My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011) s02e11 Episode Script
Halloweird
So even when the village Shaman would try to call down the, vengeance of the moon upon his enemies He was still a snappy dresser.
Now, I hope that some of these Native artifacts, are going to inspire some culturally diverse costume choices this Halloween.
All it's inspiring for me is a nap.
Oh, I miss naps.
The dreaming, the snoring, the drooling.
Since when did you give up drooling? Ah, naps.
Ah! Here's a sight for scary eyes.
According to Native legend, an ancient Warlord would use this mask, to bring to life the fighting spirits of his army.
And the Warlord's warriors would don the furs of wolves and bears.
And then Do you know what would happen? Animal-rights groups would protest? They smelled like old carcasses? No, the natives believed the warriors would turn into actual wolves and bears! Oh! Scary stuff, eh, kids? - I saw that you were sleeping, Rory.
- I was just pretending to sleep! Oh, great! Well, now you can pretend to stay after class, and clean the blackboards.
It seems like I'm doing this for real.
I don't like giving real detentions, so I try to turn them into imagination time.
It, uh, it helps me manage my guilt.
Oh, uh, don't touch those artifacts.
Okay.
But Mr.
Warlord Shaman will touch everything! She's the girl next door.
Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
What you get is what you see.
No more "maybe it's Maybelline".
She can give you everything you need.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.
How excited are you? For math? Not very.
Hello! Vampire Halloween party? How cool does that sound? A lot cooler than " Babysitting because I need money.
" No.
You're not! This is our first Vampire Halloween party! Well, if I explain it to Ethan's mom that way, I'm sure she'll give me the night off.
It was gonna be great.
Maybe, but not as awesome, as the night where I dressed up as butter and you were salt, and we did the popcorn dance at the theater? - Pop, pop, pop.
- Corn, corn, corn.
Six bucks for a small.
Don't try to cheer me up! I am grumpy.
Pop, pop, pop! - What's wrong with Erica? - She keeps grumbling about popcorn prices.
Ugh! I told her I couldn't go to her Halloween party with her tonight because I have to babysit.
I wish I could just have fun tonight.
No offense.
Yeah, I feel really bad about that.
Hey, I'm having a party later tonight.
You can babysit that! You're having a Halloween party? Yeah, sure.
Why not? Because it'll just be the two of us, that's why.
Are you seriously trying to tell me that, we don't have a dozen friends with ready-to-wear costumes, and no Halloween plans? We invite the mathletes, and we're halfway there.
Aw.
You really want to make Sarah's night, don't you? I just don't want to ruin her night.
Anyways, we could at least invite Rory.
What? Do you remember what happened last time? I'm a caveman! I'm a caveman! I'm a caveman! Ugh! I'm a caveman! I'm a caveman! And that wasn't even a costume party.
Look, I'm sure he'll be better this time.
I still think that's better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I'll be home by 11:00.
Have fun with your friends, and don't forget to take Jane trick-or-treating.
I can't forget what I never remember.
Wow.
Do all of those Dusk characters really talk like that? Yeah.
Especially Jakeward.
He's "thoughtful.
" And very handsome.
I thought you hated all that stuff.
How come you're dressed like him? Hi, Sarah.
- Hey.
- Who are you dressed up as? I'm Rochelle from Dusk.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Well, have a good time, guys! See ya, mom.
Jakeward, huh? You should really pop the collar.
- Much better.
- Yes.
Better.
So.
What's your name? Beep bop, bo, bo beep beep.
Bap boop.
"Behold the Insaniac, the crazy supercomputer.
" Super.
Hey, pretty cool party, huh? Insaniac has been beeping at me for 20 minutes.
To be fair, he does that even when he's not in costume.
Look, I know this isn't the night you had in mind, but try and have some fun.
Go and dance with Finja over there.
That costume doesn't even make sense.
If he's a fish, how is he supposed to breathe on land? Finja's half dolphin.
They breathe air.
What you should be mad about is that plastic sword.
Not authentic.
Arriba! Who are you supposed to be? Well, I couldn't decide between Merlin and a Mexican wrestler, so I picked both! Say hola to El Merlo Loco The wizard-wrestler, who combines the best of the arcane, and the insane! Hey, Whitechapel! Are you ready to party? Wow.
Compared to this, Erica's traditional Vampire Halloween, is starting to sound like a blast.
Yeah.
I can't believe you got us kicked out of that party, you goon! Rory! This is the worst night ever.
I can't believe I'm going to do this.
Erica? What happened to traditional Vampire night? Rory got us booted.
He wouldn't take off that stupid mask.
So, where is he? He was following me, so I threw him.
I'm not quite sure where he ended up.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
This party is way under control.
At least I can have fun with you.
Yeah? Great.
Do you know where I can set up my meditation blanket? - Your what? - That's how we celebrate The true Vampire Halloween.
Have any candles? No? All right.
Huh, the green ones don't taste as green as they used to.
Hey! You're supposed to take me trick-or-treating! Let's go! Time is candy! Okay, okay.
Don't get your whiskers in a knot.
Can I come with you? Girl-illa won't stop flirting with me.
Dude, she's flirting with me.
As if.
Sarah, I'll be back in a bit.
Ooh! What are you doing? Woo-hoo! Ha! Ha! He-yaw! What's that for? If we're doing this, I'm gonna break my record.
11.
28 pounds.
Yeah.
Meow! Meow.
Oh, what a sweet little mouse.
- Huh? - Here dear.
Oh, my.
Children certainly are getting tall these days.
Are you sure you're not too old to be doing this? Let me get my glasses out.
No! I'm ten.
I love recess and balloons, and That cartoon about that bouncy thing.
All right, then.
There you go.
Thanks.
Okay, Finja.
That's really cool, but you're gonna chop somebody.
Take it easy.
What is with these nerds? - Are you serious? - What? That house is a candy gold mine.
Their fun-size bars are actually fun.
You have 14 pounds of seed mints.
A record's a record.
Erica, I need What are you doing? - Trying to meditate.
- Can you come downstairs for a minute? I can't.
I have to commune with my inner predator Or else I won't be cleansed enough for Chapter three.
But I seriously need a hand.
The nerd fest down there is getting a little rowdy.
Since you put it that way, no.
Can you keep the music down? That's 10 houses.
You got enough yet? I wanna find Benny and get back to the party.
Yeah, good enough.
I'll be sick tomorrow for sure.
Ugh! Oh, man.
I thought the seeds would be the worst part, but it's clearly the mint.
Now, open your mouth and say, "ah".
Aah I said, are you ready to party? Indeed.
Now, take two gumdrops and call me last night.
Hey, Kevin.
Want a seed mint? What I want can't be found in all tomorrow's yesterdays.
Wow.
That's a really good Dr.
When impression.
Somebody's a fan boy.
I have to go.
I'll be here any minute.
Don't leave yet.
We're gonna order six feet of pizza from Feetza.
Was that as impossible as I think it was? That looks like a real sword.
That sounds and smells like a real gorilla.
What day is it? What day is it? - Something's not right here.
- I know.
This party is awesome.
I never knew our friends were so much fun.
I don't think they are.
- Hey, Rory.
Neat mask.
- Huh? Rory.
What's going on here? Meow! - Jane? - Meow! Hey! We took you trick-or-treating, you rug-rat! There you are! Okay.
Did Rory just turn Jane into a cat? I don't know what's happening, but he really got this party started.
Look, he's wearing that Native mask from Mr.
G's class.
What did Mr.
G say it did? You're asking me to remember something from class? Figure it out later.
Stop it now.
We can't let a gorilla and a ninja out onto the streets.
I got this.
Groundus domicus eternius! That's the spell grandma uses to ground me.
No one gets outside.
Ethan! I'm home! - What about inside? - Oh, hey, Rory.
It doesn't do it that way.
- Mom? - Quiet! Not another word! Or I'll turn you into a toad! Can she really Ethan, please don't jump out at me again.
It was so disgusting to catch you.
You know, I think he's cuter as a toad.
All right, stand back.
Amphibiar formus malnath ecto-personam! What? What is it? Uh, nothing! Everything is fine.
You do not have a hideous toad head.
That's my next five nightmares.
What? Why did I just ribbit? Okay, no, I got it now.
I know what I did wrong.
Amphibiar returnus malnath ecto-personam.
H-h-hey! I'll freak out about this later.
Let's get to work.
Erica, help me find Jane.
She's sort of a cat now.
Fine.
I will help you find your cat, then that is it.
I need to shun the material world, and And "feel the pulse of lifeblood.
" That sounds That sounds awesome.
So, an ancient Warlord used this mask, to turn his warriors into wolves and bears.
We know that.
What happens after? The Gods were angry with this Warlord, so they blasted his mask off with a bolt of lightning.
And his warriors turned back to normal.
Can you lightning the mask off? This is 15,000-year-old magic.
Only a big-time wizard would have this kind of power.
A wizard like El Merlo Loco? Sure.
He's awesome.
But he's just a costume, Ethan.
Am I supposed to go down there and get Rory to, turn me into the real El Merlo Loco, so I can have the magic horsepower to stop him? Okay, just reach in and grab her.
You have longer arms.
Ow! Whatever! She's safe! Things under the bed are safe.
Let's close the door and leave her in here.
She has hands, she can open a door.
Fine! Here, Jane! Come on.
Do you want treat? Kitty, kitty.
Kitty.
That'll keep her busy.
We're done.
Okay.
Oh! Great Warlord! Your army has an ape and a butler But you're missing a mighty wizard like me! Hey, Benny.
Get that lightning going.
It's almost midnight.
We need to get Rory's mask off! Don't tell me You don't speak English.
Bueno.
Rory! No! Ethan! You feel okay? The name's Jakeward.
And I feel everything.
Except okay.
Okay.
All my brew needs now Is a fat, juicy child! - Ooh! - Ooh! Erica, we need your help! Benny doesn't speak English, and Ethan won't stop brooding.
See? All I wanted was a quiet Vampire ritual.
One that turned out to be boring and confusing, and is making me feel like 500 years old! I've had it! I've had it! It is nerd-bashing time, folks! My heart doesn't beat But it feels so beaten.
Wow.
Out of my way.
"Ow?" Really? Rory, take off that mask.
The high moon of Hallow's Eve is upon us.
Let us reflect in silence.
Woo! What are you doing? Shadowbrew, not chili.
Now where's that toad I had? Unhand that spice! Erica? Erica? Ah.
Jakeward, help! Rochelle! Nobody hugs my girl's head.
A trick! You filthy child! Jakeward! You're in danger! You're everything I've ever wanted everywhere.
And you're all the nothing I ever have to lose.
Are you ready to have that mask come off? Let me hear you! Yeah! Oh! What are we doing? I don't know.
But must have been for a good reason, right? Not good enough.
Is this a party? Am I invited? Oh, my head.
When did I make stew? Okay none of this makes sense.
Help! I'm stuck under the bed! Has anyone seen my hamster? Ethan! Yeah? Did you have some kind of wild, out of control Halloween party? Kinda.
Maybe.
Really? Well Good for you.
I knew you could do it.
And by the way, you're grounded.
Mm.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
Now, I hope that some of these Native artifacts, are going to inspire some culturally diverse costume choices this Halloween.
All it's inspiring for me is a nap.
Oh, I miss naps.
The dreaming, the snoring, the drooling.
Since when did you give up drooling? Ah, naps.
Ah! Here's a sight for scary eyes.
According to Native legend, an ancient Warlord would use this mask, to bring to life the fighting spirits of his army.
And the Warlord's warriors would don the furs of wolves and bears.
And then Do you know what would happen? Animal-rights groups would protest? They smelled like old carcasses? No, the natives believed the warriors would turn into actual wolves and bears! Oh! Scary stuff, eh, kids? - I saw that you were sleeping, Rory.
- I was just pretending to sleep! Oh, great! Well, now you can pretend to stay after class, and clean the blackboards.
It seems like I'm doing this for real.
I don't like giving real detentions, so I try to turn them into imagination time.
It, uh, it helps me manage my guilt.
Oh, uh, don't touch those artifacts.
Okay.
But Mr.
Warlord Shaman will touch everything! She's the girl next door.
Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
What you get is what you see.
No more "maybe it's Maybelline".
She can give you everything you need.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.
How excited are you? For math? Not very.
Hello! Vampire Halloween party? How cool does that sound? A lot cooler than " Babysitting because I need money.
" No.
You're not! This is our first Vampire Halloween party! Well, if I explain it to Ethan's mom that way, I'm sure she'll give me the night off.
It was gonna be great.
Maybe, but not as awesome, as the night where I dressed up as butter and you were salt, and we did the popcorn dance at the theater? - Pop, pop, pop.
- Corn, corn, corn.
Six bucks for a small.
Don't try to cheer me up! I am grumpy.
Pop, pop, pop! - What's wrong with Erica? - She keeps grumbling about popcorn prices.
Ugh! I told her I couldn't go to her Halloween party with her tonight because I have to babysit.
I wish I could just have fun tonight.
No offense.
Yeah, I feel really bad about that.
Hey, I'm having a party later tonight.
You can babysit that! You're having a Halloween party? Yeah, sure.
Why not? Because it'll just be the two of us, that's why.
Are you seriously trying to tell me that, we don't have a dozen friends with ready-to-wear costumes, and no Halloween plans? We invite the mathletes, and we're halfway there.
Aw.
You really want to make Sarah's night, don't you? I just don't want to ruin her night.
Anyways, we could at least invite Rory.
What? Do you remember what happened last time? I'm a caveman! I'm a caveman! I'm a caveman! Ugh! I'm a caveman! I'm a caveman! And that wasn't even a costume party.
Look, I'm sure he'll be better this time.
I still think that's better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I'll be home by 11:00.
Have fun with your friends, and don't forget to take Jane trick-or-treating.
I can't forget what I never remember.
Wow.
Do all of those Dusk characters really talk like that? Yeah.
Especially Jakeward.
He's "thoughtful.
" And very handsome.
I thought you hated all that stuff.
How come you're dressed like him? Hi, Sarah.
- Hey.
- Who are you dressed up as? I'm Rochelle from Dusk.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Well, have a good time, guys! See ya, mom.
Jakeward, huh? You should really pop the collar.
- Much better.
- Yes.
Better.
So.
What's your name? Beep bop, bo, bo beep beep.
Bap boop.
"Behold the Insaniac, the crazy supercomputer.
" Super.
Hey, pretty cool party, huh? Insaniac has been beeping at me for 20 minutes.
To be fair, he does that even when he's not in costume.
Look, I know this isn't the night you had in mind, but try and have some fun.
Go and dance with Finja over there.
That costume doesn't even make sense.
If he's a fish, how is he supposed to breathe on land? Finja's half dolphin.
They breathe air.
What you should be mad about is that plastic sword.
Not authentic.
Arriba! Who are you supposed to be? Well, I couldn't decide between Merlin and a Mexican wrestler, so I picked both! Say hola to El Merlo Loco The wizard-wrestler, who combines the best of the arcane, and the insane! Hey, Whitechapel! Are you ready to party? Wow.
Compared to this, Erica's traditional Vampire Halloween, is starting to sound like a blast.
Yeah.
I can't believe you got us kicked out of that party, you goon! Rory! This is the worst night ever.
I can't believe I'm going to do this.
Erica? What happened to traditional Vampire night? Rory got us booted.
He wouldn't take off that stupid mask.
So, where is he? He was following me, so I threw him.
I'm not quite sure where he ended up.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
This party is way under control.
At least I can have fun with you.
Yeah? Great.
Do you know where I can set up my meditation blanket? - Your what? - That's how we celebrate The true Vampire Halloween.
Have any candles? No? All right.
Huh, the green ones don't taste as green as they used to.
Hey! You're supposed to take me trick-or-treating! Let's go! Time is candy! Okay, okay.
Don't get your whiskers in a knot.
Can I come with you? Girl-illa won't stop flirting with me.
Dude, she's flirting with me.
As if.
Sarah, I'll be back in a bit.
Ooh! What are you doing? Woo-hoo! Ha! Ha! He-yaw! What's that for? If we're doing this, I'm gonna break my record.
11.
28 pounds.
Yeah.
Meow! Meow.
Oh, what a sweet little mouse.
- Huh? - Here dear.
Oh, my.
Children certainly are getting tall these days.
Are you sure you're not too old to be doing this? Let me get my glasses out.
No! I'm ten.
I love recess and balloons, and That cartoon about that bouncy thing.
All right, then.
There you go.
Thanks.
Okay, Finja.
That's really cool, but you're gonna chop somebody.
Take it easy.
What is with these nerds? - Are you serious? - What? That house is a candy gold mine.
Their fun-size bars are actually fun.
You have 14 pounds of seed mints.
A record's a record.
Erica, I need What are you doing? - Trying to meditate.
- Can you come downstairs for a minute? I can't.
I have to commune with my inner predator Or else I won't be cleansed enough for Chapter three.
But I seriously need a hand.
The nerd fest down there is getting a little rowdy.
Since you put it that way, no.
Can you keep the music down? That's 10 houses.
You got enough yet? I wanna find Benny and get back to the party.
Yeah, good enough.
I'll be sick tomorrow for sure.
Ugh! Oh, man.
I thought the seeds would be the worst part, but it's clearly the mint.
Now, open your mouth and say, "ah".
Aah I said, are you ready to party? Indeed.
Now, take two gumdrops and call me last night.
Hey, Kevin.
Want a seed mint? What I want can't be found in all tomorrow's yesterdays.
Wow.
That's a really good Dr.
When impression.
Somebody's a fan boy.
I have to go.
I'll be here any minute.
Don't leave yet.
We're gonna order six feet of pizza from Feetza.
Was that as impossible as I think it was? That looks like a real sword.
That sounds and smells like a real gorilla.
What day is it? What day is it? - Something's not right here.
- I know.
This party is awesome.
I never knew our friends were so much fun.
I don't think they are.
- Hey, Rory.
Neat mask.
- Huh? Rory.
What's going on here? Meow! - Jane? - Meow! Hey! We took you trick-or-treating, you rug-rat! There you are! Okay.
Did Rory just turn Jane into a cat? I don't know what's happening, but he really got this party started.
Look, he's wearing that Native mask from Mr.
G's class.
What did Mr.
G say it did? You're asking me to remember something from class? Figure it out later.
Stop it now.
We can't let a gorilla and a ninja out onto the streets.
I got this.
Groundus domicus eternius! That's the spell grandma uses to ground me.
No one gets outside.
Ethan! I'm home! - What about inside? - Oh, hey, Rory.
It doesn't do it that way.
- Mom? - Quiet! Not another word! Or I'll turn you into a toad! Can she really Ethan, please don't jump out at me again.
It was so disgusting to catch you.
You know, I think he's cuter as a toad.
All right, stand back.
Amphibiar formus malnath ecto-personam! What? What is it? Uh, nothing! Everything is fine.
You do not have a hideous toad head.
That's my next five nightmares.
What? Why did I just ribbit? Okay, no, I got it now.
I know what I did wrong.
Amphibiar returnus malnath ecto-personam.
H-h-hey! I'll freak out about this later.
Let's get to work.
Erica, help me find Jane.
She's sort of a cat now.
Fine.
I will help you find your cat, then that is it.
I need to shun the material world, and And "feel the pulse of lifeblood.
" That sounds That sounds awesome.
So, an ancient Warlord used this mask, to turn his warriors into wolves and bears.
We know that.
What happens after? The Gods were angry with this Warlord, so they blasted his mask off with a bolt of lightning.
And his warriors turned back to normal.
Can you lightning the mask off? This is 15,000-year-old magic.
Only a big-time wizard would have this kind of power.
A wizard like El Merlo Loco? Sure.
He's awesome.
But he's just a costume, Ethan.
Am I supposed to go down there and get Rory to, turn me into the real El Merlo Loco, so I can have the magic horsepower to stop him? Okay, just reach in and grab her.
You have longer arms.
Ow! Whatever! She's safe! Things under the bed are safe.
Let's close the door and leave her in here.
She has hands, she can open a door.
Fine! Here, Jane! Come on.
Do you want treat? Kitty, kitty.
Kitty.
That'll keep her busy.
We're done.
Okay.
Oh! Great Warlord! Your army has an ape and a butler But you're missing a mighty wizard like me! Hey, Benny.
Get that lightning going.
It's almost midnight.
We need to get Rory's mask off! Don't tell me You don't speak English.
Bueno.
Rory! No! Ethan! You feel okay? The name's Jakeward.
And I feel everything.
Except okay.
Okay.
All my brew needs now Is a fat, juicy child! - Ooh! - Ooh! Erica, we need your help! Benny doesn't speak English, and Ethan won't stop brooding.
See? All I wanted was a quiet Vampire ritual.
One that turned out to be boring and confusing, and is making me feel like 500 years old! I've had it! I've had it! It is nerd-bashing time, folks! My heart doesn't beat But it feels so beaten.
Wow.
Out of my way.
"Ow?" Really? Rory, take off that mask.
The high moon of Hallow's Eve is upon us.
Let us reflect in silence.
Woo! What are you doing? Shadowbrew, not chili.
Now where's that toad I had? Unhand that spice! Erica? Erica? Ah.
Jakeward, help! Rochelle! Nobody hugs my girl's head.
A trick! You filthy child! Jakeward! You're in danger! You're everything I've ever wanted everywhere.
And you're all the nothing I ever have to lose.
Are you ready to have that mask come off? Let me hear you! Yeah! Oh! What are we doing? I don't know.
But must have been for a good reason, right? Not good enough.
Is this a party? Am I invited? Oh, my head.
When did I make stew? Okay none of this makes sense.
Help! I'm stuck under the bed! Has anyone seen my hamster? Ethan! Yeah? Did you have some kind of wild, out of control Halloween party? Kinda.
Maybe.
Really? Well Good for you.
I knew you could do it.
And by the way, you're grounded.
Mm.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but naughty, a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.