Spy (2011) s02e11 Episode Script

1 Philip doesn't mind you making a little money on the side.
He just prefer if it wasn't selling exam questions.
If Philip was so sure I was bent, he would've sent a prefect.
Benefits of being netball coach.
I'd know of anyone being promoted Shame.
We barely got to know each other.
I know where you keep your inhaler.
Stop! - What is it? - What's wrong? I've changed my mind.
This spy's stuff is boring.
How can you say that? Come on.
Half of the programs on TV are about spies.
- That's so childish.
- We can't just abandon it now.
The Christmas party is in one week.
And we promised there will be a film.
Think about it.
It's Christmas.
- What is everybody really want for Christmas time? - A pashmina.
Better than that.
A musical.
Put the word out.
We start auditions at noon.
-- SPY S02E11 -- Codename: Show Stopper Christmas Special You alright? - No.
- Oh dear.
It's just so hard, you know? I mean, God, I was in love with her, Tim.
- You're not gonna cry again, are you? - No.
- 'Cause I can get Karen.
Karen! - No.
It's ok.
I'm all cried-out.
This is happening, okay? - Are you close enough? - I've been thinking about it, though and it just doesn't add up.
- What doesn't? - We were doing great, get along really well, communicating, - sharing, the sex was awesome.
- Moving on.
Thinking back I keep getting this nagging.
No, forget about it.
- What? - I don't even wanna think it.
- Think what? - Tim.
I think she's in love with someone else.
- No.
- I'm serious.
Have any idea who that could be? - That's what I wanna to ask you.
- Me? Why do you ask me for? - I'm not I really not I've done anything - Relax.
I know is not you.
I mean, I think we can both agree she's a little out of your league.
What's so ridiculous about Caitlin and I being lovers? Thanks man.
I appreciate your try to cheer me up.
- How about Moritz? - Moritz?! I'm better looking than him.
What? I am, come on.
I mean - Gunter maybe but Moritz? - Is someone around here.
I can feel it.
- Listen - When I find out who he is I'm gonna rip his face of his shoulders with kitchen tongs and I don't know, something sharp.
Sorry man, you were saying? So Moritz you think? Are we sure about this? A musical tackles the timeless themes.
Love, greed, jealousy, betrayal, revenge, pain - hurt, pain - Are you missing Justine? - Not so much, why? - No reason.
Well, that aside, it is of course Christmas and I have a little something to thank you for your hard work this term.
- Oh, thanks Marcus.
- Thank you.
You've earned it.
Wow! You renounce the three pounds I owed you.
"A donation has been made to a charity in your name".
- How generous of me.
- Enough with the festivities.
Where are we on these auditions? - Thank you for seeing so short notice.
- Don't usually work weekends.
- It's Wednesday.
- Is it? Then it should be patients out there.
Anyway, as you know we're very grateful for what you have done so far - When are you gonna make a decision? - Philip! I'm sorry Owen, but you've been assisting this family for months now and I just feel Judith and I can't move on until this custody dispute is resolved.
- You feel the same way? - It's all I can think about.
The uncertainty is tearing us apart! Then you're right let's bring this matter to an end.
Thank you.
Suppose I'd offer custody of Marcus for one night with Judith.
- I'd assume you're kidding.
- I'm not kidding.
Think about it.
Then night will come and go but custody of Marcus is something you can both enjoy the rest of your lives.
I'm sorry, we're seriously doing "Indecent Proposal"? - Ah, you've seen it.
- Yes, of course we have! Everyone has! You're a joke.
Come on Philip.
I'm not playing around Judith.
One night with me - you get custody of Marcus for the rest of your life.
- And if I don't? Well, I'm sure Tim could be persuaded to give you some visiting hours, perhaps every few months.
Think about it.
It was supposed to go in.
Annoying.
- Have you sold any tickets yet? - Quite a few.
- You are telling people is a musical aren't you? - Yeah.
- Keep me updated.
- We'll do.
- You haven't sold any tickets, have you? - No.
Gin! I thought we were playing poker.
And what's your name? - Sadie.
- And how old are you Sadie? - Ten.
- What are you gonna be singing for us today? - I'm gonna sing "Somewhere over the rainbow".
- Off you go.
Sometimes I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops away - Can you stop it there please? Is there a problem? - I've done something to offend you? - What do you mean? Well you're clearly trying to punish me and I'm not sure why.
What, I'm not good? Sadie, there're prisoners in Guantanamo being waterboarding that sound better than you.
- I can sing another song if you like.
- Next.
What's the matter with you today? - I was just telling her the truth.
- She didn't deserved that.
I don't remember asking for your views.
- Just saying.
- Well, don't.
This is my show.
Go and get the next one.
They're doing they best, you know? Try being a little nicer.
- Who's next? - No one.
What are you talking about? I've got a full list here.
No one is gonna audition for you.
They've gone on strike.
- What are we gonna do? - This is your show.
Sure you will figure something out.
Come on, Paul.
Daniel?! Paul?! - Would you like some tea? - No thank you darling.
Sorry about this, - should not take long.
- Don't worry about me, I'm perfectly happy.
- I love you.
- Love you more.
- We can't! - I know! - Who does he think he is? - Like I would ever agree to something like that.
- It's not worth giving it another second thought.
- Let's forgot ain't it.
- What it is? - I don't know! - Although - Yes? Just it would be great for Marcus to come and live with you again.
- That's true.
- And in time, maybe you and I could even get married and be a proper family.
Maybe.
Anyway, it's forgotten.
Philip? I think you want me to do it.
- Do you want to do it? - No! But I would.
But I can sing.
I can.
Can I do it, please? Of course, what could be less humiliating than my father performing on my musical? - But I'm good Tell him.
- He's really good.
- Is he? - No idea.
- Shut up.
Will you think about it? Do you miss Justine? - Not really.
- Not you.
- Though you and Philip were gonna run a disco? - That's cancelled.
You made a wise decision.
Come in.
And before you ask, yes, mom is already gone to bed.
You sold every single ticket? Plus an extra thirty.
- I'm impressed.
- Yeah, was nothing.
They must be big fans of musical theatre.
- Tinie Tempah? - A private gig.
One night only.
- How much? - Forty pounds each.
Yeah.
We're on.
You know? I really think they were.
That's me.
Good work Chris.
Yeah.
Cheers.
Have a good day.
I've got you a little present.
Beautiful.
How do you afford all this? I do steal quite a lot from my mom and my patients.
Hello Judith.
Oh, Philip.
- I didn't see you there.
- Hey Phil.
- How've you been? - Yes.
Ok.
Good.
Good.
You? I've been living in the bottomless pit of torment and despair tormented up by the howling nightmares, with only my screams to keep me company.
- Yeah, I've had neighbours like that.
- Owen.
I'm going to the shop.
Any one wants anything? - Phil? - Drop dead.
I'll get you celery.
- How could you do this to me? - Don't put it all on me.
You sent me in there.
You should've never let me go.
No, you're right.
And I will regret it for the rest of my life.
¡No, Philip! Philip.
- We've got to tell him.
- How? It's no fair on him.
On him? Did you heard what he said? - About the tongs and the face and the sharp thing? - He didn't meant it.
- I'd rather not put it to the test.
- When do you suggest we tell him? When our third child graduates college? - Tim - Just - just leave it for now.
- What if he finds out? He won't.
Trust me.
You had a tough couple of weeks.
The toughest.
I'm sorry.
You made a good looking couple.
- Thanks.
- You checked any videos? - What? - What? - It's just hard to see her everyday.
- I bet.
But I want you to know Portis that MI5 is still your home.
- I appreciate that.
- It's not gonna be easy.
- No.
- Particularly now that she and Tim are a couple.
Caitlin and Tim? Are a couple? No.
Are they? - I can't believe this.
- I didn't say that.
- I trusted Tim.
- Yeah, what about me? - What about you? - Well, I always hope to have a pop with Caitlin.
- What? - I know, I know.
What are you gonna do? She's been in love with Tim for years.
For years? I really have to stop talking.
You are not gonna do anything silly, are you? Hey bro.
How is it going? - Yeah I'm seeing things much clearly now.
- Good for you.
Meeting in the open.
You learn fast.
You said that anyone of us could challenge you Marcus.
- That's because I figured no one would ever do it.
- You figured wrong.
- Guys seriously but Goldstein is your leader? - He's a team player Marcus.
- He listen to us.
- And people want a Nativity or a talent show.
A musical will be so much better.
Nativity or talent show.
Neither.
- Pick.
- I hate Nativity plays.
- Well then talent show it is.
- We are not doing a talent show.
I don't think you have so many options.
What are you gonna do, a one-man show? One-man of course! Philip?! Marcus.
Are you living in here? Just till I find my feet.
- You look terrible.
- No, I'm fine.
Listen.
I need to ask you a favour.
- Why don't you ask your new dad? - Owen? - Is that what this is about? - He stole her from me.
- Then steal her back.
- Is too late.
Too late? Is that what Norman Schwarzkopf would have said? - Is he going out with Judith as well? - No.
Look, I'll help you get her back.
- Really? - Yes.
- But first I need you to sing in the musical.
- Me? I can't sing.
Dance, obviously, but sing? - Hey! You know who should you ask? - I'm not asking Tim.
You should not letting pride get the better of you.
I'll figure something out.
Ok.
Yeah.
Bye.
- Where are you going? - It was Philip.
Marcus wants me to sing in his musical.
- His school musical.
- ¡I know! I see you later.
Ok.
Hi.
I was just wondering if you had seen Portis.
- No for a bit, why? - No.
No reason.
- Is everything all right? - Yeah, yeah.
I'm not paying Mat.
I don't care about his UK Tour.
He's not a major recording artist.
I got to go.
You know the terms.
Call me back.
- What do you want? - Philip says you want me to sing in your musical.
- Just, just hear him out.
- How many times do I have to say it? You're not performing in my show and there's nothing you can do to change my mind.
Che più cercando io vo? Che più cercando io vo? M'amma Oh sì m'amma lo vedo.
Lo ve-e-e-e-do.
Stop it.
No, stop it.
Stop it.
Really? Ok.
Thank you.
Grazie.
Grazie mile.
Thank you.
Yeah? You got a deal.
I've got Duncan, from Blue.
- Still no sign? - No Sir.
- Ok.
What is going on? - Is nothing.
- Sir? - No Ok, ok.
- There is a chance that Portis knows about you and Tim.
- What? How? - I told him.
- Oh come on.
- I'm sorry it was a mistake.
- How did he take it? Yeah, yeah, pretty well actually.
- Really? - No, no.
He looks psychotic.
Where is he? We don't know.
Oh dear.
You could help.
I'm good thanks.
Get that, would you? Come on, come on, pick up.
Could we slow down a little? I forgot how much I love driving.
I really should get my licence.
No, I can't provide Duncan with alcohol.
Because I'm ten years old and then it would be illegal for you to ask me to procure alcohol.
That includes vodka.
And gin, yes.
Hello? Oh thank God, is Marcus with you? Portis is off to him.
Hello? Hello? You have to speak up I can't hear you.
Portis is coming for Marcus.
What about Portis? Anyone has seen Marcus? Marcus? Marcus! Marcus! I can't find Marcus.
Oliver, have you seen Marcus? Marcus.
Ok.
- How long? - Operational in three minutes.
Ok.
- Where is he? - We don't know yet.
- How could you let this happen? - I didn't do anything.
Just wait here and I'll see what are they doing.
No they don't need you getting in the way.
They are professionals Tim, let them do their job.
Fine.
I'll just see if they want some coffee or something.
I wouldn't mind a latte if you go.
Or not.
No pressure.
Don't worry they they will find him.
I promise.
Yes, right.
- Anything? - No, not yet.
- Then work harder.
- We're doing our best Tim.
He could be anywhere.
- So unoriginal.
- What are you talking about? I take this is your first kidnapping.
Why do you say that? An abandon warehouse.
Seriously? It will be hard to find.
Perhaps.
But it does rather lack imagination, wouldn't you say? No.
I bet you've been hearing it your entire life.
Portis tries hard but rarely excels.
- Solid but shows flair.
- Shut up.
- Make of something brawn but lacks of brain.
- Shut up! - Touched a nerve? - Yeah.
Tim wasn't fooling.
You really are a horrible kid.
Did he said that? Only like everyday.
- No wonder he hates you.
- No he doesn't.
Now who's hit the nerve? If he hates me so much then why is he fighting for custody? Beats me.
Probably because he's pathetic and week.
Just another lanky british "excuse me", "pardon me, I'm so bumbling but charming Hugh Grant".
Douchbag! You're jealous from him, aren't you? Don't make me laugh.
Yes.
You are.
I can see it.
- What are you doing? - He's done something, hasn't he? Something to hurt you.
- Something personal.
- No.
- What did he do? - Nothing.
Portis.
It's not your fault.
What? It's not your fault.
I know.
No.
It's not your fault.
Don't mess with me man.
It's not your fault.
He stole her from me.
It's ok.
Let it all aloud.
I loved her and he took her away.
- It's ok.
- No! It's not ok! He took something away from me and now I'm gonna take something away from him.
Now, shit down! Actually I'm starting to think maybe it was your fault.
Yo! We're in the right place, yeah? This is Tinie's thing.
This is ridiculous.
- We need a cellular signal before we can triangulate.
- We're just sitting here.
I'm gonna head to my house.
- See if he's been back there.
- Good idea.
- I'll call you the moment I find anything, I promise.
- Ok.
Can we have a quick word? - Just send them home.
- But look at them.
I don't have time for this, ok? - Just give them the money back.
It will be fine.
- Yeah, about that - I haven't exactly got the money available right now.
- What is wrong with you? I've got the money, is just a little tied up at the moment.
- Always thinking of yourself.
- That's not true.
Sorry but can we get back to the more pressing issue? - What if someone went out there and stall for a bit? - Do whatever you like.
What sort of brash idiot will agree to go out there? Hello, hello St.
Benjamin's.
Are we having fun? - No? - Who are you? Oh, a heckler already.
What's your name fella? - Arthur.
- Arthur.
Where are you from Arthur? Canterbury.
Haven't got anything funny about Canterbury.
I've got one about Leeds.
Oh I think it might is borderline racist.
Hey, what's with that Euro zone? Surely we won't be govern by the Germans, just ask the Queen.
Because she's a german ancestry.
Is this a state's school? - Cos that joke absolutely kills at Harrow.
- We want Tinie! I'm sorry if my political satire's too challenging for you.
Get off the stage! Who here agrees with our friend? That's actually a little more than I was expecting.
- What about there? - Nothing.
Hey bro.
- What are you doing Portis - Oh, you know just a little payback.
Marcus has nothing to do with this.
He does now.
Portis - Are you, Sir? - Hi.
- Listen to me, you spineless little twerp! - No! - Listen.
I knew you were no good the first minute I set eyes on you.
Why is everyone being so mean to me today?!! Oh come on, miserable coward.
What are your demands? I want Tim to break up with Caitlin.
- Ok.
- No deal.
What? They're in love.
Get over it.
I did.
- You did? - Not important right now.
- Just tell him I'll do it.
- Tim refuses to do it.
- Well if Tim is not prepared to release Catlin - I'll do it.
- I'm not prepared to release the boy! - Fine by me.
- What? - What did you say? - Keep the kid, he's horrible.
- What are you doing? Trust me.
In that case you'll never see Marcus again.
Listen, I have a particular set of skills.
Skills I've acquired over a very long career.
Skills that make me a nightmare and and He's gone.
Call him back.
Phone's gone dead.
Phone is dead.
Damn Limey! Well that went well.
- This is your fault.
- Mmm.
I can see that.
I've got a fix.
- What? - We have his location.
- You stay here.
- No, you stay here.
- I'll go to get my son.
- Ok, I'll come with you.
- No! - But you can't go alone.
- He won't be alone.
He will be with me.
- No I won't.
- Oh please! - No.
- I'll behave.
- Do what you like.
- Yes! - Do I get a gun? - No.
Really? I was sort of counting on that.
How about a stitch? Er What else? Er Er, does anyone here follow women's hockey? Where's Marcus? I don't know.
Something is wrong.
- Keep it moving! - Hey! Not being paid for this, you know.
- Will Portis be armed? - Of course he will.
- I think we need to tell them.
- They've started throwing bottles at him.
I can't afford to have people panicking right now.
If the press gets hold of this then Portis may do something stupid which would put Marcus in even greater danger.
What's going on? - Where's Marcus? - Who're this people? I think you deserve to know the truth.
- We are in fact a group of travelling entertainers.
- What? Marcus hire us.
Well, your man on stage is atrocious.
Which why my next act is about to go on.
But I may need your help.
Hey.
- Any news? - We found him.
- Where? - The old abandon factory of Dudley Road.
- I'll be there in ten minutes.
- Ok.
Be careful Tim.
Hello St.
Benjamin's.
One, two, three four! - Do you see him? - Yeah.
I'll go in the front you go around the back.
- Alone? - Yes, alone.
- You're the one who wanted to come.
- It's ok for you.
You've got a gun.
- Just go.
- Ok, I'm going.
Give 'em the old hocus pocus Bead and feather 'em How can they see with sequins in their eyes? What if your hinges are all rusting? What if, in fact, you're just disgusting? Razzle dazzle 'em And they'll never catch wise! Well, if it isn't my good buddy.
- You're ok? - Yes.
- We'll be out of here in no time.
- Don't count on it.
Hey, wait a minute.
Did you come alone? I don't wanna bother anyone, for a little bit of house cleaning.
Uhhh, trash talk, I like it.
I have to hand it to you Tim.
I don't know how you put up with him.
He's pure evil.
- He can be challenging.
- Challenging? I've known Mossad interrogators easy to get along with.
What can I say.
Those things don't matter when you love someone.
Like my love for Caitlin? - She didn't love you.
- She could have.
With time.
- I'm sorry.
- You sure will be.
Hey Marcus, you know how me and your dad know each other? You work in the civil service together? Sort of.
Actually Did you see that? - What? - Don't move.
- Don't move.
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's over now.
- No, it isn't.
- What do you mean? - It's too late.
- For what? I'm sorry Tim.
I'm sorry.
Hello? Is anybody there? I am armed.
So am I.
- That was truly inspirational.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey, great show everyone.
Great show.
It's for you.
Probably Broadway.
- Shoot.
- Where the hell have you been? - Yeah, good thanks.
- No, how "where".
- Who is this? - It's Chris.
- Ah, you guys.
How is going over there? - We've got Portis.
Oh damn.
I've money on him killing you all.
Would you just shut up? Tim is on his way around to Caitlin's, he thinks she's in trouble.
Pass him over.
Hello.
What happened with the show? Yeah, it's all in hand, in fact it's going pretty well.
We'll be back in twenty minutes.
Keep it going.
Give me your gun.
- Where're you going? - Caitlin's Are you going to shoot her? No.
It's just that Tim needs me.
But I need you.
Can't you tell, I've always needed you! I love you, Sir! - Little bit weird, ain't it? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Sorry about that.
Come on, go.
- Enjoy humiliating him, didn't you? - Who? Portis.
Sweet, gentle Portis.
The same sweet gentle Portis who just kidnapped a ten year old boy? What did you expect? - You drove him out of his mind.
- So it's my fault.
You never took the time to understand him.
To be sensitive to what he went through in captivity.
He's a complex man.
With a beautiful soul.
- And big biceps.
- So is it your plan to bore me to death? You always were too feisty for him.
What are you doing here? I couldn't abandon my superstar.
Are you wearing make up? A little.
- Marcus! - Oh my God, Marcus! - Are you alright? - I'm fine thanks.
- Where's Tim? - He's ok I think.
- Where were you Marcus? - Yeah, we were worried.
Oh my God this is so nauseating.
You deserve each other.
I'm sorry Judith.
You're one hot little mamma but I just can't stand your child.
Nothing personal Marcus.
I hate all children.
Actually it's a little personal, I dislike you more than any child I ever met.
Here you are.
Congratulations Judith.
I'm recommending that you get sole custody of Marcus.
- What about Tim? - What about him? Isn't this what you wanted? - I suppose.
- Have a good life.
Or don't.
I really don't bother.
Actually can I just give you this it's a feedback form.
If you could Ok? Ciao.
- How's the show going? - Not good, the audience is getting restless.
Gotta help poor Daniel, with that show.
And so what happens now? We wait for Portis.
Oh.
What? Bit awkward but Portis is already been arrested.
That idiot.
Can he do anything right? - I'm sure he did his best.
- Well his best is clearly not good enough.
- You could be a little more supportive.
- The amount of time I put in with him? The movies, the dinners still he kept saying the same thing "I'm seeing Caitlin".
"I'm too young for you".
"How did you get into my house?" You know what? You were right not to marrying him.
- Is a waste of space.
- He's a decent man at heart.
And I'm sure he'll makes someone a good husband one day.
When he's out of prison.
You're a good person.
You know? I wouldn't be too unhappy if you untie me now.
Oh, right.
- No, I'm not gonna do it.
- No? No, I'm afraid I'm still gonna have to kill you.
- Oh.
- Yeah, with the evidences of my involvement and everything - You understand.
- Not really.
I'll try to do a neat job.
I'm loving this by the way.
- Really works with your figure.
- Thanks.
Alright.
Suppose we better get this over with.
Freeze! I wanted to say that.
- I thought you've got Duncan from Blue.
- I did.
Guess his not coming.
What what are we gonna do? Ladies and gentleman I give you our headline act this evening Ain't no Tinie Tempah! He's tiny though.
So let me make my attempt I'm really sorry I'm late.
Should I go now? Get lost Duncan.
I also act.
Yeah! Ain't no party like a Christmas party! All the swags in a row say say - You took your time.
- Yeah, sorry.
Couldn't find any way to park.
- How've you been? - Good.
Yeah.
And you? - Not so bad.
- Ok.
- So how do we resolve this? - Quite easy actually.
You lower your weapons and I walk out of here, or she gets it! - I think I can make the shot.
- Forget it.
- Should I try? - No.
I think is worth to go.
You categorically do not have my permission to shoot! Typical of this youth! No ambition! Tell me about it.
So what's going to be? How about this.
What are you doing? - Game theory.
- What? If I shoot Caitlin she's got nothing to bargain with.
That's clever uh? - No! - No! - Why not? - Because we're trying very hard not to make Caitlin dead.
- Thank you.
- Come on it's a good plan.
I kill Caitlin, you kill her and - everybody is happy.
- No they're not.
- Put the gun away from her.
- No.
- Put the gun away from Caitlin! - No.
I'm warning you.
You shoot Caitlin I will shoot you.
Isn't someone suppose to be shooting me? Keep out of this.
- Put the gun down Tim.
- No.
- Put that gun down! - No! I think we may have lost focus on the objective here.
- I've never been good enough for you, am I? - What? Yeah.
You do everything you can for them but is it never good enough.
So true.
- I'm not your son.
- No.
But I love you like you are.
- Really? - Seriously? We're doing this now? - I didn't know you felt that way.
- Well now you do.
- I don't know what to say.
- Come here.
Son.
It's so lovely.
- I'm sorry.
- It's ok.
I'm the one who should say sorry.
Now! I'm really sorry.
- You shot me! - I know.
- Does it hurt? - Yes.
Hey, how's our little hero.
Loosing blood.
Yeah, sorry again about shooting you.
- Are you still angry with me? - Yes.
Sorry.
- Well I'll catch up with you at the hospital.
- Ok.
Tim.
- Yeah.
- Why is he wearing make up? I don't know.
Ok.
I'll I'll - get a ride on the police car.
- No.
- Would you stay with me? - Yeah.
Ok.
No Owen then.
What's what I say? We didn't want to tell you while, you know Caitlin was in hospital.
But Owen has made his recommendation on custody.
Well I suppose that was to be expected.
You must be happy.
I'm sorry.
Why are you sorry for? You get to live with her.
Punishment enough.
Seriously.
I'm sure you're gonna be very happy.
- What is that? - I don't know.
It's been going all morning.
Hi.
Hello? Oh right yeah.
I forgot to tell you I bought the house.
- You? - Yeah.
- And how could you afford that? - I don't wanna go into details but I've been stealing a lot of money this year.
That is true.
Anyway, the thing is I am gonna need someone to help me with the mortgage.
Me? Well I figured these guys gonna move back into the family home so what do you reckon? What do you reckon? Fancy having me as your new neighbour? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.
I couldn't agree more.
Tim.
Tim.
You've got to help me.
I'm in big trouble.