Web Therapy (2011) s02e11 Episode Script

Narrator: Previously on Web Therapy - I find it interesting that you feel as if your-- Your childhood was a happy one.
Well, gee, I don't know, a child who's loved, been adored by her parents? Mom hated you.
You know that.
All right, Shevaun, you win, and I-- I'll have to ask you to call me Dr.
Haig.
- So I need your help, actually.
- Oh.
My therapist, uh, feels that it would be productive for me to exorcise this kind of, um, demon.
I would--I would love if you and I could get together, - uh, maybe for a weekend.
- Oh, no.
Robin Greiner, it was crucial that she be paid by the campaign because she's been blackmailing us.
She is the woman that tried to have an affair with Kip, but didn't have a penis.
So you knowingly put a blackmailer in the center of our campaign with-- She would've gone to the media with that, so I saved you once again.
[Jazz music.]
[Computer beeps.]
Hi, Newell.
It's me.
It's Fiona.
- Hi, what-- - Hello.
I was just checking in.
It's like-- It's like magic.
Well, it's a-- Well, it's-- Skype.
Not magic, really.
I was just--But, I mean, I was just thinking about you.
- That's so crazy.
- Oh, you were? That is crazy.
I was just checking in to see where we were with our arrangement.
- Oh.
- Had you in fact gone to see - a new therapist? - Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for that referral.
That was-- - Oh, you got my email, then.
- She's--She's unbelievable.
- Oh, good, I thought-- - You just--it's a game changer.
- That's all I can say.
- That's wonderful.
Uh, she gave me a cocktail of two or three medications - that are-- - Doesn't matter, yeah.
Are really, like, they're just-- They make things clearer - Clearer? - And, um-- - You seem clearer.
- Yeah.
That's wonderful.
I'm so happy for you.
It's really her that I'm responding to.
She's got this--She's-- First of all, she's so sweet.
She's so intuitive and sensitive and she's funny, and--and kind of sexy, you know, the way she-- - Yeah, oh.
- Yeah, and-- - Well, I thought Shevaun would be a good match for you.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yes, she is, she is a good match for me.
That's what I keep thinking, and I--I know-- - You're not wrong.
- Really? 'Cause I don't know if you're supposed to go there with a th-- But it's like I can't stop thinking about that.
I think it would be a good move for you at this point.
You know? She is married, but for you to get involved - So what? Yes.
- With someone who's not available is a big step.
Thank--That's what I keep saying to myself, and I'm so relieved to hear that, because, um, - you know, I don't know-- - No, sometimes you need, you know, permission from sort of a--Yeah.
A little push, I guess.
A little push.
But she's--Yeah, she's awe-- How do you know her, anyway? How did you-- Do you work together? Oh, no, well, we're colleagues, of course - Right.
- And we go way back.
We were, you know, sisters at one time.
- Right.
- So-- What do you mean? Well, we were sisters.
We are sisters.
We share the same parents.
- [Laughs.]
- So that's how I know her.
- No, come on.
- Oh, I--I'm--I mean it.
It's true, yes.
Harvard-educated, she's a psychopharmacologist, wonderful at dispensing meds, and-- Wait, wait, wait, I'm sor-- Hold on, hold on, what do you mean s-- You were sisters at one point? Oh, well, our parents divorced, and I lived with our father and she lived with our mother.
- With Shevaun.
- Shevaun.
Shevaun Haig.
- That's your s-- - Married, she has four children.
But that's--She's got-- - That's your sister? - Yes, but I know she's good at what she does.
Yes.
In fa--And it's funny, in fact, you know, I went to University of Pennsylvania because she had gone there during summers-- She's a little older than I am, and she's the one who recommended I take that, um, the--that class, - the antics class-- - Ethic--Ethics.
- Ethics, ethics class.
- With my father? - Yes.
Yes, I think-- - That was her idea? Well, she had taken the class, and I remember her saying, "Oh, Professor Miller is wonderful, you have to-- You have to take that class.
" It's funny, I also remember when I--my grades were faltering, she said, "Oh, just sleep with the Professor.
" I guess that was her trick.
Yeah.
No, she seemed to know your father very well.
- Shevaun and my father.
- In fact, it's funny, because in those days her hair wasn't dark at all, it was blonde, - like a golden sort of-- - What is--What are you--? Blonde, I guess, sun-kissed.
- What are you saying? - You know what else is funny? That backpack had been hers.
- No.
- So--Well, you know, you get hand-me-downs.
- No, that's not-- - That's not possible.
- So all of your relics - seem to go back to Shevaun.
- I-- Oh, what a funny coincidence that is.
I have to see Shevaun.
Oh, yeah, you should see her, and maybe-- Maybe she's the one you need to work all this out-- - Or exorcise this obsession.
- I have to talk to her right now.
I have to figure that out.
I know in a way, she seems to be sort of the mother of this obsession, wouldn't you say? She's a fuckin' father-fucker.
Well, hello, Richard.
Hello, Robin.
Here we are, at your request.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Before we even get into it, I just--it seemed to be a little confusing the other day.
What exactly is your history together? Well, there is no history, other than we were coworkers at Lachman Brothers.
That's not what you said.
No there's--That's not--I-- There's no history.
Just like your history.
You're coworkers, and how serious is it? It's not serious at all.
Oh.
Well, you're not surprised by that.
He's a rebound from Kip.
Come on, you know that.
- Kip? Were you--You dated-- - You are a rebound from Kip.
- Of course.
- You dated Kip? - Well, yeah.
- She's married to Kip.
- No, right.
- Well, no, I-- I would have been more involved with him if he weren't gay, - but-- - He's not gay.
He's not gay.
- Kip's not gay.
- Right.
That's right.
- Kip's married to Fiona.
- Okay, should we circle back? Do you--Do you not--Does she not know what's going on - between Kip and Ben now? - I don't know what you're talking about.
Kip and Ben? - Does he not know any of this? - It's like I'm sitting - next to a crazy person.
- Well, welcome to my world.
Kip and Ben work out together.
I know that.
Maybe they take a spin class.
Uh, is "spin" a euphemism for something else? Because there's a lot going on more than spinning - Oh, no.
- Unless you're spinning - each other.
- Oh, really? No, that's-- I know what she's implying.
You have to stop saying that at the campaign headquarters.
- And that's inappropriate.
- Okay, well, I don't know why-- It is inappropriate and it's not true.
That's a I-- - It's not true! - That's mean.
I can say it and I could prove it.
I have surveillance tapes of the whole thing.
What? What are you saying? I might have planted a few cameras in some places.
Hidden cameras? Illegally hidden cameras? You say, "illegal," I say, "crafty.
" She has some-- She's pushed something together with fancy editing, the magic of movie-making, I'm sure.
Okay, you can believe me or not.
What is it? What is it, Robin? You want to bring down the campaign to what? Get back at me for I don't know what? - For being attractive? - I don't need to-- To men that you wanted? I--I feel like I don't even know you right now.
- You don't know me at all.
- I feel--I feel-- You don't know her.
If you have warm feelings for her, - then you don't know her.
- Well, he doesn't know me, but you know me, and you know that I have - the surveillance tapes.
- You need to hand over - the tapes, Robin.
- Well, I'm not gonna do that.
- Because we--We-- - Well, you have to.
You have a contract with the campaign, - I'd like to remind you - Yeah.
- Which will be null and void - Well, I-- If you don't hand over the tapes.
They belong to the campaign.
Okay I'm not handing over the tapes.
- Well, you have to.
- I don't have-- You have to, because they belong to us.
That money belongs to the campaign.
First of all, would you keep-- Can you not-- You're spitting on me and it's a little much, and I don't know what you had for lunch - You know, you have this-- - But it's making me nauseous, - so here's the thing-- - I had crab cakes.
- Yeah, I--Ooh.
- What is your point? My point is, stop yelling.
I'm not giving you the tapes, I'm not giving you the tapes, and that's all.
You're a very destructive woman.
You're very self-destructive.
You're in a perfectly wonderful relationship with this guy, - who's--Who's fine.
- This guy? Oh, please.
Maybe not fantastic, but he's fine.
- He seems to love you - What? - He doesn't love me.
- And all he's asking you to do is to [Stutters.]
hand over tapes.
- It's small request.
- Okay, well, that was lovely, but he doesn't love me.
He actually is in love with you.
- That's not true.
- It is true.
- Have you seen his screen saver? - That's not true.
That's not-- - What? - His screen saver is a picture of you.
- He's totally-- - Really? - Which one? - Screen saver.
It's not the one that you sent.
It's-- It's not that flattering.
- Don't ask to see it.
- No, it's--it's a good one, - but it's-- - No, I'm not asking to see it.
- All right.
- It's not that good.
It's not the one with the nipples.
- What? - It's not the one you sent me - with the nipples.
- I didn't send you one - with nipples.
- Yes, you did.
- Ew.
- I--well, I mean, they're there somewhere, because I have them.
You were in a see-through blouse and you had nipples.
- All right, all right.
- Could you give me some of those pictures? 'Cause I'll keep them with the tapes.
- No.
No, you need-- - No, don't give her-- I-I think that you need to give the tapes back.
- That's insid-- - I would never give her - those tapes.
- That's sociopathic behavior.
It's worse, it's psychopathic behavior.
Oh, well, I'm gonna hang on to them, because clearly-- That's mean.
That's really mean.
- You're calling me mean? - You're being very mean.
I've been dating you for months.
I'm nice.
You really think I would date you? You're ridiculous.
First of all, you're boring.
You're dull.
Your breath always smells like crab cakes, and-- We--You've-- You've had sex with me.
Well, if you could call it sex.
Was that all pretend? How far did it go? Yeah.
- What does that mean? - [Laughs.]
I don't know whether that means it's far or not.
- [Laughs.]
- It's like--I don't know.
- Oral.
- What? - Oral.
- I heard you.
I don't understand a few things.
I don't understand why you think that a night of boggle - is an interesting thing to do.
- Boggle is fun.
Boggle is fun.
I don't understand why you think that taking a bath every night without me in it, just for you, - is a fun thing to do.
- I have to take a bath.
- And what's with your-- - Everybody bathes.
What's with your compulsn to touch my elbows in bed? - Like, that is not sexy.
- That's a sensual spot.
It says it.
I read that in a book.
And by the way, why do you have a Brazilian? That's for women.
- All right, you know what? - You told me to get a Brazilian.
You told me to get it.
I'm pretty sure I didn't.
I said, "maybe you might want to think about visiting Brazil.
" - All right, Robin.
- I was confused.
- I was confused.
- You know what, Robin? - You're fired.
- Excuse me? You're fired.
You're no longer needed here.
You sure you want to do that, given what I have and know? Yes.
You're fired.
Scram.
- You'll be sorry.
- Don't think so.
You'll be sorry.
You should go to the dentist.
I'm mad at you.
I'm not talking to you.
Don't expect a phone call tonight.
We're-- We're done.
Well, good for you, Richard.
You really stood up for yourself.
All right, well, we'll just have to cut our losses - [Crying.]
- And see what comes ne--What? Are you crying or are you laughing with relief? Are you crying fr--What--Richard? - [Choked inhale.]
- That's great.
She takes off, now I have to clean up the mess.
I'm sorry that your feelings got hurt, Richard.
Could you please go? Excuse me, could you please go? [Sobs.]
Well, that's throwing your weight around at the-- You could've done it sooner with Robin.
Thank you, Fiona.
I appreciate it.
I, uh I didn't know how to Get her out of my life, but she's been a very negative source.
It seems so.
I-I felt like I was addicted to her.
And she was-- She was my drug, and you flushed her down the toilet.
Yes, that's right.
I-I did that for you.
- Thank you, Fiona, I-- - Well, you're welcome.
I love you, too.
I love you, too.
[Mouse clicking.]
Fiona: "As far as I kn--" So who should we ask? - Five views? - Ladies and gentlemen - But I've seen it three times.
- And fellow Americans, good afternoon.
So only two other people have watched it? Thank you for coming out today.
I'm sure you're aware of some things that have happened.
What's this--Viral? What is viral? [Mouse clicks.]
[Rhythmic beat playing.]
Good afternoon.
Ladies and gentlemen Oh, that's cute.
Good afternoon.
- I'm coming out today.
- What? - I love my campaign manager - Oh.
- Ben Tomlund.
- Oh.
He's a top I'm a bottom I like it hard and long - Oh.
- I like it hard and long he's a top I'm a bottom [Mouse clicks.]
Well Internet is just a wasteland for the empty-headed.
[Computer trilling.]
Oh, Jerome.
- Hi, Fiona.
- Hayley, you're here.
- Yeah.
- You're in my office.
I am, I am.
Uh, sorry to surprise you.
I-I know you're--You-- It probably is weird to see me.
It's weird.
It's very weird.
I don't know what you're doing here.
Yeah, I know.
Um, well, first of all, I-I just wanted to say that, uh, I know the last time we saw each other, it was - Not good for anybody.
- No.
But in my defense, that wasn't my fault.
Well, in my defense, having 12 nail clippers and a razor blade and a couple other things in my bag that I didn't put there, I-I was just in shock.
No, but Jerome had asked me to put something else, to sneak it into your carry-on.
It was a gift for you from, you know And--And it got confused with another package - that was put in by accident.
- Oh.
- That was meant for charity - Okay.
The scissors and the clippers and the razor blades.
- I don't wanna - For grooming.
- For the needy.
- Get into "he said, she said.
" - I just wanted to say - Well, I'm saying.
That I'm happy to be here, and I'm sorry that I threw a coin tray at your face.
- You have very good aim.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
Lucky I didn't lose a tooth or get scarred.
But, um, I hope you can forgive me, and I-I forgive you for anything I forgive you, yes.
You might have done to-- To put me in jeopardy and keep me detained for 12 hours.
- Unintentionally.
- So let's just start over.
- Let's--Oh, good, all right.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Hit the reset button.
- Reset! - There.
- [Uneasy laugh.]
- Good.
- Okay, great.
All right, well, it was wonderful seeing you.
I'm gonna wait till Jerome gets here - to tell you what we actually-- - Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Ooh, excuse me, sorry, but-- Sorry I'm late for our 12:00.
- What? - We were--Had--Oh, yeah, yeah.
- We don't have a 12:00.
- Yes, we do.
I put it in the calendar, "12:00 with Hayley.
" It's a conference, like-- No, I have nothing in my calendar.
Ugh, I forgot to hit enter.
[Computer beeps.]
WaitThere.
You see it in your calendar? - Yes, it's there now.
- Conference.
Confence with Hayley and Jerome.
Did you tell her the good news? - No, I was waiting for you.
- You have good news? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- We have some good news.
Finally! What, quadruplets? What? - Not quadruplets.
- No, no, no.
- Not yet anyway, right? - No, well - Well - No, we, um We have managed to salvage the lifetime project.
I have to say, Hayley has really helped spearhead that.
- Thank you.
- But when we were in New York with Maxine, she hooked us up with a friend of hers at lifetime, Stacey - Mm-hmm.
- Who was so nice.
- So nice! - And funny.
With the Sushi thing and-- [Laughter.]
That's the--Stacey's the one who contacted me to say that Allegra's out but we're still gonna go on with the project.
It really turned into a kind of a great pitch meeting where Hayley-- I pitched--I pitched Whistling While I Worked as a musical, and they loved it.
- Yeah, they loved it.
- What? It's gonna be called Whistlin'.
- What? - [Whistles.]
And it's going ahead with me as the writer.
They greenlit it.
They greenlit it.
She pitched it, and they bought it in the room, yeah.
I don't like musicals.
- Well, no.
- You will.
- Oh, you will, you will.
- You're gonna love this.
I mean, they were already thinking about how, like, on the radio, you're just gonna hear [whistles.]
And people are gonna know.
Well, the dogs will know to become alert.
That sounds like a horrible marketing campaign.
You, Fiona, no, you are the heart of this project.
- Absolutely.
- I mean, you're the reason why this is gonna work, you know? Right, so how did it go ahead without me? - Well-- - I promise you-- I mean, surely they wouldn't mind just the regular, dramatic-- - They love that narrative.
- I think that they-- They love it, but they wanted, you know, panache, and I think this really gives it color and shape.
It was--it was really hard to find a way into the character in the dramatic form that it was in.
It was hard to find a way into sort of the stone - Such an unlikable - The cold Blackhearted person.
- Unsympathetic.
- It's a strong person.
A str--A strong, weak person.
- Yeah.
- What? This way you can see what's really happening inside.
- What's underneath that.
- You can see the self-hatred.
- Yeah.
- You know? And you can see-- You can see the vulnerability - That's right.
- And the lack of self-respect.
- Mm-hmm, it's really great.
- It's fantastic.
Well, that doesn't sound-- And there's a beautiful, beautiful torch song.
- Oh, yeah.
- The first couple of lyrics are, um, "I've spent so much time" "with self-hatred, it's taking a toll, "And now there's nothing left inside but a black hole.
" It's beautiful.
You're gonna love it.
Um, there's love, what's that? It's a whole story about how you don't know how to love or how to receive love.
And it comes and knocks on the door, and it's like, what's that? And you're like, "who are you? What--" - And yeah, and they tap - It's great.
And they all come in, and it's like, "hey, what's that?" You got it--You have to see-- This sounds like a different person, though.
- No, no, no, it's-- - So maybe change the name, and then I'm on board.
Call her Ramona.
I can't, I can't.
I've come up with so many - It's so identifiable.
- So many rhymes for Fiona.
Oh, yes, there are so many rhymes for Fiona.
- She owns ya.
- Yeah, she owns ya.
- What? - She's not full of bologna.
- She is full of bologna.
- She's--Oh, you changed it? - She is full of bologna.
- Yeah, yeah.
All right, and she's all alone-ya.
- Yeah.
- Those aren't words.
But also, you know, especially after the campaign and all of that, they are very excited - About capitalizing - Oh, they're freaking.
- on that sort of - I'm sure they are.
- Victimization of the tyrant.
- What? Who? - Yeah.
- What? It's a very exciting time.
You will be the victim with a tiny, tiny victory No, no, I think you ne to make her triumphant.
Because no one wants At the end.
To be in a state of victim-- No one wants to watch anyone in a state of victimhood.
- Right.
- Yes they do.
Yeah, they do, especially with music.
Well, I say no, they don't.
They don't without music, - but with music, they do.
- Music, they love it.
Well, with music, everyone becomes the victim, so I think that's where you're confused.
Well, I'm so happy to hear that you're accepting this proposal.
- I mean, it's a done deal, but - Hayley's been writing - music and lyrics.
- Well, here's what I know.
- As long as I get paid for it - Oh, yeah.
Go ahead and write the musical that will never fly.
Great, great.
And I get money for nothing.
We're gonna workshop it.
We'll totally workshop it you'll get to see a lot of the numbers.
- It takes a while, yeah.
- I love you, I hate me.
Sounds like this is something that will keep you busy - Yes.
- While I need you.
This is--Well, this is the thing.
I mean, this is why it's kind of an exciting time for all of us.
I'm gonna be taking a little bit of a leave, because I've been working a lot with Dr.
Hodge.
Who's Dr.
Hodge? You can't possibly be talking about my mother, because she's not a doctor, Jerome.
Oh, well, she-- She told me she got accredited.
I mean, Net Therapy is already-- We bought the domain name, and she's already gonna be up and runnin and has offered me a really good position with slightlySlightly better benefits and more money.
Only slightly? Then why go? - To more money.
- And health benefits.
And also it offers an opportunity for Hayley now to step in.
She's, like, basically - she's got my eyes and my ears.
- Your what? You guys are gonna be working together.
Hayley will step in for me while I'm with Dr.
Hodge - to work for you.
- Oh, no.
That won't work.
That won't work at all.
I think it will.
No, I-we don't really get along, - so I don't think that will work.
- I think we're doing great.
Yes.
I mean, I have to tell you, Hayley has really come a long way this year.
You--You've done such great work on yourself.
- Thank you.
- I'm so proud of her.
- Good.
- She started doing-- At the same place that the lamaze classes that we were going to with Tammy, - there's a quorum.
- A quorum.
And you really-- You've popped this year.
- Thank you.
- You've sort of I can't really discuss it with you, 'cause I think that you're still in your own racket.
- M-my--I'm in-- - You're pre-raised.
You'd--Sorry.
- I'm what, pre-raised? - I don't-- - Pre-raised.
It's fine.
It's-- We'll explain it, you know, as - Was it a poker game or a - No, it's, uh No, Hayley's buried the racket.
You haven't buried the racket.
Y-you'll see.
I buried my racket.
But this year's part of the growth.
It's part of what you're gonna benefit from - in working with her, yeah.
- You will benefit from it.
My self-actualization is beneficial to everybody around me.
Well, I don't need it.
Okay, yeah, a lot of people-- See, she's doing it.
Because it still not certain that I will be working with you.
- Yeah, it's the-- - It's okay.
You know, 'cause what it seems like is that I still do have a say in what happens in my life.
- It's the shroud.
Right.
- And right now, I say no.
- The shroud.
- I say no, Jerome.
That's the shroud, that's her shroud.
You cannot go work for my mother, the horrible Putsy Hodge.
Okay.
You cannot--She can't steal you away from me.
It's a horrible idea.
Okay.
Well, you know what? This is okay.
Because we'll do the other project.
- Good! - The other option.
I failed to mention this part of it, - but I guess I'll tell you.
- Yeah, Stacey.
You know, I've done this sort of overall deal with Stacey at Lifetime.
She's great.
- No, I've heard.
- And she's really interested in my other project, um, which is something I'm writing for her called My Husband, Her Slave, which is an account of a weak man - Well, is that-- - Who's trapped-- Is that how you pitched it? You told me "Accommodating.
" I said-- I said "Accommodating.
" Oh, "Accommodating," all right.
Yeah, yeah.
A very accommodating man who's trapped between his lover and his partner and his supporter and his overbearing.
- Um, hateful boss.
- It's loosely based on truth.
'Cause I've been journaling all this year.
- He's been journaling.
- About my experiences - working with you.
- He saved all your emails.
- Our relationship, yeah.
- So my emails you have.
- Some recordings, I think.
- You have my emails.
What does Stacey say? That-- Stacey said that toxic bosses are hot this year.
So this is a perfect time.
Then go write something fictional about a toxic boss.
- It's really non-fiction.
- I had nothing to do with that.
- This is really-- - I have an inadequate employee who needs, umyou know, redirection from time to time.
A lot of it comes from sort of what she knows - really happens in truth.
- In truth - Between you two.
- Your truth.
And I want to share that story with the world, so that's what I'll do if I'm not working here.
Yeah.
The videos, I think, are very telling-- You know what, I guess, ultimately, it doesn't matter, becauseI have other plans.
I still have Austen, so - You can do what you want.
- Yeah, which is good.
I'll be in New York.
However you can make yourself feel good about it.
That's actually very-- She kind of was raised just now.
Yeah, I think you just got to raise level.
I think you popped.
You popped.
You just--You just-- You just shackled your racket.
I feel so weird, like, having just watched that.
- Yeah.
- Maybe I'll move to New York.
[Computer beeps.]
- Fiona - Yes, you're home.
I didn't know you were even here.
And you've put yourself back in the closet.
Mm-hmm.
We need to talk.
Uh,-- You're joining a country music band? No, I'm going to Santa Fe, New Mexico with Ben.
- Oh.
- We need-- We need a little time apart.
- And, uh-- - You and I? Yes, you and I, that's right.
Uh, and Ben's family has a ranch there, and I'm just gonna chill out and just get my head together and figure out what I want to do next.
But we have to, uh I-I don't want any communication for a little while.
I'm--I'm just too burnt out, too upset.
O-okay, but this is-- You're not Filing for divorce? No, I'm not filing for divorce.
- But you're upset.
- Yes, of course I'm upset.
- I have upset you.
- Yes, you have.
- Somehow.
- Yeah, well--Somehow? You've had an affair with your campaign manager.
- How dare-- - But I have upset you.
How dare you say that of-- An affair? I-I don't know-- I don't know where you get that.
- A tryst? - Look, Robin-- If you hadn't fired Robin, none of this would have come out, and we'd-- I'd be in Congress, and you'd be the congressman's wife.
If you hadn't mistaken Robin for a transvestite-- Look, can we just not fight right now? Can we just take it e-- Take a little time and just remember some of the good times? All right, yes, we should remember the good times, I suppose.
Yeah.
Right now? You want to do that right now? - Yeah, right now.
- All right.
Oh, the--the-- No, that wasn't so good.
I've had good times.
I'm just trying to remember if you were there.
- Hello, Austen.
- Fiona, how are you? I'm wonderful.
I have very exciting news to tell you.
Well, it's an exciting time.
It is, it is! Okay, so after Kip stepped down, you know-- Wise of you not to be around, by the way.
- Absolutely, but list-- - This wonderful video, though, I don't know if you saw it on the Internet.
It was this autotune thing sort of.
They, you know, put-- Set it to music, and it sounds like he's singing.
Like rr-rr-rr-rr, like Cher? No, like a rap thing, you know.
- Justin Bieber? - I-I-I don't-- Wh-you know--it was very-- About balls and things.
It was very funny.
I was heavily featured.
Great, great.
Not negative, I don't think, toward me.
You looked very beautiful and dignified, -standing beside him.
- Thank you very much.
Thank you.
It was a wise decision.
Anyway, so now what's happened is all of our dreams can now come true.
Kip has moved out.
He is moving out of Philadelphia.
He's moving to the Southwest somewhere with Ben, either New Mexico or Arizona.
I don't remember which.
- Together? - Ben Tomlund and Kip, together.
- A couple? - Yes.
Gosh, you'd think if you were going to run off with your boyfriend, you'd go to a more gay-friendly state.
Well, I think it's okay in Santa Fe or somewhere in there.
I don't really know.
How does that-- How do you feel about that? I feel wonderful about that.
It's everything we had planned and sort of promised, you know, that after the campaign is over, you and I are free to be together, so - Great.
- I'm so excited - Me too.
- To move to New York! I can be your hostess and your companion and - Yes.
- We can be together finally, not in the secrets and I want that more than anything else in the world, Fiona.
- You sound hesitant.
- I'm not hesitant, I'm-- If you're worried that I'm going to insist we get married, please be assured I won't, because we're not getting divorced, Kip and I.
No, Fiona, it's--it's not that.
Oh, my God! [indistinct.]
I took a pregnancy test four times, and I got four pluses.
We are having quadruplets, daddy.
- Hello, Gina.
- Hi, Fiona.
This is not how it looks.
Fiona How does it look? He's a top I'm a bottom I like it hard and long I like it hard and long he's a top I'm a bottom I like it hard and long I like it hard and long I'm a proud American I've been at the bottom and I've come from behind I like it I like that position lick it balls in the air lick it, lick it lick it, lick this it hurts I can take it he's a top (Hey) I'm a bottom (Ho) I like it hard and long I like it hard and long he's a top (Hey) I'm a bottom (Ho) I like it hard and long I like it hard and long my lovely wife, Fiona the perfect wife she likes to watch I love it! - She likes to watch - I love it! Love it, love it, love it, love it.
- Lick it, lick it.
- Love it, love it.
He's a top I'm a bottom I like it hard and long I like it hard and long he's a top I'm a bottom I like it hard and long I like it hard and long he's a top I'm a bottom I like it hard and long I like it hard and long he's a top I'm a bottom I like it hard and long I like it hard and long I love it!