DuckTales (2017) s02e12 Episode Script

1 [EXHALES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Dumb earth gravity.
Won't keep me from the kids.
Okay, first impression is the only impression.
You gotta nail this.
Greetings children! [GROANS.]
Hello! Oh, hey, didn't see you there.
[GROANS.]
Simple, sincere.
It's just the most important moment of your life.
[LAUGHING.]
Behold! The Cartographer's Quill! A mystical artifact that sketches maps leading to the world's greatest treasures! [ALL EXCLAIM.]
- [SCROOGE.]
Imagine: All the money - [GIGGLES.]
- [SCROOGE.]
Daring adventure - Yeah! - [SCROOGE.]
Infinite wisdom - Mm.
[SCROOGE.]
And untold mystery in the world, literally at your fingertips.
Ooh! You had me at quill! This could be the most important moment of our adventuring lives! Sup, party people! I'm back in the hizou Oh, no Knew it was wrong as soon as I said it.
Sorry, that was terrible.
Can I get a do-over? Hi, Uncle Scrooge.
Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars lasers, airplanes It's a duck-blur We might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Ducktales, whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of derring-do Bad and good-luck tales Whoo-ooh D-d-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there Making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not phony tales or cottontails - No, Ducktales! - Whoo-ooh! Uh [GASPS.]
[LAUGHING.]
Mm It's you! It's really you! Oh, I cannot believe it! Oh, look at ya! Oh! Standing here.
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, I thought you were Dead? Not yet! - Where ? - The moon.
You were on the moon?! I searched the moon! Not hard enough! There were mites and aliens and I had to rebuild the spear with my tooth! Don't raise your voice at me, you rapacious rocketeer! [GIGGLES.]
I missed your Scroogian alliteration.
[SIGHS.]
Lost it in the crash.
Out of rocket parts! Brilliant! Leg or no, you're every bit the woman you were ten years ago.
Out of my way, old man, where are my [GASPS.]
- Who's the cyborg? - Is that ? It can't be Guys, I think that's your mom.
Huey, Dewey, Louie Meet Della Duck.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm part robot! I knew it! [GRUNTS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Wait, Huey, Dewey, and Louie? No, no, no Their names were supposed to be Jet, Turbo, and Rebel! - I coulda been Turbo?! - I told Donald.
I wrote it down in case no one could understand him.
I coulda been Turbo?! Hi, Huey-slash-Jet here.
How did you survive in a barren wasteland? Have you adjusted to our gravity? Did you make any customized modifications to your leg? Sheer determination to get back to you.
Kinda.
And no.
Because as Junior Woodchuck Rule 42 states: [BOTH.]
Build things right the first time and they won't need modification.
[GASPS.]
You really are my mom! - Get in here, Rebel! - Nope.
I'm not buying.
This has to be a trick, or a curse from Magica, or a parallel universe, or or [SNIFFLES.]
Mom! Mm-hm [CRYING.]
My heart! It's too full! [CHEWING.]
Wow, she is amazing.
Ah And now I'm done.
Thanks [GASPS.]
Agent 22?! You're the housekeeper now? Where's Duckworth? He's moved on.
Though sadly not far enough.
The underworld has fewer cobwebs to tend to.
You've been gone awhile, lass.
A lot has changed.
Is it true that parents pick favorites? Which one of us is yours? Did you suffer any side effects from the cosmic storm? Ooh! How many fingers am I holding up? - Wait, are you moving in? - Back to favorites.
It's ol' Turbo, right? I'm Webby! All right, that's enough for today.
Your mum must be tired after conquering the moon! [CHUCKLES.]
Let her rest.
Who can rest when there's so much lost time to make up for?! I've got my boys! [YELPS.]
- [GROANS.]
- My brother Wait, where's Donald? He's off on a relaxing remote vacation.
[SQUAWKING.]
Oh, instead of welcoming back his sister.
Must be nice.
Boys, I don't know what to say, except I'm so sorry for ever stepping foot on that rocket.
I never meant to leave you, or miss your first steps, or potty training Wait, you are potty trained, right? What I'm trying to say is, for a decade, I fought every day to get back to this family, and I will fight every day to be a part of it.
If you'll have me? - I - Of course! We're a family again! I missed you so much, you deserve to have the best mom, and I'm going to be the best mom.
Starting right now.
- Who wants cake? - [ALL.]
Yeah! To the kitchen! Which is apparently over here now! Did you remodel? [HUMMING.]
- [OVEN BEEPING.]
- Ooh! [EXCLAIMS.]
Perfect! Congratulations Birthday Valentine! Merry Flag Day Just Because! Happy International Talk - Like A Pirate Arrrbor Day! - [CAMERA CLICKS.]
I missed so many life achievements and holidays, I'm gonna make up for them all tonight.
I didn't know what dessert was your favorite, so, I made all of them! My favorite dessert is all of them! Good instincts, Mom! Well, I don't normally have nighttime sugars, but since this is all the special occasions.
[GRUNTS.]
You made flan?! 'Cause I'm a flan-tastic mom! [LAUGHS.]
Oh, my gosh, our mom is hilarious! Now, it is my honor to present you with a true Della-cacy How does she Dewey it?! H'boy, now there's two of them.
Behold! My classic firework cake! It's like a regular cake, but it's loaded with Fizzy Rocks! I haven't seen these in forever! That's because after all the lawsuits the government claimed they were unsafe to eat.
That sounds like a challenge! - Yeah, do it! - Again, it's incredibly unsafe.
Every time.
Mom, look! I'm shifting into Turbo! [GROANS.]
Best Mother ever [CHEERING.]
This is going so well.
- [GROANS.]
- [STOMACH RUMBLES.]
It's gonna be okay.
Oh, my insides are on fire [GROANS.]
with love for my mom! [GROANS.]
Hey, I know what'll make that belly feel better.
A bedtime story! Because a good mom knows how to sooth her sick kid.
Ever heard the one about "The Princess and the Peacock?" Uh, yeah.
A long time ago I think.
Oh right.
Of course.
Guess it is a little baby-ish.
Oh, no, but, um You're never too old for a fairytale! No, Rebel I mean, Louie is right.
You're all grown up now.
You're ready for a real-life grownup story.
- Starring, yours truly! - [BOTH.]
Yeah! [BURPS.]
The place: El Dorado.
The time: when I was your age.
The legend: the horror known as The Gilded Man.
The Aztec android was meant to protect the people, but he blew a fuse and mangled them instead.
[TOY ROARS.]
Metal gnawed through flesh, leaving a trail of bodies until the golden city was stained blood red.
I grabbed a wrench, crawled inside the gold-minted monster, and hacked away at his clockwork innards, tearing him apart from the inside, piece-by-piece with reckless abandon.
Wham! He let out a ghastly rusted shriek [ROARS.]
Until, finally, his gory gears turned their last.
Some say that shriek was a death knell.
Others say it was a promise.
To rebuild and seek vengeance on the one who defeated him and her family.
Pretty sure we stuffed him in the garage.
Well, goodnight! Maybe we should leave the lights on, you know, just in case - [ROAR.]
- [ALL GASP.]
[ALL WHIMPERING.]
[SNORES.]
[HORN BLARES.]
[ALL YELL.]
Good morning, my sleepy sunshine's.
[HORN BLARES.]
Can you believe Scrooge didn't want me to have these? - What? - I know, right? Thankfully, I hid a whole case in my old secret stash.
Customized them just for you.
Heads up! Ahh! [HORN SOUNDS.]
First order of business, shredding the nar.
Because a good mom knows how to spice up the ordinary.
- [HORN BLARES.]
- [GASPS.]
Observe.
Whoo! [LAUGHS.]
She is the best person alive.
[PANTS.]
So, who wants to go first? - [MURMURING.]
- [STOMACH RUMBLES.]
Maybe sit this round out, Turbo.
Jet? Ah, I mean Huey.
Sorry, I'll get it.
Huey has a hat, and the hue is red.
Junior Woodchuck Rule 84: Safety doesn't happen by accident! So, the first jump is at a 20 degree angle, then you kick flip - [RINGING.]
- [VOICE MUFFLED.]
If you do that last part exactly right, you won't die.
- Ready? - Uh-huh.
Oh, this oughta be rich.
- [YELLING.]
- Ah! Don't make me run! [GRUNTS.]
I flew too close to the sun! You did great.
And I bet you'll scream way less next time.
Whose is this? Oh Well, that's my Son's shield! Sons' shield.
Plural possessive because it's all of ours.
We three share the blame.
Triplets, amirite ? - [RUMBLING.]
- [ALL SCREAM.]
[SIGHS.]
Here, Mrs.
B, let us help you.
I'll go get the broom.
[GROANS.]
And a bucket.
[STRAINING.]
Boys, to your rooms.
I'll handle this.
After all, I'm used to cleaning up after children, dear.
You did a great job, Donald.
You earned that vacation.
[SCREAMS.]
[DELLA.]
I'll take it from here.
Me and the boys and Scrooge and Who is this? [LAUNCHPAD.]
Hey.
Thought I'd come over to introduce myself.
I'm Launchpad.
I'm a pilot.
Uh-uh.
No way, buddy.
I know I was gone for a while, but I will not be replaced! Where's Scrooge? Nothing can stop Della Duck! Nice to meet you! [MRS.
BEAKLEY.]
I'm sorry, Mr.
McDuck, but I think Della is struggling to adjust to this new life.
Come now, Beakley, she's only just arrived.
So, she's not the best with cooking, or age-appropriate stories, or child endangerment.
But nobody's perfect.
She's trying and that's what matters.
Junior Woodchuck Rule Three: No matter how hard things get, never give up on a fellow Woodchuck.
Sorry, I still can't hear that great.
Also, she's our mom! - Right, Louie? - Right? Well [GASPS.]
[ALL GASP.]
Hey, look, don't get me wrong, of course, I'm happy to have Mom back.
But? But, I dunno.
It's probably my fault.
I've gone so long without a mom, I guess I don't really know how to have one.
That's because she's not a mom.
Not yet, anyway.
She's been gone for so long.
You've got to give her time to figure out who she is, and how she fits into this family.
I was gone for a decade and everyone was fine.
I'm home for ten hours and now my kids are all sick, injured, and terrified.
I miss fighting monsters.
You guys make it easy to know what to do.
I fought you, Gilded Man! And Moon Mites, and the abyss of space, and every last odd to get back to my kids, and [SIGHS.]
I'm blowing it.
Who do I have to fight to be a part of this family?! [RUMBLING.]
Ah, phooey.
Hey, listen, so I know you're all about seeking revenge against the entire family of the person who destroyed you, but any chance you'd seek a truce instead? [GRUNTING.]
Fine! You want a fight, you got one.
[GRUNTING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, this is it! I'm good at this.
I'll beat you, save the family and prove my worth! Nothing can stop Della Duck! What in dismal downs is going on in here?! I really need to start locking this door.
Don't worry, Uncle Scrooge, I got everything under control.
Ah! What's with all the old junk? Where's the Deus Excalibur, or the Ferryman's Flame, or We, kinda, sorta used a lot of that stuff already.
[GROANS.]
Come on, you golden-geared gargantuan! [GRUNTS.]
[CAR ALARM BLARING.]
[SCREECHING.]
Okay, here's the plan: I'll stall him, you go get the kids so they can see me save them from this monster - and prove I'm a good mom.
- [CAR ALARM STOPS.]
What idiot said you weren't a good mom? You.
Like, five minutes ago.
Oh Lass, you've only been here for a day.
You can't force a relationship with your kids just through monster fighting.
You're right! We should probably go treasure hunting, too.
[GASPS.]
[ALL GASP.]
[GROANS.]
[YELLS.]
Our nightmares are real! Ha! Only the one true King of England can wield that sword! Oh, no.
[GRUNTING.]
Granny! You just knocked out the wrong old lady! [GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMS.]
- [ALL GASP.]
- Mom?! Hi, kids! I'm saving you! [YELLS.]
Time to take this robotic recluse down from the inside! [GRUNTS.]
Oh, c'mon! Why isn't this working?! It worked before.
That was ages ago.
You've grown, things are different now.
[GASPS.]
[HORN BLARING.]
[ALL GASP.]
Hey, it worked! [ALL SCREAMING.]
[EXCLAIMS.]
It hates noise! I got a really loud idea.
Huey, get some tape! [GRUNTS.]
Mom, catch! - [HORN BLARES.]
- [GROANS.]
- [GASPS.]
- Louie, look out! [GRUNTING.]
[BOTH GASP.]
[POWERS DOWN.]
Thanks, Mom.
[BOTH GASP.]
Hey, guys.
How did you get free? Good parenting is about coping with change and adapting to unforeseen challenges.
She adapted.
One day in and you're learning already.
[DELLA.]
Huey, Dewey, Louie.
I know you're not used to having a mom, and I'm not used to being one, but I'll figure it out as we go along, in time.
We all will.
So, what do you guys want to do? - Go find a treasure! - Discover a hidden temple! Anything! Everything! Well, let's get started.
- [ALL CHEERING.]
- [LAUGHING.]
Man, Donald sure is missing out on some quality family bonding.
[GASPING.]
[EXHALES.]
I come in peace.
I'm sorry, what? I literally have no idea what he said.
Seize him.