Chuck s02e12 Episode Script
Chuck Versus the Third Dimension
[GUNSHOT.]
SARAH: Chuck.
[GUNFIRE.]
SARAH: Chuck.
[GUNFIRE.]
SARAH: Chuck, wake up.
Sarah, what are you--? What are you doing here? Oh.
Okay.
Uh, Sarah.
Yes, Chuck? -This is a dream.
-No, it isn't.
Ha-ha-ha, come on.
Who are we kidding here, huh? This is-- This is clearly my-- My subconscious at work.
And on behalf of my conscious self, I'd-- I'd like to apologize.
I'm normally much more respectful of women even in my dreams.
It's just that, you know, anxiety and fear can really, um, ahem, affect your dream life.
And what are you afraid of? I watched you kill that Fulcrum agent in cold blood.
Sarah, I am not like you, okay? I might have these secrets in my brain, but that does not make me a spy.
I need to tell you this in reality, not in my dream.
Chuck this isn't a dream.
-Then what is it? -It's a nightmare.
[SCREAMING.]
[PANTING.]
That's not the way that dream was supposed to go.
[BLENDER WHIRS.]
Chuck, are you okay? I'm fine.
I'm absolutely 100 percent on it.
-Why? -You were totally screaming last night.
-Like a little girl.
-Honey.
It was crazy how high it was.
I'm sorry about that.
But, yeah, I'm fine.
You're a tense coil of stressed-out negativity.
-We don't mean to pry, but-- -Actually, we do.
We do.
What's stressing you out? Nothing particular.
You know, it's a little hectic at work and stuff.
Wow, I didn't realize life got so hectic at the Buy More.
Well, Chuck, maybe what you need is a day off.
Good prescription, babe.
Chuck, that's exactly what you need.
You need to blow off some steam, have some fun.
Take a day off, Chuck.
[CROWD CHATTERING.]
Dude, we got the day off.
What? What is--? What is going on? Tyler Martin is coming here.
Tyler Martin? The Tyler Martin? Rock-star Tyler Martin? Rock star.
Legend.
Poet.
I've never actually heard him, but he had this promotion at Large Mart.
They pulled the plug because of the sex-tape thing.
-Have you seen it? -No.
Well, anyway, Big Mike heard about it and offered our store.
-Thank you, Big Mike.
-That's what I'm saying, dude.
This place is so packed, no one's even gonna notice we're doing diddlysquat.
MIKE: Grimes.
Get over here.
Have fun.
Grimes, I got a job for you.
Old football buddy of mine, Jimmy Butterman, just got paroled.
I told his PO that we'd give him a job here at the Buy More so he could get back on his feet.
An ex-con, sir? I just.
-Is that such a good idea? -He's a teammate, Grimes.
-Teach him everything you know.
-I will.
When you say prison, though are you talking, like, bars and guards and, uh, showers? -Get out.
-Get out.
Getting-- Okay.
Attention.
[WOMAN GIGGLING.]
-Attention! WOMAN: Oh, my gosh.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen when my personal friend, Mr.
Martin, enters the store there is to be no flash photography [EMMETT GROANS.]
no approaching of Mr.
Martin of any kind, and, most importantly, no touching.
Consider yourself warned.
[GRUNTS THEN PANTS.]
Ooh.
Sarah, Casey.
In the Buy More, there is a guy with a grenade.
SARAH [OVER RADIO.]
: I'm heading toward the store now.
[WHISPERS.]
Where is he? [CHUCK PANTING.]
-He's gone.
-Where's the grenade? Go.
Don't open it.
-That's a grenade.
-Okay.
Idiot.
I'll take it out front.
There's people there.
We gotta take it out the back.
-I got it.
You stay here.
CHUCK: Casey.
Hey! That's my Tyler Martin display.
He is a hero of mine, John.
-Sorry, Lester.
Emergency.
LESTER: Charles? Hey, nobody treats Lester like that.
Jeff, let go.
Throw it.
Chuck.
[IN SLOW MOTION.]
Interception.
Why we playing keep away? This is great.
-Come on.
MIKE: Oh.
Grimes.
I see you've met Mr.
Butterman.
The other half of the defense of death.
BOTH: Blow it up.
Did we win? -Good morning, Sarah.
-No time to diffuse it.
I got an idea.
Hold on.
Open the refrigerator.
[BOMB BEEPING RAPIDLY.]
CASEY: Get down.
CHUCK: Oh! Whoa.
[SIGHS.]
Good morning, Chuck.
Agent Walker.
Mr.
Bartowski.
I'm sure you're wondering why someone would want Tyler Martin dead.
Not really.
You heard his music? It's overproduced, the lyrics are completely banal.
I mean, Facebook even has a group called "I Want to Kill Tyler Martin.
" Not that I'm a member.
I wouldn't, ever.
That's just wrong.
Why don't you share with General Beckman the intel that you flashed on.
-It was an IG-88 thermite charge.
-That's military.
Commonly used by North African intelligence units.
Interestingly, Tyler Martin recently completed a tour of Africa.
Find out who was behind this attempt and why.
Well, the only way to do that is to question Tyler Martin.
Then bring him in.
It can't be that hard to get him alone.
[WOMEN CHEERING.]
All right, all right.
Hello, Cleveland.
Yeah.
MAN: Uh, this is Burbank, dude.
-Oh.
Whatever.
Now, I would like to thank all the humanitarians that have affected my work.
Mother Teresa.
Nelson Mandela, God rest his soul.
And, my personal favorite, Angelina Jolie.
[LAUGHS.]
As a thank you to all my beautiful fans who still buy CDs I've included this ticket, a golden ticket.
-A golden ticket? -A golden ticket.
Inside this, my new CD.
It is a backstage invite to a benefit concert I'm having tomorrow night.
All right, we'll see you later.
[CROWD CHEERS.]
GAVIN: That was great, Tyler.
This is gonna be huge for the Tyler Martin brand.
How are we supposed to grab a rock star in broad daylight? I mean, security's crawling all over the place.
Oh.
[MOUTHS.]
Oh.
This is gonna be easy.
-What? TYLER: Catch you later, Gavin.
What's gonna be easy? I'm such a fan, Mr.
Martin.
Oh.
I'm a big fan of you too.
So you a, uh, model? Actress? [SNIFFS.]
Massage therapist? Maybe a acrobat? I can be whatever you want.
CHUCK: Ick.
Idiot.
I think we've got a pervert.
Oh, daisies.
Oh.
Nighty-night, Tyler.
[TYLER SNORING.]
How much tranquilizer did you use? CASEY: It's high-grade at a heavy dose.
Mr.
Martin should be out for 12 to 24 hours.
[SNORTS.]
Jet lag is brutal.
Rock-star metabolism.
Oh.
All the better for seeing you, darling.
Hello.
I feel like a daffodil.
Time for the road trip.
Road trip? Wait.
Whoa, whoa, where you going? Buy More parking lot.
Camera has a match on the car the suspect drove.
-What about Tyler here? -Hmm? Oh.
Check every 20 minutes, make sure he doesn't choke on his own tongue.
Hang on a second.
You're gonna go and you want me to stay here and be on tongue-watch duty? Well, you don't have plans, do you? Would it be so crazy if I did have plans, something other than fixing a computer or playing hot potato with a thermite grenade? Yes.
SARAH: So, what's with Chuck? The guy's got a point.
He hasn't had a day off.
We're lucky he didn't melt down months ago.
No, he's been acting strange since the holidays.
Hold that thought.
We got a real fan boy, huh? No.
No, there's something wrong here.
This is too neat, too orderly.
Beckman was right.
We're dealing with a pro.
LESTER: The golden ticket's gotta be in here.
MORGAN: I don't know, guys.
I mean, do you think this is right? This ticket is supposed to be for Tyler Martin fans.
-Hey, I am a fan.
-So am I.
Yeah.
So am I.
So, Mr.
Butterman, could you settle a bet? Say it's our first day in prison.
Who do you think would be considered the weaker gazelle? You put anything in my mouth, I will bite down hard.
That's it.
The golden ticket.
Oh, my God.
Morgan, I am so happy for us, buddy.
-What we should do is-- -Please.
-Fellas, please.
LESTER: Finally.
This ticket only entitles me to a plus one, okay? So we're gonna have to settle this the Buy More way.
[LESTER CHUCKLES.]
This ticket is Lester's.
And Butterman's.
[COUGHS.]
[MOUTHS.]
Oh.
[GASPS.]
What? No.
Hey, hey, excuse me.
May be the most impressive restroom I've ever seen in my life.
That ceiling looks just like the night sky.
-That's because that is the night sky.
-Oh.
Holy-- -Have I made a mistake? -No.
Better question, where am I? -Who are you? -I'm Chuck.
My name is Chuck and I.
I work for the label.
-My record label? -Yes, your record label.
There was a death threat against you earlier today.
So we thought it might be good to move you to this secured location.
All right, well [ZIPS UP FLY.]
I better go.
Mr.
Martin, you actually have to stay here for the night.
-The night? No, no, no, Jack-- -Chuck, actually.
I get death threats all the time, okay? Besides, it's party night.
-It's Tuesday.
-Exactly.
I've gotta go.
Um, you know what, how about--? I'm gonna call my bosses.
Chuck, the record company got you this phone, right? -Sure.
-Mm.
Okay.
Why did you--? I'll get you a new one.
Chuck.
In case you haven't noticed yet I just asked you to party with me.
Come on.
Come on.
[CHUCK MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY.]
-Yeah.
What a night.
-Ha-ha-ha.
TYLER: You got money, right? Because I don't hold cash.
First, a little liquid nourishment.
Then we'll get on to the heavy drinking.
Oh, you know, I'm actually more of a beer guy.
-Something amber-complected.
-Not tonight.
I may be a rum-soaked narcissist but I am also the best wingman you will ever have.
Get that down your neck.
Go on.
See you guys in the Emergency Room.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
TYLER: Mm.
Hello? Ha, ha.
Gavin, you old slapper.
No, I'm with the rep from the label.
Chuck.
-Never heard of you.
-I've never heard of him.
He's never heard of you.
Ha, ha.
No, never mind, see you later.
Who's for another drink? [CROWD CHEERING.]
Ladies, tonight, all the drinks -on the record company.
-Oh! To determine who will be the plus one of my golden ticket we will settle this with Morgan's special triathlon.
First up, the Molly Ringwald underpants challenge.
The first of you to present to me women's underpants is gonna-- [UNDERPANTS RIP THEN LESTER SCREAMS.]
I'm a man.
For God's sakes, I'm a man! Oh.
-I'm actually gonna accept these.
-A ticket's not that important to me.
I need some ice.
[LESTER WHINES.]
Soft features, you know.
Look, if you're worried about Chuck, I can scare him straight.
I'd actually enjoy that.
Uh, no, it's okay.
I'll get him under control.
[CASEY SIGHS.]
-Too late.
TYLER: So I said: "I'll give you the dog for the trousers.
" That's how I got the trousers.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, Chuck, I'll tell what you need.
Aspirin.
-A tattoo.
-Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not crazy about needles.
Ladies love a little bit of ink.
Whenever I do something amazing you know, feed the starving, help the homeless rescue some emaciated refugee, I map it out here, on my body.
How do you know what they all mean? Well, this here means "serenity.
" It's not, it could be "bliss.
" I don't know.
Gavin, my manager, sorts it all out.
You know, you gotta kind of trust the artist-- -Are you Tyler Martin? -Yes, I am.
And this here is Chuck.
Chuck is in my band.
[IN BRITISH ACCENT.]
Yeah.
I'm in his band all right.
Drummer.
Just laying the beats down, like a little drummer boy.
Come, they told me.
Pa rum pum pum pum.
-Um, you guys wanna dance? TYLER: Yes.
-No.
-Yes, we do.
-No.
I'm not really a dancer.
TYLER: Yeah, come on.
Unless it's, like, ballet.
But this isn't a ballet place.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
I'm much better at ironic dancing.
What happened to your accent? Sorry.
I don't really have one.
I don't really care.
Round two.
The Subway sprint.
There's one thing you gotta ask yourself, Butterman.
Do you like succulent chicken oozing with bacon and ranch dressing? I love succulent chicken.
I'm in your head, son.
Let's use this, use this.
Are you ready? Set, consume.
Stay loose! [CROWD CHEERING.]
MAN 1: Pace yourself! WOMAN: Oh.
MAN 1: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Keep it down or you're disqualified.
MORGAN: Keep it-- MAN 2: Let it go, baby.
-Let it go.
MORGAN: Keep it-- Attaboy.
Thattaboy.
Get to work.
My God, man.
We have a winner.
The winner.
[THUDS.]
Winner.
The signal is weak, but I still have a trace.
He's somewhere in the club.
Casey, it's him.
Damn it.
He made me.
Go.
-Freeze.
CASEY: Halt.
Get on the ground.
You'll want to be more gentle with me.
[BOMBS BEEPING.]
Get your hands up.
Do it.
I'm going to walk away from you now.
[GROWLS.]
I'd rather we all go up.
Casey, be careful.
Then you should know that Mr.
Martin is still in danger.
I have some friends set to meet him.
So by all means, stay here and die.
Or you can go save him.
Casey, we gotta get Chuck.
Come on.
[GRUMBLES.]
TYLER: Oh.
Oh, I'm allergic to that.
Chuck, we got a problem.
These girls wanna take us upstairs and do despicable things to us.
Tyler, Tyler.
That's not such a great idea.
All the best nights of my life have begun with that very sentence.
No, no, but-- Which brings us to the final leg of our triathlon.
-Good Lord, is that--? -Yeah, Butterman, it is.
May I present to you the urinal cake.
Okay, here's the deal.
The winner will be the first one of you-- Oh, come on.
Dude, seriously.
Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you? You were just supposed to touch it.
I still win, right? All right, who stole the urinal cakes? I splashed myself silly.
TYLER: Ah, the penthouse level.
My home away from home, ladies.
So I think we should maybe just head in this direction.
Tyler, I need to talk to you, buddy.
-In a minute.
-No.
It's important.
I need to talk to right you.
I'm sorry.
If you could make yourself comfortable inside then we could have our talk and then we'll join you.
-How's that sound? Ha-ha-ha.
-What? Thanks so much.
Listen to me very carefully.
These women are very, very dangerous.
Don't worry, I always use protection.
Good looking out.
That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm begging you.
Just once, deny yourself this pleasure.
-You're right.
It's totally selfish of me.
-Oh, good.
Let's go.
-You need this much more than I do.
-No, no, Tyler.
No, I'm not talking about-- Please don't.
Please don't.
[CHUCK PANTING.]
Hey.
[CHUCK LAUGHS THEN CLEARS THROAT.]
Um.
-Where's Tyler? -That's an excellent question.
Tyler just-- He stepped away for a second, but he's gonna be back.
-I guess you'll have to go first.
-First? Go first where? Go first what? Why am I going first? Why do I have to be first? First is the worst, second is the best.
And third-- Hi.
Oh.
[STUTTERING.]
Those are my shoes.
I need those shoes.
No, those are my pants.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I think that you have overestimated my prowess as a lover and as a man.
Just looking at you, I could feel that you require a real rock star, so.
Tyler.
What happened to not leaving your wingman? [PANTING.]
-Sarah.
-Where are you? Oh! Top floor.
Tyler's suite.
Or more specifically, the roof outside of it.
Things have gotten a little out of hand.
[SCREAMS.]
[SCREAMS.]
Oh! Oh! Mmm.
This is so romantic.
The perfect second honeymoon.
[WOMAN GIGGLES THEN SCREAMS.]
Press the button for the lobby, please? No, no.
The lobby, the lobby.
Where you going? Where you going? No, the lobby-- Ladies.
[CHUCK WHIMPERING.]
No.
Oh.
No.
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS.]
Ladies.
You ready for me? Tyler, run! Sorry, I must be going.
[THUDS.]
Hi.
[GRUNTING.]
SARAH: Aah! -Go, Sarah.
[WOMAN GRUNTS.]
Hey.
Lobby, please? Unh.
SARAH: Chuck, what were you thinking? I gave you clear instructions to keep him here and instead you take him to a nightclub? Interesting tactical decision there.
What--? Timeout.
Listen, he woke up and I couldn't stop him.
I don't have a knock-out karate chop like you guys.
-It's not part of my skill set.
-Where am I? And how was I? We're the government.
We're here to protect you.
Wait.
There was an elevator.
Chuck, you were there.
Two girls.
One of them had a gun.
It was pointed at me.
Tyler, Tyler, it's all right.
Like Casey said, we're here to protect you.
I need to call my manager.
No, Mr.
Martin.
We don't know who's involved.
I have to call my manager.
Oh, good show.
Casey, what is wrong with you? You can't do that.
You're gonna give the guy brain damage or liver problems.
Too late on both counts.
-I know why they're trying to kill him.
-What? His back.
The tattoo on his back.
It's not Arabic philosophy.
It's a clear message about a private reactor that's being built in North Africa.
His manager is bringing in the tattoo artists.
Of course.
He's a rock star, he travels the world.
His manager's using him to move secrets.
Idiot never knew what the ink meant.
You're wrong about Tyler.
He's actually a pretty good guy.
He's an idiot, Bartowski.
Just like you.
I should never have left you alone.
SARAH: Chuck, Casey is right.
You could've gotten yourself killed.
What exactly were you thinking? What was I thinking? I'll tell you what.
I was thinking like I wasn't a spy, okay? I was trying to have fun.
I knew the second I called you two it would be over.
But, Chuck, you are a spy.
You should know better than put yourself in a situation where I can't protect you.
Is it really so wrong to want a night off? I was having a good time, too until the assassins stole my pants and tried to kill me.
I've earned it.
I deserve it.
[TRANQ DART HITS CHUCK.]
I'm losing consciousness.
[THUDS.]
Casey.
My ears couldn't take it.
Either that or I shoot him.
[COCKS.]
JEFF: Ready for the sweet life tonight? MORGAN: Yeah, sure.
Backstage passes.
You know what that means, don't you? No, I've never been backstage.
That ticket's our passport to freedom.
Not only is there free beer backstage but there are women that haven't been sober for years.
And we're allowed in, so the ladies assume we're not losers.
Wow, it sounds like a fairy tale.
Poor Butterman.
Man's been trapped in an 8-by-10 cell for years.
He ate when they said, "Chow time" and he slept when they shouted, "Lights out.
" Now look at him.
Broken.
Man had a choice of five sodas.
A choice we take for granted every day.
A choice he's been denied for far too long.
I'm sorry, Jeff, this ticket doesn't belong to us.
This ticket belongs to Butterman.
Man deserves his passport to freedom.
You and I, we're gonna give it to him.
I'll make it up to you.
Buy you a keg.
What do you like? JEFF: It's called beer.
-Done.
-Beer brand.
MORGAN: Done.
BECKHAM [OVER MONITOR.]
: Your flash turned up good intel, Chuck.
The man you confronted last night is Achmed Gambir a top foot soldier in a private army in North Africa.
We've been trying to infiltrate their ranks for years.
I want you to capture Achmed at tonight's concert.
He's the key to bringing down this merc army.
What? Wait, wait.
You want Tyler on stage? As bait? Mr.
Martin knows that there are people after him and he won't go on.
-Well, then convince him.
CHUCK: Wait, no, no.
No, no, guys.
This is way too dangerous.
Tyler could get killed.
Those are nightmares tattooed on his body.
We have to take Gambir down.
Okay.
Okay, fine, fine.
You go tell him he has to put his life on the line because he was a pawn in someone else's game.
He won't listen to us.
So you want me to do it? No, absolutely not.
What do you mean, no? We have orders.
Chuck, what is the matter with you? This is about more than taking a night off.
Maybe.
Um, I.
You know, I'm a little off my game right now.
I'm not really sleeping.
I don't wanna get into it.
Chuck, lives are on the line right now.
And if Tyler doesn't help us, he will never be free of those people.
If you don't help us, then Gambir gets away.
And the world becomes a more dangerous place.
I don't know what happened, but this is our job: Not only to protect Tyler, but the country and anybody else who needs protecting.
We do whatever it takes, no matter what.
Did you forget that? That I definitely didn't forget.
Oh, we don't have time for this.
Wait.
I'll do it.
I'll convince him.
[HUMMING.]
Hey, man.
[OVER MONITOR.]
You okay? No.
No, I'm not okay.
I don't know where I am, how I got here and someone is trying to kill me.
On the plus side, your friend's tranqs are out of this world.
[GRUNTS.]
CHUCK [OVER MONITOR.]
: One of his few good qualities.
I've never been in a situation like this before, life or death.
Pretty much live my life avoiding anything this real.
It takes some getting used to.
What do you want me to do? We would like for you to perform tonight at your special concert.
That's madness.
People are trying to kill me.
Yes.
And you can help us catch them.
You can help the world, the entire world, by doing this, for real.
You could go back to living your life again.
[OVER MONITOR.]
One night of bravery for an entire life of normalcy.
[SIGHS.]
I can't even tell you what I'd give for that.
[SIGHS.]
How do I know I can trust them, your people? Because I do.
[OVER MONITOR.]
They're the best.
I stake my life on it every day.
I got one thing to say.
Hello, Cleveland.
-It's Burbank.
-Right.
I'm dyslexic.
You boys have given me back hope.
Thanks.
You deserve a taste of the sweet life, man.
Enjoy it for all of us.
LESTER: Do us proud, Butterman.
-Thanks.
BUTTERMAN: Thank you.
Dude, how could you just sell the golden ticket like that? Sorry, guys.
I found out how much these things are going for online.
But your freedom, man? Was it worth the price of freedom? Price of my freedom's 800 bucks.
Same as my ticket to Zihuatanejo.
See you never, enjoy hell.
Get busy living or get busy dying.
True that.
Well, back to work.
ANNOUNCER: Twenty minutes until Tyler Martin takes the stage.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
CASEY: Chuck.
-Yeah, I'm here.
Don't let Tyler hit the stage till we give the okay.
Okay.
Got it.
Sarah, I made the mark.
Get on my 6, I'm intercepting.
[CASEY GRUNTS.]
-Why are you wearing this? -Some guy gave me free tickets.
-He just said I had to wear this jacket.
-He's ahead of us.
Which one is he? BOUNCER: Sorry, buddy.
No one allowed to see Mr.
Martin.
[SQUELCHING THEN MEN GRUNT.]
Oh? Ha, ha.
Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no.
Yeah, you get it, Chuck.
Get my own door.
-Open this door.
-It's him, it's him.
-Who? -The guy who is trying to kill you.
Here? I thought you said we were safe.
-I know you are in there, Mr.
Martin.
-I need another drink.
That's a good idea.
No, that's-- No, no.
Hey, get in there.
-Get back there.
ACHMED: Open this door.
-What about you, Chuck? -I'll be all right.
Just stay in the closet.
Wait.
Take off your shirt.
Just trust me.
Hey.
MAN 1: Aah.
MAN 2: Hey.
-Sarah, it's Chuck.
-Chuck, what is it? Achmed is outside of dressing room.
I don't know what happened to guards.
Stay where you are.
I'm coming.
I didn't need the night off.
You're right.
It's something else I should have told you.
I should've-- [GRUNTS.]
Chuck? Chuck, can you hear me? Move.
Excuse me.
Go.
I think maybe you have the wrong room.
-Tell me where he is.
-Tell you where who is? Oh! Oh, where he is.
Where Tyler is.
Right.
You know, he skipped out.
I don't know where he is.
So sorry.
He's gone.
[SCOFFS.]
He's in the closet.
Move.
Coming through.
Move.
Okay, you got us.
Yeah, worst plan ever.
But I know about the tattoo.
And I know what it means.
You and your army enriching uranium, selling it to unstable countries using Tyler's manager and his tattoos to pass the info off to your buyers.
You take one more step, I send this e-mail and everyone knows.
Proving that the cell is mightier than the sword.
Or a very large knife, as it might be in this case.
Go.
Move.
Now put it down.
Put it down.
[SIGHS.]
-No! -No! -I can't let you do this for me.
-Actually, my plan was working very well.
No! -Follow me.
-What's going on? Gavin, you're fired.
We're running to stage.
He's behind us.
-Chuck, are you okay? CHUCK: Yeah, just get us out of here.
Okay, good.
Come on, come on, come on.
ANNOUNCER: Everybody give it up for Tyler Martin.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Hey.
Yeah.
Whoo! Help.
TYLER: Hello, Los Angeles.
Burbank, is it? -Ready to rock? -What do we do now? -Jump.
-What? Jump.
Chuck.
Jump.
[SCREAMS.]
TYLER: Go with it, Chuck.
Just relax.
CHUCK: Go with it? Okay, okay, okay.
Stephanie, right? Stephanie.
Yeah.
Huh? If you think I look mad, wait till you see her.
Aah! [SARAH GRUNTS.]
Whoa, hey! Little too much to drink there, pal.
Let's get you some coffee.
We got him.
Ha-ha-ha! See? Told you they were the best.
That's it, all right.
Now, back to the stage.
Come on, I wanna sing now.
All right, like he said, back to the stage.
MAN: Who the hell are you, man? -Whoa! -Grimes, where's my boy, Butterman? -Um, he kind of took off suddenly.
Can't blame him.
Man's gotta run free after being locked up so long.
Yeah, Big Mike, do you mind if I ask you what Butterman was in the can for? I mean, are we talking robbery? Drugs? Murder? -Butterman? -Yeah.
God, no.
Bank fraud, insider trading.
The man's a white-collar criminal.
Why? He take you fools for some money? -He said he was going somewhere.
-Zihuatanejo? [LAUGHS.]
That's Mexican for Philadelphia.
[LAUGHS.]
I knew I should have learned Spanish.
[TYLER SIGHS.]
TYLER: I can't believe my manager's going to jail.
Think about it.
No privacy.
Be like hell on bloody Earth.
Yeah, tell me about it.
You understand why you're gonna have to have your tattoos removed? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I hear you're the bro to talk to to get more of those tasty tranq darts.
[GROWLS.]
Philistine.
-Thanks, Chuck.
-Oh, hey, it was nothing.
No, no, it was everything.
You taught me to put people in front of myself.
Felt kind of wonderful.
I can strike that off the list now.
If you ever wanna party, you know where to come.
Yeah.
Actually, I don't think that's my scene.
Smart man, Chuck.
Smart man.
[CHUCK LAUGHS.]
All right.
-Take it easy.
-You too.
Hello, Mr.
Martin.
Your limousine is waiting outside.
You know my name.
-Have we made love before? SARAH: No.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
Daddy's gotta go.
Sorry.
You did a great job, Chuck.
Thanks.
Look, if there is something bothering you, then please tell me.
I know part of your job is to have these secrets in your head but you're not supposed to keep them from me.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I saw you shoot that Fulcrum agent on Christmas Eve.
After they took over the Buy More.
-And when I asked you about it-- -I lied.
Yeah.
-Chuck, I have to protect you.
-I know that.
I-- I.
I know that you do.
And you were protecting me.
You were protecting all of us.
He threatened my family, my friends, and you were just doing your job.
I get that, but.
-Sarah, the guy was unarmed and you just-- -I did what I had to.
He knew who you really were.
Your whole family was in danger.
And I'm sorry.
Sometimes I forget that you never asked for all of this.
There's parts I'm not sure I'll ever get used to.
Well, you deserve a break, so take tonight, tomorrow.
Uh, whatever you need, it's yours.
-Seriously? Really? -Yeah.
No missions, no cameras, no Casey, no thermal-satellite surveillance and no me.
-You guys use satellites? -Yeah.
And, Chuck, when you're ready again, we'll be here waiting.
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT.]
-Hey, what's this? What's going on? -Lock and load.
New mission.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Wait.
A new mission? What kind of mission? It's fine, Chuck.
We got it.
What--? What kind of mission? A mission without Bartowski.
I'm really gonna enjoy this.
[CAR DOOR OPENS.]
Hey, guys.
Where are we going? Well, come on, Casey.
No time for a break.
We've got work to do.
[CAR ENGINE REVS.]
SARAH: Chuck.
[GUNFIRE.]
SARAH: Chuck.
[GUNFIRE.]
SARAH: Chuck, wake up.
Sarah, what are you--? What are you doing here? Oh.
Okay.
Uh, Sarah.
Yes, Chuck? -This is a dream.
-No, it isn't.
Ha-ha-ha, come on.
Who are we kidding here, huh? This is-- This is clearly my-- My subconscious at work.
And on behalf of my conscious self, I'd-- I'd like to apologize.
I'm normally much more respectful of women even in my dreams.
It's just that, you know, anxiety and fear can really, um, ahem, affect your dream life.
And what are you afraid of? I watched you kill that Fulcrum agent in cold blood.
Sarah, I am not like you, okay? I might have these secrets in my brain, but that does not make me a spy.
I need to tell you this in reality, not in my dream.
Chuck this isn't a dream.
-Then what is it? -It's a nightmare.
[SCREAMING.]
[PANTING.]
That's not the way that dream was supposed to go.
[BLENDER WHIRS.]
Chuck, are you okay? I'm fine.
I'm absolutely 100 percent on it.
-Why? -You were totally screaming last night.
-Like a little girl.
-Honey.
It was crazy how high it was.
I'm sorry about that.
But, yeah, I'm fine.
You're a tense coil of stressed-out negativity.
-We don't mean to pry, but-- -Actually, we do.
We do.
What's stressing you out? Nothing particular.
You know, it's a little hectic at work and stuff.
Wow, I didn't realize life got so hectic at the Buy More.
Well, Chuck, maybe what you need is a day off.
Good prescription, babe.
Chuck, that's exactly what you need.
You need to blow off some steam, have some fun.
Take a day off, Chuck.
[CROWD CHATTERING.]
Dude, we got the day off.
What? What is--? What is going on? Tyler Martin is coming here.
Tyler Martin? The Tyler Martin? Rock-star Tyler Martin? Rock star.
Legend.
Poet.
I've never actually heard him, but he had this promotion at Large Mart.
They pulled the plug because of the sex-tape thing.
-Have you seen it? -No.
Well, anyway, Big Mike heard about it and offered our store.
-Thank you, Big Mike.
-That's what I'm saying, dude.
This place is so packed, no one's even gonna notice we're doing diddlysquat.
MIKE: Grimes.
Get over here.
Have fun.
Grimes, I got a job for you.
Old football buddy of mine, Jimmy Butterman, just got paroled.
I told his PO that we'd give him a job here at the Buy More so he could get back on his feet.
An ex-con, sir? I just.
-Is that such a good idea? -He's a teammate, Grimes.
-Teach him everything you know.
-I will.
When you say prison, though are you talking, like, bars and guards and, uh, showers? -Get out.
-Get out.
Getting-- Okay.
Attention.
[WOMAN GIGGLING.]
-Attention! WOMAN: Oh, my gosh.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen when my personal friend, Mr.
Martin, enters the store there is to be no flash photography [EMMETT GROANS.]
no approaching of Mr.
Martin of any kind, and, most importantly, no touching.
Consider yourself warned.
[GRUNTS THEN PANTS.]
Ooh.
Sarah, Casey.
In the Buy More, there is a guy with a grenade.
SARAH [OVER RADIO.]
: I'm heading toward the store now.
[WHISPERS.]
Where is he? [CHUCK PANTING.]
-He's gone.
-Where's the grenade? Go.
Don't open it.
-That's a grenade.
-Okay.
Idiot.
I'll take it out front.
There's people there.
We gotta take it out the back.
-I got it.
You stay here.
CHUCK: Casey.
Hey! That's my Tyler Martin display.
He is a hero of mine, John.
-Sorry, Lester.
Emergency.
LESTER: Charles? Hey, nobody treats Lester like that.
Jeff, let go.
Throw it.
Chuck.
[IN SLOW MOTION.]
Interception.
Why we playing keep away? This is great.
-Come on.
MIKE: Oh.
Grimes.
I see you've met Mr.
Butterman.
The other half of the defense of death.
BOTH: Blow it up.
Did we win? -Good morning, Sarah.
-No time to diffuse it.
I got an idea.
Hold on.
Open the refrigerator.
[BOMB BEEPING RAPIDLY.]
CASEY: Get down.
CHUCK: Oh! Whoa.
[SIGHS.]
Good morning, Chuck.
Agent Walker.
Mr.
Bartowski.
I'm sure you're wondering why someone would want Tyler Martin dead.
Not really.
You heard his music? It's overproduced, the lyrics are completely banal.
I mean, Facebook even has a group called "I Want to Kill Tyler Martin.
" Not that I'm a member.
I wouldn't, ever.
That's just wrong.
Why don't you share with General Beckman the intel that you flashed on.
-It was an IG-88 thermite charge.
-That's military.
Commonly used by North African intelligence units.
Interestingly, Tyler Martin recently completed a tour of Africa.
Find out who was behind this attempt and why.
Well, the only way to do that is to question Tyler Martin.
Then bring him in.
It can't be that hard to get him alone.
[WOMEN CHEERING.]
All right, all right.
Hello, Cleveland.
Yeah.
MAN: Uh, this is Burbank, dude.
-Oh.
Whatever.
Now, I would like to thank all the humanitarians that have affected my work.
Mother Teresa.
Nelson Mandela, God rest his soul.
And, my personal favorite, Angelina Jolie.
[LAUGHS.]
As a thank you to all my beautiful fans who still buy CDs I've included this ticket, a golden ticket.
-A golden ticket? -A golden ticket.
Inside this, my new CD.
It is a backstage invite to a benefit concert I'm having tomorrow night.
All right, we'll see you later.
[CROWD CHEERS.]
GAVIN: That was great, Tyler.
This is gonna be huge for the Tyler Martin brand.
How are we supposed to grab a rock star in broad daylight? I mean, security's crawling all over the place.
Oh.
[MOUTHS.]
Oh.
This is gonna be easy.
-What? TYLER: Catch you later, Gavin.
What's gonna be easy? I'm such a fan, Mr.
Martin.
Oh.
I'm a big fan of you too.
So you a, uh, model? Actress? [SNIFFS.]
Massage therapist? Maybe a acrobat? I can be whatever you want.
CHUCK: Ick.
Idiot.
I think we've got a pervert.
Oh, daisies.
Oh.
Nighty-night, Tyler.
[TYLER SNORING.]
How much tranquilizer did you use? CASEY: It's high-grade at a heavy dose.
Mr.
Martin should be out for 12 to 24 hours.
[SNORTS.]
Jet lag is brutal.
Rock-star metabolism.
Oh.
All the better for seeing you, darling.
Hello.
I feel like a daffodil.
Time for the road trip.
Road trip? Wait.
Whoa, whoa, where you going? Buy More parking lot.
Camera has a match on the car the suspect drove.
-What about Tyler here? -Hmm? Oh.
Check every 20 minutes, make sure he doesn't choke on his own tongue.
Hang on a second.
You're gonna go and you want me to stay here and be on tongue-watch duty? Well, you don't have plans, do you? Would it be so crazy if I did have plans, something other than fixing a computer or playing hot potato with a thermite grenade? Yes.
SARAH: So, what's with Chuck? The guy's got a point.
He hasn't had a day off.
We're lucky he didn't melt down months ago.
No, he's been acting strange since the holidays.
Hold that thought.
We got a real fan boy, huh? No.
No, there's something wrong here.
This is too neat, too orderly.
Beckman was right.
We're dealing with a pro.
LESTER: The golden ticket's gotta be in here.
MORGAN: I don't know, guys.
I mean, do you think this is right? This ticket is supposed to be for Tyler Martin fans.
-Hey, I am a fan.
-So am I.
Yeah.
So am I.
So, Mr.
Butterman, could you settle a bet? Say it's our first day in prison.
Who do you think would be considered the weaker gazelle? You put anything in my mouth, I will bite down hard.
That's it.
The golden ticket.
Oh, my God.
Morgan, I am so happy for us, buddy.
-What we should do is-- -Please.
-Fellas, please.
LESTER: Finally.
This ticket only entitles me to a plus one, okay? So we're gonna have to settle this the Buy More way.
[LESTER CHUCKLES.]
This ticket is Lester's.
And Butterman's.
[COUGHS.]
[MOUTHS.]
Oh.
[GASPS.]
What? No.
Hey, hey, excuse me.
May be the most impressive restroom I've ever seen in my life.
That ceiling looks just like the night sky.
-That's because that is the night sky.
-Oh.
Holy-- -Have I made a mistake? -No.
Better question, where am I? -Who are you? -I'm Chuck.
My name is Chuck and I.
I work for the label.
-My record label? -Yes, your record label.
There was a death threat against you earlier today.
So we thought it might be good to move you to this secured location.
All right, well [ZIPS UP FLY.]
I better go.
Mr.
Martin, you actually have to stay here for the night.
-The night? No, no, no, Jack-- -Chuck, actually.
I get death threats all the time, okay? Besides, it's party night.
-It's Tuesday.
-Exactly.
I've gotta go.
Um, you know what, how about--? I'm gonna call my bosses.
Chuck, the record company got you this phone, right? -Sure.
-Mm.
Okay.
Why did you--? I'll get you a new one.
Chuck.
In case you haven't noticed yet I just asked you to party with me.
Come on.
Come on.
[CHUCK MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY.]
-Yeah.
What a night.
-Ha-ha-ha.
TYLER: You got money, right? Because I don't hold cash.
First, a little liquid nourishment.
Then we'll get on to the heavy drinking.
Oh, you know, I'm actually more of a beer guy.
-Something amber-complected.
-Not tonight.
I may be a rum-soaked narcissist but I am also the best wingman you will ever have.
Get that down your neck.
Go on.
See you guys in the Emergency Room.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
TYLER: Mm.
Hello? Ha, ha.
Gavin, you old slapper.
No, I'm with the rep from the label.
Chuck.
-Never heard of you.
-I've never heard of him.
He's never heard of you.
Ha, ha.
No, never mind, see you later.
Who's for another drink? [CROWD CHEERING.]
Ladies, tonight, all the drinks -on the record company.
-Oh! To determine who will be the plus one of my golden ticket we will settle this with Morgan's special triathlon.
First up, the Molly Ringwald underpants challenge.
The first of you to present to me women's underpants is gonna-- [UNDERPANTS RIP THEN LESTER SCREAMS.]
I'm a man.
For God's sakes, I'm a man! Oh.
-I'm actually gonna accept these.
-A ticket's not that important to me.
I need some ice.
[LESTER WHINES.]
Soft features, you know.
Look, if you're worried about Chuck, I can scare him straight.
I'd actually enjoy that.
Uh, no, it's okay.
I'll get him under control.
[CASEY SIGHS.]
-Too late.
TYLER: So I said: "I'll give you the dog for the trousers.
" That's how I got the trousers.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, Chuck, I'll tell what you need.
Aspirin.
-A tattoo.
-Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not crazy about needles.
Ladies love a little bit of ink.
Whenever I do something amazing you know, feed the starving, help the homeless rescue some emaciated refugee, I map it out here, on my body.
How do you know what they all mean? Well, this here means "serenity.
" It's not, it could be "bliss.
" I don't know.
Gavin, my manager, sorts it all out.
You know, you gotta kind of trust the artist-- -Are you Tyler Martin? -Yes, I am.
And this here is Chuck.
Chuck is in my band.
[IN BRITISH ACCENT.]
Yeah.
I'm in his band all right.
Drummer.
Just laying the beats down, like a little drummer boy.
Come, they told me.
Pa rum pum pum pum.
-Um, you guys wanna dance? TYLER: Yes.
-No.
-Yes, we do.
-No.
I'm not really a dancer.
TYLER: Yeah, come on.
Unless it's, like, ballet.
But this isn't a ballet place.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
I'm much better at ironic dancing.
What happened to your accent? Sorry.
I don't really have one.
I don't really care.
Round two.
The Subway sprint.
There's one thing you gotta ask yourself, Butterman.
Do you like succulent chicken oozing with bacon and ranch dressing? I love succulent chicken.
I'm in your head, son.
Let's use this, use this.
Are you ready? Set, consume.
Stay loose! [CROWD CHEERING.]
MAN 1: Pace yourself! WOMAN: Oh.
MAN 1: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Keep it down or you're disqualified.
MORGAN: Keep it-- MAN 2: Let it go, baby.
-Let it go.
MORGAN: Keep it-- Attaboy.
Thattaboy.
Get to work.
My God, man.
We have a winner.
The winner.
[THUDS.]
Winner.
The signal is weak, but I still have a trace.
He's somewhere in the club.
Casey, it's him.
Damn it.
He made me.
Go.
-Freeze.
CASEY: Halt.
Get on the ground.
You'll want to be more gentle with me.
[BOMBS BEEPING.]
Get your hands up.
Do it.
I'm going to walk away from you now.
[GROWLS.]
I'd rather we all go up.
Casey, be careful.
Then you should know that Mr.
Martin is still in danger.
I have some friends set to meet him.
So by all means, stay here and die.
Or you can go save him.
Casey, we gotta get Chuck.
Come on.
[GRUMBLES.]
TYLER: Oh.
Oh, I'm allergic to that.
Chuck, we got a problem.
These girls wanna take us upstairs and do despicable things to us.
Tyler, Tyler.
That's not such a great idea.
All the best nights of my life have begun with that very sentence.
No, no, but-- Which brings us to the final leg of our triathlon.
-Good Lord, is that--? -Yeah, Butterman, it is.
May I present to you the urinal cake.
Okay, here's the deal.
The winner will be the first one of you-- Oh, come on.
Dude, seriously.
Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you? You were just supposed to touch it.
I still win, right? All right, who stole the urinal cakes? I splashed myself silly.
TYLER: Ah, the penthouse level.
My home away from home, ladies.
So I think we should maybe just head in this direction.
Tyler, I need to talk to you, buddy.
-In a minute.
-No.
It's important.
I need to talk to right you.
I'm sorry.
If you could make yourself comfortable inside then we could have our talk and then we'll join you.
-How's that sound? Ha-ha-ha.
-What? Thanks so much.
Listen to me very carefully.
These women are very, very dangerous.
Don't worry, I always use protection.
Good looking out.
That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm begging you.
Just once, deny yourself this pleasure.
-You're right.
It's totally selfish of me.
-Oh, good.
Let's go.
-You need this much more than I do.
-No, no, Tyler.
No, I'm not talking about-- Please don't.
Please don't.
[CHUCK PANTING.]
Hey.
[CHUCK LAUGHS THEN CLEARS THROAT.]
Um.
-Where's Tyler? -That's an excellent question.
Tyler just-- He stepped away for a second, but he's gonna be back.
-I guess you'll have to go first.
-First? Go first where? Go first what? Why am I going first? Why do I have to be first? First is the worst, second is the best.
And third-- Hi.
Oh.
[STUTTERING.]
Those are my shoes.
I need those shoes.
No, those are my pants.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I think that you have overestimated my prowess as a lover and as a man.
Just looking at you, I could feel that you require a real rock star, so.
Tyler.
What happened to not leaving your wingman? [PANTING.]
-Sarah.
-Where are you? Oh! Top floor.
Tyler's suite.
Or more specifically, the roof outside of it.
Things have gotten a little out of hand.
[SCREAMS.]
[SCREAMS.]
Oh! Oh! Mmm.
This is so romantic.
The perfect second honeymoon.
[WOMAN GIGGLES THEN SCREAMS.]
Press the button for the lobby, please? No, no.
The lobby, the lobby.
Where you going? Where you going? No, the lobby-- Ladies.
[CHUCK WHIMPERING.]
No.
Oh.
No.
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS.]
Ladies.
You ready for me? Tyler, run! Sorry, I must be going.
[THUDS.]
Hi.
[GRUNTING.]
SARAH: Aah! -Go, Sarah.
[WOMAN GRUNTS.]
Hey.
Lobby, please? Unh.
SARAH: Chuck, what were you thinking? I gave you clear instructions to keep him here and instead you take him to a nightclub? Interesting tactical decision there.
What--? Timeout.
Listen, he woke up and I couldn't stop him.
I don't have a knock-out karate chop like you guys.
-It's not part of my skill set.
-Where am I? And how was I? We're the government.
We're here to protect you.
Wait.
There was an elevator.
Chuck, you were there.
Two girls.
One of them had a gun.
It was pointed at me.
Tyler, Tyler, it's all right.
Like Casey said, we're here to protect you.
I need to call my manager.
No, Mr.
Martin.
We don't know who's involved.
I have to call my manager.
Oh, good show.
Casey, what is wrong with you? You can't do that.
You're gonna give the guy brain damage or liver problems.
Too late on both counts.
-I know why they're trying to kill him.
-What? His back.
The tattoo on his back.
It's not Arabic philosophy.
It's a clear message about a private reactor that's being built in North Africa.
His manager is bringing in the tattoo artists.
Of course.
He's a rock star, he travels the world.
His manager's using him to move secrets.
Idiot never knew what the ink meant.
You're wrong about Tyler.
He's actually a pretty good guy.
He's an idiot, Bartowski.
Just like you.
I should never have left you alone.
SARAH: Chuck, Casey is right.
You could've gotten yourself killed.
What exactly were you thinking? What was I thinking? I'll tell you what.
I was thinking like I wasn't a spy, okay? I was trying to have fun.
I knew the second I called you two it would be over.
But, Chuck, you are a spy.
You should know better than put yourself in a situation where I can't protect you.
Is it really so wrong to want a night off? I was having a good time, too until the assassins stole my pants and tried to kill me.
I've earned it.
I deserve it.
[TRANQ DART HITS CHUCK.]
I'm losing consciousness.
[THUDS.]
Casey.
My ears couldn't take it.
Either that or I shoot him.
[COCKS.]
JEFF: Ready for the sweet life tonight? MORGAN: Yeah, sure.
Backstage passes.
You know what that means, don't you? No, I've never been backstage.
That ticket's our passport to freedom.
Not only is there free beer backstage but there are women that haven't been sober for years.
And we're allowed in, so the ladies assume we're not losers.
Wow, it sounds like a fairy tale.
Poor Butterman.
Man's been trapped in an 8-by-10 cell for years.
He ate when they said, "Chow time" and he slept when they shouted, "Lights out.
" Now look at him.
Broken.
Man had a choice of five sodas.
A choice we take for granted every day.
A choice he's been denied for far too long.
I'm sorry, Jeff, this ticket doesn't belong to us.
This ticket belongs to Butterman.
Man deserves his passport to freedom.
You and I, we're gonna give it to him.
I'll make it up to you.
Buy you a keg.
What do you like? JEFF: It's called beer.
-Done.
-Beer brand.
MORGAN: Done.
BECKHAM [OVER MONITOR.]
: Your flash turned up good intel, Chuck.
The man you confronted last night is Achmed Gambir a top foot soldier in a private army in North Africa.
We've been trying to infiltrate their ranks for years.
I want you to capture Achmed at tonight's concert.
He's the key to bringing down this merc army.
What? Wait, wait.
You want Tyler on stage? As bait? Mr.
Martin knows that there are people after him and he won't go on.
-Well, then convince him.
CHUCK: Wait, no, no.
No, no, guys.
This is way too dangerous.
Tyler could get killed.
Those are nightmares tattooed on his body.
We have to take Gambir down.
Okay.
Okay, fine, fine.
You go tell him he has to put his life on the line because he was a pawn in someone else's game.
He won't listen to us.
So you want me to do it? No, absolutely not.
What do you mean, no? We have orders.
Chuck, what is the matter with you? This is about more than taking a night off.
Maybe.
Um, I.
You know, I'm a little off my game right now.
I'm not really sleeping.
I don't wanna get into it.
Chuck, lives are on the line right now.
And if Tyler doesn't help us, he will never be free of those people.
If you don't help us, then Gambir gets away.
And the world becomes a more dangerous place.
I don't know what happened, but this is our job: Not only to protect Tyler, but the country and anybody else who needs protecting.
We do whatever it takes, no matter what.
Did you forget that? That I definitely didn't forget.
Oh, we don't have time for this.
Wait.
I'll do it.
I'll convince him.
[HUMMING.]
Hey, man.
[OVER MONITOR.]
You okay? No.
No, I'm not okay.
I don't know where I am, how I got here and someone is trying to kill me.
On the plus side, your friend's tranqs are out of this world.
[GRUNTS.]
CHUCK [OVER MONITOR.]
: One of his few good qualities.
I've never been in a situation like this before, life or death.
Pretty much live my life avoiding anything this real.
It takes some getting used to.
What do you want me to do? We would like for you to perform tonight at your special concert.
That's madness.
People are trying to kill me.
Yes.
And you can help us catch them.
You can help the world, the entire world, by doing this, for real.
You could go back to living your life again.
[OVER MONITOR.]
One night of bravery for an entire life of normalcy.
[SIGHS.]
I can't even tell you what I'd give for that.
[SIGHS.]
How do I know I can trust them, your people? Because I do.
[OVER MONITOR.]
They're the best.
I stake my life on it every day.
I got one thing to say.
Hello, Cleveland.
-It's Burbank.
-Right.
I'm dyslexic.
You boys have given me back hope.
Thanks.
You deserve a taste of the sweet life, man.
Enjoy it for all of us.
LESTER: Do us proud, Butterman.
-Thanks.
BUTTERMAN: Thank you.
Dude, how could you just sell the golden ticket like that? Sorry, guys.
I found out how much these things are going for online.
But your freedom, man? Was it worth the price of freedom? Price of my freedom's 800 bucks.
Same as my ticket to Zihuatanejo.
See you never, enjoy hell.
Get busy living or get busy dying.
True that.
Well, back to work.
ANNOUNCER: Twenty minutes until Tyler Martin takes the stage.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
CASEY: Chuck.
-Yeah, I'm here.
Don't let Tyler hit the stage till we give the okay.
Okay.
Got it.
Sarah, I made the mark.
Get on my 6, I'm intercepting.
[CASEY GRUNTS.]
-Why are you wearing this? -Some guy gave me free tickets.
-He just said I had to wear this jacket.
-He's ahead of us.
Which one is he? BOUNCER: Sorry, buddy.
No one allowed to see Mr.
Martin.
[SQUELCHING THEN MEN GRUNT.]
Oh? Ha, ha.
Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no.
Yeah, you get it, Chuck.
Get my own door.
-Open this door.
-It's him, it's him.
-Who? -The guy who is trying to kill you.
Here? I thought you said we were safe.
-I know you are in there, Mr.
Martin.
-I need another drink.
That's a good idea.
No, that's-- No, no.
Hey, get in there.
-Get back there.
ACHMED: Open this door.
-What about you, Chuck? -I'll be all right.
Just stay in the closet.
Wait.
Take off your shirt.
Just trust me.
Hey.
MAN 1: Aah.
MAN 2: Hey.
-Sarah, it's Chuck.
-Chuck, what is it? Achmed is outside of dressing room.
I don't know what happened to guards.
Stay where you are.
I'm coming.
I didn't need the night off.
You're right.
It's something else I should have told you.
I should've-- [GRUNTS.]
Chuck? Chuck, can you hear me? Move.
Excuse me.
Go.
I think maybe you have the wrong room.
-Tell me where he is.
-Tell you where who is? Oh! Oh, where he is.
Where Tyler is.
Right.
You know, he skipped out.
I don't know where he is.
So sorry.
He's gone.
[SCOFFS.]
He's in the closet.
Move.
Coming through.
Move.
Okay, you got us.
Yeah, worst plan ever.
But I know about the tattoo.
And I know what it means.
You and your army enriching uranium, selling it to unstable countries using Tyler's manager and his tattoos to pass the info off to your buyers.
You take one more step, I send this e-mail and everyone knows.
Proving that the cell is mightier than the sword.
Or a very large knife, as it might be in this case.
Go.
Move.
Now put it down.
Put it down.
[SIGHS.]
-No! -No! -I can't let you do this for me.
-Actually, my plan was working very well.
No! -Follow me.
-What's going on? Gavin, you're fired.
We're running to stage.
He's behind us.
-Chuck, are you okay? CHUCK: Yeah, just get us out of here.
Okay, good.
Come on, come on, come on.
ANNOUNCER: Everybody give it up for Tyler Martin.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Hey.
Yeah.
Whoo! Help.
TYLER: Hello, Los Angeles.
Burbank, is it? -Ready to rock? -What do we do now? -Jump.
-What? Jump.
Chuck.
Jump.
[SCREAMS.]
TYLER: Go with it, Chuck.
Just relax.
CHUCK: Go with it? Okay, okay, okay.
Stephanie, right? Stephanie.
Yeah.
Huh? If you think I look mad, wait till you see her.
Aah! [SARAH GRUNTS.]
Whoa, hey! Little too much to drink there, pal.
Let's get you some coffee.
We got him.
Ha-ha-ha! See? Told you they were the best.
That's it, all right.
Now, back to the stage.
Come on, I wanna sing now.
All right, like he said, back to the stage.
MAN: Who the hell are you, man? -Whoa! -Grimes, where's my boy, Butterman? -Um, he kind of took off suddenly.
Can't blame him.
Man's gotta run free after being locked up so long.
Yeah, Big Mike, do you mind if I ask you what Butterman was in the can for? I mean, are we talking robbery? Drugs? Murder? -Butterman? -Yeah.
God, no.
Bank fraud, insider trading.
The man's a white-collar criminal.
Why? He take you fools for some money? -He said he was going somewhere.
-Zihuatanejo? [LAUGHS.]
That's Mexican for Philadelphia.
[LAUGHS.]
I knew I should have learned Spanish.
[TYLER SIGHS.]
TYLER: I can't believe my manager's going to jail.
Think about it.
No privacy.
Be like hell on bloody Earth.
Yeah, tell me about it.
You understand why you're gonna have to have your tattoos removed? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I hear you're the bro to talk to to get more of those tasty tranq darts.
[GROWLS.]
Philistine.
-Thanks, Chuck.
-Oh, hey, it was nothing.
No, no, it was everything.
You taught me to put people in front of myself.
Felt kind of wonderful.
I can strike that off the list now.
If you ever wanna party, you know where to come.
Yeah.
Actually, I don't think that's my scene.
Smart man, Chuck.
Smart man.
[CHUCK LAUGHS.]
All right.
-Take it easy.
-You too.
Hello, Mr.
Martin.
Your limousine is waiting outside.
You know my name.
-Have we made love before? SARAH: No.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
Daddy's gotta go.
Sorry.
You did a great job, Chuck.
Thanks.
Look, if there is something bothering you, then please tell me.
I know part of your job is to have these secrets in your head but you're not supposed to keep them from me.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I saw you shoot that Fulcrum agent on Christmas Eve.
After they took over the Buy More.
-And when I asked you about it-- -I lied.
Yeah.
-Chuck, I have to protect you.
-I know that.
I-- I.
I know that you do.
And you were protecting me.
You were protecting all of us.
He threatened my family, my friends, and you were just doing your job.
I get that, but.
-Sarah, the guy was unarmed and you just-- -I did what I had to.
He knew who you really were.
Your whole family was in danger.
And I'm sorry.
Sometimes I forget that you never asked for all of this.
There's parts I'm not sure I'll ever get used to.
Well, you deserve a break, so take tonight, tomorrow.
Uh, whatever you need, it's yours.
-Seriously? Really? -Yeah.
No missions, no cameras, no Casey, no thermal-satellite surveillance and no me.
-You guys use satellites? -Yeah.
And, Chuck, when you're ready again, we'll be here waiting.
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT.]
-Hey, what's this? What's going on? -Lock and load.
New mission.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Wait.
A new mission? What kind of mission? It's fine, Chuck.
We got it.
What--? What kind of mission? A mission without Bartowski.
I'm really gonna enjoy this.
[CAR DOOR OPENS.]
Hey, guys.
Where are we going? Well, come on, Casey.
No time for a break.
We've got work to do.
[CAR ENGINE REVS.]