Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s02e11 Episode Script

1
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE TO BE ON TOP
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
YOU HAVE TO MOVE,
HEATHCLIFF.
I'M GOING TO TRIM
THE ROSEBUSHES.
[YAWN]
I HOPE THIS DOESN'
TAKE LONG.
[HUMMING]
OH, MY! I TOOK OFF
A BIT TOO MUCH.
HUH?
POOR LITTLE GUY'S
GONNA BE COLD.
HE! HA HA HA!
HE HE!
[HUMMING]
IGGY?
DID YOU TAKE YOUR SWING
DOWN FROM THE TREE YET?
SURE DID, GRANDMA.
THAT'S GOOD.
THE WORKMEN WILL BE HERE
IN THE MORNING
TO TRIM ALL THE TREES
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
TRIM ALL THE TREES?
[SAW BUZZING]
THEY CAN'T DO THA
TO MY TREES!
NO!
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
HUH?
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[CROWD TALKING]
HMM
WE'RE ALL SET,
HEATHCLIFF.
[TRUCK
APPROACHING]
UH!
AH!
[GULP][GULP]
UH-OH!
WHAT'S THAT?
GRRR!
STOP!
STOP!
[TIRES SKIDDING]
COME ON, YOU KIDS,
OUT OF THE WAY.
WE'RE HERE TO
PROTECT OUR TREES.
SAVE OUR TREES!
SAVE OUR TREES!
LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR THIS. ARE YOU GONNA
MOVE OR WHAT?
NO!
GO BACK! GO BACK!
GO BACK!
OK, YOU ASKED
FOR IT.
FORWARD HO!
HUH?
HUH?
NOT SO FAST.
THAT SHOULD DO IT.
[HONK HONK]
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
WAIT! COME BACK!
HA HA HA HA!
I GUESS IT'S UP TO ME,
AS USUAL.
KEEP GOING.
OH, I WISH I COULD REMEMBER
HOW MANY LIVES I HAD LEFT.
[TIRES SKIDDING]
WHEW!
[CROWD CHEERING]
YAY!YEAH!YAY!YEAH!
WAY TO GO,
HEATHCLIFF!
[GRUMBLING]
CENTRAL, THIS IS
TRIM CREW A-7.
WE'VE GO
A PROBLEM HERE.
WHAT'S ALL THAT NOISE
OUT THERE, GRANDPA?
PROBABLY
THE GARBAGE MAN.
I DO WISH
THEY'D BE MORE QUIE
IT'S GETTING SO A BODY
CAN'T SLEEP ANYMORE.
THAT'S HIM.
SAVE OUR TREES!SAVE OUR TREES!
SAVE OUR TREES!SAVE OUR TREES!
YOU'RE HOLDING UP
OFFICIAL CITY BUSINESS
AND WASTING
TAXPAYERS' MONEY.
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU ALL
RUN ALONG HOME.
PFFFT!
GRRRR!
OK, CENTRAL,
SEND IN ANIMAL CONTROL.
WE GO
A DANGEROUS ONE HERE.
[SIRENS]
THAT'S HIM!
GRRR!
HUH?
OK, GANG, TIME FOR
PLAN NUMBER TWO.
GRRRR!
SAY GOOD-BYE TO
YOUR PANT LEGS, SUCKER.
LET'S GE
THE OTHER ONE!
SPREAD OUT!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"SPREAD OUT"?
THERE'S ONLY
TWO OF US!
COME ON, MUGSY.
MY PLEASURE.
AAH!
OH!
[FIGHTING]
SEND FOR
REINFORCEMENTS!
YOUSEND FOR THEM.
I GOT MY--UH!
EXCUSE ME
WHILE I WRAP THIS UP.
[SIRENS]
UH-OH!
THOSE GUYS AREN'
KIDDING AROUND.
WE ARE NOT AFRAID!
WE ARE NOT AFRAID!
WE ARE NOT AFRAID!
WE ARE NOT AFRAID!
Man: WHAT ARE THEY ARMED WITH?
ANYBODY KNOW?
ATTENTION, ATTENTION,
RIOTERS ON THE GROUND.
THIS IS THE POLICE CHIEF.
YOU ARE IN VIOLATION
OF THE LAW.
I REPEAT: YOU ARE
IN VIOLATION OF THE LAW.
GO BACK TO YOUR HOMES.
GO BACK TO YOUR HOMES.
THEY AREN'
BUDGING, CHIEF.
GET US OUT OF HERE!
PUT ME THROUGH
TO THE MAYOR.
YAY!YAY!YAY!YAY!
WHAT'S GOING ON
OUT HERE?
WE'RE TRYING
TO KEEP THESE GUYS
FROM DEMOLISHING
THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
OH, MY GOSH!
DON'T THEY USUALLY
SEND OUT NOTICES
BEFORE THEY TEAR DOWN
PEOPLE'S HOUSES?
[TIRES SKIDDING]
GLAD YOU'RE HERE,
MR. MAYOR.
THIS SITUATION'S
A REAL POWDER KEG.
WELL, CHILDREN,
THE CREW SIMPLY WANTS
TO CUT SOME OF THE BRANCHES
OFF THE TREES.
WHY, IT'S GOOD FOR THEM--
SORT OF LIKE GIVING THEM
A HAIRCUT. HA HA HA!
WE JUST WANT--
YEAH!
HOW ABOUT IT?
OK, SEND IN
THE RIOT SQUAD.
[GULP]
OK, MEN,
CLEAR THE STREETS.
UH-OH, THE TV NEWS PEOPLE
ARE HERE.
[TIRES SKIDDING]
UH, HOLD IT MEN.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
HOLD IT, MEN.
NOW, THAT BOY.
YOU WANT TO TELL US
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
ON TV?
GEE, SURE.
AHEM.
WE'RE BROADCASTING LIVE
FROM THE SITE OF A SERIOUS CLASH
BETWEEN LOCAL RESIDENTS
AND THE CITY POLICE.
WHAT ARE YOU PROTESTING?
WE'RE NOT PROTESTING
ANYTHING.
WE JUST DON'T WAN
THESE GUYS TO CU
DOWN ALL OUR TREES.
THE POLICE BELIEVE
YOU'RE ARMED.
IS THAT TRUE?
ARMED? SURE.
WE ALL HAVE ARMS.
HA HA! SEE?
MR. MAYOR,
THE GOVERNOR'S
ON THE LINE.
UH, THE GOVERNOR?
YES, SIR.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
[GULP]
[GULP]
[GULP]
UH, YES, SIR.
OH, NO, SIR.
WELL, THE TV CREW
JUST UP AND--
I UNDERSTAND, SIR.
THANK YOU, SIR.
AND THAT'S
OUR LIVE REPORT,
AND NOW
BACK TO THE STUDIO.
OH, ALL RIGHT,
NOW.
WHO'S IN CHARGE
HERE?
HE IS.
A CAT?
BUT HOW CAN I NEGOTIATE
WITH A, UH?
[WHISPERING]
UH, CAN WE
TALK PRIVATELY,
YOUR HONORSHIP?
OF COURSE.
I'M PLEASED
TO ANNOUNCE
THAT THE PROBLEM
IS SOLVED.
YAY!
YAY!
YAY!
YAY!
YAY!
YAY!
YAY!
YAY!
YAY!
HOW'S THAT?
HOLD ON!
HOW'S THAT LOOK,
HEATHCLIFF?
HMM
MORE OFF
THE RIGHT SIDE,
BUT JUST A TAD.
YOU GOT IT.
"JUST A TAD."
AND SO ONCE MORE,
THE STREETS ARE CALM
AND THE TREES ARE SAFE,
THANKS TO HEATHCLIFF
AND HIS FRIENDS.
YOU LOOKED QUITE NICE
ON TV, HEATHCLIFF.
TODAY WEST FENSTER,
TOMORROW, WHO KNOWS?
SENATOR HEATHCLIFF?
GOVERNOR HEATHCLIFF?
HIS IMPERIAL MAJESTY,
THE ROYAL
EH, MUNGO HUNGRY.
THE NOSE NEVER LIES.
THERE'S A FISH OUT THERE
WITH OUR NAME ON IT.
[SNIFF SNIFF]
[GROANS]
[TIRES SKIDDING]
ALLOW US
TO ASSIST YOU,
ANCIEN
AND FEEBLE SIR.
TIME TO DO
OUR GOOD DEED
FOR THE DAY,
AND PERHAPS EXTRAC
SOME TUNA FOR PAY.
WHOA!
UNH!
EVERITCH, I DEMAND TO KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
WE SEEM TO HAVE
A BIT OF A PROBLEM
HERE, MR. MONTY.
STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!
AAAH!
HA HA HA!HA HA HA!
Monty:
CEASE AND DESIST!
CEASE--OH!
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW
I AM MONTY MANX,
STAR OF STAGE
AND SCREEN.
OH!
OH!
AAH!
THE PLEASURE IS
ALL OURS.
WE'RE THE CATILLAC CATS.
Mungo: STARS OF JUNKYARDS,
ALLEYS, AND THE DUMPSTERS.
YOW!
AAAH!
OH! OW!
OOOH!
GADZOOKS!
HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE.
AH, THAT'S FUNNY.
THE BOYS SAID
THEY'D MEET ME HERE.
STOP!
DON'T HIT ME!
HAVE SOME
MORE TUNA.
I MUST HAVE DIED
AND GONE TO HEAVEN.
HEY, WHAT'S COOKING,
JACK?
IT'S NOT JACK.
IT'S MONTY MANX,
STAR OF STAGE,
SCREEN, AND
RECENT MUGGINGS.
OH, I KNOW YOU
FROM ALL MY KITTENS.
WHO'D MUG A NICE GUY
LIKE YOU?
3 DESPERADOES.
IF I'D BEEN THERE,
I WOULD HAVE FLATTENED 'EM.
AH!
OH!
UH!
AND SENT 'EM PACKIN'!
Everitch: SIR?
THIS FELLOW MIGHT MAKE
AN EXCELLENT BODYGUARD
FOR YOU.
AND THIS BODY
DOESDESERVE GUARDING.
BE ON WESTERN STREET A
CATLUMBIA MOVIE STUDIO
TOMORROW AT 9:00.
TAKE A CASE OF
CAT FOOD AS YOUR
FIRST WEEK'S PAY.
THIS LOOKS LIKE THE BEGINNING
OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP.
HUH?
HUH?
HUH?
CONGRATULATE ME,
BOYS.
I HAVE JOINED THE RANKS
OF THE EMPLOYED.
COME ON.
YOU WORK?
I DON'
THINK OF IT AS WORK.
I MET THIS SUCKER
WHO HIRED ME
AS A BODYGUARD.
HE GOT ROLLED BY
3 MORON CATS THIS MORNING.
HEY! THOSE
3 MORONS WAS US.
HUH?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO PROTECT HIM
AGAINST US?
HAVE I GOT A SCAM
FOR YOU. LISTEN!
[ALL TALKING]
[RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC]
I SAY, OLD CHAPS,
THIS TOWN ISN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR THE 4 OF US.
TIME FOR YOU HOMBRES
TO TAKE A HIKE.
OH, MY HEAVENS!
YOU WERE SAYING, MONTY?
I WAS NOTING THA
THIS TOWN ISN'T, UH,
UH, BIG ENOUGH
FOR THE 4 OF US,
SO I-I-I'LL JUS
BE TIPTOEING ALONG.
HUH?
UH, BODYGUARD?
BODYGUARD!
BODYGUARD!
AT YOUR SERVICE, BOSS.
DEE DEE DEE
DO DE DO DEE DEE ♪
OH!
OH, NOT SO HARD.
TAKE THAT!
AND THAT!
AND THAT!
YEEOOOW!
GET OU
AND STAY OUT, ROGUE!
NO! NO!
DON'T THROW ME
IN THE CACTUS FIELD!
Monty: THROW HIM
IN THE CACTUS FIELD!
YEEEOOOW!
YEEEOOOW!
GET ALONG,
LITTLE KITTY.
YA-HOO!
HE-HAW!
HE-HAW!
OUCH!
OUCH!
YEEOOW!
GOOD SHOW, OLD BOY.
SHOW BUSINESS
IS MY LIFE, MONTY.
MUNGO, IS MY
NEXT WEEK'S ADVANCE
ALMOST DONE?
IT IS IF YOU LIKE I
MEDIUM RARE.
AND WHERE DOES
THE STAR OF STAGE,
SCREEN, MUGGINGS,
AND WESTERNS
NEED US TOMORROW?
AN AUTOGRAPH-SIGNING
AT THE CAT-O'-NINE-TAILS
PET SHOP.
PIECE OF CAKE.
THERE YOU GO,
DARLING.
BEST OF EVERYTHING
IN YOUR LIFE.
PLEASE SWOON
OUTSIDE.
SHUT THE DOOR.
SEND THE FANS HOME,
EVERITCH.
NO MORE FOR TODAY.
I MUST TAKE
A BRIEF CATNAP.
AS YOU WISH, SIR.
AH
I SIMPLY CAN'
SIGN ANOTHER ONE.
MY PAW IS TIED
IN KNOTS.
YEAH, BUT WE INSIST!
NO, NO, REALLY, I--
OH, MY HEAVENS!
WE'RE ALL OU
OF TUNA,
AND GUESS WHO
WE THOUGHT OF.
CHICKEN OF THE SEA?
OUR GOOD FRIEND MONTY,
STAR OF STAGE, SCREEN,
MUGGINGS, WESTERNS,
AND THE NEARES
PET HOSPITAL.
YEAH, THE KEYS
TO THE LIMO, PLEASE?
[WHIMPERING]
BODYGUARD!
DON'T LET THE TURKEYS
GET YOU DOWN.
OK, WHO'S FIRST?
YEEEOOW!
YIKES!
WHOA!
OH! AH! UH!
I BELIEVE YOU'RE NEXT,
MY OVERSIZED FRIEND.
GEE, THANKS!
UH! UNH!
AAAAH!
SEE YOUSE
AT DINNER.
COME ON, MONTY,
MEET YOUR BIGGEST FAN.
WOULDN'T YOU RATHER
HAVE MY AUTOGRAPH?
UH-UH-UH-UH-UH!
NO HANDLING THE GOODS.
THERE'S SOMEONE HERE
I WANT YOU TO MEET.
OH, NO!
EEW!
NEXT TIME, MR. BODYGUARD
OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS,
WOULD YOU GO EASY
ON THE REALISM?
I DON'T HEAR NO ONE
COMPLAINING ABOUT
NOW THE NEWS.
.MY THIRD WEEK'S SALARY
IN ADVANCE.
HEY, LOOK!
WE'S ON
THE NEWS!
Reporter: AND IN THE WIDE WORLD
OF ENTERTAINMENT,
MATINEE IDOL MONTY MANX HAS
FOUND A PERFECT SOLUTION TO
STAR MUGGING.
HIS AMAZING BODYGUARD HECTOR
TODAY TOOK ON 3 MORONIC
STREET THUGS
DEDICATED TO
SENSELESS VIOLENCE.
YEAH, THAT'S US.
WE'RE FAMOUS!
OK, EVERITCH,
ROLL THAT SCENE PAS
IN SLOW MOTION.
EVERITCH, IN THE WORDS
OF THE IMMORTAL BARD,
I'VE BEEN SNOOKERED!
AS YOU SAY, SIR.
[SNAP]
NO ONE SNOOKERS
MONTY MANX,
STAR OF STAGE,
SCREEN, MUGGINGS,
WESTERNS, AND NEARES
PET HOSPITALS.
Man: HEY! WELCOME
TO THE CAT'S PAJAMAS,
WHERE YOU CAN DISCO
ALL NIGH
TO THE SOUNDS OF
GUEST D.J. MONTY MANX
AT THE TURNTABLE.
MY ADORING PUBLIC AWAITS.
IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP,
EVERITCH.
[POP]
[POP]
[POP]
LET US KEEP YOU
COMPANY, MONTY.
OH, MY FAVORITE MUGGERS.
YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE
TO EXTORT?
YOU BET YOUR TAIL!
[SNAP]
YOU RANG?
IT SEEMS WE HAVE
COMPANY, HECTOR.
TAKE CARE OF OUR
LITTLE FRIENDS.
MY PLEASURE!
[FIGHTING]
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HE HE HE!
AS A BONUS, I'M GOING TO
LEND YOU MY LIMOUSINE
FOR THE WHOLE DAY.
OH, OH, NO, I DON'
DESERVE THAT, MONTY.
INDEED, YOU DO!
THANKS, MONTY.
HE HE HE!
DO DE DO DO DO
HE HE HE HE HE!
WOB-IDY BOO-BY
I WANT TO DRIVE!
BETTER ENTRUS
THIS BEAUTY TO ME.
EVERYONE IN.
HERE WE GO.
[TIRES SKIDDING]
SIR, I JUST DON'
UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU GAVE THEM
THE LIMOUSINE.
GAVE THEM MY LIMOUSINE?
I DIDN'T GIVE ANYONE
MY CAR.
IN FACT, EVERITCH,
I'M GOING TO TAKE CARE
OF IT RIGHT NOW.
[SIREN]
HUH?
WHA--?
OH!
OH, NO!
AAH!
OH!
WHY ANYONE WOULD WANT A DOG WHEN
THEY COULD HAVE A CAT,
I'LL NEVER KNOW. BUT IF YOU DO
WANT A DOG, THE POUND
IS A GOOD PLACE TO GET ONE. THEY
USUALLY HAVE SEVERAL BREEDS
OF DOGS, AND EVERYTHING FROM
PUPPIES TO OLDER DOGS.
SO YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND A
DOG JUST RIGHT FOR YOU.
AND WHEN YOU GET A DOG AT THE
POUND
YOU'VE GOT A DOG THAT HAS ITS
SHOTS AND ITS LICENSE
FOR VERY LITTLE MONEY. THE POUND
IS ALSO A GOOD PLACE
TO FIND A CAT THAT NEEDS A GOOD
HOME.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
FOX FAMILY CHANNEL
AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION