The Almighty Johnsons (2011) s02e11 Episode Script
The House of Jerome
1 First time I laid my eyes on her, it was the strangest, most remarkable feeling.
Anders he's being nice to her.
Well, she is his beloved.
You told me it would end badly for her.
Oh, it will end badly for her.
Doesn't mean it has to start badly.
Well, if Gaia's not a giant, then how can her dad be a giant? Clearly, he's not her dad.
You, Gaia, are soon to become Frigg my truly beloved.
Are we meant to, like, immediately get it on and spend the rest of our lives making god babies? Where in there do I get to choose what I do and who I do it with? Gaia! Gaia! Mike! Not now! Gaia's been kidnapped.
What? Gaia she's gone, Mike! She's gone! I was here, she was here.
Th-They just pulled up, grabbed her and took off.
What did the van look like? Uh, it was old.
A crappy old van.
Give me something specific, Axl.
It was just a van like every other you see driving around.
Did you see their face? No.
They wore balaclavas.
So you didn't see their face? What about a balaclava don't you get? Axl, think.
I am.
Come on.
Details.
OK, OK, OK.
Fuck.
There was music coming from the van.
Uh, reggae music.
And-And-And there was a flag on the aerial, uh, with M the letter M on it.
And, uh The number plate the The number plate was R, one of those funny O's with the funny line through it, uh, N-G-O.
Good.
That's good.
Is that enough? More than enough.
Yes! OK, let's roll.
Not you.
Eh? I don't want you anywhere near this.
Why not? Do not argue with me.
Come on.
Is this giants again? No.
No, this feels different.
Oh.
Hi.
Sorry.
Can I help you? Natalie Mather.
I'm looking for Anders Johnson.
Uh, he's not here right now.
Oh.
Any idea when he'll be back? I'd say tomorrow at the earliest? Pity.
We met briefly in Oslo, and he told me drop in if ever I was in this part of the world.
Right.
Well, maybe you could give him my card.
Get him to call me.
I can do that.
Uh, you're with Lindis? Yes.
Australasian marketing manager, as it says on the card.
I didn't know you could get Lindis down here.
No, you can't, but you will soon.
Which is why I'm here.
I love Lindis.
I mean, I don't actually have any, but I've seen it in magazines, and I love how it all slots together.
Sorry.
Gushing.
Quite.
Affordable, stylish furniture for the masses.
We're launching our brand here, and I was meeting with the PR people our ad agency suggested, but, frankly, they weren't much chop.
So I thought of Anders.
But if he's not here, then we'll just run with what we have.
Well, let me see if I can find him.
Please.
Take a seat.
He may be in a meeting.
This better be good.
I have Natalie Mather here.
Wh-Who? From Oslo.
So? Australasian marketing manager for Lindis? Oh God, is that the bloody awful furniture I kept banging my shins on all over Europe? Yes.
That's the one.
Well, what is? I don't remember her.
Does she? Oh, does she have a tattoo of a bear on her neck? No.
OK.
Well, it's not that night, then.
What does she want with me? She has a business opportunity.
OK.
Well, you get her to call me tomorrow, OK? No.
You need to get over here now.
Dawn, you have no idea how busy I am.
I do, but you need to forget about that and get over here as soon as possible before this very good business opportunity goes away.
I OK, I'll be there in an hour.
See you in 10 minutes.
He'll be here as soon as he can.
Coffee? No.
Tea? No, no.
I don't drink hot beverages.
Not exactly trying to hide their tracks, are they? You wanna split up? No.
Axl's right.
Let's stick together.
Shall I kick it in? I'd really like to.
Perhaps we should beat a tactical retreat.
Consider our options.
Do you wanna find Gaia? Of course I do.
See? Told you they'd find me.
That is cool.
You OK? This is George, Kia-ora.
and this is Leon.
Do you remember how I said this day couldn't possibly get any weirder? You need to come meet Jerome.
Yeah.
Come on! You OK there, mate? Yeah, all good.
Your prophecy has come true.
It wasn't a prophecy.
I just knew.
Do you come in peace? Not sure as of yet.
Yes, they do.
OK.
In the name of the Rastaman himself, ihu Karaiti, and the tangata whenua and Yaweh and all the little animals in the bushes and the fishes in the oceans of this world, we greet you.
OK.
Axl, who is Odin; Mike, who is Ullr; and Michele, who is I can never get that name.
Sjofn.
Yeah.
That's it.
And the one at the back that's Bryn.
Meet George, who is Punga; Leon, who is Rongo; and Jerome, who is Maui.
And behalf of the true gods of Aotearoa, welcome to my house.
Dawn, did you let her get away? After making me stop what I was doing, which was very enjoyable, and rush all the way down here? She's in the bathroom.
Oh.
Are you still drunk? I thought you'd stopped drinking in favour of other vices.
I can multitask, believe it or not.
And she is the straightest woman in the world.
Natalie.
Hello.
Welcome to NZ.
It's good to see you again.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Thanks.
Gosh, it's been, uh what I mean, when did we? When did we last, uh, last? Oslo.
Oh, yeah, I know.
But Oslo Oslo is a bit of a blur for me, what with all the jetlag and stuff.
You were there three months.
Mm.
My body clock's weird.
You were Hotel Skjeggestad? Yes, I was.
And it was lovely too see you again, Natalie.
Lindis.
I love Lindis.
The way it slots together genius.
It's overdue at the bottom of the world.
Now, four words how can we help you? How can we help? Hmm, that very much depends on whether Lindis wants you to help.
You're here, right? That's an expression of interest.
Interest, yes.
But at Lindis, we not only believe in innovative design, but in a holistic view of the world in which we do business.
In short, we like to know who we're dealing with.
.
their world, their beliefs, their core values before they can represent our brand.
Do you understand? Oh, I understand.
I mean, that's almost exactly our phisos, philoso phy here at JPR, isn't it, Dawn? Yes, Anders.
Good to know.
Why don't we discuss this over dinner? We don't have much in the way of herring-based cuisine in Auckland, but I'm sure we can get Dawn to book us somewhere nice.
Also good.
Excellent.
Make it so, Dawn.
Yes, Anders.
And, Natalie, it's lovely to see you again.
Mm.
You too, Mr Johnson.
I've been waiting for this a long time.
Till this evening.
Gosh, isn't she just a fluffy little kitten of warmth? You still have no idea where you met her.
Ah.
To be fair, I killed many brain cells trying to stay warm in Norway.
Make the booking.
Do your internet thing, and find out as much about Lindis as hu as humanly possible.
Yeah.
So, you fellas been here, what, 140 years? Something like that.
You've been keeping a low profile.
Same could be said about you.
But we've always been here.
Thousands of years.
That's not the same as 'always'.
Still a lot longer than you.
Still not the same as 'always'.
So why today kidnap one of out goddesses? It's hardly keeping a low profile.
Mm-mm.
Not kidnap.
Liberate and educate.
Not one of your goddesses.
Yeah, but she will be.
Not when she become Papatuanuku.
No, she's going to be Frigg.
No.
Papatuanuku.
There are two prophecies, Axl.
'From the goddess Apakura, the vengeful mother,' Amene.
'and a war lord from the north, his hand lost to the wolf, shall be born a daughter, Papatuanuku.
See, for ages, the Elders thought the north part meant Ahipara, up that way.
Turns out, we weren't thinking for enough north! Till Mum shacked up with that deadbeat one-armed Pakeha fella.
Tyr.
Oh, is that his god name? Cos I just called him 'arsehole'.
Turns out Leon is also my half-brother.
Tena koe, baby sis.
'And when our goddess Papatuanuku rises from the earth, when her time is upon her, she shall meet with the god Maui, and we shall rise up Let me guess you will all attain your powers in full.
On the money, Mr Ullr.
But Gaia is one of us.
Aren't you? Axl, I have no idea about anything any more.
My whole life has been a lie from the moment Bryn snatched me from my parents Hang on.
He took you? Yeah.
Bryn raised me, as a father.
After he slaughtered your real mother and your real father.
Gaia, this Bryn didn't 'snatch' you.
He murdered your parents.
I'm so sorry.
Leon, no! I demand utu! He can wait! Possibly a case of information overload, eh? And now would be a good time for some kai and a korero.
Do you concur? Oh, I definitely concur.
Come on, let's get out of here.
He killed them, Axl.
Yeah, I know.
Let's go home.
We can talk about it there.
Are you trying to steal Papatuanuku away from Maui while I was relieving myself? She's not Papatuanuku.
She's Gaia, my flatmate, and we are out of here.
Whoaaa.
Papatuanuku is nobody's flatmate.
She is all-powerful.
All things are born from her, and with her at my side, Aotearoa will be reborn, and my people will be brought together, like the two tribes of Israel.
The Cook Strait will part, and I will lead my people to reunification.
And the amazing thing is, I will do all that and no fishes will be harmed in the process.
So you're big on the welfare of fish, is that right? Oh, God of Fishing that's me.
But as a rule, fishermen tend to kill fish.
It's not the way you fish; it's how you fish.
Could I ask a question? You may.
I am the way, the truth and the answer.
There are no secrets in the House of Jerome.
This is your house? No, it's it's George's house, but it's called the House of Jerome.
If she, Gaia Papatuanuku is all-powerful, then why bother with a demigod? Or is she just into fishermen a bit of rough trade? Lady, I don't have to answer that.
You just said you would.
Well, sometimes questions have no answers because they have their own truth a truth so pure, so big that it's bigger than any answer.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
A bit of space is what she needs.
Olaf, I know leaving a message is a pointless exercise, but I live in hope.
Now, I don't care how big the surf is.
You call me back.
This is urgent.
Ooh.
Tensions running high, eh? Well, that's what you get when you start proceedings with a kidnapping.
Liberation.
We don't see it that way.
Face it, Mr Ullr, Jerome and Gaia are a match made in God heaven.
No offence, Mr Punga, but, uh, we don't even know if you guys are for real.
Oh, we're real.
Sorry, I'm not up on my Maori mythology, but what is Punga God of again? It's complex to outsiders.
Mm.
Try me.
Loosely speaking, I am the God of Ugly Things sharks, stingrays, anything deformed.
They are my children.
Mm.
Winner! Yet, strangely, I am irresistible to the pretty ladies.
Oh, so your powers work on an ironic level, do they? Oh, you've got powers, have you? Yeah, I have.
What you can fly like Superman? I found you guys, didn't I? Let's just say they are more subtle right now in touch with the land.
But with the arrival of our Papatuanuku, our powers will ascend.
Unless she isn't Papatuanuku.
Mr Ullr, Maori goddesses are few and far between, and Gaia is incredibly precious to us.
As she is to us.
And we will do whatever it takes to fulfil our prophecy.
As will we.
And we found her first.
But we were here first.
We need to talk.
We are talking.
Amongst ourselves.
We need to, um, you know, defuse the tension a little bit.
Very well.
Go home.
Defuse.
But tomorrow we hold a hui.
A hui? Well, you wanted to korero.
If there's one thing we can do, it's talk.
Shouldn't let her go.
She will be back.
Now she's tasted the brown side.
Yeah! Don't be a dick, Jerome.
As a matter of interest, do you find George attractive? I do, come to think of it.
Why? Does that threaten you? No.
No.
These people are not just straight.
They are super-straight.
Their website has all these sayings, like 'to sell and to serve.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I figured as much and have taken appropriate steps.
What steps? You'll see.
Heads up.
Natalie, you look divine.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Thank you, Anders.
Um, I have a conference call in two hours.
Then we should go through.
Oh, we're just waiting on one other.
And there she is.
Hi, honey.
Sorry I'm late.
That's OK.
Natalie, this is Helen my wife.
Pleased to meet you.
Shall we eat? And she's safe.
We should form a kidnap survivor's group.
Not now, Zeb.
Your dad's in a really bad way.
Not my dad.
OK, that's cold.
Long story, Zeb.
Long, long story.
Ah.
Where were you? I could you ask the same question.
I emerge from a little quality time in the bogs with Stace, and the place is empty.
You were lucky I was here to keep the hordes at bay.
Do you know who we met today, Olaf? I feel you're going to tell me.
Maori gods.
It turns out there are Maori Gods.
Were you aware of this? Hell, no.
How is it you're aware of this? Because they kidnapped Gaia.
OK, I missed that.
Yeah, because you were off shagging in the toilets.
Yes.
Well, I'm here now to formulate the rescue plan.
We already rescued her.
All good, then.
Except it turns out she's just as likely to be their goddess as ours! That's weird.
Duelling prophecies.
Whoa.
Did you have any idea of any of this? How could I? Until two minutes ago, I had no idea about Maori Gods.
Because you're a fucking oracle is how! You are supposed to see things coming! Not wave to them as they recede into the distance.
'Ooh, bye-bye, prophecy.
Sorry I missed you.
' You are always late, loaded and generally retarded when it comes to having your shit together.
As far as being a family oracle goes, you're crap, mate.
You're a fucking waste of space! And the next time you bugger off surfing when we need you, do us all a favour and don't come back! The way I see it, Lindis plus JPR equals national brand domination.
That's what I will deliver.
Young couples in need of low-cost, high-quality furniture as they set up their love nests will be crying out for kitset Lindis bookshelves and coffee tables by the time I am done with them.
Tell me about your family.
I'm very big on family, as is Lindis, I understand.
We are.
Tell me about your parents.
Uh, my father sailed off into the sunset when I was a baby, and my mother she, uh, she-she died not long after that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Brothers, sisters? I have three brothers Mikkel, Axl and Tyrone.
Good Scandinavian names.
My forefathers came from Norway.
Oh, when? Um, back in the 1870s.
On board the Hovding? You know about the Hovding? It's my business to read up on this country's history especially any links to Lindis' country.
Oh, well, yeah.
They were on the Hovding, apparently.
Among the first Norwegians here.
That's a strong bond.
Yes, it is.
A good omen, I hope.
A good omen indeed.
Bryn Leave me alone, for I am lower than low.
You know, for a giant, you are seriously pathetic.
She hates me.
Well, you did murder her parents.
Parents? They were no parents.
They were two scumbags undeserving of the title.
Keeping a baby like that in squalor, in such an evil place.
It made me sick to my stomach.
It was a professional killing.
It was quick, humane more humane than those maggots deserved.
Like ridding the world of a cancer.
There is never a good reason to kill, but this was as close as you will ever come.
You need to tell her, not me.
I'd leave out some of the gory bits, but she needs to Killing someone's parents, no matter how much they deserved it that's a stain that will never wash out.
Gaia and I are done.
I'm only glad I got her this far.
If that's your attitude, then why are you still here? Take off.
I'm not here for her.
I'm here for tomorrow.
I killed two gods, Axl.
I must pay for that.
A pleasure to meet you, Helen.
And you, Natalie.
Can I ask a question? Certainly.
Why no wedding rings? They are still the symbol of eternal union here as well, right? Of course.
But Anders and I lead such busy lives, we were forever misplacing them.
He loses his at the gym all the time.
Sometimes we forget to wear them.
That's all.
I understand completely.
Well, thank you for a lovely meal.
Oh, no, please don't get up.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Lovely chatting, Natalie! Lovely bathing in the warmth of your personality! She's European.
If you ever leave your cat and travel, you'll see they're like that.
I don't have a cat.
By crikey, I need alcohol.
Oh, no.
We can do better than that.
I knew there was a reason I married you.
Hey, Dawn, will you sort out the bill here? Are you sure in your heart? I am.
Shall I proceed? I need to talk to the Council.
Esto cum deo.
Esto cum deo.
Oh-ho! Baldr! I can't believe you agreed to a hui! Are you insane? Do you know how long those things go on for? Other gods, Anders! Yeah, thanks, Mike, I get that.
Who would have thought there were others out there? But a hui? I've been to a hui.
They talk forever.
And you know what happens after? The boil-up.
Pork and puha.
Animal fat in dishwater.
It's worse than Norwegian cuisine.
Pass.
You'll be there.
Why? Because we might need your oratory skills.
Wow, I'm moved.
I hope you didn't rupture something getting down off your high horse.
But still, pass.
Gaia? Gaia, It's time to go.
She's done a runner, hasn't she? I hope not.
Do you want me to go in her place? I can be peacemaker, add to my legend.
No, Zeb, because you are not Gaia, or a God.
Or a legend.
Harsh.
You ready? I've always had a thing for brown boys.
They're quite naughty.
Shouldn't Olaf be here? How would that help? Hey, where is Gaia? No idea.
Gone.
OK.
We're ready.
Yeah, wish we could say the same, but the lady of the hour has gone AWOL.
Yeah, ke te pai.
It's all good.
Come on.
Except for him.
He waits here till we're ready for him.
E nga karangarangatanga maha nei e.
Nau mai.
Haere mai.
Haere mai ra koutou e.
Should we just go home now? Haere mai ra nga Do not panic.
Ki runga ki te papahou e hora nei e.
Nau mai.
Haere mai.
Haere mai.
Haere mai.
You're kidding, right? Protocol.
This isn't even a marae.
This is the House of Jerome.
Nau mai.
E noho.
Whiti ora ki te whai Ao, kit e Ao marama, Tihei Mauriora.
To our esteemed manuhiri, Norse Gods in our land, Aotearoa, who have travelled from afar, from the ancient northern lands of the ice and the snow, where their own Norse ways hold sway, to here, our lands.
We thank our esteemed guests for delivering safely to us, to Maui, our own Papatuanuku.
Ae.
Kia-ora.
And for this we will forever recognise the Norse as strangers who became friends.
I am a god real important god.
More than a demi, more than a semi.
You hear me, feel me, see me.
I'm primo, for real-o, the total real deal-o.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Fished up the land, wished up a plan.
I wanna see my girl stand, stand right by her man.
I said my peoples together, birds of a feather, and fish swim in all kinds of weather.
whether we're together or together alone, uh, welcome my girl to the House of Jerome! Yeah! Oh.
Me Maui mean, yeah! Whoo! Tena koutou, tena koutou, tena koutou katoa.
Uh, thank you for the welcome and the uh, that.
It's great that we could all meet, but as for us delivering Gaia into your care Well, one God's Papatuanuku is another God's Frigg, right? Uh-uh.
Which, I guess, is what we are here to discuss.
You need to sing a waiata.
You are shitting me.
S-Snow Patrol? Snow Patrol? Yeah.
The one with the video? There's something about a Magpie.
Something about a Magpie.
Something about a Magpie that is fine, fine, fine.
When the Hawke's Bay pack is ranking, the opposition's breaking.
They send their winger streaking down the line, line, line! There's something about a Magpie that is fine, fine, fine! Ka pai.
Ka pai.
And let the talking begin.
And the word is spreading throughout all the iwi and hapu, even as far as Tuhoe, that the Day Better Than All Other Days, is nigh, when the Cadillac, with Maui at the wheel and with Papatuanuku in the passenger seat and with all their whanau in the back, pulls out on to the State Highway 1 of the future.
Just because we haven't been here as long as you doesn't mean we're not proud of who we are, because we are a proud race of gods.
And I-I don't mean 'race' in the bad sense, because that's not us.
We're a good bunch the kind of gods and goddesses anyone would be proud to be part of.
You talk of pride.
We too are proud proud of who we are, where we are and how long we've been here.
And in our hearts, alongside the pride, there is love.
Aroha.
So much aroha and pride in our hearts that it is lucky that our hearts are are so big.
In life, it doesn't matter how big you are; it's how deep you are of the depth of what you're feeling and where you're feeling it, which is in your soul, which is where it really matters, at the end of the day.
Good morning, Dawn.
Great dinner last night, eh? Yes.
Stellar! Come on, don't be like that.
Just because to her you are a mere employee I know you're so much more.
Still no word yet on an actual Lindis contract coming our way.
Time zones, Dawn.
It will happen.
Do you want me to call Natalie, give her the hurry up? No use, as today Natalie is hiking.
And how do we know this? Because Helen is hiking with her.
As of now, they are halfway up some fucking volcano.
Is that wise? In terms of the volcano erupting? In terms of your new girlfriend, drug provider and drinking partner and most definitely not your wife spending the day alone with potentially our biggest client? It's all good.
Helen is a great liar who can charm the pants off anyone.
Off you, you mean.
And that is what I love about her.
Helen's a remarkable woman, Dawn.
I wish you would warm to her.
Mm.
Well, maybe I will when she's charmed the pants off Natalie.
Lesbian three-way.
I like the way you think.
Pervert.
Relax, Dawn.
Huge multinational coming our way soon.
Mm.
Don't you just wanna throw that man down and sink your teeth into him? Hell, yeah! Oh, here comes dessert.
We're about to start proceedings again.
Yay! So you ladies might want to get acquainted with the kitchen.
Sorry? These dishes need to be done, plus there's getting the boil-up ready.
OK.
What are you doing? Stop that! Put those down.
Sorry, it's genetic.
Look, I realise goddesses aren't thick on the ground over your side of the fence, but this not how it works.
But this is the House of Jerome.
Then Jerome can do his own dishes.
We're out of here.
I don't mind.
Leaving.
Now.
If things don't work out with Gaia, call me.
I have healing hands.
Ingrid! Hey.
That, uh, that welcome thing you did was awesome.
Ta.
Where did you learn to do that? Not sure.
It just came out like I'd always known how.
Maybe it's a sign I'm destined to be Papatuanuku.
Is that what you're feeling? I'm feeling a lot of things right now, Axl.
You can insert your hui where the sun doesn't shine.
Bye-bye, George.
Sorry.
We have to go.
Yeah, well, some take to the hui process more naturally than others, eh? When will we talk about him? Bad business, that.
Needs to be sorted, though.
In time.
Hasn't the poor bastard waited long enough? Giant! Come here.
Time to face the music.
Why is my apartment different? I rearranged it.
I can see that.
To make it more homely.
Why? In case Natalie drops in.
'In case'? We had the best hiking day today.
Natalie almost even smiled.
And then as we stood atop Rangitoto, basking in God's creation, I told her if she ever wanted to get out of her hotel, she should just drop round.
Hence all this.
Here.
What's that? Our wedding rings.
I can't believe we forgot that detail.
Such a rookie mistake.
I now pronounce us man and wife.
There's some clothes for you, left on the bed.
In case? Good Christian couple clothes.
And this is in case she comes into my bedroom? You were the one having sexy fantasies about her.
And then I took it on myself to rid the world of their hatred.
And now here she is grown into a beautiful woman, a goddess, no less.
And even though I know I have lost her forever, I do not regret my actions.
Not for one second.
And I do not expect mercy.
I will accept my punishment.
Yes.
For there will be utu.
Mm.
Serious utu.
Can I just point out that he killed a Norse God too, and we're not looking for any payback? Wasn't your mother, though, was it? It's not personal to you.
And as such, Rongo will have his utu.
I'm sorry, but time out.
I mean I've never really liked the guy much, but he did actually save Gaia from a screwed up childhood with two P-head parents.
So I don't know if killing him for that is all that cool.
Killing him? Utu, right? What do you think we are? Savages? OK.
Here's what will happen.
You're going to go back to Waiheke Island, and you're going to supply us with that superb hydroponic ganga that you grow.
And we will call it the sacred herb of Maui.
How do you know about my hydro? I have my sources.
And with the proceeds we will fund the Road to Zion for the House of Jerome.
Do you accept your punishment? Uh, yeah.
Sure.
Then get back to the island.
Got a lot of work to do plants to be harvest.
Haere atu.
We own you, bro! We can reconvene tomorrow to discuss a full treaty.
Any of you fellas want a feed? There's plenty of boil-up in there.
Oh, we'll, uh, pass.
Thanks.
I'm good.
Ta.
Now that's sorted, we can focus on the bigger picture our union.
Union? You know, the fun part.
The making of, uh, sweet, sweet love, as is our destiny.
From the union of Maui and Papatuanuku comes many tamariki.
Awesome.
Do you wanna? Do you wanna stay over tonight, maybe? Actually, I should go.
I need to get my beauty sleep.
Ah, spoken like a true goddess.
I'll see you tomorrow.
I'll see you tomorrow too.
OK, well, that's sorted, then.
We'll all see each other tomorrow.
To standing strong and almost united in the face of god chauvinism! Can I show you something? If I had a dollar for every awkward situation, I have been to started with those words.
Why did you got Anders stick? Because Anders was stupid enough not to put it in a safe place.
You stole it? Not these missing it.
Because it is useless to him.
Isn't it so, Ingrid? Yggdrasil is apparently feminine power, yes.
Not "apparently".
I healed Odin with it.
When he was in a coma.
No way.
I held this And I laid my hands upon him, and low he was much better.
Get the fuck out.
Want to see what it does for you, Fulla? Shit yeah.
I love this stick.
Snotra.
For it's fizzy trying pole dancing.
I know them all.
All the stories.
The way we can use this.
It fades.
But we will capture it.
Keep it for us.
Yeah? Can I come in? Sure.
I thought you were asleep.
I couldn't.
What you did for your dad today was choice.
It's not my dad.
For Bryn.
I know the drug thing was your idea.
I had no idea what to do with him.
Jerome wanted to use him like a house elf out of Harry Potter.
Jerome is such - a jerk.
- Jerome is a good guy.
With a great heart.
But I hate it, Axl Everybody talking about me not to me like I'm some sort of thing, not even a person.
And now I'm supposedly this major goddess in two different cultures which means as far as I can make out, I'm doubly screwed.
Do I get a saying any of it? Like fuck I do.
I know the feeling.
I don't think you do.
Not the two cultures, but You're feeling like you're pawn in this weird game, where the roles keep changing.
Most of the time, I just wanna forget all about beeing Odin.
- Turn him off for a while.
- And how do you do that? I don't.
I never figured out how.
I don't know, maybe one day I run away or something to figure a way around.
Let's do that.
- Run away? - Let's .
.
get out of here.
Let's just drive let's just go right now right this minute.
Do you want to go away with me? I want to go away with Axl My friend.
To to figure things out.
Do you think, you do that for me? Yeah, of course I can.
Can I get dressed first? Yes .
.
Axl.
You can.
Where exactly we are going? I don't know.
We'll figure it out when we get there.
Sweet.
Anders he's being nice to her.
Well, she is his beloved.
You told me it would end badly for her.
Oh, it will end badly for her.
Doesn't mean it has to start badly.
Well, if Gaia's not a giant, then how can her dad be a giant? Clearly, he's not her dad.
You, Gaia, are soon to become Frigg my truly beloved.
Are we meant to, like, immediately get it on and spend the rest of our lives making god babies? Where in there do I get to choose what I do and who I do it with? Gaia! Gaia! Mike! Not now! Gaia's been kidnapped.
What? Gaia she's gone, Mike! She's gone! I was here, she was here.
Th-They just pulled up, grabbed her and took off.
What did the van look like? Uh, it was old.
A crappy old van.
Give me something specific, Axl.
It was just a van like every other you see driving around.
Did you see their face? No.
They wore balaclavas.
So you didn't see their face? What about a balaclava don't you get? Axl, think.
I am.
Come on.
Details.
OK, OK, OK.
Fuck.
There was music coming from the van.
Uh, reggae music.
And-And-And there was a flag on the aerial, uh, with M the letter M on it.
And, uh The number plate the The number plate was R, one of those funny O's with the funny line through it, uh, N-G-O.
Good.
That's good.
Is that enough? More than enough.
Yes! OK, let's roll.
Not you.
Eh? I don't want you anywhere near this.
Why not? Do not argue with me.
Come on.
Is this giants again? No.
No, this feels different.
Oh.
Hi.
Sorry.
Can I help you? Natalie Mather.
I'm looking for Anders Johnson.
Uh, he's not here right now.
Oh.
Any idea when he'll be back? I'd say tomorrow at the earliest? Pity.
We met briefly in Oslo, and he told me drop in if ever I was in this part of the world.
Right.
Well, maybe you could give him my card.
Get him to call me.
I can do that.
Uh, you're with Lindis? Yes.
Australasian marketing manager, as it says on the card.
I didn't know you could get Lindis down here.
No, you can't, but you will soon.
Which is why I'm here.
I love Lindis.
I mean, I don't actually have any, but I've seen it in magazines, and I love how it all slots together.
Sorry.
Gushing.
Quite.
Affordable, stylish furniture for the masses.
We're launching our brand here, and I was meeting with the PR people our ad agency suggested, but, frankly, they weren't much chop.
So I thought of Anders.
But if he's not here, then we'll just run with what we have.
Well, let me see if I can find him.
Please.
Take a seat.
He may be in a meeting.
This better be good.
I have Natalie Mather here.
Wh-Who? From Oslo.
So? Australasian marketing manager for Lindis? Oh God, is that the bloody awful furniture I kept banging my shins on all over Europe? Yes.
That's the one.
Well, what is? I don't remember her.
Does she? Oh, does she have a tattoo of a bear on her neck? No.
OK.
Well, it's not that night, then.
What does she want with me? She has a business opportunity.
OK.
Well, you get her to call me tomorrow, OK? No.
You need to get over here now.
Dawn, you have no idea how busy I am.
I do, but you need to forget about that and get over here as soon as possible before this very good business opportunity goes away.
I OK, I'll be there in an hour.
See you in 10 minutes.
He'll be here as soon as he can.
Coffee? No.
Tea? No, no.
I don't drink hot beverages.
Not exactly trying to hide their tracks, are they? You wanna split up? No.
Axl's right.
Let's stick together.
Shall I kick it in? I'd really like to.
Perhaps we should beat a tactical retreat.
Consider our options.
Do you wanna find Gaia? Of course I do.
See? Told you they'd find me.
That is cool.
You OK? This is George, Kia-ora.
and this is Leon.
Do you remember how I said this day couldn't possibly get any weirder? You need to come meet Jerome.
Yeah.
Come on! You OK there, mate? Yeah, all good.
Your prophecy has come true.
It wasn't a prophecy.
I just knew.
Do you come in peace? Not sure as of yet.
Yes, they do.
OK.
In the name of the Rastaman himself, ihu Karaiti, and the tangata whenua and Yaweh and all the little animals in the bushes and the fishes in the oceans of this world, we greet you.
OK.
Axl, who is Odin; Mike, who is Ullr; and Michele, who is I can never get that name.
Sjofn.
Yeah.
That's it.
And the one at the back that's Bryn.
Meet George, who is Punga; Leon, who is Rongo; and Jerome, who is Maui.
And behalf of the true gods of Aotearoa, welcome to my house.
Dawn, did you let her get away? After making me stop what I was doing, which was very enjoyable, and rush all the way down here? She's in the bathroom.
Oh.
Are you still drunk? I thought you'd stopped drinking in favour of other vices.
I can multitask, believe it or not.
And she is the straightest woman in the world.
Natalie.
Hello.
Welcome to NZ.
It's good to see you again.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Thanks.
Gosh, it's been, uh what I mean, when did we? When did we last, uh, last? Oslo.
Oh, yeah, I know.
But Oslo Oslo is a bit of a blur for me, what with all the jetlag and stuff.
You were there three months.
Mm.
My body clock's weird.
You were Hotel Skjeggestad? Yes, I was.
And it was lovely too see you again, Natalie.
Lindis.
I love Lindis.
The way it slots together genius.
It's overdue at the bottom of the world.
Now, four words how can we help you? How can we help? Hmm, that very much depends on whether Lindis wants you to help.
You're here, right? That's an expression of interest.
Interest, yes.
But at Lindis, we not only believe in innovative design, but in a holistic view of the world in which we do business.
In short, we like to know who we're dealing with.
.
their world, their beliefs, their core values before they can represent our brand.
Do you understand? Oh, I understand.
I mean, that's almost exactly our phisos, philoso phy here at JPR, isn't it, Dawn? Yes, Anders.
Good to know.
Why don't we discuss this over dinner? We don't have much in the way of herring-based cuisine in Auckland, but I'm sure we can get Dawn to book us somewhere nice.
Also good.
Excellent.
Make it so, Dawn.
Yes, Anders.
And, Natalie, it's lovely to see you again.
Mm.
You too, Mr Johnson.
I've been waiting for this a long time.
Till this evening.
Gosh, isn't she just a fluffy little kitten of warmth? You still have no idea where you met her.
Ah.
To be fair, I killed many brain cells trying to stay warm in Norway.
Make the booking.
Do your internet thing, and find out as much about Lindis as hu as humanly possible.
Yeah.
So, you fellas been here, what, 140 years? Something like that.
You've been keeping a low profile.
Same could be said about you.
But we've always been here.
Thousands of years.
That's not the same as 'always'.
Still a lot longer than you.
Still not the same as 'always'.
So why today kidnap one of out goddesses? It's hardly keeping a low profile.
Mm-mm.
Not kidnap.
Liberate and educate.
Not one of your goddesses.
Yeah, but she will be.
Not when she become Papatuanuku.
No, she's going to be Frigg.
No.
Papatuanuku.
There are two prophecies, Axl.
'From the goddess Apakura, the vengeful mother,' Amene.
'and a war lord from the north, his hand lost to the wolf, shall be born a daughter, Papatuanuku.
See, for ages, the Elders thought the north part meant Ahipara, up that way.
Turns out, we weren't thinking for enough north! Till Mum shacked up with that deadbeat one-armed Pakeha fella.
Tyr.
Oh, is that his god name? Cos I just called him 'arsehole'.
Turns out Leon is also my half-brother.
Tena koe, baby sis.
'And when our goddess Papatuanuku rises from the earth, when her time is upon her, she shall meet with the god Maui, and we shall rise up Let me guess you will all attain your powers in full.
On the money, Mr Ullr.
But Gaia is one of us.
Aren't you? Axl, I have no idea about anything any more.
My whole life has been a lie from the moment Bryn snatched me from my parents Hang on.
He took you? Yeah.
Bryn raised me, as a father.
After he slaughtered your real mother and your real father.
Gaia, this Bryn didn't 'snatch' you.
He murdered your parents.
I'm so sorry.
Leon, no! I demand utu! He can wait! Possibly a case of information overload, eh? And now would be a good time for some kai and a korero.
Do you concur? Oh, I definitely concur.
Come on, let's get out of here.
He killed them, Axl.
Yeah, I know.
Let's go home.
We can talk about it there.
Are you trying to steal Papatuanuku away from Maui while I was relieving myself? She's not Papatuanuku.
She's Gaia, my flatmate, and we are out of here.
Whoaaa.
Papatuanuku is nobody's flatmate.
She is all-powerful.
All things are born from her, and with her at my side, Aotearoa will be reborn, and my people will be brought together, like the two tribes of Israel.
The Cook Strait will part, and I will lead my people to reunification.
And the amazing thing is, I will do all that and no fishes will be harmed in the process.
So you're big on the welfare of fish, is that right? Oh, God of Fishing that's me.
But as a rule, fishermen tend to kill fish.
It's not the way you fish; it's how you fish.
Could I ask a question? You may.
I am the way, the truth and the answer.
There are no secrets in the House of Jerome.
This is your house? No, it's it's George's house, but it's called the House of Jerome.
If she, Gaia Papatuanuku is all-powerful, then why bother with a demigod? Or is she just into fishermen a bit of rough trade? Lady, I don't have to answer that.
You just said you would.
Well, sometimes questions have no answers because they have their own truth a truth so pure, so big that it's bigger than any answer.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
A bit of space is what she needs.
Olaf, I know leaving a message is a pointless exercise, but I live in hope.
Now, I don't care how big the surf is.
You call me back.
This is urgent.
Ooh.
Tensions running high, eh? Well, that's what you get when you start proceedings with a kidnapping.
Liberation.
We don't see it that way.
Face it, Mr Ullr, Jerome and Gaia are a match made in God heaven.
No offence, Mr Punga, but, uh, we don't even know if you guys are for real.
Oh, we're real.
Sorry, I'm not up on my Maori mythology, but what is Punga God of again? It's complex to outsiders.
Mm.
Try me.
Loosely speaking, I am the God of Ugly Things sharks, stingrays, anything deformed.
They are my children.
Mm.
Winner! Yet, strangely, I am irresistible to the pretty ladies.
Oh, so your powers work on an ironic level, do they? Oh, you've got powers, have you? Yeah, I have.
What you can fly like Superman? I found you guys, didn't I? Let's just say they are more subtle right now in touch with the land.
But with the arrival of our Papatuanuku, our powers will ascend.
Unless she isn't Papatuanuku.
Mr Ullr, Maori goddesses are few and far between, and Gaia is incredibly precious to us.
As she is to us.
And we will do whatever it takes to fulfil our prophecy.
As will we.
And we found her first.
But we were here first.
We need to talk.
We are talking.
Amongst ourselves.
We need to, um, you know, defuse the tension a little bit.
Very well.
Go home.
Defuse.
But tomorrow we hold a hui.
A hui? Well, you wanted to korero.
If there's one thing we can do, it's talk.
Shouldn't let her go.
She will be back.
Now she's tasted the brown side.
Yeah! Don't be a dick, Jerome.
As a matter of interest, do you find George attractive? I do, come to think of it.
Why? Does that threaten you? No.
No.
These people are not just straight.
They are super-straight.
Their website has all these sayings, like 'to sell and to serve.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I figured as much and have taken appropriate steps.
What steps? You'll see.
Heads up.
Natalie, you look divine.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Thank you, Anders.
Um, I have a conference call in two hours.
Then we should go through.
Oh, we're just waiting on one other.
And there she is.
Hi, honey.
Sorry I'm late.
That's OK.
Natalie, this is Helen my wife.
Pleased to meet you.
Shall we eat? And she's safe.
We should form a kidnap survivor's group.
Not now, Zeb.
Your dad's in a really bad way.
Not my dad.
OK, that's cold.
Long story, Zeb.
Long, long story.
Ah.
Where were you? I could you ask the same question.
I emerge from a little quality time in the bogs with Stace, and the place is empty.
You were lucky I was here to keep the hordes at bay.
Do you know who we met today, Olaf? I feel you're going to tell me.
Maori gods.
It turns out there are Maori Gods.
Were you aware of this? Hell, no.
How is it you're aware of this? Because they kidnapped Gaia.
OK, I missed that.
Yeah, because you were off shagging in the toilets.
Yes.
Well, I'm here now to formulate the rescue plan.
We already rescued her.
All good, then.
Except it turns out she's just as likely to be their goddess as ours! That's weird.
Duelling prophecies.
Whoa.
Did you have any idea of any of this? How could I? Until two minutes ago, I had no idea about Maori Gods.
Because you're a fucking oracle is how! You are supposed to see things coming! Not wave to them as they recede into the distance.
'Ooh, bye-bye, prophecy.
Sorry I missed you.
' You are always late, loaded and generally retarded when it comes to having your shit together.
As far as being a family oracle goes, you're crap, mate.
You're a fucking waste of space! And the next time you bugger off surfing when we need you, do us all a favour and don't come back! The way I see it, Lindis plus JPR equals national brand domination.
That's what I will deliver.
Young couples in need of low-cost, high-quality furniture as they set up their love nests will be crying out for kitset Lindis bookshelves and coffee tables by the time I am done with them.
Tell me about your family.
I'm very big on family, as is Lindis, I understand.
We are.
Tell me about your parents.
Uh, my father sailed off into the sunset when I was a baby, and my mother she, uh, she-she died not long after that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Brothers, sisters? I have three brothers Mikkel, Axl and Tyrone.
Good Scandinavian names.
My forefathers came from Norway.
Oh, when? Um, back in the 1870s.
On board the Hovding? You know about the Hovding? It's my business to read up on this country's history especially any links to Lindis' country.
Oh, well, yeah.
They were on the Hovding, apparently.
Among the first Norwegians here.
That's a strong bond.
Yes, it is.
A good omen, I hope.
A good omen indeed.
Bryn Leave me alone, for I am lower than low.
You know, for a giant, you are seriously pathetic.
She hates me.
Well, you did murder her parents.
Parents? They were no parents.
They were two scumbags undeserving of the title.
Keeping a baby like that in squalor, in such an evil place.
It made me sick to my stomach.
It was a professional killing.
It was quick, humane more humane than those maggots deserved.
Like ridding the world of a cancer.
There is never a good reason to kill, but this was as close as you will ever come.
You need to tell her, not me.
I'd leave out some of the gory bits, but she needs to Killing someone's parents, no matter how much they deserved it that's a stain that will never wash out.
Gaia and I are done.
I'm only glad I got her this far.
If that's your attitude, then why are you still here? Take off.
I'm not here for her.
I'm here for tomorrow.
I killed two gods, Axl.
I must pay for that.
A pleasure to meet you, Helen.
And you, Natalie.
Can I ask a question? Certainly.
Why no wedding rings? They are still the symbol of eternal union here as well, right? Of course.
But Anders and I lead such busy lives, we were forever misplacing them.
He loses his at the gym all the time.
Sometimes we forget to wear them.
That's all.
I understand completely.
Well, thank you for a lovely meal.
Oh, no, please don't get up.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Lovely chatting, Natalie! Lovely bathing in the warmth of your personality! She's European.
If you ever leave your cat and travel, you'll see they're like that.
I don't have a cat.
By crikey, I need alcohol.
Oh, no.
We can do better than that.
I knew there was a reason I married you.
Hey, Dawn, will you sort out the bill here? Are you sure in your heart? I am.
Shall I proceed? I need to talk to the Council.
Esto cum deo.
Esto cum deo.
Oh-ho! Baldr! I can't believe you agreed to a hui! Are you insane? Do you know how long those things go on for? Other gods, Anders! Yeah, thanks, Mike, I get that.
Who would have thought there were others out there? But a hui? I've been to a hui.
They talk forever.
And you know what happens after? The boil-up.
Pork and puha.
Animal fat in dishwater.
It's worse than Norwegian cuisine.
Pass.
You'll be there.
Why? Because we might need your oratory skills.
Wow, I'm moved.
I hope you didn't rupture something getting down off your high horse.
But still, pass.
Gaia? Gaia, It's time to go.
She's done a runner, hasn't she? I hope not.
Do you want me to go in her place? I can be peacemaker, add to my legend.
No, Zeb, because you are not Gaia, or a God.
Or a legend.
Harsh.
You ready? I've always had a thing for brown boys.
They're quite naughty.
Shouldn't Olaf be here? How would that help? Hey, where is Gaia? No idea.
Gone.
OK.
We're ready.
Yeah, wish we could say the same, but the lady of the hour has gone AWOL.
Yeah, ke te pai.
It's all good.
Come on.
Except for him.
He waits here till we're ready for him.
E nga karangarangatanga maha nei e.
Nau mai.
Haere mai.
Haere mai ra koutou e.
Should we just go home now? Haere mai ra nga Do not panic.
Ki runga ki te papahou e hora nei e.
Nau mai.
Haere mai.
Haere mai.
Haere mai.
You're kidding, right? Protocol.
This isn't even a marae.
This is the House of Jerome.
Nau mai.
E noho.
Whiti ora ki te whai Ao, kit e Ao marama, Tihei Mauriora.
To our esteemed manuhiri, Norse Gods in our land, Aotearoa, who have travelled from afar, from the ancient northern lands of the ice and the snow, where their own Norse ways hold sway, to here, our lands.
We thank our esteemed guests for delivering safely to us, to Maui, our own Papatuanuku.
Ae.
Kia-ora.
And for this we will forever recognise the Norse as strangers who became friends.
I am a god real important god.
More than a demi, more than a semi.
You hear me, feel me, see me.
I'm primo, for real-o, the total real deal-o.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Fished up the land, wished up a plan.
I wanna see my girl stand, stand right by her man.
I said my peoples together, birds of a feather, and fish swim in all kinds of weather.
whether we're together or together alone, uh, welcome my girl to the House of Jerome! Yeah! Oh.
Me Maui mean, yeah! Whoo! Tena koutou, tena koutou, tena koutou katoa.
Uh, thank you for the welcome and the uh, that.
It's great that we could all meet, but as for us delivering Gaia into your care Well, one God's Papatuanuku is another God's Frigg, right? Uh-uh.
Which, I guess, is what we are here to discuss.
You need to sing a waiata.
You are shitting me.
S-Snow Patrol? Snow Patrol? Yeah.
The one with the video? There's something about a Magpie.
Something about a Magpie.
Something about a Magpie that is fine, fine, fine.
When the Hawke's Bay pack is ranking, the opposition's breaking.
They send their winger streaking down the line, line, line! There's something about a Magpie that is fine, fine, fine! Ka pai.
Ka pai.
And let the talking begin.
And the word is spreading throughout all the iwi and hapu, even as far as Tuhoe, that the Day Better Than All Other Days, is nigh, when the Cadillac, with Maui at the wheel and with Papatuanuku in the passenger seat and with all their whanau in the back, pulls out on to the State Highway 1 of the future.
Just because we haven't been here as long as you doesn't mean we're not proud of who we are, because we are a proud race of gods.
And I-I don't mean 'race' in the bad sense, because that's not us.
We're a good bunch the kind of gods and goddesses anyone would be proud to be part of.
You talk of pride.
We too are proud proud of who we are, where we are and how long we've been here.
And in our hearts, alongside the pride, there is love.
Aroha.
So much aroha and pride in our hearts that it is lucky that our hearts are are so big.
In life, it doesn't matter how big you are; it's how deep you are of the depth of what you're feeling and where you're feeling it, which is in your soul, which is where it really matters, at the end of the day.
Good morning, Dawn.
Great dinner last night, eh? Yes.
Stellar! Come on, don't be like that.
Just because to her you are a mere employee I know you're so much more.
Still no word yet on an actual Lindis contract coming our way.
Time zones, Dawn.
It will happen.
Do you want me to call Natalie, give her the hurry up? No use, as today Natalie is hiking.
And how do we know this? Because Helen is hiking with her.
As of now, they are halfway up some fucking volcano.
Is that wise? In terms of the volcano erupting? In terms of your new girlfriend, drug provider and drinking partner and most definitely not your wife spending the day alone with potentially our biggest client? It's all good.
Helen is a great liar who can charm the pants off anyone.
Off you, you mean.
And that is what I love about her.
Helen's a remarkable woman, Dawn.
I wish you would warm to her.
Mm.
Well, maybe I will when she's charmed the pants off Natalie.
Lesbian three-way.
I like the way you think.
Pervert.
Relax, Dawn.
Huge multinational coming our way soon.
Mm.
Don't you just wanna throw that man down and sink your teeth into him? Hell, yeah! Oh, here comes dessert.
We're about to start proceedings again.
Yay! So you ladies might want to get acquainted with the kitchen.
Sorry? These dishes need to be done, plus there's getting the boil-up ready.
OK.
What are you doing? Stop that! Put those down.
Sorry, it's genetic.
Look, I realise goddesses aren't thick on the ground over your side of the fence, but this not how it works.
But this is the House of Jerome.
Then Jerome can do his own dishes.
We're out of here.
I don't mind.
Leaving.
Now.
If things don't work out with Gaia, call me.
I have healing hands.
Ingrid! Hey.
That, uh, that welcome thing you did was awesome.
Ta.
Where did you learn to do that? Not sure.
It just came out like I'd always known how.
Maybe it's a sign I'm destined to be Papatuanuku.
Is that what you're feeling? I'm feeling a lot of things right now, Axl.
You can insert your hui where the sun doesn't shine.
Bye-bye, George.
Sorry.
We have to go.
Yeah, well, some take to the hui process more naturally than others, eh? When will we talk about him? Bad business, that.
Needs to be sorted, though.
In time.
Hasn't the poor bastard waited long enough? Giant! Come here.
Time to face the music.
Why is my apartment different? I rearranged it.
I can see that.
To make it more homely.
Why? In case Natalie drops in.
'In case'? We had the best hiking day today.
Natalie almost even smiled.
And then as we stood atop Rangitoto, basking in God's creation, I told her if she ever wanted to get out of her hotel, she should just drop round.
Hence all this.
Here.
What's that? Our wedding rings.
I can't believe we forgot that detail.
Such a rookie mistake.
I now pronounce us man and wife.
There's some clothes for you, left on the bed.
In case? Good Christian couple clothes.
And this is in case she comes into my bedroom? You were the one having sexy fantasies about her.
And then I took it on myself to rid the world of their hatred.
And now here she is grown into a beautiful woman, a goddess, no less.
And even though I know I have lost her forever, I do not regret my actions.
Not for one second.
And I do not expect mercy.
I will accept my punishment.
Yes.
For there will be utu.
Mm.
Serious utu.
Can I just point out that he killed a Norse God too, and we're not looking for any payback? Wasn't your mother, though, was it? It's not personal to you.
And as such, Rongo will have his utu.
I'm sorry, but time out.
I mean I've never really liked the guy much, but he did actually save Gaia from a screwed up childhood with two P-head parents.
So I don't know if killing him for that is all that cool.
Killing him? Utu, right? What do you think we are? Savages? OK.
Here's what will happen.
You're going to go back to Waiheke Island, and you're going to supply us with that superb hydroponic ganga that you grow.
And we will call it the sacred herb of Maui.
How do you know about my hydro? I have my sources.
And with the proceeds we will fund the Road to Zion for the House of Jerome.
Do you accept your punishment? Uh, yeah.
Sure.
Then get back to the island.
Got a lot of work to do plants to be harvest.
Haere atu.
We own you, bro! We can reconvene tomorrow to discuss a full treaty.
Any of you fellas want a feed? There's plenty of boil-up in there.
Oh, we'll, uh, pass.
Thanks.
I'm good.
Ta.
Now that's sorted, we can focus on the bigger picture our union.
Union? You know, the fun part.
The making of, uh, sweet, sweet love, as is our destiny.
From the union of Maui and Papatuanuku comes many tamariki.
Awesome.
Do you wanna? Do you wanna stay over tonight, maybe? Actually, I should go.
I need to get my beauty sleep.
Ah, spoken like a true goddess.
I'll see you tomorrow.
I'll see you tomorrow too.
OK, well, that's sorted, then.
We'll all see each other tomorrow.
To standing strong and almost united in the face of god chauvinism! Can I show you something? If I had a dollar for every awkward situation, I have been to started with those words.
Why did you got Anders stick? Because Anders was stupid enough not to put it in a safe place.
You stole it? Not these missing it.
Because it is useless to him.
Isn't it so, Ingrid? Yggdrasil is apparently feminine power, yes.
Not "apparently".
I healed Odin with it.
When he was in a coma.
No way.
I held this And I laid my hands upon him, and low he was much better.
Get the fuck out.
Want to see what it does for you, Fulla? Shit yeah.
I love this stick.
Snotra.
For it's fizzy trying pole dancing.
I know them all.
All the stories.
The way we can use this.
It fades.
But we will capture it.
Keep it for us.
Yeah? Can I come in? Sure.
I thought you were asleep.
I couldn't.
What you did for your dad today was choice.
It's not my dad.
For Bryn.
I know the drug thing was your idea.
I had no idea what to do with him.
Jerome wanted to use him like a house elf out of Harry Potter.
Jerome is such - a jerk.
- Jerome is a good guy.
With a great heart.
But I hate it, Axl Everybody talking about me not to me like I'm some sort of thing, not even a person.
And now I'm supposedly this major goddess in two different cultures which means as far as I can make out, I'm doubly screwed.
Do I get a saying any of it? Like fuck I do.
I know the feeling.
I don't think you do.
Not the two cultures, but You're feeling like you're pawn in this weird game, where the roles keep changing.
Most of the time, I just wanna forget all about beeing Odin.
- Turn him off for a while.
- And how do you do that? I don't.
I never figured out how.
I don't know, maybe one day I run away or something to figure a way around.
Let's do that.
- Run away? - Let's .
.
get out of here.
Let's just drive let's just go right now right this minute.
Do you want to go away with me? I want to go away with Axl My friend.
To to figure things out.
Do you think, you do that for me? Yeah, of course I can.
Can I get dressed first? Yes .
.
Axl.
You can.
Where exactly we are going? I don't know.
We'll figure it out when we get there.
Sweet.