Dead Like Me s02e12 Episode Script

When I was little, my father, who was an english teacher, used to tell me that I would never be alone as long as I had a good book.
Good thing.
You ready to go to Susie's birthday party? No.
My book's getting good.
George, we RSVP'd.
I didn't RSVP anything.
- We bought her a present.
- What did you get her? We got her a flannel nightgown, with pretty little flowers on it.
Mom, you're going toget me killed.
Georgia, don't be silly.
We're going.
- Not.
- You are so.
- So not.
- Why do you have to be so obstinate? "Obstinate.
" O-B-S-T-I-N-A-T-E.
"Stubborn.
" Georgia Lass, you cannot spend your entire life with your nose stuck in a book.
Try me.
Reading didn't make me popular, and reading didn't necessarily make me happy.
What it did make me was a really good speller.
"Succedaneum.
" S-U-C-C-E-D-A-N-E-U-M.
Fuck off.
S U C-C-E-D-A-N-E-U-M.
Nice one, Georgie.
Nice one, Georgie.
I was a reader.
Focus, Harjeet.
Eyes on the prize.
Your trophy, and 10,000 big ones! Mr.
Akhtar, no talking to the finalists.
I'm gunning for the nerd.
And that would be which one? "Thanatos.
" Shit.
Could I hear the definition, please? Desire for death.
"An instinctual desire for death.
" Very nice, Mason.
It is kind of in my wheelhouse, isn't it? Come on, Franc.
Kick his little ass.
Go on, my son.
Go on.
Uh, shouldn't you be focusing on that? Uh, shouldn't you shut the fuck up so he can spell the fucking word, Georgie? "Thanatos.
" T-H A-N-A T-O-S.
"Thanatos.
" Excuse me.
Mr.
Mcfadden.
That word is far too easy.
- That's your guy.
- It's an insult.
My son has had much harder words.
Much harder.
Please remain silent, or you will be asked to leave the auditorium.
The next word is "apoplectic.
" Miss it.
Miss it.
Miss it.
Game over anyway.
"Apoplectic.
" A-P P-E-P L-E-C-T-I-C.
"Apoplectic.
" I'm sorry.
- "Apoplectic" is spelled A-P-- - No! What just happened? Oh, I'm afraid you are D-E-D.
That's D-E-A-D.
I was joking.
Coffee, please, Kiffany.
Does anyone ever order the Elvis Presley? - Sure.
- What's in it? Peanut butter, bananas, bacon, and cool whip.
- What does that taste like? - Death on a plate.
Yeah, I'll just get the coffee.
I hear you have a boyfriend.
Who'd you hear that from? Doesn't matter who I heard it from.
Is it true? No.
So you don't have a boyfriend who's living and breathing and has no idea that you're a grim reaper? Did roxy tell you that? - Tell me what? - That I have a boyfriend.
That handsome devil I saw you leaving with last night? - Is that your boyfriend? - No.
Okay.
Hey.
How'd it go? G-R-E-A-T.
It was a spelling bee.
Seriously, how'd it go? F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C.
How do I get it to stop? Well, go on, Georgie, tell him.
As far as senseless, brutal deaths go, I'd say it went beautifully.
Yeah, so maybe a simple thank you is in order, instead of your constant irritation, Rubie.
Maybe a little bit of G-R-A-T uh itude.
For you and you.
Where's Roxy? She has got a personal day.
Well, why don't I have a personal day? Because you're an F-U-C-K-U-P.
"Fuck up" has two words.
Actually, "fuck-up" is a hyphenate.
Well, it is.
This is in a bad part of town.
I know that address.
That's the linklater boxing gym.
Sounds sweaty and violent.
Why don't you keep her company? I think I'm past the "I need protection" stage, don't you? I don't think I'd consider Mason's company "protection.
" Well, whatever it is, no thanks.
You already have company today, princess? Your boyfriend riding shotgun for your reap? I don't have a boyfriend, okay? I don't have a boyfriend.
Mason, I would love it if you could come with me to the gym.
I'd feel safer.
I would be so happy to.
B-Y-E.
Tell me about her boyfriend.
Uh, Kiffany? I haven't met him.
Blueberry pancakes.
What? What did you do? I made blueberry pancakes.
You make those when you feel guilty.
That's not true.
Why are you dressed like a realtor? Because I'm going out job hunting.
Why? Because they give you money at the end of the day.
I'm just looking for something temporary.
You know, office work.
Sounds boring.
Well, Reggie,it's either that or we sell the dog to a chinese restaurant.
That's not funny.
All right, I guess that's not a good idea.
Golden Retrievers just aren't good eatin'.
So when you're at work, who's going to watch me? Who do you want to watch you? No one.
Daisy has alleged in the past that she has had dalliances with men, sexual escapades with people who were alive while she was a reaper.
If so it's a blunder.
Charlie Chaplin, Tyrone Powers, Babe Ruth I've heard the stories.
Douglas Fairbanks, Errol Flynn, William Holden-- I get it.
William holden? Yeah, I don't know who that is either.
Sunset boulevard? Face down in the swimming pool? Jesus.
The point, George, is that, uh these alleged indiscretions they were not on my watch.
I am not a snitch, Rube.
I'm not telling on Daisy.
Georgia, snitching is not the point.
The point is, she shouldn't be involved with someone living.
The point is, keep the syrup away from the eggs.
I like syrup on my eggs.
Who's that? - Who's who? - This.
George, right? Yeah, Daisy told me this is one of her haunts.
- Hey.
Ray summers.
- Rube.
Quite a death grip you got there, Rube.
You seen my girl? Oh, she just left.
So much for timing.
What's your story, Ray? My story is that I'm a television producer.
- You may have seen my program.
It's-- - I don't watch that much television.
Let me guess.
- You're a reader.
- I'm a reader.
How do you know daisy, Ray? Met her in a bar, bought her a drink or three.
We may have been a little over-served that night.
So you're just drinking buddies? No.
No, no.
Daisy's my, uh my good luck charm.
Charm, perhaps.
Good luck not in my experience.
Well, maybe not in your experience, but actually, come to think of it, the night I met her, some guy died.
- You were there.
- No, I wasn't.
I wasn't.
- So how do you know Daisy, Rube? - That's not any of your business.
Wow.
Don't candy-coat it for me, Rube.
- If I'm not welcome here-- - You are not welcome here.
Did I say something to offend you? - No.
- Then what's your problem? I just don't like strangers all that much, and I did not invite you to sit down at this table with people you do not know.
- Actually, Rube, I know george here.
- You don't know me.
Okay.
You folks have a nice day.
I do not like him.
Don't you want to just slap that smile right off his face? Yeah, so I really don't think it's a good idea for you to invite Ray to a reap.
Oh, suddenly you're the responsible one.
Come on.
It's reckless.
He might see something.
Please.
He doesn't notice anything.
He's blinded by love.
Ha! You are flirting with disaster, Daisy Adair.
You just don't like it that I'm flirting at all.
Come on.
I'm not interested in you in that way anymore actually.
Really.
Anymore.
- I believe you.
- Good.
I just don't want to see you get hurt.
How's it going? What's your name? Crystal.
Um, will miss Herbig be back soon? I don't like hospitals.
Why? Who the hell likes hospitals? Well, let's see.
Doctors, nurses, orderlies.
People who are sick and want to get better.
People who know people who are sick and want them to get better.
I don't see anyone around here who looks like they're getting any better.
Well, it's the long-term care ward.
They're probably not going out the way they came in.
- Do we know her? - We do.
Natural causes is one of the nicer assignments for a reaper, especially in a hospital.
No chasing anyone down.
Everyone's got a name tag.
Nice gig.
Except everyone's really old.
You got something against old people? They just freak me out a little, and the really old ones irritate me.
That's nice.
You know when they're crossing a street at the "walk" sign, and the time is ticking by, and even if they start right away, they still never make it across on time.
That irritates you? They're really slow.
- Go find your reap.
- Okay.
How? Hey, Bud, do you have an N.
Rommey on this floor? It's N.
Rommey, like "mommy.
" Nina.
Room 331.
See? It's a nice gig.
I'll see you later.
My bonny lies over the ocean my bonny lies over the sea my bonny lies over-- Are we there yet? Where? Are we there yet? Well, I don't believe we are.
Are you N.
Rommey? Yes.
No.
My bonny lies over the ocean my bonny lies over the sea my bonny lies over the ocean so bring back my bonny to me.
Like I said, they freak me out a little.
Now, you know it's better when you stay in your room.
My room.
Uh, is this Nina? I am mrs.
Nina Rommey.
How do you do? - Nina, no, no.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We're hearing a story today.
It's a fairy tale.
Well, once upon a time, you were alive, then you died.
The end.
Oh, hey, I know you.
You're the one who was killed by a toilet seat.
God, will anyone ever let that go? - Blah, blah, blah, blah-- - Blah, blah, blah.
- I'm Penny.
- I'm George.
Nina, this is George.
She's come to take care of you.
We have to go.
We really don't want to be late.
Oh, we won't be.
Kate Hepburn boxed.
Also Kitty Lombard.
It's a great acting exercise.
I need to find my reap before ray gets here.
Good idea.
He'll be dead and gone before Ray even shows up.
Boxers are really beautiful.
Boxers are really beautiful.
Ray's really beautiful.
I'll tell you who's beautiful, Daisy.
I'll tell you who's beautiful.
It's fucking me.
I'm beautiful.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm hot.
I'm hot.
I can box.
I can box.
Who is it, crowd? Who is it? It's kid Mason! Yeah! Kid Mason.
Kid Mason.
Yeah, the Masonator.
The Masonator.
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out.
Yeah, you're not so fucking beautiful now, are you, Ray? Whoa! Easy, tiger.
Ooh.
Sorry, mate.
Daisy called me.
Good for you.
Asked me to meet her here.
- And? - And I'm here.
Are you her lap dog, Ray? Did you just bark at me? No.
No.
Can you box, Ray? Can you? Bit of boxing, hey? Can you? Huh? I've had my share of fights, if that's your question.
Really? Oh, I'm just asking, because, uh, you know not every man can box.
You know what I mean? Something you want to say to me, Mason? No.
Well, then don't stand so fucking close.
Seriously.
Step back.
You step back.
Okay.
Okay, Mason, you win.
You get to take home the big prize.
Oh, no, wait.
I do.
Fuck off, you righteous fucking cocksucker.
Pardon me, I'm looking for a I think it's a mr.
Washington.
It's Kid.
Kid washington.
You are just so much more handsome up close than in the ring.
I'm not the Kid.
Oh.
Oh.
What can I do for you, miss? Oh, I - I just wanted to meet you.
- I'm Kid Washington, and you are I'm Daisy.
Daisy Adair.
Mm-hmm.
My father used to talk about you.
Oh, is that so? Yeah, he said your harrison fight was a classic.
Well, it's an honor to meet you, Kid.
Well, nice of you to stop by today, miss.
All right, Louis.
Showing off is an easy way to get hurt.
Chris, code blue in 301.
Get me dr.
Rothschild.
- Is that the school bell? - Sure.
We're going to be late for class.
Oh, no, we won't.
We'll be right on time.
Ooh.
Thank you.
Oh, I have to take these.
I'd seen a lot of people die-- hit by a bus, mauled by a bear, torn up by a lawnmower-- but this quiet mistake I couldn't make sense of.
Then again, neither could Nina.
I know I wasn't supposed to interfere, but I just wanted to stop her before it was too late.
Nina.
Let's go back to your room.
Your hair is so pretty.
Thank you.
Get me out of this.
Are you kidding? Two boys fighting over me? It's my dream.
Lovely.
I'm not fighting over you, but this could hurt.
You heal fast.
That doesn't take away from the hurty-painy bit.
You forgot to kiss me for good luck.
Not in front of Mason.
Hey, go easy on him.
Easy on him? I think that ship's pretty much sailed.
Why do you have to be like that? Why do you have to be mean? Hey, I'm just finishing what you started, sweetheart.
You're the one who put the guy in harm's way.
No, I didn't.
You're involved with two men, Daisy.
That story never ends well.
Now, shut up and kiss me.
Let's go.
We all like working with Ricky.
That's nice.
Ricky was doing velum binding on, like, his third day here.
Delores didn't even talk to me about that kind of responsibility until at least week two.
And he's excellent about recycling.
I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about.
Aren't you Ricky's mom? No.
He said his mom was visiting him today at lunch.
You look like you could be his mom.
- Well, I'm not her.
- Are you sure? Yeah, I'm here to be placed for a job.
That's that's really brave.
"Brave?" Yeah, I mean, to just Do you want half a sandwich? It's tuna.
No, thanks.
Hi.
I'm Delores Herbig.
- Crystal tells me you're - Joy.
Joy Lass.
Well, why don't you follow me to my cubicle, and we'll have a chat, ms.
Lass or is it mrs.
? Ms.
is fine.
Coming? Yes.
I'm a little rusty, so help me out here.
Is that the two-step or the cha-cha? Cha, cha-cha-chance to beat your white, pasty ass, motherfucker.
I'm not familiar with that one.
Need a little help there, Ginger? Should I just kill him or send him to the hospital? Seriously, don't hurt him.
Play nice.
It's a fight, Daisy.
You're going to have to pick a corner.
I don't want to pick a corner.
He looks like a bleeder.
The drunks bleed like hell.
Yeah, I don't need to see this.
I don't need to see any of this.
Hey.
Hey! Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you.
Come on, bitch.
Come on, bitch.
Now you've made me mad.
I'm actually really sorry, Ray, because this is a gentleman's sport, isn't it, so so fuck off, bitchety-bitchy-bitch! Come on! Yeah, go on, darling.
Hide that pretty face of yours, sweetheart, because you are going to leave here hurting.
Your unborn children and grandchildren and step-half bloody two-headed nephews are going to be feeling the fucking pain, beeotch! Come on! Like the pain you feel every time I take your precious Daisy home and fuck her? Whoa.
Kid.
You all right? Get up, Kid.
Come on.
Am I getting up? No.
Oh.
Yeah.
Sorry.
You're down for the count.
Night-night.
I'm sleepy.
I know.
We shouldn't cut class today.
Come on, under the covers.
Book reports are due today.
Did you read the book? I loved it.
Yeah, me too.
- Are we there yet? - I think so.
- I love the eighth grade.
- Yeah.
Eighth grade was fun.
History major, with a business minor in college, executive secretary for two law firms and I know gregg shorthand and medical shorthand.
Oh, wonderful.
Your resume is so well-organized.
Let's just input you into the databank.
I know I've heard your name before.
You know, your name sounds familiar to me as well.
Really? Huh.
Oh, my goodness.
Are you any relation to the young woman who died? That was my daughter.
George.
I hired her.
Georgia Lass.
You're the woman who gave her the job.
You called the house.
You and I spoke on the phone.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
I didn't spend much time with your daughter.
She seemed sweet.
- Did she? - No.
She seemed complicated.
Smart.
- What else? - Difficult.
A handful but promising, which is why I hired her.
We don't have to do this now, ms.
Lass.
We can reschedule, or not do it at all-- No.
I'm here.
I'm fine.
I want to work.
- It's "Joy.
" - Okay.
What do you want to do, Joy? What's your passion? What do you like? Oh, I don't know.
Well, uh, we have a number of, um I like making lists.
I like boxes.
Files.
Shelves.
Self-sticking labels.
Me too.
- So she was in this office? - Yes.
What did George do that last day, for work? I really, uh don't remember.
Okay, everyone, I know that you all think that you couldn't live without the internet, but before online research, there were card catalogues and paper cards in library book pockets.
Oh, reggie, don't play with those books.
They haven't been bar-coded yet.
They still have those antiquated check-out cards in them.
Sy Benjamin, if that is a skin magazine I see you holding, so help me Do you know who this is? I don't remember.
This is your husband, William.
- Who? - William.
There will be a quiz on this material.
Yeah, I know, and actually, I think you're late for that quiz, so this way No.
Oh! Nina, you really need to follow me.
- Don't tell me what to do.
- You're dead, Nina.
This is the lady who brushes my hair.
Yes.
That is your daughter, Beth and you are dead.
So who is this, this Rosie? Nobody you know.
Is it somebody you knew? Is she related to you? - Is she related to you? - Yes.
Beau chene.
That's a decent hospital? They take good care of people there? No, Rube, they water them once a week.
Look at you, driving on the wrong side of the road.
It's not good.
Thanks for this.
- How's Der Waffle Haus? - Good.
- Kiffany? - Fine.
- Your merry band of reapers? - They're awful.
Okay, you have to help me.
- She's one of the better ones.
- Better one what? What's the problem, George? I can't get her to go.
She won't follow me.
- Nina forgets things.
- Yeah, I picked up on that.
What penny's saying is she has no idea she's dead.
I get that.
How do I get her to go? I'm telling you, George, you have to get nina to connect to her own death before she can move on.
How the fuck am I supposed to do that? Ooh, she's got a mouth on her.
Always a pleasure, Penny.
I'll see you around the campus.
Are you kidding me? You're just bolting? I got fish to fry, little Georgia.
- Hey, I'm on my lunch break.
- Oh, come on.
Please? Sorry, honey, can't do it.
Come on.
I don't I don't really like old people.
Then you're one lucky girl.
- How so? - Because you'll never be one.
Listen, I have to report Nina's time of death to the hospital, but I'll delay as long as I can.
- So - So? Better get a move on peanut.
I would never become old.
Dead and young has to be better than alive and old.
Isn't it? Right? At least I remember things.
What happened? What do you mean, what happened? - You're labeling.
- I like to label.
When something bad happens.
I'm just reworking our shelving system.
Once I started doing that, I realized it was time to reorganize the pantry.
Oh, honey, could you get that? You know what? I'm not going to keep buying these chewy granola bar thingies anymore if you don't eat them.
You know, because I'm not made of money here.
Hi, boy.
Hi, Claire.
Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, but your dog your dog dropped a zoomer into my nasturtiums.
Well, claire, aren't zoomers supposed to be good for nasturtiums? Small flowers, big dog.
These flowers won a prize at the Pickwick club last year.
Yeah, I remember.
So if you could just be a little more careful with your dog Uh, yeah, we will.
Won't we? Don't look at me.
I wasn't home.
Quite a project you've got going on here.
Oh, my goodness.
Are you moving? No, no, I'm just, uh reorganizing my kitchen.
Oh, it's breathtaking.
Thank you.
You can see where everything is right away.
Well, a place for everything, and everything in its place.
- Did you do all this yourself? - I did.
Do you think would you ever come over and do this to my kitchen? Yeah, I could do that for 75 an hour.
How about thursday? Thursday's good.
What did Rube say? He said I have to make her connect to her own death.
This bloody job never bloody ends, does it? K-k-k-katy beautiful katy you're the only g-g-girl that I adore What's with the post-its? She forgets things.
They remind her of things or not.
Mason, don't.
It's not helping.
You're going to get her all riled up.
- Yeah, fight's over, Mason.
- What fight? - Ray hit him.
- I hit him back, and he nearly bloody died.
When the m-m-moon shines over the cowshed You know what, Daisy? - Ray's an asshole.
- Ray's an asshole.
See? Nina can't remember a thing, and even she can figure that one out.
Yeah, well, I'm not going to see him anymore.
Really? I'm done.
Good.
Excellent.
Moving on-- I'll be waiting at the k-k-kitchen door So, this is Nina? This is Nina, whether she knows it or not.
Hello, nina.
Hello, my darling.
Hello.
I have to tell you something.
You have to listen to me very carefully.
It might upset you, but listen to me, okay? James Bond.
You're dead.
You snuffed it.
Shaken but not stirred.
Okay, she's batty.
She's gone.
She's gone.
Is there anything valuable in here? No.
She can't remember a thing.
She doesn't even know who she is.
- I have a thought.
- You're very pretty.
- Oh, thank you.
- Perfect.
She seems pretty lucid to me.
Dad? Hello, Beth.
Your husband, William.
Your daughter, Beth.
Dad, I have some horrible news.
What is it? Mom is dead.
Dead? Your mother? Dead? Nina? Sitting right there? Dead? Woe is us.
Woe is me.
Just woe.
Dead.
Really fucking dead.
Was I all right? Was that good? - Yeah, it was incredible.
- I had fun.
Yeah, but not that great.
How do you explain to someone what death is? What do I say? "Death is like" what? It's like a play, right? The swan song, the last act The fat lady singing.
That's what it is.
The final curtain.
How do I tell someone who doesn't understand that the show's over? How do I tell someone who doesn't quite understand the words that it's okay to leave? Reggie needs to disappear.
Reggie, look at that face.
Look at the monkey face.
Yes, you are.
You are so cute.
Does the little monkey know how precious she is? She is so perfect.
Just perfect.
Daddy loves you.
Mom? Yeah, george? I don't want Reggie to die.
Okay.
That's good, sweetie.
Well, no one here wants anyone to die, George.
What do we do? Not a thing.
It's sibling rivalry.
Spock says it's completely normal.
"I don't want Reggie to die" is not normal.
Relax, Joy.
It'll disappear.
She'll forget she ever said it.
How's your book, sweetie? Pretty good.
How's your thumb? Hey, could I have one? Did you see she made a raisin sandwich? Put a raisin right in there.
Look what she did.
Look what she did.
She did that herself.
- Look, she made that.
- She did that? Nina couldn't move on because she couldn't remember, but most of us are haunted by the things we can't forget.
- Are we there yet? - Are we there yet? - Stop it! - Great, now she won.
What am I supposed to do? She's forgotten everything.
I can't talk to her about her memories because I don't know her.
It's like she's not even here.
It's a joke.
It's like there's no difference between being dead and alive.
I need a drink.
Yeah, I can't let him drink alone.
Well, don't worry about me.
What? What do you want? The post-it? Beth.
My daughter, Beth.
Do you want to hear a story, Nina? Oh, I love stories.
Well, once, there was a girl named George.
She was 18 years old, and she didn't have a husband William, she didn't have a daughter named Beth, but she had a mom, a father, and a sister, and one day, she went outside.
It was a sunny day, few clouds, but an ordinary day, and she went out to get some lunch, and this man he stopped me, and he talked to me, and he knew my last name.
I told him to leave me alone, but then something from the sky fell, and I didn't feel anything.
I couldn't remember anything, at first, but then I did.
I realized I died.
I died.
I'm dead.
I'm dead.
That's right.
Yes.
That's right.
That's all right.
Thank you.
You're welcome, Nina.
I didn't know Nina's story.
I could only tell her mine.
It was the only story I really knew.
I guess death makes everything grow cold.
I hadn't been thinking about Reggie at all lately, or my mom, or my dad.
I hadn't been thinking about them at all, and I bet they weren't thinking about me.
Either way, my afterlife was a secret.
Anything else was just too dangerous.
My bonny lies over the ocean my bonny lies over the sea my bonny lies over the ocean so bring back my bonny to me We were just getting home from the hospital.
I didn't ask you where you were.
What are you doing here, Ray? Waiting for you.
Well, not you, not you, but you.
You left the gym without saying goodbye.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
I think you should piss off.
I think you should stay out of this, Ginger.
Somebody die at the hospital? No.
Somebody died at the gym today, but then, you knew that, and the night we met, and two days ago.
I'm beginning to think that you're bad luck.
Yeah.
I am.
Yeah.
That's what your friend Rube told me this morning.
- You met Rube? - Mm-hmm.
He wasn't very nice to me.
Then again, none of you has been very nice to me.
You really should leave now.
Okay.
I'll go.
And don't come back.
I'm done with you.
Good for you.
I think you're right to end it.
Just one thing, sweetie.
You don't end things.
I end them.
You don't tell me you're done.
I do.
You're worse than bad luck.
You're a black fucking hole.
Fuck you.
You're not as genteel as you look, Daisy.
In fact, as pretty as you are, I just can't shake the feeling that you're really just a cheap hillbilly piece of tail.
He's dead.
He's dead? I I - I'm sorry.
- I'm not.
There's there's no post-it.
And there's no fucking soul.
Fucking Is there a shovel in here? There's got to be a shovel, hasn't there? Is there? This is all my fault.
This is all my fucking fault.
It's my fault.
It's my fault.
It's not your fault, and you're in it now.
You're in it now.
- Stop it.
- You are in it now.
It's nobody's fault.
Uh, and it's done.
- All right? - Yeah.
We keep this to ourselves, and no one needs to know.
What the fuck was that? How the fuck did you know that was going to happen, that graveling? Because I've seen it before, and he was right.
I'm bad luck.
There are things inside you that no one wants to face, things that you keep secret, even from yourself but secrets are funny.
The things that you try to hide always turn out to be the things you can't forget.