The Proud Family (2001) s02e11 Episode Script

(Trudy)
Oscar, dinner is ready.
Oh, I’ll be eating
out tonight, Trudy.
Let me guess
you’re going to the game.
Judging by that outfit, my guess
would have been clown college.
Judging by your outfit,
I would have guessed
you’re going
to the Monster’s Ball. Ha ha!
-(doorbell)
-(chuckling)
Aah!
Thanks for the hot link. Now
Hook your boy up
with a cold drink, oh, oh, oh! ♪
Daddy, can I go to the game?
How can I put this politely?
Heck, no!
Oscar, why can’t you take
your daughter to the game?
Trudy, basketball
is a man’s sport.
Then explain the WNBA.
Like I said, it’s a man’s sport.
Have you seen those chicks?
They got more facial hair than Suga Mama.
Unh!
Thanks for the taters,
but next time
-(microphone feedback)
-Would you mind? ♪
Using a waiter when you bring
my food next time? ♪
Come on, Bobby, let’s roll.
Felix and Papi are waiting.
Why do you guys always
get to go to the games,
and the ladies don’t?
Those tickets are just as much Sunset’s
as they are Felix’s.
(laughter)
Oh, all righty.
Well, why don’t you just give Felix a call
and I’m sure he’d be glad
to give you and Sunset the tickets
so you ladies can go to the game.
OK, I will.
She’s just wasting her time.
Felix will never give those tickets up.
I hope you guys have fun,
because I know we will.
Yeah, we better go. We don’t want to miss
the opening kick-off.
(giggling)
Can you handle this? ♪
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell)
-They’ll make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
The Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you wanna
hug ’em ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family. ♪
Yee-ouch!
(crowd noises)
(organ playing)
Sunset, I cannot believe
that these seats
are so close to the 50-yard line.
Mama, in basketball,
it’s called half-court.
Trudy, even I knew that.
(gasps) What’s wrong
with you, Ump?
I can’t believe that referee
hasn’t flagged them for
dribbling with their hands!
Uh, Mrs. Boulevardez,
I think you’re confusing basketball
with soccer.
(giggling)
Can you handle this? ♪
(announcer)
We’re at the half,
and the score is:
the Wizard Kelly CEOs, 69,
and the New York
Knickerbockers, 43.
Hm, well, since this is
the seventh inning stretch,
let’s go grab something to eat.
We don’t have to leave our seats.
Call that waiter over there.
Mm-hm.
(clears throat)
Waiter! Garçon!
Excusez-moi!
May I help you, ladies?
We’d like to place an order.
I’m sure you would,
but I’m not the waiter.
I’m an usher.
Good. Then usher me a mocha latté
with cinnamon sprinkles.
(giggling)
(gasps)
Oh! Oh! Look, look! Ee!
-It’s Jack Nicholson!
-(Sunset) Jack Nicholson?!
(both at once) Mr. Nicholson! Biggest fan!
My favorite motion picture star!
(giggling)
Oh, baby brah, we should be
at the game, not the dames.
Why you telling me?
Tell Felix.
I can’t believe you gave
the women the tickets.
What kind of man
are you, Felix?
The same as you a man
who’s scared of his wife.
Hey, Papi, sounds like
those boys could use
a little cheese
with that whining. Ha ha!
(announcer)
beautiful Wiz Dome
Those of you in the arena
and at home,
stand by for an important message
from the man who built
the Wiz Dome
and everything else in this town
Wizard Kelly.
Have I ever told you guys the story
about how I shut the Wizard down
and almost won
the state championship
with that last shot?
Yeah, about a million times.
Man, that should be the Oscar Dome,
not the Wizard Dome.
Yeah, yeah, and you should be
living in a mansion,
married to Gingersnaps,
and the owner of the Wizard’s
many establishments,
bleah, bleah-bleah,
bleah-bleah
Well I should be!
But he took it all from me
my hopes, my dreams,
my girlfriend, Gingersnaps,
everything but you, Suga Mama
only thing I didn’t want.
That hurts, son
but not as bad as you hurt
when you missed that shot!
Ha ha ha!
He cri-i-i-ed like
Halle Berry at the Oscars, yo ♪
Quiet. The Wizard’s about to speak.
Who wants to listen to him?
-That should be me out th
-(all) Quiet!
Next weekend during
the all-star game, one lucky fan
will have a chance to take
a shot from half court
for a million, y’all!
Now, I know what you’re thinking:
-"Wizard?"
-Huh?
"Half court is a long way
to shoot a basketball."
So, the Wizard’s going
to make it easy on you.
Tonight’s lucky winner
can pick whoever they want
to take the shot for them
from one of our many NBA all-stars,
to a friend or family member.
It’s all a part of Wizard Kelly
Enterprises
giving back to the community
that has given so much to him.
Now it’s time to pick
our lucky winner.
Will the person sitting in section 109,
row A,
seat 27, please, come on down!
Trudy, look.
Penny, it’s you!
Me?
Yeah, girl.
You won the contest!
(screaming)
(groaning)
(LaCienega) So, Penny, which all-star
are you gonna pick to take the shot?
Girl, I don’t know.
Ooh, which one is single?
Excuse me?
I-I-I mean, which one is the
single best player in the league?
-(car horn)
-(brakes screech)
Daddy? What the
Oh, girl. "Daddy’s" too formal.
Just call me "Oscar." Get in.
Where are we going?
Wherever you want to go,
’cause you’re Daddy’s little girl.
(hip-hop music plays)
This ride’s
for Penny, y’all ♪
Now back that thing up ♪
A brother’s gotta haul ♪
Don’t wait up for us.
Oscar!
Ow!
So, baby girl, what do you want to do?
Just name it anything at all.
(laughter)
-Thank you, Daddy.
-You’re welcome, baby girl.
Just remember, you can
always count on your dad
to hit the long shot for you.
Excuse me, Mr. Proud,
could you hit the FM button?
We need some music up in here.
No problem.
(screams)
Wow! That’s freaky, dude.
(screams)
(roars)
Aah!
Daddy, what are you doing here?
I just wanted to make sure
that you have enough popcorn.
And who’s the young man?
Daddy, I’m not on a date.
Really? Well, you should be.
But you said I couldn’t date
till I was 16.
16, 14, what’s the difference?
The important thing
is that you’re happy.
So, what would you like?
Soda? Candy?
Salisbury steak? Heh heh.
(sighs)
(Trudy)
Oh, Penny, hold on, baby.
We need you to watch the twins.
But I’m meeting my friends
at the mall!
Trudy, she is right.
We are taking advantage
of Penny.
The twins aren’t her kids,
they’re our kids.
Now, run along, baby girl,
and take Daddy’s credit card,
and buy something pretty.
Oh, thanks, Dad.
You know you’re my
million dollar baby!
I don’t mind the gifts, the dating,
the limousine.
the new clothes,
the maid for my bedroom.
It’s just that I’m starting to lose
All respect for him?
And he’s doing all this so you’ll
let him take that shot for you?
It’s the only thing it could be.
-Why else would he
-Hey, Penny!
I got your lunch for you!
bring me my lunch?
Daddy, can I talk to you for a moment?
Sure, baby girl.
What do you need?
Money? A ride?
Help with your homework?
No, Daddy! Space!
The final frontier, you Klingon!
Oh, OK.
I didn’t mean to crowd you.
I was just hoping that you would
pick me for that shot?
Now, before you say no,
you should know
that your Daddy used to be
a big-time baller,
and I guarantee I won’t miss.
And furthermore, I want you to know
that no matter what you say,
I’m still going to be
that same old fun-loving,
do-anything-to-make-his-daughter-happy
pappy.
So, what do you say?
You gonna give your old man
a shot at the shot?
No.
Give me that tray!
And you are grounded!
Nice try, Jason.
My peeps will be in touch
with your peeps, OK?
Oh, I think you ought to pick
white chocolate, Penny.
He’s kind of cute.
They don’t give you a million dollars
for being cute, Dijonay.
And if they did,
I’d be the richest girl in town.
Not!
OK, who’s next?
(giggles)
Sorry, Vince, you’ve got
to shoot the rock, not dunk it.
You just said half-court, dawg.
Next!
(grumbling)
Come on, Shaq.
We talked about this, big fella.
Just step away from the ball.
Next!
Hey, Kobe.
(speaking Italian) How about
me and you getting together
over a passion fruit smoothie?
That sounds good.
My wife loves passion fruit.
Oh, you roll like that.
Call me when you're single.
Bro!
Dijonay, I didn’t know
you spoke Italian.
I was speaking Italian?
All right, Kobe,
let’s see what you got.
Left hand or right hand?
You can kick it in if you want,
as long as it goes in.
No problem.
-(whistling) "Sweet Georgia Brown"
-Eyes closed.
Behind the back.
No hands.
-(screams)
-(giggles)
Anything else?
No, I think that should about do it.
You’ve got the job.
(speaking Italian)
(strange man)
Not so fast, little baby bubba.
You got one more!
It’s time to get it funky
with the Big "O."
What say, Bobby? ♪
Are you ready
for Big "O," y’all? ♪
To take it to the hole,
y’all? ♪
Shoot it from the corner, child ♪
Corner, child ♪
Got the three pointer shot, baby ♪
Take them to the hole,
Big "O" ♪
(Big "O")
That’s right and gettin’ funky with it ♪
Bobby and his brother,
Big "O," ♪
Gonna play some basketball,
y’all ♪
Heh heh heh
You better watch yourself, baby,
’cause I’m about to shoot that
three point shot, honey.
Ho, ho, ho.
It’s looking good!
It feel good!
It look good!
What’s up, player?
It’s the Big "O," baby.
You know me, man.
We balled together.
-Where?
-Uh, summer league, Rucker Park.
Venice Beach playground.
You know me, superstar.
We can do this.
Uh, who do you play with?
I play all over, baby.
NBA, CBA, ABC, CBS, NBC,
and AARP.
I’m out there balling, baby.
Ask my man, Kobe. He know me.
I’ve never seen that dude
in my life.
I’ve never seen an afro
that big in my life.
Sorry, Big "O."
Come on, let a brother do his thing.
I’ve come a long way, baby.
Penny, give him a chance.
What’s the harm?
Besides, it’ll give us time
to call security.
Thank you, Zoey.
Um, I mean, young lady
uh, whom I’ve never met before.
When that jock sank,
we headed to the bank ♪
About to get paid, y’all, huh.
I’m about to get paid, y’all.
Be counting the dollars.
Okay, "O," you’ve got one shot.
Half-court.
No problem.
Where I come from,
that’s a free throw, baby.
Let me just get out of my sweats.
Hey, Penny. that guy wearing those
hot pants looks like your
Daddy?
Excuse me, young lady,
I’m not your daddy.
Any further accusations
will be handled by my attorney.
Oops.
Look, Penny, I can explain!
I’m doing this for you.
A million dollars
is a lot of money.
You need somebody you can
trust to make that shot.
Somebody you know
is gonna come through.
Kobe?
And you were saying, Daddy?
Can I have a word with you
for a moment?
Talking like a monkey, child ♪
Now, look, Penny, I’m your father,
and I’m not going
to beg you, but
Please, please, please!
Let me take that shot!
Daddy, stop it.
You’re embarrassing me.
Let me take that shot!
Why is this so important to you, Daddy?
It’s a long story, baby girl,
filled with heartache and pain.
You might have seen the movie
based on this story:
-Love and Basketball.
-What?!
You see, back in the day,
your pops was a legendary ballplayer.
I was having the game of my life.
I was matching the Wizard
point for point.
He’d score, I’d score.
I’d score, he’d score.
I could do no wrong, And my girl,
Gingersnaps, she was cheering me on.
Everybody was cheering me on.
Well, except for Suga Mama,
of course.
Wizard, you let him score
like that on you?!
He can’t play!
I don’t know why
we call her Suga Mama.
There ain’t nothing sweet
about her.
Anyway, where was I?
Let me set the table.
It was tie score with ten seconds left
in the State Championship game.
They inbound the ball to Wizard
but I used my old Oscar Proud
now-you-see-me,
now-you-don’t move.
The Wizard never saw me coming.
I stole the ball and his keys.
Unfortunately, the Wizard drove
a hookey back in those days.
In any case,
time was ticking.
There was five seconds left
as I streaked for the basket.
The Wizard caught me at half-court.
I double-pumped,
faked him out his shorts.
Now the only thing between me
and destiny was the Wizard’s drawers.
I elevated a shot.
It was a perfect, pretty shot.
I knew it was going in
the moment it left my hand.
And what happened next
was an X-Files case.
The ball hit the back
of the rim and flew,
like it had money on the game,
ninety-four feet to the other
end into the Wizard’s basket.
And the rest is, as they say, history.
The Wizard went on to become
an eight-time NBA all-star,
a renowned businessman
and philanthropist, and a very rich man.
And me? I’m sitting here
in hot pants begging for a shot.
So, you see, Penny,
by letting me take that shot,
you’re giving me a chance
to redeem myself.
A chance to say,
"I could’ve been somebody."
What do you say, baby?
(sniffling)
That’s the saddest story
I’ve ever heard, Mr. Proud.
Now I understand the strange
flavor in your snacks
it’s pain and disappointment.
It’s amazing you get up
every day.
(Bobby)
Let’s go, bro.
It’s time for
the million dollar shot, yo ♪
-I’m not going!
-Come on, Oscar.
Don’t you want to support Penny?
I already do that!
-(glass shattering)
-Daddy, please?
I can’t do it without you.
-Will you let me take that shot?
-No.
Oh, stop begging, boy.
He always wants attention.
He’s been doing that all his life.
"Mama, I want drink of water."
"Mama, help me with my homework."
"Mama, I’m stuck in a well."
Boy’s always whining.
I never appreciated that time
in that well until now, Mama.
Come on, Daddy.
Do it for me.
Nope! Just remember:
When Kobe misses that shot,
this is what you could’ve had.
-(glass shattering)
-Ow!
-Ha ha ha ha!
-(Trudy) Come on, Penny.
We don’t want to be late.
(Suga Mama)
Whoa, ha ha!
(announcer)
It’s half-time at the all-star game,
and the local lass, Penny Proud,
is about to pick the person
to shoot the shot
for one million dollars.
And now, the man who pays
my check,
Wizard Kelly.
Penny Proud, this
is the moment of truth.
Everybody in the arena and at home
wants to know
who you gonna pick to shoot
that million dollar shot.
Who will it be?
An NBA all-star?
A friend?
A family member?
Someone in the crowd?
The Wizard himself?
Now, take your time.
You don’t want to blow this shot
like your daddy did
in the State Championship
20 years ago,
which basically led to a life of
underachievement and mediocrity.
Uh, let me roll the footage.
That’s my boy.
Heh heh heh!
Thanks for the support, Mama!
Thanks for the support!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, man! Well, Penny, now that
we’ve had a good laugh,
who are you picking?
-(microphone feedback)
-The Big "O"!
My hero? Oscar Robertson?
-No. My daddy, Oscar Proud!
-(crowd) Aw!
Oh, you mean the Little "O,"
the zero, the "oh-no."
No, I mean my daddy, the Big "O."
Yes, I was wondering if I can
get a one-way ticket to, uh
Heck, I don’t care.
Just make sure it’s a place
nobody goes or likes to visit.
Cleveland?
Great.
Name? Oscar Proud.
Daddy, hurry up and get down here
and take the shot.
I’m sorry for not
believing in you.
Daddy!
(Wizard) Well, I believe
if he’s not here in 15 seconds
you forfeit a chance
for a million dollars.
And the Wizard counts by fives.
Five.
Ten.
Fif
Give me the ball, Wizard.
-(crowd cheers)
-Daddy, you made it!
Ha ha ha!
I told you I’m always here
for you, baby girl.
Step aside, Wizard.
After I make this shot,
you’re going to realize just
how lucky you were 20 years ago.
How really lucky you were.
Penny, don’t let him do it!
You go, baby!
No matter what, Daddy,
you’re my hero.
(chanting)
Oscar! Oscar!
(crowd chants)
Oscar! Oscar!
Get ready for Big "O,"
y’all ♪
Oh, heck.
If you can’t beat ’em
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
(drumroll)
(gasps)
(crowd cheers)
Big "O," Big "O." ♪
Yay! I did it!
I did it!
Yes, you did, Daddy!
Thanks for believing in me, baby girl.
I love you.
I love you, too, Daddy.
(Wizard) Well, this is the moment
I thought we would never see,
but I’ve got to admit it,
you did it, Oscar Proud.
You’ve shown us how life
is but a series of near misses.
If you hadn’t missed that shot
20 years ago,
I would be you and you would me.
Whoo-ooh-whoo!
I get the willies
just thinking about that.
Note to self: Self?
Huh?
Call Keenen. Got an idea
for Scary Movie 3.
Wizard, will you stop babbling
and give me my money?
I mean our money?
I have it right here.
I’d like to present to Penny Proud
a check in the amount
of one million Wizard dollars.
Wizard dollars? What the?
What are you talking about?
That’s okay, Daddy.
They’re good at all
the Wizard’s many establishments.
We can get TVs, cars, boats
Uh, au contraire,
young Penny Proud.
If you read the fine print, you’ll see
you can only use these Wizard dollars
towards the purchase of a Wizard Kelly
three-flavors ice cream cone,
or, if you prefer, Wizard Kelly’s
famous Salisbury steak
and popping corn
at any Wizard Kelly
theater complex nationwide,
excluding Monday through Wednesdays
and weekends.
Bye, y’all.
He got me again!
Maybe not, Daddy.
Today is Thursday.
I’d like to invite everyone here
in the Wiz Dome
to Wizard Kelly’s three-flavors Ice Cream.
It’s on the Proud family, y’all!
Oh, get ready
for Big "O," y’all. ♪
"O" gonna go
to the hole, y’all ♪