The Suite Life on Deck (2008) s02e11 Episode Script

Hey, guys.
Woody, why are you eating an onion? More importantly, why are you wearing my 85-year-old Uncle's golf outfit? Because we're about to enter the Bermuda triangle.
And? This is my Bermuda triangle protective outfit-- Bermuda shorts, Bermuda onion.
According to the website wild-weird-and-wacky, they will keep me protected from being abducted by aliens when we enter the Bermuda triangle.
You're not going to get abducted by girls either.
Woody, there's no such things as aliens.
They're just elves that uneducated people mistake for beings from outer space.
I'm not gonna take any chances.
More ships have disappeared in the Bermuda triangle than any other place in the world.
These waters are cursed-- cursed, I tell you! Okay, Woody, there are other explanations for all the disappearances.
For a fact, this is one of the most highly traveled shipping lanes in the world.
So statistically it makes sense that more ships would meet with an untimely fate.
Plus there are rogue waves.
Fluctuations in the earth's magnetic core.
I'm sticking with aliens.
Elves.
Whatever.
I didn't expect you guys to believe me anyway, so I took precautions to make sure I wasn't gonna be alone when you're all abducted and probed.
Hey, guys, check this out.
Kanye west sent me this gift basket filled with cool shorts and onions.
See? You know kanye too? Yeah, we're cousins.
I'm kanye east.
Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows - we say - hey-ho, let's go! - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - oh ay oh - ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - oh ay oh - rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! Boys, I've been looking for you.
Whatever you think I did, I didn't.
And I have the perfect alibi for it.
I'm sure you do, but that's not why I'm here.
I have an envelope from your parents.
Oh, cool.
It's an early birthday card from mom and dad.
Aww, mom wrote us a poem.
"Your birthday is here and I'm really beaming.
Giving birth to you boys was worth all the screaming.
That is so mom-- heartfelt with a touch of guilt.
Yes, she screamed when you were born, and I've been screaming ever since.
Just think, only a few more days till we turn 16, the big one-six, the Grande uno sixto.
Hey, they sent a check.
It's for $200.
Oh, twin Benjamins, deuce bagel bagel, dos bagelo bagelo.
Shut up-o already-o.
I know just what to spend this on.
So do I.
The z-box 8000 game system with biofeedback wireless controllers that actually make it hurt when you get shot.
Or we could spend the money on something less mind-numbing and painful, like the Galileo intelescope with the 102mm e.
D.
Refractor.
Oh, you mean the geekileo dorkoscope with the 2mm nerdfractor? Look, we're getting the telescope, and you can amuse yourself with a pan and a wooden spoon.
Or you can see all the stars you want after I give you a black eye.
Now give me that check.
We're getting the telescope.
Game console.
Great, you ripped the check.
Me? You ripped it.
You know what I want for my birthday? To be an only child.
Nothing would make me happier.
( People screaming ) That was weird.
It's the aliens.
We're caught in their tractor beam.
Marcus, do you believe in aliens? Nope, I just like onions.
All, right, Woody, relax.
There's nothing weird or supernatural happening on this ship.
Ugh.
That wind slammed the kitchen door on my souffl.
Oh, Zack, Zack, Zack.
You always get so worked up over your cooking.
It's only food.
Only food? Is it only air that we breathe, only blood that courses through our veins? Woody, would you please get your hot links you call fingers out of my souffl? Haven't you heard of a fork? I'm the youngest of nine.
I learned to grab first and worry about utensils later.
Of course you wouldn't know, being an only child.
Give me this.
I want to get this recipe right before my birthday soiree.
I hope you can come, Bailey.
I used my mother's birthday check to hire vance and the violin vagabonds.
They're going to raise the roof.
Holler.
Sure, Zack.
I wouldn't miss it.
La-ame.
Excuse me? He said, "we hope there'll be ga-ames.
" Oh, of course.
We're gonna play "pin the tail on the alpaca.
" Moseby, I was putting on eyeshadow when the boat shook.
I think the captain hit the Bermuda tricycle.
Triangle.
Right, the tricycle triangle.
Look, be careful with that.
Zack made it for me on his loom.
What a lovely young man.
Hey, sweet thang.
Actually, I'm rich thang.
May I help you? I'm Cody.
I'm a new student here and I'm having a little trouble finding my room, which I hope is next to yours.
Moseby.
Young man, we have strict rules that boys and girls do not room on the same deck.
Pfft.
The only rule I follow is the rule that there are no rules.
And sometimes I don't even follow that rule.
Yeah, it's confusing, but that's how I roll.
- 'Sup? - ( Grunts ) I'm your new lab partner Cody.
But you can call me c-note.
Well, Mr.
note, it appears you have spilled blue dye on my cashmere sweater, and I just knitted this.
Quick question-- you're a dude, right? Look, I don't know how you were raised, though I fear wolves were involved, but I was raised by my mother.
And she taught me to take responsibility for myself and show respect to others.
Well, I was raised on the road with my dad and his rock band-- eight guys in a bus with one bathroom.
I learned to fend for myself, and pee in some pretty strange places.
Well, I'm gonna talk to Mr.
ockapenny about this lab partner situation.
Fine.
Go ahead.
I need to hit the bathroom.
Rats.
These banana slices aren't even.
Zack, it's fine.
No, it's not.
It looks like it was done by a three-year-old with safety scissors.
Part of the fruity drink enjoyment is the visual aesthetic of the fruit.
Just once I'd like to get my drink without the speech.
Yeah, that's why I just swallow my own spit.
Zack, is everything okay? You seem a little agitated.
Yeah, it's that new kid-- Cody.
He's rude, crude, and I won't even tell you what he did with my test tube.
I saw him in the hall.
I think he kind of looks like you.
Yeah, if I had a bad case of stupid.
I'm sure he's a nice kid.
We just have to give him a chance.
I'm here.
Your lives just got better.
Hi, I'm Woody.
And this is Marcus.
Hey, nice to meet you.
I know.
Could you move over a bit? You're blocking the view.
( Coughs ) Jerk.
Meanie.
( Clears throat ) Good timing.
So, loom boy, introduce me to the skirt.
The girl in the skirt can introduce herself.
I'm Bailey, and you must be Cody.
Or you can call me the guy you've been waiting for.
You're not him.
One day I hope to find a fella who's got a soft heart but is tough enough to work the land-- and moving on.
I'm going to hit on those girls at the hot tub.
But stay close in case it doesn't work out.
Still blocking the view.
You see? His manners are deplorable.
I hope you don't invite him to your birthday party.
No way.
Oh, and good news-- we're gonna have balloons shaped like famous figures from European history, including lady godiva.
Oh.
Will there be any girls there that won't float away? Oh, he's coming back.
Nobody mention my birthday party.
Struck out? Apparently those girls don't like good-looking, masculine types.
Zack, you might have a shot over there.
So what are we talking about? Zack's birthday party.
Oops.
Really? My birthday's coming up too.
I'm going to be 16 this Saturday.
Really? So will I.
Where were you born? Seattle.
So was I.
What hospital? St.
Joseph's.
So was I.
- What time? - 6:40.
I was born at 6:30.
Whoa, for a second there it was getting a little spooky.
It still is spooky.
You look alike.
You were born in the same place at the same time.
Do you know what this means? You two must be-- aliens! No, twins.
Both: Twins? Twin aliens! - Bye, mom.
- Bye, dad.
- Bye, dad.
- Bye, mom.
How can mom not tell me I have a twin? Quit complaining.
Look what I got.
I mean, how could they do this? Dad said when they got divorced they split everything.
Mom got you and the matching luggage.
And dad got me and the amplifier.
Mom said they always meant to get us together, but it never happened.
I just can't believe I have a twin.
I mean, we're nothing alike.
I'm cool.
You're nerdy.
I'm tough.
You're weak.
I'm good-looking.
You're Ugh.
I look just like you.
But on you it doesn't work.
Ignoring that.
Since we are brothers, I guess we should start hanging out.
Do you want to see my coin collection? As tempting as that sounds, I've got a better idea.
I say we hit up the Neptune club-- el clubo neptuno.
That's 18 and over.
Don't sweat it.
According to my license I'm-- I mean, we're 23.
Your middle name is "thunder"? Cool.
Then I'll be "lightning bolt.
" More like lightning dolt.
Goodness, these ripped jeans sure are breezy.
Now that you look like a dude instead of a dork, let's go find us some dates.
Oh, I already have somebody.
It's Bailey.
You're dating that babe? Well, I will be.
I have a six-month plan to woo her.
How many months has it been? Nine.
Right, well, how about until that works out, we find us some college girls in the club? I don't know.
I'm not really good at talking to girls.
Look, just remember, you're in charge.
Picture yourself as a hungry jungle cat, and that girl over there is a deer with a limp.
Actually, jungle cats and deer are not indigenous to the same area.
Maybe an impala would better suit that metaphor or an African pygmy goat-- uh Just show her you're an animal.
Now give me a growl.
( Growls, gags ) I swallowed my breath mint.
I'll handle the growling.
Now let's go save us an injured deer.
The mint is back.
Whoa.
I swear that was my trucker's license.
I don't think he bought it, thunder.
Either way, thanks for the most exhilarating night of my life.
We were only in there for 15 minutes.
And you were in the bathroom for 10 of them.
Still, I did get to talk to a college girl.
You helped her with her math.
I know.
She held my calculator.
I never had so much fun multiplying with anyone.
( Alarm beeps ) Oh.
It's 8:30 on a school night.
We should probably hit the sack.
Not so fast.
There are parties all over this boat.
I don't know.
I'm not really a party kind of guy.
Who knew you could have this much fun on a cruise ship? Everyone but you.
Ol.
Ay, cinco! Okay, we're all agreed that Zack's souffl thing is lame, right? Beyond lame.
Pizza says party.
Souffl says ( Snores ) Okay, so let's throw him a surprise party instead.
That way he can't nerd it up.
Ooh, I love surprise parties.
But don't tell me about it because I want to be surprised.
La la la la la la.
Maybe we can-- maybe we can convince Mr.
moseby to let us use the sky deck for Zack's surprise party.
That would be good.
But what do we do about his evil twin Cody? Throw him out the sewage flap.
But that's mean.
It's his 16th birthday too.
You're right.
We'll sing "Happy Birthday," give him some cake, then throw him out the sewage flap.
Bailey: Look,with no regardthat Cody for anyone else's feelings.
But he is Zack's brother, and since Zack is our friend, we owe it to him to try to tolerate Cody.
Can you guys speak up? I can't hear a word you're saying.
Wow, this is like little headphones without the music.
Oh, come on, it's our birthday.
Turn that frown upside down Or not.
( Phone chirps ) It's another "Happy Birthday" text.
This one's from my weaving club, the loomatics.
Wow, that's the 12th one just since you've stepped into the elevator.
You probably don't get good reception out at sea.
Yeah, I'm sure that's it.
So why do you think moseby wanted to see us on the sky deck? He probably heard about our flamenco dance and wanted to see our tango.
( Elevator dings, doors open ) Okay, guys, get ready.
All: Happy Birthday, Zack! And Cody! ( Weakly ) Cody! Wow, thanks guys.
This is amazing.
We thought it might be a little more festive than just a dinner.
Not that your idea was lame.
It was lame.
Happy Birthday, man.
Okay.
And we did incorporate some of your ideas.
Say bonjour to Napoleon balloon-aparte.
He is awesome.
And this looks like my lower intestines.
Thanks, guys.
I'm so touched.
I'll get you a tissue.
Hypoallergenic, please.
Hey, Bailey, I gotta ask you a question.
If this is one of your cheesy pickup lines, why don't we skip to the point where I slap you? Well, I just wanted your opinion on what I should get Zack for his birthday.
Wait, what? I wanted to get Zack something special for his loom, but I'm not exactly sure what a loom is.
You're serious? Yeah, I seriously don't know what a loom is.
No, I mean, you really want to do something nice for your brother? Of course.
I mean, not only is he my twin, but he's not a bad guy.
Must be why he has so many good friends like you.
Are we having a moment? Maybe so.
No, we can't.
You may not know this, but Zack has a huge crush on you.
Believe me, I know it.
For the past nine months he's been baking me heart-shaped cookies, and not your classic Valentine's day hearts.
No, I'm talking four chambers and an aorta.
Psst.
You see those two girls over there? They want to date me.
They saw me flamencoing and apparently they think I'm hot.
Way to go, tiger.
Grrr! Bailey, look, I know we had something going, but I just can't tie myself down to one girl.
A lot of chicks want a crack at the Zack.
I'll try to get over it.
Thanks to you, I have a date every night of this week, except Thursday.
That's loom club.
Come on, everyone.
Ha-- it's the alien tractor beam again.
Where's my onion? Look, I know you guys still aren't speaking, but it's your birthday.
And all your friends want you to have a good time.
Actually, for some weird reason, I'm not that mad anymore.
Me neither.
In fact, I've never felt closer to you.
Same here.
I love you, man.
I love you too.
Come here.
I love you, London.
I love me too.
Happy Birthday, boys.
Here's a check.
Mr.
moseby, you shouldn't have.
Well, I didn't.
This is a replacement check from your parents.
Oh, that's nice.
And I know exactly what we're going to get.
Me too.
- Your game console.
- Your telescope.
No no no, I insist we get your game console.
No no, nothing would make me happier than getting you your telescope.
Look, as sweet as that is, we're getting your stupid game console.
No, we're getting your boring telescope.
- Game console.
- Telescope.
I'll call your parents.
Good thing they didn't buy you a Picasso.
( Theme music playing )