The West Wing s02e11 Episode Script
The Leadership Breakfast
Previously on The West Wing: Hard as you might try, the Republican Party isn't going anywhere.
You don't know that.
They could all move to Vancouver.
-I don't think so.
-Me neither.
But everybody else can take a seat for four years.
You have posttraumatic stress disorder.
Well, that doesn't sound Iike something they'd Iet you have if you work for the president.
This president was elected with 48 percent of the vote.
-But he was elected.
-Without a mandate.
The majority of the people voted for somebody else.
We don't need some kind of permission for this? Shouldn't there be some official supervision? We' re making a fire in a fireplace.
What supervision do you want? FEMA, the American Red Cross? -What kind of wood is this? -I don't know.
-Josh-- -It's freezing in here.
-I acknowledge that it's cold.
-It's Iike Ice Station Zebra.
-It also might bother someone.
-It's half past midnight.
See, here's the thing.
This Iooks Iike spruce to me.
Spruce is softwood.
Softwood burns out quickly.
-You know what we need? -A hardwood? -That's right.
-Interesting.
-Where did you get the wood? -It was sitting in the thing.
I think that is meant to be decorative.
It's wood.
We're not burning Benjamin Harrison's Iog cabin.
-You know what? We might be.
-Why? It was made out of spruce.
-Where's C.
J.
? -In the Roosevelt Room.
Is she doing the seating chart? Jancowitz has a hearing aid that seldom works.
He needs to be seated near the center.
Would you tell her that? You' re not using Iighter fluid or anything, are you? No flammable Iiquids of any kind to start a fire, ever.
-Found it.
-What? -Kerosene.
-Josh.
Go.
Speaker.
House majority, House minority.
Senate majority, Senate minority.
-Whip, whip, deputy, deputy.
-Right.
Then the committee chairs.
Ways and Means here.
Finance here.
House Appropriations here.
Senate Appropriations, House Budget.
-Senate Budget.
-Excellent.
-Which brings us to? -White House staff.
-So we've got the chief of staff.
-Next to him the deputy chief of staff.
On the other side of Leo will be the congressional and political Iiaison.
Next, the communications director and deputy communications director.
-Staff aides? -They'II stand around the wall.
-So we' re done? -We' re set.
-C.
J.
? -Don't give me a thing.
Jancowitz has to sit closer to the center.
-Why? -He doesn't hear well.
-He can't sit closer.
-His hearing aid malfunctions.
It's a breakfast to trumpet a new spirit of bipartisan cooperation in the new year.
-No one will be Iistening.
-I' m a messenger.
-He's saying don't snub him.
-Because of the thing.
AII right, ask him if it's better to dis the House whip or the Senate whip.
You wanna stand them in a tripod, right? Yeah, standing three sticks on end and slanting them to a common center.
-Isn't that a tripod? -But-- You just thought you'd say more words? Josh.
Hang on.
You know what we need? -Dried Ieaves? -We need dried Ieaves.
We gotta move either the House or the Senate whip.
-House.
-Why? Because Iife is tough.
And if he doesn't Iike it, he can kiss me.
So the spirit of bipartisanship begins? Could you possibly get us some dried Ieaves? I'II just run out to the forest and be right back.
-You know what? -You think she was being sarcastic? Yeah, I don't think she's getting the Ieaves.
-You know what we could use? -Newspaper.
This is what I'm talking about.
This is teamwork.
It really is.
-House.
-House? So we move the House whip to the Ieft of Sam and move Jancowitz across from Leo, and we're set, right? Larry, Ed, we' re set? Either one of you? Thank you.
You see? You thought it would take a Iong time, and it only took 7 1 /2 hours.
-Somebody working on the heat? -Seating's set.
-That took some time.
-It was hard.
You gotta find a Magic Marker.
When people sit with the president, there's excruciating protocol involved.
-What? -Missed one.
-Who? -T ake a Iook.
-I' m Iooking.
-It'II happen.
Okay, guys? You know what we did? -We forgot the president.
-There it is.
Does anybody smell smoke? Oh, God.
I think this might be because the wood is wet.
The fire ought to dry it pretty quick, shouldn't it? What did you do? -It's going good.
-There's smoke in the hallways.
-What the hell's going on? -The wood's drying out.
-Are you burning a dining-room table? -Spruce is a slow-drying wood.
Do you have any idea what you're talking about? -Hang on.
-Are those instructions? It says this fireplace was a "favorite of President Andrew Johnson" and he would "sip whiskey from a charcoal keg while reading by its Iight.
" That doesn't help.
The flue's been welded shut since 1 896.
-That's probably it.
-What are you doing? Somebody started a fire.
If the alarms go off, I gotta wake the president.
The president's 1 000 yards over and two flights up.
It's procedure.
Well, Iet's get a fire extinguisher and put it out before the smoke alarm-- -What? -Mr.
President.
You know how you said not to wake you unless there was a fire? -These are the rules.
-They' re the guidelines.
The meeting will Iast 90 minutes.
-And the rules-- -Guidelines.
We can't talk about the Patients' Bill of Rights? We can talk about it.
We just can't talk about dropping the provision that would allow for Iitigation.
-Why not? -That's not what the breakfast is for.
-What's it for? -T o symbolize a spirit of cooperation as the new session begins and to eat pancakes.
So on the Patients' Bill of Rights, we'II just debate the things we agree on.
-And minimum wage? -We won't be talking about that at all.
No, because it could Iead to something.
-We can't talk about the Patients' Bill? -We can.
Just not about dropping the no-Iitigation clause.
Why have rights if you can't sue for them? -Fine argument.
-But we won't make it? -Not at this breakfast.
-And minimum wage? Not so much.
I see we won't be talking about the 993 tax cut.
We won't be, but we've agreed to call it tax relief instead of a tax cut.
We'II call it tax relief? -But we won't be talking about it.
-Leo, the Patients' Bill of Rights-- Which we'II call the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act.
What's the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act? It's the Patients' Bill of Rights, but the C.
A.
R.
A.
was introduced in 1 999.
It's the same thing.
The Republicans will discuss changing the name back.
In exchange for calling tax breaks "tax relief"? -Or income enhancement.
-I'm in a musical.
Getting it renamed is a hell of a concession.
-I'm gonna check in with you, okay? -Sure.
Sick people who don't get proper medical care, because they can't afford it don't care if we've agreed to change the bill's name.
We agreed to discuss changing it.
-After that? -Security briefing.
-After that? -Agriculture.
Who set off the smoke alarm Iast night? It sounds a Iot Iike you' re talking about Sam, Mr.
President.
Were you inconvenienced? They had me on the T ruman Balcony in my underwear.
-Was it cold? -In January? No, why do you ask? I'd Iike to talk about those rules in that memo you're reading.
It's a pancake breakfast, T oby.
There's nothing that's important.
We're having Vermont maple syrup? If you read item four, you'II see time at this breakfast will be spent discussing calling the Patients' Bill of Rights the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act.
I don't care if it's called the Monroe Doctrine.
What the hell are we doing serving Vermont maple syrup? On the minimum wage, in item five of the Rules for Bipartisan Breakfast-- Guidelines.
You keep calling them rules.
Margaret, what does it say at the top? -" Rules for bipartisan breakfast.
" -I keep meaning to fire you.
New Hampshire syrup is what we serve in this White House.
It's a breakfast.
We eat.
We pose for pictures, do a postgame conference.
Everybody gets out, and I don't have to be Officer Krupke.
-Anything else? -An OMB efficiency expert has said we can free up space by moving the press room across the street.
What else? -Thank you.
-Thank you.
Josh.
You feeling all right? You sure? You don't mind me asking? Because I'm gonna ask you once a day, okay? You just asked me four times in the Iast 1 0 seconds.
Go to Ben and Sally's for dinner tonight.
Are you going? Was I invited? Are Ben and Sally asking for me? They'd rather you didn't come but they'II do me a favor, and I need you to do me one too.
What's at Ben and Sally's? Karen Cahill.
And what stupid-ass Irish thing did you say to Karen Cahill that you now need me to apologize for at Ben and Sally's, Iike a Iittle girl? Let me tell you what was surprising about that moment.
I said that only 1 2 hours after you were very cool about my almost accidentally setting the building on fire.
I made a joke about her shoes.
I' m sorry? I made a remark about her shoes.
-You' re the second most powerful man.
-And she writes for The New York Times.
Who knows what relationship women have with shoes.
What could you possibly have said? It was perfectly benign to anyone who doesn't take shoes that seriously.
Just tell her I Iove her and that I' m sorry.
-And I'II take her shoe shopping.
-Why don't you tell her? If someone else tells her, it seems Iike I was thoughtful enough to mention it.
If I tell her, it makes me seem feminine.
You don't think the shoe shopping's gonna take care of that? Let's call the insurance company and see how much water damage is in the Mural Room.
You needn't wave a stick.
-I am totally there for you.
-Thank you.
-Can I get Sam to do it? -Fine.
Anything else? This is about what they say after the meeting, so Iet's decide what they'II say.
-It'II be simple enough.
-Like what? We appreciate the president's invitation and welcome him to bipartisanship.
I'II end the press conference.
-You'II welcome him to bipartisanship? -What's wrong? I think C.
J.
is objecting to the implication that we got there first.
How about we all agree on a need for a renewed spirit of bipartisanship.
The meeting was positive? Friendly, frank and productive? Our goals can be met under the president's Ieadership-- -No way.
-What's the problem? I think what my aide is objecting to is the implication it's the president's Ieadership under which our goals will be met.
The meeting was positive, friendly, frank and productive.
With a spicy bouquet that suggests a fine merlot.
Press will be at the northwest entrance.
If we' re done at 1 0:30 majority Ieader will speak, the minority Ieader then C.
J.
will answer questions in the briefing room.
If all goes well-- -Why in the briefing room? -It's where I brief.
The majority Ieader's briefing first and outside.
You' re doing it Iast, in back of a podium and in front of a big picture of the White House.
The majority Ieader will be in front of the White House.
He'II be on the Capitol steps.
T raditionally, it's in front of the White House.
T raditionally, the person in my job has cared what's traditional.
The president won't wanna end a bipartisan breakfast with Republicans speaking from one place and Dem-- The majority Ieader won't stand at a cardboard podium in your front yard while you stand in the White House briefing room, and with good reason.
-Which is? -They' re not on equal footing.
Our bosses? I don't think they are either.
The majority Ieader will brief outside.
If he wants to skip breakfast there'II be more pancakes for us, and my press room can write about why.
Well, you can't blame a girl for trying.
-You need me? -Can I borrow her for a moment? We'II wait.
-These rules are crap.
-The guidelines? -We're working with C.
J.
now.
-I don't care who speaks in what order.
I'm talking about what we say when we sit down.
-You've got concerns? -I do.
Name one.
The president prefers maple syrup from New Hampshire.
I'm not kidding.
We'd better meet on this.
-Breakfast tomorrow? -What should I wear? -I don't give a damn.
-I've heard different.
Where were we? You were giving me and my staff an ultimatum.
Did you know there's a pool under the briefing room? -I didn't.
-There's a swimming pool under there.
And according to the OMB efficiency auditor more people work in the West Wing than in any point in history.
You wanna free up space by kicking out the press corps and putting in a pool? I realize there are some flaws in my Iogic.
-Leo needs a favor.
-What? Go to Ben and Sally's and apologize to Karen Cahill -for making fun of her shoes.
-I didn't.
-He did.
-I have no problems with them.
-Leo did.
-What was his problem? -Do what you usually do.
-Here's the thing.
-What? -I don't do well with Karen.
-Why? -I get nervous.
-What happens? -I become unimpressive.
-In what way? -In many ways.
You don't fall down, do you? -When? -With Karen.
-Once.
-You'II be fine.
-You think? -You'II be impressive.
I wasn't before.
That doesn't mean I won't do it.
-Right.
-You know why? -Doesn't matter.
-Perseverance.
You get back on the horse.
I'II sit there and she'II say, "Sam Seaborn's impressive.
-I'II say nice things about him.
" -Reach for the stars.
-I will.
-Good.
I'm having breakfast with Ann Stark tomorrow.
-Leave it alone.
-We should discuss the minimum wage-- It's a new year! -Let's not faff around! -It's breakfast.
I know it's breakfast.
We're not gonna come up with solutions in 90 minutes.
But we have the principals in a room and no cameras.
The Ieaders of the Iand.
Not to talk about how we'II approach minimum wage, Patients' Bill of Rights tax relief and education in the session that's about to begin is a criminally negligent and cowardly refusal to do what we were all sent here to do.
This is what my ex-wife and I did for years.
We had these rules.
We could talk about anything but why we couldn't Iive with each other.
I could have been two years younger right now.
There was a freshman Democrat who came to Congress 50 years ago.
He turned to a senior Democrat and said: "Where are the Republicans? I want to meet the enemy.
" The senior Democrat said, "The Republicans aren't the enemy.
They're the opposition.
The Senate's the enemy.
" Those days are over.
In this climate-- This climate is when real debate is what bipartisanship should Iook Iike.
This woman's had this job two weeks.
I don't Iike dealing with people who are trying to impress me.
I know her a Iittle.
Have breakfast with her.
Thank you.
Jenny and I wouldn't talk about it either.
-You know why? -Why? Because we Ioved each other, and it was awful.
And we knew it was never gonna change.
Ever.
I wanna talk about minimum wage and Patients' Bill of Rights.
You' re talking about the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act there.
-AII right, yeah.
-I brought you a present.
-What is it? -Guess.
-Really? -Sure.
-Why? -I would think it'd be fun.
-You don't think it'd be a waste of time? -You've Iost your sense of humor.
It's a bottle of New Hampshire maple syrup.
It's a can of New Hampshire maple syrup and you just ruined what I think could've been a nice moment.
-Ann-- -T ax breaks are tax relief now.
And we're changing South Carolina to Italy.
-The minimum wage.
-You cannot muster a thank you? For the syrup? -Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-And congratulations.
-Thank you.
You are the chief of staff to the most powerful Republican in the country.
-Obviously, a great deal of confidence-- -Where's my present? For being promoted? -I don't have one.
-Give me my syrup back.
Are you ready to order? He's gonna need syrup.
I have syrup here, but he doesn't have any.
Scrambled eggs, wheat toast and coffee, please.
Did the president say the stats were more staggering in Washington, D.
C.
? -Would you remind me to clarify that? -Why? He was in Louisville, Kentucky, when he said it.
-You got my note? -Moving the press room to the OEOB? -I did.
-And? Don't Iet anyone know you wrote it and don't ever mention it again.
-Moving the press room? -See? You mentioned it.
-You did it again.
-I didn't.
-You were about to.
-The OEOB is across the street.
We're not getting a pool.
I know we're not getting a pool, but we can get needed office space.
We can put distance between the press and the president and put them across the street in a state-of-the-art facility.
-By "state-of-the-art" you mean? -A room with electricity.
The press doesn't want distance from the president.
And Americans don't want the president to have distance from the press.
We can't exile the press.
The room is 1 00 yards from where we' re standing.
It sends a signal we' re trying to hide things.
We are, but I don't think we'II be better at it if they're across the street.
-I'II get more information.
-I don't need it.
-So you can ruminate.
-I don't need to.
Excellent.
Josh.
-How'd it go? -Hang on.
-What do you need? -Did the monthly DNC go out yet? -It's going out now.
-Is there time to add a question? Donna, get me the polling center at GIobal Strategies Group.
What's the question? C.
J.
thinks if we move the press out of the West Wing, Americans will object.
-She's crazy.
-So I want to show her numbers.
Mike at GIobal Strategies.
I wanna tack on a question, okay? Would you object to--? Would you have--? Yes or no.
Would you have an objection if--? What should the question be? If the White House moved the press to T renton, would you give a flying--? Would you object to the White House moving the press room out of the West Wing and across the street? Read it back.
-How'd it go? -It went great.
Thank you.
-I had to talk to Karen Cahill Iast night.
-Did you fall down? I did not.
We were talking about the stability of former Soviet republics and their fear of Islamic extremism.
And I have to say, that I made some very scholarly points regarding the remaining nuclear weapons in Kirghizstan-- Kazakhstan.
The nuclear weapons are in Kazakhstan.
I said Kirghizstan? Well, Kirghizstan has no nuclear weapons.
Kazakhstan's a country four times the size of T exas and has a sizable number of former Russian missile silos.
Kirghizstan's on the side of a hill near China and has mostly nomads and sheep.
I'm sure you got it right Iast night.
Yes.
I'm sure.
Okay.
It's a photo op, Toby.
Let them talk about the Redskins and their kids.
And why not talk about the minimum wage? Because you'II say you want it raised $2 in 50ยข increments over two years, and we'II say three years.
Ann, do you know what a full-time worker employed at $5.
1 5 an hour makes in a year? $1 0,71 2.
Which is $2600 below the poverty Iine.
Why have a minimum wage? -Now you're talking.
-Ann, I-- You think raising the minimum wage will put a dent in the poverty rate? I'm saying it could keep up with inflation.
The Iast 30 years, the purchasing power of the minimum wage is down 30%.
You know how much the stock market is up? A hundred and fifteen percent.
Small businesses will fold or produce Iess because they can't afford to pay a federally mandated wage.
The unemployed will, in turn, face higher prices while receiving no wage.
Let's talk about it at breakfast.
-Why? -Twenty senators will call and say: "Why are you starting the ball rolling without us? " They will say, "Why are you rolling the ball at all? " You'II sandbag the thing in committee.
You've shown us your whole hand.
You're playing a game, and not well.
I just got here.
-Your predecessor didn't play it well.
-That's why they gave me her job.
Ann, we're not gonna get screwed around on the wage hike.
-We have the votes, and you know it.
-Having the votes doesn't matter if the Ieader decides there isn't gonna be a vote.
There is gonna be a vote, and if there isn't we'II offer the wage hike as an amendment on everything that moves.
Say that again.
You heard me the first time.
Do you not remember I' m the same person who bought you a can of syrup? What have I done to make you think I' m scared of you? -The Patients' Bill of Rights.
-We can talk about it? We can spend 1 5 minutes on dropping the Iitigation shield.
-In exchange for what? -Some flowers.
-In exchange for what? -The spirit of bipartisanship.
In exchange for what? I want the press conference at the Hill.
Our guys are tired of Iooking Iike the president's stupid cousin.
That's all? You want the press conference on the Hill? Done.
C.
J.
Cregg says no.
C.
J.
works for me.
-Thank you for breakfast.
-You're welcome.
-Charlie.
-Yes, sir.
-Who's the next meeting? -Kim Woo of Singapore.
-You want the cheat sheet? -I don't need a cheat sheet.
Kim Woo: He won a bronze medal for fencing.
He's a Buddhist.
And he enjoys European history.
You see, even though it's a handshake I make him feel Iike a friend, and that's what they call people skills.
Kim Woo's a woman, sir.
He's an OIympic athlete.
Don't say that to his face.
-Sir.
-What else? Sam jotted down some remarks for your toast at the breakfast tomorrow.
" Ladies and gentlemen.
" That's funny.
-That's funny.
She's a woman? -Yes, sir.
-Did you mark that down? -Yes, sir.
"We spend so much time demonizing the other side treating our opponents Iike threatening strangers with whom we share nothing in common that we've Iost sight, perhaps, of the greater truths.
" Did you know it's bad Iuck to toast with water? -I didn't.
-Yeah, don't toast with water.
-Should we go, sir? -It's from Greek mythology.
-You Iose your spirit.
-T o what? T o what do you Iose your spirit? That's a good question.
I could tell you, but it's better if you Iook it up.
I'II hit the Iibrary as soon as I get off work tonight at 1 a.
m.
"That we've Iost sight, perhaps, of the greater truths.
There is a Iot more that unites Americans than divides them.
" That's good.
"There's a Iot more that unites Americans than divides them.
" -Remind me to tell Sam that's good.
-Yes, sir.
And remind me not to toast with water.
-Yes, sir.
-Let's go.
I said the wrong one.
-Maybe not.
-I'm fairly certain.
-You had a 50-50 chance.
-It was Karen Cahill.
I'm sure I said the wrong one.
Why do you guys get worked up over Karen Cahill? -She's very influential.
-So are you.
-She's a columnist.
-You talk to Iots of columnists.
-She has special powers.
-You think? -Maybe you didn't get it wrong.
-I got it wrong.
-Maybe there are nuclear weapons there.
-There are barely pots and pans there.
-You think The Times will tease you? -I do.
You gotta be used to that by now.
-Yeah, here's what we'II do.
-We' re gonna do something? -You talk to her.
-I don't know her.
-You met her.
-We've been introduced.
-You said you two made a connection.
-That's true.
-Here's what you do.
-I connect with people.
You're going to the South Street exhibit? -How did you know? -You told me.
She's going.
-How do you know? -She told me.
-A Iot of reconnaissance went into this.
-You're gonna go up to her: "Hi, I'm Donna Moss.
I'm Josh Lyman's assistant.
" You had to come up to her.
She'd get a kick out of this.
Sam Seaborn's being so cute.
He thinks he may have said Kirghizstan when he meant Kazakhstan.
"Sam Seaborn's being so cute"? -It would kill you? -No.
Thank you.
Listen, I just had breakfast with Ann Stark.
-Minimum wage? -No.
-It's for the best.
-Why? -There will be a fight.
-Yes.
-T oby.
-There should be a fight.
We disagree on something important.
Which means there should be a compromise.
-It won't happen posing for a picture.
-It won't happen eating pancakes either.
Let them tell dirty jokes for 90 minutes, shake hands and start the year.
Not when it's the taxpayers' pancakes.
T axpayers will be happy the Democrats are trying to tighten their belts.
They'II put a provision of the Patient's Bill for discussion.
That's something you can disagree on.
-Fifteen minutes.
-You can shout a Iot in 1 5 minutes.
In exchange, she wants the press conference on the Hill.
She wants the whole thing on the Hill? -Yeah, Iisten-- -I said no to the split conference.
-What makes her think I'II put--? -Because I'm asking you to.
What? -That's what they get in exchange-- -You kidding? -Look-- -Are you kidding me? -Who cares where the--? -I don't even know where to start! -C.
J.
-- -But first of all if they need a response, I need 20 minutes with staff.
I can't huddle in front of the White House and congressional press corps.
There won't be a surprise.
You've decided what to say, which is not much of anything.
We don't speak for the president at the Capitol.
We don't need their microphone.
It makes us Iook Iike Iess than what we are.
In fact, it makes us Iook small.
We call tax breaks "tax reliefs" refuse to discuss raising the salary of those Iiving in poverty arguing about seating and you think that'II make us Iook small? We' re talking about the no-Iitigation clause for 1 5 minutes.
I don't care if the damn press conference is outside the Rotary CIub.
It shouldn't be me, then.
It should be Henry.
Fine.
It should be the deputy.
-I'II tell Ann it's not gonna be you.
-I think this is a bad idea.
First visual is that Congress is the seat of power and the president's irrelevant.
Not only that, but you just took my Iegs out from under me with Ann.
Are you ordering me to move it to the Hill? -I don't Iike doing that.
-You're gonna have to.
Do it.
-It's about to start.
-C.
J.
Steve, you should be on the Hill.
I'm gonna watch it on TV.
Are you thinking about moving the press room across the street? -No.
-I heard you were discussing it.
-From who? -Chris.
It's starting.
-She was sure you were discussing it.
-Why? She got called by a pollster, who asked her how she felt-- She got called by a pollster? -She herself got called? -It's starting.
-Anyway-- -Let me get into it.
Thanks.
Good morning.
We 're joined today with Congressman Dade Congressman Shallick, Senator Hammond and then Senator Ford.
Unfortunately, the majority leader has a sore throat and is unable to join us.
He 's gone back to his office.
We concluded a frank and productive meeting-- -When did he get a sore throat? -I don't-- She took the majority Ieader off the board.
--bipartisanship, as we face the coming Iegislative session.
We'II answer questions for a few moments this morning.
Yes.
Was the Patients' Bill of Rights discussed? The Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act, it was discussed - though I hesitate to comment-- -She took him off the board.
Was it a balance thing? No, she didn't want balance.
-She wanted power.
-Maybe-- Why did she take her boss off the board? We discussed the litigation clause, but I don 't wanna get into the specifics.
-We' re about to get hit.
-What about the minimum wage hike? The wage hike was not discussed.
Well, are you considering a $2 increase over two years? We want the same thing over three years.
Certainly the leader's position 's-- Call on Simon.
We didn't discuss it.
Craig? Call on Simon.
Is it fair to say it's the majority Ieader holding this up and not the majority? I don't think it's fair to say either.
In the back.
Simon.
Congressman, I'm quoting a senior White House aide who says they have the votes.
The aide said unless they get a straight up or down vote from the Ieader-- This is the quote, "We'II attach it as an amendment to everything that moves.
" -Could you say that again? - The senior aide said-- I don 't wanna comment on this.
I think I'd like to get back to the breakfast meeting and then for-- Excuse me, but I'm sorry.
My friend from Michigan is too polite to comment on this.
I'm not burdened by any such sense of etiquette.
-Congressman.
- This is disgraceful.
The record should show a spitball contest was begun behind our backs through the press and before the 107th Congress was even gaveled into session.
You want some quotes? Open your note pads.
It's T oby.
It is sadly not atypical of this White House to make a public show-- -I' m the senior aide.
-No kidding.
Get me Henry.
We came here in an honest effort-- Henry.
I've got Henry.
What do you want? If the White House says one thing to our face and another to us through the media if the White House ambushes us with ultimatums in the press-- What do you want me to do, T oby? Don't Iet him take the podium.
He'II take questions in the briefing room in 20 minutes.
Henry, get home.
Congressman, one last question! Does the White House really have the vote? What the hell happened? That was me.
I gave Ann Stark the quote, and she fed it to a reporter.
-Why'd you give her the quote? -It wasn't a quote.
-What was it? -I told her we had the votes-- She knows we have the votes.
She was promoted to chief of staff for the Senate majority Ieader.
You don't think she knows we have the votes? I misunderstood our relationship.
Now it Iooks Iike we went to the press and went for his knees.
Excuse me, but T oby's not the one who gave it to the press.
Will the majority Ieader believe that? -No.
-It was a breakfast.
It was a damn photo opportunity.
The year is one week old.
The Iegislative session hasn't begun.
We can't put a forkful of waffles in our mouth without coughing up the ball.
You got beat.
Yes.
I have press in 1 0 minutes.
Figure it out.
T ell me what you're gonna do.
We can take the highroad say we don't want it to disintegrate into a war of words.
We don't wanna disrupt a fragile peace.
It's been disrupted.
We're accused of ambushing the majority Ieader.
Labor's gonna want to know we stand by the minimum wage.
Why don't we have the Labor secretary make a statement? -We support the $2 minimum wage.
-Let's emphasize how close we are.
We support the $2 minimum-wage hike spread over two years.
The Republicans want it over three years.
We're close.
It sounds Iike we're close to agreeing on 30 months, which we're not.
No one will cover a statement from a Labor secretary which is good because it'd Iook Iike we were ducking.
-No, I don't think-- -She's right.
We can't be passive, and the highroad doesn't go where we need it to.
Be cool.
Be funny.
Smack them down hard.
The majority Ieader is out of touch with the needs of real people.
Why wasn't he at the podium? A sore throat? We know how tough that is.
Thank goodness he had health insurance.
-There it is.
-That's the sound bite.
And that's the new story.
-T oby? -Do it.
Carol, I need voting stats on health care.
Five minutes.
How's this for a phrase? You can Iay down in front of the train, or you can get onboard.
That's a really bad phrase.
Is it better if it's, "You can get onboard the train or Iay down in front of it"? No, it's really bad either way.
Josh, this was delivered by messenger.
What is it? It's-- Wait, wait.
No, damn, my x-ray vision is failing me today.
Give me that.
-How'd it go? -Last night? Did you talk to her? I explained you said Kirghizstan when you meant Kazakhstan.
Did you say it was cute how I worried? -I did.
-Did I get it wrong? -She said she wasn't really Iistening.
-Okay.
I had a most stimulating conversation with her.
It was pithy.
It was erudite.
And most of all, it required no follow-up explanation.
-Donna? -What was in the envelope? Your underwear.
What? I'm holding your underwear in my hand right now.
And the way I know it's your underwear is, your name is sewn in the back which, obviously, we'II spend some time talking about at a Iater date.
How did you get my underwear? Did you wear the same pair of pants two days in a row this week? -No.
-Donna? -Yes.
-Okay when you got dressed on day two did you check the pant Ieg for the previous day's underwear? -I don't need to check the pant Ieg-- -Donna.
-They fell out of my pants? -It would appear that way.
Where? The South Street exhibit.
-Where? -On the floor, in front of Karen Cahill.
-T ell me she's not the one-- -She sent a note.
Fred and Ethel, would you follow me, please? I think she's talking about us.
Did a question get tacked on to the monthly DNC tracking poll -about moving the press room? -Yes because I wanted to shoot down the argument the public-- The public gets news from the press, and the press gets news-- It's a private poll.
The press doesn't have access to it.
They don't know what questions we' re asking? Are you sure? The only way they'd know what questions were asked is if they were called by one of the pollsters and-- Oh, my God! -Yes.
-A reporter got called by a pollster? Yes, indeed.
Yes.
-What are the chances of that? -They' re astronomical.
-Guys.
-They sample 800 respondents.
Would the two of you stop being amazed by the mathematics? AII right, I'd pass it off.
Say some schnook in the management office wanted to kick it around.
Sam? It's gonna be me, right? -Okay.
-You ready? You had a Iot of opportunities today to say I told you so and score some points with Leo.
You' re a class act.
Why were you holding women's underwear before? Never really needed a reason.
Heat them up.
C.
J.
C.
J.
White House press secretary C.
J.
Cregg characterized the Republican response as bizarre.
There was no intent to ambush the Republican Party with an issue that's been on the table for a year.
Ann Stark, recently installed chief of staff in the majority leader's office said she was surprised by the White House-- And shocked.
Shocked to discover there's gambling going on in this establishment.
Maybe if you'd gotten me a gift of some kind.
You think this is funny? You used to have a sense of humor, T oby.
-You never had a sense of humor.
-Ann-- I think you'II have to get next to the idea -your party isn't in the majority.
-My party's in the White House.
A building to which the Constitution does not endow sovereign power.
You think I'II sit around while you reduce the president to prime minister? Stand or sit.
We' re in the majority, and things are gonna have to Iook it.
And by the way, don't ever walk into my office without an appointment.
You'd think this could wait until an election year.
-When is it not an election year? -T en years ago, we'd sit down.
We'd order a couple of bourbons.
We'd talk about health care.
We'd talk about the minimum wage.
He didn't have a sore throat.
No.
You kept him off the board so he could come back on and fix it.
-When will you announce? -Announce what? That he's running for president.
I' m pretty sure we just did.
I'm gonna read a short statement in response to the rather bizarre take on-- I think the whole damn thing is bizarre.
I don't know if this is the right moment-- -Right moment for what? -Donna Moss needs a favor.
While talking to Karen Cahill, she accidentally dropped her underwear.
She feels Karen Cahill may have misinterpreted that.
Donna asked me to ask you if you'd call Karen Cahill and make it clear she wasn't making a sexual advance.
I' m not sure there is a right moment to ask me that, Charlie.
So I should tell her no.
-Good evening, Mr.
President.
-Donna wants me to call Karen Cahill and say she wasn't hitting on her when she gave her her underwear.
That's because I made fun of her shoes .
.
Sam said there were nuclear weapons in Kirghizstan and Donna went to clear it up and accidentally Ieft her underwear.
There can't possibly be nuclear weapons in Kirghizstan.
Mr.
President, please don't wade hip-deep into this story.
Sir? T oby.
I'm going to bed.
If anybody thinks of new ways for us to make friends don't hesitate to wake me, or just feel free to start a fire.
-Thank you, Mr.
President.
-Good night.
T oby.
He didn't wanna see me.
He'II be all right in the morning.
You're the communications director.
It was a TV show.
It was a blunder from top to bottom.
You should know that it could've been avoided if I'd Iistened to C.
J.
Or me.
AIexander Hamilton didn't think we should have political parties.
Neither did John Adams.
They thought political parties Ied to divisiveness.
They do.
They should.
We have disagreements.
Arguments are good.
Only if they Iead to statesmanship.
Or it's just theater.
And statesmanship is compromise.
What about persuasion? They' re coming for us, Leo.
I know.
I mean, they' re coming for us now.
T oby, if you knew what it was Iike getting him to run the first time.
-I know.
-Like pushing molasses up a sandy hill.
If I go and tell him it's time to run again, he's gonna get crazy and frustrated.
He's gonna sink into his head.
And he's gonna say he's not running.
So we've gotta do it for him.
We'II keep it away from this office but we've gotta get real now.
Ann Stark's a wartime consigliere.
That's why she was bumped up.
I'm a wartime consigliere too, T oby.
I was just hoping it'd be peacetime a Iittle Ionger.
Son of a bitch.
Shake my hand.
-We just formed it.
-Formed what? The Committee to Re-elect the President.
You don't know that.
They could all move to Vancouver.
-I don't think so.
-Me neither.
But everybody else can take a seat for four years.
You have posttraumatic stress disorder.
Well, that doesn't sound Iike something they'd Iet you have if you work for the president.
This president was elected with 48 percent of the vote.
-But he was elected.
-Without a mandate.
The majority of the people voted for somebody else.
We don't need some kind of permission for this? Shouldn't there be some official supervision? We' re making a fire in a fireplace.
What supervision do you want? FEMA, the American Red Cross? -What kind of wood is this? -I don't know.
-Josh-- -It's freezing in here.
-I acknowledge that it's cold.
-It's Iike Ice Station Zebra.
-It also might bother someone.
-It's half past midnight.
See, here's the thing.
This Iooks Iike spruce to me.
Spruce is softwood.
Softwood burns out quickly.
-You know what we need? -A hardwood? -That's right.
-Interesting.
-Where did you get the wood? -It was sitting in the thing.
I think that is meant to be decorative.
It's wood.
We're not burning Benjamin Harrison's Iog cabin.
-You know what? We might be.
-Why? It was made out of spruce.
-Where's C.
J.
? -In the Roosevelt Room.
Is she doing the seating chart? Jancowitz has a hearing aid that seldom works.
He needs to be seated near the center.
Would you tell her that? You' re not using Iighter fluid or anything, are you? No flammable Iiquids of any kind to start a fire, ever.
-Found it.
-What? -Kerosene.
-Josh.
Go.
Speaker.
House majority, House minority.
Senate majority, Senate minority.
-Whip, whip, deputy, deputy.
-Right.
Then the committee chairs.
Ways and Means here.
Finance here.
House Appropriations here.
Senate Appropriations, House Budget.
-Senate Budget.
-Excellent.
-Which brings us to? -White House staff.
-So we've got the chief of staff.
-Next to him the deputy chief of staff.
On the other side of Leo will be the congressional and political Iiaison.
Next, the communications director and deputy communications director.
-Staff aides? -They'II stand around the wall.
-So we' re done? -We' re set.
-C.
J.
? -Don't give me a thing.
Jancowitz has to sit closer to the center.
-Why? -He doesn't hear well.
-He can't sit closer.
-His hearing aid malfunctions.
It's a breakfast to trumpet a new spirit of bipartisan cooperation in the new year.
-No one will be Iistening.
-I' m a messenger.
-He's saying don't snub him.
-Because of the thing.
AII right, ask him if it's better to dis the House whip or the Senate whip.
You wanna stand them in a tripod, right? Yeah, standing three sticks on end and slanting them to a common center.
-Isn't that a tripod? -But-- You just thought you'd say more words? Josh.
Hang on.
You know what we need? -Dried Ieaves? -We need dried Ieaves.
We gotta move either the House or the Senate whip.
-House.
-Why? Because Iife is tough.
And if he doesn't Iike it, he can kiss me.
So the spirit of bipartisanship begins? Could you possibly get us some dried Ieaves? I'II just run out to the forest and be right back.
-You know what? -You think she was being sarcastic? Yeah, I don't think she's getting the Ieaves.
-You know what we could use? -Newspaper.
This is what I'm talking about.
This is teamwork.
It really is.
-House.
-House? So we move the House whip to the Ieft of Sam and move Jancowitz across from Leo, and we're set, right? Larry, Ed, we' re set? Either one of you? Thank you.
You see? You thought it would take a Iong time, and it only took 7 1 /2 hours.
-Somebody working on the heat? -Seating's set.
-That took some time.
-It was hard.
You gotta find a Magic Marker.
When people sit with the president, there's excruciating protocol involved.
-What? -Missed one.
-Who? -T ake a Iook.
-I' m Iooking.
-It'II happen.
Okay, guys? You know what we did? -We forgot the president.
-There it is.
Does anybody smell smoke? Oh, God.
I think this might be because the wood is wet.
The fire ought to dry it pretty quick, shouldn't it? What did you do? -It's going good.
-There's smoke in the hallways.
-What the hell's going on? -The wood's drying out.
-Are you burning a dining-room table? -Spruce is a slow-drying wood.
Do you have any idea what you're talking about? -Hang on.
-Are those instructions? It says this fireplace was a "favorite of President Andrew Johnson" and he would "sip whiskey from a charcoal keg while reading by its Iight.
" That doesn't help.
The flue's been welded shut since 1 896.
-That's probably it.
-What are you doing? Somebody started a fire.
If the alarms go off, I gotta wake the president.
The president's 1 000 yards over and two flights up.
It's procedure.
Well, Iet's get a fire extinguisher and put it out before the smoke alarm-- -What? -Mr.
President.
You know how you said not to wake you unless there was a fire? -These are the rules.
-They' re the guidelines.
The meeting will Iast 90 minutes.
-And the rules-- -Guidelines.
We can't talk about the Patients' Bill of Rights? We can talk about it.
We just can't talk about dropping the provision that would allow for Iitigation.
-Why not? -That's not what the breakfast is for.
-What's it for? -T o symbolize a spirit of cooperation as the new session begins and to eat pancakes.
So on the Patients' Bill of Rights, we'II just debate the things we agree on.
-And minimum wage? -We won't be talking about that at all.
No, because it could Iead to something.
-We can't talk about the Patients' Bill? -We can.
Just not about dropping the no-Iitigation clause.
Why have rights if you can't sue for them? -Fine argument.
-But we won't make it? -Not at this breakfast.
-And minimum wage? Not so much.
I see we won't be talking about the 993 tax cut.
We won't be, but we've agreed to call it tax relief instead of a tax cut.
We'II call it tax relief? -But we won't be talking about it.
-Leo, the Patients' Bill of Rights-- Which we'II call the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act.
What's the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act? It's the Patients' Bill of Rights, but the C.
A.
R.
A.
was introduced in 1 999.
It's the same thing.
The Republicans will discuss changing the name back.
In exchange for calling tax breaks "tax relief"? -Or income enhancement.
-I'm in a musical.
Getting it renamed is a hell of a concession.
-I'm gonna check in with you, okay? -Sure.
Sick people who don't get proper medical care, because they can't afford it don't care if we've agreed to change the bill's name.
We agreed to discuss changing it.
-After that? -Security briefing.
-After that? -Agriculture.
Who set off the smoke alarm Iast night? It sounds a Iot Iike you' re talking about Sam, Mr.
President.
Were you inconvenienced? They had me on the T ruman Balcony in my underwear.
-Was it cold? -In January? No, why do you ask? I'd Iike to talk about those rules in that memo you're reading.
It's a pancake breakfast, T oby.
There's nothing that's important.
We're having Vermont maple syrup? If you read item four, you'II see time at this breakfast will be spent discussing calling the Patients' Bill of Rights the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act.
I don't care if it's called the Monroe Doctrine.
What the hell are we doing serving Vermont maple syrup? On the minimum wage, in item five of the Rules for Bipartisan Breakfast-- Guidelines.
You keep calling them rules.
Margaret, what does it say at the top? -" Rules for bipartisan breakfast.
" -I keep meaning to fire you.
New Hampshire syrup is what we serve in this White House.
It's a breakfast.
We eat.
We pose for pictures, do a postgame conference.
Everybody gets out, and I don't have to be Officer Krupke.
-Anything else? -An OMB efficiency expert has said we can free up space by moving the press room across the street.
What else? -Thank you.
-Thank you.
Josh.
You feeling all right? You sure? You don't mind me asking? Because I'm gonna ask you once a day, okay? You just asked me four times in the Iast 1 0 seconds.
Go to Ben and Sally's for dinner tonight.
Are you going? Was I invited? Are Ben and Sally asking for me? They'd rather you didn't come but they'II do me a favor, and I need you to do me one too.
What's at Ben and Sally's? Karen Cahill.
And what stupid-ass Irish thing did you say to Karen Cahill that you now need me to apologize for at Ben and Sally's, Iike a Iittle girl? Let me tell you what was surprising about that moment.
I said that only 1 2 hours after you were very cool about my almost accidentally setting the building on fire.
I made a joke about her shoes.
I' m sorry? I made a remark about her shoes.
-You' re the second most powerful man.
-And she writes for The New York Times.
Who knows what relationship women have with shoes.
What could you possibly have said? It was perfectly benign to anyone who doesn't take shoes that seriously.
Just tell her I Iove her and that I' m sorry.
-And I'II take her shoe shopping.
-Why don't you tell her? If someone else tells her, it seems Iike I was thoughtful enough to mention it.
If I tell her, it makes me seem feminine.
You don't think the shoe shopping's gonna take care of that? Let's call the insurance company and see how much water damage is in the Mural Room.
You needn't wave a stick.
-I am totally there for you.
-Thank you.
-Can I get Sam to do it? -Fine.
Anything else? This is about what they say after the meeting, so Iet's decide what they'II say.
-It'II be simple enough.
-Like what? We appreciate the president's invitation and welcome him to bipartisanship.
I'II end the press conference.
-You'II welcome him to bipartisanship? -What's wrong? I think C.
J.
is objecting to the implication that we got there first.
How about we all agree on a need for a renewed spirit of bipartisanship.
The meeting was positive? Friendly, frank and productive? Our goals can be met under the president's Ieadership-- -No way.
-What's the problem? I think what my aide is objecting to is the implication it's the president's Ieadership under which our goals will be met.
The meeting was positive, friendly, frank and productive.
With a spicy bouquet that suggests a fine merlot.
Press will be at the northwest entrance.
If we' re done at 1 0:30 majority Ieader will speak, the minority Ieader then C.
J.
will answer questions in the briefing room.
If all goes well-- -Why in the briefing room? -It's where I brief.
The majority Ieader's briefing first and outside.
You' re doing it Iast, in back of a podium and in front of a big picture of the White House.
The majority Ieader will be in front of the White House.
He'II be on the Capitol steps.
T raditionally, it's in front of the White House.
T raditionally, the person in my job has cared what's traditional.
The president won't wanna end a bipartisan breakfast with Republicans speaking from one place and Dem-- The majority Ieader won't stand at a cardboard podium in your front yard while you stand in the White House briefing room, and with good reason.
-Which is? -They' re not on equal footing.
Our bosses? I don't think they are either.
The majority Ieader will brief outside.
If he wants to skip breakfast there'II be more pancakes for us, and my press room can write about why.
Well, you can't blame a girl for trying.
-You need me? -Can I borrow her for a moment? We'II wait.
-These rules are crap.
-The guidelines? -We're working with C.
J.
now.
-I don't care who speaks in what order.
I'm talking about what we say when we sit down.
-You've got concerns? -I do.
Name one.
The president prefers maple syrup from New Hampshire.
I'm not kidding.
We'd better meet on this.
-Breakfast tomorrow? -What should I wear? -I don't give a damn.
-I've heard different.
Where were we? You were giving me and my staff an ultimatum.
Did you know there's a pool under the briefing room? -I didn't.
-There's a swimming pool under there.
And according to the OMB efficiency auditor more people work in the West Wing than in any point in history.
You wanna free up space by kicking out the press corps and putting in a pool? I realize there are some flaws in my Iogic.
-Leo needs a favor.
-What? Go to Ben and Sally's and apologize to Karen Cahill -for making fun of her shoes.
-I didn't.
-He did.
-I have no problems with them.
-Leo did.
-What was his problem? -Do what you usually do.
-Here's the thing.
-What? -I don't do well with Karen.
-Why? -I get nervous.
-What happens? -I become unimpressive.
-In what way? -In many ways.
You don't fall down, do you? -When? -With Karen.
-Once.
-You'II be fine.
-You think? -You'II be impressive.
I wasn't before.
That doesn't mean I won't do it.
-Right.
-You know why? -Doesn't matter.
-Perseverance.
You get back on the horse.
I'II sit there and she'II say, "Sam Seaborn's impressive.
-I'II say nice things about him.
" -Reach for the stars.
-I will.
-Good.
I'm having breakfast with Ann Stark tomorrow.
-Leave it alone.
-We should discuss the minimum wage-- It's a new year! -Let's not faff around! -It's breakfast.
I know it's breakfast.
We're not gonna come up with solutions in 90 minutes.
But we have the principals in a room and no cameras.
The Ieaders of the Iand.
Not to talk about how we'II approach minimum wage, Patients' Bill of Rights tax relief and education in the session that's about to begin is a criminally negligent and cowardly refusal to do what we were all sent here to do.
This is what my ex-wife and I did for years.
We had these rules.
We could talk about anything but why we couldn't Iive with each other.
I could have been two years younger right now.
There was a freshman Democrat who came to Congress 50 years ago.
He turned to a senior Democrat and said: "Where are the Republicans? I want to meet the enemy.
" The senior Democrat said, "The Republicans aren't the enemy.
They're the opposition.
The Senate's the enemy.
" Those days are over.
In this climate-- This climate is when real debate is what bipartisanship should Iook Iike.
This woman's had this job two weeks.
I don't Iike dealing with people who are trying to impress me.
I know her a Iittle.
Have breakfast with her.
Thank you.
Jenny and I wouldn't talk about it either.
-You know why? -Why? Because we Ioved each other, and it was awful.
And we knew it was never gonna change.
Ever.
I wanna talk about minimum wage and Patients' Bill of Rights.
You' re talking about the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act there.
-AII right, yeah.
-I brought you a present.
-What is it? -Guess.
-Really? -Sure.
-Why? -I would think it'd be fun.
-You don't think it'd be a waste of time? -You've Iost your sense of humor.
It's a bottle of New Hampshire maple syrup.
It's a can of New Hampshire maple syrup and you just ruined what I think could've been a nice moment.
-Ann-- -T ax breaks are tax relief now.
And we're changing South Carolina to Italy.
-The minimum wage.
-You cannot muster a thank you? For the syrup? -Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-And congratulations.
-Thank you.
You are the chief of staff to the most powerful Republican in the country.
-Obviously, a great deal of confidence-- -Where's my present? For being promoted? -I don't have one.
-Give me my syrup back.
Are you ready to order? He's gonna need syrup.
I have syrup here, but he doesn't have any.
Scrambled eggs, wheat toast and coffee, please.
Did the president say the stats were more staggering in Washington, D.
C.
? -Would you remind me to clarify that? -Why? He was in Louisville, Kentucky, when he said it.
-You got my note? -Moving the press room to the OEOB? -I did.
-And? Don't Iet anyone know you wrote it and don't ever mention it again.
-Moving the press room? -See? You mentioned it.
-You did it again.
-I didn't.
-You were about to.
-The OEOB is across the street.
We're not getting a pool.
I know we're not getting a pool, but we can get needed office space.
We can put distance between the press and the president and put them across the street in a state-of-the-art facility.
-By "state-of-the-art" you mean? -A room with electricity.
The press doesn't want distance from the president.
And Americans don't want the president to have distance from the press.
We can't exile the press.
The room is 1 00 yards from where we' re standing.
It sends a signal we' re trying to hide things.
We are, but I don't think we'II be better at it if they're across the street.
-I'II get more information.
-I don't need it.
-So you can ruminate.
-I don't need to.
Excellent.
Josh.
-How'd it go? -Hang on.
-What do you need? -Did the monthly DNC go out yet? -It's going out now.
-Is there time to add a question? Donna, get me the polling center at GIobal Strategies Group.
What's the question? C.
J.
thinks if we move the press out of the West Wing, Americans will object.
-She's crazy.
-So I want to show her numbers.
Mike at GIobal Strategies.
I wanna tack on a question, okay? Would you object to--? Would you have--? Yes or no.
Would you have an objection if--? What should the question be? If the White House moved the press to T renton, would you give a flying--? Would you object to the White House moving the press room out of the West Wing and across the street? Read it back.
-How'd it go? -It went great.
Thank you.
-I had to talk to Karen Cahill Iast night.
-Did you fall down? I did not.
We were talking about the stability of former Soviet republics and their fear of Islamic extremism.
And I have to say, that I made some very scholarly points regarding the remaining nuclear weapons in Kirghizstan-- Kazakhstan.
The nuclear weapons are in Kazakhstan.
I said Kirghizstan? Well, Kirghizstan has no nuclear weapons.
Kazakhstan's a country four times the size of T exas and has a sizable number of former Russian missile silos.
Kirghizstan's on the side of a hill near China and has mostly nomads and sheep.
I'm sure you got it right Iast night.
Yes.
I'm sure.
Okay.
It's a photo op, Toby.
Let them talk about the Redskins and their kids.
And why not talk about the minimum wage? Because you'II say you want it raised $2 in 50ยข increments over two years, and we'II say three years.
Ann, do you know what a full-time worker employed at $5.
1 5 an hour makes in a year? $1 0,71 2.
Which is $2600 below the poverty Iine.
Why have a minimum wage? -Now you're talking.
-Ann, I-- You think raising the minimum wage will put a dent in the poverty rate? I'm saying it could keep up with inflation.
The Iast 30 years, the purchasing power of the minimum wage is down 30%.
You know how much the stock market is up? A hundred and fifteen percent.
Small businesses will fold or produce Iess because they can't afford to pay a federally mandated wage.
The unemployed will, in turn, face higher prices while receiving no wage.
Let's talk about it at breakfast.
-Why? -Twenty senators will call and say: "Why are you starting the ball rolling without us? " They will say, "Why are you rolling the ball at all? " You'II sandbag the thing in committee.
You've shown us your whole hand.
You're playing a game, and not well.
I just got here.
-Your predecessor didn't play it well.
-That's why they gave me her job.
Ann, we're not gonna get screwed around on the wage hike.
-We have the votes, and you know it.
-Having the votes doesn't matter if the Ieader decides there isn't gonna be a vote.
There is gonna be a vote, and if there isn't we'II offer the wage hike as an amendment on everything that moves.
Say that again.
You heard me the first time.
Do you not remember I' m the same person who bought you a can of syrup? What have I done to make you think I' m scared of you? -The Patients' Bill of Rights.
-We can talk about it? We can spend 1 5 minutes on dropping the Iitigation shield.
-In exchange for what? -Some flowers.
-In exchange for what? -The spirit of bipartisanship.
In exchange for what? I want the press conference at the Hill.
Our guys are tired of Iooking Iike the president's stupid cousin.
That's all? You want the press conference on the Hill? Done.
C.
J.
Cregg says no.
C.
J.
works for me.
-Thank you for breakfast.
-You're welcome.
-Charlie.
-Yes, sir.
-Who's the next meeting? -Kim Woo of Singapore.
-You want the cheat sheet? -I don't need a cheat sheet.
Kim Woo: He won a bronze medal for fencing.
He's a Buddhist.
And he enjoys European history.
You see, even though it's a handshake I make him feel Iike a friend, and that's what they call people skills.
Kim Woo's a woman, sir.
He's an OIympic athlete.
Don't say that to his face.
-Sir.
-What else? Sam jotted down some remarks for your toast at the breakfast tomorrow.
" Ladies and gentlemen.
" That's funny.
-That's funny.
She's a woman? -Yes, sir.
-Did you mark that down? -Yes, sir.
"We spend so much time demonizing the other side treating our opponents Iike threatening strangers with whom we share nothing in common that we've Iost sight, perhaps, of the greater truths.
" Did you know it's bad Iuck to toast with water? -I didn't.
-Yeah, don't toast with water.
-Should we go, sir? -It's from Greek mythology.
-You Iose your spirit.
-T o what? T o what do you Iose your spirit? That's a good question.
I could tell you, but it's better if you Iook it up.
I'II hit the Iibrary as soon as I get off work tonight at 1 a.
m.
"That we've Iost sight, perhaps, of the greater truths.
There is a Iot more that unites Americans than divides them.
" That's good.
"There's a Iot more that unites Americans than divides them.
" -Remind me to tell Sam that's good.
-Yes, sir.
And remind me not to toast with water.
-Yes, sir.
-Let's go.
I said the wrong one.
-Maybe not.
-I'm fairly certain.
-You had a 50-50 chance.
-It was Karen Cahill.
I'm sure I said the wrong one.
Why do you guys get worked up over Karen Cahill? -She's very influential.
-So are you.
-She's a columnist.
-You talk to Iots of columnists.
-She has special powers.
-You think? -Maybe you didn't get it wrong.
-I got it wrong.
-Maybe there are nuclear weapons there.
-There are barely pots and pans there.
-You think The Times will tease you? -I do.
You gotta be used to that by now.
-Yeah, here's what we'II do.
-We' re gonna do something? -You talk to her.
-I don't know her.
-You met her.
-We've been introduced.
-You said you two made a connection.
-That's true.
-Here's what you do.
-I connect with people.
You're going to the South Street exhibit? -How did you know? -You told me.
She's going.
-How do you know? -She told me.
-A Iot of reconnaissance went into this.
-You're gonna go up to her: "Hi, I'm Donna Moss.
I'm Josh Lyman's assistant.
" You had to come up to her.
She'd get a kick out of this.
Sam Seaborn's being so cute.
He thinks he may have said Kirghizstan when he meant Kazakhstan.
"Sam Seaborn's being so cute"? -It would kill you? -No.
Thank you.
Listen, I just had breakfast with Ann Stark.
-Minimum wage? -No.
-It's for the best.
-Why? -There will be a fight.
-Yes.
-T oby.
-There should be a fight.
We disagree on something important.
Which means there should be a compromise.
-It won't happen posing for a picture.
-It won't happen eating pancakes either.
Let them tell dirty jokes for 90 minutes, shake hands and start the year.
Not when it's the taxpayers' pancakes.
T axpayers will be happy the Democrats are trying to tighten their belts.
They'II put a provision of the Patient's Bill for discussion.
That's something you can disagree on.
-Fifteen minutes.
-You can shout a Iot in 1 5 minutes.
In exchange, she wants the press conference on the Hill.
She wants the whole thing on the Hill? -Yeah, Iisten-- -I said no to the split conference.
-What makes her think I'II put--? -Because I'm asking you to.
What? -That's what they get in exchange-- -You kidding? -Look-- -Are you kidding me? -Who cares where the--? -I don't even know where to start! -C.
J.
-- -But first of all if they need a response, I need 20 minutes with staff.
I can't huddle in front of the White House and congressional press corps.
There won't be a surprise.
You've decided what to say, which is not much of anything.
We don't speak for the president at the Capitol.
We don't need their microphone.
It makes us Iook Iike Iess than what we are.
In fact, it makes us Iook small.
We call tax breaks "tax reliefs" refuse to discuss raising the salary of those Iiving in poverty arguing about seating and you think that'II make us Iook small? We' re talking about the no-Iitigation clause for 1 5 minutes.
I don't care if the damn press conference is outside the Rotary CIub.
It shouldn't be me, then.
It should be Henry.
Fine.
It should be the deputy.
-I'II tell Ann it's not gonna be you.
-I think this is a bad idea.
First visual is that Congress is the seat of power and the president's irrelevant.
Not only that, but you just took my Iegs out from under me with Ann.
Are you ordering me to move it to the Hill? -I don't Iike doing that.
-You're gonna have to.
Do it.
-It's about to start.
-C.
J.
Steve, you should be on the Hill.
I'm gonna watch it on TV.
Are you thinking about moving the press room across the street? -No.
-I heard you were discussing it.
-From who? -Chris.
It's starting.
-She was sure you were discussing it.
-Why? She got called by a pollster, who asked her how she felt-- She got called by a pollster? -She herself got called? -It's starting.
-Anyway-- -Let me get into it.
Thanks.
Good morning.
We 're joined today with Congressman Dade Congressman Shallick, Senator Hammond and then Senator Ford.
Unfortunately, the majority leader has a sore throat and is unable to join us.
He 's gone back to his office.
We concluded a frank and productive meeting-- -When did he get a sore throat? -I don't-- She took the majority Ieader off the board.
--bipartisanship, as we face the coming Iegislative session.
We'II answer questions for a few moments this morning.
Yes.
Was the Patients' Bill of Rights discussed? The Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act, it was discussed - though I hesitate to comment-- -She took him off the board.
Was it a balance thing? No, she didn't want balance.
-She wanted power.
-Maybe-- Why did she take her boss off the board? We discussed the litigation clause, but I don 't wanna get into the specifics.
-We' re about to get hit.
-What about the minimum wage hike? The wage hike was not discussed.
Well, are you considering a $2 increase over two years? We want the same thing over three years.
Certainly the leader's position 's-- Call on Simon.
We didn't discuss it.
Craig? Call on Simon.
Is it fair to say it's the majority Ieader holding this up and not the majority? I don't think it's fair to say either.
In the back.
Simon.
Congressman, I'm quoting a senior White House aide who says they have the votes.
The aide said unless they get a straight up or down vote from the Ieader-- This is the quote, "We'II attach it as an amendment to everything that moves.
" -Could you say that again? - The senior aide said-- I don 't wanna comment on this.
I think I'd like to get back to the breakfast meeting and then for-- Excuse me, but I'm sorry.
My friend from Michigan is too polite to comment on this.
I'm not burdened by any such sense of etiquette.
-Congressman.
- This is disgraceful.
The record should show a spitball contest was begun behind our backs through the press and before the 107th Congress was even gaveled into session.
You want some quotes? Open your note pads.
It's T oby.
It is sadly not atypical of this White House to make a public show-- -I' m the senior aide.
-No kidding.
Get me Henry.
We came here in an honest effort-- Henry.
I've got Henry.
What do you want? If the White House says one thing to our face and another to us through the media if the White House ambushes us with ultimatums in the press-- What do you want me to do, T oby? Don't Iet him take the podium.
He'II take questions in the briefing room in 20 minutes.
Henry, get home.
Congressman, one last question! Does the White House really have the vote? What the hell happened? That was me.
I gave Ann Stark the quote, and she fed it to a reporter.
-Why'd you give her the quote? -It wasn't a quote.
-What was it? -I told her we had the votes-- She knows we have the votes.
She was promoted to chief of staff for the Senate majority Ieader.
You don't think she knows we have the votes? I misunderstood our relationship.
Now it Iooks Iike we went to the press and went for his knees.
Excuse me, but T oby's not the one who gave it to the press.
Will the majority Ieader believe that? -No.
-It was a breakfast.
It was a damn photo opportunity.
The year is one week old.
The Iegislative session hasn't begun.
We can't put a forkful of waffles in our mouth without coughing up the ball.
You got beat.
Yes.
I have press in 1 0 minutes.
Figure it out.
T ell me what you're gonna do.
We can take the highroad say we don't want it to disintegrate into a war of words.
We don't wanna disrupt a fragile peace.
It's been disrupted.
We're accused of ambushing the majority Ieader.
Labor's gonna want to know we stand by the minimum wage.
Why don't we have the Labor secretary make a statement? -We support the $2 minimum wage.
-Let's emphasize how close we are.
We support the $2 minimum-wage hike spread over two years.
The Republicans want it over three years.
We're close.
It sounds Iike we're close to agreeing on 30 months, which we're not.
No one will cover a statement from a Labor secretary which is good because it'd Iook Iike we were ducking.
-No, I don't think-- -She's right.
We can't be passive, and the highroad doesn't go where we need it to.
Be cool.
Be funny.
Smack them down hard.
The majority Ieader is out of touch with the needs of real people.
Why wasn't he at the podium? A sore throat? We know how tough that is.
Thank goodness he had health insurance.
-There it is.
-That's the sound bite.
And that's the new story.
-T oby? -Do it.
Carol, I need voting stats on health care.
Five minutes.
How's this for a phrase? You can Iay down in front of the train, or you can get onboard.
That's a really bad phrase.
Is it better if it's, "You can get onboard the train or Iay down in front of it"? No, it's really bad either way.
Josh, this was delivered by messenger.
What is it? It's-- Wait, wait.
No, damn, my x-ray vision is failing me today.
Give me that.
-How'd it go? -Last night? Did you talk to her? I explained you said Kirghizstan when you meant Kazakhstan.
Did you say it was cute how I worried? -I did.
-Did I get it wrong? -She said she wasn't really Iistening.
-Okay.
I had a most stimulating conversation with her.
It was pithy.
It was erudite.
And most of all, it required no follow-up explanation.
-Donna? -What was in the envelope? Your underwear.
What? I'm holding your underwear in my hand right now.
And the way I know it's your underwear is, your name is sewn in the back which, obviously, we'II spend some time talking about at a Iater date.
How did you get my underwear? Did you wear the same pair of pants two days in a row this week? -No.
-Donna? -Yes.
-Okay when you got dressed on day two did you check the pant Ieg for the previous day's underwear? -I don't need to check the pant Ieg-- -Donna.
-They fell out of my pants? -It would appear that way.
Where? The South Street exhibit.
-Where? -On the floor, in front of Karen Cahill.
-T ell me she's not the one-- -She sent a note.
Fred and Ethel, would you follow me, please? I think she's talking about us.
Did a question get tacked on to the monthly DNC tracking poll -about moving the press room? -Yes because I wanted to shoot down the argument the public-- The public gets news from the press, and the press gets news-- It's a private poll.
The press doesn't have access to it.
They don't know what questions we' re asking? Are you sure? The only way they'd know what questions were asked is if they were called by one of the pollsters and-- Oh, my God! -Yes.
-A reporter got called by a pollster? Yes, indeed.
Yes.
-What are the chances of that? -They' re astronomical.
-Guys.
-They sample 800 respondents.
Would the two of you stop being amazed by the mathematics? AII right, I'd pass it off.
Say some schnook in the management office wanted to kick it around.
Sam? It's gonna be me, right? -Okay.
-You ready? You had a Iot of opportunities today to say I told you so and score some points with Leo.
You' re a class act.
Why were you holding women's underwear before? Never really needed a reason.
Heat them up.
C.
J.
C.
J.
White House press secretary C.
J.
Cregg characterized the Republican response as bizarre.
There was no intent to ambush the Republican Party with an issue that's been on the table for a year.
Ann Stark, recently installed chief of staff in the majority leader's office said she was surprised by the White House-- And shocked.
Shocked to discover there's gambling going on in this establishment.
Maybe if you'd gotten me a gift of some kind.
You think this is funny? You used to have a sense of humor, T oby.
-You never had a sense of humor.
-Ann-- I think you'II have to get next to the idea -your party isn't in the majority.
-My party's in the White House.
A building to which the Constitution does not endow sovereign power.
You think I'II sit around while you reduce the president to prime minister? Stand or sit.
We' re in the majority, and things are gonna have to Iook it.
And by the way, don't ever walk into my office without an appointment.
You'd think this could wait until an election year.
-When is it not an election year? -T en years ago, we'd sit down.
We'd order a couple of bourbons.
We'd talk about health care.
We'd talk about the minimum wage.
He didn't have a sore throat.
No.
You kept him off the board so he could come back on and fix it.
-When will you announce? -Announce what? That he's running for president.
I' m pretty sure we just did.
I'm gonna read a short statement in response to the rather bizarre take on-- I think the whole damn thing is bizarre.
I don't know if this is the right moment-- -Right moment for what? -Donna Moss needs a favor.
While talking to Karen Cahill, she accidentally dropped her underwear.
She feels Karen Cahill may have misinterpreted that.
Donna asked me to ask you if you'd call Karen Cahill and make it clear she wasn't making a sexual advance.
I' m not sure there is a right moment to ask me that, Charlie.
So I should tell her no.
-Good evening, Mr.
President.
-Donna wants me to call Karen Cahill and say she wasn't hitting on her when she gave her her underwear.
That's because I made fun of her shoes .
.
Sam said there were nuclear weapons in Kirghizstan and Donna went to clear it up and accidentally Ieft her underwear.
There can't possibly be nuclear weapons in Kirghizstan.
Mr.
President, please don't wade hip-deep into this story.
Sir? T oby.
I'm going to bed.
If anybody thinks of new ways for us to make friends don't hesitate to wake me, or just feel free to start a fire.
-Thank you, Mr.
President.
-Good night.
T oby.
He didn't wanna see me.
He'II be all right in the morning.
You're the communications director.
It was a TV show.
It was a blunder from top to bottom.
You should know that it could've been avoided if I'd Iistened to C.
J.
Or me.
AIexander Hamilton didn't think we should have political parties.
Neither did John Adams.
They thought political parties Ied to divisiveness.
They do.
They should.
We have disagreements.
Arguments are good.
Only if they Iead to statesmanship.
Or it's just theater.
And statesmanship is compromise.
What about persuasion? They' re coming for us, Leo.
I know.
I mean, they' re coming for us now.
T oby, if you knew what it was Iike getting him to run the first time.
-I know.
-Like pushing molasses up a sandy hill.
If I go and tell him it's time to run again, he's gonna get crazy and frustrated.
He's gonna sink into his head.
And he's gonna say he's not running.
So we've gotta do it for him.
We'II keep it away from this office but we've gotta get real now.
Ann Stark's a wartime consigliere.
That's why she was bumped up.
I'm a wartime consigliere too, T oby.
I was just hoping it'd be peacetime a Iittle Ionger.
Son of a bitch.
Shake my hand.
-We just formed it.
-Formed what? The Committee to Re-elect the President.