iCarly s02e11 Episode Script

And that proves that the hammer is the wrong tool to fix a desk lamp.
Looks like Freddie is gonna be doin' his homework in the dark.
Okay, next on "iCarly"-- we're introducing a new segment which we call-- tonight's episode-- since the dawn of time, kids have wanted things.
And parents have said no.
Until one brave little cave girl changed the world forever.
Archeologists recently dug up this prehistoric DVD.
It shows the cave girl's courageous story.
Play it.
No problem.
Oonga? Oonga-doonga? Eh, bwagga.
Bwagga-oonga? Eh.
Mom, dad, can I have a dinosaur? No, I'm sorry, baby.
I'm afraid you can't have a dinosaur.
Dinosaur.
Dinosaur.
Dinosaur.
Honey, please stop.
That's really inappropriate.
Dinosaur.
Dinosaur.
Dinosaur.
Dinosaur.
All right.
You can have a dinosaur.
Oonga.
And thus-- the tantrum was born.
Okay, as you know, we've been running a contest to find the "iCarly" viewers who look the most like me, Sam, and Freddie.
And tonight, we're gonna show you our top three picks for the best look-alikes here in Seattle.
So, I'm gonna stand by this monitor-- and Freddie will show us a local girl who looks a lot like Carly.
Here comes the Carly look-alike.
Not a bad match.
Okay, now you come stand here.
Okey-doke.
Freddie, let's see the girl who looks the most like Sam.
Here she comes.
Pretty close.
Yeah, she's good lookin'.
Okay, Freddie, it's your turn.
Get over here.
And now, the Freddie look-alike.
Hey, that guy does look a lot like Freddie.
Oh, wait, I got the wrong pic.
Here.
There, now.
That dude looks like Freddie.
Get him off the monitor.
Okay, sorry.
Ooh, here's an exact match.
Look, they're like twins.
All right, that's it.
Would it kill you to just show me a little bit of respect? I knew it was a mistake to let you touch my computer.
I do not look like a toilet.
You know what? Honestly, you gotta tell me.
You know the thing that goes-- I swear, Sam, one of these days, you are gonna push me.
Why did she have to always be the one who antagonizes? Stop.
All right.
We'll stop arguing.
Oonga.
In five, four, three, two-- I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and a time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give your best Hey, guys.
Great "iCarly" tonight.
Thanks.
Muy gracioso.
I'm gonna check our feedback.
Good idea.
I'm gonna check the fridge.
What's this for? New sculpture? Yes.
And don't ask what it is 'cause it's a surprise.
What is wrong with my purple paint? No way.
What? I was just checking our feedback, and look who wrote us.
Kevin Colt.
You mean the Kevin Colt who I've never heard of? Uh, you've heard of his dad.
Who's his dad? Jackson Colt.
Get out.
Don't you lie to mama.
Who's Jackson Colt? What? And why the simultaneous "what"? Jackson Colt is, like, one of the top 10 fighters in the MMA.
Oh, yeah.
I've heard of that guy.
What did his son say? Uh, that his dad is fighting in Seattle this weekend-- move.
Whoa.
Oh.
Whoa, Kevin says he's a big fan of ours and wants to come meet us.
Cool.
Hey, we should ask him if we can interview his dad for "iCarly.
" Oh, that's brilliant.
Hey, Freddie, bring me that screwdriver, would you? I think the nozzle on this paint can is jammed.
Sure.
Thanks.
That can is pressurized.
Be careful.
Yuh-huhhh.
I have to meet Jackson Colt.
He's got this one move called the shoulder crunch, and I need to learn how to do it.
Yeah, I bet he can teach you all kinds of new ways to hurt people.
I know.
Man, if we get to interview Jackson Colt on "iCarly," it'll be the coolest thing we ever-- oh.
Could someone bring me a tissue? Hey, Freddie, hold this.
Uh-- I took it out of Carter Ford's locker.
Why did you steal Carter's basketball? 'Cause I think he's cute.
Well, you're gonna think this e-mail is a lot cuter.
What? Grow hair any time, anywhere? Ugh.
Oh, there.
Kevin got us tickets to the MMA fight.
Yeah.
And we get to hang out with him and his dad backstage.
We're gonna meet Jackson Colt.
And Kevin said we get to interview him for "iCarly.
" Ah, this is perfect.
We do a little interview, we eat some nachos, we watch huge dudes punch each other in the face.
Excuse me.
Who is punching who in the face? Mom, what are you doing here? You forgot your ointment.
Mom.
It stopped itching.
Itches can come back.
Please let his itch come back.
Who's fighting? Look, it's no big deal.
We're gonna do "iCarly" from an MMA fight.
Mixed martial arts? Oh, no.
My Freddie is not going anywhere near one of those brutal fights.
Ugh, why you always gotta irritate everybody? Come on, mom.
They can't do the show without me.
You've never even seen an MMA fight.
I don't have to.
I know that exposure to violence is very bad for a teenage boy's development.
Says who? I read it on aggressiveparenting.
com.
Why did you take my ball? What? Oh, no, I didn't--ow.
That's for stealin' my ball.
Excuse me.
I happen to be his mother.
Ah.
And that's for giving birth to him.
Ow.
Hey, Spencer.
Hey, kiddo.
Oh, Sam and Freddie are here.
When aren't they here? Good point.
So true.
Oh, I brought you a present from the groovy smoothie.
Please be a smoothie.
It's a smoothie.
Yay! Awesome.
Thanks.
Okay, what is this sculpture? It's a gigantic version of Newton balls.
Newton balls? Here, watch.
Look at that, huh? You see, as sir Isaac Newton theorized, the behavior of a pendulum follows from the conservation of momentum and kinetic energy only in the case of two pendulums.
But, in a case where you have-- where did you go? We got bored.
You guys, we have to do "iCarly" from that MMA fight.
My mom won't let me go.
Yeah, no offense, Freddie, but your mom is horrible.
How could I be offended by that? Can we just try to figure something out? What if Freddie's mom had a little-- accident? What? My Uncle carmine? We're not paying your Uncle carmine to hurt Freddie's mom.
Well, he's not gonna do it for free.
Hey, why don't we get Spencer to talk to her? Hey, can you do us a favor? Sure, what do you need? We wanna do an interview for "iCarly" backstage at a mixed martial arts fight.
And Freddie's freakish mother won't let him go.
What do you say about her when I'm not in the room? Will you just talk to Mrs.
Benson and try to change her mind? I don't know if that's such a good idea.
Come on.
The worst she can do is say no.
Right, but--okay.
You're not gonna love hearing this, but I kind of agree with her.
Huh? I don't want you going to that fight either.
You're kidding, right? No, I'm serious.
Spencer.
Look.
I've seen those MMA fights.
They can get really rough.
I don't think it's a place for kids.
Okay, when did you suddenly turn uncool? Uh, when did you turn into a little baby who yells at me the first time she doesn't get what she wants? Right when you stopped giving me what I want.
Uh, we're gonna-- go.
No, it's fine.
We're just having a discussion, and I'm going to that fight.
No, you're not.
Look, I'm sorry you're upset, but I'm in charge here.
You're the kid, and I'm the adult.
You give me that back right now.
No, I bought it.
You gave it to me as a present.
Let me go to that MMA fight.
You're not going to that fight.
Then you're not getting this smoothie back.
Don't be such a big baby.
I can't believe you're trying to ruin this for me.
It's my job to keep you safe.
You don't deserve this smoothie.
Give me that smoothie back right now.
Don't touch my Newton balls.
I don't know if we should do this.
Should we do this? I don't know if we should do this.
We should, and we are.
Well, what if it doesn't work? It's gonna work.
What's Kevin sayin'? Uh, he and his dad just got there.
The fights don't start for another hour and a half.
Awesome.
Tonight is gonna be insane.
You know I've never snuck out before.
Not once in my whole life.
I have, once.
Really? What happened? I walked out the front door of the building, saw a hobo, ran back inside.
You are one crazy motorboat, kid.
Are you guys sure we should do this? Yes, our plan is fool-proof.
Unless it doesn't work.
It's gonna work.
How can you be so sure? Like, what if-- we're ready.
This is totally gonna work.
Wow.
This is kind of amazing.
Yeah.
Not exactly clones, but close.
Uh-huh.
I see we're a pretty good match.
Totally.
Hey, when did Freddie start looking so hot? Okay.
This chick is nothing like me.
Oh, come on.
You guys could be sisters.
You ever been arrested? No.
We cannot be related.
Hey, we should leave soon.
Yeah.
Okay.
This is the plan.
We're gonna sneak out of here and go to the MMA fight.
Eww.
Fighting's so icky.
Oy, how can we look alike? Wait.
I thought you guys invited us here to be on "iCarly"? Yeah.
I mean, that's what Sam said in her e-mail.
Uh-huh.
Sam.
Why'd you tell them that? 'Cause I thought they might not come if I told them they were just gonna be locked in a room all night with nothing to do.
You can't blame me.
Lock me in a room-- wait a second.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
All right.
We just need you guys to stay here for the night and pretend to be us.
Just in case my mom or Carly's brother comes up here.
And what's in it for us? Twenty bucks apiece? Fifty.
Sure.
Now she's like me.
Fine.
Fifty each.
Okay.
And what are we supposed to do? Just stay up here with the door locked.
Freddie's gonna fix the elevator when we get downstairs so it won't open on this floor.
Now, if my brother, Spencer, comes up, here's what you do.
Freddie? This way, please.
Okay.
We have recorded 200 probable responses to anything Spencer might say.
So you just scroll up and down this list and click on any of these phrases.
Just show 'em.
All right.
Pretend you're Spencer and ask me a question.
You guys wanna order a pizza? Okay.
Um-- no, thanks.
We're good.
Nice.
Cool.
All right.
Now, give me a harder one.
Hey, Freddie, it's me, Spencer, can I borrow your ointment? Sorry, this isn't a good time, but thanks for asking.
See? Oh, and here's a Sam response that works for almost any question.
I don't know.
Just bring me a bucket of fried chicken.
Okay.
We gotta leave.
We're really counting on you guys.
No worries.
No problem.
Hey, what's this one? Test, one, two, check, check.
I love you, Carly.
Love you.
Love--I was checking the Mic.
Come on.
Wait.
No, I-- just don't touch it.
Don't touch it.
Come on.
I love you, Carly.
Love you.
Whoa, this place is intense.
Yeah.
These guys are like superhuman.
You realize that most of 'em could kill Freddie with one punch? Are you still seeing that teen therapist every week to discuss your issues? Yeah, why? It's not working.
Just 'cause these fighters are all big and tough doesn't mean they're not regular people.
Hi, where'd you get the Sushi? This ain't Sushi.
Hi.
I'm Dr.
Doty.
Hey, can you sew my ear back on? Sure.
Hey, Jackson Colt.
Hey, "iCarly.
" Hi.
Hi.
What's up? You're Kevin? That's me.
Thanks so much for letting us come.
Yeah.
This is awesome.
Thanks.
I'm a huge fan of "iCarly.
" So is my dad.
Really? Seriously? No way.
Oh, yeah.
Random dancing.
You girls kill me.
Wow, that is so nice.
He's so nice.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Colt, but they were out of the meatloaf, so I got you the fish.
So, you ready to do the interview? Oh, yeah.
I love this guy.
Carly-- Carly, Sam, Freddie.
Come on, you guys.
Come on.
I know you guys are mad I wouldn't let you go to the fight, but you don't have to lock your door.
Quick, click on a response.
I'm looking for the right one.
Hurry.
Guys, I'm sorry you couldn't go to the fight.
But come on, I made some cubed fruit.
Sorry, what did you say? I said I made some cubed fruit! No, thanks.
We don't want any cubed fruit.
All right.
Well, I got some kung fu movies.
You guys wanna watch them with me? I'll call granddad back later.
Okay.
I didn't know granddad called.
Do you guys wanna watch the movies with me? You're so funny.
Thanks.
It wasn't a joke, really.
It's more of a straightforward question.
If you guys are still mad, I, you know-- just leave the package out there.
Package? What pack--are you guys messing with me? Okay.
See you.
Bye.
I don't know.
Just bring me a bucket of fried chicken.
All right.
If you guys are mad at me, you could tell me to my face instead of-- Holy similar! Okay.
Who-- what are-- wait.
Okay.
And 23 inches.
Sam? Twenty-one inches.
Okay, "iCarly" fans, that proves it.
Jackson Colt's bicep is bigger than Sam's head.
Oh, yeah.
Hey.
Uh-oh.
Yeah, uh-oh.
Are you crazy? I told them we should stay home tonight.
Sam.
Hey, we're doing the interview for "iCarly.
" No, the interview is over.
Freddie, turn off the camera.
But we're live.
Spencer.
You just be quiet.
Hey, don't talk to the little girl that way.
I happened to be her-- I don't care who you are.
Whoa.
Look at your hand.
That is the beefiest hand I've ever seen.
Look at it.
It's like a baseball mitt.
Oh, now you're making fun of my hand.
All right.
Don't try to intimidate me.
I am a citizen of Seattle and I'm taking these kids home right now because I told them-- oh, God, I'm afraid.
Wait, don't-- We'll be right back.
Okay.
Just bring him right in here.
Where do you want him? Just put him on that couch.
Sure beans.
Spencer.
Okay.
I'll get the legs.
What has he been eating? Yeah.
There we go.
Right.
Right.
Oh, get his legs off me.
Oh.
There.
Thanks.
Yeah, and again, I'm really sorry.
I didn't know he's your brother.
Hey, don't worry about it.
Are you sure he's gonna be okay? Oh, yeah.
I didn't throw him hard enough to kill him or nothing.
I know he'll appreciate that.
Yeah.
Hey, should we go finish the show? You know, tell all the "iCarly" fans that Spencer is okay.
Yeah, we probably should.
Hey, you guys going up to do "iCarly"? Yeah.
Why? I was just thinking.
Maybe I-- me and the biceps could-- and here he is one more time in slow motion.
Yup.
That was Carly's brother airborne.
But no worries.
The doctor said Spencer's gonna regain consciousness any minute.
Okay.
Before we go-- uh-oh, looks like it's time for-- random dancing.
With Jackson Colt.
Ha, the bra.
Oooh, it's Jackson Colt.
And now, it's fake us.
Oh, I mean it, Carly.
You're grounded for two-- two weeks.
Why is Jackson Colt dancing with a bra?