up this political fever spot.
-What do you think you're going to accomplish by living here in the park.
-Well, I have a few things to say about the city administration.
And if I say them from here, they'll get in the paper.
You see, I happen to photograph fairly well against an outdoor setting.
-Do you think you qualify as an expert on city government just because somebody raised your rent? -I would be glad to prove my qualifications by debating you on any phase of government you name.
-Oh no.
Not me lady.
I'm just an uninformed sportswriter who happened to be in the city room when they were looking around for a patsy to send down here.
-Would you rather discuss batting averages? [LAUGHTER.]
-Oh, Ted Williams? -414 as of yesterday.
Anything else? -What's your position on dinner dates? -Oh, I think they're are a lot cheaper than eating alone.
-Well, how about tonight? -It's all right with me, honey, if you think you can afford both your wife and me on your shaky salary.
-Is it that obvious? -You have all the tattered, beaten qualities of a happily married man.
-Well, uh, [CLEARS THROAT.]
how about me? I'm single.
-And it's not hard to figure out why.
-Ooh.
That was a low blow.
-Well, you may be all right at that, honey.
-For a fairly intelligent looking man, it took you long enough to arrive at that.
-Do you really intend to sleep in the park? -Well, I had intended to sleep here.
But that look in your eye unsettles me a little.
What does your wife think about that look in your eye? -It's been a long, long time since she's seen it, honey.
-Well, boys, I'd like to spar with you all day.
But I'd also like to hit the early edition so, um, sharpen up your ballpoint pens and if you have any questions, just speak up.
- SECRETARY (ON INTERCOM): Yes, sir? -Have you located the city attorney? SECRETARY (ON INTERCOM): He just came through the door.
I'll send him right in.
-Sorry, your honor, I-- I was out having sort of a second breakfast.
-Hm? Well, I always approve members of my administration stuffing themselves while the stuffing is good.
The next election could leave us all cold and hungry.
Just the front page.
You can read the funnies later.
-Nice looking girl.
-And to think how close I came to not having you on my ticket.
Then I never would have known that.
-Something about this girl you want me to handle? -I'd reconstruct that sentence if I were you.
And yes, there is! That girl's making a fool of me.
And I left myself wide open for that on purpose, just to see if you dare and try and be funny.
Now you can speak.
-All right.
What is it you want me to do? -Get her out of that park before she ruins us.
She's saying things that are not only libelous but very possibly true! -Well, isn't that a job for the police department? -I don't think it's a good idea to bombard the police with straight facts about the government.
It might start them wondering.
-All right.
I'll go down and have a talk with her.
-That remark stamps you as the most over-optimistic idiot in city government today.
You'll never get a word in.
-Well, we'll see about that.
-There's something about a smug lawyer going in the battle that always brings out my sympathies for the other side.
-I'll handle it, your honor.
-Either that, or you'll move your law diploma over to the opposing party's headquarters.
Report your progress if you notice any.
SECRETARY (ON INTERCOM): Yes, sir? -Give me that list of possible replacements for the city attorney's office.
[BACON SIZZLING.]
-If you've come about the census, there's only me.
-Miss Overmeyer, may I say that the sight of you cooking eggs in the fresh morning air rivals any of the pitiful attempts ever made by the Great Masters? -Hm.
Another one of those.
-No, Miss Overmeyer, not another one of those but a man who having set eyes on you but once feels that his eyes are traitor to the cause for never having set on you sooner.
-Of all the contrived guff! -I see you're not used to the old-fashioned approach, Miss Overmeyer.
-There's a wide difference between old-fashioned and corny.
-Are you doing all this to show off for the newspapers? Or would you cook like this after you're married.
-What I will or won't do after my marriage may be of concern to an outsider, but will only be known to my husband.
-Oh, fortunate fellow.
-You happen to be saying a multiple.
That well-rehearsed pose of yours with your foot on the bench and every hair in place suggests that you had some reason for coming here.
-An unhappy reason, alas.
-What's unhappy about it? -Well, I happen to represent the powers that be.
And it's my sad duty to pass the word on to you that either you give up camping in this park or you'll be descended upon like a ton of bricks.
-By what? -The full force of a wrathful society.
As the attorney for the city and all of its parks, I'm going to give it to you straight, pack up or get acquainted with our penal system.
-You don't look like my idea of a city attorney.
-Well, legally, I'll do until your conception comes along.
Why don't you get your things together, Miss Overmeyer.
And we can move you into to a nice exorbitantly priced apartment and you can cook meat, sort of, a housewarming dinner.
-With an approach like that, you can only be unmarried.
-A point, I'm sure, that's had you barbecuing on a spit of uncertainty.
Relax.
I am.
-No, Mr.
Williams.
That question has hardly been ripping me into frantic shreds.
-Oh, you know my name.
-I have it down in my book for possible impeachment.
Go back to that laugh-a-minute mayor of ours and tell him that bribes are cheap.
I like it here in this park.
And I will stay anywhere I like.
-Oh, I'll run and do just that.
Then I'll try and talk him out of the order he'll issue, which will probably keep you out of this type of fresh air for about six months.
-What will be the charge? -Vagrancy or anything else unpleasant he might think of.
-That type of thinking won't tax him at all.
Goodbye, Mr.
Williams, I'm sorry to tear you away from your graft.
-That's quite all right, Miss Overmeyer.
I never graft on Thursdays anyway.
You're sure you want to go to jail? -Hm.
The possibility of that is so remote that it's funny.
-All right.
We'll continue our little conversation in any remote, funny jail of your own choice.
-Just try it, Mr.
Williams.
Just pull your inadequate courage together and try it.
You are aware, of course, of the full implications of false arrest? -Only too well.
The questions to that almost flunked me out of law school twice.
-And not only those simple questions, I'm sure.
When is my trial? -Tomorrow.
Unless you'd like to throw yourself on my mercy and walk out of this cold cell into a nice, warm nightclub.
-The cell for the juvenile delinquent girls is over there.
They might find you attractive but I'll lay long odds on that.
-Will I have to report back to the mayor that you still remained unmoved and appreciative of his warm and generous offer of leniency? -Advise your mayor that he'd better not get too settled in that office of his because moving day is closer than he thinks.
-Trudy, this is a terrible way to start a marriage.
-I thought from that defeated look you've been wearing lately that you've been probably regarding me in that light.
-Well? -George, believe me.
You wouldn't want me around for a lifetime reminding you of the terrible beating you're going to get in court tomorrow.
-Well, if that's all-- -And believe me, George, I wouldn't want you around with your ears all pinned back the way they're going to be.
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-There's something about your attitude indicates you underestimate the situation and we're probably on our way out.
Or more horribly, in.
-What's there to underestimate about a simple case of vagrancy? The girl's obviously going to court armed with nothing but her good looks, which would have been plenty if she hadn't gotten old Bad Eyes Johnson as her judge.
-Well, just in the event that you haven't prepared your case sufficiently or that for some reason Old Bad Eyes Johnson should become Old Good Eyes Johnson, I want to paint a bleak picture of your political future in this state.
That girl has hit me where it hurts, right in the newspapers.
Either I get her today in court or she's liable to emerge from this thing big enough to throw a large and complete book at us.
The sight of you wallowing in self confidence has a tendency to make me believe all the wretched things I've read about my official family.
-Will you be in court? -There.
And drawing a careful bead on the soft, unprotected part of your political back.
[PEOPLE MURMURING.]
[GAVEL BANGING.]
-Everybody rise.
This court is now in session.
The honorable Judge B D Johnson presiding.
-Be seated.
BAILIFF: First case, Overmeyer vs the city.
-I represent the prosecution, your honor.
[GRUMBLES.]
-I will defend myself, your honor.
-Never occurred to you that Old Bad Eyes would grow glasses of the sound of that girlish voice, did it? -Well, this seems to be a relatively simple case.
It's certainly one not calling for any dazzling, legalistic displays.
Now the charge of vagrancy.
What does the defendant plead? -Not guilty, your honor.
Not only not guilty, your honor, but the victim of a cruel and deliberate persecution by a crooked political machine.
JUDGE: Oh dear.
Hasn't the prosecution got something to say in defense of the crooked political body? -Your honor, I have a feeling that the defendant, finding herself with only a stunning but not a very legal leg to stand on, will do everything but call in the United Nations to spare herself this rap.
-Your honor, my opponent, a disarming but boppish young man had better stick to his badly prepared case rather than try to trade quips with me.
I'm afraid I'd murder him in that as well as every other department.
-I'll spare the defense the necessity of proving that as I'd like to get out to the ball game.
-A past time which would be more entertaining than what's about to happen to him here.
-Hm.
If either of you feel that I'm in the way, I hope you won't be shy about telling me.
But I'd like to remind the playful pair that contempt, when handled by a competent and irritated judge, can be most highly unamusing.
Now let's get on with this little farce.
On what do you base your defense? -Is your honor conversant with Section 647 of the penal code? -I probably am but I wouldn't care to be called upon to recite it word for word at this particular moment.
-Well, then let me refresh your honor's memory.
"Vagrants, defined, penalty one, every person, parentheses except an American Indian, parenthesis.
" -Yes, yes.
Young lady, go on.
Go on.
-The defense rests.
-And on what does the defense rest if, uh, if I may not be misunderstood by putting it that way? -On the specific exclusion of an American Indian from the vagrancy law.
-And how does that apply to the defendant? She doesn't appear to be an Indian.
-Then his honor should brush up on his Indian law because I happen to have more than enough Indian blood to qualify under this code.
-I object, your honor.
-Huh.
I wondered what happened to you.
What do you base your objection on? -Subterfuge, obscure tactics-- -Insufficient preparation! -Silence! Does the defendant have valid proof of her claim? Bailiff, examine the documents.
-It's ridiculous of the bench to think of allowing such a ridiculous claim! -The bench will decide whether the bench is ridiculous or not.
And it has decided that it doesn't it is.
-This state holds no future for you, George.
That is no future except one filled with poverty and disgrace.
Leave the country.
Change your name.
Even the opposition wouldn't have you now.
-This seems to be in order, your honor.
[GAVEL BANGING.]
-Case dismissed.
-Well, Mr.
Mayor, that was round one.
Look forward to the next nine with horror.
-Gentlemen, what can I say? Free drinks for everyone at the nearest pub.
-I could us a drink.
And I'm sure the gentlemen of the press will be more sympathetic to what I have to say while half loaded.
-You are really a terrible girl.
-Only in politics.
You'd find me great fun an a beach party.
Oh.
I hope you haven't come here on any wretched sort of sportsmanlike gesture.
-Where else can I go with my ears pinned back like this? -Back to law school.
George, um, what happened between you and the mayor? -Well, he tied a can to my political ambitions and brushed me off with a look of sheer hatred.
-George, what are your political ambitions? -Well, eventually, state's attorney.
But-- -George, the mayor will be most horrified to learn that I happen to look upon you most favorably as possible husband material.
-How can you make something so wonderful sound like a court decision? -I'm holding you off because there's something that has to be done before we get on this other thing you're thinking about.
George, you march right into the mayor's office.
And you tell him about us.
And then him since I have a happy prospect of being married in the near future, that I may want more park space from now on.
As a matter of fact, you go get him and I will tell him.
-You just shut your sweet little political mouth.
-Should I plan on your hacking around in my life for any considerable period of time? -For your sake, I hope not.
-Hm.
What do you want to marry for anyhow? -I think you're a little too old to be explaining that to him.
-Would you still be interested in him if I told you that he was the owner of your apartment house? That he was the blood-sucking old goat you've been yelling around about? -I've known that for two days.
Isn't it fortunate that I happen to be in love with a man of property? -You knew? -And I want to go on record that I am not joining the opposition.
-I have only your word for it that you're fun on a beach picnic.
You're murder every place else.
I know that.
-I take that as you meant it, as a complement.
-Now, when are you getting out of my park? -Only when you realize what a sterling, talented man George is and reinstate him with, of course, your promise that you'll keep your eye on him in the future for possible advancement.
-I'm forced to back down in the face of your foul tactics.
-Thank you! And now, you will take us down to your office, issue a special license, and marry us.
-I get all the good jobs, don't I? -I agree to this only if you'll promise never to invite me to your home for dinner.
-Oh, nonsense.
I've got great plans for the three of us.
I'm going to make a governor out of you and the state's attorney out of George.
Come along, George.
Don't keep the governor waiting.
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" -There is a policy in this town-- no outside doctors.
-Whose policy? -Doctor, we are a very ancient town.
We had beliefs and customs that might not make sense to somebody from the outside world.
-What's the matter with you people? It's your fear of Antonio Correll that keeps me from helping you.
I've studied the medical histories of the world.
And I tell you, there cannot be such a man.
It's your fear that keeps you in rags, and in filth, and in ignorance.
It's killing, crippling your children.
Don't you know that? You're cowards! You're crawling cowards! [GASPS.]
-What's wrong? -My father.
-Yes? -Something has happened to him.
Our house is marked for death.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]