Animaniacs (2020) s02e12 Episode Script

theme song playing ♪
‐ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
‐ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
‐ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan‐ey, totally insane‐y ♪
‐ Wagon trainy ♪
‐ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
♪
[thunder]
[excited grunt]
[animals grunt]
[grunting]
‐ Eh, the ark is full! Take the next one!
sad music ♪
[thunder]
[ship horn]
[gasping]
tropical music ♪
‐ You guys need a ride?
[cheering]
♪
[squawk]
I haven't seen this many
twisted characters
since Steve Carell started
chasing an Oscar.
[rimshot]
[splash]
‐ Is that everybody?
MONSTERS:
Mm‐hmm.
dramatic sting ♪
‐ Somebody left their kid!
‐ Ooh! You get some chives,
some ched, some chopped ham,
and you got yourself
a classy little omelet station!
‐ Nobody puts baby in an omelet.
[thunder]
♪
[creaking]
[thunder]
Excuse me! Did any of you
cold‐blooded monsters
‐ Or warm‐blooded monsters.
‐ leave an egg outside?
MONSTERS:
Mm‐mmm.
‐ Aw shucks. No one claimed it.
I'll give it a good home.
‐ Not so fast, Wakko.
We have to find out who
this egg belongs to.
Excuse me, ma'am, is this thing yours? ♪
It's just I saw those purple claws ♪
And couldn't help but notice they're ♪
The same shade as this shell ♪
‐ A griffin? Ha! No way, Jose ♪
‐ Let's serve it poached
with Hollandaise ♪
‐ The egg is not for eating ♪
‐ We could fry it up as well ♪
‐ Besides, li'l sis, it isn't hers ♪
‐ But she's got wings! ♪
‐ And she's got fur, and mammals ♪
Don't lay eggs unless
they are a monotreme ♪
‐ A monotreme? ♪
‐ Like platypi ♪
Echidnas, too, I think ♪
‐ Hey, guys, it isn't mine ♪
‐ I knew it ♪
‐ Darn! ♪
‐ Let's scramble it with cream ♪
monsters vocalizing ♪
vocalizing continues ♪
‐ This thing has got
scales like a snake ♪
‐ Could be a dragon or a drake ♪
‐ It must belong to that guy ♪
Or at least his wife or spouse ♪
Excuse me, pal ♪
‐ Oh, hi there, hun ♪
‐ It's Benedict from season one ♪
‐ Eggs Benedict, you say? ♪
‐ Please, Wakko ♪
BOTH:
Keep it in your mouth ♪
‐ Hey, Benny boy, is this your son? ♪
‐ 'Fraid not, young friends,
I'm not the one ♪
I tread the boards alone,
an actor lives a life of pain ♪
‐ Oh please, forget we asked ♪
‐ He's such a bore ♪
‐ So maybe it's a manticore ♪
‐ That egg is looking tasty ♪
‐ We could make a quiche Lorraine ♪
ALL:
Oh
Oh
Oh!
‐ Yes! Got it.
‐ Nice save there, Gorgon,
thanks a bunch ♪
‐ Oh, it's not mine,
but I missed lunch ♪
‐ Well, so did I! ♪
‐ You give it here! ♪
‐ They're gonna start a riot! ♪
‐ Yo, sasquatch, hydra, Pegasus ♪
You, too, three heads of Cerebus! ♪
Don't eat that egg! ♪
MONSTERS: We're starving! ♪
‐ I've got a knife for carving ♪
‐ I guess I'm going on a diet ♪
monsters vocalizing ♪
[splash]
♪
dramatic sting ♪
‐ I guess I wasn't ready to be a mother.
I should've spent some more
time focused on my career.
‐ Or steering a boat.
‐ Po‐tay‐to, po‐tah‐to. Well,
the good news is we saved the egg.
‐ The bad news is we're trapped
on this desert island with no food.
‐ Which brings us back to the good news.
We get to eat this egg.
[crackling]
‐ Which brings us back to the bad news.
It's starting to hatch!
[crackling]
♪
[crackling]
[cluck]
ALL:
Baby Chicken Boo!?
[cluck]
‐ So this whole elaborate
sketch was your origin story?
[clucking]
‐ Sorry you almost got eaten.
[cluck]
‐ Can I still eat the shell?
[cluck]
‐ When they crashed the ark,
things got kinda dark ♪
But the egg survived,
now he's a Chicken Boo ♪
[cluck]
[mic hiss]
‐ [sigh] You guys.
We've been busy traveling,
but we wanted to take
a moment to talk to you,
our fans.
‐ I know we've disappointed
everyone on the internet,
so we wanted to apologize
to the internet.
‐ [sob] We are so sorry, you guys!
[blowing nose]
[mic feedback]
[crying]
‐ The point of our content
is to entertain,
and we never wanna make anyone feel bad.
‐ Especially you, internet.
‐ We have learned a lot!
And if we could take it back, we would!
What did we do again?
‐ I thought you knew.
‐ I think something about the internet.
‐ Hold on, hold on.
Oh, that's right.
We called Ralph a silly goose.
‐ That's it?
‐ Well, yeah.
A lot of geese were offended.
‐ Wait, I thought the internet was mad.
‐ They are. Geese don't wanna
be compared to Ralph.
‐ I can understand why.
Ralph certainly smells worse.
‐ And his brain is smaller.
‐ And he's always eating stale
bread by the park bench.
‐ Really? Well then,
what are we even apologizing for?
♪
‐ I'm sorry we wasted your time, you guys.
‐ Don't apologize to them.
They're not celebrities.
I'm sorry we wasted our time.
‐ Well, I'm sorry I need a new drink
because this isn't what I ordered!
I said Tropical Sunrise, not Sunset!
[glass shattering]
‐ Ah, I'm glad being famous
hasn't changed us.
‐ Yeah. We've always been terrible.
[thunder]
Pinky & the Brain theme ♪
‐ Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder]
♪
‐ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
One is a genius ♪
The other's insane ♪
They're laboratory mice ♪
Their genes have been spliced ♪
They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
♪
BRAIN: Behold, Pinky.
Acme Labs' newly acquired computer.
Capable of over 1,000 calculations
a second,
and it weighs a mere 29,000 pounds.
‐ And you carry it so well, darling!
‐ If this young decade
has shown us anything,
it's that folk music is here to stay.
So, I have programmed this computer
to scientifically engineer
a perfect melody
that is sure to become
the next chart‐topping hit.
[beeping, whirring]
Once my tune climbs the pop charts,
I will be invited onto the ne plus ultra
of American culture,
the Ed Sullivan Show!
There, before an audience of millions,
I will unleash this!
‐ Narf!
That's one smart‐looking
bow tie.
You look like a millionaire
playboy race car driver's
ventriloquist doll, Brain.
‐ Just what I was going for.
It's a hyper‐optic stimulator
tuned to the chemical signature
of white phosphorus,
which will destabilize the vacuum tubes
of every black and white
TV set in America.
‐ Egad, Brain! That sure sounds like
a bunch of nonsensical mumbo jumbo!
But I'm sure it's not,
and you've done a lot of research
into how black and white TV
works in this time period.
‐ Indeed I have, Pinky.
When Father rises from his
recliner to bang the TV
back into working order
[whirring]
he will find that the slightest touch
will put him into a state of
prolonged electro‐paralysis.
[whirring]
With America's fathers neutralized,
our nation's youth will turn
to me for paternal guidance.
‐ Oh good. I have some questions
about my changing body.
‐ Silence, Pinky.
You must prepare yourself. For tonight,
we must journey to a place
so dark and twisted,
every moment we tarry
there we risk descending
into agonizing madness.
An open mic night.
‐ Oh, I'd love to go, Brain, really,
but me and some student activists are
going to occupy the university
to oppose an unelected elite
drafting us to fight an unjust war.
And get some pizza.
BRAIN: Oh, Pinky,
you're so easily influenced.
Now, come do my more important thing.
‐ Okay!
[clattering]
[chewing, smacking] Mm
Narfy. [gulp]
‐ Blast! Why did I leave writing
lyrics until the last minute?
What rhymes with
"anaerobic cell respiration?"
‐ Oh, you'll be fine, Brain.
Here, maybe one of these crackers
will settle your stomach.
[crunch]
‐ Pinky, those are rocks.
‐ [laugh] Well, that explains
why me tummy feels like it's maracas.
[rattling]
HOSTESS: Okay, up next,
we have a new nobody nobody's
ever heard of and nobody will.
‐ You hear that, Pinky?
Everyone already hates me.
There's no way I'll make it
onto Ed Sullivan's TV show.
Come, Pinky,
this plan is hopeless. [grunt]
‐ Don't worry, Brain.
[bonk]
We'll just sing from the heart. I'll help.
‐ Please welcome to the stage, The Brain.
♪
‐ Um, hello. I
[mic feedback]
[screaming]
I'm The Brain.
‐ And I'm Narfunkel!
That's a stage name I just came up with.
Any resemblance to actual persons,
living or dead, is purely coincidental.
‐ Yes. Well, this is our song.
.Prepare your cerebellums
for maximum enjoyment.
folksy melody playing ♪
‐ A morning gone,
and the cupboard bare and empty ♪
Now then, what to eat? ♪
Grazing at the table ♪
No one say no, and I didn't have to ♪
BOTH:
Spend a speck of dough ♪
I ate a rock ♪
'Cause I missed breakfast ♪
‐ I ate a rock ♪
‐ He ate a rock ♪
‐ 'Cause I missed breakfast ♪
‐ 'Cause he missed breakfast ♪
PINKY:
And it tasted bad ♪
A little bland and chalky ♪
It gave me tummy troubles [groaning]
All night long, oh dear ♪
[guitar continues]
[smack, crash]
BRAIN:
He has these poor fools thinking ♪
It's a profound metaphor, but it's not ♪
He just has pica, nothing more ♪
He ate a rock ♪
‐ I ate a rock ♪
I'm like a dumpster, narf! ♪
‐ He's like a dumpster ♪
He ate a rock ♪
‐ I ate a rock ♪
I'm just like a dumpster! ♪
‐ Just like a dumpster ♪
PINKY: I love our fans! They're groovy ♪
BRAIN: I hate our fans ♪
They're spoiled Baby Boomers ♪
PINKY: And they're grimy ♪
They're human puppies ♪
BRAIN: They hang around ♪
He can't say no ♪
PINKY: I can't say no ♪
This montage rocks! ♪
I'm having fun! [laugh] ♪
I ate a rock ♪
BRAIN: He ate a rock ♪
BOTH:
And now we're famous ♪
PINKY: I ate a rock ♪
BRAIN: He ate a rock ♪
BOTH:
And now we're famous ♪
‐ Narf!
[crowd cheering]
♪
Brain, you have to meet
my new groovy friends.
This is Symphony, this is Binx,
and this is Catfish Joan.
‐ We're not here to make friends, Pinky.
We're here to take over the world!
‐ Take over the world?
You sound like my dad, man.
‐ Yeah, Brain. You sound like my dad.
Or at least the hand puppet
the scientists pretended was my dad.
BRAIN:
Alright, that's enough.
[glass shatter]
[screaming]
‐ Brain! What are you doing!?
You can't kick out all my friends!
‐ Ha! They're not friends!
They're fair weather fans!
I'm your real friend, Pinky.
Now, be a pal and throw out
this garbage.
[rattling]
‐ You're not being a real friend.
A real friend would let
me eat the garbage.
‐ Stop harshing our Narfunkel, man.
‐ Yeah! Especially 'cause I'm the one
who wrote all the song words.
‐ They're called lyrics.
And don't forget who created the tune.
‐ Um,
your computer?
‐ Oh, hang on.
I don't know who this "Computer" guy is,
but if he's doing all the work,
then why do you need this uptight square?
‐ Oh, come on, guys.
Binxy, Catfish Joan,
we're all travelers on
this journey together, right?
[screaming]
[grunting]
[thud]
Bah! Forget it. I don't need Pinky.
This bleached cow skull
would make a better assistant.
Say, bleached cow skull,
are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Exactly!
I will get on Ed Sullivan
and take over the world by myself.
Surely, that fool Pinky
will regret abandoning me.
[hissing]
[screaming, wailing]
[humming]
[laughter]
‐ So, how's your new solo project
coming along, babe?
‐ Poit! Well, I'll be honest,
it was a lot easier
when Brain used his
computer to write the tune.
Actually, a lot of things were easier
when Brain was around. [sniffle]
He told me what to do
and what not to do.
He reminded me to breathe.
[air hissing]
[groan, gasp]
[grunt] Gee, I miss him.
‐ You're bumming me out.
Let's hear your new track, Jack.
‐ Okay! Listen to this new
groovy tune I came up with!
♪
experimental music ♪
Denver omelet ♪
Syrup over Hollandaise,
squirt that ketchup ♪
‐ Ew, this is terrible.
MALE FAN:
My ears are throwing up!
experimental music continues ♪
‐ You got to order yourself
some hash browns ♪
It's French fries for breakfast ♪
Egad! Everyone's been raptored!
[bus revving]
[gasp]
[tires screech]
♪
Oh. I see what happened.
And now I don't. [sighs]
[click, hissing]
[banging]
‐ Tonight, ladies and gentlemen,
we have a very
special guest.
[cheering]
Before he comes on,
here's a mouse on a stool.
Please welcome The Brain.
[quiet clapping]
‐ I would like to dedicate this song
to everyone in the world,
except Pinky.
‐ Who's, uh, who's Pinky?
‐ Exactly, Edward Vincent Sullivan.
Nobody.
Well, he was my best friend,
and my poison taster,
and a surprisingly comfortable footstool.
But he was holding me back!
I had to abandon him to fulfill my destiny
to paralyze the nation using this bow tie
on a black and white television broadcast!
‐ Yes, well, that's quite
a story, but we
just started broadcasting
in color last week.
‐ Color?
♪
Color?
Color!?
A black and white broadcast
was vital to my plan!
[crowd booing]
Oh no. I've failed.
I was a fool to think
I could do this alone.
I never thought I'd miss
the days of Pinky and the
‐ Brain!
[banging]
‐ Pinky!
[crowd gasp]
mellow guitar music playing ♪
[growl]
[smash]
vocalizing ♪
[screaming]
‐ Whee! [laughing]
vocalizing continues ♪
ED SULLIVAN:
Hey! Those muffins were for everybody!
♪
PINKY: Move! Move!
[growling]
[shatter]
[both laughing]
[laughing]
♪
♪
‐ Come, Pinky, we must go back to
the lab to prepare for tomorrow night.
‐ Why, Brain? What are we
going to do tomorrow night?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
melancholy melody playing ♪
[sniff]
[traffic noise]
[song fades out]
NARRATOR:
And now, a visit to the Warner Vault.
♪
[flush]
[airlock hissing]
[thud]
Old timey music playing ♪
♪
‐ Welcome to the Warner Archival Vault,
where every cartoon we've ever done
is preserved for the good of all humanity.
‐ Today, we're gonna show you
something we did in the 1970s.
I gotta be honest,
I don't remember this one at all.
‐ That's right. The year was 1972.
[smash]
Nixon was president,
the economy was in shambles,
and society was bitterly divided
over the war in Vietnam.
‐ And we starred in
a public service announcement
called Wipe Those Feet. Roll it!
[projector whirring]
jaunty music ♪
WARNERS:
Boingy! Boingy! Boingy! Boingy!
BROOM:
There now. It's all clean.
Why don't you three go out and play?
♪
But be sure to wipe your feet on
the mat before you come back in the house.
WARNERS:
We will!
‐ Mm, yum!
I love having a purpose!
♪
[creak]
[sniffing]
DANDELION: Hey!
You should ask permission
before you smell someone!
‐ Be my guest!
[sniffing]
[thunder]
ragtime music ♪
BROOM:
Yakko! Wakko! Dot!
Time for dinner!
[cheering]
BROOM:
Uh‐uh‐uh! Now, don't forget your promise!
‐ Always ask permission before you smell
a three‐headed dandelion?
‐ No! I remember! Always wipe
your feet on the mat
when you come into the house.
[scraping]
BROOM:
That's right. Wipe those feet, Yakko.
[creak, slam]
[slurping]
‐ It makes me happy to help with manners.
jaunty music ♪
WAKKO:
What the heck was that?
I don't get it!
‐ Yeah, maybe we should think
about rewatching these things
before we "preserve them"
for the good of all humanity?
‐ Hold on, guys. I think I get it.
The '70s were such a huge chaotic mess
that instead of facing
the unpleasant realities
of an evil president,
economic turmoil, and unjust foreign wars,
some people focused on
things they could control like‐‐
‐ Like wiping your feet!
YAKKO: But guys,
isn't all that bad stuff
happening again right now?
‐ Exactly. When we don't
learn from the past,
we're doomed to repeat it!
Brothers, we gotta clean up this country!
We gotta shake the dust
off these tootsies!
We gotta fight! Are you gonna be part
of the problem, or part of the solution!?
BOTH:
[gulp] Solution.
‐ [clears throat] Brought to you by
the American Council for Cleanliness.
jaunty music ♪
♪