Superstore (2015) s02e11 Episode Script
Rebranding
1 NARRATOR: What does it mean to change? To embrace progress? To transform? Cloud 9 is pleased to announce that our in-store brand "Halo" has now become "SuperCloud.
" A new day has dawned.
All right, there you have it.
So it's a big day today.
We start our rebranding.
Does rebranding mean they're redesigning the store? No, we'll be taking our in-store product "Halo" and changing it to "SuperCloud.
" And how are they different? That, uh, what I just said.
It used to be called "Halo.
" Now it's called SuperCloud.
- Oh.
- Maybe I'm not, um, selling the excitement of what's happening today.
Let's see if this helps.
["Get Ready For This" By 2 Unlimited Plays.]
Y'all ready for this? [Upbeat Music.]
[Electronic Music.]
Wow, that song is a little longer than I thought.
- What was that, 11 minutes? - 12 All right, anyway 12? Sorry about that.
Uh, moving on, we have buttons for everybody to wear today, and there's a VP coming in to oversee this rollout.
A VP of corporate? I'm gonna need to borrow somebody's lipstick.
Not Amy's way too slutty.
Who's that lady? Oh, that's Kelsey, from Cloud 9.
She's the new SuperCloud mascot.
Why is a smiling white lady always the mascot? 'Cause in my experience, usually they're, like, the first to snap.
She's not wrong.
I personally blame all the yogurt white ladies eat.
Why didn't they make it a superhero? You know, 'cause SuperCloud? And it could have, like, a cape or something, and, like, little cloud muscles.
Yeah, wow, that's Clean, it's simple, it's visual, that is probably what it should've been.
Damn.
So all right, let's just move on.
Here are some words we'd like you guys to pepper in to the conversation today whenever SuperCloud comes up, obviously, so "cool," "millennial," "on fleek" Have to go back to the superhero mascot, I'm so sorry, that's just a home run.
Yeah, and he could be saving people with savings.
[Bleep.]
, that's good.
- Oh, excuse me.
- Yeah? Where is the Halo toilet paper? I could only find this stuff.
Yeah, this is our new product line: the SuperCloud, and I have been ordered to tell you how excited I am about it.
But I like Halo.
Right, well, apologies, but we've actually shifted completely to SuperCloud.
This is not a good time in my life for this.
Rachel just broke up with me.
I don't know who that is.
I thought I knew who she was.
You know, I gotta tell ya Ooh, look out, ladies.
Here comes a stylish dude.
Yeah, somehow he makes baldness look cute.
Hey, I'm not talking about Jeff.
I'm talking about the other guy.
Yeah, obvs.
I was kidding.
Jeff is like the ugliest guy in the world.
So busted.
Like stretched-out Danny DeVito.
Hey, guys, excuse me.
I want you to meet Rex Joshi.
He's in from the main office.
Hey, call me Mr.
Joshi.
Pleasure to meet you.
So good to meet you.
So good to meet you guys.
Let me tell you something: we are so excited about this SuperCloud.
We think it's going straight up to the sky.
So who's gonna help me get out there and make this rollout huge? Big success.
Who's with me? You have a lot of hand gestures.
Always doing something with those hands.
- You betcha.
- Oh, okay.
- One of those.
- Pshew.
One more time.
Stick shift.
[Laughs.]
We could do that all day.
Hey, sorry to interrupt, guys, but these boxes really need to be uniform.
Thank you, sorry, I just gotta stay on top of them.
Yeah, I'll make sure they fix it.
Please do.
You are management, so you're most at fault here.
Okay, let's head over to Sporting Goods, Rex.
- Sure, yeah.
- Make sure things are in order.
Ooh, that was cold.
Um, have you decided who you're gonna take this out on later? 'Cause last week it was me Elias! That is not how you climb a ladder, you [Bleep.]
turd! Hey, Cheyenne, can you go wake up this lady that fell asleep in Electronics? Last time I tried something like that, I got punched in the beans.
Um, can I just buy some of this discounted Halo stuff for my baby first? It's normally so expensive I can barely afford her eye shadow.
Okay, but you know you're not supposed to buy things while you're clocked in, right? Well, can I set it aside for later before it sells out? Not supposed to but Okay, I'm sorry, no.
You'll have to do it when your shift's over.
No, I-I'm telling you, they they feel exactly the same because they are exactly the same.
Well, let me at least try your belly.
I'm not gonna Fine, but just be careful.
I'm ticklish.
Um, everything okay over here? Keep moving, I'm a Cloud Club Rewards Member.
- It's not a big deal.
- Jonah? - Rex? - Wait, I'm sorry, you know him? Yeah, we went to business school together.
Dude, what the hell are you doing here? Could you pull that up a little bit higher? - Pull it up higher? - I heard you.
Anyway, I just started driving, and and then I saw that they were hiring here - That's that's great.
- Yeah.
Wow, I wouldn't have guessed that.
I would've figured you were one of those guys who are on a voyage of self-discovery.
Oh.
You know, backpacking through Asia, rolling cigars in Cuba.
Or, as Jonah would say, "Coo-ba.
" - He does that? - Yeah.
[Laughter.]
Should I be embarrassed that I pronounce it the way native Coo-banos do, or? - You should.
- Okay.
Iceman.
I mean, look at you, man.
It has been too long.
I'm sorry, we're gonna need to take it back to "Iceman"? Yeah, that was my nickname in school.
They, uh, you know, ice in the veins, cool and collected.
It's because you were always cold in class.
You had that afghan.
That was a blazer.
That was a knit blazer.
Oh, my God.
You're Iceman.
I'm gonna hear this again, aren't I? Yes, Iceman, you are, Iceman.
"You're the manager, so you're the most at fault here.
" - That guy really sucks.
- Total asshat, right? - I hate his little eyes.
- I hate his stupid face.
I literally hope he dies.
What? Yeah, I I hope he does.
I hope he dies.
I really hope he dies.
Just dead.
Our team formulated a plan that featured WOM marketing, message-sending, and, of course, fluid branding Oh, my God, this is amazing.
Look at that little suit.
- It's like his bar mitzvah.
- Aww.
It looks like a normal-size suit to me.
All those words, and you said absolutely nothing.
Oh, Rex, thank you for giving us this gift.
Okay, I think we've seen enough.
Ah! [Light Music.]
I need to pull off the veil of secrecy.
What are you doing? What is that? Is that something you've practiced? Just a couple times in the mirror, don't worry about it.
Okay, listen.
I know you're really stressed out, but, okay, this isn't you, okay? People are starting to complain.
Who? Just, people, okay? Dina didn't like the way you talked to her in front of everybody.
She called you an asshat.
An asshat? Well, that's hurtful.
Uh, but I will try to do better.
And just since the veil of secrecy is off, I feel like you've been mentioning your ex-boyfriend a little too much.
Not the time.
Got it.
Veil on.
I love that you and Chad are still close.
Direct WOM management and indirect WOM management Garrett, can you please formulate a global strategy to fold the yoga pants in Softline? I will fold them along multiple distribution channels.
Very clever.
So great to reconnect with you, Rex.
You know what? Blech, that's kind of a boring topic, unless You rap about it.
[Gasps.]
[Beatboxing.]
[All Protesting.]
- Jonah! - Okay, party's over.
I love hip-hop.
Hey, at least now, when you go back, you know what not to do.
What do you mean, "go back"? When he goes back to school.
Your enrollment's still active.
Yeah, they said I could defer for two years, so But you're not actually planning on going back, are you? I mean, I hadn't given it much thought.
I mean, I I was not happy there, so, but you know.
I'm not sure.
That's not a no, Jonah! That's not a no! Nice job with this area, everyone.
Good job managing, Dina.
Thank you, Jeff.
Oh, also, uh, sorry if I've been a little bit harsh lately, but if anybody has a problem with me, I prefer they say it to my face than call me an asshat behind my back.
Good job with this area.
[Chuckles.]
Well, it seems we've got a rat in the store.
I'm not mad.
I'm not upset.
I'll allow myself to feel those things after I've hunted down and torn apart whatever little weasel tattled on me to Jeff.
Does anyone else hear that? It's like a high-pitched ringing.
[Chuckles.]
[Knocking.]
Hey, you, uh, wanted to see me? Yeah, please, have a seat.
I was reviewing my files, and I noticed there was something wrong with your contract, so you need to sign a new one.
Just standard boilerplate, you don't really need to read it.
"The undersigned agrees to work exclusively at Cloud 9 for the next 30 years"? [Mutters Weakly.]
This is very flattering, but I obviously can't sign that.
Okay, well, that's, uh, disappointing.
What is it that you want? Is it is it money? - No.
- 'Cause there's no money left in the budget, but I could fire someone.
- Glenn.
- Maybe Larry.
You don't need to fire Larry.
Oh, God, the poor man has lupus.
It's not about No, no, I'll do it.
He's gone.
Glenn, look, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, but I can't promise that it's never gonna happen.
Well, then, you're fired.
What? Of course you're not fired.
I love you! Okay, well, thank you.
Do you love me? I'm sorry? - Hey, we need to talk.
- [Chuckles.]
I know, right? [Clears Throat.]
What's going on, girl? No, not a gay talk.
We need to talk about who the snitch is.
Now, it had to be somebody in that room, but who? Okay, it couldn't have been Ramona, her husband doesn't let her talk to other men.
Wasn't Tim, his jaw's still wired shut, after talking to Ramona.
I know it wasn't me.
So that just leaves Justine, Elias, Sandra, you, uh - [Gasps.]
- What? You know how I hate to gossip, but I was out back last week, and I saw Jeff making out with Sandra.
Sandra? Yeah, man on woman.
It was disgusting.
Oh, my God, it was Sandra.
Oh, I am gonna drop-kick that bitch back into whatever volcano she crawled out of Wait, um, wouldn't it be worse if we didn't even tell her that we know, just ice her out, never talk to her again and don't tell her why? It's pretty much the meanest thing you can do to someone.
I don't know.
I didn't have a single friend in high school, and I loved it there.
Yeah, but, Sandra's not as strong as you.
- You're right.
- Yeah.
She's the weakest person I've ever met.
So, uh, just had a really weird convo with Glenn.
Look, um, I don't have a crystal ball, okay? II don't I don't know what's gonna happen in life, but I know one thing, and that is that we are always gonna be friends.
Hmm, you say that, but I don't know if I can believe you.
- You can.
- No, I I think that you'll probably just forget about us.
No, Amy, I would never forget about you guys.
You guys are are everything to me.
You're just this little flicker of sunlight that brightened our lives for a short while.
And now you must take that light to someone else, but it's okay because a little piece of your magic lives inside each and every one of us.
Okay.
Be free.
Forget I said anything.
No, wait, don't go, please.
Who's gonna force me to try tahini? [Hip-Hop Music.]
They say I went from being a pimp to being a rap mogul They spitting trill rap songs back on track slow On my rosé sippin' black bottles on them Up out of San Antone better get the math real Feel trill, got boys placing bets on me, big yellin' Got haters even plexin' on me trying to blast me Blast me, blast me Oh, whatcha got there, Eugene? You would not believe the amount of stuff that gets misstocked here.
Baby food in the barbeque.
I found shampoo in jeans.
I mean, who would do that? I don't know, probably some jerk or desperate mom or whatever.
Yeah, well, I worked really hard rounding it all up.
I stayed two hours past my shift, but I still I'm all out of trophies, Eugene.
That's okay.
Life is fine at Cloud 9 Life is great Hello, sir! Work starts at eight Two wolves I couldn't do it, but one wolf - Hey, guys.
- I could take it.
Did anyone watch "Vampire Diaries" last night? Damien's really gotten out of control.
You stupid slut! Dina - I can't hold it in any longer.
- What's happening? Sandra is having an affair with Jeff.
- No.
- Oh! Don't you deny it! You were seen kissing on the loading dock.
Ooh, Sandra, Sandra, Sandra! That's crazy, boo! I didn't know you had it in you.
Dish, girl.
I don't think we need to be talking about that.
Oh, I got questions, like, when did it start? About two weeks ago.
He pulled me into his Kia, and he said to me, "Sandra take out your taters.
" [All Gasp.]
And I did.
- And I put them in his face.
- [Cheering.]
Ooh, yeah! [Exclaiming.]
Hey, sorry about before.
Oh, that's fine.
I can take a little ribbing.
Yeah, it went on for a really long time.
Elias jumped in on it.
He does a really good impression of you.
It's like "Greetings, gentlemen.
" I can't do it.
Look, uh, I just don't want you to think that I got one foot out the door, okay? II'm here, just like everybody else.
Mm not just like everybody else.
I mean, you can leave if you want.
But I'm not.
But you can.
- But I'm not.
- But you can, and that's the difference between being stranded on a desert island or going on a nice tropical vacation.
You wanna think that, fine.
I happen to think it's exactly the same.
Okay.
I mean, if you want me to cancel my deferment, just say the word.
Yeah, okay.
- Cancel it.
- What? If you think there's honestly no difference, cancel it.
Okay, great, yeah.
I will, I'll do it I'll do it tonight.
No time like the present.
Okay.
I'll do it now.
- Great.
- It makes no difference to me.
I mean, if you need this, then sure, let's, uh I'm just gonna find the number.
It's in an email so I gotta search for it for just hang on one second.
I keep meaning to update the new OS.
You know what? I'm gonna just I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do that right now, real quickly.
Ugh, "estimated wait time four hours"? Hey, it's okay.
It's it's not me.
It's the Wi-Fi.
This is probably a router placement issue.
Jeff and I have these cute nicknames for each other.
He calls me "Deliciousness.
" - Ooh.
- [Laughs.]
And I call him Mr.
Man.
[Chuckling.]
Yeah, let's not forget she was blabbing to Jeff about us.
Ain't nobody care about that.
Yeah, I'm just morbidly intrigued at this point.
Do you have sex in his hotel? Oh, yeah, all the time.
Is there a coffee machine in there? Yep, one of those pod ones.
Do they have decaf? - I think so.
- Ooh.
Yes! And you guys will keep this a secret, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got you, Deliciousness.
[Laughter.]
Amy to Glenn's office, please.
Amy, report to Glenn's office, please.
So we just call each other into Glenn's office now? And that registration is under "Jonah Simms"? Yes, S-I-M-M-S.
Okay, let me pull up your records.
Thank you.
What are you doing? If you think some college deferral that I'm never even gonna use makes us so different, I don't want it.
I was just trying to prove a point.
- Hang up.
- No.
- Hang up.
- No.
No.
- No, no, you.
- Cut it out.
- God, your arms are very strong.
- I know.
- Unusually strong.
- Okay, look, fine, we're in the exact same position, all right? Just hang up, don't do something you're gonna regret.
Are you sure? Yes.
Mr.
Simms? Uh, hey, uh, yeah, you know what? I'm I think I'm actually gonna It turns out your registration lapsed a month ago, so you don't have to worry about it.
Um, what? That's no, that's, mm-mm.
That's a mistake.
I, uh, I believe I have a two-year deferral.
Yes, two years from your initial enrollment, not from when you left school, unless you apply to extend it Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's just go ahead and do that.
Well, you would've had to apply while you were still registered.
Right.
Right, right, right, right, right, right.
Listen, uh, how would I go about re-registering so that I could apply to extend the deferral? Uh, you don't.
[Whispering.]
I mean, what's the difference? You were gonna cancel anyway, right? No, I was bluffing that I was cancelling to show you how alike we are.
Uh, hey.
Hi.
What's your name? Vicky! Uh, hey, listen, we are going to find a solution, Vicky.
I don't need to calm down, Vicky.
I wasn't raising my voice.
Well, now I am.
Is all the clearance gone? Yes, Halo is officially over.
What about the back? Would you mind checking the back? Okay, fine, I'll check the back.
[Upbeat Music.]
[Gasps.]
Yes! I'm sorry, there's nothing left in the back.
Oh, thanks anyway.
Psych! [Giggles.]
Somebody's actually throwing their garbage away in the trash cans that we're selling, so could you check that out in Home for me? I appreciate it.
Thank you very much.
- Sandra.
- Hey.
There is a puddle in the dressing room over there of I don't know what, actually.
It's kind of viscous, and it has a very strong odor.
Um, do you think you might be able to handle it for me? [Laughs.]
Oh, of course.
I'll get my bucket.
Boop.
Oh, my God, it's so obvious.
How have I never noticed this? Ugh.
Hey, Iceman, I was looking for you.
- Hey.
- Hey, buddy.
Good to see you.
Listen, I gotta bounce, but next time I'm in town, I'm gonna ping you, and we go out for drinks.
Uh, all right.
Hey, I'll buy.
I look forward to it.
All right, great to see you.
Hey, Rex Joshi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, we met.
Great.
You really want to be that guy? Heated seats.
[Laughs.]
The nice suit, fancy car, big smile.
I was never gonna go back.
[Sighs.]
I just Welcome to the "no options" club.
- But it's a cool club.
- Yeah? - Actually, I'm in it.
- Oh.
Most of America's in it.
We meet on Tuesdays.
- Okay.
- I'll get you on the email.
- Oh, great.
- Hey, Jonah.
I heard about your business school, I am so sorry.
- Oh, uh, thanks.
- Yeah.
Oh, all right.
You will always have a place here, till the day you die.
You can die here.
Oh, no, no, that wasn't about, um, you.
I was just thinking of something else that made me really happy.
No, that way.
" A new day has dawned.
All right, there you have it.
So it's a big day today.
We start our rebranding.
Does rebranding mean they're redesigning the store? No, we'll be taking our in-store product "Halo" and changing it to "SuperCloud.
" And how are they different? That, uh, what I just said.
It used to be called "Halo.
" Now it's called SuperCloud.
- Oh.
- Maybe I'm not, um, selling the excitement of what's happening today.
Let's see if this helps.
["Get Ready For This" By 2 Unlimited Plays.]
Y'all ready for this? [Upbeat Music.]
[Electronic Music.]
Wow, that song is a little longer than I thought.
- What was that, 11 minutes? - 12 All right, anyway 12? Sorry about that.
Uh, moving on, we have buttons for everybody to wear today, and there's a VP coming in to oversee this rollout.
A VP of corporate? I'm gonna need to borrow somebody's lipstick.
Not Amy's way too slutty.
Who's that lady? Oh, that's Kelsey, from Cloud 9.
She's the new SuperCloud mascot.
Why is a smiling white lady always the mascot? 'Cause in my experience, usually they're, like, the first to snap.
She's not wrong.
I personally blame all the yogurt white ladies eat.
Why didn't they make it a superhero? You know, 'cause SuperCloud? And it could have, like, a cape or something, and, like, little cloud muscles.
Yeah, wow, that's Clean, it's simple, it's visual, that is probably what it should've been.
Damn.
So all right, let's just move on.
Here are some words we'd like you guys to pepper in to the conversation today whenever SuperCloud comes up, obviously, so "cool," "millennial," "on fleek" Have to go back to the superhero mascot, I'm so sorry, that's just a home run.
Yeah, and he could be saving people with savings.
[Bleep.]
, that's good.
- Oh, excuse me.
- Yeah? Where is the Halo toilet paper? I could only find this stuff.
Yeah, this is our new product line: the SuperCloud, and I have been ordered to tell you how excited I am about it.
But I like Halo.
Right, well, apologies, but we've actually shifted completely to SuperCloud.
This is not a good time in my life for this.
Rachel just broke up with me.
I don't know who that is.
I thought I knew who she was.
You know, I gotta tell ya Ooh, look out, ladies.
Here comes a stylish dude.
Yeah, somehow he makes baldness look cute.
Hey, I'm not talking about Jeff.
I'm talking about the other guy.
Yeah, obvs.
I was kidding.
Jeff is like the ugliest guy in the world.
So busted.
Like stretched-out Danny DeVito.
Hey, guys, excuse me.
I want you to meet Rex Joshi.
He's in from the main office.
Hey, call me Mr.
Joshi.
Pleasure to meet you.
So good to meet you.
So good to meet you guys.
Let me tell you something: we are so excited about this SuperCloud.
We think it's going straight up to the sky.
So who's gonna help me get out there and make this rollout huge? Big success.
Who's with me? You have a lot of hand gestures.
Always doing something with those hands.
- You betcha.
- Oh, okay.
- One of those.
- Pshew.
One more time.
Stick shift.
[Laughs.]
We could do that all day.
Hey, sorry to interrupt, guys, but these boxes really need to be uniform.
Thank you, sorry, I just gotta stay on top of them.
Yeah, I'll make sure they fix it.
Please do.
You are management, so you're most at fault here.
Okay, let's head over to Sporting Goods, Rex.
- Sure, yeah.
- Make sure things are in order.
Ooh, that was cold.
Um, have you decided who you're gonna take this out on later? 'Cause last week it was me Elias! That is not how you climb a ladder, you [Bleep.]
turd! Hey, Cheyenne, can you go wake up this lady that fell asleep in Electronics? Last time I tried something like that, I got punched in the beans.
Um, can I just buy some of this discounted Halo stuff for my baby first? It's normally so expensive I can barely afford her eye shadow.
Okay, but you know you're not supposed to buy things while you're clocked in, right? Well, can I set it aside for later before it sells out? Not supposed to but Okay, I'm sorry, no.
You'll have to do it when your shift's over.
No, I-I'm telling you, they they feel exactly the same because they are exactly the same.
Well, let me at least try your belly.
I'm not gonna Fine, but just be careful.
I'm ticklish.
Um, everything okay over here? Keep moving, I'm a Cloud Club Rewards Member.
- It's not a big deal.
- Jonah? - Rex? - Wait, I'm sorry, you know him? Yeah, we went to business school together.
Dude, what the hell are you doing here? Could you pull that up a little bit higher? - Pull it up higher? - I heard you.
Anyway, I just started driving, and and then I saw that they were hiring here - That's that's great.
- Yeah.
Wow, I wouldn't have guessed that.
I would've figured you were one of those guys who are on a voyage of self-discovery.
Oh.
You know, backpacking through Asia, rolling cigars in Cuba.
Or, as Jonah would say, "Coo-ba.
" - He does that? - Yeah.
[Laughter.]
Should I be embarrassed that I pronounce it the way native Coo-banos do, or? - You should.
- Okay.
Iceman.
I mean, look at you, man.
It has been too long.
I'm sorry, we're gonna need to take it back to "Iceman"? Yeah, that was my nickname in school.
They, uh, you know, ice in the veins, cool and collected.
It's because you were always cold in class.
You had that afghan.
That was a blazer.
That was a knit blazer.
Oh, my God.
You're Iceman.
I'm gonna hear this again, aren't I? Yes, Iceman, you are, Iceman.
"You're the manager, so you're the most at fault here.
" - That guy really sucks.
- Total asshat, right? - I hate his little eyes.
- I hate his stupid face.
I literally hope he dies.
What? Yeah, I I hope he does.
I hope he dies.
I really hope he dies.
Just dead.
Our team formulated a plan that featured WOM marketing, message-sending, and, of course, fluid branding Oh, my God, this is amazing.
Look at that little suit.
- It's like his bar mitzvah.
- Aww.
It looks like a normal-size suit to me.
All those words, and you said absolutely nothing.
Oh, Rex, thank you for giving us this gift.
Okay, I think we've seen enough.
Ah! [Light Music.]
I need to pull off the veil of secrecy.
What are you doing? What is that? Is that something you've practiced? Just a couple times in the mirror, don't worry about it.
Okay, listen.
I know you're really stressed out, but, okay, this isn't you, okay? People are starting to complain.
Who? Just, people, okay? Dina didn't like the way you talked to her in front of everybody.
She called you an asshat.
An asshat? Well, that's hurtful.
Uh, but I will try to do better.
And just since the veil of secrecy is off, I feel like you've been mentioning your ex-boyfriend a little too much.
Not the time.
Got it.
Veil on.
I love that you and Chad are still close.
Direct WOM management and indirect WOM management Garrett, can you please formulate a global strategy to fold the yoga pants in Softline? I will fold them along multiple distribution channels.
Very clever.
So great to reconnect with you, Rex.
You know what? Blech, that's kind of a boring topic, unless You rap about it.
[Gasps.]
[Beatboxing.]
[All Protesting.]
- Jonah! - Okay, party's over.
I love hip-hop.
Hey, at least now, when you go back, you know what not to do.
What do you mean, "go back"? When he goes back to school.
Your enrollment's still active.
Yeah, they said I could defer for two years, so But you're not actually planning on going back, are you? I mean, I hadn't given it much thought.
I mean, I I was not happy there, so, but you know.
I'm not sure.
That's not a no, Jonah! That's not a no! Nice job with this area, everyone.
Good job managing, Dina.
Thank you, Jeff.
Oh, also, uh, sorry if I've been a little bit harsh lately, but if anybody has a problem with me, I prefer they say it to my face than call me an asshat behind my back.
Good job with this area.
[Chuckles.]
Well, it seems we've got a rat in the store.
I'm not mad.
I'm not upset.
I'll allow myself to feel those things after I've hunted down and torn apart whatever little weasel tattled on me to Jeff.
Does anyone else hear that? It's like a high-pitched ringing.
[Chuckles.]
[Knocking.]
Hey, you, uh, wanted to see me? Yeah, please, have a seat.
I was reviewing my files, and I noticed there was something wrong with your contract, so you need to sign a new one.
Just standard boilerplate, you don't really need to read it.
"The undersigned agrees to work exclusively at Cloud 9 for the next 30 years"? [Mutters Weakly.]
This is very flattering, but I obviously can't sign that.
Okay, well, that's, uh, disappointing.
What is it that you want? Is it is it money? - No.
- 'Cause there's no money left in the budget, but I could fire someone.
- Glenn.
- Maybe Larry.
You don't need to fire Larry.
Oh, God, the poor man has lupus.
It's not about No, no, I'll do it.
He's gone.
Glenn, look, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, but I can't promise that it's never gonna happen.
Well, then, you're fired.
What? Of course you're not fired.
I love you! Okay, well, thank you.
Do you love me? I'm sorry? - Hey, we need to talk.
- [Chuckles.]
I know, right? [Clears Throat.]
What's going on, girl? No, not a gay talk.
We need to talk about who the snitch is.
Now, it had to be somebody in that room, but who? Okay, it couldn't have been Ramona, her husband doesn't let her talk to other men.
Wasn't Tim, his jaw's still wired shut, after talking to Ramona.
I know it wasn't me.
So that just leaves Justine, Elias, Sandra, you, uh - [Gasps.]
- What? You know how I hate to gossip, but I was out back last week, and I saw Jeff making out with Sandra.
Sandra? Yeah, man on woman.
It was disgusting.
Oh, my God, it was Sandra.
Oh, I am gonna drop-kick that bitch back into whatever volcano she crawled out of Wait, um, wouldn't it be worse if we didn't even tell her that we know, just ice her out, never talk to her again and don't tell her why? It's pretty much the meanest thing you can do to someone.
I don't know.
I didn't have a single friend in high school, and I loved it there.
Yeah, but, Sandra's not as strong as you.
- You're right.
- Yeah.
She's the weakest person I've ever met.
So, uh, just had a really weird convo with Glenn.
Look, um, I don't have a crystal ball, okay? II don't I don't know what's gonna happen in life, but I know one thing, and that is that we are always gonna be friends.
Hmm, you say that, but I don't know if I can believe you.
- You can.
- No, I I think that you'll probably just forget about us.
No, Amy, I would never forget about you guys.
You guys are are everything to me.
You're just this little flicker of sunlight that brightened our lives for a short while.
And now you must take that light to someone else, but it's okay because a little piece of your magic lives inside each and every one of us.
Okay.
Be free.
Forget I said anything.
No, wait, don't go, please.
Who's gonna force me to try tahini? [Hip-Hop Music.]
They say I went from being a pimp to being a rap mogul They spitting trill rap songs back on track slow On my rosé sippin' black bottles on them Up out of San Antone better get the math real Feel trill, got boys placing bets on me, big yellin' Got haters even plexin' on me trying to blast me Blast me, blast me Oh, whatcha got there, Eugene? You would not believe the amount of stuff that gets misstocked here.
Baby food in the barbeque.
I found shampoo in jeans.
I mean, who would do that? I don't know, probably some jerk or desperate mom or whatever.
Yeah, well, I worked really hard rounding it all up.
I stayed two hours past my shift, but I still I'm all out of trophies, Eugene.
That's okay.
Life is fine at Cloud 9 Life is great Hello, sir! Work starts at eight Two wolves I couldn't do it, but one wolf - Hey, guys.
- I could take it.
Did anyone watch "Vampire Diaries" last night? Damien's really gotten out of control.
You stupid slut! Dina - I can't hold it in any longer.
- What's happening? Sandra is having an affair with Jeff.
- No.
- Oh! Don't you deny it! You were seen kissing on the loading dock.
Ooh, Sandra, Sandra, Sandra! That's crazy, boo! I didn't know you had it in you.
Dish, girl.
I don't think we need to be talking about that.
Oh, I got questions, like, when did it start? About two weeks ago.
He pulled me into his Kia, and he said to me, "Sandra take out your taters.
" [All Gasp.]
And I did.
- And I put them in his face.
- [Cheering.]
Ooh, yeah! [Exclaiming.]
Hey, sorry about before.
Oh, that's fine.
I can take a little ribbing.
Yeah, it went on for a really long time.
Elias jumped in on it.
He does a really good impression of you.
It's like "Greetings, gentlemen.
" I can't do it.
Look, uh, I just don't want you to think that I got one foot out the door, okay? II'm here, just like everybody else.
Mm not just like everybody else.
I mean, you can leave if you want.
But I'm not.
But you can.
- But I'm not.
- But you can, and that's the difference between being stranded on a desert island or going on a nice tropical vacation.
You wanna think that, fine.
I happen to think it's exactly the same.
Okay.
I mean, if you want me to cancel my deferment, just say the word.
Yeah, okay.
- Cancel it.
- What? If you think there's honestly no difference, cancel it.
Okay, great, yeah.
I will, I'll do it I'll do it tonight.
No time like the present.
Okay.
I'll do it now.
- Great.
- It makes no difference to me.
I mean, if you need this, then sure, let's, uh I'm just gonna find the number.
It's in an email so I gotta search for it for just hang on one second.
I keep meaning to update the new OS.
You know what? I'm gonna just I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do that right now, real quickly.
Ugh, "estimated wait time four hours"? Hey, it's okay.
It's it's not me.
It's the Wi-Fi.
This is probably a router placement issue.
Jeff and I have these cute nicknames for each other.
He calls me "Deliciousness.
" - Ooh.
- [Laughs.]
And I call him Mr.
Man.
[Chuckling.]
Yeah, let's not forget she was blabbing to Jeff about us.
Ain't nobody care about that.
Yeah, I'm just morbidly intrigued at this point.
Do you have sex in his hotel? Oh, yeah, all the time.
Is there a coffee machine in there? Yep, one of those pod ones.
Do they have decaf? - I think so.
- Ooh.
Yes! And you guys will keep this a secret, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got you, Deliciousness.
[Laughter.]
Amy to Glenn's office, please.
Amy, report to Glenn's office, please.
So we just call each other into Glenn's office now? And that registration is under "Jonah Simms"? Yes, S-I-M-M-S.
Okay, let me pull up your records.
Thank you.
What are you doing? If you think some college deferral that I'm never even gonna use makes us so different, I don't want it.
I was just trying to prove a point.
- Hang up.
- No.
- Hang up.
- No.
No.
- No, no, you.
- Cut it out.
- God, your arms are very strong.
- I know.
- Unusually strong.
- Okay, look, fine, we're in the exact same position, all right? Just hang up, don't do something you're gonna regret.
Are you sure? Yes.
Mr.
Simms? Uh, hey, uh, yeah, you know what? I'm I think I'm actually gonna It turns out your registration lapsed a month ago, so you don't have to worry about it.
Um, what? That's no, that's, mm-mm.
That's a mistake.
I, uh, I believe I have a two-year deferral.
Yes, two years from your initial enrollment, not from when you left school, unless you apply to extend it Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's just go ahead and do that.
Well, you would've had to apply while you were still registered.
Right.
Right, right, right, right, right, right.
Listen, uh, how would I go about re-registering so that I could apply to extend the deferral? Uh, you don't.
[Whispering.]
I mean, what's the difference? You were gonna cancel anyway, right? No, I was bluffing that I was cancelling to show you how alike we are.
Uh, hey.
Hi.
What's your name? Vicky! Uh, hey, listen, we are going to find a solution, Vicky.
I don't need to calm down, Vicky.
I wasn't raising my voice.
Well, now I am.
Is all the clearance gone? Yes, Halo is officially over.
What about the back? Would you mind checking the back? Okay, fine, I'll check the back.
[Upbeat Music.]
[Gasps.]
Yes! I'm sorry, there's nothing left in the back.
Oh, thanks anyway.
Psych! [Giggles.]
Somebody's actually throwing their garbage away in the trash cans that we're selling, so could you check that out in Home for me? I appreciate it.
Thank you very much.
- Sandra.
- Hey.
There is a puddle in the dressing room over there of I don't know what, actually.
It's kind of viscous, and it has a very strong odor.
Um, do you think you might be able to handle it for me? [Laughs.]
Oh, of course.
I'll get my bucket.
Boop.
Oh, my God, it's so obvious.
How have I never noticed this? Ugh.
Hey, Iceman, I was looking for you.
- Hey.
- Hey, buddy.
Good to see you.
Listen, I gotta bounce, but next time I'm in town, I'm gonna ping you, and we go out for drinks.
Uh, all right.
Hey, I'll buy.
I look forward to it.
All right, great to see you.
Hey, Rex Joshi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, we met.
Great.
You really want to be that guy? Heated seats.
[Laughs.]
The nice suit, fancy car, big smile.
I was never gonna go back.
[Sighs.]
I just Welcome to the "no options" club.
- But it's a cool club.
- Yeah? - Actually, I'm in it.
- Oh.
Most of America's in it.
We meet on Tuesdays.
- Okay.
- I'll get you on the email.
- Oh, great.
- Hey, Jonah.
I heard about your business school, I am so sorry.
- Oh, uh, thanks.
- Yeah.
Oh, all right.
You will always have a place here, till the day you die.
You can die here.
Oh, no, no, that wasn't about, um, you.
I was just thinking of something else that made me really happy.
No, that way.