Happily Divorced (2011) s02e11 Episode Script

Happily Divorced is shot before a live audience.
What was that? I don't know.
Are we alone? Do you have a man in there? Maybe another possum got into Esther's doggie door.
I know, I told you not to put that stupid thing in the door.
What were you thinking? That if an old, arthritic dog could learn how to get out of this house, maybe there was hope for you.
Shhh! Shut up.
The flower shop is open.
There's an intruder.
Call 911.
Oh, my--oh-- Oh, Cesar's truck is in the driveway.
I thought he left hours ago.
Oh, he must still be in the flower shop.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute! What?! What if someone walked in on him while he was working? What if he's being held here against his will, and he can't leave? No, Peter.
That would be me.
Come on.
Cesar! What are you doing here? It's 1:00 in the morning.
We thought you were a burglar.
I'm sorry.
You didn't see me.
I wasn't even here.
Good-bye.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
This all looks very familiar to me.
Empty pizza box, empty doughnut box, licked-out Oreos.
Did your wife tell you that she's gay? I don't know.
We don't talk.
And I don't want to talk about it.
Cesar, if you and your wife are having problems, you can talk to us.
You're like family.
We love you and Teresa.
I know.
We had a huge fight over her chicken tenders.
I asked her why she wasn't using my mother's recipe.
Next thing you know, she's telling me where I can stick them.
Then I said that would probably improve the taste, and that didn't go over very well.
Well, why didn't you call and just tell her that you're sorry so you can go home? Because then we'd just fight about something else.
That's all we've been doing for weeks.
Why would I want to go home? We're just two miserable people sleeping in separate rooms, sharing the same space day after day, just waiting to die.
I'm not looking at you, Fran.
Cesar, that's no way to solve your problems.
You have to talk to your wife.
The only two people that can solve this is you and - Teresa.
- Teresa.
Now go home and talk to her.
Okay.
It's safe now to go home anyway.
Wait a minute.
What's that sound? I don't hear anything.
Sounds likewheels spinning.
Oh, my God.
It's coming from in there.
Stop it.
Fran, I know you.
Butt out of their marriage.
You just finished telling me that there's only two people who can solve this problem.
- Yeah, well? - Fran-- That'd be one of them.
She was certain that he was her one and only but their union always seemed a little forced she got married anyway turns out that he was gay they're still in love but now she's happily divorced Oh, hi, Manuel.
Look at how big you got.
It's Juan.
Is your mommy home? Mom, daddy's boss with the funny voice is here.
Oh, my God, Fran.
How nice to see you.
Hi, yes.
Nice to see you too.
Your apartment is so beautiful.
Oh, please, it's such a mess.
But you know what it's like when you have a husband and a house full of kids.
No.
Sowhat can I do for you? Oh, well, I wanted to-- oh.
Um, would you excuse us, uh Little boy? Go play with your brother.
And don't pee on him.
Well, I just thought that we could take a moment and talk to each other woman to woman.
Of course.
What is it? Ioh.
- Excuse me.
- Okay.
Hello.
I'm sorry.
I can't do that right now.
I have an unexpected visitor.
I can meet you in five minutes.
All right, what was that that just went on over there? Are you seeing another man? Why are you wearing perfume in the middle of the day? - What? - I was married for 18 years.
I know how to turn on a man.
Things didn't go awry until the 19th year, when he learned how to do it too.
Why do you think I'm seeing another man? My husband is a sexy, wild, passionate animal.
Just wanted to make sure I was in the right apartment.
Well, then, who are you meeting? I manage the building.
I'm interviewing for the new super.
- Oh.
- Fran, what is this all about? Well, Cesar told me that you guys were having trouble.
He told me about the chicken tenders and not having sex.
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
He told you about the chicken tenders? Uh, Teresa, let's sit down a minute.
Tell me what's going on.
Que pasa? Cesar no me habla.
El no me pone atencion.
Teresa.
Que pasa and quesadilla-- that's all I know.
Cesar and I are drifting apart.
I'm here all day.
He comes home exhausted from work, and he won't even talk to me.
I can't live like this anymore, and it breaking my heart to watch the children suffer.
- Mommy! - Not now! I'm talking to your daddy's boss! I just want the old Cesar back.
Well, Teresa, husbands change.
Some more than others.
Cesar has changed a lot.
We don't have fun anymore.
We used to sit around and laugh and talk about his day at the flower shop.
- Aww.
- We'd thank God we weren't you and your husband.
And now we are.
Oh, Teresa.
No one should have to be us.
The reason why you and Cesar are drifting is because you need to spend more time together.
When? There aren't enough hours in the day.
Ugh, I'm sorry, but that's my interview.
Oh, wait, wait.
Don't get it.
I know how to give you more hours together.
Give Cesar the super job.
Then you can be together more.
Fran, no.
You would let him go? What will you do? He says that without him, your business would fall apart.
Yeah, well, we'd have to give it a whirl.
But your marriage is more important.
Oh, my God, I don't know how to thank you.
Don't even give it a second thought.
Oh.
Hello.
I just called you about the super job.
I'm sorry, but the position has just been taken.
Uh, I got an opening that needs to be filled.
- I'm fired? I don't understand.
I just thought we could make a little extra cash if we grew some medical-- Wait a minute.
Why am I being fired? Because you're gonna be working as the super - in your building.
- What? It's so that you and your wife can spend more time together.
Oh, but she doesn't want me there.
Why, does she want me there? Of course she does.
She loves you, and you love her.
You'll talk, you'll laugh, you'll get to know each other again.
And with the kids away at school all day, you'll have the whole apartment to yourself.
Oh, miss Fran, you've been such a good friend, which is why I know that even though I'm leaving mid-week, you're gonna pay me through Friday.
No.
I don't know how to thank you for this.
You're probably saving my marriage.
I'm going to miss you.
Why you gonna miss her? I'm gonna miss you.
What you gonna miss him for? What's going on? I am saving his marriage.
Oh, no.
Fran, how could you do this? You don't even know what I did.
No, no.
She fired me for love.
Mm.
- You fired him? - No, it's okay.
Miss Fran found me a job where I could spend more time with my wife.
And I want you to know that I'm going to miss you a lot.
You're my best friend, Mr.
Peter.
Okay, that's enough.
You happy? Yes, I am.
I did a wonderful thing.
- Did ya? - Yes.
Did you think about who's gonna do all the work - that Cesar did around here? - Yes.
Did you think it was gonna be me? 'Cause you'd be wrong.
I'm not gonna drive a truck, and I'm not gonna touch dirt.
I got a whole bunch of open houses this week.
You will not even see me in this shop.
Hola,miss Fran.
This is Cesar's replacement.
Ramon, this is Peter.
Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
- Hey, morning.
He isn't here.
You can let your stomachs out.
You guys have been here every day this week.
Would you stop throwing yourselves at him? This is a place of business.
- Hey, baby.
- Hello, miss Judi.
How are you doing, Mr.
Peter? So what would you like me to do? I need you to grab that pot and put it over here.
Okay.
Okay, the first thing you gotta learn is how to aerate the soil.
Don't be afraid.
Get your hands right in there.
- Like this? - Yeah, that's good.
Now faster.
Faster.
Faster.
How do we know when we're done? Usually I fire up a pot of spaghetti.
We're done.
We're done.
Go make your deliveries.
Okay.
Um Would you mind dropping me home when you're done? Yeah.
You might be late.
Is that okay with your husband? Who the hell told you I was married? Miss Fran.
Now, you see what's happening here, Peter? I did a Mitzvah for Cesar and his wife, and the universe rewarded us.
My marriages is over, and you know whose fault it is? - Did Cesar say why he left his wife? No, he's not talking to me.
You know, Teresa's right.
He's not much of a communicator.
This is terrible.
You know, I'm his best friend.
Now he's gonna want his job back, and-- Mother of God.
And we're gonna have to tell him that he's got to go.
Ugh.
Can't we keep both? Can't--can't we just tell Ramon he can live here for free? I could give him my room.
- Where will you sleep? - My room.
Oh, Fran, you made a big mess of everything.
Why do you always have to get involved? Because I love people.
I have to help them.
Yeah, well, maybe you can help a whole lot of people.
You can open up a kiosk at the mall.
And you can charge to ruin their lives.
Peter, Teresa loves that man.
Trust me, she's gonna be begging him to come back.
Is Cesar here? Yes, he is, Teresa.
Good.
Here's his crap.
I never want to see him again.
Looks like someone has huevos all over her face.
What is she doing here? I don't want to see her.
I never want to see you either.
Oh, si? Pues, sabes que? Hey, hey! Silencio, s'il vous plait! Now, can somebody please tell me in English what the hell happened? Well, I came into our apartment in the middle of the day to spend some time with her.
I even spritzed myself with some Paco Rabanne, and I laid on the couch all "Come get me.
" And what did she do? Nada.
Yes, that's true.
He was sprawled out on the couch, snoring.
You fell asleep? Because she was paying bills.
Because he was laying there with cheerios stuck on his face.
Well, you don't have to worry about it, because I am sleeping here from now on! What? Fine.
Then I'll just send the kids over, and they can visit you here.
What? You're a terrible super.
You're fired.
You can't fire me.
I already quit! I'm not looking at you, Peter.
So how's my little girl? Terrible, daddy.
And away we go.
Cesar left his wife and moved in with them, and now she's got Peter and Cesar living there.
Wait a minute.
Now Peter and Cesar are a couple? Peter and Cesar are a couple? Do you people even read the interaction warnings on your meds? Now, focus.
I arranged for Cesar to spend more time at home with Teresa.
First day, he goes home in the middle of the day.
What does he do? He takes a nap.
- What was she doing? - She was paying bills.
I'd have fallen asleep too.
No wonder he went for Peter.
You know, your father's got a point.
If Teresa wants her man tostay up, she's gotta give him a reason.
Go on.
You think I sit around here all day waiting for your father to make a move? Oh, no.
I bring it.
Yes, she does.
Know what your mother's wearing under those pants? Red fishnet thigh-highs.
Stop.
Do you have anything in here for nausea? Look, darling.
I know you're worried about Cesar and Teresa, but a lot of couples drift apart.
Do they still love each other? Yes, ma, they do.
Sounds like they just forgot how to do the dance.
Oh, ma, I think you're right.
Dori, make something up and get in here! Oh, don't worry, ma.
I'm leaving.
No, darling.
That's ridiculous.
This is your home too.
You can stay as long as you want.
Oh, thanks, ma, 'cause you gave me so much to think ab-- You're thinking about her, aren't you, Cesar? Maybe a little.
Just the way her hair smells.
Her smile.
Hearing her sweet voice around the house.
You do not know what that's like.
No, I do not.
Ay, Dios mio.
My Teresa just walked in.
How did she know I was here? Three, two, one.
Peter! Oh, Peter, remember when I said that I'm never gonna interfere again? - You never said that.
- Exactly.
Teresa, what are you doing here? Fran and I were talking-- mostly Fran.
Mm.
And she helped me realize that if I want the old Cesar back, then I have to bring it.
Well, you brought it.
You look beautiful.
You haven't worn that dress in years.
Well, where am I gonna wear it to, Costco? Maybe I should take my woman out more often.
Cesar, she's not an object.
You don't have to call her your woman.
Stay out of this, woman.
You remember we used to do this all the time? What happened to us, Teresa? Four kids.
Yeah, well, they're not here now.
Besame besame mucho como si fuera esta noche la ultima vez besame besame mucho Wow.
Yeah.
Que tengo miedo a perderte perderte despues Come here, woman.
Petey.
Oh, in all the years that we were married, we never forgot how to do the dance.
La ultima vez May I cut in? Besame Didn't see that coming, did ya?