The Exes (2011) s02e11 Episode Script

Holly.
Holly! - What now? - I can't find the remote.
Well did you try looking for it? Of course I did.
I looked everywhere.
Everywhere, huh? Well, of course I couldn't find it there.
I'm huge.
You're nine months pregnant.
You're supposed to be huge.
That is so mean.
You're supposed to tell me I'm beautiful.
Well you are beautiful-- Now you're just saying it.
- Holly? - What? - Can you fluff my pillow? - Sure.
Here we go.
Now it's worse.
Do it like they showed you in lamaze.
There, it's fluffed.
- Holly? - What? I want a grape soda.
A grape soda.
Okay.
Grape soda for the little lady.
That's not a Jones grape soda.
What's the difference? Grape soda's grape soda.
No, it's not.
I want a Jones grape soda.
I'm having a craving.
- Come on, Eden.
- I want a Jones grape soda! - Holly? - What? Put a wiggle in it.
Stuart, you know I'm not one to brag.
You do it all the time.
That's 'cause I'm awesome! I'm about to close a major endorsement deal for one of my clients.
Yep.
Breakfast cereal, baby, picture on the box.
Just like Jordan, Gretzky-- - Gabby Douglas.
Hmm? That uneven bars dismount still gives me the chills.
So does that.
Hands down, Gabby.
Who's the client? Chuck Feeney.
Shut the front door! The tennis player? I used a Chuck Feeney racquet to win the pine Glen annual mixed doubles tennis tournament and gout awareness fundraiser.
I gotta head to the hotel, tell Chuck about the endorsement deal.
Whoa, whoa, you're going to see him right now? Is there any chance that I could-- - No.
- But I promise-- - No! - Well, even if I just-- No! So what, you're afraid I'm gonna embarrass you? Yes.
Eden, got your grape soda.
Shh.
I just got her down.
Haskell, what are you doing here? Eden knocked on our door looking for you.
She said you were gone for a long time.
I had to go to three stores to find her precious soda.
And then I kind of, might have ducked into a movie.
It was a crappy rom-com, but since no one was yelling at me, I give it five stars.
So thanks for taking care of the bride of Chucky.
No problem.
We played some scrabble.
I made her some chamomile tea.
I brushed her hair and she nodded off.
You're right, she's quite the little demon seed.
Don't pat yourself on the back just yet, okay? You got lucky one night.
I have been taking enemy fire for weeks.
I completely understand.
Thank you.
Some people are born nurturers, and some people live across the hall from those people.
That's ridiculous.
I'm the one who invited her to stay here.
I'm plenty nurturing.
I'm thirsty.
Oh, crap, she's up.
Wow! That's a small dress.
Hey, honey.
Come on in and join the party.
Party? What party? The Chuck Feeney's back in town party! Phil.
There's my guy.
I want you to meet my ball girls.
This is, uhthis one.
And this is, uh, the other one.
- Bring it in! - I'm bringin' it, baby.
- Good to see you, buddy.
- Good to see you too.
So, Chuck, you've been in town for what, an hour? Where'd you find the girls? I called an agency.
A modeling agency? Sure.
Chuck, come on, man.
I'm about to get you a major cereal deal.
I don't think moms across America want their kids starting the day off with a big bowl of hooker flakes.
Why not, I bet they're grrreat! Hello? What?! Are you serious? Um, all right, thank you.
Chuck, that was the front desk.
Paparazzi found out you're here.
What? How did they find me? I even checked in under my fake name--Gary Busey.
Now look, I gotta get you out of here.
The last thing you need is this picture in the tabloids.
Sorry, buddy, I'm Chuck Feeney, okay? If these cereal people can't handle the fact that I like my women five at a time, then maybe I'm not they're guy.
The deal's worth seven figures.
Sorry, hoes, gotta go.
- Morning.
- Hey.
You sleep on the couch last night? - Yes, I did.
- How come? All right, I'm gonna tell you something, but I don't want you to get all "Stuart" on me.
What does the even mean? Chuck Feeney stayed here last night.
He's asleep in my room.
Oh, Chuck Feeney's in our apartment! Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! See I was afraid you were gonna overreact.
Look, man, until this cereal deal closes, I gotta keep Chuck out of trouble and away from the women.
Oh, yeah, I hear he's a bit of a rascal.
Oh, that's an understatement.
Actresses, models.
The guy's a major hound.
He makes me look likeyou.
What are you doing? Just getting my tennis racket.
A couple of ankle socks for Chuck to sign.
No, no, no.
Stuart, I gotta go to work.
I'm begging you not to pester the guy.
Google "cool" and try to be that.
Hey, man, I'm Chuck.
Stuart.
Where's Phil? Phil had to bounce.
He had to peel, split, laters.
He's Audi 5000.
He's like, he needed to go.
Just, uh, to-- Are you having a seizure? No, I just--I'm sorry.
- I'm a huge fan.
- Ah.
I'm in the presence of seven time grand slam winner and I know the Phil said to be cool, but let's face it, I'm not.
Okay, well, Phil's not here, okay? So relax, we're just a couple of guys hanging out.
All right.
You play? Oh, uh, a little, a little.
You know, uh, good at the net, solid backhand, my serve is kind of erratic.
Well maybe I can help you out a little.
Why don't you grab your racquet, show me what you got? - Really? - Well I'm here, right? - Okay.
- Oh, come on.
- Wow.
- All right.
There is a chance that that's the worst serve I've ever seen in my life.
But don't worry.
I can help you, okay.
- Just relax.
- All right.
I'm gonna guide your arms.
And the real key is, you know, full extension.
Okay? You gotta get it up there.
So you wanna toss and then stroke real high, okay? Toss and stroke.
- Oh, yeah, that's-- - Good.
Toss and stroke.
Real nice.
Toss and stroke.
That's really nice.
Keep going, toss and stroke.
Faster! Toss and stroke.
One more.
Toss.
You better stroke it! Chuck, maybe I should try a few on my own.
No, you know, I don't think that you're ready yet, okay? Come on.
Come on back.
The key to your power is in your core.
Okay, tighten up your stomach muscles.
- Whoa, hello Mr.
Six Pack.
- Okay, can you-- You know, Chuck, I, uh--it's okay, I think I got this.
Oh, you got it.
You got it real good.
- Hey, Chuck.
- Hey, man.
Everything cool? My, uh, roommate Stuart wasn't all up in your business, was he? No, he's fine.
Just fine.
Hey, man, what do you say we go get some models, huh? Rent a limo, get some champagne? Oh, no, no, no, no.
Chuck, until this cereal deal closes, I need to keep you here where there's nothing to tempt you.
Damn it.
I guess I'll just have to stay here with Stuart.
But you are killing me, man, you are killing me.
Man, you are such a player.
No wonder you can't keep a girlfriend.
Yes.
That is the reason.
- You want a beer? - Sure.
Psst, Phil! - Phil.
- Stuart, what's going on, man? Listen, I need to speak with you About a little incident this morning involving your client, Chuck.
Stuart, I told you to leave him alone.
- What did you do? - Me? No, no.
I was the perfect gentleman.
Someone, however, got a little handsy.
What are you trying to say? Your client took liberties with me.
What started as a tennis lesson turned into a bad prom date.
What are you nuts? Stuart, the guy could date any woman in the world, but yet he couldn't resist you, Stuart Gardner, D.
D.
S.
? What was it? Was it your neat hair? Was it the smart shoes? Was it the crease in your khakis? Apparently the whole package.
- You're out of your mind.
- No-- You know what, fine.
Just show me what he did.
Okay, all right, all right.
Um, he was helping me with my serve.
He p--put one arm here and one arm here.
- Uh-huh.
- All right? And then we did toss and stroke.
- Oh.
Oh.
- Toss and stroke.
Oh.
Now I see what happened? You-you do? Yeah.
He gave you a tennis lesson.
Okay, it didn't feel like just a tennis lesson.
Well that's because you're not used to being around athletes.
You know, all the chest bumping, the butt smacks.
You know? These are very physical guys.
Think I overreacted? Stuart, you called 911 when you couldn't get the oven fan off.
It was over-venting my scones, so Oh, my God, I-I think you're right.
I'm--oh, I'm so embarrassed.
Could I be any more clueless? I'd say no, but you keep surprising me.
Remember, coaches, our goal is to relax mommy and get her to a calm, happy place.
Third Avenue traffic was a nightmare! Too many damn people in the world.
Sorry, pregnant couples.
Hi, there.
Rageaholics is three doors down.
No, no, I'm supposed to be here.
I'm a coach.
There's my little mommy.
Haskell, what the hell are you doing here? Pinch hitting, yet again.
Because someone was late.
Well, all right, but the important thing is I'm here now.
So I've got this.
Uh, no, you had this.
Now I've got this.
Instructor Ann called my maternal instincts inspirational.
Okay, coaches.
Remember to take mommy by the hand and breathe together.
I don't think I'm supposed to have two coaches.
She's right and I am her coach.
Okay, let's get started on some breathing.
And remember, the most important thing, eye contact with your partner.
Just look at me.
Hee hee hoo.
Don't look at him, look at me.
Hee hee hoo.
- Hee hee hoo.
- I'm getting confused.
I can't "hee" with her and "hoo" with him.
So just "hoo" with me and the hell with him.
Hee hee hoo.
I'm serious, Haskell, back off! Instructor Anne, we have a bully here! I'm not sure I've ever had to say this before, but there's no shoving in Lamaze.
Okay, look, folks, here's the deal.
Each mommy gets one partner, so knock off this crap and figure it out.
No one screws with my yelp rating.
You heard her, Haskell.
Eden, tell him to take off.
Eden? Sorry, Holly, he brought me here because you were nowhere to be found.
Again.
So you're choosing him over me? You heard her.
Buh-bye.
Fine.
I'll leave your precious Lamaze class.
But just so you know, all this hooing and heeing stuff is a scam.
When push comes to shove, you're gonna be begging for the hard stuff.
Can you do that any louder? Yeah.
You want to talk about it? - Nope.
- Neither do I.
- Good.
- Fine.
How could you choose Haskell over me? Look, I picked Haskell because At least he's been there for me.
Lately it seems like you don't even wanna be around.
Because all you do is yell at me.
Nothing I do makes you happy.
Of course nothing can make me happy.
I'm nine friggin' months pregnant! I mean, I'm cranky, I'm crampy, my back hurts, my feet are fat, my hands are fat, my fat is fat! What do you expect, you're nine months--beautiful.
Look, I know that I haven't exactly been the easiest person to live with.
Oh, sweetie, you have been a total pain in the ass.
I don't see you yelling at Haskell.
Well, that's because I can be myself with you.
You're like family.
Wait, so you're saying this whole time you've been bitching at me is because you love me? Yes, you moron.
I feel safe with you.
You should.
And from now on, I'm gonna be there with you no matter what.
Thanks, Holly.
Ooh, I have a surprise for you.
Look, I got you an entire case of Jones grape soda.
Yeah, I'm off that.
Kinda craving cream soda now.
Can you get that? Okay, I'll put it on the list.
I'm craving it now.
Why do I have to be so damn nurturing? Hey, Stuart, I gotta run to the office.
All right.
You sure you're gonna be okay being here alone with Chuck, you sexy beast? Okay, Phil, I get it.
Uptight suburban dork.
Hey, I'll be back in a couple hours.
Hey.
Hey.
Stay pretty.
- Oh, hey, Stuart.
- Hey, Chuck.
Listen, man, thank you for that tennis lesson.
Oh, no problem, buddy, no problem.
You okay there, Chuck? Yeah, I'm just doing some stretches my trainer taught me.
- Really helps get out the kinks.
- Yeah.
You get it in your shoulders, am I right? That's right, from leaning over my patients all day.
- How'd you know that? - I can tell by the way you carry yourself.
Let me guess.
The spot is right here.
Oh, God.
Yeah, wow, that's good.
That's really doing it for you, huh? - Yeah, it is.
- Ah.
Whoo, you are so tense.
And I got just the thing for it.
Hey.
Wow, you got your own massage table? You don't? I never go anywhere without this thing.
Or my scented body oils.
Here, help me set it up.
Oh, yeah, sure.
There it is.
- Now hop up.
- All right.
- How do you want me? - Face down.
Okay.
Now the first step to relaxing is to just, you know, clear your head and maybe keep an open mind.
Can do.
The thing about pain is its true source is never where you feel it.
- No? - Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It can travel through the whole body.
It can--it can start right here, right? And then it travels the meridians down to the buttocks.
Then down to your thighs.
Then back to the buttocks.
Then down to your feet.
Now guess what? All the way back to the buttocks.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
Hey, Chuck, listen I--I saw a picture of you in People magazine with Heidi Klum, you dog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
Listen You are tighter than I thought.
I think I'm gonna need to apply more pressure.
Okay.
You're blocking, Stuart.
You're blocking.
You gotta let me in.
Let me in! I'm trying, Chuck.
I'm really trying.
I'm not getting it.
I think I'm gonna have to flip you over and work you from the other side.
Okey dokey.
Now I'm guessing your shoulder tension is coming from your thighs, so don't fight me on this, okay? - No, of course not.
- Okay.
Upsy Daisy.
Heylisten.
Chuck.
Chuck, you wanna hear something silly? Yeah.
Yeah.
This morning, during our tennis lesson, I thought you were hitting on me.
That is silly.
Now pull me in.
You know, I forgot my-- So, uh, Chuck There something you wanna tell me? Yeah, your buddy's glutes are a mess.
How many years have we known each other? Um, 8? Yeah, when I first met you, you weren't even Asian you were just a goofy intern.
That's right, so if there was something you wanted to tell me orthe world, you know I'd be right there by your side.
Well, let's say, hypothetically, I did have something to share, which I'm not saying that I do, how would that affect my brand? Hypothetically, I can guarantee you that there are several companies out there interested in signing big deals with athletes who have something to share.
How big? We're talking cereal money.
I'm gay.
I got it.
Gay, gay, gay.
Okay.
- So we're cool.
- Cool.
Come on.
I gotta tell you, man, after all this time, I had no idea.
Yeah, nobody does.
I guess I just don't give off the vibe.
Oh, hey, uh, Chuck Feeney, this is my roommate, Haskell Lutz.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm gonna go pack.
- Okay.
So who's the gay guy?