Jersey Shore s02e11 Episode Script
Girls Like That
- WE'LL TYPE AN ANONYMOUS LETTER.
"RON MADE OUT WITH TWO GIRLS.
THEREFORE YOU SHOULD KNOW THE TRUTH.
" - THIS IS GONNA BE SO BAD.
- I FOUND THIS.
YOU ASKED FOR HER NUMBER? - I GOT HER NUMBER, YES.
- [bleep.]
YOU.
- WHO WROTE THE NOTE? YOU TWO.
- DID YOU GROW SOME BALLS ALL OF A SUDDEN? - FUNNY HOW PEOPLE BECOME [bleep.]
.
- I'M IN YOUR [bleep.]
FACE RIGHT NOW! - I'M IN YOUR [bleep.]
FACE TOO! - [yells.]
- I DON'T GIVE A [bleep.]
ABOUT ANYBODY IN THIS HOUSE.
- OKAY.
HOLD MY EARRINGS, PLEASE.
- AH! OH, OH, OH! - BRING IT ON, BITCH.
- [laughs.]
- AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GUYS HAVE NO HEARTS.
- GET OUT OF HERE.
- PEACE OUT, FAKE PEOPLE.
- BYE.
- YOU'RE A [bleep.]
LOSER.
[Get Crazy by LMFAO.]
- DJ PAULY DELVECCHIO! - I'M GOING TO THE JERSEY SHORE, BITCH! - ALL RIGHT, WE GOT A SITUATION.
- I'M THE SWEETEST BITCH YOU'LL EVER MEET.
- [laughing.]
- AFTER I HAVE SEX WITH A GUY, I WILL RIP THEIR HEADS OFF.
- GO, VINNY! GO, VINNY! - UM, HELLO! - Â IF YOU WANNA HAVE FUN AND DO SOMETHING CRAZY Â - Â THIS IS SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM Â Â ONE I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE Â Â EVERYBODY'S OPTIMISTIC Â - WAKE UP THIS MORNING, IT'S LIKE [exhales.]
IT'S LIKE A WEIGHT OFF EVERYONE'S SHOULDERS.
THE BAD AURA IN OUR HOUSE IS FINALLY GONE.
- LET'S--LET'S GET THAT BED OUT OF THAT ROOM SO SHE CAN'T COME BACK IN HERE.
- [laughs.]
- LET'S GET IT OUT OF HERE.
LET'S PUT IT OUTSIDE.
- THE ONLY THING LEFT IS HER DIRTY, DISGUSTING BED.
SO MIKE AND I DECIDE TO GET IT OUT OF OUR ROOM.
[mutters.]
- YO, SHE'S SO BIG, DOG, SHE BROKE THE BED, DOG.
- I SEEN THAT.
- OH, YEAH.
- REARRANGING THE ROOM! OH, YEAH! GONNA GET BUSTED.
MIKE! - WHAT? - GET ONE END OF THIS! - DON'T WORRY.
OH, YEAH.
GO YOUR WAY.
GO THAT WAY.
OH, YEAH.
GO YOUR WAY.
GO THAT WAY.
TO THE--NO, THE OTHER WAY, DOG.
WE GOT A SITUATION.
WE GOT TO COME OUT WITH THAT SIDE FIRST.
GO STRAIGHT INTO THE BATHROOM WITH THAT JOINT.
LEFT.
NO, NO, THE OTHER WAY.
- I'M STUCK.
- WAIT, BRING IT BACK OUT.
NOW ROTATE IT THIS WAY.
[bleep.]
CAN WE JIMMY IT OUT? OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
[loud banging.]
IT'S WORKING.
[metal clanging.]
- WE WANT EVERY SINGLE THING OUT OF THE ROOM.
OH, WOW.
THERE YOU GO, GIRL.
ANGELINA'S BED'S OUT OF HERE.
WE GOT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE.
WE CAN BRING GIRLS IN HERE.
WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT NOW.
OH, BRO, WE GOT SOME SHOES TO THROW OUT.
- GUESS WHAT.
YOU LEFT.
YOUR STUFF'S IN THE GARBAGE, GIRL.
[car alarm rings.]
- OH, THAT MIGHT'VE BEEN A PROBLEM.
[laughter.]
SOMEBODY'S FERRARI.
YO, WE CAN WORK OUT IN THIS ROOM NOW.
- YOU GOT THE WATER? - OOH, SMELLS LIKE LOBSTERS.
ARE THEY ALIVE? - WE'RE COOKING SOME LOBSTERS TONIGHT.
THIS IS A MEAL TO CELEBRATE THE FAMILY AND, UH, ANGELINA LEAVING.
- THEY'RE [bleep.]
ALIVE.
- DON'T FREAK ME OUT.
- [screams.]
STOP! - EVERY SINGLE THING THAT SNOOKI EATS IS LIVING AT ONE POINT.
SO IT JUST MAKES ME LAUGH THAT SHE'S NOT GONNA EAT LOBSTER BECAUSE IT'S LIVING.
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
- LET'S SAVE THEM.
- DO YOU KNOW IF THEY PUT ELASTIC BANDS AROUND MY CLAWS? - WHERE ARE WE GONNA PUT THEM? - ME AND JENNI DECIDED TO SAVE ONE OF THE LOBSTERS SO JENNI GETS A BOWL OF WATER.
SHE BRINGS IT INTO THE ROOM.
WE'LL KEEP IT AS A PET.
AND, YOU KNOW, WE'LL FEED IT AND SAVE IT.
I'M NOT SURE WHAT LOBSTERS EAT.
BUT I THINK THEY EAT, LIKE, INSECTS OR SOMETHING.
SO I WAS GONNA FEED THEM, LIKE, WORMS.
- YOU GRAB ONE SIDE, I GRAB THE OTHER.
[both scream.]
- [gasps.]
OH, NO.
IT'S UPSIDE DOWN.
- HE'S GONNA DROWN.
- THEY LIVE IN WATER.
- WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO? - WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE IT.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA SAVE IT, BROO.
- IT GOES IN SALT WATER, YOU IDIOT.
- OH, TAKE HIM OUT! - WELL, TAKE HIM OUT! - SOMETHING THAT LIVES IN SALT WATER, YOU PUT IN FRESHWATER, IT'S GONNA KILL IT FASTER THAN WE WERE GONNA KILL IT.
- WE WANT TO NAME HIM CHARLIE.
- WELL, CHARLIE'S DEAD! CHARLIE'S DEAD! - STOP IT! - CHARLIE'S FREAKING DEAD NOW! - WHAAAH.
WE TRIED.
- SNOOK, YOU WANT TO PUT IT IN? - NO.
- MIKE, IT SMELLS DELICIOUS, LIKE ALWAYS.
- TIME TO EAT! EVERYBODY TO THE DINNER TABLE! - JENNI, WANT TO SAY GRACE? - I KNOW, RIGHT? RIGHT AFTER ANGELINA LEAVES.
WE'RE THANKFUL THAT, UH, THERE'S STILL SEVEN OF US LEFT.
WHAT ELSE? AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU KNOW, NO MATTER WHAT PROBLEMS THAT WE HAVE, WE'RE TOGETHER.
- WE'RE A FAMILY.
I THINK WE'RE CLOSER.
- I'M CLOSER.
- I'M VERY HAPPY.
- SO TO OUR FIRST REAL FAMILY DINNER.
- YAY.
- YAY.
- LITTLE CELEBRATION.
- OH, YEAH.
CHAMPAGNE, YEAH.
OH, YEAH! - YAY! - OH! - THIS IS A LITTLE BIT FOR ANGELINA.
- I WAS KIND OF WORKING ON A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANGELINA, UM, TO BE HER FRIEND.
BUT, LIKE, NOW THAT SHE'S GONE, I'M ON MY OWN COMPLETELY.
AND IT SUCKS, BECAUSE NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO, BE UP RON'S ASS ALL THE TIME? LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO? I HAVE NO IDEA.
- CHEERS.
- CHEERS TO FAMILY.
- THE REAL FAMILY.
- [speaking gibberish.]
- AH, AMELIA.
- SUCH A SHAME.
- GOING "JACUZZING.
" - YEAH.
YEAH, I'M GONNA COME.
- HOW COME I CAN'T COME? - OH, YEAH! IN THE JACUZZI, YEAH! - LITTLE HOMOSEXUAL-- THREE GUYS IN A HOT TUB.
[laughter.]
- SO HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SAM? - I DON'T LIKE HER.
BUT I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE-- - SINCE, LIKE, THE BAD BITCH IS OUT OF THE HOUSE, I FEEL LIKE WE'RE A FAMILY AGAIN.
DON'T YOU WANT TO SQUASH IT? 'CAUSE I DO.
- I DO, AND I DON'T.
ME PUTTING MY NECK OUT ON THE LINE FOR SAM, AND SHE, LIKE, BASICALLY SMACKED ME IN MY FACE OVER IT.
WHY? 'CAUSE I WROTE YOU A NOTE ABOUT WHAT YOUR BOYFRIEND DID? - SO DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER? - TONIGHT? NOW? - COME ON.
I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE THAT I LOVE TO BE FIGHTING.
AND JENNI, SHE PRETTY MUCH DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE GIRL.
SHE'S LIKE, "JUST DROP IT.
" SO OBVIOUSLY, I NEED TO TALK TO SAM MYSELF.
I KIND OF WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
- ABOUT WHAT? - THE NOTE.
- DO YOU WANT TO COME TALK TO ME IN THE LIVING ROOM? - YEAH, IF YOU WANT.
- YEAH.
OKAY.
- SO, LIKE, THE WHOLE NOTE DEAL, I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT.
OBVIOUSLY, IT RUINED OUR FRIENDSHIP.
- MM-HMM.
- YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU.
AND IT'S SAD THAT WE DON'T HAVE THAT.
- I KNOW.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
- I APOLOGIZE FOR EVERYTHING.
IT WAS STUPID.
I WOULD LIKE TO MOVE ON FROM IT, IF YOU DO.
- WELL, I APPRECIATE YOU COMING UP TO ME.
UM, I ACTUALLY, LIKE, ENJOY MY TIME WITH YOU.
- [sighs.]
[laughter and cheers.]
- SAM DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME.
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.
SHE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
IT'S VERY AWKWARD.
AND I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
- I WILL NOT TALK TO JENNI.
I WILL NOT LOOK AT HER IN THE FACE-- SHE GROSSES ME OUT.
I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT GIRL.
- I HAVE TWO HOT-ASS GIRLS COMING TO THE HOUSE.
AND THEN I HAVE RAMONA, THE GIRL THAT'S BEEN STANDING ME UP, FINALLY AT THE HOUSE.
I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO?" - I DECIDE WHEN WE'RE GONNA LEAVE THE CLUB, AND THAT'S IT.
- Â WHY, OH, WHY, OH, WHY, OH, WHY Â - Â YOU GOT TO BE-- YOU GOT TO BE TWO-FACED? Â [laughter and cheers.]
 YOU GOT TO ACT YOU GOT TO ACT SO FAKE?   YEAH, YOU'RE SO FAKE  -  YOU ACT SO FAKE!  - LIKE, WHAT WE HAD BEFORE THE FIGHT, I THINK WAS AMAZING.
- IT WAS FUN.
I HAD FUN WITH YOU GUYS, BUT - SOMETHING I THINK I NEVER DONE BEFORE IN MY LIFE IS, LIKE, CHEW MY PRIDE BACK AND APOLOGIZE.
SO I AM SORRY, SAM.
- UM, THANK YOU.
I DON'T THINK JENNI'S APOLOGY WAS SINCERE.
IT TOOK HER FIVE WEEKS TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME, AND SHE KIND OF WAS JUST, LIKE, "UH, I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS, BUT I'M SORRY.
" - IT WAS ALL ANGELINA.
YOU KNOW, WITHOUT HER HERE, I THINK THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE WOULD'VE BEEN DIFFERENT.
- BUT NOW THAT SHE'S NOT HERE, WE CAN HAVE GIRL TIME AGAIN.
NO? - WELL, BABY STEPS.
EVEN THOUGH I SAID MY PIECE TO SAM, SHE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.
THAT'S WHAT PRISSY GIRLS DO.
- YEAH, I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA MOVE FORWARD.
WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
I DO NEED TO GET MY NAILS DONE.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.
AND I NEED SOMEBODY TO GO WITH.
- I USED TO BEAT GIRLS UP LIKE THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- WE SHOULD ALL GET PEDIS DONE.
I'LL BRING THE VODKA.
- [chuckles.]
- [chuckles.]
- OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
- WE HAD THAT TALK.
WE AIRED IT OUT.
WE GOT WHAT WE HAD TO SAY OUT.
AND NOW I FEEL LIKE IT'S ALL GOOD-- ALL GOOD IN THE HOOD.
OKAY.
- Â WE Â Â WILL NEVER BE THE SAME Â Â WE Â Â WILL ALWAYS BE CHANGED Â Â AND, LOVER, WE KNOW Â Â IN OUR SOULS WE'RE BEGGARS Â - ALL RIGHT, JENNI, LET'S ROLL.
LAUNDRY, TANNING, AND THEN GYM.
- I THINK WE'RE DOING THE SAME THING.
- WHATEVER.
THEY CAN DO THE SAME THING.
THERE'S TWO CARS.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING THE REST OF THE DAY? - NOTHING.
I DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS.
- I WAS GOING TO THE BEACH.
- UM - RAMONA IS THE SAME GIRL THAT I WAS WAITING TO GO ON A DOUBLE DATE WITH WITH PAULY.
WE GOT, LIKE, A SERIOUS DOUBLE, LIKE, YOU KNOW? - IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S TOO SERIOUS SINCE SHE'S LATE RIGHT NOW.
- SHE'S NOT ANSWERING.
I REALLY LIKE THE GIRL.
YOU KNOW, I NEVER, EVER SPOKE BAD ABOUT RAMONA, EVEN WHEN SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR THE DATE.
- OKAY, CAN WE MEET IN, LIKE, A HALF AN HOUR? - YOU SURE? - LET'S DO IT.
YES.
- ALL RIGHT.
BYE.
- BYE.
- SHE ACTUALLY APOLOGIZED TO ME.
SO TODAY I'M GOING TO TAKE RAMONA TO THE BEACH, HANG OUT, HAVE A COUPLE DRINKS, WATCH SOME WAVES, AND RELAX.
- ALL RIGHT, PIMP.
TELL THE BEACH I SAID "WHAT'S UP?" - HAVE TO DO, LIKE, 45 MINUTES OF CARDIO.
- THAT'S THE MAIN THING.
- YOU GOING TO LAUNDRY FIRST? - YEAH, DO LAUNDRY FIRST.
- I HAVE A BAG PACKED WITH DRINKS READY TO GO AND, YOU KNOW, THINGS TO DO FOR THE BEACH.
UGH.
BUT RAMONA IS TAKING A LITTLE WHILE TO COME TO THE HOUSE.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS, BECAUSE SHE HAS NOT SHOWN UP IN THE PAST.
I'M WAITING A COUPLE HOURS, AND I'M LIKE, "THIS GIRL IS GONNA DO THIS AGAIN TO ME.
" [line trilling.]
- THE MAILBOX BELONGING TO [phone rings.]
- HELLO.
- CAN I SPEAK TO VINNY? - PICK UP THE PHONE-- TWO DIFFERENT GIRLS, HOT-ASS GIRLS.
- I'M, LIKE, BY THE BEACH RIGHT NOW.
- ARE YOU? I MIGHT GO TO THE BEACH.
SOMETHING DEEP INSIDE IS TELLING ME, "YOU WAITED ALL THIS TIME.
GIVE RAMONA FIVE MORE MINUTES TO GO.
" ALL RIGHT, I'LL CALL YOU BACK IN, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- SO FIVE MINUTES PASSES BY, AND RAMONA DOESN'T CALL ME.
SO AT THAT POINT, I PICK UP THE PHONE, TELL THESE TWO GIRLS TO MEET ME AT THE HOUSE.
CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE OUTSIDE.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- I'M READY TO GO DO MY OWN THING.
[phone rings.]
HELLO? - I'M LOOKING FOR YOU, BUT I CAN'T FIND YOU.
I KNOW.
SO RIGHT NOW I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO?" I HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK IN ONE MINUTE.
- OKAY, BYE.
- ALL RIGHT.
I HAVE TWO HOT-ASS GIRLS COMING TO THE HOUSE.
I HAVE RAMONA, WHO IS STANDING ME UP ON DATES, KEEP ME WAITING HOURS, WHO'S FINALLY AT THE HOUSE.
I COULD PICK EITHER ONE AT THIS POINT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
HEY, YO, YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME.
- YOU SHOULD COME WITH US.
THERE'S NO BOYS HERE.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - TO GET A DRINK AND LAY BY THE POOL.
- AWKWARD, 'CAUSE NICOLE HAS RYDER.
WHO WOULD IT BE, ME AND JENNI HANGING OUT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
- Â HOT GIRLS IN BIKINIS, WHERE YOU AT? Â - I HAVE TWO HOT-ASS GIRLS COMING TO THE HOUSE.
AND THEN I HAVE RAMONA, THE GIRL THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO HANG OUT WITH FOR DAYS NOW, FINALLY AT THE HOUSE.
I COULD PICK EITHER ONE AT THIS POINT.
[line trilling.]
- HELLO? - HEY, YO, YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME.
I DON'T KNOW IF ANY MAN WOULD'VE MADE THIS DECISION.
I'M SORRY.
OH, [bleep.]
.
HEY.
I'M GONNA STRANGLE YOU.
HI.
I GO WITH THE GIRL THAT'S BEEN KEEPING ME WAITING.
YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO KEEP THINGS INTERESTING.
LET ME TELL YOU.
I'M BIG ON MY GUT FEELINGS, YOU KNOW? AND SINCE I MET RAMONA, SINCE I LOOKED HER IN THE EYE, I KNEW I HAD TO HANG OUT WITH THIS GIRL.
I'M JUST HAPPY TO SEE YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I CAME PREPARED.
THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW YOU MADE A GOOD DRINK, WHEN IT FIZZES LIKE THAT.
- CHEERS.
- SALUTE.
THANKS FOR COMING.
FINALLY.
NOROC? - NOROC.
- NOROC.
HOW BIG IS ROMANIA? IT'S SMALL? - IT LOOKS LIKE A FISH.
- REALLY? - YEAH.
IF YOU LOOK AT THE MAP, IT LOOKS JUST LIKE A FISH.
- WHERE THE HELL IS IT? - IT'S MIDDLE-EASTERN EUROPE.
IT'S, LIKE, RIGHT OVER THERE.
- [laughs.]
- [laughs.]
- RAMONA'S THE MOST INTERESTING GIRL I'VE MET HERE.
SHE'S FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY.
SHE SPEAKS THREE LANGUAGES.
GREAT PERSONALITY, AND JUST SO HAPPENS THAT WE'RE REALLY HITTING IT OFF.
- Â IN YOUR BODY FULL OF STARS Â Â CONSTELLATIONS MADE OF SCARS Â - HOPE YOU CAN SWIM.
- Â CALLS A TIME WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG Â Â BODY BAKING IN THE SUN Â Â HOW I HOPE THAT YOU CAN SEE Â Â I SEE YOU INNOCENT AND FREE Â Â THAT'S THE WAY THAT YOU WILL STAY Â Â WITH THE PASSING OF YOUR DAYS Â Â BE IN LOVE WITH YOU TONIGHT Â Â BESIDE AN OLD HOUSE Â - Â I'M SPRUNG Â [laughs.]
- Â CAN BE ANYONE WHEN DAY COMES DOWN Â Â WHOO! Â - I THINK RAMONA IS FEELING ME.
OUR NEXT DATE, YOU KNOW, I HOPE TO INVITE HER OUT.
MAYBE INTRODUCE HER TO THE GROUP.
AND SEE WHERE WE GO FROM THERE.
- YOU KNOW MY CHEEKS HURT FROM SMILING.
- COME ON.
YOU SAID YOU LAUGH ALL THE TIME.
ARE YOU GONNA COME OUT AGAIN OR NO? YOU PROMISE? - I'M GONNA KICK IT WITH YOU.
- ALL RIGHT.
BYE.
- Â BE IN LOVE WITH YOU TONIGHT Â Â BESIDE AN OLD HOUSE FULL OF LIGHT Â Â CITY COLD AND FAR AWAY Â Â CAN BE ANYONE WHEN DAY COMES DOWN Â - THINK SOME FIREWORKS WENT OFF IN THE AIR.
I'LL CALL YOU.
BYE, BABY.
- YO, IS ANY ONE OF THEM COOKIES, BRO? - THERE'S CHOCOLATE CAKE.
[phone rings.]
- HELLO? - HI.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'M COMING IN TOMORROW.
HEY, HEY! - I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE RYDER.
SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND FROM BACK AT HOME.
AND SHE'S COMING TOMORROW.
IT'S GONNA BE AN AMAZING TIME.
ARE YOU DRINKING? - YES.
- YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SOBER.
- LIKE, I'M GONNA COME THERE TOMORROW.
- YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
WHAT TIME IS YOUR FLIGHT? - UM, I'M GONNA GET THERE TOMORROW AT 10:00.
- HOLD ON.
CAN YOU TELL HER? 'CAUSE SHE'S [bleep.]
RETARDED.
- SHE'S DRUNK RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH.
- HI, BABY.
- HEY, HEY! - YOU HAVE TO BE AT JFK NO LATER THAN 7:30.
- MY FLIGHT LEAVES AT 6:30 SO MY FRIEND IS DRIVING ME AT 9:30.
- SHE'S AN IDIOT.
- WOW.
ALL RIGHT.
- I DON'T KNOW.
I'M LEAVING--I'M LEAVING MY APARTMENT AT 12:30.
- YOU HAVE TO BE ON A PLANE AT 12:30.
- WHAT? - WISH THERE WAS A SPEAKERPHONE.
- YEAH, ME TOO.
- OH, MY GOD.
THIS GIRL IS LITERALLY ON A SHIP TAKING OFF TO, LIKE, A DIFFERENT PLANET RIGHT NOW.
LIKE, IT'S JUST NOT EVEN WORTH TALKING TO.
HOLD ON.
HOLD ON.
- HELLO? THE STATE THAT SHE'S IN RIGHT NOW, IF I WERE HERE, I WOULDN'T WAKE UP.
WHY ARE YOU DRUNK RIGHT NOW? - [speaks indistinctly.]
.
UM, I'M NOT DRINKING.
[laughs.]
- NOW WHEN I SEE YOU, YOU'RE GONNA BE HUNGOVER TOMORROW.
- I'LL BE FINE.
- I LOVE YOU.
BYE.
- SNOOK, YOU KNOW SHE'S GONNA MISS THE FLIGHT.
- WHAT THE [bleep.]
? SHE'S DRUNK.
WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T WAKE UP TOMORROW, SHE MISSES HER FLIGHT, AND THEN I DON'T SEE HER? - Â I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S COMING OR GOING Â - I NEED RYDER TO REMIND ME OF BACK HOME.
SO HOPEFULLY I WILL GET TO SEE HER TOMORROW.
- Â IF YOU'RE COMING OR GOING Â - DON'T BE SAD.
- I NEED TO SEE RYDER.
- YOU WAKE UP, SHE'LL COME.
- Â I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE COMING OR GOING Â Â MY EYES CAN'T SEE WHAT MY EYES DON'T SEE Â - [screams.]
- SITUATION'S BEING WAY TOO AGGRESSIVE.
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THESE GIRLS.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MAKE? - A DRINK.
- SANGRIA, ORANGE JUICE, VODKA.
BARBECUE SAUCE.
- COCONUT MILK.
- ICE CREAM! CHEERS.
- EW.
[number pad beeping.]
- WHO YOU CALLING? - RYDER.
[line trilling.]
- AT THE TONE, PLEASE RE-- - [breathes deeply.]
THIS SUCKS.
[knocking at door.]
- NICOLE! - [screams.]
REALLY? - [screams.]
- [laughs.]
OH, MY GOD.
- STOP IT.
- [wails.]
- STOP IT! YOU'RE GONNA MAKING ME CRY.
I HATE YOU.
- I'M JUST SO EXCITED TO TAKE HER OUT, TO SHOW HER MIAMI, AND PARTY.
YAY! I WANT TO GET A SUNDRESS, 'CAUSE IT'S LIKE MY ASS IS HANGING OUT.
- OH, THOSE ARE MAD CUTE.
- I'M GONNA GET A BULLDOG.
OH, MY NIPPLES ARE OUT.
I'M NOT WEARING A BRA.
- [laughs.]
- WELCOME TO MIAMI.
- I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW.
- [laughs.]
- I WAS LIKE, "OKAY, ONE DRINK, LIKE, COOL.
" I DIDN'T KNOW I'D HAVE FIVE.
- CHEERS.
I THINK ME AND RYDER ARE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS, AND WE CLICK SO WELL JUST BECAUSE, LIKE, WE'RE THE SAME PERSON.
SHE'S REAL.
I'M REAL.
SHE LIKES TO PARTY.
I LIKE TO PARTY.
AND EVERY TIME WE'RE TOGETHER PRETTY MUCH JUST GO CRAZY AND BE STUPID.
[both cheering.]
- THIS IS GONNA BE YOU.
THIS GONNA BE YOU.
- WHOO.
- THIS IS REALLY STRONG.
- [both cheering.]
- PAULY, STOP IT.
- BRO.
COME ON, BRO.
GET DRESSED.
STOP PLAYING.
- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? - A DRESS THAT I BOUGHT JUST FOR YOU.
- EVERY TIME I GO OUT, I DO GOOD WITH THE VEST.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS IS THE KEY TO THE WHOLE OUTFIT RIGHT HERE.
OH, YEAH.
- LOOKS LIKE HALLOWEEN.
- CABS ARE HERE! CABS ARE HERE! CABS ARE HERE! - YO.
- YOU LOOK LIKE A CHIPPENDALES DANCER.
- A VERY RELIGIOUS ONE.
- [laughs.]
- Â WHAT'S YOUR NAME? Â Â WHERE YOU FROM? Â Â WHAT YOU GOT, YEAH? Â Â Â Â GOT IT, BABY, PRETTY BABY Â Â DO YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR NAME IN LIGHTS? Â Â 'CAUSE I CAN DO THIS Â Â AND I CAN DO THAT Â Â SO DO YOU THINK IT COULD BE WORTH A NIGHT TOGETHER? Â Â Â Â SUPERSTAR Â Â SUPERSTAR Â - THE SCENE WAS AWFUL.
THERE WAS A LOT OF GRENADES AND USUALLY KLUTCH ISN'T LIKE THAT.
YOU GOT TO BE REAL CAREFUL, 'CAUSE A GRENADE WILL BLOW UP ANYWHERE.
STAND CLEAR.
SAFETY FIRST.
- I GO HARD FULL--FULL BOAT ALL THE TIME.
DOESN'T MATTER HOW HOT THE CHICK IS, I'M AGGRESSIVE.
- [screams.]
- BACK IN THE DAY, THEY HAD THE PROPHECY THAT ONE DAY THERE WOULD BE A PIMP OF ALL PIMPS, AND HIS NAME WOULD BE THE SITUATION.
- EW! - I KNOW.
PAULY.
- SITUATION'S BEING WAY TOO AGGRESSIVE.
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THESE GIRLS.
BUT IT WORKS IN MY BENEFIT 100%, 'CAUSE THE GIRLS SEE HOW NICE I AM AND HOW SMOOTH I AM.
- WHEN IT'S TIME TO LEAVE, THIS IS WHAT I DO.
I ROUND UP EVERYBODY, AND I MAKE SURE EVERYBODY'S OKAY, AND WE ALL LEAVE TOGETHER.
- MIKE COMES UP TO ME.
HE'S LIKE, "WE GOT TO GO.
" "UM, NO.
I'M NOT LEAVING.
" HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYBODY BUT HIMSELF.
AND HE JUST WANTS TO DO HIS OWN THING WHEN HE WANTS TO ON HIS OWN TIME.
AND I'M NOT DEALING WITH IT.
- I'M, LIKE, TRYING TO, LIKE, WAKE HER UP, LIKE, "YO, WE'RE LEAVING.
" AND SHE'S GETTING ALL UPSET.
WHEN SNOOKS IS DRUNK, IT'S HARD TO EVEN TALK TO HER.
IT'S HARD TO EVEN MAKE SENSE AND STUFF WITH HER.
SHE'S LIKE A LOOSE CANNON.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME AN ATTITUDE FOR TRYING TO, LIKE, ROUND EVERYBODY UP? YOU KNOW, GET OUT OF HERE.
- HERE WE GO AGAIN.
THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE LEAVING.
- WHEN SNOOKS IS DRUNK, SHE'S LIKE A LOOSE CANON.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME AN ATTITUDE FOR TRYING TO, LIKE, ROUND EVERYBODY UP? YOU KNOW, GET OUT OF HERE.
YO, PAULY, LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THE [bleep.]
OUT OF HERE.
- I GET SO [bleep.]
PISSED OFF BECAUSE HE'S PISSING ME OFF.
THE FACT THAT MY MOOD IS NOW RUINED, I JUST WANT TO GO TO BED.
YOU DIDN'T APOLOGIZE.
I WAS IN THE KITCHEN WITH YOU, AND YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME.
- YOU OKAY, BOO? - LET ME KNOW WHEN MIKE IS OUT OF THE KITCHEN, PLEASE.
- HE'S NOT GONNA BE OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
- SHE ACTS LIKE SHE'S 10 YEARS OLD.
SHE'S, LIKE, TWENTY-[bleep.]
-THREE.
- WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HANG OUT ALL NIGHT.
- I KNOW.
BUT HE'S [bleep.]
RUINING IT.
HE'S RUINING EVERYTHING.
HE'S RUINING [bleep.]
EVERYTHING.
I'M NOT GONNA SIT IN MY BED AND [bleep.]
CRY.
I JUST WANT TO GO OUT AND HAVE FUN.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.
YO, PAULY, LET'S GO! - WHAT ARE WE DOING? - TANNING, LAUNDRY, GYM.
- ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
- YEAH, CABANA CHAIRS.
- SO WE GET READY TO GO OUT TO EAT, YOU KNOW, HAVE A COUPLE DRINKS, AND HAVE FUN.
- IT'S ALMOST 2:00.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M READY.
- HELLO.
- HEY.
YOU SHOULD COME WITH US.
THERE'S NO BOYS HERE.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - XO TO GET A DRINK AND LAY BY THE POOL.
COME WITH US.
DON'T STAY IN THIS HOUSE.
I'M JUST TRYING TO BE, YOU KNOW, A REALLY GOOD FRIEND TO SAM.
YOU KNOW, I MISS HANGING OUT WITH HER.
THIS IS, LIKE, MY PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO INVITE THE GIRL OUT SO SHE CAN REUNITE WITH THE GIRLS AGAIN.
- OR ARE YOU GONNA STAY HERE FOR AN HOUR AND WAIT FOR RON? - NO, I KNOW.
WHAT DO I--WHAT TO DO? 'CAUSE I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO GO TO THE GYM WITH HIM, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO WAIT FOR HIM.
- YOU'LL HAVE A FUNNER TIME LAYING IN THE SUN HAVING A MIAMI VICE.
- I KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
AWKWARD, 'CAUSE DO I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH NICOLE, RYDER, AND JENNI? NO, BECAUSE NICOLE HAS RYDER.
WHO WOULD IT BE? ME AND JENNI HANGING OUT? LIKE, I JUST-- I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT? - ARE YOU GONNA STAY HERE? - YEAH.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, BYE.
BYE.
- BYE.
WHOO! HOO! WHAH! IS THAT OUR HOUSE? - YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- WHERE'S EVERYBODY? - PAULY AND MIKE ARE DOING G.
T.
L.
AND THE GIRLS JUST LEFT, LIKE, TWO SECONDS AGO.
THEY'RE--THEY WENT TO XO BAR.
THEY ASKED ME TO GO.
SHOULD I HAVE WENT WITH THEM? - SAM'S A GROWN WOMAN.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD.
I THINK SHE'S CAPABLE OF MAKING HER OWN DECISIONS.
BUT THEN IT'S, LIKE, EVERY DAY SHE'S ASKING ME WHAT TO DO, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YOU WANT ME TO BE HONEST, I'M GOING TO BE HONEST.
- DO YOU THINK I SHOULD'VE WEN WITH THEM OR NO? - YOU KNOW YOU WEREN'T GONNA HANG OUT WITH SNOOKI, THOUGH.
- 'CAUSE HER FRIEND'S THERE, RIGHT? - YEAH.
- SO IT WOULD'VE BEEN AWKWARD.
- YEAH.
- IT'S NICE, THOUGH, OF NICOLE TO ASK ME TO GO.
[Snooki and Ryder yelling jibberish.]
- NICOLE AND RYDER-- THEIR COMMUNICATIONS ARE HYSTERICAL.
[continue yelling jibberish.]
THEY DON'T REALLY TALK TO EACH OTHER.
THEY MORE OR LESS GRUNT.
[Snooki and Ryder grunting.]
- EH? - AY.
- EE-EE-EE-EE-EE.
- EE-EE-EE-EE-EE.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO GET A DRINK.
- YEAH.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MAKE? - A DRINK.
RAH RAH.
- WHAT DO I HAVE? OH, WE HAVE MIXERS.
NO, THAT'S KETCHUP.
- THAT'S KETCHUP, YOU FREAK.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? - SYRUP.
- YUM.
- SYRUP AND, UM BARBECUE SAUCE AND SOME OLIVES.
- OLIVE JUICE.
- WAIT, WHAT CAN WE MAKE? SANGRIA, ORANGE JUICE, AND VODKA.
- PEANUT BUTTER, COCONUT MILK.
- OLIVE OIL.
- SOME MARINARA.
- COTTAGE CHEESE.
YOU'RE GONNA [bleep.]
MIX MARINARA? EW.
- WHAT ELSE CAN WE MIX IT WITH? - LET ME SEE.
DO YOU LIKE OLIVES? ICE CREAM! - [gasps.]
- [bleep.]
ICE CREAM.
- [laughs.]
RAH.
- REH.
SO WE DECIDED TO GET THE BLENDER.
AND I'M PRETTY MUCH LIKE, "OKAY.
"WELL, I'M THE WORST BARTENDER IN THE WORLD.
HOW DO I MAKE A DRINK?" EW.
IT'S LIKE A TURD THAT WON' GET OFF YOUR ASS[bleep.]
.
- THAT'S DISGUSTING.
[laughter.]
YOU KNOW THAT'S GONNA EXPLODE.
- YEAH.
THAT'S AWESOME! - LET'S DO IT.
- LET'S DO IT.
- [squeals.]
- RAH.
[both rolling tongues.]
[overlapping shouting.]
- [gasps.]
WHAT THE HELL? IT'S REALLY DISGUSTING.
- [laughs.]
- IT TASTED LIKE ASS[bleep.]
.
WE NEED MORE [bleep.]
ALCOHOL.
DO YOU WANT TO GO THE ALCOHOL SHOP? - YES.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT.
BYE! OH, IT'S STILL LIGHT OUT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS [bleep.]
DARK.
- THIS IT? ORANGE JUICE, HAWAIIAN PUNCH - THIS ISN'T ALCOHOL.
WHAT WERE WE TRYING TO MAKE? WHAT IS THIS? - BUT THEN YOU NEED RUM.
- SO GET RUM.
THANK YOU! OY.
WAIT, LET ME FIX MY BUTT CHEEKS.
- YOU LOOKING GOOD, GIRL.
- WHERE ARE WE? - I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, [bleep.]
.
- HEY.
- WHAT'S UP, GUYS? YO, WE'RE GONNA GO TO KLUTCH TONIGHT.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
- I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT, BABY.
NOW NOBODY'S DRUNK.
- NO, THERE NEEDS TO BE A BIGGER TALK THAN THAT.
I NEED MORE THAN A "SORRY.
" I NEED, LIKE, A CONVERSATION, LIKE, YOU KNOW, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHAT THE [bleep.]
IS WRONG WITH YOU?" - I GOT YOU.
- AT LEAST HE KNOWS HE WAS WRONG.
STILL GOT TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.
I'M REALLY PISSED OFF.
AND MAYBE I WILL TAKE THAT APOLOGY, OR I WON'T.
YEAH, I DON'T TAKE APOLOGIES LIKE THAT.
SORRY.
- SNOOKI IS A DRAMA QUEEN.
SHE LIKES TO GET CODDLED.
AND I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.
- JUST NOT SAYING YOU'RE SORRY IS GONNA FIX IT.
YOU STARTED THE FIGHT, SO GET UP AND, YOU KNOW, MAKE--MAKE THE MOOD HAPPY AGAIN, BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
- VINNY'S GIRL IS ONE OF THE HOTTEST GIRLS I'VE SEEN IN MIAMI, DEFINITELY.
YOU DON'T WANT TO LEAVE A CHICK LIKE THAT BY HERSELF.
- "MY [bleep.]
BEST FRIEND IS HERE "AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO [bleep.]
LEAVE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS KID EVER AGAIN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
- FOUR CUPS OF ICE.
- TELL ME WHEN.
- OKAY, BABE.
- ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE EXCITED.
[gasps.]
LET'S MAKE A REALLY GOOD DESIGN ON THE BOARD.
- OKAY.
- OKAY.
EW, THAT'S TOO SMALL! DO IT BIGGER! - THAT'S HOW SMALL YOU ARE.
LOOK AT YOUR POOF AT YOUR GOGGLES.
- SKINNY DRESS.
THAT LOOKS LIKE PAULY.
- HE'S, LIKE, THIS.
MM, MM, MM.
- DRAW MIKE.
LIKE, HE HAS BIG, LIKE, UPPER ARMS, BUT, LIKE, NO, LIKE, BODY.
- NO, THAT'S HIS HAND ON YOUR BUTT.
[both laughing.]
- RYDER DREW EVERYONE.
IT WAS SO, SO FUNNY.
JENNI LOOKS LIKE JENNI.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
IT WAS PERFECT.
CHEERS, LOVE YOU.
- WHAT'D YOU PUT IN IT? - JUST DRINK IT.
- EW.
- KISSING MY OWN MUSCLES.
[chuckles.]
- EW.
LOOK HOW THEY MADE MY LEGS.
EW.
- DO YOU WANT TO BRING HOME BOYS TONIGHT? LAST NIGHT WAS THE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
- I HAVE NO WORDS.
[both laughing.]
- OH, YEAH! SO ME AND RYDER WANT TO JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, GO TO THE [bleep.]
CLUB, AND DANCE AND, LIKE, GO CRAZY.
- SO, SAM, WE'RE GOING TO THE CLUB TONIGHT.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO TO GET READY? DO YOU MASTURBATE BEFORE? - DO YOU? - NO.
- ME EITHER.
- OKAY.
- ANYWAY.
- FEEL HER BOOBS.
DID YOU FEEL HER BOOBS YET? THEN FEEL YOURS.
WHAH! - I LIKE MY LITTLE BOOBS.
- I LIKE HER BOOBS.
- MY LITTLE BABY BOOBS.
[chuckles.]
- HELLO.
PALACE OF LOVE.
ALL RIGHT, NO PROBLEM.
BYE.
THE CABS ARE HERE! THE CABS ARE HERE! - LET'S GO.
- T-SHIRT TIME! - I DON'T FEEL LIKE I LOOK NICE.
- SHUT UP.
- WE'RE ALL DANCING AND HAVING A GOOD TIME, FIST PUMPING.
SNOOKI AND RYDER AND JENNI ARE DANCING ON TOP OF TABLES.
BUT EVERYONE'S TOGETHER.
IT FEELS GREAT.
AND RAMONA SHOWED UP.
SCENE GETS A LOT BETTER.
- YO, VINNY'S GIRL IS LOOKING SMOKING.
THIS IS ONE OF THE HOTTEST GIRLS I'VE SEEN IN MIAMI, DEFINITELY.
YOU DON'T WANT TO LEAVE A CHICK LIKE THAT BY HERSELF.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A PIMP.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S HOW IT IS.
MY GRANDPAPPY WAS A PIMP.
HIS GRANDPAPPY WAS A PIMP.
SO I'M ABOUT TO GET TO BUSINESS RIGHT NOW.
- I SEE MIKE TALKING TO RAMONA.
AND HE KIND OF, LIKE, PULLS A LITTLE BIT OF THE ROBBERY.
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO MY DUDE VINNY.
- I'M WORRIED THAT MIKE WILL STRAIGHT UP GRAB THIS GIRL AND, LIKE, KISS HER JUST TO BE THE MAN, BECAUSE HE'S ALWAYS HOOKING UP WITH THE SAME GIRLS I'M HOOKING UP WITH.
HAPPENED IN JERSEY.
IT'S HAPPENING OUT THERE.
MIKE MIGHT HAVE A SECRET POSSIBLE OBSESSION WITH ME.
- OH, MY GOD.
- ME AND PAULY ARE STARING AT MIKE STARE HARD AT, LIKE, RAMONA AND--AND VINNY AND JUST, LIKE, GETTING REALLY ANGRY.
I'VE NEVER SEEN MIKE LIKE THAT.
AND I THINK HE WAS JUST, LIKE, REALLY HATING THAT EVERYONE WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME.
- SNOOKI IS BEING SNOOKI.
SHE'S HAVING A GOOD TIME.
SHE'S DANCING.
RYDER'S DANCING.
JENNI'S DANCING.
LOOKS LIKE EVERYBODY'S HAVING A GOOD TIME.
AND SITUATION'S JUST SITTING THERE WITH NO CHICK, AND HE'S WATCHING THE SHOW.
- OBVIOUSLY, MIKE'S NOT GETTING GIRLS, SO WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO? HE COMES OVER TO ME AND STARTS TO KISS ME.
AND I KIND OF PUSHED HIM BACK, AND I WAS, LIKE, "UGH.
" HIS MAIN GOAL IS TO GET GIRLS, AND WHEN HE DOESN'T HAVE GIRLS, HE'S A VERY, VERY DIFFERENT PERSON.
HE'S MEAN, AND HE JUST WANTS TO GO HOME AND GO TO BED.
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
HE'S LIKE, "WE GOT TO GO.
" HE'S LIKE, "WE'RE LEAVING.
" AND I WAS LIKE, "THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE LEAVING.
" AND THEN HE SLAPS ME IN THE MOUTH.
- I'M, LIKE, THE LEADER OF THIS GROUP.
I'M THE [bleep.]
DADDY OF THIS HOUSE.
I SAY WHAT GOES.
AND IF I SAY WE'RE LEAVING, WE'RE LEAVING.
- Â I DON'T WANT NO SYMPATHY, GIRL Â - Â THAT'S THE LAST YOU'RE GIVING, I'M SURE Â - DON'T [bleep.]
SLAP ME IN THE FACE AND TELL ME THAT I NEED TO GO HOME.
- Â BE THE MAN YOU WANT ME TO Â Â BUT ALL I EVER GET FROM YOU Â Â IS SILENCE, OH Â - IF SOMEBODY GRABBED MY FACE, I WOULD LISTEN THE FIRST TIME.
AND I WOULD BE LIKE, "I'M EITHER LEAVING, OR I'M STAYING.
" NOT, LIKE, EHHH.
- MIKE USED TO BE REALLY COOL.
NOW SINCE WE'RE IN MIAMI, HE'S BEEN, LIKE, A CREEP.
AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE HANGING AROUND WITH HIM.
- I KIND OF FEEL BAD FOR SNOOKI.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT SITCH'S PROBLEM IS.
HE'S JUST BEING NEGATIVE AND BEING SOUR.
AND HE'S NOT FUN TO BE AROUND WHEN HE'S LIKE THAT.
- SO WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK INSIDE? - BECAUSE HE WILL SMACK YOU IN THE FACE.
HE DOESN'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS WITH MIKE LATELY.
LIKE, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE HE'S JUST, LIKE, JUST ON THE EDGE.
NO PATIENCE WHATSOEVER FOR ANYBODY ELSE.
HE JUST THINKS IT'S HIS WORLD.
- JUST BECAUSE HE CAN'T GET NO [bleep.]
DOESN'T MEAN HE HAS TO [bleep.]
TELL US ALL TO LEAVE.
- [bleep.]
YELL AT ME WHEN I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME WITH MY BEST FRIEND! MY [bleep.]
BEST FRIEND IS HERE, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO [bleep.]
LEAVE? ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU [bleep.]
SERIOUS? - MIKE IS GETTING ON OUR NERVES.
AND HE IS GETTING OVERWHELMING.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP.
AND HE TAKES THINGS TOO FAR.
WE ALL SEEN IT.
WE ALL HEARD IT.
AND WE'RE ALL TIRED OF IT.
- "I'M GONNA [bleep.]
YOU UP.
I DON'T GIVE A [bleep.]
.
" - GO BACK IN.
[bleep.]
HIM.
- IF I SEE HIM, I'M GONNA [bleep.]
HIM UP.
- Â MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT AFTER ALL Â Â MAYBE I'M JUST BAD NEWS Â Â I'VE BEEN DROWNING IN MEMORIES Â Â CALL IT RESIDUAL BLUES Â Â Â Captioning by CaptionMax - I WAS ACTUALLY ABOUT TO CRY, 'CAUSE I'M LIKE, "MIKE'S GONNA RUIN IT.
I FEEL IT COMING.
HE'S GONNA RUIN THE NIGHT.
" I'M LIKE, "ARE YOU [bleep.]
KIDDING ME?" - UH-OH.
SOMEBODY OPEN THE DOOR.
[fire alarm beeping.]
[siren wailing.]
- WE GOT A SITUATION.
- FOR A FIREMAN TO, LIKE, COME PUT OUT MY FIRE LITERALLY, THAT'S HOT.
- LET'S GO.
- THESE GIRLS ARE 100% D.
T.
F.
THAT'S WHY I GRABBED THESE TWO.
- SHE DOESN'T DRINK, AND SHE DOESN'T HOOK UP WITH PEOPLE.
- SO SHE DOESN'T DRINK OR HOOK UP WITH PEOPLE? IT'S KIND OF LATE RIGHT NOW, BABY GIRL.
IF YOU'RE COMING HOME AT, LIKE, 4:30, 5:00 A.
M.
, THIS IS SMASH TIME.
SURE I CAN'T CALL THE TAXI FOR YOU?
"RON MADE OUT WITH TWO GIRLS.
THEREFORE YOU SHOULD KNOW THE TRUTH.
" - THIS IS GONNA BE SO BAD.
- I FOUND THIS.
YOU ASKED FOR HER NUMBER? - I GOT HER NUMBER, YES.
- [bleep.]
YOU.
- WHO WROTE THE NOTE? YOU TWO.
- DID YOU GROW SOME BALLS ALL OF A SUDDEN? - FUNNY HOW PEOPLE BECOME [bleep.]
.
- I'M IN YOUR [bleep.]
FACE RIGHT NOW! - I'M IN YOUR [bleep.]
FACE TOO! - [yells.]
- I DON'T GIVE A [bleep.]
ABOUT ANYBODY IN THIS HOUSE.
- OKAY.
HOLD MY EARRINGS, PLEASE.
- AH! OH, OH, OH! - BRING IT ON, BITCH.
- [laughs.]
- AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GUYS HAVE NO HEARTS.
- GET OUT OF HERE.
- PEACE OUT, FAKE PEOPLE.
- BYE.
- YOU'RE A [bleep.]
LOSER.
[Get Crazy by LMFAO.]
- DJ PAULY DELVECCHIO! - I'M GOING TO THE JERSEY SHORE, BITCH! - ALL RIGHT, WE GOT A SITUATION.
- I'M THE SWEETEST BITCH YOU'LL EVER MEET.
- [laughing.]
- AFTER I HAVE SEX WITH A GUY, I WILL RIP THEIR HEADS OFF.
- GO, VINNY! GO, VINNY! - UM, HELLO! - Â IF YOU WANNA HAVE FUN AND DO SOMETHING CRAZY Â - Â THIS IS SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM Â Â ONE I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE Â Â EVERYBODY'S OPTIMISTIC Â - WAKE UP THIS MORNING, IT'S LIKE [exhales.]
IT'S LIKE A WEIGHT OFF EVERYONE'S SHOULDERS.
THE BAD AURA IN OUR HOUSE IS FINALLY GONE.
- LET'S--LET'S GET THAT BED OUT OF THAT ROOM SO SHE CAN'T COME BACK IN HERE.
- [laughs.]
- LET'S GET IT OUT OF HERE.
LET'S PUT IT OUTSIDE.
- THE ONLY THING LEFT IS HER DIRTY, DISGUSTING BED.
SO MIKE AND I DECIDE TO GET IT OUT OF OUR ROOM.
[mutters.]
- YO, SHE'S SO BIG, DOG, SHE BROKE THE BED, DOG.
- I SEEN THAT.
- OH, YEAH.
- REARRANGING THE ROOM! OH, YEAH! GONNA GET BUSTED.
MIKE! - WHAT? - GET ONE END OF THIS! - DON'T WORRY.
OH, YEAH.
GO YOUR WAY.
GO THAT WAY.
OH, YEAH.
GO YOUR WAY.
GO THAT WAY.
TO THE--NO, THE OTHER WAY, DOG.
WE GOT A SITUATION.
WE GOT TO COME OUT WITH THAT SIDE FIRST.
GO STRAIGHT INTO THE BATHROOM WITH THAT JOINT.
LEFT.
NO, NO, THE OTHER WAY.
- I'M STUCK.
- WAIT, BRING IT BACK OUT.
NOW ROTATE IT THIS WAY.
[bleep.]
CAN WE JIMMY IT OUT? OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
[loud banging.]
IT'S WORKING.
[metal clanging.]
- WE WANT EVERY SINGLE THING OUT OF THE ROOM.
OH, WOW.
THERE YOU GO, GIRL.
ANGELINA'S BED'S OUT OF HERE.
WE GOT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE.
WE CAN BRING GIRLS IN HERE.
WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT NOW.
OH, BRO, WE GOT SOME SHOES TO THROW OUT.
- GUESS WHAT.
YOU LEFT.
YOUR STUFF'S IN THE GARBAGE, GIRL.
[car alarm rings.]
- OH, THAT MIGHT'VE BEEN A PROBLEM.
[laughter.]
SOMEBODY'S FERRARI.
YO, WE CAN WORK OUT IN THIS ROOM NOW.
- YOU GOT THE WATER? - OOH, SMELLS LIKE LOBSTERS.
ARE THEY ALIVE? - WE'RE COOKING SOME LOBSTERS TONIGHT.
THIS IS A MEAL TO CELEBRATE THE FAMILY AND, UH, ANGELINA LEAVING.
- THEY'RE [bleep.]
ALIVE.
- DON'T FREAK ME OUT.
- [screams.]
STOP! - EVERY SINGLE THING THAT SNOOKI EATS IS LIVING AT ONE POINT.
SO IT JUST MAKES ME LAUGH THAT SHE'S NOT GONNA EAT LOBSTER BECAUSE IT'S LIVING.
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
- LET'S SAVE THEM.
- DO YOU KNOW IF THEY PUT ELASTIC BANDS AROUND MY CLAWS? - WHERE ARE WE GONNA PUT THEM? - ME AND JENNI DECIDED TO SAVE ONE OF THE LOBSTERS SO JENNI GETS A BOWL OF WATER.
SHE BRINGS IT INTO THE ROOM.
WE'LL KEEP IT AS A PET.
AND, YOU KNOW, WE'LL FEED IT AND SAVE IT.
I'M NOT SURE WHAT LOBSTERS EAT.
BUT I THINK THEY EAT, LIKE, INSECTS OR SOMETHING.
SO I WAS GONNA FEED THEM, LIKE, WORMS.
- YOU GRAB ONE SIDE, I GRAB THE OTHER.
[both scream.]
- [gasps.]
OH, NO.
IT'S UPSIDE DOWN.
- HE'S GONNA DROWN.
- THEY LIVE IN WATER.
- WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO? - WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE IT.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA SAVE IT, BROO.
- IT GOES IN SALT WATER, YOU IDIOT.
- OH, TAKE HIM OUT! - WELL, TAKE HIM OUT! - SOMETHING THAT LIVES IN SALT WATER, YOU PUT IN FRESHWATER, IT'S GONNA KILL IT FASTER THAN WE WERE GONNA KILL IT.
- WE WANT TO NAME HIM CHARLIE.
- WELL, CHARLIE'S DEAD! CHARLIE'S DEAD! - STOP IT! - CHARLIE'S FREAKING DEAD NOW! - WHAAAH.
WE TRIED.
- SNOOK, YOU WANT TO PUT IT IN? - NO.
- MIKE, IT SMELLS DELICIOUS, LIKE ALWAYS.
- TIME TO EAT! EVERYBODY TO THE DINNER TABLE! - JENNI, WANT TO SAY GRACE? - I KNOW, RIGHT? RIGHT AFTER ANGELINA LEAVES.
WE'RE THANKFUL THAT, UH, THERE'S STILL SEVEN OF US LEFT.
WHAT ELSE? AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU KNOW, NO MATTER WHAT PROBLEMS THAT WE HAVE, WE'RE TOGETHER.
- WE'RE A FAMILY.
I THINK WE'RE CLOSER.
- I'M CLOSER.
- I'M VERY HAPPY.
- SO TO OUR FIRST REAL FAMILY DINNER.
- YAY.
- YAY.
- LITTLE CELEBRATION.
- OH, YEAH.
CHAMPAGNE, YEAH.
OH, YEAH! - YAY! - OH! - THIS IS A LITTLE BIT FOR ANGELINA.
- I WAS KIND OF WORKING ON A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANGELINA, UM, TO BE HER FRIEND.
BUT, LIKE, NOW THAT SHE'S GONE, I'M ON MY OWN COMPLETELY.
AND IT SUCKS, BECAUSE NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO, BE UP RON'S ASS ALL THE TIME? LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO? I HAVE NO IDEA.
- CHEERS.
- CHEERS TO FAMILY.
- THE REAL FAMILY.
- [speaking gibberish.]
- AH, AMELIA.
- SUCH A SHAME.
- GOING "JACUZZING.
" - YEAH.
YEAH, I'M GONNA COME.
- HOW COME I CAN'T COME? - OH, YEAH! IN THE JACUZZI, YEAH! - LITTLE HOMOSEXUAL-- THREE GUYS IN A HOT TUB.
[laughter.]
- SO HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SAM? - I DON'T LIKE HER.
BUT I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE-- - SINCE, LIKE, THE BAD BITCH IS OUT OF THE HOUSE, I FEEL LIKE WE'RE A FAMILY AGAIN.
DON'T YOU WANT TO SQUASH IT? 'CAUSE I DO.
- I DO, AND I DON'T.
ME PUTTING MY NECK OUT ON THE LINE FOR SAM, AND SHE, LIKE, BASICALLY SMACKED ME IN MY FACE OVER IT.
WHY? 'CAUSE I WROTE YOU A NOTE ABOUT WHAT YOUR BOYFRIEND DID? - SO DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER? - TONIGHT? NOW? - COME ON.
I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE THAT I LOVE TO BE FIGHTING.
AND JENNI, SHE PRETTY MUCH DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE GIRL.
SHE'S LIKE, "JUST DROP IT.
" SO OBVIOUSLY, I NEED TO TALK TO SAM MYSELF.
I KIND OF WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
- ABOUT WHAT? - THE NOTE.
- DO YOU WANT TO COME TALK TO ME IN THE LIVING ROOM? - YEAH, IF YOU WANT.
- YEAH.
OKAY.
- SO, LIKE, THE WHOLE NOTE DEAL, I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT.
OBVIOUSLY, IT RUINED OUR FRIENDSHIP.
- MM-HMM.
- YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU.
AND IT'S SAD THAT WE DON'T HAVE THAT.
- I KNOW.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
- I APOLOGIZE FOR EVERYTHING.
IT WAS STUPID.
I WOULD LIKE TO MOVE ON FROM IT, IF YOU DO.
- WELL, I APPRECIATE YOU COMING UP TO ME.
UM, I ACTUALLY, LIKE, ENJOY MY TIME WITH YOU.
- [sighs.]
[laughter and cheers.]
- SAM DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME.
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.
SHE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
IT'S VERY AWKWARD.
AND I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
- I WILL NOT TALK TO JENNI.
I WILL NOT LOOK AT HER IN THE FACE-- SHE GROSSES ME OUT.
I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT GIRL.
- I HAVE TWO HOT-ASS GIRLS COMING TO THE HOUSE.
AND THEN I HAVE RAMONA, THE GIRL THAT'S BEEN STANDING ME UP, FINALLY AT THE HOUSE.
I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO?" - I DECIDE WHEN WE'RE GONNA LEAVE THE CLUB, AND THAT'S IT.
- Â WHY, OH, WHY, OH, WHY, OH, WHY Â - Â YOU GOT TO BE-- YOU GOT TO BE TWO-FACED? Â [laughter and cheers.]
 YOU GOT TO ACT YOU GOT TO ACT SO FAKE?   YEAH, YOU'RE SO FAKE  -  YOU ACT SO FAKE!  - LIKE, WHAT WE HAD BEFORE THE FIGHT, I THINK WAS AMAZING.
- IT WAS FUN.
I HAD FUN WITH YOU GUYS, BUT - SOMETHING I THINK I NEVER DONE BEFORE IN MY LIFE IS, LIKE, CHEW MY PRIDE BACK AND APOLOGIZE.
SO I AM SORRY, SAM.
- UM, THANK YOU.
I DON'T THINK JENNI'S APOLOGY WAS SINCERE.
IT TOOK HER FIVE WEEKS TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME, AND SHE KIND OF WAS JUST, LIKE, "UH, I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS, BUT I'M SORRY.
" - IT WAS ALL ANGELINA.
YOU KNOW, WITHOUT HER HERE, I THINK THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE WOULD'VE BEEN DIFFERENT.
- BUT NOW THAT SHE'S NOT HERE, WE CAN HAVE GIRL TIME AGAIN.
NO? - WELL, BABY STEPS.
EVEN THOUGH I SAID MY PIECE TO SAM, SHE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.
THAT'S WHAT PRISSY GIRLS DO.
- YEAH, I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA MOVE FORWARD.
WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
I DO NEED TO GET MY NAILS DONE.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.
AND I NEED SOMEBODY TO GO WITH.
- I USED TO BEAT GIRLS UP LIKE THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- WE SHOULD ALL GET PEDIS DONE.
I'LL BRING THE VODKA.
- [chuckles.]
- [chuckles.]
- OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
- WE HAD THAT TALK.
WE AIRED IT OUT.
WE GOT WHAT WE HAD TO SAY OUT.
AND NOW I FEEL LIKE IT'S ALL GOOD-- ALL GOOD IN THE HOOD.
OKAY.
- Â WE Â Â WILL NEVER BE THE SAME Â Â WE Â Â WILL ALWAYS BE CHANGED Â Â AND, LOVER, WE KNOW Â Â IN OUR SOULS WE'RE BEGGARS Â - ALL RIGHT, JENNI, LET'S ROLL.
LAUNDRY, TANNING, AND THEN GYM.
- I THINK WE'RE DOING THE SAME THING.
- WHATEVER.
THEY CAN DO THE SAME THING.
THERE'S TWO CARS.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING THE REST OF THE DAY? - NOTHING.
I DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS.
- I WAS GOING TO THE BEACH.
- UM - RAMONA IS THE SAME GIRL THAT I WAS WAITING TO GO ON A DOUBLE DATE WITH WITH PAULY.
WE GOT, LIKE, A SERIOUS DOUBLE, LIKE, YOU KNOW? - IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S TOO SERIOUS SINCE SHE'S LATE RIGHT NOW.
- SHE'S NOT ANSWERING.
I REALLY LIKE THE GIRL.
YOU KNOW, I NEVER, EVER SPOKE BAD ABOUT RAMONA, EVEN WHEN SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR THE DATE.
- OKAY, CAN WE MEET IN, LIKE, A HALF AN HOUR? - YOU SURE? - LET'S DO IT.
YES.
- ALL RIGHT.
BYE.
- BYE.
- SHE ACTUALLY APOLOGIZED TO ME.
SO TODAY I'M GOING TO TAKE RAMONA TO THE BEACH, HANG OUT, HAVE A COUPLE DRINKS, WATCH SOME WAVES, AND RELAX.
- ALL RIGHT, PIMP.
TELL THE BEACH I SAID "WHAT'S UP?" - HAVE TO DO, LIKE, 45 MINUTES OF CARDIO.
- THAT'S THE MAIN THING.
- YOU GOING TO LAUNDRY FIRST? - YEAH, DO LAUNDRY FIRST.
- I HAVE A BAG PACKED WITH DRINKS READY TO GO AND, YOU KNOW, THINGS TO DO FOR THE BEACH.
UGH.
BUT RAMONA IS TAKING A LITTLE WHILE TO COME TO THE HOUSE.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS, BECAUSE SHE HAS NOT SHOWN UP IN THE PAST.
I'M WAITING A COUPLE HOURS, AND I'M LIKE, "THIS GIRL IS GONNA DO THIS AGAIN TO ME.
" [line trilling.]
- THE MAILBOX BELONGING TO [phone rings.]
- HELLO.
- CAN I SPEAK TO VINNY? - PICK UP THE PHONE-- TWO DIFFERENT GIRLS, HOT-ASS GIRLS.
- I'M, LIKE, BY THE BEACH RIGHT NOW.
- ARE YOU? I MIGHT GO TO THE BEACH.
SOMETHING DEEP INSIDE IS TELLING ME, "YOU WAITED ALL THIS TIME.
GIVE RAMONA FIVE MORE MINUTES TO GO.
" ALL RIGHT, I'LL CALL YOU BACK IN, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- SO FIVE MINUTES PASSES BY, AND RAMONA DOESN'T CALL ME.
SO AT THAT POINT, I PICK UP THE PHONE, TELL THESE TWO GIRLS TO MEET ME AT THE HOUSE.
CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE OUTSIDE.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- I'M READY TO GO DO MY OWN THING.
[phone rings.]
HELLO? - I'M LOOKING FOR YOU, BUT I CAN'T FIND YOU.
I KNOW.
SO RIGHT NOW I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO?" I HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK IN ONE MINUTE.
- OKAY, BYE.
- ALL RIGHT.
I HAVE TWO HOT-ASS GIRLS COMING TO THE HOUSE.
I HAVE RAMONA, WHO IS STANDING ME UP ON DATES, KEEP ME WAITING HOURS, WHO'S FINALLY AT THE HOUSE.
I COULD PICK EITHER ONE AT THIS POINT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
HEY, YO, YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME.
- YOU SHOULD COME WITH US.
THERE'S NO BOYS HERE.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - TO GET A DRINK AND LAY BY THE POOL.
- AWKWARD, 'CAUSE NICOLE HAS RYDER.
WHO WOULD IT BE, ME AND JENNI HANGING OUT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
- Â HOT GIRLS IN BIKINIS, WHERE YOU AT? Â - I HAVE TWO HOT-ASS GIRLS COMING TO THE HOUSE.
AND THEN I HAVE RAMONA, THE GIRL THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO HANG OUT WITH FOR DAYS NOW, FINALLY AT THE HOUSE.
I COULD PICK EITHER ONE AT THIS POINT.
[line trilling.]
- HELLO? - HEY, YO, YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME.
I DON'T KNOW IF ANY MAN WOULD'VE MADE THIS DECISION.
I'M SORRY.
OH, [bleep.]
.
HEY.
I'M GONNA STRANGLE YOU.
HI.
I GO WITH THE GIRL THAT'S BEEN KEEPING ME WAITING.
YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO KEEP THINGS INTERESTING.
LET ME TELL YOU.
I'M BIG ON MY GUT FEELINGS, YOU KNOW? AND SINCE I MET RAMONA, SINCE I LOOKED HER IN THE EYE, I KNEW I HAD TO HANG OUT WITH THIS GIRL.
I'M JUST HAPPY TO SEE YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I CAME PREPARED.
THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW YOU MADE A GOOD DRINK, WHEN IT FIZZES LIKE THAT.
- CHEERS.
- SALUTE.
THANKS FOR COMING.
FINALLY.
NOROC? - NOROC.
- NOROC.
HOW BIG IS ROMANIA? IT'S SMALL? - IT LOOKS LIKE A FISH.
- REALLY? - YEAH.
IF YOU LOOK AT THE MAP, IT LOOKS JUST LIKE A FISH.
- WHERE THE HELL IS IT? - IT'S MIDDLE-EASTERN EUROPE.
IT'S, LIKE, RIGHT OVER THERE.
- [laughs.]
- [laughs.]
- RAMONA'S THE MOST INTERESTING GIRL I'VE MET HERE.
SHE'S FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY.
SHE SPEAKS THREE LANGUAGES.
GREAT PERSONALITY, AND JUST SO HAPPENS THAT WE'RE REALLY HITTING IT OFF.
- Â IN YOUR BODY FULL OF STARS Â Â CONSTELLATIONS MADE OF SCARS Â - HOPE YOU CAN SWIM.
- Â CALLS A TIME WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG Â Â BODY BAKING IN THE SUN Â Â HOW I HOPE THAT YOU CAN SEE Â Â I SEE YOU INNOCENT AND FREE Â Â THAT'S THE WAY THAT YOU WILL STAY Â Â WITH THE PASSING OF YOUR DAYS Â Â BE IN LOVE WITH YOU TONIGHT Â Â BESIDE AN OLD HOUSE Â - Â I'M SPRUNG Â [laughs.]
- Â CAN BE ANYONE WHEN DAY COMES DOWN Â Â WHOO! Â - I THINK RAMONA IS FEELING ME.
OUR NEXT DATE, YOU KNOW, I HOPE TO INVITE HER OUT.
MAYBE INTRODUCE HER TO THE GROUP.
AND SEE WHERE WE GO FROM THERE.
- YOU KNOW MY CHEEKS HURT FROM SMILING.
- COME ON.
YOU SAID YOU LAUGH ALL THE TIME.
ARE YOU GONNA COME OUT AGAIN OR NO? YOU PROMISE? - I'M GONNA KICK IT WITH YOU.
- ALL RIGHT.
BYE.
- Â BE IN LOVE WITH YOU TONIGHT Â Â BESIDE AN OLD HOUSE FULL OF LIGHT Â Â CITY COLD AND FAR AWAY Â Â CAN BE ANYONE WHEN DAY COMES DOWN Â - THINK SOME FIREWORKS WENT OFF IN THE AIR.
I'LL CALL YOU.
BYE, BABY.
- YO, IS ANY ONE OF THEM COOKIES, BRO? - THERE'S CHOCOLATE CAKE.
[phone rings.]
- HELLO? - HI.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'M COMING IN TOMORROW.
HEY, HEY! - I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE RYDER.
SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND FROM BACK AT HOME.
AND SHE'S COMING TOMORROW.
IT'S GONNA BE AN AMAZING TIME.
ARE YOU DRINKING? - YES.
- YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SOBER.
- LIKE, I'M GONNA COME THERE TOMORROW.
- YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
WHAT TIME IS YOUR FLIGHT? - UM, I'M GONNA GET THERE TOMORROW AT 10:00.
- HOLD ON.
CAN YOU TELL HER? 'CAUSE SHE'S [bleep.]
RETARDED.
- SHE'S DRUNK RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH.
- HI, BABY.
- HEY, HEY! - YOU HAVE TO BE AT JFK NO LATER THAN 7:30.
- MY FLIGHT LEAVES AT 6:30 SO MY FRIEND IS DRIVING ME AT 9:30.
- SHE'S AN IDIOT.
- WOW.
ALL RIGHT.
- I DON'T KNOW.
I'M LEAVING--I'M LEAVING MY APARTMENT AT 12:30.
- YOU HAVE TO BE ON A PLANE AT 12:30.
- WHAT? - WISH THERE WAS A SPEAKERPHONE.
- YEAH, ME TOO.
- OH, MY GOD.
THIS GIRL IS LITERALLY ON A SHIP TAKING OFF TO, LIKE, A DIFFERENT PLANET RIGHT NOW.
LIKE, IT'S JUST NOT EVEN WORTH TALKING TO.
HOLD ON.
HOLD ON.
- HELLO? THE STATE THAT SHE'S IN RIGHT NOW, IF I WERE HERE, I WOULDN'T WAKE UP.
WHY ARE YOU DRUNK RIGHT NOW? - [speaks indistinctly.]
.
UM, I'M NOT DRINKING.
[laughs.]
- NOW WHEN I SEE YOU, YOU'RE GONNA BE HUNGOVER TOMORROW.
- I'LL BE FINE.
- I LOVE YOU.
BYE.
- SNOOK, YOU KNOW SHE'S GONNA MISS THE FLIGHT.
- WHAT THE [bleep.]
? SHE'S DRUNK.
WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T WAKE UP TOMORROW, SHE MISSES HER FLIGHT, AND THEN I DON'T SEE HER? - Â I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S COMING OR GOING Â - I NEED RYDER TO REMIND ME OF BACK HOME.
SO HOPEFULLY I WILL GET TO SEE HER TOMORROW.
- Â IF YOU'RE COMING OR GOING Â - DON'T BE SAD.
- I NEED TO SEE RYDER.
- YOU WAKE UP, SHE'LL COME.
- Â I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE COMING OR GOING Â Â MY EYES CAN'T SEE WHAT MY EYES DON'T SEE Â - [screams.]
- SITUATION'S BEING WAY TOO AGGRESSIVE.
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THESE GIRLS.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MAKE? - A DRINK.
- SANGRIA, ORANGE JUICE, VODKA.
BARBECUE SAUCE.
- COCONUT MILK.
- ICE CREAM! CHEERS.
- EW.
[number pad beeping.]
- WHO YOU CALLING? - RYDER.
[line trilling.]
- AT THE TONE, PLEASE RE-- - [breathes deeply.]
THIS SUCKS.
[knocking at door.]
- NICOLE! - [screams.]
REALLY? - [screams.]
- [laughs.]
OH, MY GOD.
- STOP IT.
- [wails.]
- STOP IT! YOU'RE GONNA MAKING ME CRY.
I HATE YOU.
- I'M JUST SO EXCITED TO TAKE HER OUT, TO SHOW HER MIAMI, AND PARTY.
YAY! I WANT TO GET A SUNDRESS, 'CAUSE IT'S LIKE MY ASS IS HANGING OUT.
- OH, THOSE ARE MAD CUTE.
- I'M GONNA GET A BULLDOG.
OH, MY NIPPLES ARE OUT.
I'M NOT WEARING A BRA.
- [laughs.]
- WELCOME TO MIAMI.
- I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW.
- [laughs.]
- I WAS LIKE, "OKAY, ONE DRINK, LIKE, COOL.
" I DIDN'T KNOW I'D HAVE FIVE.
- CHEERS.
I THINK ME AND RYDER ARE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS, AND WE CLICK SO WELL JUST BECAUSE, LIKE, WE'RE THE SAME PERSON.
SHE'S REAL.
I'M REAL.
SHE LIKES TO PARTY.
I LIKE TO PARTY.
AND EVERY TIME WE'RE TOGETHER PRETTY MUCH JUST GO CRAZY AND BE STUPID.
[both cheering.]
- THIS IS GONNA BE YOU.
THIS GONNA BE YOU.
- WHOO.
- THIS IS REALLY STRONG.
- [both cheering.]
- PAULY, STOP IT.
- BRO.
COME ON, BRO.
GET DRESSED.
STOP PLAYING.
- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? - A DRESS THAT I BOUGHT JUST FOR YOU.
- EVERY TIME I GO OUT, I DO GOOD WITH THE VEST.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS IS THE KEY TO THE WHOLE OUTFIT RIGHT HERE.
OH, YEAH.
- LOOKS LIKE HALLOWEEN.
- CABS ARE HERE! CABS ARE HERE! CABS ARE HERE! - YO.
- YOU LOOK LIKE A CHIPPENDALES DANCER.
- A VERY RELIGIOUS ONE.
- [laughs.]
- Â WHAT'S YOUR NAME? Â Â WHERE YOU FROM? Â Â WHAT YOU GOT, YEAH? Â Â Â Â GOT IT, BABY, PRETTY BABY Â Â DO YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR NAME IN LIGHTS? Â Â 'CAUSE I CAN DO THIS Â Â AND I CAN DO THAT Â Â SO DO YOU THINK IT COULD BE WORTH A NIGHT TOGETHER? Â Â Â Â SUPERSTAR Â Â SUPERSTAR Â - THE SCENE WAS AWFUL.
THERE WAS A LOT OF GRENADES AND USUALLY KLUTCH ISN'T LIKE THAT.
YOU GOT TO BE REAL CAREFUL, 'CAUSE A GRENADE WILL BLOW UP ANYWHERE.
STAND CLEAR.
SAFETY FIRST.
- I GO HARD FULL--FULL BOAT ALL THE TIME.
DOESN'T MATTER HOW HOT THE CHICK IS, I'M AGGRESSIVE.
- [screams.]
- BACK IN THE DAY, THEY HAD THE PROPHECY THAT ONE DAY THERE WOULD BE A PIMP OF ALL PIMPS, AND HIS NAME WOULD BE THE SITUATION.
- EW! - I KNOW.
PAULY.
- SITUATION'S BEING WAY TOO AGGRESSIVE.
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THESE GIRLS.
BUT IT WORKS IN MY BENEFIT 100%, 'CAUSE THE GIRLS SEE HOW NICE I AM AND HOW SMOOTH I AM.
- WHEN IT'S TIME TO LEAVE, THIS IS WHAT I DO.
I ROUND UP EVERYBODY, AND I MAKE SURE EVERYBODY'S OKAY, AND WE ALL LEAVE TOGETHER.
- MIKE COMES UP TO ME.
HE'S LIKE, "WE GOT TO GO.
" "UM, NO.
I'M NOT LEAVING.
" HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYBODY BUT HIMSELF.
AND HE JUST WANTS TO DO HIS OWN THING WHEN HE WANTS TO ON HIS OWN TIME.
AND I'M NOT DEALING WITH IT.
- I'M, LIKE, TRYING TO, LIKE, WAKE HER UP, LIKE, "YO, WE'RE LEAVING.
" AND SHE'S GETTING ALL UPSET.
WHEN SNOOKS IS DRUNK, IT'S HARD TO EVEN TALK TO HER.
IT'S HARD TO EVEN MAKE SENSE AND STUFF WITH HER.
SHE'S LIKE A LOOSE CANNON.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME AN ATTITUDE FOR TRYING TO, LIKE, ROUND EVERYBODY UP? YOU KNOW, GET OUT OF HERE.
- HERE WE GO AGAIN.
THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE LEAVING.
- WHEN SNOOKS IS DRUNK, SHE'S LIKE A LOOSE CANON.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME AN ATTITUDE FOR TRYING TO, LIKE, ROUND EVERYBODY UP? YOU KNOW, GET OUT OF HERE.
YO, PAULY, LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THE [bleep.]
OUT OF HERE.
- I GET SO [bleep.]
PISSED OFF BECAUSE HE'S PISSING ME OFF.
THE FACT THAT MY MOOD IS NOW RUINED, I JUST WANT TO GO TO BED.
YOU DIDN'T APOLOGIZE.
I WAS IN THE KITCHEN WITH YOU, AND YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME.
- YOU OKAY, BOO? - LET ME KNOW WHEN MIKE IS OUT OF THE KITCHEN, PLEASE.
- HE'S NOT GONNA BE OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
- SHE ACTS LIKE SHE'S 10 YEARS OLD.
SHE'S, LIKE, TWENTY-[bleep.]
-THREE.
- WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HANG OUT ALL NIGHT.
- I KNOW.
BUT HE'S [bleep.]
RUINING IT.
HE'S RUINING EVERYTHING.
HE'S RUINING [bleep.]
EVERYTHING.
I'M NOT GONNA SIT IN MY BED AND [bleep.]
CRY.
I JUST WANT TO GO OUT AND HAVE FUN.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.
YO, PAULY, LET'S GO! - WHAT ARE WE DOING? - TANNING, LAUNDRY, GYM.
- ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
- YEAH, CABANA CHAIRS.
- SO WE GET READY TO GO OUT TO EAT, YOU KNOW, HAVE A COUPLE DRINKS, AND HAVE FUN.
- IT'S ALMOST 2:00.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M READY.
- HELLO.
- HEY.
YOU SHOULD COME WITH US.
THERE'S NO BOYS HERE.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - XO TO GET A DRINK AND LAY BY THE POOL.
COME WITH US.
DON'T STAY IN THIS HOUSE.
I'M JUST TRYING TO BE, YOU KNOW, A REALLY GOOD FRIEND TO SAM.
YOU KNOW, I MISS HANGING OUT WITH HER.
THIS IS, LIKE, MY PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO INVITE THE GIRL OUT SO SHE CAN REUNITE WITH THE GIRLS AGAIN.
- OR ARE YOU GONNA STAY HERE FOR AN HOUR AND WAIT FOR RON? - NO, I KNOW.
WHAT DO I--WHAT TO DO? 'CAUSE I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO GO TO THE GYM WITH HIM, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO WAIT FOR HIM.
- YOU'LL HAVE A FUNNER TIME LAYING IN THE SUN HAVING A MIAMI VICE.
- I KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
AWKWARD, 'CAUSE DO I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH NICOLE, RYDER, AND JENNI? NO, BECAUSE NICOLE HAS RYDER.
WHO WOULD IT BE? ME AND JENNI HANGING OUT? LIKE, I JUST-- I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT? - ARE YOU GONNA STAY HERE? - YEAH.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, BYE.
BYE.
- BYE.
WHOO! HOO! WHAH! IS THAT OUR HOUSE? - YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT, BYE.
- WHERE'S EVERYBODY? - PAULY AND MIKE ARE DOING G.
T.
L.
AND THE GIRLS JUST LEFT, LIKE, TWO SECONDS AGO.
THEY'RE--THEY WENT TO XO BAR.
THEY ASKED ME TO GO.
SHOULD I HAVE WENT WITH THEM? - SAM'S A GROWN WOMAN.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD.
I THINK SHE'S CAPABLE OF MAKING HER OWN DECISIONS.
BUT THEN IT'S, LIKE, EVERY DAY SHE'S ASKING ME WHAT TO DO, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YOU WANT ME TO BE HONEST, I'M GOING TO BE HONEST.
- DO YOU THINK I SHOULD'VE WEN WITH THEM OR NO? - YOU KNOW YOU WEREN'T GONNA HANG OUT WITH SNOOKI, THOUGH.
- 'CAUSE HER FRIEND'S THERE, RIGHT? - YEAH.
- SO IT WOULD'VE BEEN AWKWARD.
- YEAH.
- IT'S NICE, THOUGH, OF NICOLE TO ASK ME TO GO.
[Snooki and Ryder yelling jibberish.]
- NICOLE AND RYDER-- THEIR COMMUNICATIONS ARE HYSTERICAL.
[continue yelling jibberish.]
THEY DON'T REALLY TALK TO EACH OTHER.
THEY MORE OR LESS GRUNT.
[Snooki and Ryder grunting.]
- EH? - AY.
- EE-EE-EE-EE-EE.
- EE-EE-EE-EE-EE.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO GET A DRINK.
- YEAH.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MAKE? - A DRINK.
RAH RAH.
- WHAT DO I HAVE? OH, WE HAVE MIXERS.
NO, THAT'S KETCHUP.
- THAT'S KETCHUP, YOU FREAK.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? - SYRUP.
- YUM.
- SYRUP AND, UM BARBECUE SAUCE AND SOME OLIVES.
- OLIVE JUICE.
- WAIT, WHAT CAN WE MAKE? SANGRIA, ORANGE JUICE, AND VODKA.
- PEANUT BUTTER, COCONUT MILK.
- OLIVE OIL.
- SOME MARINARA.
- COTTAGE CHEESE.
YOU'RE GONNA [bleep.]
MIX MARINARA? EW.
- WHAT ELSE CAN WE MIX IT WITH? - LET ME SEE.
DO YOU LIKE OLIVES? ICE CREAM! - [gasps.]
- [bleep.]
ICE CREAM.
- [laughs.]
RAH.
- REH.
SO WE DECIDED TO GET THE BLENDER.
AND I'M PRETTY MUCH LIKE, "OKAY.
"WELL, I'M THE WORST BARTENDER IN THE WORLD.
HOW DO I MAKE A DRINK?" EW.
IT'S LIKE A TURD THAT WON' GET OFF YOUR ASS[bleep.]
.
- THAT'S DISGUSTING.
[laughter.]
YOU KNOW THAT'S GONNA EXPLODE.
- YEAH.
THAT'S AWESOME! - LET'S DO IT.
- LET'S DO IT.
- [squeals.]
- RAH.
[both rolling tongues.]
[overlapping shouting.]
- [gasps.]
WHAT THE HELL? IT'S REALLY DISGUSTING.
- [laughs.]
- IT TASTED LIKE ASS[bleep.]
.
WE NEED MORE [bleep.]
ALCOHOL.
DO YOU WANT TO GO THE ALCOHOL SHOP? - YES.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT.
BYE! OH, IT'S STILL LIGHT OUT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS [bleep.]
DARK.
- THIS IT? ORANGE JUICE, HAWAIIAN PUNCH - THIS ISN'T ALCOHOL.
WHAT WERE WE TRYING TO MAKE? WHAT IS THIS? - BUT THEN YOU NEED RUM.
- SO GET RUM.
THANK YOU! OY.
WAIT, LET ME FIX MY BUTT CHEEKS.
- YOU LOOKING GOOD, GIRL.
- WHERE ARE WE? - I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, [bleep.]
.
- HEY.
- WHAT'S UP, GUYS? YO, WE'RE GONNA GO TO KLUTCH TONIGHT.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
- I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT, BABY.
NOW NOBODY'S DRUNK.
- NO, THERE NEEDS TO BE A BIGGER TALK THAN THAT.
I NEED MORE THAN A "SORRY.
" I NEED, LIKE, A CONVERSATION, LIKE, YOU KNOW, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHAT THE [bleep.]
IS WRONG WITH YOU?" - I GOT YOU.
- AT LEAST HE KNOWS HE WAS WRONG.
STILL GOT TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.
I'M REALLY PISSED OFF.
AND MAYBE I WILL TAKE THAT APOLOGY, OR I WON'T.
YEAH, I DON'T TAKE APOLOGIES LIKE THAT.
SORRY.
- SNOOKI IS A DRAMA QUEEN.
SHE LIKES TO GET CODDLED.
AND I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.
- JUST NOT SAYING YOU'RE SORRY IS GONNA FIX IT.
YOU STARTED THE FIGHT, SO GET UP AND, YOU KNOW, MAKE--MAKE THE MOOD HAPPY AGAIN, BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
- VINNY'S GIRL IS ONE OF THE HOTTEST GIRLS I'VE SEEN IN MIAMI, DEFINITELY.
YOU DON'T WANT TO LEAVE A CHICK LIKE THAT BY HERSELF.
- "MY [bleep.]
BEST FRIEND IS HERE "AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO [bleep.]
LEAVE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS KID EVER AGAIN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
- FOUR CUPS OF ICE.
- TELL ME WHEN.
- OKAY, BABE.
- ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE EXCITED.
[gasps.]
LET'S MAKE A REALLY GOOD DESIGN ON THE BOARD.
- OKAY.
- OKAY.
EW, THAT'S TOO SMALL! DO IT BIGGER! - THAT'S HOW SMALL YOU ARE.
LOOK AT YOUR POOF AT YOUR GOGGLES.
- SKINNY DRESS.
THAT LOOKS LIKE PAULY.
- HE'S, LIKE, THIS.
MM, MM, MM.
- DRAW MIKE.
LIKE, HE HAS BIG, LIKE, UPPER ARMS, BUT, LIKE, NO, LIKE, BODY.
- NO, THAT'S HIS HAND ON YOUR BUTT.
[both laughing.]
- RYDER DREW EVERYONE.
IT WAS SO, SO FUNNY.
JENNI LOOKS LIKE JENNI.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
IT WAS PERFECT.
CHEERS, LOVE YOU.
- WHAT'D YOU PUT IN IT? - JUST DRINK IT.
- EW.
- KISSING MY OWN MUSCLES.
[chuckles.]
- EW.
LOOK HOW THEY MADE MY LEGS.
EW.
- DO YOU WANT TO BRING HOME BOYS TONIGHT? LAST NIGHT WAS THE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
- I HAVE NO WORDS.
[both laughing.]
- OH, YEAH! SO ME AND RYDER WANT TO JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, GO TO THE [bleep.]
CLUB, AND DANCE AND, LIKE, GO CRAZY.
- SO, SAM, WE'RE GOING TO THE CLUB TONIGHT.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO TO GET READY? DO YOU MASTURBATE BEFORE? - DO YOU? - NO.
- ME EITHER.
- OKAY.
- ANYWAY.
- FEEL HER BOOBS.
DID YOU FEEL HER BOOBS YET? THEN FEEL YOURS.
WHAH! - I LIKE MY LITTLE BOOBS.
- I LIKE HER BOOBS.
- MY LITTLE BABY BOOBS.
[chuckles.]
- HELLO.
PALACE OF LOVE.
ALL RIGHT, NO PROBLEM.
BYE.
THE CABS ARE HERE! THE CABS ARE HERE! - LET'S GO.
- T-SHIRT TIME! - I DON'T FEEL LIKE I LOOK NICE.
- SHUT UP.
- WE'RE ALL DANCING AND HAVING A GOOD TIME, FIST PUMPING.
SNOOKI AND RYDER AND JENNI ARE DANCING ON TOP OF TABLES.
BUT EVERYONE'S TOGETHER.
IT FEELS GREAT.
AND RAMONA SHOWED UP.
SCENE GETS A LOT BETTER.
- YO, VINNY'S GIRL IS LOOKING SMOKING.
THIS IS ONE OF THE HOTTEST GIRLS I'VE SEEN IN MIAMI, DEFINITELY.
YOU DON'T WANT TO LEAVE A CHICK LIKE THAT BY HERSELF.
EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A PIMP.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S HOW IT IS.
MY GRANDPAPPY WAS A PIMP.
HIS GRANDPAPPY WAS A PIMP.
SO I'M ABOUT TO GET TO BUSINESS RIGHT NOW.
- I SEE MIKE TALKING TO RAMONA.
AND HE KIND OF, LIKE, PULLS A LITTLE BIT OF THE ROBBERY.
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO MY DUDE VINNY.
- I'M WORRIED THAT MIKE WILL STRAIGHT UP GRAB THIS GIRL AND, LIKE, KISS HER JUST TO BE THE MAN, BECAUSE HE'S ALWAYS HOOKING UP WITH THE SAME GIRLS I'M HOOKING UP WITH.
HAPPENED IN JERSEY.
IT'S HAPPENING OUT THERE.
MIKE MIGHT HAVE A SECRET POSSIBLE OBSESSION WITH ME.
- OH, MY GOD.
- ME AND PAULY ARE STARING AT MIKE STARE HARD AT, LIKE, RAMONA AND--AND VINNY AND JUST, LIKE, GETTING REALLY ANGRY.
I'VE NEVER SEEN MIKE LIKE THAT.
AND I THINK HE WAS JUST, LIKE, REALLY HATING THAT EVERYONE WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME.
- SNOOKI IS BEING SNOOKI.
SHE'S HAVING A GOOD TIME.
SHE'S DANCING.
RYDER'S DANCING.
JENNI'S DANCING.
LOOKS LIKE EVERYBODY'S HAVING A GOOD TIME.
AND SITUATION'S JUST SITTING THERE WITH NO CHICK, AND HE'S WATCHING THE SHOW.
- OBVIOUSLY, MIKE'S NOT GETTING GIRLS, SO WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO? HE COMES OVER TO ME AND STARTS TO KISS ME.
AND I KIND OF PUSHED HIM BACK, AND I WAS, LIKE, "UGH.
" HIS MAIN GOAL IS TO GET GIRLS, AND WHEN HE DOESN'T HAVE GIRLS, HE'S A VERY, VERY DIFFERENT PERSON.
HE'S MEAN, AND HE JUST WANTS TO GO HOME AND GO TO BED.
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
HE'S LIKE, "WE GOT TO GO.
" HE'S LIKE, "WE'RE LEAVING.
" AND I WAS LIKE, "THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE LEAVING.
" AND THEN HE SLAPS ME IN THE MOUTH.
- I'M, LIKE, THE LEADER OF THIS GROUP.
I'M THE [bleep.]
DADDY OF THIS HOUSE.
I SAY WHAT GOES.
AND IF I SAY WE'RE LEAVING, WE'RE LEAVING.
- Â I DON'T WANT NO SYMPATHY, GIRL Â - Â THAT'S THE LAST YOU'RE GIVING, I'M SURE Â - DON'T [bleep.]
SLAP ME IN THE FACE AND TELL ME THAT I NEED TO GO HOME.
- Â BE THE MAN YOU WANT ME TO Â Â BUT ALL I EVER GET FROM YOU Â Â IS SILENCE, OH Â - IF SOMEBODY GRABBED MY FACE, I WOULD LISTEN THE FIRST TIME.
AND I WOULD BE LIKE, "I'M EITHER LEAVING, OR I'M STAYING.
" NOT, LIKE, EHHH.
- MIKE USED TO BE REALLY COOL.
NOW SINCE WE'RE IN MIAMI, HE'S BEEN, LIKE, A CREEP.
AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE HANGING AROUND WITH HIM.
- I KIND OF FEEL BAD FOR SNOOKI.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT SITCH'S PROBLEM IS.
HE'S JUST BEING NEGATIVE AND BEING SOUR.
AND HE'S NOT FUN TO BE AROUND WHEN HE'S LIKE THAT.
- SO WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK INSIDE? - BECAUSE HE WILL SMACK YOU IN THE FACE.
HE DOESN'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS WITH MIKE LATELY.
LIKE, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE HE'S JUST, LIKE, JUST ON THE EDGE.
NO PATIENCE WHATSOEVER FOR ANYBODY ELSE.
HE JUST THINKS IT'S HIS WORLD.
- JUST BECAUSE HE CAN'T GET NO [bleep.]
DOESN'T MEAN HE HAS TO [bleep.]
TELL US ALL TO LEAVE.
- [bleep.]
YELL AT ME WHEN I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME WITH MY BEST FRIEND! MY [bleep.]
BEST FRIEND IS HERE, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO [bleep.]
LEAVE? ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU [bleep.]
SERIOUS? - MIKE IS GETTING ON OUR NERVES.
AND HE IS GETTING OVERWHELMING.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP.
AND HE TAKES THINGS TOO FAR.
WE ALL SEEN IT.
WE ALL HEARD IT.
AND WE'RE ALL TIRED OF IT.
- "I'M GONNA [bleep.]
YOU UP.
I DON'T GIVE A [bleep.]
.
" - GO BACK IN.
[bleep.]
HIM.
- IF I SEE HIM, I'M GONNA [bleep.]
HIM UP.
- Â MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT AFTER ALL Â Â MAYBE I'M JUST BAD NEWS Â Â I'VE BEEN DROWNING IN MEMORIES Â Â CALL IT RESIDUAL BLUES Â Â Â Captioning by CaptionMax - I WAS ACTUALLY ABOUT TO CRY, 'CAUSE I'M LIKE, "MIKE'S GONNA RUIN IT.
I FEEL IT COMING.
HE'S GONNA RUIN THE NIGHT.
" I'M LIKE, "ARE YOU [bleep.]
KIDDING ME?" - UH-OH.
SOMEBODY OPEN THE DOOR.
[fire alarm beeping.]
[siren wailing.]
- WE GOT A SITUATION.
- FOR A FIREMAN TO, LIKE, COME PUT OUT MY FIRE LITERALLY, THAT'S HOT.
- LET'S GO.
- THESE GIRLS ARE 100% D.
T.
F.
THAT'S WHY I GRABBED THESE TWO.
- SHE DOESN'T DRINK, AND SHE DOESN'T HOOK UP WITH PEOPLE.
- SO SHE DOESN'T DRINK OR HOOK UP WITH PEOPLE? IT'S KIND OF LATE RIGHT NOW, BABY GIRL.
IF YOU'RE COMING HOME AT, LIKE, 4:30, 5:00 A.
M.
, THIS IS SMASH TIME.
SURE I CAN'T CALL THE TAXI FOR YOU?