The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (2016) s02e11 Episode Script

1
Nendo!
Well, so
My name is Maki, and I'm a freshman.
Please read this!
YEAR 2 - CLASS 3
What a peaceful, ordinary day.
Hey, Nendo.
As usual, you look like a bored cow.
What are you reading?
If there's a word you don't understand,
I can help you, okay?
A freshman girl gave me a letter.
A letter?
I don't believe it! Show me.
It's probably a complaint
What's going on? What's the commotion?
Five seconds of shocked reaction?
That's a bit much.
Saiki! This is a disaster!
Nendo got a love
What are you saying? Go see a doctor.
Nendo got a love letter from a freshman!
A love letter?
That's not worth screaming over.
It has to be a prank.
I can read through this letter
using my psychometry.
I'm nervous just writing this.
I hope I'm brave enough
to give this to Nendo.
Impossible! This can't be!
Surely, this is a mistake!
Or a conspiracy!
The girl who wrote this
means every word of it!
Damn, it's exhausting being so popular.
This girl really has a crush on Nendo.
What kind of traumatic past could make
a girl fall in love with a guy like him?
This can't be
What's wrong?
It's nothing. I just puked from shock.
People vomit from shock?
But why you of all people?
-Show me the letter again.
-Sure.
"Last Sunday, on the baseball field"?
Did you do something then?
Nothing much.
Last Sunday, I went to help out
the baseball team.
But I didn't do much.
I was late, so I only played at the end.
I showed up at the last minute
and hit a home run that won us the game,
but that's all.
That's every baseball player's dream.
Also,
I caught a foul ball
that flew into the stands.
Really, it was nothing.
You were the hero.
Well, being athletic is his only strength.
So, have you replied to her yet?
Not yet.
-I'll turn her down, though.
-What?
I prefer really curvy girls
with hot bodies.
You dumbass! Are you crazy?
You can't afford to be picky!
You need to beg her
to marry you right now!
This will never happen again!
No way. A sexy guy like me?
-I swear! Never again!
-You swear?
Then I guess I'll give her a shot.
You guess?
You're going to just half-ass it?
-Then don't bother!
-Make up your mind.
Don't take this lightly!
Don't take love lightly!
That's the truth.
Do you even know what it means
to date someone?
Of course, I do.
My cousin told me
-it's just dry humping, right?
-You idiot!
It's not? Then what does dating mean?
Isn't it obvious?
-Right, Saiki? Explain it to him.
-You explain it.
Listen up. Dating means
walking home together, going on dates,
and slowly falling in love.
-And eventually, you get to
-Get to?
You know what I mean!
Touch skin to skin
It's holding hands!
How vanilla.
Holding hands?
Then when I was a kid,
I've already dated, like, 100 people.
That's not dating!
And that's not all.
Afterward, when you get older, you
You know Kiss
This is too embarrassing!
Saiki, you explain it!
Are you a child?
-What about kissing?
-Good morning!
Aren! Hairo! Listen to this!
Nendo got a love letter from a girl!
Calm down, man.
Who got a love letter?
You accidentally said "Nendo" there.
Look, I really meant Nendo!
-You're lying!
-Nendo? From a girl?
This can't be real!
Maybe right now,
we're all in Nendo's dream.
A nightmare world.
This isn't a big deal!
Look at me. Of course,
girls are crushing on me.
I guess none of you would know
what that's like.
Don't get cocky!
I still can't believe it.
A girl likes Nendo?
Isn't this a mistake?
-It's probably not a love letter.
-What?
Yes, it does say "love"
and "let's go together,"
but if you read until the end
-Isn't this an invitation to a club?
-I love how you play baseball.
Let's go together to the championships.
We hope you will join the team.
Shiiko Maki, Baseball Team Assistant.
Shiiko Maki
JUDO DOJO
Today's lesson is
judo!
As you know, judo is a martial art.
You'll get hurt if you slack off.
-Good grief. I really hate gym class.
-Stay alert!
I look forward to learning from you!
Hairo is intense as always.
Yes. That's the spirit.
Wait, are you a blackbelt?
Yes! I've been doing judo
since elementary school.
-But you won't have a sparring partner.
-Awesome, Hairo! What a stud!
Hey! Any other blackbelts here?
-Big deal. I'm a blackbelt too.
-Wow! Look at that!
-His judogi is in shreds.
-I'm self-taught!
Take this seriously or you'll get hurt!
I think he means "I'll hurt you."
Everyone, get into pairs.
-"Pairs"? Who should I pair up with?
-Let's pair up, okay?
I guess Kaido will do.
-He's light so it'll be easy to adjust.
-Shun, let's pair up.
Sure.
-Then, I'll settle for Nendo.
-Me and you, Nendo!
-Even if I mess up, he can take it.
-Sure thing.
-What
-Oh, Saiki, you haven't found a partner?
Well, there's an odd number of students,
so it can't be helped.
It's not your fault, don't worry!
I'll be your partner then.
Stop sounding like you pity me.
After stretches, practice your falls!
Okay! Now, let's do some standing moves.
These moves can hurt,
so remember to fall properly.
First, I'll show you a basic throw.
-Saiki! Help me out.
-Why me?
First, like this
-Ask the blackbelt Hairo instead.
-First, get a grip on the sleeve.
Push your shoulder into your opponent,
then grab his arm and go
like this!
-What lame instructions.
-Cool!
That's corporal punishment!
No, that's the lesson.
Now it's your turn to throw me.
Based on those instructions?
-Get him, pal!
-Plus, everyone is watching.
-I'll get this over quickly.
-That's right.
Grab my sleeve, place your shoulder there,
and throw.
-Good. I held my strength back.
-That's all? Throw harder!
-Impossible!
-Huh?
To think he could throw me
-You told me to.
-There's no way
he could have thrown me without my help.
I placed my weight back.
If he's really an amateur,
he will rise to the top of the judo world!
You're reading way too much into this.
All right! Everyone, try it out!
-Yes!
-Okay, I'll do it too.
Saiki, you spar with Hairo.
What? Why?
I could tell from that throw.
If he's really an amateur,
he will rise to the top of the judo world.
Give the judo world some credit.
Are they having a real match?
What? Why?
That's my line.
I knew there was more to you
than meets the eye.
Man to man,
throw your naked body against mine!
Watch your choice of words.
This guy is earnest and passionate
every single time.
Don't you get it yet?
If I really tried,
it would be easy to repeatedly
-defeat without touching you.
-One full point! Two full points!
Do you want to turn judo
into a one-man trampoline show?
Of course not!
For judo fans around the world, I will
slack off to the fullest!
But how can I fool them?
Begin!
These two in particular.
-I must give it a shot!
-Saiki attacked!
So he went for my wrist, but
-I lost.
-You're a fake!
I'm not fooled
by your overly dramatic acting!
-He saw through me.
-You weren't even trying!
If my passionate acting isn't enough,
I have no choice.
Come at me for real, Saiki!
I suppose I'll give it my all.
What is this?
It feels like I'm facing a bear
hunting for his prey.
It looks like I've awakened a monster.
Here I go!
He won't budge.
Why? My move was perfect.
What is this strength?
Am I going to lose?
No way!
We have a winner!
Wow! That was cool, Hairo!
-You're awesome!
-I won? What in the world
No, Saiki was
Saiki wasn't bad, either.
The winner stands out more,
no matter what.
In order to appear like I'm giving my all,
I have to give my all.
-What was that move at the end?
-Well
But the only one who can beat me is me.
It was so fast that I don't remember.
My body just moved on its own.
-I controlled Hairo's body.
-Cool!
Hairo will rise to the top
of the judo world.
Good, he forgot about me.
Pal, you almost won.
You were surprisingly good, Saiki.
All right, I'll get revenge for you.
Hey, Hairo!
Unfortunately, thanks to that match,
I stood out a bit as well.
I need another distraction.
Hey, looks like I won.
Nendo will rise to the top
of the judo world!
Looks like there was no need to worry.
Happy New Year, Saiki!
"Teruhashi! Happy New Year."
Do you want to go
to the festival together?
"Really? With me? I'd be glad to."
Yes, it's perfect. Here I go.
SAIKI
I already knew you were coming,
thanks to my telepathy.
I already made sure
our doorbell won't ring.
Sorry, but I want to take it easy
on New Year's Day.
Can I help you?
-What?
-You
-There he is.
-I knew it!
You can't keep a girl waiting like that.
-These are the last two people I want
-Come in.
-to see on New Year's Day.
-Okay.
-Kusuke! You're home!
-Mom, it's been a while.
Happy New Year!
Kokomi! Happy New Year!
Wait, you two know each other?
She was ringing the doorbell,
so I brought her in.
-The doorbell?
-Sorry, I didn't hear!
This is a huge revelation!
I had no idea Saiki had an older brother!
But I don't really like his type.
Speaking of siblings
Isn't Kuriko here today?
-What?
-Oh, right.
The other day, I dressed as a girl
and pretended to be my sister.
-I have to let them know.
-Kuriko?
Oh, right! Kuriko.
Dad, you're perceptive!
Here is kuriko for you!
That's kuri chestnut paste.
No, I meant, Saiki's sister.
-What? A sister
-This is bad!
Oh, of course! Our sister, Kuriko.
She's abroad right now. You know her?
-Oh, really?
-Yes.
Oh, I see!
He finally got it.
Which country did she go to?
It's Paraguay.
-Paraguay?
-Just shut up.
Kusuo, I have a present for you!
Nice, in more than one way.
You can have one too.
What? No, I can't accept that.
Don't be shy.
I have, like, 80 million in the bank.
Wow, well
She doesn't believe him.
You too, Dad.
-You didn't have to
-What?
My present, please.
-How long is he going to keep this up?
-You have 80 million?
You can spare me ten or 20 grand.
He invited me out!
Saiki invited me to go with him
to the festival!
-This is worthy of a gasp, right?
-Stop that.
Good grief, I have no choice. I must
separate Teruhashi from my brother.
It would be a nuisance
if they become friends.
Okay, let's go!
-Wow, there's a lot of people.
-This is the worst-case scenario.
It's all his fault.
To escape this situation, I need to
Why is his brother tagging along?
I have to look for an opening and
-Go with Teruhashi
-Go with Saiki
-away from here!
-away from here!
This is the first time
these two ever had the same idea.
By the way, are you two dating?
No, no. We're just friends.
You shouldn't embarrass Saiki like that.
What? You're totally mistaken!
We're just friends!
Really! That's so embarrassing!
You two seemed so close,
so I got the wrong idea.
You knew, but you asked anyway.
I was thrown off
by his question and panicked.
I knew I wouldn't like him.
I guess that's to be expected.
You two don't seem
to have anything in common.
You're as different as night and day.
That's not true.
Saiki and I have plenty
-What are you saying?
-What?
I can see through you.
You're not worthy of Kusuo.
-What?
-You thought you could fool me?
Well, it's to be expected.
You probably have been pampered
your whole life because of your looks.
But Kusuo is on a different level.
Hey, you're going too far.
I realize now why I don't like this guy.
He hasn't gasped even once
since meeting me.
Oh!
He did just now, but it wasn't at me.
There's never been anyone
who wasn't interested in me.
Don't look at me like that.
I was just teasing her.
I can't really judge appearances.
Everyone looks like a monkey to me.
I don't get it at all.
That's pretty condescending.
But you shouldn't take Teruhashi
too lightly.
She gives even me trouble.
I've never felt such shame.
I won't forgive him!
I I never meant to
Sorry. I know
you're a talented actress too.
YAKITORI
YAKISOBA
What's going on?
These people are surrounding us.
They're surrounding you, not us.
My secret pretty girl technique,
Angel Tears!
-Who do you think you are?
-You made Teruhashi cry!
-Are these all her boyfriends?
-We'll bash your head in!
-Kusuo. What?
-You'll eat your words!
-What?
-Get him!
Even he was no match for Teruhashi.
What? I don't see your brother anymore.
Oh, well. Let's walk around together!
-Now, how can I get away from her?
-Hey! Don't let him get away!
There's a guy that bothers me lately.
-I aim for the average on tests,
-My rank is dropping.
-so I don't stand out.
-I wish they would stop
-I managed to rank 90th
-putting up the ranking.
-out of 181 students.
-We're all number one, right?
-The problem is the name next to mine.
-What rank are you?
This is the third time.
Hiroshi Satou always
get the exact same score as me.
Hiroshi Satou.
The most ordinary of ordinary names.
This guy
You're in 90th place again?
You're so average.
Toritsuka, how low did you rank?
Why did you think I ranked low?
-How low?
-Well, I ranked 175th.
That's right.
Satou is in the same class as him.
Hiroshi Satou?
Is he in my class?
I just transferred here,
so I don't remember everyone's name.
-You've been here for years.
-Hey, Shinohara!
-Do you know Hiroshi Satou?
-My name is Shinoda.
-Hiroshi Satou?
-Yes.
-He even forgot his own classmate's name.
-I'm not sure.
-Oh, I remember now! Satou is that guy.
-Where?
-There.
-Where?
The guy standing in front of the lockers?
No, the one reading the book.
Hiroshi Satou is such a forgettable name.
-Yes, it's him!
-What's with that look?
I knew it!
You were really looking for him?
He's, like, really bland.
You wouldn't understand
how impressive that guy is.
You will never understand
how hard it is to be ordinary.
My whole life, I've tried so hard
to be ordinary.
That didn't work, and I've dealt with
disaster after disaster.
But look at him.
Average looks, average brain.
Nothing about him is remarkable.
Blandness personified!
Well, that's going too far.
I'm complimenting him.
He's living the student life
I've dreamed of!
-I want to be like him.
-Like him?
I have to respect such blandness.
Unlike you, with that
unique name and flashy looks,
you stand out from the pack.
Are you complimenting me?
I'm dissing you, dumbass.
Good grief, he doesn't understand at all
how incredible he is.
He's 169,9cm tall
and weighs 61,0kg.
Do you know what this means?
His height and weight are exactly average,
down to the millimeter.
I guess that's amazing.
-Hey, Satou.
-Must be his friends.
-Good morning.
-Chubby and skinny!
Even his friends are ordinary clichés!
The ideal group of friends!
He's so excited today.
One with glasses, two without.
The perfect ratio.
How did I overlook this group before?
Hey, are you done?
-How was breakfast?
-Conversation is bland too.
-I had grilled fish.
-I had rice and natto.
-Ordinary!
-Oh, okay.
I had toast and coffee.
You too? Why did you even ask?
You should try to be more like them.
-Hey.
-What?
Satou, what kind of women do you like?
What kind of women? That's
Don't disrupt his peace!
Which celebrities do you like?
I don't know. Maybe Kanna Hashimoto?
-Bland!
-See you later!
Bye-bye!
Satou, aren't you going to practice?
Actually, I have a dentist appointment.
Oh, okay.
Well, you better show up tomorrow.
The only ones we have to play right field
are you, Kawashita, Abe, and Matsutani.
Yes, I know.
So, Satou is on the baseball team.
I got called ordinary again.
-What? That idiot.
-So ordinary!
Am I really that bland?
Don't worry about it.
You're fading into the background,
but don't worry.
I have interesting hobbies,
like reading books
Bland, but that's okay.
Watch where you're going, asshole!
I'm sorry!
Well, that other guy
definitely isn't bland.
I'll sue you for a million yen!
He's a cliché in his own way.
One million! No way.
You just broke my shoulder.
Show me your house!
My dad only makes four million yen a year.
He can't pay that!
My mom is a housewife,
and we can barely afford
my brother's swimming lessons!
Even that whole backstory was bland.
I'll make you pay every penny!
What should I do?
He won't forgive me even if I apologize.
I don't have a choice.
-I have to do it!
-What's this?
Get on my knees and beg!
-I'm so sorry!
-The most ordinary solution!
It's too late, asshole!
I'll take everything you own
What happened?
I won't forgive someone
who disrupts an ordinary life.
My life might not be ordinary,
but you must stay just the way you are.
Did I do that?
Nobody is around, and I don't think
he passed out on his own.
Do I have some hidden power?
Satou, wait!
As if! There's no way!
I guess a ball came flying?
Now it's my chance to run.
Stay bland.
LIBRARY
Returning those?
-Sorry, but put them back yourself.
-Good grief. Why is he working here?
PK Academy's library has
a pretty good selection of books.
I used to go to another library, but
Oh, this is the one
where the zookeeper is the culprit.
The librarian usually spoiled
the plot for me.
Besides,
the books I'm reading now
can only be found here.
THE RED TEARS, THE WHITE WALL
The case files of Ace Detective
Tsukasa Kouenji, seven volumes.
They're detective novels written by
Hikoichi Fujimorikawa 20 years ago.
Honestly, the plot is average.
But I prefer detective novels
over romantic ones.
And only two people have ever
checked this out in 20 years.
That's enough of a reason for me
to read it.
There are five volumes left,
but I can only check out four at a time.
I'll read one here then.
I can finish it in an hour.
My glove is ripped.
Oh no
THE RED TEARS, THE WHITE WALL
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry too.
-What?
-Do you like these novels as well?
Yes, I've been really
into this series lately.
-Me too!
-A flashback?
-What is this?
-I'm glad to meet
-This feels like a romance novel.
-someone I can talk with about them.
I'm Bungo Higashino.
I'm Shouko Murakami. Nice to meet you.
But their faces are not
from a romance novel.
It's over.
I didn't think my glove would rip.
That scene was from 20 years ago.
They were the ones
who checked out these books.
Good grief,
they didn't spoil the plot for me.
It's only a small tear,
so I'll just be careful.
THE BLUE KNIFE
All done.
The story was just okay, as usual.
When they solved the mystery
with a trick using the mirror,
I was underwhelmed,
but it was written 20 years ago.
At least the wife being the culprit
was a surprise.
I guess those two checked out
this one as well.
I'm a little curious.
The close-up is unnecessary.
Who would have thought it was a trick
using a mirror?
Right? I didn't figure it out at all.
But the wife turning out to be the culprit
was a little obvious.
-Seriously?
-This is the first time
-I've enjoyed talking to someone so much.
-Yes, I wouldn't talk to you.
This is the first time for me too.
-Murakami!
-Yes?
I like you.
Will you go out with me?
SHOCK
It ends there? That's a cliffhanger.
Damn it.
All I can see now is
where the book was printed.
I have no choice. Next volume then.
Hold on.
I haven't even read this one yet.
If I use my psychometry,
I might spoil the ending.
I came here to read,
not to peer into someone's private life.
LENDING CARD
BUNGO HIGASHINO
Only Higashino checked this out?
What happened to Murakami?
Did something happen after that?
I have to know!
THE GREEN GEM
Higashino is crying? Did he get rejected?
Why are you crying?
This book is amazing. I can't help it.
What's going on?
I read it and cried earlier too.
Murakami! So that's what happened.
To think that the culprit
was Numabukuro, the assistant.
Don't spoil it!
Who's that?
-Hey.
-Miyabe!
-Who are you?
-Wait, Bungo!
I'm Shouko's fiance!
What is this?
It always ends with a cliffhanger, damn!
THE YELLOW HEARSE
I guess I have to see the rest!
We jump right into the climax.
Cut it out! You can't expect me to marry
the one who wins!
So that's the situation.
This'll finish you!
That was a solid punch.
Looks like it's over.
Impossible! How can you still stand?
I'm glad I slipped that book
under my shirt.
That's sort of cheap.
The culprit in this book was a boxer.
And he spoils it again.
Take this! Love Punch!
That name is cliché and lame.
Damn it. Another cliffhanger.
Just show me what happens next!
THE BLACK CLOWN
Wait, why is Higashino losing now?
-It's thanks to this!
-You too?
-I bet everything on this punch!
-This is the end!
It ended again!
They're dragging this out forever.
THE GOLDEN SKY
The final volume.
I don't care about the books anymore.
Show me what happens to those two!
-Harada, you can take a break.
-All right.
No!
The manufacturing company?
This is the last volume.
Higashino, how did your fight end?
We're closing now. Can you leave?
Shut up. Now's not the time.
We're closing. Get out.
LIBRARY STAFF
HIGASHINO
Higashino.
So, you won.
NEXT TIME
It's not like me to be excited.
I want Satou to include me
in his ordinary life.
Next time,
we will see more
of Satou's perfect blandness.
Also, there are freshman,
hamsters, and frosted tips,
but I don't care about those.
Subtitle translation by Takuya Sawaoka